I love cats

LOMLs

I love cats!

Cats are bastards, and I love them

Cats are life, cats are love

I would be more worried about them being predators themselves to be honest... "Oh my god, you are a creep that hid to see me naked" automatically after you tell them makes me think that they would creep on every man they could and that's where the idea came from... sure, could not be the case, but every guy that I heard using that argument on gays were exactly like this... so I am unfortunately too used to straights being HORRIBLE and projecting to not be biased against the ones who use THAT kind of argument... It might be different in a group of friends where joking about having sex with each other or dating each other is normal, because then they can think you weren't joking at all but "testing the waters" with them, but thinking you are necessarily preying on them without any kind of previous indication of that being a possibility always gives me a bad vibe. In my friend group as teens we had a gay guy and nobody ever worried about him or his jokes even when those jokes were pretty strong because we knew he wasn't a creep, when he got a boyfriend in the other hand, that guy made everyone nervous by being a creep and it wasn't about homophobia but about having a creep entering the group. And when our friend saw what a creep his boyfriend was they broke up immediately and nobody was nervous about him afterwards...

TRUE!!!

Right, imagine if person acted that way because they were straight lol. They would be shocked Being part of the lgbtq community doesn't mean you oggle your friends

@@ViktorErikFade I still believe it's a straights' problem... they do that so they obviously expect us to do it too...

My sister acted like that after I came out as bi to her.

This is exactly the reason I am not coming out right now I’m still in high school, and there’s still a lot of queerphobia in my school, and I don’t feel safe coming out right now in this environment because I now I’ll be treated differently if I do I came out to my best friend a few weeks ago, and fortunately she was quite understanding

@@a_weird_mess3 Hey don't worry. You come out when you're ready and feel safe!

This is how I made my husband understand same sex couples. When our nephew came out he said he wasn't sure he comfortable with our kids hanging out with him anymore, (nephew is quite a bit older than our boys bc my husband is 19yrs older than me). I asked him if he was attracted to my female cousins, Aunts, mother, grandmother and/or all female presenting people? He seemed offended when saying "NO!" Then slowly started nodding his head in understanding.

You'd be surprised how often I have retorted with essentially that, only to have them still be uncomfortable/awkward and I had to give up on the friendship. I think a decent percentage of straight women really assume every man is somewhat attracted to them and cannot interact with men normally because they have wholeheartedly bought into the idea that "men and women can't be friends" (and as for bi people, I guess we get no friends? lol...)

Had a toxic friend who flipped out when my best friend and i came out to the group as queer because she was convinced that we're gonna start dating (which idk why that would be a problem in the first place). We told her that assuming we'll date just cuz we both like women is the same as if we assumed that she and our guy friend are going to date cuz they're both straight. In her words "it's not the same thing" apparently.

Yeah try to uninvite for example a spanish extended family workout causing a crapstorm (hint: you can't), plus many people have been traumatized into being doormats for their family (I know such people, yes, even queer ones, and it hurts them a LOT).. "just don't invite family" is easy for some of us (me included) and nigh impossible for others.

​@@theaureliasys6362 exactly, my grandma's got grand ideas about "wokism" and just, no. I couldn't uninvite her, she'd crash the wedding anyway, but it would also make it my problem to deal with her tantrum, and that's just not something you can ask anyone, even for something as important as a coming out. At least not the ceremony proper.

@@laurelyn The bigots also might be helping financially, especially with the wedding itself. I'm really glad people are pointing this out, because yes coming out actively/ inactively, if, how, and when is an individual's choice, but there are consequences to it and you can't make people agree to it when it involves them. Like this wedding, or a non-closeted being expected to hide their relationship from certain people.

Honestly, the idea of these big weddings with a lot of extended family that the couple usually doesn't even like sound like a total nightmare to me. I have heard so many women who basically sacrificed their big day to "keep the calm". If I ever get married, I will probably do like my cousin, no family just the two of them, with the photographer as a witness.

@@marial870 Unfortunately, some people can't because of fudging flying monkeys or just getting a lot of shit from everyone, but yeah, being able to invite who I want would be a dream

People offering unsolicited and unwanted "help" is one of my pet peeves, especially when that "help" is strongly biased by the "helper's" own agenda, values, and personal preferences.

They should have just said he’d had a vasectomy or blunt testicular trauma or something like that

@@bettyjoy6361 but why lie?

@@FrostyShadowYT True, lying might be hard and against what the person believes. They could have said that they know exactly what the problem is, that the guy doesn't produce any sperm, there is no hope for him to ever have children of his own, and that's all the info you're getting. It's shitty that they felt forced to tell the whole truth, instead of just some form of truth, and a very snarky "none of your business".

I think I would have told them - in a 'how dare you bring up a sensitive topic' way - "I have a condition where I was born without testicles. Are you happy now?"

That's insane. I am glad you want to be a parent. I wish you the best of luck.

That's awesome! I've wanted to bear my own kids someday since approximately the same age, and I love that you specifically want to adopt! I always feel a little guilty for wanting to birth my own child rather than give a home to a child who already needs it. And if it turns out I'm infertile or something, I probably will adopt. But I think it's wonderful that adoption is your FIRST choice. That's got to be so reassuring to your future child!

Seriously. Why is a child any less deserving of your love just because it's not made from you? A dog doesn't deserve any less love because it's not made of *my* cum or eggs or whatever, and it's not hard to love it either so why would a human be any different? If reproduction is so important to you, then go, have fun making all the important babies. Oh you don't want to have ten children? Wow, how terrible it would be if somebody pressured you with no respect to your right to choose your life.

Omg yes

I'm glad your family is good about it. My father told me "Well I think it's worth the risk for real grandkids". And yes, for him real=biological 🤬. And the "risk" was my doctor saying she thought there was about a 50% chance I would survive to viability. My father wanted me to **risk my life** to do something I've never wanted to do, just so he could have grandkids that share his genes. Jokes on him, even if I manage to adopt he will not have grandkids, he will not be involved.

These 'friends' are projecting. If they were changing in a mixed sex change room, they would totally be creeping on all the people they find attractive, and this is so deep-seated in their attitudes that they can't imagine another person not acting like a creep in an equivalent situation.

​@@mamasimmerplays4702 Bad as this probably is to say, I think I get where this is coming from. As a straight male, if I were to find myself in a mixed changing room, while I don't see myself staring I don't know if I'd exactly trust myself not to sneak a peek either. It's probably different for same sex situations though, I know for me, I didn't grow up using mixed changing rooms so I wouldn't be quite as used to them in general.

As a gay amab person I js don't like changing in front of ppl or ppl changing in front of me (depending on the extent of undress) bc it makes me uncomfortable. It's not a sexual attraction thing. It's js not something I want to do.

Even when I was dating my ex girlfriend for multiple years, I never looked at her while changing lmao

I am female and I have bisexual/lesbian friends. I have never felt uncomfortable changing in front of them because honestly, they have the same body parts I do, just seeing a boob isn’t that shocking to them! If they were attracted to me specifically I may not change in front of them (just like I would not change in front of/sleep in the same bed of a male who was attracted to me because that’s not respecting their feelings if I don’t feel the same way). But just like not every straight man is attracted to me, not every sapphic woman is attracted to me! I don’t understand why that’s so hard for people to understand! I mean, is every allosexual straight woman attracted to every man? (As asexual I guess I can’t rule that out…)

Good for you.

@j.apenrose7896 There is no such thing as non binary. You're either male or female.

As for 'they were coming from a good place', they absolutely were not. They were coming from a place of control. Nobody who is trying to control somebody else is 'coming from a good place'. They may not consider their intentions to be bad, but they are. Categorically. Objectively.

​@@emisformakeryeah, I feel like OP is probably a good person who tries to see the best in everyone. So she is missing how insidiously manipulative it was of her parents to do that. What an awful invasion.

@@hawkeyescoffee6399 I used to be that person, which is why I'm real pissed off on OP's behalf.

Hell she might not have gone through anything, and could've had a completely blissful pregnancy (minus I'm sure labor because I'm sure that cannot be avoided) and still not want to be pregnant again just simply because she wants to go with another option. That should have been perfectly okay and reasonable enough for the parents.

Oh totally. People can choose adoption and don't owe Pregnancy to anyone. The patents asked if they went to a clinic and they said no, choosing adoption. It could have been the husband knew or could have suspected he was infertile from prior to getting together. Maybe something traumatic did happen and he lost the ability to make sperm And didn't want to go through that exhausting process with his wife now. The couple shouldn't have to say. "No we didn't go to a fertility clinic bc we know the sperm isn't there or won't work and that's why we are choosing adoption." To get people to accept their decision. No. We are going to adopt. Period. The end.

That is very good soup, I like that

While that's how it should be I couldn't deal with for example bringing a boyfriend over when visiting my parents when I didn't know their reaction yet

I came out as bi to my mother when I wanted to introduce her to my girlfriend and ahe acted all betrayed and shit, I told her exactly this but she still didn't get it lol. I mean we never had a relationship in which we told each other much personal stuff so it didn't come up until it needed to, I'm still confused by this reaction. I get that being hetero is the most common thing but why should we treat is as the default?

Or if he'd had mumps as an adult. Or had a vasectomy and wasn't a good candidate for reversal. There are tons of possible reasons...those inlaws were thinking more of themselves than of their daughter and son-in-law.

Or he could be apothisexual ace.

They could also just be infertile

​@@dustygania2425What're you on about now? Nothing is being erased here

@@dustygania2425 oh duster, how is the Jammi fanclub w the werewolf treating ya

​@@PKMNResearcherSkyler Dusty is a known troll, just report and don't engage.

Sadly my parents think my reproductive system and chest are their business. Even though pregnancy would've been life threatening for me. My doc told me it was really good I didn't ever want to be pregnant, because there was about a 50% chance I would live to viability. My father's response "Well I think it's worth the risk for real grandkids". And yes, by "real" he means "biological". Also when he "figured out" I wanted top surgery (as if my hatred of my chest has ever been a secret, oh wait, it never was) he said "You're going to ruin my life". Then I started working on scheduling a hysterectomy I was "informed" I was not allowed to get one and they would stop it if I went to the hospital. So of course I got one anyway, and when I got to the hospital I just informed security, check-in, everyone, that if anyone showed up looking for me to not even confirm I'm a patient. So basically he has absolutely no idea why I barely ever talk to him. My mother just pretends I never came out and, very badly, tries to gaslight me into believing I never did and it was all a figment of my imagination.

a@@waffles3629 I take it that you're not cis, then. I, Internet Uncle-Gay🏳‍🌈, support you! And say that your parents are _creepy._ And my response to the, "real grandchildren," idea would be to tell him, "Why're so fixated on propagating your genes? What are you, a monkey or something?"

❤ yay thank you 😊

Absolutely - part of having a wedding is taking care of your guests, so the same way you'd tell the caterer that so-and-so had an allergy, it's the couple's responsibility to protect their queer guests from homophobic family.

This!! It’s nobody’s business how someone becomes a parent or if they become a parent. Not your kids, not your body, not your business.

Unless it's to use them for labor reasons (AKA using them as an unwilling maid or butler or anything like that) which obviously isn't valid

@@thenexus8384 interesting that your mind would immediately go there

@@s.a.4358 what?

OP even went through a pregnancy before, so she could've very well realised how hard that is on your body and decided to not want to do that again! Possible ofc also a mixture of several of those factors. If I ever wanted children I'd definitely want to adopt for several of those reasons and I know other people who feel the same. It's absurd to me that the parents jumped to conclusions about fertility immedeatly instead of taking any other of these potential factors into consideration. They seem to consider adoption to be not even plan b, not even c but probably plan f or something, a less valid way to become parents of you can help doing it differently

All of this! Even if they were a cis couple, no one has the rights to know someone else's medical history, paying for someone to see a fertility specialist is such a violation of privacy. Literally the only way this would have been ok would be if OP and hubs asked for help in paying a specialist or maybe if it's known they're saving money to do so and you want to help them out financially. Any other time it's not your business to meddle. Urgh! This type of stuff really bothers me. I mean, even as a allocishet woman you need to ward of so many people who want to tell you that you'll want children, even if you tell them you don't. An older colleague once told me that I'm apparently wrong about my own feelings and that I'll change my mind once my "biological clock starts ticking". I actually want children even less now, but I really wish I'd have just shut down that shit earlier when it happened. People really need to stop getting into other people's business like this. Don't ask people when/if they want/will have children. Maybe even don't ask about weddings. Don't comment on other people's bodies. Just wait for people to give you the infos they want to share. I'm somewhat hopeful of this becoming more the norm, afterall many people have come to realise they need to wait for a person to come out, so maybe we can have a more widespread understanding of minding one's business in the future.

​@@CarinaCoffee I had a medical professional tell me the same. As if the slow realization that the only reason I wanted to be a parent was to prove I'd be better than my parents would suddendly dissappear. Living in a culture where I'm at least allowed to never have children is honestly life-saving, both my own and the potential child's. I would have been an absolutely horrrible parent.

Also, it shows how they really feel about adopted children. The "gift" was never for OP and her husband, it was always about the parents/inlaws fulfilling their own wishes for bio grandkids. They are pretending they had good intentions so they get to be the clueless innocent victim when they aren't getting their way. The husband coming out was just more fuel for them to use. It sounds like the manipulation was working, I hope OP realized and put her foot down. No sympathy, if you give an inch, they'll take a mile. They don't deserve to meet their future grandkids.

@@Magic_Skeleton yes, it seems to fall into that thing a lot of people still seem to be hung up on, that you're only "normal" or "worthy" when you reproduce naturally. They can't seem to fathom how anyone would not want that. And that it's like a right to have grandchildren that way because they went through the trouble of having you.

Twunt is my new favorite insult 😂

IKR? like I've had that happen before with a closeted trans friend, and it's such a beautiful experience! I was fucking glowing the entire day

Agreed

Ikr. If my friend came out to me, her being a creep wouldn't even cross my mind. But that's because I'm a normal rational person who doesn't think people are creepy unless they ACT CREEPY. They literally had no reason to think she had bad intentions. They just think gay people are creeps by default which is not okay.

Yeah, a lot of rowdy "young people" have way better manners than the "sophisticated" adults. Btw, I think you might want to delete the part in your post that refers to age. KZfaq is quicker at banning accounts from teens than at banning those from creeps that prey on them.

@@AmarisFrede yeah, the amount of times older people have told me stuff that would be absolutely out of line from younger people, but of course, they're older so I have to just fucking listen or *I'm* the problem, is oustounding. Probably doesn't help that I have a big case of baby face, but _still_

Bro if that teacher had the last name Nicholls, I’m that adopted kid, or it’s a crazy coincidence that both that teacher and my dad are geography teachers that teach 7th grade and adopted a child lmao

jfc im so sorry that happened to you, but at least you can now get better friends who love you for who you are

I'm sorry those people wasted so many years of your life pretending to be your friends. I hope you've got better people around you now.

NTA. You can't just take gifts back after. Those "friends" can go fuck themselves

They brought presents to a birthday party, damn right you shouldn't give that money back. Mostly because they're being bigoted transphobic a-holes, but also, if you decide to end a relationship where the other person hasn't like actively been cruel to you, why would you ask that other person to return gifts you've given them? That's so rude and unnecessary. Maybe if you'd given them a family heirloom or something... But no, even then, the fault is with you giving away something that you actually wanted to keep. 🤷

Keeping the money was the right move. It's the bigot fee lol

@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Since you're generalizing, will you also blame all straight people for the behavior of straight creeps?

​@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Do you realize some of the creepy things straight men do?

@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Statistically, cishet men are responsible for the majority of those things. Every accusation is a confession.

I've had multiple friends come out to me by first saying "I love you as a friend but I'm not attracted to you" I thought it was really weird because like "duh like when I thought you were straight?" Now I see they were preparing for people like that

@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz like the weird friends in the story or the friends of friends in the comment I replied to?

even if it was the first case, its is very violating to book someone for any appointment without their consent or even in their knowledge. its a very weird idea of a "suprise", if the parents knew their daughter tried for a baby but was having problems and it was distressing the couple and they wanted to help, they should talk to them about a consolidation that they're willing to pay for themselves. it's just.... very inappropriate no matter what

It’s so awful when family decides that they know best and ignore what you’ve told them about personal decisions. So overstepping!

@@someonewhocantmakeuptheirm2671 I agree. What I am wondering however is, how is it even possible to book such an appointment for someone else, without their prior consent. Like, how does that work? What kind of Clinic is that? I mean, they even got to the point where they payed for it beforehand. What clinic does that? What about privacy laws? patient confidentiality?

​@@maganatalia8432 Doctor appointments scheduling can be done with someone's name and date of birth most of the time depending on where you live.

​@@maganatalia8432A lot of normal doctors are scheduling online these days, it wouldn't surprise me if fertility clinics did the same. The last few doctors I've been to, they only asked for ID when I actually got there.

It is sus.

I can just imagine the receptionist being like “keep the day open, there’s no way this couple’s coming in” lol

I know, right? All sorts of ethics problems there.

and they CHOSE to pay in advance.... those parents are fucking insane

yeah, even if I was interested in getting the service in general, I would NOT go to a place that accepts money from a stranger in my name without ever consulting me

Yeah, it just makes me sad, and mad, at how many people don't consider adoption valid. I'm not adopted, but I've known since childhood that I only wanted to become a parent through adoption. My parents "don't agree" with that. My father even told me "It's worth the risk for real grandkids". "The risk" being my life btw. Yeah, jokes on him, he won't have any grandkids regardless of how many I adopt.

As someone who is currently going through the adoption process, definitely this. I don’t care if my children are biological me, look like me, or anything. We were loosely trying for bio children for a few years (always with the idea to adopt another kid too) and it’s not happening, but I have no sadness or regret about that. We did not look into the fertility issues.

Apparently is common enough between straights being a creep that they automatically assume we are creeps... just as is common enough between straights to be cheaters that when they find a bisexual they automatically think we want to be with a man and a woman simultaneously cheating both of them... my uncle thinks I want to have sex with any woman he brings home and I say "hi" to because that's how he acts... I always said and will keep thinking until PROVEN wrong that they project their own weirdness on us.

It is strange. A lot of people have dealt with one-sided attraction from both sides, even sexual harassment, and yet straight people aren't usually disgusted or scared about the idea of like, having co-workers be of a different gender even though they could technically develope a crush on you. Maybe it has something to do with of how we deal with fear. Like you might be scared of a bear or a spider coming towards you, even though it's far more likely to run away because humans are dangerous and vengeful. Maybe if you see queer people as a threat, you fear a personal attack even when we just want to be at peace and would rather stay far away from queerphobes. Whatever the case, hopefully that attitude continues to lose popularity.

Reminds me of that Tumblr post "Men and women can't be friends? Damn, bi people just can't have friends"

@@justaperson4656 I remember a post (don't ask me where was it posted) where someone said "men and women can't be friends" and the answers where "bisexuals can have friends, there's only prey" and "bi-lociraptor screeches in the distance, the hunt has begun"... that was the funniest take on that I ever seen... 🤣

For me on the wedding one, I have to somewhat agree with the poster. In some personal celebration like that they really should be the center. There is a parallel in my life with one of my sister-in-law's 70'th birthday, (she is significantly older that my spouse, my spouse being the baby in the family, there being more than 20 years age gap between them) and my having come out as trans. When the party was set everyone invited I had not come out to yet. I made a point to come out to them BEFORE the party as I didn't want to setup a situation where it would shift attention away from my sister-in-law at her own party. I'd honestly have to say both are assholes in that situation to some degree. The one with the wedding should not be forcing someone out..... and the person who isn't out shouldn't be outing themselves at someone elses wedding.

AND how were they even able to make the appointment for them (assuming it was made when OP was an adult)

@@syd6654 Right? I'm not sure what all the laws are but I don't think I would want to trust a doctor who would let someone else "surprise" me with a medical appointment like that. Idk it feels like there's too many opportunities for abuse. In this specific case, even if OP and husband were both cis and could have bio kids, this appointment would have still been manipulative bc they're using the fact that they sunk so much money, that they weren't asked for, to guilt their kid into doing what they want. And idk I think that's something a medical professional should be considering. Unless the patient has explicitly said "this person has permission to make appointments for me" it shouldn't be allowed to just make an appointment for another adult like that.

@@syd6654making an appointment for someone else is not hard as long as you know their ID details. I make appointment for my mother-in-law regularly because she has care needs and it is easier for her (she lives with us and we take care of her, go to appointments with her, etc) I don’t hide that I am making an appointment for someone else, but it has never been an issue. And if I didn’t say the appointment is not for me, as long as I give them the required info they wouldn’t know. I have also made dentist etc appointments for my partner like making an appointment for him at the same time as for me. Granted it’s usually in cases where he is already a patient there, but even if I did not say the appointment is for someone else, it would be easy to clock as I am a woman making an appointment for a man.

Unfortunately, there's people who want to maintain the image of perfect home so much that they won't see the fire until they bring the arsonist family member cigarettes to the jail... they probably think they HAVE to invite and accommodate them even if they can't stand them because they are family... not an excuse to do it, just an afterthought.

I agree, it's not like OP's brother was planning to make a speech saying "I have a boyfriend, who has a problem!" If OP's family is going to make such a big deal about it that it ruins the wedding, they shouldn't continue to be at the wedding anyway.

EXACTLY. Who's the real distraction? The gay couple or the people making a spectacle of the gay couple? The answer may not surprise you, because it's not the people who are just minding their own business!!

I feel conflicted about this one, because I have a grandmother who definitely has the level of entitlement to kick up a fuss at my wedding, and even if it wouldn't be my sister's fault, it would make it my problem to deal with. Sometimes it's not just about the image, we don't know here. I'm not saying it's right to ask anyone to come out under any circumstances, just no, let people come out in their own time, but it would also feel incredibly unfair to me if I was asked to bear the brunt of my grandma's very much obvious reaction to someone coming out. There's a compromise to be found here, but in the hypothetical scenario of the extended family being not only bigots, but also entitled aholes who would crash the wedding even if (and especially) if they weren't invited, it doesn't feel fair to OP either. I don't mean to say he's right, nope, but maybe the coming out just shouldn't be during the ceremony proper if it has that much chances to wreck it. The party after would be a better idea, at least the ceremony's over.

Flying monkeys abound

I can just imagine your arm quickly and aggressively swinging back and forth across the stove top while you have your device set up on the counter and there's soap suds flying everywhere 😂

I’m kind of of the opposite opinion - I think he should get the coming-out over with before he’s in the same room with the potentially homophobic people who may or may not be drunk. But then I read way too many “wedding drama” stories where people ABSOLUTELY WILL make a scene. Whispers are one thing, screaming, fights, and insults are another.

@@ihavenolife7597 Omg this made me laugh so hard I slid off the couch😂😂

@@HeatherSchrivener-el2mx either way, it’s up to him when and if he comes out. No one else gets to decide that. I hope the wedding went well for them

​@HeatherSchrivener-el2mx yeah and the brothers nor even really FORCING him to come out either. He's just saying "hey please don't bring the boyfriend, for this reason." That's not forcing.

I was just telling my family member how obsessed my mother is with me having sex. I’m a 21 year old bisexual single virgin and she will always make comments “will you ever have sex?” “Do you even want a boyfriend?” Like gtfo of my business! My sex future life is for me (and my partner) not for you.

The husband could have had a non reversible vasectomy (it happens.) Would the parents be demanding money refund because they were not told then?

​@@MaddoxEzman ugh, my father is the same way and it sucks. For context I'm non-binary and ace. He almost caused me to crash the car that I was driving in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic because he absolutely loves to have conversations in cars "because no matter how much you hate it you can't escape". Yikes, saying the quiet part out loud there. Anyway, I was 19 and he decided to start a conversation with "You know, sex isn't that bad". 🤦 Which REALLY doesn't sell it. Imagine if someone came up to you and said "Wanna try my bread? It's not that bad". Uh no, pass. Needless to say that despite carpooling with him, I did not speak to him outside of explicitly necessary communication for a few weeks. He ended up forbidding me from getting a hysterectomy. Yeah, that worked exactly as well as you'd think, I had surgery and he got mad.

fr its nacho beeswax

Yep. I've even had people get mad at me for not telling them I'm asexual. Like what???

Ikr I thought I was the only weird one who imagined a butthole during the intro 😂

Yeah, no matter what your body is like, that’s extremely DISGUSTING.

Around 7 months into the pregnancy my sibling chose to tell us that it's a test tube baby and left it at that, no further details. Considering how the topic was obviously painful I can't imagine how horrible it'd have been for them to not only talk about it before they were ready, but to be pressured into giving specific details.

thank you. it counts a lot

i like to say i would feel more comfortable with a trans man or trans woman or both then the person who said they were uncomfortable to have them in the bathroom like bro we’re all just trying to piss you’re the one making it weird

I’m a cis girl and I used to get in trouble for changing in the bathroom because I wasn’t comfortable changing in front of anybody because I was bullied a lot (more from boys but both genders so I didn’t trust anybody).

Yep, I was never comfortable with it. I was constantly told I should be "because they're the same gender". Like okkkk? What does that have to go with anything? So many people would "explain" it to me by saying "But wouldn't you find it so much more uncomfortable to change in front of boys?". Nope, that would be just as uncomfortable.

“so since you’re more uncomfortable with a volcano than an ice bath, here’s the ice, try not to freeze!”

Is anyone comfortable changing in front of others? Im non binary and cant grasp the idea of being comfortable changing in front of others. Im not even comfortable at the doctors office.

It's totally possible, but paperwork has to be signed first by the patient in question. My partner can make appointments for me at a couple doctors offices. Mostly for neurology, because scheduling an infusion for migraine is kinda difficult when you are in a full blown migraine.

I don't think they made an appointment, they just paid in advance

yeah could also just be that she wouldn't want to carry a baby even if her husband could get her pregnant through medical intervention there's probably a reason they aren't doing sperm donation or bone marrow stuff pregnancy can take a toll on the body

I think this is a good compromise.

CozmixDekker-fu4kl, That's wonderful!

I really hope you're living in a better place now. That sounds horrendous, particularly for someone who's still a kid.

I think it's a feeling of ownership. Conscious or unconscious, I think a lot of them feel like their kid is their property for life, and they're entitled to not only the child's life, but also their grandchildren

@@Romanticoutlaw yeah.... that kind of tracks with the behavior. Probably also passed down from their parents sense of self-entitlement as well. 🙄

@@Romanticoutlaw yep. My parents act like I'm a disobedient puppet. I will do stuff as an adult, and they'll get mad and scold me "because you didn't get permission". Yeah, cause I didn't need it, I'm an adult. They "informed" me I wasn't allowed to come out at work...over a year into that job, I was out at tryouts. Then they got mad at me for "lying" because since I'm not actually trans (because they say so), it's lying to say that I am and threatened to call my boss to say I was mentally unstable. I told my boss "Heads up, my parents are threatening to call you because they don't agree with me working here", he replied "What?? Do they expect me to fire you?", "Yep", "You're not joking are you?", "Unfortunately not". Yeah, didn't lose my job, they never even called.

Yo same!

@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz FACTUALLY INCORRECT but you do you ig

​@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz damn, I'm not real?? I always knew it was all a simulation

@@hello_i_am_jacob LMAO real

I’m sorry this happened to you :( Unfortunately such annoying experiences are quite common within the community… Hope you’re doing well now ✌🏼🏳️‍🌈

​@@a_weird_mess3thank you, luckily im doing better, and trying to get through my transition

⁠@@timothyisstupidI’m happy to hear that! Good luck with your journey ✌🏼🏳️‍⚧️

​@@a_weird_mess3thank you so much ❤🏳️‍⚧️❤

I still wonder if that's main character syndrome or creep mind projection... that sucks! Hope you have a good experience with your transition and don't meet too many bigoted assholes in the meantime.

Agreed, that is how it sounded to me. I have a friend who when she married another women her mother said that if the wife carried the kids then she would not view them as her grand child, same if they adopted. Well, they adopted, and she apparently dotes on that little one.

You know, I had the same views as your father (thanks to my own prehistoric religious upbringing), BUT then I had my first son and changed my stance the second he was born. If I am the one being screamed at, the one who changes disaster diapers every two hours, the one who can't use the bathroom in peace and doesn't sleep for years then I AM THE ONE WHO GETS TO CALL HERSELF YOUR MOMMA. Who cares whose genes you carry?! The people who invested years of their lifes into you, ate your mud cakes, held your hand while you were sick, and struggled through 2nd grade math with you, those are your parents. Who the heck cares about blood, it is such a stupid concept. God, so many sleepless nights.

Yep, my parents "forbid" me from getting a hysterectomy because, to quote my sperm donor, "It's worth the risk for real grandkids". "The risk" being my life (no seriously), and "real" meaning not adopted. He wanted me to risk my life, to do something I've never wanted to do and am absolutely horrified by, so that he could have grandkids that shared his genes. Yeah, he'll never have grandkids, even if I do adopt.

8 for CATegory

@@dolson27 lmao yes!!

​@@dolson27I was thinking CATegory. I was also thinking that with the lack of emphasis, this was one pun that escaped even Jamie's notice. 😸

Are you including pawesome at the end?

Congratulations!

🎉🎂🎈❤️

Nice! My one year HRT anniversary is coming up on Friday. Transitioning has been one of the best things I've ever experienced. 😁

Congrats.

6 years next month for me! Happy Rebirthday to you! I’ll be 37 this year & the best choice I ever made ♥️

Obviously yes. I tried at 3 months hrt, 24 yo, and cause i'm intersex i was VERY androgynous. only go one time, have to fight against a rapist. Next week i was in the women part, and a cishet Karen screamed i tried to rape her. She was ejected but i never came back. 16th september, it will ten years on hrt. Now i have problems because i'm lesbian X)

Even ill (Bones fragility +++) i'm quite strong, 90kg muscles for 1m70 (1m81 ten y ago...) so i often fight, for myself or because no one else will protect harassed women in streets or Subway or anyway. And that makes me laugh hard when FARTs say i'm a danger for women lmao

That's what I was thinking about the whole time, they'd still be talking about it whether he came out at the wedding or not.

Exactly they'd be talking about it anyway, and honestly more because they may not have even noticed if he was just chillin with his boyfriend.

But they dont know who is going to be problematic about it beforehand. They only know that some of the guests are religious, and it would be unfair to univite them over a suspicion of bigotry. If the brother warns people of his intentions, they can uninvite anyone who specifically has a problem.

Yeah, i think his reaction was not great. He could have been more reassuring that it was just friendly banter. It seems like he took the opportunity to air his grievances with double standards for men and women.

its funny because in the past, homophobia wasn't really a thing. Transphobia wasn't a thing either. Hell, there was a roman empress who was trans. And nobody gave a damn

@@justyouraveragehumanbeing7411 Sadly people did give a damn, but it’s impossible to know why

Unfortunately, as someone who grew up in the 2000s and 2010s, can confirm homophobia has been in the 21st century- my dad literally campaigned against gay marriage when I was a kid 😢

Also "gay" was used as an insult frequently when I was in middleschool

@@TheSnowconeMachine See, this is what I don’t understand. If it doesn’t affect them, then by all logic, they shouldn’t care, and shouldn’t insult a group of people they know nothing about. I’m really sorry that your high school even allowed that, it’s damaging people’s lives and giving them the wrong impression about gay people. In all honesty, some people who have no idea about certain topics should stop trying to prove their homophobia correct and *maybe* just listen to the people and their experiences.

Thank you. I've actually seen this story a few times and that's always the response. Its not ok to wear white, its not ok to propose to someone and its not ok to come out at someone else's wedding. Its making their wedding all about you. If you've heard all the comments op is just fine with the family members not coming at all if they have a problem with his brother he just doesn't want to spend his wedding day fighting with them and trying to defend his brother, which he absolutely would do at any other time. I think that's fair

I appreciate your take, but I think we don't know enough about the family to know if the situation is closer to yours. It might also be that the brother and OP have a different idea of the kind of reaction the family will have. Clearly, the brother assumes it will not cause loud, obvious reactions, and the mom agrees. For example, I'm Italian but my "two halves" of the family are from significantly different backgrounds. I know I could show up with a same-sex partner if I were attending an event with my dad's side, and even if someone had something to say, I would probably hear that afterwards or through other relatives. However, I have no idea how my mum's side would react and I'd be the first one who wouldn't want to find out on my sibling's wedding day 😅 I feel like OP and the brother should communicate more and share their respective expectations, there's a chance they are just a on the same page imo.

​@@alexhikaas you said, we do not know the family. We only know they are religious, but not how they behave. I was on a scene of a wedding because the cousin on one side of the family brought the ex gf or another cousin as their partner. They were no even dating but friends, and the scene was horrible. Just in the middle of the party. It can happen and it's uncomfortable for everyone, but specially the new-weds

@@alexhika All I know is they said they are homophobic. That already tells me that they've at the very least made hateful comments and not in private either so this notion that they won't cause a scene is flawed because they've already made their opinions known and openly too so they aren't embarrassed by them. Idk, seems like a stupid risk to me and OP is also correct that it's going to take the spotlight from his wedding which is also just rude because realistically he's going to be coming out multiple times throughout the night.

​@@alexhikathat's a really good point, maybe the brother and mom expect them to keep it quiet during the event and explode afterwards but OP expect them to blow immediately. Every family is different and in this case we should take that in account before deciding. We can't, of course, for lack of information, but depending the family both outcomes are possible so... third option being "brother's special friend/roommate" which sucks, but wouldn't cause a commotion in the event.

That's awesome! And honestly,. if we have ice sculptures, I'm surprised that cheese carving for events isn't already a thing.

Internet Uncle-Gay🏳️‍🌈 here. Showing up at a wedding with your same-sex +1 _is_ coming out at the wedding. And I'm sorry that my generation wasn't able to make more progress, but we didn't, so coming out, even if passively, makes you the center of attention. Major Wedding Faux-Pas: making yourself, a guest, the center of attention at someone else's wedding. The brother and his fiance _like_ the bi brother's b.f. They want him there. So, here's the obvious solution: bulk letters, from both brothers. One is the bi brother coming out, the accompanying letter is from the couple getting married stating that they _want_ the brother & his b.f. there, and that anyone who disapproves should _decline the invitation now,_ because they won't be welcome at their wedding harassing another guest. Problem. Solved. Brother has come out in advance, so he's not the focus, and the bigoted half of their family has been put on notice that if they make an issue of this, _they_ will be the ones being a distraction at someone else's wedding.

@John_Weiss While I initially thought of a similar idea myself, the more I thought about it, the more it didn't pass the vibe check. The bi-bro already said he wasn't going to make it a formal announcement, but that if people asked him directly he'd tell them. Basically the question, "Who is this person you brought with you?" and you explain who they are and don't hide it. Also, it's pretty telling that the Mom thinks that he's being homophobic, too. Again, the poster is contributing to a homophobia-supportive culture. HE is the one making his brother's orientation and relationship into a big deal. Now he has the nerve to be upset when, predictably, his brother said he's probably not going to go to the wedding now. At the end of the day, who is more important to the poster, his bisexual brother, or his homophobic extended family members? Another possibility is that bi-bro doesn't want to come out to everyone all at once, which is valid. Also, this brother has a pretty unrealistic idea of how wedding days go. Usually at least 3 people are pissed off at someone else at any given time, somebody forgets something, something breaks, someone gets too drunk and does something stupid at the reception, at least 2 babies are scream-crying during the wedding ceremony, and of course, everyone is being judgemental and gossipy, as weddings also double as family reunions, just with nicer clothes and food. I've even been to a wedding once where people were thrown out for bringing in illegal drugs, and another where a groomsman never showed up and they couldn't reach him, so a cousin who fit the rented tuxedo had to sub in last second!

​@@indigothecat After my cousin's wedding, at the hotel, I noticed a couple having a screaming row on the floor above across the lobby, I think they broke a vase or something. Hotel security threw them out. Turned out to be my uncle and his so; they were both recovering alcoholics and one of them had a few drinks during the wedding. I think my other uncle (father of the bride, brother of the brawler) didn't speak to him for maybe a decade.

​@@John_WeissHe can bring his boyfriend without telling anyone he's gay, he shouldn't have to do anything else. I've brought female friend as my plus one to a wedding before, we weren't dating

@@Free_Palestine_75 I may be forgetting now, but I thought that he was basically coming out _by_ bringing his boyfriend. Or, using the fact that his bf was his +1 to come out to his father's side of the family.   And, I'm sorry, but as Internet Uncle-Gay🏳‍🌈, I have to point this out. Back in my youth, and even now in many [most?] places 30 years later, showing up with a same-sex +1 to _any_ gathering like a wedding is de-facto coming out to everyone there.   No, it's not fair. But it makes the wedding about _him_ and who he's with. And they're not going to want to dance with each other? If they say nothing, but decide to dance with each other, that will make _1/4 of the guests_ focus on them. "So don't invite those guests," you may say. Okay, so now we're asking this man, in order to spare his brother from coming out _and_ not have to spend the whole wedding "playing straight", to _disinvite half his family?!?!?_ No, getting this out of the way _before the wedding_ is the only solution. He comes out, with his mother, brother, and future-sister-in-law all backing him. Then if anyone has a problem, _they_ become the ones making unreasonable demands on someone else's wedding.

Phrasing it as "so I know who to uninvite" would have changed the whole conversation there. I don't think that was his intention, though.

lesbian is not the a-hole I think the issue with those friends is that they probably see sexuality as predatory in general they've likely experienced predatory men and immediately put lesbians in the same group do to attraction, which isn't right at all. Not to say that it doesn't exist, but it is wrong to immediately label anyone a predator for simply having an attraction

I'm so sorry that happened to you. And yes, your step-aunt violated federal law, in addition to violating your trust.