How to stop misgendering: intentionally use the correct pronoun in each sentence, and if you're not sure just ask again, as long as you're putting up an effort they'll be happy you're trying

3rd person: "why isn't everyone pan?" Me, asexual: "why does everyone experience sexual attraction?" 😂

For the cousin who is misgendering... it's likely a response to visual stimuli. Your brain is subconsciously aligning the face with the birth name and old pronouns. Practice using the correct ones with the cousin or even having pretend conversations with them while looking at a picture or video or something of them. It'll train your brain to start aligning the correct name and pronouns with the face.

I think that a good, but way too long alternative to the "born in the wrong body" phrasing would be: imagine you, cis man or woman, are as you are now, except since your birth everyone around you kept calling you by incorrect name and pronouns, and dressed you like the kids of another gender to yours. All while you see all the other kids of your gender acting, dressing, looking, and being named in ways you'd be more comfortable with. Eventually you just internalize the fact that you are a gender you aren't, until one day you find out you were always a man/woman/enby! Trans people, upon realizing this, choose to change different things about their body or presentation to look the way they want to look, instead of conforming blindly to societal standards. Some might want to change a lot, some might want to change some things here and there, and some might even stay the same! Realizing you're trans just allows you to make those decisions easier.

I did not socially transition until I was 48. I didn't want to do it because I knew I would not go back to boy mode. I was punished at a young age if I showed any female traits or actions. The only reason I started when I did was I almost died from two heart attacks and was afraid of not being myself. I still haven't told most of my family due to religious and political leanings on their part. My son knows and completely supports me and is even referring to me as she/her.

It’s such a nice change of pace to have people that actually want to learn instead of asking nosy or just straight up rude questions.

There was a wonderful t.v. show in Australia called, " you cant ask that", and it was basically people who were in minority groups or sex workers etc answering the most popular questions that enquiring minds wanted to ask but were afraid to lest they offend. It was a great show and I learned a lot from other cultures and minority groups. If you can get a copy of it I highly recommend it.

My guess for the question about misgendering when around someone: When you’re talking ABOUT someone (they’re not present) you have to think about them and it’s very easy to remember. But when you’re talking with someone you aren’t thinking about the person, you’re thinking about the things they’re saying. Then it’s easier for instincts built up over a long time to come out. Def goes away with practices and changing those instincts

I live in the "bible belt" of the USA, and hearing that they don't see hate coming from religion towards LGBTQ+ people literally had me yelling at the phone. Maybe it's different where they live, but here christianity and hate are damn near synonymous.

Honestly i love teaching people who actually want to learn and are well meaning, it just feels nice Also Shabba jumpscare

9:02 wow hi I actually feel uniquely suited to answer this question. I am an asexual lesbian. I am not sexually attracted to anyone, but I am romantically attracted to women. There are many factors that go into this attraction and different types of attraction exist so let me break it down. I feel strong romantic and aesthetic attraction towards women. This means that I find women physically attractive in a visual sense (not in a sexual sense) and I also find myself wanting to pursue relationships with them. For me it's like, kissing a man feels like a weird concept to me. While kissing women feels natural. Same thing with other forms of non-sexual intimacy like cuddling etc. These things combined make it so that I can form a romantic attraction to women without having to know them first. However getting to know someone, as it can with all people, can change this. There are times where I find someone really attractive but their personality ruins it and there are times that I wouldn't find someone attractive, but their personality makes me develop feelings for them. This has even happened with a couple of men, actually, but it's a rare occurrence. Overall I think it's easiest to say that I'm attracted to femininity. I also find myself attracted to feminine nonbinary people as well. So no, I would not consider myself pan even though my genital preference is "none of the above". There are so many aspects to attraction that most people don't see because their aesthetic, sexual, and romantic attractions all align. Alloromantic aces or allosexual aros are kind of in a unique position to understand these attractions a little more deeply. (Now does that mean I can differentiate between my own romantic and platonic attraction? Absolutely not! But that's besides the point!)

I have a friend who's been on HRT since she was 12 because of chemo-related long term side effects. Nobody batted an eye or asked if she would not regret it. She's doing great now, btw, 5 years cancer free!

The religion thing is interesting; people who aren't affected by something don't always notice what's going on. Also; there are so many extremes with religion; you can get some really supportive groups and some that are militant in their hate.

I've NEVER seen anyone who is upset about puberty blockers have ANY concern about parents use them no consensually on disabled children. It's not about children. I'm a pan wheelchair user and the overlapping issues from the two communities can get to be. a. lot.

I personally don't mind cishet people calling us queer. It might be cuz the first time I heard someone use the word queer it wasn't as a slur, so I never associated it with that.

24:44 Very interesting to me to hear this kind of reaction to a cishet person use the word queer! As a 23yo trans girl, I see it as just being the obvious umbrella term. I didn't even notice until you mentioned it haha

I don't want to pathologize someone but the person who doesn't understand being straight or gay very much reminds me of my own thought process as an autistic person who doesn't fit in binaries well. It can be hard to relate to other people's experiences in the same way they can't relate to ours, and while trying to understand others better sometimes you come across as a little rude or a little silly 😅

That last post had me laughing. You gotta be blind to not see all the religious (usually Christian) hate and discrimination towards LGBTQ+ people.

Hello all cool people watching this video 👋

I love the shoe analogy. I never feel fully comfortable wearing shoes, and if I could, I'd go barefoot year round. I'm all kinds of queer and these questions really put my brain in a knot. I do think, if anything, these questions show there's a need for more discourse between the straights and the lgbtq+ community. These are fascinating things to talk about, if it's done with an open mind and without prejudice. I do think the straight atheist in the last question has been living under a rock, though.

I am a panromantic asexual guy (and also trans and autistic) and I vibe with the "why is not everyone pan" question ahah, except that to me the whole concept of sexual attraction sounds weird. If I were to ask that question I'd phrase it like "you're a man, you get along with this person, you like their look, you like their personality, you wish you could spend so much time with them, they're the best friend you could wish for... but he's a dude so you don't fall in love with him. Why? How is something as arbitrary as a social construct so efficiently blocking love from forming in your heart?" (I know it's just a matter of different people being different, but it looks like that when I turn my brain off). Because I don't understand physical attraction either, single-gender attraction based on bodily shapes makes even less sense to me.

Misgendering in person is definitely a thing I struggle with as an ally. I think it is because of the physical cues of their past selves still influencing our shortcut brain patterns (like speaking in your native language vs secondary language).

On the stopping misgendering thing: I remember when I was younger I had a teacher who got divorced halfway through the school year and changed back to her maiden name (I know it's not the same thing but this comparison will make sense in a second). I didn't really struggle with the new name but my mom did. My mom always called her the right name when talking to me and then said the wrong name when talking to my teacher. She said it was because when she was in front of my teacher all she could think was "don't say *old name* don't say *old name* don't say *old name*" and because it was all that was on her mind that's what she ended up saying. I think it's likely a similar concept with that person's cousin. In person they're probably putting extra pressure on themselves so all they're thinking is "don't say *deadname* don't say *deadname* don't say *deadname*" and that's making them say it. I would encourage them to try to swap their thinking to "do say *name*" instead, so the deadname isn't on their mind and the person's actual name is. That and maybe chill out a bit cause the extra pressure is likely what's causing them to mess up if this is something they actually care about

As someone who identifies as bi/pan (the way I experience attraction fluctuates too much that I don't find it useful to say definitively the role gender does or doesn't play in it), physical attraction includes body parts that aren't genitals, especially faces. Someone's character can certainly affect your overall attraction to them (someone you were attracted to becomes repulsive when you find out they're bigots; someone you don't initially find attractive who is very charismatic and kind becomes more attractive the more you get to know them-I've experienced both.) In general, straight and gay people are just not attracted to overall bodies that fall outside their perception of the gender they're oriented towards. Some straight and gay people are able to maintain attraction to someone when their genitals are outside that preconception, some aren't, and why they are or aren't able to thread that needle is personal to each and every gay and straight person.

For me I don’t give a shit. He/she/they pronouns work for me. 🎉 woo hoo !! Some instances I get called sir. Some instances I get called ma’am. Works for me. 😊 As long as I’m living my best life I’m not fussed. 🎉

My sibling actually misgenders me more when we're next to each other than when we're not. They're also non-binary, they're just used to A misgender me next to our parents because they're kinda transphobic and B the visual que does actually confuse them.

I'm a teacher in France. And I teach History, Geography and something called Moral and Civic Education (basically we go through a lot of various society topics from how our democracy or justice system work to how to manage discrimination to how responsibly use Internet...). I teach middle schoolers and I am more than happy to hear them asking questions about lgbt things. Like they know various words but don't fully understand it and ask me to explain. Which is incredible progress because 15 years ago, when I was in middle school, I never heard the work lgbt, trans and even homosexual. I learned about the topic a lot later. More than that, they listen seriously to my answers, which means it is a genuine question and a topic of reflexion for them.

As a trans person I only educate those who are willing to learn and understand but for those who are like talking to wall then they’re not worth it.

For the first one: I think its a good description. I am a man, but my body doesn't look like that, so I'm changing my body. I'm not changing my gender, I just want my body to match the gender I have. (idk if that makes sense lul. lots of love to all my trans* siblings

The pan question is really funny to me. When i was a young child i was adamantly convinced that sexual preference was a choice, and that you just fall for a person despite their gender, my parents (very progressive people for they age) tried to explain to me that it was not the case. That straight, gay and lesbians don't chose who they are attracted to. But i was very confused by this and it always felt strange to me on some level. Only a lot of years later i realized the reason. I'm pansexual.

Even a lighthearted out can sometimes come off as hurtful. I tell you this, because as an autistic person, I sometimes struggle to tell whether someone is teasing me in a friendly way, or whether they’re actually being mean. And when I tell people that I often get accused of just being overly sensitive. Obviously, I don’t know this straight person or their friends. So I don’t know the full situation or what exactly they are saying to them. But it’s just something that I thought bring up so that maybe people will keep that in mind.

😂jamie getting frightening was actually very silly

I think the "why isn't everyone pan" question is asking how we define orientation if we don't define gender by physical characteristics. Eg how can someone be physically attracted to only men if being a man isn't a physical trait. This is something I've seen come up before and honestly I don't know how to answer it either, but hey, I'm ace, so I wouldn't know.

I’m nonbinary and only figured that out a little over a year ago (thanks, Jamie! You definitely helped!). I once described my gender like walking around for my whole life wearing a face of makeup someone else, who didn’t know my features and taste, put on me and told me looked pretty. It was such a relief to finally wash it off.

I used to think hormone blockers were ‘bad’ but then I got educated and pfffft they’re no big deal. LOL Love having been uneducated. ❤

About the accidental misgendering in front of someone but not behind your back, my martial arts teacher did that for a while at first. He got the right name and pronouns most of the time, including when I wasn't around, but as soon as we were on the mats, he reverted back to what he always knew me as before. It wasn't malicious or anything. He just fell back into his old habits. Also, I didn't pass female very well in my uniform at the time.

As an AFAB demigirl who falls under the trans umbrella but also happens to be asexual and aromantic and experiences aesthetic attraction I found this video very interesting! Because of my confusing and non straightforward feelings (I.e. I didn’t feel 100% easily identifiable with the most common orientations/identities) it took me until my early 30’s to fully understand myself by finally discovering the existence of asexuality, aromanticism, and demigenders to explain how I felt and through that also realizing that aesthetic attraction existed and was totally separate from sexual and romantic attraction. I struggled for so long because of how much in the gray areas I fell and not being able to communicate my feelings in a way that made sense to other people that it was exhilarating when I finally found other people who felt like me and just “got it” without any need for explanation. As for answering questions from other well meaning people trying to understand how I feel when I talk about being an AFAB demigirl who feels partially male I still have trouble sometimes explaining myself in a way that makes sense to them but I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your shoe analogy and might make use of it in the future because it just seems to “fit” me so well so I thank you very much for that one!

I've heard the "wearing the wrong shoes" analogy for dysphoria, but even as a trans person it never made sense to me, the way Jamie described it here actually made it make sense! :D

I think possibly the reason it's harder to gender correctly when they are there is because if you are with them the conversation is much more "in the moment" therefore the response is going to be automatic. Whereas when you chose to talk about the person more thought has gone into it therefore it's easier to remember to refer to them correctly 🤷‍♂️

Laughed way too hard at "oh my god, you gave me a fright" being a reaction to the person in the story having gender/dysphoria sneaking up on them. It took me a second to realize this was not part of the story 🤣

7:00 I think it's happening because in social situations we fall into habit. When we're alone, we have the space to be deliberate and mindful because there are no distractions, no time pressure for immediate response. Just keep practicing alone, and correcting in situ. The corrections help retrain the brain in the moment, like working your first busy shift at a new job. You'll get there. 😊

I identify as Demi sexual - I need to feel a connection to a person and who they are before I can feel sexual attraction, I do also describe myself as pan/bi romantic in that I can feel romantic attraction to any gender/person and that sexual attraction follows. I can see where this question comes from as I know that people do want to have sexual experiences with people they don’t know (I’ve never wanted that) but will also be sexually and romantically attracted after getting to know someone. But that’s just how I understand myself, as you say everyone is different.

I think the pan question could actually create an interesting discussion about the complexity and social construction of human sexuality You and the person asking are kinda focused on genitals vs identity, but you could also throw in gender presentations like femboys, no op or hrt trans folks, nb people who present masc, and butch lesbians in order to really get into the knitty gritty of the discussion. I think this angle might be what the person asking might've been trying to get at but didn't quite have the words to explain it the way they meant, which is understandable because it is not a common topic of discussion outside of online queer discourse and environments that study these things This is actually how people get labels like bi or mspec lesbian and gay, because queerness in gender can tie into our perception of sexual orientation as well The person asking about it still being straight to date a fully transitioned person is dipping into transhumanism. It's kinda a deep topic and I think it's philosophical, so it makes sense why you wouldn't want to get into answering it because those types of questions and thought processes can open whole barrels of worms. The part of their question about the need for sexual labels can also be tied to what I mentioned earlier about queerness in gender and presentation and how it affects our perception of orientation I do believe it is possible to reach a point where labels for orientation are meaningless and not needed since these labels are socially constructed, but it can't be said for certain it will happen

Something I want to add to the shoe-discomfort metaphor is the social aspect. Not only do you have to walk in uncomfortable shoes all 24/7, but when you tell people it's uncomfortable you are often told that you're lying, or you just haven't walked hard enough. And another layer to it is if people are attracted to you because of those shoes; people being attracted to something that makes you so uncomfortable can make that discomfort way stronger.

Testosterone didn't drop my voice much, and I'm very displeased. I have tried voice training, but it's expensive to do with help, and I am lazy. I still get misgendered on the phone, and I hate it. If I remember (which is often), I respond to the opening prompt asking if it's me with "This is he." It usually stops the misgendering before I get irritated. I hate calling people I don't know because I will inevitably be called "Ma'am." The whole Ma'am and Sir thing should be eliminated, but I'm unsure what could replace it.

you gave me a fright is so adorably British, i would have been like "s*** you scared the f*** outta me"

I only recently heard that nonbinary is considered under the trans umbrella, and based on the definition that absolutely makes sense. Personally, I (enby) don’t refer to myself as trans because I feel like that would be stepping on the trans experience. I have many trans friends and a couple of trans exes, and since I often present as my assigned birth gender and am almost 100% of the time treated as if I am, I feel like my lived experience differs greatly from what they’ve explained to me living as a trans person is like. I have my own experiences of bigotry and social denial of my gender, but it’s nothing compared with what they live with. I am looking into gender affirming surgery, so maybe once I stop presenting as aligned with my birth gender that will change, but for now I wouldn’t be comfortable referring to myself as trans because I feel like that’s appropriating an experience I don’t share. It was very interesting to learn I technically belong under that umbrella though, and I enjoy talking about it because it often becomes a very nuanced conversation and opportunity to share experiences with other cool people.

Religion was one of the things that kept me in denial for decades regarding my gender identity. I was taught that we can reincarnate into any of the sexes, and the idea was for us to learn the roles and responsibilities of each one. Failing to do so would mean delaying your evolution and journey to enlightenment, and you would eventually have to “repeat the exam” until you passed. Today I have a lot of resentment to go through because of it.

I appreciate that you simply accept that the questions are asked in good faith and answer them as directly as possible. I’m straight, and while I understand that it’s not the job of any one LGBTQIA+ person to educate me, I don’t know who better to ask when I want to be sure to treat people with the basic, fundamental respect that they are due.

As a pan person, I also don't understand how everyone is not pan 🤣 but I've figured that it's probably just because I can't imagine how other people feel because I only can feel how I feel. But not because of trans people, just in general. Also with the pronoun slip ups when you're with the person vs not with them, it might be because they're aware that it's important when they're with their trans cousin, so their brain is like "we will focus really hard on this when we are with them" and then fails because the focusing on it makes you slip up. I hope that makes sense, but I know if I try to focus on remembering something or a pronunciation etc then the more I try the more I mess it up. If that makes sense?

21:00 - This question is SO funny to me, because I recently read Samuel Delany's 'Trouble on Triton' which includes exactly this scenario - super easy transitions down to the cellular level. And yes, people in this novel are still gay or straight or bi! Sometimes, if someone wants to be with someone who isn't attracted to them because of their current gender, or they think being the other gender would be better for whatever reason, they will get this reassignment. And the doctors don't question them too hard about it, because if they don't like it they can just switch back! But that's all that's different (at least as Delany imagines it, and that makes sense to me).

Regarding the reclaimed slur, as a cishet person myself with a lot of friends who use that label for themselves and actively identify with it (like just referring to their sexual orientation as that word), I've gotten so accustomed to hearing it and using it with my friends that it's become one of the primary umbrella terms I use. In fact, I'm trying to avoid it in this comment, and it feels almost unnatural not to use it, since it's only been recently that I've been hearing more of the discourse about it being only a word for members of that community since it is a reclaimed slur. I don't want to treat it as something I have a "pass" for because obviously that's not how it works, but I guess in almost all areas of my life it's become so normalized on such a large scale that it makes me wonder whether I was missing something huge the whole time about it being "okay" or not, or if it was considered more okay for a period of time and the attitude is shifting again.

The Pan Question: there's a thing called the "Split Attraction Model." Basically there arr multiple types of Attraction that might align or might differ from each other. The "main" types of Attraction often discussed are: Aesthetic, Sensual, Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual attraction. These different attractions can interact and synergize in very... queer ways. Attraction to the "character" or personality sounds similar to "intellectual attraction" which is is basically someone you would want to have a conversation with, could also fit other types of attraction as well. Part 2 of answering that question. In th A-spec communities, there's an understanding of Sex/Romance-Favourable to Sex/Romance-Repulse spectrum. Speaking from experience, Sex-Repulsion can make one lose any desire/interest/attraction to another person or the scale of repulsion overpowers whatever attraction there might have been. Maybe someone could feel a type of Bi or Pan attraction but they have a repulsion that's just too great. Or maybe they just feel a mono-attraction.

I sympathise with the person who accidentally misgenders. I have a friend who is NB, who I met years before their transition, so when I think about them or talk about them to others, I sometimes revert to their deadname by accident. The thing is that when I'm with them, to me, they are the same person I know and love, so my brain just reverts to the first name I associated with them. It frustrates me. I want to know if it will go away.

After Jamie getting jumpscared I have to see him play a horror game😂

I find it so weird that people refuse medical or just even social care for trans people. As someone who sadly will have to transition later in life even with all support, it just seems so cruel to me to actively deny care in any way.

For the misgendering: I think what might be happening is that OP's cousin has features that are stereotypically associated with feminine-identifying individuals (ex: breasts, curves, long hair, etc.) and OP's brain used to those features being on feminine-identifying individuals = She/Her so it goes to that. It might also be that maybe their cousin only recently came out to the rest of the family and before OP used to only call them by their chosen name and pronouns in secret.

Jamie, what you said bout the pansexual question is exactly why I identify as bisexual. I’m not terribly fussed about genitals, but a person’s gender does play a role in my attraction to them so pan really doesn’t fit for me. I just find many colors on the gender spectrum attractive.

Hi Jamie, I love your jumper. It is super cute. I wish I had a warm looking jumper like that right now.

Attraction definitely is more than genitals. I'm a lesbian, yet can sometimes find guys attractive with absolutely zero desire towards them. Also there are certain characteristics (features or personality traits) I find appealing in one gender that when held by the opposite gender are not so appealing at all. Plus the enby crowd throws me for a whole other loop of confused attraction. Sure I desire my partner is penis-less but I also desire them to be a non smoker, non drinker, along with a whole slew of other preferences/attractions. So sexual orientations are relatively minor in comparison to everything else we base our attractions on.

As a pan person, it also confuses me how, if you are attracted to the character, you wouldn't be able to be attracted to everyone. Its strange to thing about for me

This is such an important video and resource. Like most trans folks, I run into trolls all the time on YT. Occasionally I run into someone who genuinely wants to learn. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. When that happens in a more supportive space, it's often frustrating (if understandable) to see others jump down the poster's throat. This happened the other day when I mentioned being a trans guy and someone responded with, "can a trans be a guy?" I initially assumed they were a troll and ignored them, while others jumped down their throat. But over time it seemed more and more this person was genuinely confused and thought only trans women existed, assumed I must be one who for some reason referred to myself a guy, and wanted to know how he could know when to use which label. I eventually took the time to explain, only to have another person mock me for doing so. Learning is the first step towards acceptance. Even as a trans man, I grew up with no idea that trans men existed. I'd only heard of trans women, and wrongly believed they were the same thing as drag queens - which was the opposite of anything I would have identified with due to hyperfemininity triggering dysphoria. So if even a trans guy can be completely unaware of the reality/existence of other trans men, why not a cis person? We all have to learn. Videos like this help. Thank you.

off topic but jamie has such david tennant eyes😍😍

2:11 that was the most gentle I've ever seen a person get scared! I would feel so safe with you

Hello good looking people in the comments. Go drink some water 🖤

The shoe metaphore is AMAZING!!!!

congrats on a million subscribers man! love to see this community grow. thank you!

I love your shoe analogy. Thank you so much for the longer videos.

8:00 - This one IS a super interesting question, although I feel like the questioner is ignoring the fact that people have traits OTHER than just "personality vs. genitals". Like, what if you like curves, or beards, or...? As a bisexual, I'm not really the ideal person to answer this, BUT since I do have "types", I will try: 1) When it comes to initial attraction, you generally can't see the more private regions of someone's body when they're just out in public - so, while that could be a dealbreaker LATER, it clearly isn't what one is noticing first. 2) While the PERSONALITY traits I tend to be drawn to are exactly the same regardless of gender, the combination of physical features and personal style that tend to make me sit up and take notice are different for men, women, and nonbinary people...and I have NO idea why! There is some overlap (I tend to like expressive eyes and shaggy-to-long hair, for example), but it isn't the same. It could be a cultural conditioning thing, to a certain extent, as I feel like the "types" have relaxed a bit over time... Regardless, I can imagine someone who is gay or straight looking for a funny person who likes cats and anime...and also has long hair and boobs and likes to wear skirts, but NOT one who is 7 feet tall with a beard and likes to wear flannel shirts. Or maybe has boobs and likes to wear flannel shirts, or has a beard and likes to wear lipstick - whatever aesthetic it is. You know? It's a whole package thing. 3) If you are bi or pan you probably don't have genital preferences (I mean, maybe you do, but that doesn't make logical sense to me). But, even if one does have such preferences...it doesn't mean a lesbian who prefers vaginas can't be interested in a trans woman, because some (though not all) trans women have had bottom surgery. And the same for gay men or straight people.

The conversation on attraction to trans men is so interesting! The psychology of attraction is so complex and contextual. How I understand it, the gender of "man" comes with many social and physical markers that are considered masculine that are not genitals. Thicker facial and body hair, Adam's apples, deeper registered voices, smaller breasts, manner of dress, the way one carries oneself, etc. Attraction to some or all of these markers are a large part of what goes into being attracted to men. Though many women possess these traits, and are not less woman due to that, these are socially considered more masculine traits. There is even an "idea" of manhood that others may be attracted to. The concept of having sex with someone who is considered a man, regardless of genitals, maybe enough for some to be attracted. Sure, most people have a genital preference and that is completely fine! But someone dating a trans man with incongruous genitals, and certainly a trans man who has undergone a measure of social and medical transition, is certainly attracted to men.

i think what the gender question was getting at is the same thing I struggle with. if you don't have a genital pref, then how does a person be attracted to a gender? is gender, just presentation? cause that's what most people are saying (whether or not they mean to) when they say they're attracted to a specific gender and that's not a definition that works for me personally. take non-binary as an example. I've heard sooooo many people explain that they can't be pan because they've never been attracted to a non-binary person - and what they're usually trying to say is that they're not aesthetically attracted to androgeny. but non-binary people come in every shape and size and sex and gender presentation...i would argue everyone has the potential to be attracted to a non-binary person (unless you're aro-ace). so what even is gender and how can one be sexually attracted to it on its own.

7:49 That thing about the misgendering when you're WITH someone is so true for me! My cousin is a trans man too and I accidentally misgendered him once when he was with me and felt like the worst person in the whole world for it even though he forgave me. It was infuriating because when I'm not with him I literally speak to people about him using the correct pronouns, I can talk about him ALL DAY and NEVER make a mistake, because I truly do see him for who he is as a guy! And yet when I'm with him, I'm always nervous in case I do it again, and as a result I end up affirming him LESS (e.g. using masculine gendered terms or he/him pronouns) compared to when we're apart.

I wish transitioning was as easy as swapping shoes 😭

i feel okay with cishet ppl using the term queer as long as it's used neutrally, obviously depends on context but seeing how queer is used in like academic papers and has also been the word used by a lot of people to describe the community for a looong time, then i don't really mind. but it is a bit weird bc i dont often hear cishets using ''queer'' at all. like, be it negative or positive, they seem to not really use it much. maybe it's a generation thing, too. i think there's no answer for this one. a part of the community WANTS them to call us queer and recognize us as queer (me included), while another part doesn't want that and preferes to be referred to as LGBT+. both are valid

You are so good with your words and just explaining things in general!! This felt like a very productive video, thank you so much for what you do!!!! 🫶

Btw brilliant video, there are loads of questions ally’s have but won’t ask and a space where these can be asked is awesome providing that you and others answering have the headspace and good mental health for that!

The "isn't everyone bi/pan" question gives me the ick because it reminds me of how straight men can't understand that lesbians exist, especially the lesbians who have never dated or slept with a man before to "fully know". Idk... It just makes me feel weird as if gay, lesbian, or AroAce people (and the spectrum) don't exist... Btw, i used to think that i was pan, so I'm not trying to hate people who have asked that question before because i understand that it's a first step for some people into understanding who they are but it just gives me the ick.

22:27 I am nonbinary and I do consider myself trans, but I know other nonbinary people that don't consider themselves trans. It's a case by case basis, mostly about comfort with an optional label

Thanks for your channel, your videos have helped me through unbelievably rough times. Idk where I'd be without your channel

ha - i was so confused with the "walking around in a parachute" analogy, and couldn't wait to see where it was going 🤣👞👞👟👟🥿🥿👠👠

I’m really bad with names, I will call someone the wrong name that I’ve known for 10+ years and has had the same name for the entire time we’ve known each other. My trick for when someone changes their name in anyway is to overuse their new name. Eventually it clicks. Still going to mess it up, but it’s a lot better.

As an Orthodox Jewish queer woman, I can say for a fact that there can be a very strong anti-religion and antitheistic push among queer communities. I'm often wary of revealing that I'm Jewish- something that is incredibly important to me, my life, and my family- because I've seen people get shut out for being religious and queer and finding ways to balance those two pieces of themselves. I've experienced a lot of negative sentiment, and a lot of queer people make it sound like you have to make a choice between your queerness and religion. What if I want to choose both? Now, I know that a lot of this stems from religious trauma, but it kind of feels like the horseshoe theory- hyper-religious people on one side, antitheists on the other, and they're both telling me that I have to make a choice, one or the other. As a matter of fact, I frequently feel safer in religious surroundings than I do in queer ones (to be entirely transparent about this, however, this is very specific to Jewish communities. I doubt that I would feel the same way in a religious Christian location) because I know that they won't confront me about it- they don't care about my private business; meanwhile, in queer spaces, there will be people who are incredibly mean when I explain that no, I can't have the croissant because it's not kosher, or that no, I can't come to the pride march on Saturday because it's Shabbat. It feels lonely.

I really appreciate this video. I'm cis straight but I want to understand other people as well as possible to be the best ally I can be. I had internal definitions that helped me understand but this video really broke some molds and explained things in a way I hadn't thought of before. Thank you!! Much love to everyone!!

I love how nuanced you are!

8:40 oooh ive had almost the same question for a long time! Im myself bi, but still kinda questioning. i think that person in the question doesnt really separate romantic and sexual attraction. Like a person could be heteroromantic and homosexual (i think it would be a hell lol)

As a neurospicy person, when I’m really involved in a conversation and am excited and having fun I tend to be less careful with my words (mispronouncing words, using similar sounding but entirely incorrect words). I can see how misgendering someone only when you’re with them could come from something similar.

I like your analogy about shoes. It's rather simple and makes sense.

As a bi Christian, I’ve felt a lot of the time disconnected from both communities. Like once I’ve actually had someone tell me that me being Christian was hurting the community, which I’m sure is an uncommon sentiment, but yeah… And of course someone (online) told me that just by liking guys I was actively sinning, which is pretty much the opposite of what Jesus said in the Bible, as he said to love everyone more than yourself.

For the “wrong reaction” to the friend coming out. The part that would be upsetting to me is the walking away. Why did OP walk away?

I love that you kept Shabba scary in and didn't edited it out. 😂😂

Very helpful video, Jamie. This was great for all of us. ❤❤

8:00 Ace person here and I would like to introduce you to SAM, the split attraction model. Sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual attraction et are different scales. Yes, this means you can be heterosexual AND homoromantic or any combination of attractions.

As usual an excellent video This reflects my experience with my coming out as a 65 year old gay in a rural village. Very supportive and interesting question. re The gender thing I always regarded myself as totally cis but I have a high voice and was never upset when I was misgendered, I’ve learned something about myself 🤔 Keep up the good work ❤

thank you for creating such a safe wholesome place on the internet

1:58 That is the most energy I’ve seen in a Jammi video in a long time.

You're perspective on the use of queer was very interesting to me! I'm a leader of my schools pride club (its like a GSA) and we've requested and fought for admin and teachers to use the term queer. It's the prefered term and primary identity label of most gen-z LGBT people I know. I've noticed a generational divide on this topic.

Just picked up my T prescription at the pharmacy and I get surprised w a new video from Jamie. Nice! Also, hi Jamie! Fun fact about bees: when a bee eats the nectar of a flower or pollinating it, sometimes they fall asleep in the flower ^^ If it's not an accurate fact pls feel free to correct me or add your own fun fact!

I always feel like I comment on your videos so much, but I can’t help myself. ❤ I learn something new and interesting with every one I watch. And while I know it’s not your job to educate us, or share your life, I wish I could vocalize how wonderful and brave I find that. While I am the B in the LGBT+ community, I am not getting any younger, and I’m still learning. Anyway, as always, wishing nothing but the best to you, and everyone here.

Oh, Jamie you are such a good spud and thank you for ending the video by calling us tatter tots. It was nice to end such a serious video with a giggle.

For the whole "isn't everyone pan" thing I literally thought that exact way all the time, but now I've realized that I'm just bi/pan and I may not truly understand other people's sexualities but they know it for themselves and that's all that matters