I'm not on any HRT but I can understand the feeling of "failing at being a woman and failing at being a man". I don't do enough to make my appearance more feminine, but I'm not masculine enough or want to dress masculine to be seen as male. I don't really know what I want people to see me as, and trying to be either I just think it flops. It felt validating hearing someone else say it. I wish you luck and good health on your treatments!

Don't give up, you'll find the right adjustments or treatments. Follow your gut. (By the way, over the past few months I thought you definitely were looking more masculine, and I never noticed any hair loss. :) )

I've also been in this limbo of feeling like a trans man but partially non-binary and not really knowing what to do about it for years. it's interesting hearing your experience

ur words n ur energy r rly comforting, watching u helps me feels less alone, thank u 4 being u

That sucks! I've had to stop before due to pharmacy issues, and the drop off is horrible. I hope it all works out for you!

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing with us. ❤

Please please research carefully before considering the hair loss. drug. I had severe long term side effects from the acne drug accutane, and I know finasteride has a similar set of side effects. You don't need that. Good luck wherever your path goes, may it be healthy and so free to enjoy life.

I don't have gender dysmorphia, but as a system I can empathize with body issues. Sometimes my body doesn't fit right, or doesn't look right to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm a shirt that's too big and shoes that are too small.

enby here. I so understand you! And also the gender-envy with just androgynous cis guy I relate to alot too.

As one multiple FTM who also recently got off T this was validating

I usually refrain from telling people to mess up with hormones. But I believe you would do considerably better if you were to happen to get physically active along with a good diet, that implies you getting your body the nutrients you need according the FDA, and also supplements would work great too. But that is taking a risk since I have no idea, I simply assume that your body is under an hormonal change that demands you to also make changes in other areas, so to put it in a way, you manage to help the body process that change and assimilate it. That way possibly you would get the results you want, but again not everybody is into exercising daily and also improving their diet, foods and supplements to achieve the best possible result in the long term. This all you mention sounds quite interesting, I coach people about improving their looks by helping their bodies to develop, just as animals do, in nature with natural lifestyles, so this all is quite interesting, I have yet to work with someone who is into using hormones to improve their looks.

14:10 because i can.(i dont remember typeing.).

14:10 this happened before today=i type fast, but some how im typeing stuff i dont remember typeing. and i do remember the forgetting i forgot when seeing nazi zombies maps=(how did they get a gun?...), or=(now they have a perk i didnt see them get?...).

3:45 im 99.9999999% all my familly is crying everyday/all of them=the 1s that ovbios too. they were crying every day too.

14:10 irony/ironiclly=both scandroid music and specific intersting girls on====the ovbios= made it so if theyre not intersting/fun=its bad more/the annoying girls are still annoying/the not focused girls=im pretty idiots,or just not focused on stuff=it means the same thing=because i can they dont know what to do=(i dont know for offend when their not smart.), if not intersting=it feels less for the video.=theres no emotion thing/ scandroid peace feel in the video.

13:07 lebio=turned on right?...

Dear L -- I hope you'll be able to perhaps find any kind of balance that you need. When i was 20 i lost hair LOTS of it - i was in women's shelters and homeless shelters - i never ate. Personally i would have to say that eating problems and stress will cause your hair to fall out. I've grown my hair long for the first time since i was 36 - Then my best love was dying in the hospital, i will miss her forever. I had a dream that i cut my hair off so i did. And i found out it was a thing you do when you are grieving. To bring this short, being so body dysmorphic and i was so sick for decades - I just saved my head for 20 years. ( i went from sit-in got my ass hair to nothing - way to know what people are going to think) When i changed my name last year, i had the chance to get a new birth certaficate and have no gender on it. For me, I would like to not have gender; going into senior years and then becoming ill I have becoming more invisible in the medical system and i'm an angry person. I want to be an authentic Person - not designated at 'something' by others first. For you , I think you had so so much on your plate - that finding the you is the important part. I hope this will open up to something that is absolutely best for you - what other people thing will and should become less important. I think you rock. Also, i have decades to comment on how hormones and stress and life can wander all over the place without any other interventions. Bass singer at age 10 (seriously) and even when i did singing with my friend's band; he would have me come into the studio and do the men's harmonies after hours. Funny stuff. Always go with what helps you feel as close to comfort in your own skin from the emotional place out . . .I can tell you that for decades my focus has been to have a strong body and health more than anything. (i broke a bone in my ankle 3 days ago . . . and i'm pretty vexed right now)

14:36 new thing i dont know for the L!!!😅😅pun!!!,lgbq thing.

I think it's okay to quit T for some period of time. It changes your body drastically, I don't think we even know what it will do long term. I hope it's the right decision for you. Try to think about how you feel off T and on T, what is the difference? Hence I don't know if going the path of being transgender male is that gender confirming to you...