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Greg was born an abnormally large baby and then absolutely nothing changed ever.

greg offering to kiss a gay boy and said gay boy immediately becoming christian and homophobic is insanely funny

Nothing spells “I have appropriate feelings about teenage girls” like meticulously detailing every girl you dated in middle school.

I think you're dead on with the "overprotective" brother bit. Onion immediately jumps to incestuous intentions in a brother looking out for their sister because he simply cannot imagine a man caring about a woman without also wanting to insert himself into her.

The fact he’s trying to blame minors for being groomed is very, very, VERY telling.

The fact that an autobiography about a guy in his 40s only talks about high school experiences says a lot

the dissonance between him saying "I'm not traumatized" and then flooding the book with every potential trauma he can think of is 100% his way of trying to make you feel bad for him even though he's waaay too stoic and masculine to complain about his life

As a black woman hearing greg talk about needing “ebony ladies” in his life makes me want to crawl out of my skin😅😅😅

I can’t help but suspect Onion’s standard for “girlfriend” in school was “girl who will willingly speak to me without screaming”

The way this man has a spouse and children and spent all his autobiography talking about high school is INSANE

Greg: I'm straight but u can still kiss me if u want Goth guy: I quickly became homophobic, hating on gay people became a part of my lifestyle

Greg deserves to be locked in a room where the walls, floors and ceiling are covered with pictures of that human-dinosaur hybrid.

I just realized that he wrote that chapter about why childhood accidents “aren’t that bad” in his mind, because his own toddler DAUGHTER fell out of a window when no one was watching her!

“Having a girlfriend stops school shootings” is just about the most onision thing that’s ever been said. what a weird guy.

“He gave my sister a bag of candy instead of me. 😢” HOW IS HE STILL PRESSED ABOUT THIS.

I thought it was so bizarre that the onion man references this “half-dinosaur hybrid documentary” in two of his books as a traumatic event for him, cause that just. doesn’t sound like a real documentary? and instead sounds like the plot of the live-action super mario brothers movie. so I did some quick math, and greg would’ve been in second grade around 1993. THE EXACT SAME YEAR THE MARIO BROS MOVIE CAME OUT. I am THOROUGHLY convinced he said it was a documentary to cover his ass from being EVISCERATED about being traumatized by the fucking super mario brothers movie 😂

i had a double take when i saw that he ACTUALLY wrote “simulate breeding” like that was a normal way to say having sex 💀

Imagine holding hands with Greg when you were 12, then growing up and finding out that fully 25 years later, he's still obsessed with you and writing books about how he *deserved* to marry and impregnate you.

Onision got a nosebleed once as a kid and almost got circumcised and now he thinks he's writing Slaughterhouse-Five.

This is what I think Bojack’s autobiography would have looked like if he didn’t have a ghost writer

This whole book reads like an extended Tumblr fake story

"I had a few girlfriends in the fifth grade." Yeah but how old were you at the time Greg?

it makes my fucking skin crawl how much this 35+ year old dude spends talking about grade school "girlfriends". like... it's genuinely unsettling how clear it is that he spends a loooooot of time thinking about little girls and wishing he could be dating them right now. also like, being ANGRY at the relationships that ended??? I stopped having hard feelings about my middle school boyfriend within a few years. holding onto those feelings for over *two fucking decades* is unhinged.

gotta love how he says he was a woman sympathizer and feminist in training because he was raised with three women, yet assaulted his one sister, treated his girlfriend's friends like shit, continuously made unwanted comments about weight to his step mother, and so much more. it's kind of scary how he doesn't see the conflict

Onion man really went "i cant be a pedophile, look at all the pedophiles that i fantasized about wanting to date me!! Thats like, the opposite!" and thought it was a good argument

I'm convinced the greatest thing he's ever done, is helping thousands of people realize "... Oh, shit, my writing's pretty okay, actually."

Onision cured my self esteem issues. No matter how bad I am at socializing OR writing, at least I’m not the _onion man_

I’ll say the same thing I wrote on Alizee’s review of this book; It speaks fucking wonders about Greg that his autobiography has zero to do with his current life or the years when he was actually successful on KZfaq, and his entire life revolves around the girls he kissed and tried to have sex with in high school. Like, 20 years ago. I had fun in high school and loved my friends and had crushes but if I was given the task of writing an autobiography the time from childhood to becoming an adult would be all of one chapter if that. Cause that’s what it is, a chapter in your life meant to not be revisited again and again. The sad thing is he didn’t even “peak” in highschool, he just thinks he did?

i had my first big lesbian gay crush in high school, for about 2 years i pined after this girl who barely paid any attention to me. there was An Onision Drama. it came up in conversation and she said "he's really not that bad. all of the people criticizing him are just jealous they don't have cute fans" and i felt every single bit of attraction i had to this girl vacuum out of me. gone in an instant. never even wanted to be around her ever again.

Greg doesn't just have "only-child" syndrome, he has "only-human" syndrome, as in, he believes he's the only real human on planet earth 😌

As someone who recently came to realize they were a victim of grooming when they were 13 at 28 and had to throw said groomer out of my house a few months ago, it is super cathartic to watch a groomer get roasted

The way he talks about his sister is fascinating, cause she seemed to have at least once cared for him, but he chased her away.

Onion man describes an old man waiting to get his sister alone so he can give her candy...and somehow concludes the sister is the villain? That story had me really anxious about his sister's safety, and he's only concerned about getting less candy than her. Such a weird takeaway from that interaction.

"A doctor suggested i die." -Onision You know, I'm something of a doctor myself..

As someone who has watched all of the strange aeons onion trilogy, his autobiography is literally just his three books combined. This man can't write something without making himself the main character

"Why do you care so much about your 6th grade exploits?!" Because that's the only time he can talk about girls from his preferred dating age without being labeled as a predator

He's 37, but the entire books feels like a child wrote it. "He gave my sister candy and not me!", "This girl dumped me because her friends didn't like me! Whatever, I don't need her anyway!", etc. He's stuck in those years.

out of curiosity i looked up where he was born and it says he was born as gregory james daniel. like. james and daniel are two protagonists. we know they're self inserts. he didn't even bother picking names that weren't his. i cannot get over this it's incredibly funny he just used his own names like wow he wasn't even trying there

Teya I want you to know it has been 5 months since I consumed this video and the phrase "all the haters desire me carnally" has not yet paid rent for the space it occupies in my brain

listening to gregs childhood is like. whiplash of "clearly he had some traumatic experiences that deeply fucked up his perspective on people and relationships and its probably why hes emotionally stuck at 14 and preys on young girls" to "oh my fucking god this is the most pretentious and self absorbed man alive" i hope he gets help and heals from his trauma mostly so that society doesnt have to deal with the worlds most insane unhealthy coping mechanism.

I am ultra masculine and have no childhood trauma and to this day I still think about the scary dinosaur-man I saw when I was 7.

Greg is a man who realized he can manipulate and groom teenagers very well but completely lacks any actual charisma or intelligence that would work on adults. So despite his constant failures, he has constructed a universe for himself to live in where he’s actually smart, charismatic, and everyone wants him. And he uses young people who he can groom& take advantage of to fulfill that inferiority complex 🥴

it really says something that when greg finds out his "best friend" died he wished he could go back in time NOT to make up for all the years he spent ignoring his letter and over all being a shit friend, but so that he could miraculously inform his friend about his condition in time so that he would still be alive and it would be because of the oh so gracious and heroic gregory onion. he goes through really incredible strides and hoops to make every situation about himself huh

“Did you know school shooters have all the wrong tools (guns) and none of the right ones (love)” was the funniest and worst thing I’ve ever heard. Mr. Strange your face perfectly described how I felt.

“I had no interest in partaking in teenage cliches” says the perpetual 14 year old teenage cliche. God what a human skin tag

I love how Onion literally just mashed all the girls he liked in middle and highschool to make Abigale. Like they were all exactly the same just with different boobs.

The fact that this man can write all this down without an ounce of self awareness is astounding

So ready to be traumatized by whatever is in this cursed text

Him taking his elementary and middle school “relationships” so seriously and STILL feeling so much bitterness about them is hilarious.

I’m glad that Strange Aeons decided to make this video in spite of the onion drama being years-old by now, because as hard as he tries to establish himself as anything else, I feel like this book really cements Onision as a walking cautionary tale. A warning to remind us all to self-reflect, seek help, and keep our egos in check in order to try and mature. As many people in the comments have said, it’s obvious that Greg is stuck in a state of arrested development that’s been going on for decades, and it’s both sad and frustrating to see him showcase it so boldly in this book for the same reason, which is that this could’ve been prevented if he was willing to admit that he wasn’t always perfect and sometimes was the problem. And I think being reminded of that is valuable in its own right.

Greg: i have no childhood trauma! Also Greg: i am a chosen one who will change the world because of my childhood trauma

In the opening pages of this thing he hits us with "Just like Donald Trump (45th president of the United States), I, too, am persecuted." Hell of a take from the Onion Lord.

learning he has siblings is so wild bc he absolutely comes off as an only child who never had his parents attention

this reads like the autobiography bojack horseman tried to write on his own

y'know, when i was in kindergarten my teacher made a big fuss about me reading at a """college level"" and put me in gt this stupid book kind of unlocked that memory and now im thankful that i was never so pathetic that i held on to that moment and crowned myself god of reading for all eternity

The flawless logic of "My high school teacher said I write well, so my books can't possibly be poorly written, people just hate me"

He is r/niceguys, r/badwomensanatomy, r/iam14andthisisdeep, r/menwritingwomen, and r/iamverybadass all rolled into one. The onion knows no bounds.

I figured out why this book doesn't work! Non-fic thrives on having two voices in the text: the voice of innocence and the voice of experience. Because he never fully grew up, he's only writing the former down. That's why it feels like the roughest of rough drafts

He didn't actually need to write this book, everything in it he already put in his novels.

Only Greg Onision could write an autobiography in which he reflects on 9/11 being exceedingly mid.

Love the concept of reading “My Immortal” as a “palette cleanser”

I think what stands out to him about the memory with the dinosaur picture is how he was able to complain to his mom and she fought the school about it. I think it’s one of the first times he felt like he could wield power by lying

So much of this is other people having normal relationship dynamics (his sister making fun of him, the brother being protective over his sister) and then him acting like they're the weirdos like he's not immediately assuming there's something incestuous going on

“He was a fetus with an abnormally large head” I’M SCREAMING HOW DID YOU KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE WHILE SAYING THIS😭

It’s crazy how much he acts like a child. He still carries typical sibling rivalry as actual beef. He describes every single elementary school “relationship” as if it was real. He obviously still writes like a edgy teen that just started listening to MCR. It’s actually insane someone call still act like this at that age. This man is a father!

So I watch Teya’s Onision book review videos quite a bit while drawing, So I took the liberty of cataloging which parts of his “fictional books” were just heavily romanticized versions of his own life where he was actually the tall, smart, handsome dude who everyone loved instead of the complete weirdo that he is. 12:45 - So in both his second and third book, he writes about his father figure being a sexual predator/abuser. In this specific instance, he’s talking about his biological father, who is pretty much beat for beat his father from the second book. I think this might also simultaneously be Julia’s father from his third book, because Greg can’t write a positive father figure to save his life, daddy issues eh? 15:08 - In literally all 3 books, he has a mother who taught him to fight, so that Greg can go around and beat up all the big jocks who tried to touch his girlfriend. 15:25 - Here we see where he got the “Dinosaur human alien” things, not even just the concept, but the entire story was also in the third book, which Greg himself admits. Also, I can’t be certain of this because I don’t think the timelines line up, but dinosaur-human hybrids was also a scrapped idea from Jurassic Park 4, so I wonder if the video he watched showed concept art of that idea. 18:16 - Here we have the story from his third book about going to the ER for chest bleeding, aka just a cut. 20:00 - I believe that this is the dad from the third book, since that dad was the only one not described as an abusive pedophile and was instead described as cool and manly. At least until greg gets his galaxy brain powers, wherein the dad just suddenly becomes abusive because daddy issues. 24:13 - This one is actually kind of sad. So Julia from his third book was based off this girl, since there was the same age difference and they met at the same church camp, and lord knows Greg doesn’t describe anything else about these women. I guess we know why Greg decided to write a pedophile into this third book, geez. 33:59 - Okay this one’s weird. This one reminded me of how Greg’s friend David acted in the third book around Greg’s sister Johanna and her friend. Except in his real life, Greg was the guy trying to flirt with his friend’s sister and her friend. Fucking weirdo. 44:50 - I think this is our Cory counterpart from the second book, since Cory is the only woman his age in any of his books that he is explicitly not in a romantic relationship with. Except with the caveat that he jerks off to her every night, which I assume is the same with real life Greg as well. 54:09 - This is, beat for beat, the exact same “dress goth for a day” story from his second book, and this girlfriend appears to be our Ashley counterpart 55:00 - Same as the last one, this WHOLE story was a part of his second book, down to the stepmom taking off his boots so he can’t kick as effectively line. 1:10:00 - This one speaks for itself, unhinged weirdo 1:12:08 - I’m willing to bet that this “religion” is just the galaxy brain stuff from his third book. 1:13:14 - I believe this friend is Davis from his first book, though I think Greg may have combined the gay friend from before and the motorcycle “friend” we see later into this one dude. I also find it interesting that in the book Greg heroically pulls his body off the road, but in real life he completely forgot about this friend and found out he died years later. 1:17:48 - this military life was also in his second book, although in that book he was this secret badass who could beat/kill anyone who got in his way. 1:20:35 - This training instructor was also in the second book, nothing else to really add here but that. In conclusion, gross.

So much of Greg's "autobiography" being present in his books is scary. I cannot imagine being someone who knew Greg when they were younger, or even dated him, and finding that he was like this (and was probably stalking you online too)

Girl I'm starting to feel like exposing yourself to these books is like acute radiation damage. That's why your lungs keep popping 😭😭😭

Someone sliding into your ask box and sending a copy of Onision's book feels like someone slipping Chlamydia into your morning coffee

Greg might be the only public figure that you can instantly guarantee has never had a ghostwriter… or an editor… or a proofreader…

oh my god greg has so much unprocessed trauma it's insane. i'm not even halfway through the video yet and it's like getting hit with second-hand embarrassment but with every single mental health concern

Okay, when I had my baby I ended up getting super bad gallstones and eventually needed to be in the hospital for them. Your videos seriously helped me calm down and bear the pain until my surgery. So these book reviews have become a huge comfort for me ❤ and seeing you back made me smile so big.

Okay. Imagine being one of his sisters. I know it's scary, don't imagine that much. I'm sure they don't keep him in their lives. But to hear your little brother wrote... This? You're almost 40 and your brother is calling you evil for stuff you did as kids, because that's still somehow his favorite part of his life.

I love how he makes fun of one of his first gfs for introducing him to her parents "like they were gonna get married and have kids or something" and then proceeds to fantasize about having a white picket fence with any girl he actually liked, even 20 YEARS after the fact. Healthy stuff.

His mention of sexual assault at 11 is heartbreaking to me. He writes about it in the same way he would view it as an 11 year old as it was happening. I think clearly that whole situation delayed his mental development to be stuck at 11. This is explains how so juvenile we write and views his relationships.

This PDF seems like it should've been sent to his therapist instead of... published for the entire internet to read.

THREE YEARS. We’ve waited THREE YEARS to be absolutely traumatized again. Was it worth the wait? YES.

I'm horrified at the 176 onion appreciators that disliked the video. I love listening to you disect the onions crap writing. What a nice throwback

I genuinely feel bad for this dude about the abuse he probably suffered but also hate everything about all of the actions he takes after that.

"My father wanted my penis to be modified" is currently causing me to lose it

Finding out that there's a fourth onision book is the closest I'll come to understanding how the people in the star wars universe must have felt when Palpatine came back to life

greg: *offers to kiss a boy* the boy: i quickly became homophobic

The whole thing with teenagers having crushes on adults makes me think of when I was in eighth grade and had a crush on my English teacher’s TA. He was in his early 20s, I think, and I would give him eyes and weakly flirt to no avail…because that TA was a normal fucking person who didn’t creep on a goddamn 12-13 year old.

Greg is the patient zero of peaking in high-school. So much so that he only ever talks about school and how cool he was. He's like an old man trying to convince his grandchildren that he was super hip and badass. He's really intimidating and is the most alpha male whilst simultaneously being above social labels. He wants you to know he was cool but that he's so cool he doesn't even care that he's cool. Like "yeah I was like super strong in school, all the other kids were scared of me but it's like whatever I don't even care".

The way he describes every woman by running down his list of which "would I fuck her?" characteristics she has is so maddening.

AINT NO WAY this man starts of his AUTOBIOGRAPHY with roleplay asterisks.

If nothing else, Onion has taught me that narcissism is a hell of a drug.

I don't care about Onision enough to keep myself updated on his status but everytime something about him reaches my feed I can't help but watch it and see the next step in human devolution

no greater insult than flashing onision's age on the screen whenever he gets too in depth about a childhood relationship

The videos of shiloh are always so heartbreaking. A part of me thinks that the specific video of her in the joker makeup shouldn't be shown without her consent given how really obviously horrible it is, but I guess at the same time its perfect evidence of how horrible he was to women.

If Greg offered to kiss me I’d turn immediately straight too.

Learning that he didn't even actually date the girl that inspired Stones to Abigail (and that she didn't even want anything to do with him) was genuinely mind blowing. Who. Does. That.

i get really insecure about my acne, but if greg thinks it's ugly, then i'd have to say it's not actually that bad

If your partner stays a bad kisser then you're probably a bad teacher, also this reads like the 'I get the last word' message a neckbeard sends you before he blocks you. Each "*laughs*" killed me

So I'm autistic and my parents had many conversations with me about social interactions, how to be nice, why people dont like some things, ect So I do get having to figure out things like "oh so this topic makes this person upset, so I shouldn't bring it up". But like... Greg is an adult and very clearly not trying to better themselves or be a kinder person. The books he wrote could be really good for him if done with a therapist in private for him to break down his issues. But him doing everything for an audience without any introspection isn't going to do him or anyone else any good I hope his kids and all his victims heal from the damage he's done to them. They deserve better. I hope he becomes a better person too, if for no other reason than him not hurting others anymore

It's really interesting that he references all of these childhood girlfriends and relationships in his books but never references his wife

Onion man makes me feel like the most self aware person in this entire world. Theres no way he cant see how pretentious and stupid he actually is.

It's kinda fascinating to hear these real life stories and then recall him inserting these scenes into the books, especially Reaper's Creak. Greg really did put a lot of himself into his books, which... was a choice

This is the only one of his books that actually terrifies me, because it shows us a completely unfiltered, unedited, unsportsmanlike, and unsubstantiated glimpse into the real onion mind