0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

I felt literal pain for this man. This was gut wrenching.

"The BIGGEST financial decision anyone can make is the PARTNER THEY CHOOSE" - This hit me on so many levels 😮

The end was quite an eye opener. The sacrifices he has made for her. How can he be successful in business if he is constantly moving cities and has no support system? He may have sounded hesitant because he didn't want to throw her under the bus. She kept talking about her paying the CC but never once did he mention his sacrifices. He is an amazing guy who deserved better treatment on this episode. Why did Ramit not point that fact out? A successful business means building a pool of clientele and being consistent. He was made to feel as if he has no plan and he is a failure. I also feel hearing her email threw him off and he wasn't able to recover. I wish him the best but i don't see them lasting for ten years.

My buddy was in this situation. Worked as a firefighter making 55k a year but had a perfect credit score. Met his wife when she was bar tending. Paid for her nursing school. She became a nurse manager making 150k in 3 years. Told him to step it up to adjust for her lifestyle. It's a double standard.

The ending hits hard for me because my father sacrificed his education so that he could put my mother through school, just for her to end up divorcing him.

“This man needs to pack his bags” WHY on earth would you publicly humiliate your man like that! My jaw is on the FLOOR!

“This man needs to pack his bags” is the most honest part of the whole thing. It was over when he helped her make wildly more money than him, it sowed the seeds of her resentment

Geez that was a brutal application letter

If a man said, "I make $33k per month, she makes $3.5k...when is she going to step it up?", he would be considered abusive and greedy.

Jorden is putting so much pressure on himself! It's not about the money. 'There are so many other ways to provide'. Well said, Ramit! :)

First one of these I've watched, for some reason I never realised Ramit is such a good mediator / therapist kind of guy. Doesn't take any BS, very helpful advice.

This one was tough to watch. Jordan was so defeated, and neither of them could be specific about what they wanted. One thing they didn't talk about was how Nicole felt with all the pressure from her parents to (presumably) become a doctor of some kind. She knew for YEARS that her parents were saving aggressively for her education; it sounds like she wanted to focus on having a family, but now she's stuck working full time because she did the thing and has student loans to pay back. She's taking out her resentment on Jordan when it probably started with her parents when she was in middle school. I think these two have a chance, but they definitely need some therapy to work out their own issues if they're going to move through this.

TBH, I feel that if he made $400k and she made $40k that this would not have been an issue. I doubt he would be asking her to level up her income. Even if she made $0 and was a stay at home wife I doubt that he would complain.

I usually enjoy these episodes, but I did not like this episode at all. I don't think anyone on this episode got to the heart of any real issues. Because the real issues are not about money, they are about priorities. Nicole wants to be with someone who makes a lot more money so that she can be a part-time stay at home mom while maintaining their current income. It's unclear what other skills Jorden has, but his personal training business is not going to make the amount of money necessary for Nicole to have that lifestyle (same total household income + part-time mom). As a couple, they have to decide how important it is for Nicole be at home part-time and if that IS a top priority, what lifestyle changes or career changes need to be made in order for that to happen. Not every person and not every career is capable of making $400k. Some careers take a long time to get to $400k, some careers take years and years of schooling to get to $400k and some careers cap out before that $400k salary. Nicole and Jorden could also adjust their cost of living to make Nicole's goal of being a part-time stay at home mom work. Lots of things are possible. But it is unclear what life priorities both Nicole and Jorden are aligned on. And that's the biggest hurdle here. I felt like Nicole was being very punitive, honestly. Without saying it explicitly, she wants Jorden to "step up" and make $200k and for him to figure it out on his own. Since a marriage and a family unit is something they build TOGETHER, Nicole and Jorden need to talk through what's most important to them and what options they have in order to make that dream come true. Honestly, it felt like Jorden was being punished for not being able to make more than $3.5K a month. And that felt really unfair. If my partner told me I need to quadruple my salary overnight with support on how to get there, I would feel pretty shitty about myself too.

200k as a personal trainer is a pipe dream. He is never going to live up to her expectations.

The Netflix series was entertaining, but I far more enjoy your KZfaq series and podcast Ramit. I’m thrilled to see you’re following up with these couples. The long version is so educational and helpful to so many. This was a very painful episode to watch. Jordan seems riddled with shame and guilt. Nicole seems withheld and resentful. She even use the word “contempt” which happens to be one of the four “horseman” as an indicator of demise in a relationship. Their plan seems unrealistic and unworkable. They should run not walk to a therapist who will call them out as you did Ramit. Are used to be somewhat passive in my expression in my relationship. I was married 26 years the first time and now 19 years the second. I’ll skip over the first mess… In my marriage currently we started out with vastly different financial standings. I owned a home and had my own business and no debt(other than mortgage). My husband had a very different relationship with money. He’s the most generous man I know, and the result of that is he had nothing for himself. He worked harder than anyone I’ve ever known in his business, but had nothing financially to show for it. It took years for us to work through issues on both sides. One thing that I would say was a dealbreaker is clearing out debt and we did that through the Ramsey program. It’s not for everyone and maybe not even for us, but it did have us talking regularly about money and working toward a common goal. My husband cleared all of his debt in less than two years. his income tripled. He started investing in higher end equipment and together we created a business where we deal with mostly high-end clients who are not shopping for the cheapest price but who want the most professional job. Maybe Jordan can make his business work with a shift in his mindset about his clientele but first he needs to shift his mindset about himself. Nicole needs to get real about what she wants, and if Jordan is the man, she will love and support without contempt or resentment. This couple is very brave to come on your show… For them to do this, they have the ability to make this work if they want to and they get really serious about doing it. I wish them all the best.

Man I would never be able to crush my husbands spirits like that, like my love for my husband outshines income. I just feel thankful I make close to what he makes.

men please leave the relationship when your wife is disrespecting you bluntly/publicly if not it is a steep cliff with no return.thank for the video

This is not about money. But, I truly admire their courage to come and share their journey with us! 👏

This podcast is the therapy I didn't know I needed 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Always nuggets of wisdom that I'm able to take away from each one, even if my financial situation is different

Having parents teach yo financially literacy is a blessing. Most of us have to try and figure it out yourselves.

She is clearly low on self confidence, but not worse than him. She knows she should move on but either feels badly after their journey together so far or she’s left it so late that she doesn’t think she can find a match quickly enough thereafter. He’s insecure, and probably was before they got together. He’s petrified to lose her, and that’s generally unhealthy.

I have spent most of my day watching your videos today. I have watched your Netflix show in the past (I've watched the whole series 2 times and some episodes 4 or 5 times so the principles can sink in) and I have cried through most of them. I am moved by the vulnerability people share and I am blown away at the idea of just how many relationships your tools have potentially saved. I appreciate the fact that you use hindsight in each situation and you as a coach learn from your clients as much as they learn from you. Thank you. These words are so simple, and yet carry so much weight.

This was very painful to watch. It is very difficult when two mindsets are diametrically opposed and it takes a lot of intentional work to align. The only contributions in a relationship are not always financial but both parties need to feel as if they are being appreciated and not taken for granted. For most of my marriage I made more however my husband is very handy and creative and while I paid for the materials he renovated our home. Anyone that has done this knows that the labor can cost same or more than materials and this allowed him to feel as if he was contributing. Now he is making more and I work from home and I carry the majority of the home chores. Everything is about balance and communication and the occasional compromise.

Gulp… I truly give people props for having the courage to come on a podcast to vent their issues with something that is the hardest issue for couples to tackle! Them being this courageous is already a huge step. It also helps anyone who may be going through similar situations.

Out of anger the truth is revealed,do yourself a favor and move on..that isn't the woman for you. Goodluck!

Totally unrelated, does anyone think the lady resembles Blake Lively?

Great session! I tend to judge too harshly at first glance but you take the time to understand and be compassionate at the same time being realistic. Love this series!

Their issues are deeper than money. You can so tell that their income disparity is a symptom of it. It takes a lot of unity, loyalty and intentionality to make it through the issue(s) at hand. I wish them well.

It’s been a while since I came across a GOOD podcast. Thank you.

I’m surprised him getting a job wasn’t a solution until he could figure out a business model that works. In California, getting a 6-figure job might be easier than starting a business. Even though their money values are different, their communication styles are similar. Very passive. She won’t tell him to step up and he won’t speak up or offer solutions. Ramit has to pry him for answers and to articulate his thoughts. Can’t wait to see how they fix this.

Ramit keeps talking about Jorden's net salary while allowing whatever her name is to talk about her gross income. But supposedly Jorden's gross income is actually 70,000 not 30 or whatever Ramit keeps saying. And she just mentioned her debt for her school loans so that's a big chunk of that $33,000 a month gross. All of these episodes sound the same after a while. I don't think I can keep watching. And she told that whole story about her parents putting money away for her education so why does she have so much school loan debt? I just can't stand how she's so holier than thou.

What I got out of this whole interview is that she is able to make a lot of money but wants to scale back once she has kids, why not start living in that income bracket already and save? Or find another spouse that is in the same career that will be able to keep up with her. He seems emasculated, which is sad.

If anyone is wondering how a recent grad orthodontist earns $400k, she works 6 days a week at 7 different practices! Homegirl is savvy. I'm glad they came up with a solid plan with a couple options and a timeline post-interview. It gives me hope that they are finally hearing each other. Hope things work out for them ❤

Reunion episode! Hooray! Thanks Ramit!

This was the the most difficult of all the podcast episodes for me to listen to. I wish them the very best and I do believe they can have a positive outcome with ongoing professional support and a new opennes in their relationship. Vulnerability is going to be important. There are some deep seeded things here. Numbers are not the problem.

I’m a personal trainer, reasonably successful. Jorden’s story is eerily similar to mine and I felt that pressure. It gets better with a therapist and actually taking action on the things. Yeah money is nice but it really isn’t the main problem.

Wow! Nicole comes across as not super sympathetic! If the roles were reversed no one would give a second thought to jorden earning 10x more. There are so many ways to be a great partner. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE THERE FOR THE KIDS. It’s all theoretical now because you don’t have them. Kids don’t just raise them self. Well adjusted kids need a present parent. A nanny can’t do this part. I think Nicole needs to get real. If she wants to work three days she needs a different partner. I just can’t get out of my head that her parents wouldn’t let her go out to dinner with a friend. Is it only me or does that seem a bit too far?!

If you truly love and respect each other you build your lives together regardless of who makes what. $300,000+ is play to live on. I found this so sad.

He's not confident because he is afraid that any answer he gives will not be good enough. He is constantly second guessing himself. He doesn't believe he deserves to be with her. Her attitude towards him may have changed after her job. She must have wanted more from life than what he has to offer. She doesn't need him to make the money; the lack of leadership from his end is the problem which makes her inclined to make all the decisions. I get her fear. Her time to get kids is running out and she needs him to pull up. She does not see the vision because he has none. Women date broke men all the time but it's important for those men to have a vision and a strategy. Poor Jorden is indecisive and dating a woman who is very clear about what she wants. She can't trust him with him getting so emotional about the topic. The problem here is leadership. Nothing else.

98% of American households make less per year than this couple does. This isn't about money - they can EASILY live very well on that amount of money. This is about an unbalanced relationship, and gendered expectations. I am guessing that Nicole also does more housework than Jordan does.

I just finished watching last night. I was sad when I was on the last episode I didn't want it the be over.

This is amazing! Reality checks are always needed

These are so useful - I can see parts of myself in both of them. The biggest lesson I took from this was the importance of being realistic about finances, instead of engaging in wishful thinking and making unrealistic projections about my financial future.

The pro: They make over $440,000. The con: she looks at $400,000 of that money as hers and not theirs.

Another 10/10! Thank you for expressing your appreciation for your guests' courage to come on your show. I am learning a lot and I am beginning to understand the childhood roots of my own journey with money. Neither of my parents talked about money, and I rarely remember them fighting . When I turned 18, my mom gave me a book titled The Money Book by Sylvia Porter, but said nothing more about it. Like much else, I was expected to do my research and apply the lessons learned--somewhat like being tossed in the deep end of the pool and being expected to learn how to swim! I remember that she reduced the value of nearly everything to what it cost. Both of my parents were very transactional; if I gave mom a gift she remarked on how much it must have cost. However, she did her best to instill in me (at least) the RULES: don't impose on others (this was rude), and don't rely on anyone or express your feelings (these were shameful weaknesses). I remember she said that parents weren't required to love their children; they were required to provide food, clothing, shelter. Anything else was a privilege. While this pragmatic upbringing made me self-reliant, it took therapy to unwind this emphatic conflation between self-denial with self-worth.

Whoaaah!!! I just listened to the first minutes but follow ups to the Netflix show!!!! Looking forward to hearing your follow up with Matt and Amani

Rooting for both of you, not an easy conversation to have! Hope I can be as courageous as you one day.

They needed a marriage therapist before this, along with individual therapy. I'm a therapy enjoyer, and I also a woman who makes double what my male partner makes. He's my confidant and I am his. But if I was always dragging our conversations back to my unresolved issues, we would get _nowhere_ as a couple.

Thank you for sharing. Very brave couple. My parents were extremely poor. All the things I learned about money I had to teach myself. Some of them were very painful lessons. This video is excellent about getting past the guessing of what your partner/spouse feels about money and actually talking with them -- making plans, together. Compromise. You are right -- there are many way to contribute, not all of them have to do with money.

I don’t have a problem with how much a person earns…I have a problem with how much effort my partner makes…

They cannot marry each other. This is me and my husband's present situation right now. We cant break up since we have 2 children. When we got married he was a successful man and even paid for the whole wedding. Then right after, he started loosing a good job and haven't been able to get back up from before. I thought initially i only have to pick him up temporarily, then it wen ton and on and now i didnt realize it's been more than a decade now that i was just picking him up. For me, it's not really the money, but more on looking for a leader, for a man to lead my family. I became so musculine that i now work 3 jobs just to sustain our whole family. I feel like he took away all my femininity and my role being a mom. I'm just a working machine now.

That transition of references from the "Soul Provider" to the "How can we be lovers" was artfully done (and actually summarizes almost the whole situation)! Also, I really appreciated personally the loving pressuring on being more decisive and proactive with making decisions. It's definitely been an achilles heel for me many times (and honestly still is). Just like the first part of the episode, massive respect and gratitude to all three for the honest, courageous conversation and the responsible navigating of these delicate subjects as well as the necessary reality checks (and psychological analysis breakdowns). 🙏

I feel for both of them. I’ve been there before. There was a lot to unpack here but I 100% understand everything she was saying and felt. I think jorden comes from a good place but he hasn’t been holding himself accountable for what it takes to be in a marriage where both partners contribute… it doesn’t mean you have to make the same amount, but it does mean that each person can sustain the household if the other needs a break. The pressure comes into play when it feels like If I don’t or can’t provide everything will fall through the cracks. Jorden doesn’t have a plan and isn’t realistic about his future and his financial responsibility. It’s tough. I’m glad they were able to come up with a plan that works for them. ❤

Love this podcast!! Keep it up brother

They don’t have a money problem they have a relationship problem. He helped her while she was in school and she is now saying he’s not enough so he’s feeling like she wants to leave now that she has a large income. They need to go to a marriage therapist, he’s feeling invalid and insecure and she’s too busy now because of her high paying job.

For this couple, please I beg you, don’t have kids. having kids will not fix your problems. Continue to build your relationships. Build the trust and confidence that you can completely support one another

She should definitely walk away from this relationship. It is very risky for her financially due to the high chance of paying alimony to him once they divorce (if they were to marry one day). Not worth it.

Jorden is trying so hard to get the "right" answers for the interview...and he is so tense. I'd be surprised if any of the teaching would actually sink in.

This woman doesn’t need him anymore and now she’s done. He should run away and make a home with a nice receptionist.

Great people. One of my favorite episodes. Please don't stop these discussions, Ramit!

I just started watching this video. I’m not in far. I’m at 10:44. Ramit, I’m so glad that you said that there is more than one way to provide. Providing means watching the kids when Mom is sick, providing encouragement and support when she goes back to school, or making dinner after she had another late night at the offices. I knew a couple where the woman was the main breadwinner. She had a great job. She went to school to get his master’s degree. He was in charge of setting up play dates between his daughter and my daughter. He did the majority of the cooking. He had a job, but not a career. After she obtained her master’s degree, it was time for him to go back to school. He works as a high school teacher now. Couples need to do what’s best for them. The reality is that more women are earning college degrees and are making high salaries. Women are out earning their husbands. In order for couples to be successful, they need to figure out what is best for them.

I love the follow up.

Ramit is literally the coolest guy… his sweaters, his empathy… thank goodness for this 👏👏

It’s not fair for him to be pressured to match her income. It’s just not possible for him. If that’s priority for her, then she needs to find someone in her income bracket. Period.

Hello ramit..ever since i have heard your book on audible..i am a huge fan of yours..and your tips are really helping me..esp the one to pay credit card debts ASAP and automtating my savings and investments..thanks a lot for this book..

The follow up was very nice. I hope they can work it out

Ramit, been a longtime fan, never knew you always walk in slow motion. 😂 every episode - check it out. Meanwhile appreciate the show and all your advise!

I really appreciate Jordan’s vulnerability in this conversation .

Halfway through this video and it is very clear that they will break up and should. They will never be aligned financially. If I comprehended, she could scale back and make 200K instead of the 400K?!? Shes so concerned about that?!? The dude would have to be a stay at home Dad and do his business online until the kids get to school. They could use his salary to pay for cleaning and cooking to take that load off their hands while her salary can go to the housing. He would definitely need to be more hands on in the child rearing process but the money is a high priority for her and that’s ok. I don’t get how you could go into a high paying field and then be mad at your spouse for not making the same as you. She should’ve chosen someone in her field or adjacent.

Very powerful episode.

She just wanted him to have a *plan* and be growing. Listen until the end, ya'll!

Love this episode so far. i listened to the first episode as well.

This is hypergamy. I've seen it firsthand in some close friends. She's surrounded by 'more succesful' men and deep down doesn't look at him the same anymore now that she has in her mind ' made it'. Deep down he knows it too.

I saw all your episodes in 1 day.

I hate to say this but it seems like Jordan is not too bright and this relationship is not working out for either of them. I don’t think the lady is asking for more money. I think she’s asking for a plan and more financially responsible behaviour. Not do things like racking up credit card debt to go out for dinner and trips and conceal it from her

The pain in this mans spirit🙏🏾🙏🏾.

This episode was so, so painful to listen to. Jordan seemed so lost. I felt so bad for him

I’m making changes because of you. Thank you. ❤

Beautiful ending ❤

Have watched the netflix show and its amazing. Since then I have been finding your videos here in youtube Ramit. And have just ordered your book. Thanks.

My heart goes out to him. Clearly he didn’t have the same upbringing with money so of course he doesn’t know how to move forward.

You're a good person for telling him like it is. I'm sure that wasn't easy, but he needed a reality check

Great podcast series and Netflix show!!!

I am very captivated by the way Ramit conduct with people, very respectful, professional, great listener - double deal - a wise counselor, therapist, an excellent financial advisor. I wished I had listened when I was young. People now had so many tools... many opportunity to learn thru these wise guys. Thank you very much... I wish you success and that continue helping and inspiring people.

this is why a marriage where a woman makes more money than the man will never work.

I had to put the video on 1.25x speed because it took forever for the guy to respond to any question

it's basically the best couples therapy ever Thank you so much ramit for this podcast, very helpful ❤

It is so important to start teaching basic finance starting in elementary.

These videos always shock me. Someone making 33K a month and still complaining about money. Just shows some people never have enough to be satisfied or to make good decisions. Honestly I feel like she thinks she's too good for him and looking for a way out.

Very moving

In the first 4 minutes, the host read the words she wrote. She stopped him from talking, saying she didn't mean that, and she was angry. My ex-wife would do this all the time. People need to learn not to say things when they are mad. You might say something you can't take back.

Did they forget to mention how Jordan supported Nicole when she was in school? Now that she’s earning more, she’s resenting the $31,000 that her husband used to support her dream? She’s giving him a conditional love.

Yay! I am excited that you interviewed them here. I like the show but love the KZfaq!

Damn Ramit! you are so great throwing those questions!

Wow, this was tough to listen to. I just learned about this podcast and have been binge watching the episodes, and this is the first one I really did not like. It was so hard to watch Jorden learn his relationship was at stake and then get bullied into saying he should close his business. Just felt like kicking a man while he is down. I appreciate Ramit reflecting and realizing it was an interrogation, but I think he was in over his head with this one. I also don't understand a lot of Nicole's logic - she is on the fence about this relationship but talking about having kids?? I don't know. I wish them happiness and hope they can figure it out.

The first 10min hit me hard.

they aren't compatible, they don't actually want the same things

I loved the show Ramit!