Is 'Self-Help' a Scam?

Рет қаралды 71,957

Күн бұрын

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Self-proclaimed self-help gurus often offer miracle solutions to life's problems. But do they cause more harm than good?
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Пікірлер: 323

@concibar4267 4 жыл бұрын

I am working myself out of depression and have a long history of therapy. A close friend is going full into self help and it creeps me out a bit. Mostly because of the attitude you mentioned: "Everything is fixable by you, everything wrong is thus only a result of your choices." On the other hand I am often equally angry at people that instead wrapped up their identity around their mental illness. "You have to respect my problems, I can't do anything. Don't you dare talk solutions." Like sure: You don't control everything, and that sucks. Be it your past, your genetics, or other people. Still, you can do shit and if you want a chance of improvement you have to play. You must vent & cuddle. You must work & change shit. The difficult part is to learn when to vent and when to work.

@danbrown9502 4 жыл бұрын

I agree. My summaries are: 1. There may be no freewill [citation needed], but that doesn't mean I can't take responsibility for my life if I "choose to" recognise that ability. 2. You're allowed to bitch and moan and feel sorry for yourself and be an idiot... For one whole night, under the premise that you'll wake up tomorrow and stop being a baby, d--k head. They tend to work for me as general rules. Sometimes the heavier grievances take more than one night of being pathetic, but they should never consume your whole day!

@markor6582 4 жыл бұрын

I think the attitude of "everything is fixable by you and everything wrong is only a result of your choices" is a way for people to feel like they have control over their lives. Doing whatever you can to fix your condition and taking responsbility for your bad choices is an advice that I will 100% stand behind since I see what improvements it's done in my life. But at the same time there are so many factors that aren't your fault and you can't control, it's sad to say that sometimes you can do everything right but the odds will be stacked against you. I always say that we should be working to make society better and give people from disadvantaged backgrounds more options, but if you're one of those people you can't wait for someone to help you, you have to take matters into your own hands.

@concibar4267 4 жыл бұрын

@@markor6582 Yeah, I think that is the point. If The toilet in the dormitory is dirty, I have to bitch @ other people and find a solution together. I can't clean against 10 other ppl.

@Nobodydu77 4 жыл бұрын

* THIS * you go darling !

@izunahosaki6133 4 жыл бұрын

Vent & cuddle. love that

@OsirisMalkovich 4 жыл бұрын

"I think health care should be free, but that's a whole other messy conversation." It's only a messy conversation in one country. Statements like this make me so sad for Americans.

@thezenarcher 4 жыл бұрын

to be fair, health care costs some amount of money up-front in multiple countries outside the US as well. That said, I agree with the sentiment of your comment. It shouldn't be controversial ANYWHERE.

@danbrown9502 4 жыл бұрын

That's what I was thinking, the concept of not having free healthcare, in a 1st world country... It's paradoxical to have those two statements in one sentence

@owlie5909 4 жыл бұрын

Let's say I tried to revoke the tax-exempt status for discriminatory religious organizations, and so Ben Shapiro picked up a gun and shot me... If I were in the US, even with excellent private insurance, I could still expect to pay thousands. That would easily bankrupt most people. Here in New Zealand however, after leaving the hospital I won't have paid a cent. In most first world countries, we understand that someone who's suffering deserves help, and that we shouldn't make them suffer even more over something they didn't choose.

@eagle3676 4 жыл бұрын

@@thezenarcher The difference is those countries are poor and their people want that healthcare system that takes care of everyone and governments, even right wing ones, at least pretend to care that they want it as well. Take my home country, Pakistan. Literally no left wing party exists but all of them talk about healthcare for all. Of course we don't have the money and our politicians are so corrupt they don't have the will to do it, but for normal people, they will say of course everyone should get healthcare without worrying about money. Other than the US, most every country either has or wants universal healthcare. It's not controversial at all

@eagle3676 4 жыл бұрын

@@danbrown9502 I don't consider US 1st world or developed for various reasons. This is one of them

@inkarnator7717 4 жыл бұрын

My personal problem with 'Self-Help' is that most of them are trying to tell me that if I want X, I must do Y, before even asking me how much of a priority X is for me, or what kind of priorities I might have whatsoever.

@moncielvariable 4 жыл бұрын

YES! -Do you want a wonderful career? -Yes. -Follow those steps and work your ass off during all your free time, and you will get to it! -But... do you know what I would like even more than a wonderful career? Meaningful relationships. Free time. Mental health.

@airget 4 жыл бұрын

best "self helps" are ones that make you think, they ask you questions you don't ask yourself or force you into a perspective you never considered. If the self help can take you out of your comfort zone/bubble to rethink life as a whole, it can make you better since most of the time a person who needs help tends to be someone stuck inside the mind of their tiny world. They feel like a failure/jobless/single but then they have to take a deep breath and realize that maybe they have no job because they aren't exerting themselves or they think certain jobs are beneath them. Or that they are single because they don't socialize enough or get to caught up worrying what others think about them. Self help at its core really isn't something that should be as expanded as it is, sure you could have specialized self help that could target specific people but at the end of the day self-help is about looking at your life from another perspective.

@lianellablackwood-darlingt2326 4 жыл бұрын

My biggest problem with self-help content is that it rarely gets to the root of the problem. Lack of motivation from time to time is totally normal, and learning skills to cope with that is great, But serious, constant lack of motivation is a symptom of a larger problem. As someone who uses productivity as a distraction from my real problems, I find a lot of self-help content really damaging. It sets you up for a great fall. Countless times I have put my full energy into something because I think it will bring me fulfillment, but when I reach my goal I just feel empty. What I was doing was a distraction and when the distraction ends I feel broken and tired. Obviously therapy is ideal for people like me, but in a society that constantly preaches that it's your fault if you're not perfect, it takes a real crisis for me to realize I need that help. If self-help content was more honest in what it can do, I wouldn't mind, but it is often so disingenuous that it acts like a trap for people like me who have been conditioned to believe I am the problem and that I need to fix it on my own. Edit: I should add that my husband is an ex-Mennonite and that religious styled self-help is huge part of what keeps unhappy people within those communities. He still has PTSD related to self-help content because it kept him in an unhappy marriage and an unhappy life for so many years. He's still just as productive as you would expect of a Mennonite, but he has learned to get to the root of problems when the occur instead of feeling that he must just work harder to fix those problems. We were so surprised when we first met that we had such similar issues around productivity despite completely different upbringings, and we really bonded over it.

@Darth_Bateman 4 жыл бұрын

I think Audible is a big contributor to this : There are two books I compare, a book called "Get out of your own way" written by a Tony Robbins archetype. It's mostly him yelling at you for about 4 hours, telling you hard truths that are inspiring, but if you've read other books you have read it before. This book has 5 stars, people LOVE it. Then there is another book, the better of the two: I know what to do, so why don't I do it? This book addresses every scientific aspect of procrastination from imagery, expectation of outcome, to health, to even nutrition and how free radicals can affect you when you have a moderation of them in your body rather than the typical "avoid free radicals" that is apparently becoming popular lately. Guess which book people prefer and understand? Hint: Not the one that's telling you to use imagery to influence your work-ethic. Get out of your own way has a 5-star rating. I know what to do, so why don't I do it? has 4-stars. When it comes to tech, people just want it TOO easy.

@19boris57 4 жыл бұрын

Terms like "self-help group" or "self-help book" seem like oxymorons to me. Books and groups and coaches are not self-help; they're help.

@apophis7712 4 жыл бұрын

"If you're looking for self help, why would you read a book by somebody else? That's not self help; it's help!" -George Carlin

@brianchavez2829 3 жыл бұрын

@@apophis7712 👍👍👍💯

@drew3454 4 жыл бұрын

I have to say that as a practicing Buddhist, I can get frustrated when people pedal the imagery, and neutered elements of my religion for self help. Related to that, I am disgusted when self help 'movements' just casually slide into cult territory.

@princesseuphemia1007 4 жыл бұрын

I know what you mean. I used to be a practicing Buddhist and left after many years because the western interpretations of Buddhism just weren't really my jam. I still like Buddhism overall and really like most practioners of it, but I don't practice myself because the philosophy of it doesn't really work for me anymore.

@drew3454 4 жыл бұрын

@@princesseuphemia1007 I totally get what you're saying! I have found its alot about correctly interpreting the meaning of practices, scripture, koans, ect. Especially when lots of things have undergone multiple translations over thousands of years. Most people in here in America just think it means I am a hippy, or a weeboo. And I mean, I AM both of those things but like fuk off ya know?

@sammyseagull 4 жыл бұрын

@@princesseuphemia1007 why on earth would some other folks interpretation have any bearing on you??

@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 3 жыл бұрын

@@princesseuphemia1007 I see you with that Code Geass reference in your name :)

@KilgoreTroutAsf 4 жыл бұрын

The way it has been for me can be boiled down to "If it would be that easy, you would have done it already". Telling someone who's been in a long time rut to "just do X" is usually no different than telling a depressed friend to "just cheer up". Yes, Einstein, I know what I have to do already; problem is it's out of my control.

@LOLquendoTV 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, hes back! Also the only self help advice I would give that I personally find useful is that ENVIRONMENT is everything. Motivation and Discipline are nice to have but they are hard to develop from scratch and are not as sustainable. Making for yourself an environment where the path of least resistance is healthy and good is key. Obviously thats really abstract and you have to figure a lot for yourself but working on that rather than just banging your head against the wall of making structural changes to your life through sheer force of will alone is really helpful. For e.g I gained a lot of weight at university. I went from an environment of home cooked meals, highschool which was 20 mins cycling away and a subtropical climate with long days and sunny weather to a UK uni with family far away, a campus accommodation with lecture theatres 5 mins walk away, cheap ready meals/sandwhiches all around, short days and generally an environment which encouraged isolation and sloth. I didnt fundamentally change as a person and yet I became a much more unhealthy in the span of a couple of months. Slowly Ive gotten better, lost 11kg (helped majorly by moving to off campus accommodation) but willpower alone would have peetered out fast. If you read the whole thing, thank you!

@cgg2621 4 жыл бұрын

I agree and weight loss is one of the most obvious goals in which this rings true. Every time I've moved I experienced a change in my eating and exercise habits, which has led to a lot of fluctuation in my weight! But can also help with addictions (surrounded by supportive people, away from those who also have the habit, away from stressful environments that encourage it), mental health, other changes of habit.

@zann6108 4 жыл бұрын

I was actually going to comment on this myself, as setting up an automatic transfer of money to a separate savings account is actually a really great example of adjusting your environment rather than fighting to change your spending habits. But you covered it better than I could have, so I don't really have anything to add, lol. However I do have to recommend an article that discusses how recent studies have basically debunked the concepts of willpower and self-control, and by extension how the way we structure our lives plays a large role in what we'd normally attribute to them: www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/1/15/16863374/willpower-overrated-self-control-psychology

@MethCrystal666 4 жыл бұрын

I did read the whole thing, and thank YOU, that sounds like very smart advice.

@LOLquendoTV 4 жыл бұрын

@@zann6108 thanks for the article. It was an interesting read

@PortraitofAsha 4 жыл бұрын

Me!

@Darth_Bateman 4 жыл бұрын

Self-Help is like Fourth Grade. It's a good start, but eventually you have to move onto college.

@MadeleineSwannSurreal 4 жыл бұрын

It seems the basic message of a lot of these things is fine, it can be helpful, but it's really easy to be sucked into a cult with a guru endorsed by Oprah

@eagle3676 4 жыл бұрын

@Hon. Ian why the Bible though? Why not the Torah, the Quran, the Vedha or any other book? Why do you assume every person would read the Bible if they didn't read these self help books and were religious? And which version of the Bible? And which language? Hebrew?

@AllenLutchman 3 жыл бұрын

😂🤞🏽

@fionadooley2437 4 жыл бұрын

I want to hear you alternate between the a minor and e minor chords.

@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342 4 жыл бұрын

I own like 30 guitars and can play slightly better than him. I want to show him a E and B chord lol.

@sanityisrelative 4 жыл бұрын

I once used to be able to play Let it Be. I think I can remember how to play a c chord.

@seanmatthewking 4 жыл бұрын

How/why does one acquire 30 guitars?

@pesosgouda8223 3 жыл бұрын

Sean Matthew King Interdimensional guitar-selling wizard 🧙‍♂️🎸

@ZL1LoVeR 3 жыл бұрын

The first few months are the most grueling, then gets a lot more fun 😊 Unsolicited Self-Help Advice: It’s about the long game, progress is incremental and gradual with a few breakthroughs here and there, and from then on it’s muscle memory

@jklubnik 4 жыл бұрын

"But sometimes, people make shit up." Golden.

@TonyP_Yes-its-Me 3 жыл бұрын

I knew a woman, years ago, who always carried a pile of self help books, with her, and constantly showed them to you, unasked. When I say "carried" I don't mean in a bag. She carried them in her arms, clutched to her chest. She would refer to them like the bible, pointing out the best passages, standing there until you'd read it. It hadn't improved her life. She became obsessed. I believe she had mental health problems, but refused to acknowledge it.

@rynowill75 4 жыл бұрын

This is actually very interesting to me because I until about a year ago, I was so fucking lost. I packed on a ton of weight, my job made me miserable, my relationship with friends and dating was sad. Now I'm doing better. not tons better I've still got a lot of work to do, but I'm going to therapy, I've net with a personal trainer, and I'm currently going back to school for social work to be a drug and addiction counselor because I'm so fascinated with the psych of addicts and I've found that my strengths involve me being very easy to talk to and a good listener. I've still got tons of work to do but I'm more inclined to fix what's broken, even if it takes a while and is exhausting (and trust me, it's absolutely exhausting lmao).

@legmog 4 жыл бұрын

Hey! Hope everything's going well for you!! :)

@ondrea4936 2 жыл бұрын

@@legmog This was greatly inspiring to read, thank you.

@crowlieg.7572 4 жыл бұрын

Hey can I just.... Thank you so much for casually including neurodiversity when you rattle off statistics - - it's a little thing, but we autistic people are so used to not even having our existence acknowledged, so your saying the "average" human is seen as "straight, cis, middle class, neurotypical, white male" means so much, I'm moved to tears over here, thank you. (I definitely picked up your using the term neurodivergent in another video, as well.) And I love your content! Thanks for doing what you do! It's always good to have an articulate voice around....

@UntoTheBreach24 4 жыл бұрын

These videos have this great thoughtful and genuine vibe, which together gives the whole thing an inherent kindness, not like you directly/specifically engage the viewer to be kind but I _feel_ it yaknow Well whatever it is it makes me think a bunch of thoughts, and I appreciate that This hyper-individualization is scary shit; we've all been conditioned _against_ earnestly talking about our problems with other people, and not even _just_ because it's a "you thing," but because we're told that other people don't wanna hear it! Not only are you not fixing "your" problem, you're making it "other people's" problem too! Of course it's bullshit; use your discretion, but hell, in my experience tons of people, friends especially but even _complete strangers_ are often understanding and down to shoot the shit about the real stuff. It really is amazing what people will talk about when they get past that first hurdle and realize the world isn't gonna blow up because they're talking about their family troubles, health problems, even fucking class struggle It's weird to think about, but you can totally talk about pretty dramatic things in almost "casual" terms that doesn't scare someone away; in fact usually they'll know exactly how you're feeling, or have some sympathy or advice, whatever. Chances are the both of you have been needing the chance to get stuff out of your own head! I've found it challenging, but very fulfilling, to consciously break past the dumb doubts and roadblocks (that aren't even my original thoughts anyway) and just _earnestly_ engage with the world and other people, and it's been cool as hell. Trying to be understanding, forgiving, and helpful for others _and yourself_ might not correct all your problems instantly, but it's hard to describe the amount of good it's always brought me (almost like HAKO is genuinely good, straightforward advice in and of itself)

@nicoleraheja8302 4 жыл бұрын

I find a lot of self-help content is victim-blaming, indicating that everything is your own fault because of your attitude when you could be in a situation that’s abusive or bad for you, and a lot of self help will tell you to keep pushing through and focusing on the positive rather than finding a situation that’s better for you.

@peterpinkous8555 3 жыл бұрын

“Life is pain your highness, anyone who tells you differently is selling something.”

@ryleexiii1252 4 жыл бұрын

The only good self-help book is Betty Crocker's Cookbook.

@alexgaggio2957 4 жыл бұрын

Hey T1J, I really appreciate this. Not too long ago I reached the lowest point of my life. Been going through a bad break up and dealing with severe mental health issues. I felt completely out of control and wondered how I got this way. Since then I’ve been getting really into this “self-improvement” mentality. I’ve gone to therapy, gotten on medication, started meditating, and just been reading some helpful insights. Personally, I found some of this ‘self help’ stuff really helpful, even some of the more out there methods. My brother is actually a motivational speaker but I never felt the need to look into that until my life fell apart. I never liked the idea that these ideologies tend to ignore systemic issues and completely put all the responsibility on the individual to change everything. But, in response, I ignored my own ability to shape my life and direct my path of growth. So now I’m finding a balance. Some the stuff is bs, but even then, I look for results, so if positive thinking makes my life better and imagining what I want makes it happen, I don’t really care much what the reasoning is. Also, meditation is just great and scientifically backed and everyone should do it. Anyway, since all this work, my life has improved immeasurably. My mental health is the best it’s been in a long time, I’m really satisfied with myself and my career, and I’m excited to grow and see where I end up. So yeah, if anyone is looking for advice on my end, it is possible to change and some self help can help, but it just takes time and work.

@RespectFalseIcons 3 жыл бұрын

You make some pretty reasonable points here. I would also say self help will become toxic the moment you start to idolize someone, and focus more on the ethos rather than their message. Its important to seperate the idea from the person reciting it.

@Samantha_76 4 жыл бұрын

Omg, why is Sir Applesauce screaming at me? Fine! I'll buy the T-shirt! *flails towards merch store*

@BlueSapphi3 4 жыл бұрын

Ha! I actually pictured a rubber arm figure with your head on it flailing toward the merch store.

@sanityisrelative 4 жыл бұрын

@@BlueSapphi3 kzfaq.info/get/bejne/n7iKZbaZmpO8pYE.html

@BlueSapphi3 4 жыл бұрын

@@sanityisrelative that was traumatizing...thank you.

@sanityisrelative 4 жыл бұрын

@@BlueSapphi3 my pleasure.

@naomistarlight6178 4 жыл бұрын

I think my own journey with "self-help" made me realize just how little is actually within any individual's control. The problem was not me anyway, I was being bullied in elementary school, and in high school I had to put up with my constantly angry, often high step-dad. Self-help books can sometimes be victim-blame-y? (If that's a word?) Like, it's all well and good to try meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, creative visualization, and organized checklists. But, people should not be made to feel bad if they have trouble getting their life in order because of external reasons like abuse, crime, poverty, addiction, and mental illness. And they never talk about institutional racism, sexism, and other forms of bigotry and discrimination. Like you said, the game isn't fair.

@NellyMacharia 4 жыл бұрын

Truth I was in a self development program and every time we were in class I felt the whole session was a victim blaming triad that instead of making me feel hopeful and optimistic left me feeling guilty and self hatred. It was exhausting

@NellyMacharia 3 жыл бұрын

@Selim Sultan Akbar 🤬💩

@lhfirex 4 жыл бұрын

I do have problems with self-help gurus, if only because I had a friend in a big MLM/pyramid scheme who was always recommended self-help books (many of the ones you showed in this video) as part of helping him learn to develop himself to be a businessman on the road to millions. I'm not blaming self-help gurus for MLMs, but it would not surprise me if they speak at their conferences in exchange for getting their books promoted to people trapped in these scams. I'm still friends with the guy I talked about, but he got out of the MLM years ago and his life is doing way better as a result.

@91Vault 4 жыл бұрын

Todd Crabtree there is definetly crossover in the tactics used...Unrelated But I saw a guy on KZfaq who “joined” an mlm for a laugh...he was at a meeting with his upline who was like “you should buy these materials” and he was like “oh cool can I borrow yours?” and it was like the uplines brain just stalled, it was not in the script

@seanmatthewking 4 жыл бұрын

Todd. Jim Rohn was directly involved in mlm. His protege developed Herbalife, and then John was brought on board. At least one of his recorded lectures was at a Herbalife conference, so you’re not completely off base. That said, John always struck me as a fairly honest person with straight forward advice. Plus, he’s dead, and his speeches and book can be found online for free. I prefer dead motivators because they don’t have anything to sell you.

@strauchdieb7628 4 жыл бұрын

@@seanmatthewking Gotta say, I've been pretty happy with HL for 22 years now. Some friends and family too. Met Jim Rohn a few times in the late 90s/early 2000s. His ideology was very Capitalist/Liberalist, which didn't agree with me very much. Still, great speaker and a decent human being, from my experience.

@seanmatthewking 4 жыл бұрын

I’m not too concerned with his political beliefs. Most of his speeches are just about succeeding in the system we have, which is practical.

@jblue1622 4 жыл бұрын

Some novels can be self-help too, whatever inspires you in your life to do things for yourself, your livelihood, and your future

@jblue1622 4 жыл бұрын

Although I take issue with the name “self-help”

@JaneTheMessage 4 жыл бұрын

I’ve been reading self-help books since I was maybe 7? I tapered off once I got the bits that helped the most and noticed things began looping into repetitiveness. I do think it helped me cope with the aspergers/autism that I had no idea I had. I don’t regret it because it may have helped me (accidentally) to get through the crappier parts of both having autism and also not knowing that was the problem, but because of my experience, it makes me wonder how many people get into self-help because they are struggling due to an impairment or disability that’s subtle enough that they pass for non-disabled but impactful enough that they’ve internalized a lot of unfair criticism and failure. Plus it probably would have been at least if not more helpful if I just knew I was on the autism spectrum. :/ I think it’s usually at least a little bit misguided because the genre fails to think about social dynamics (like any kind of analysis of class, for example) and cognitive (and other) impairments and disabilities. There’s some great nuggets of advice and helpful ideas, but there’s this overall lack of awareness of how what is (or isn’t) happening in society dramatically impacts the circumstances of individual people.

@TheTybot3000 4 жыл бұрын

This was an honest, clear and heartfelt video. Thank you very much for sharing it.

@blackhogarth4049 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for doing such a thoughtful video. I appreciate your nuance. Keep up the good work.

@amandareynolds-gregg5962 4 жыл бұрын

I think the thing with self help books is that you can't think of it like a contained answer to all your problems. You have to take what works and resonates for you and then "throw away" with the rest. One of my favorite self help books blatantly said that, even about her own book, and that was really helpful for me. And certain things will resonate more than others depending on the person. Like for me, anything that starts getting into visualization or "projecting intentions" is very unhelpful. I prefer more tangible types of actions. I'm reading a book about intuitive eating and am working on eating slower, being more mindful, asking questions about how I feel and am reacting to what I eat. That I am slowly making progress with and it feels good.

@essencer.9494 3 жыл бұрын

I just found you on YT and I'm so thankful. I have my own agency, of course, but I love listening to well-rounded perspectives. Things as an "industry" is very different from the same thing as... a legit thing (if that makes sense). Real self improvement is pain. It's looking at yourself, changing your habits, ect. Great video (even if I do not agree with absolutely everything)

@halbritt 4 жыл бұрын

Lots of reasonable guidance in this, thanks for making it.

@darktriadlifestyle619 3 жыл бұрын

bro it's cool hearing someone talk about this. I've been thinking about it for a while. In my gut it really seems like a lot of this 'self help' culture is an industry that preys on people by exaggerating the idea that they are all lacking something in life. An endless cycle of convincing people they need more and are always on a treadmill of never being satisfied.

@eduardoestebanmartinezdele2219 4 жыл бұрын

Just yesterday I saw a video of Theramin Tree about how manipulative groups (mainly cults and religion) get adult members by first making them feel vulnerable, offering a solution, and by the time people have invested tons of their money and time, people convince themselves that all that effort can't be in vain, and that the group (or here, the self-help gurus and coaches) must be right, mo matter how absurd their ideas are.

@catw807 4 жыл бұрын

this is a wonderfully insightful video, hope it gets lots of attention

@jenntruong6023 4 жыл бұрын

I love your ideas on this topic; Hopefully many more people will gain insight from watching this video of yours!

@pola5195 4 жыл бұрын

hey, that guitar thing - I was there too. Recently I went and found a teacher, he had some helpful tips and I feel like I'm finally moving forward, there's this pressure of having to go to a lesson every week

@alexandergrand7382 4 жыл бұрын

I really love this channel!

@awakeningtovacuity8372 4 жыл бұрын

Best advice about advice; 'Take what is useful and make it yours, use the rest as toilet paper.' Bruce Lee

@AlexLopez-hj7jb 4 жыл бұрын

Very informative brother. You speak eloquently and you're very articulate & educated. Thanks for the encouragement.

@misterdemocracy3335 4 жыл бұрын

Everybody has every incentive to validate the things that made them feel good, or helped them get out of a tough time. However, we all just have to remember to never have one person or one method be the hill we die on. Yes, this means not even Noam Chomsky, even though he is pretty good on almost everything. We just can't do the same exact thing every Jordan Peterson stan does and claim we somehow know more than them while we're doing it.

@TaylorAmelia 4 жыл бұрын

Awww Tiffanyferg recommended you in her newest KZfaq video. Best get making new content for the influx for new subs!

@rushabhbhakta7181 4 жыл бұрын

On point, all of the way through.

@FesterSilently 4 жыл бұрын

It's gonna get to the point that y'all are gonna get sick of me typing the essentially same thing for every new video deconstruction: Love your insights; appreciate your research/work; I recommend (ad nauseum, ad infinitum) your content to nearly everyone I know. Keep on keepin' on, man.

@captainmoonunitsexparty2903 4 жыл бұрын

Mental health is kinda like slow cooking a dish, turn up the heat, dump too much ingredients or spices, you over do it and ruin the dish. You cook too low, it never goes anywhere. You don't check in periodically, the dish can go wildly off course. It takes time, investment, and some amount of trial and error.

@Ang.143 4 жыл бұрын

Moonunit thats the thing. Ppl just think that they can read a book or listen to a lecture and everything is changed. It takes quite a bit of effort to change your life and most aren’t ready 🤷🏽‍♀️

@eddiebaby22 5 ай бұрын

I really wish I had this video before wasting hours and hours on self-help BS. Your video’s about 35 years late, but thank you, Sir. Could be one of the best I've ever watched on YT!

@carlitobrigante330 2 жыл бұрын

Great commentary.

@margeauxmcclelland3338 4 жыл бұрын

I hear ya. I enjoy listening to various types of self help and self learning materials, but tbh some of the best advice I listened to pointed towards putting down the books and living attentively in the moment. For now I'll seek my own wisdom.

@lmac40762 4 жыл бұрын

My problem with self help gurus and the like is that they tend to spread this toxic idea that its your fault your life sucks and your just being lazy, just be like them and you can have it all! These people tend to be extroverts and neurotypical. They also tend to ignore obstacles they didn't deal with. As a non passing trans woman with chronic anxiety and depression it's pretty annoying being told my life sucks because I suck and if i take your course on investing I'm going to have a good life.

@chaotic.content 4 жыл бұрын

I think the law of attraction works but, like, in the sense that positive thinking gives you the confidence to accomplish things. idk about brain waves or whatever lol

@user-ov9vr1wc2j 4 жыл бұрын

Elliott O in my opinion it doesn’t help. Cause there are many times when before an exam or something, I’ve thought that I would fail, and I end up succeeding. And the other way round where I put into my mind that I would succeed and I ended up not. These people would probably say « that’s because you didn’t have the right mindset » or whatever, but in my opinion it’s just about doing the work necessary to get to ur goal, not so much “thinking positively” you know?

@organicgrains 3 жыл бұрын

How fitting is it that a video about how self-help is a scam turns out to be the most effective self-help speech that I've ever encountered?

@Mikalino13 4 жыл бұрын

16:46 reeeeaaally thought you were about to quote Princess Bride here, but alas lol

@wen6519 3 жыл бұрын

I have missed Sir Applesauce in the newest videos. They are behaving very well.

@mrjimmbo 4 жыл бұрын

The one headline question that can be answered with a "yes"

@THC420Dogg 3 жыл бұрын

As the late and brilliant George Carlin said, “There’s no such thing as self help. If you have a problem and you go buy a self help book, that’s help. If you resolve the problem on your own, you didn’t need help in the first place.” Or something along those lines. 😁

@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342 4 жыл бұрын

Great video. It helped me realize some shit better and remind me of important things that I sort of forgot about. Thanks! You have helped me. And it was up to me to click this video to watch it. So in a way... I helped myself. We both helped me. Yay for us!

@lavellsuccesswealthy1244 4 жыл бұрын

Dr phil made the catch outside girl famous on the self improvement myth 😂😂😂

@VeraHannaford 4 жыл бұрын

I kinda feel that was all a set up.

@Pafemanti 3 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate your point about the immorality of withholding help. Like, yeah, charge a little bit sometimes so you can eat and live. But no one should be shooting to be anything like Jeff Bezos on the premise of helping others. And that goes just as much for "job creators" and "innovators" as it does for motivational speakers and coaches. Like, really ... it _is_ immoral that billionaires exist.

@Drawoon 4 жыл бұрын

I've seen a lot of therapists, and so far they haven't helped that much.

@lastgreen5952 4 жыл бұрын

Only ever read one self book n it was ‘the subtle art of not giving a f**k’, I liked it ‘cause it made no promises at all. It was just down to Earth about life being difficult. That book, my therapist n a year of working on my own health on my own seemed to work for me. I still get sad but I am able to recover my mood quicker n not spiral down as much. But I watched a lot of other self help stuff at the start n honestly it was just noise and at point I think it pushed me further into my sadness instead of out of it

@thisaccountisdead9060 4 жыл бұрын

I prefer intense brainwashing - the darker the better. That way, when I finally come to self-awareness in another country I perhaps never dreamt of going to before - with a different name for myself - I'll know that whatever stuck with me mentally after all that time - no matter how dark the intention was of putting it in my head - probably had some thread of common sense to it. If a private detective tasked with the job of locating me eventually finds me and tells me I chewed off my missing leg... More the fun.

@dwc1964 4 жыл бұрын

We Can Remember It For You Wholesale

@strauchdieb7628 4 жыл бұрын

Get your ass to Mars!

@spacepiratecaptainrush1237 4 жыл бұрын

Read a novel called "Happyness (TM)" about a self help book that "Worked" and society started to grind to a halt. Unrealistic but it was an interesting thought experiment and just a well crafted story. If there was a "One size fits all" self help book, every other self help book would be obsolete. as for "The secret" and it's ilk, I'm a practising witch, I believe in spirits and energies etc, and I think the secret is Bullshit. it's watered down pseudo-spiritual snake oil being mass marketed to people who want the appearance of being deep and spiritual without any of the actual work. because let me tell you, tarot and other forms of divination, are less about secrets whispered from the beyond and more like getting called out on your bullshit by a deck of cards.

@LimeyLassen 4 жыл бұрын

The Secret is just a way for rich and famous people to rationalize that all the stuff they have was earned, through quantum magic. Like luck had nothing to do with it. It's like prosperity gospel for atheists.

@UDLXXL 4 жыл бұрын

Self-Help exploiting instead of helping? That's a capitalism ;-D

@slavmetal 4 жыл бұрын

This isn't the most important part of the conversation or anything, but what gets me about these books is that for a lot of people it seems to be their primary reading material. Like I've met people who only read self-help books and nothing else. Isn't that completely mind-numbing??

@ceecollette6708 4 жыл бұрын

I do believe in *some* new-agey/personal dev stuff and have considered a career in it, but you echoed my exact thoughts: I don't see how one could withhold help/information because people won't pay them for it. I'm looking at every avenue to minimize and live simply so that I can free up more time/energy serve others. I don't want that work to be motivated by my need to pay my own bills...yet most "gurus" are overcharging to fund their excess and gaslighting critics for not having an "abundance mindset."

@salmanisrar3772 4 жыл бұрын

Thank-you, this was great. I myself have become more selective when it comes to consuming self-help content. Being a scientist myself I have grown to find content which has empirical evidence to support and building systems, habits and behaviors that empower me. I found Mark Manson's and James Clear's essays to be really reliable and high quality. Also, I prefer to read actual psychology books to better help myself rather than pure self help e.g. I found Carl Jung's work to be of great value. I'm just reading Jung and a book on cognitive behavioral therapy by Dr. David Burns. Plus everyone is coming from different places, have different strengths, access to resources and opportunities and exposure. I realized I'm not going to be like Steve Jobs but I'll be me. Certainly I can build my own path by cultivating skills in areas of my interest (which Steve would have done), and follow my curiosity (note I use the word curiosity and not passion)

@chamalotte8100 4 жыл бұрын

Not gonna lie 3:33 made me have an anxiety attack haha xD Anyway nice video ^^ (even if I didn't see everything yet)

@ZL1LoVeR 3 жыл бұрын

Guitar instructor/jam buddies go a long way

@herbcoleman5156 4 жыл бұрын

The difficult and nuanced part is that in the information age, knowledge is power and to some degree currency. I think it's fantastic that 1000's of people share valuable information for free on KZfaq. I learned how to change the ballast and rewire a ceiling fan from watching KZfaq videos. They could have easily and fairly charged for this information. I'm not sure that I would have paid for it but that doesn't make the information less valuable. The hard part is being able to distinguish valuable information from fluff.

@asphaltpilgrim 3 жыл бұрын

I also recommend Carol Dweck's 'Mindset' and Josh Waitzkin's 'The Art of Learning' for books that might change some of your personal perspectives without offering miracle cures.

@wingedtrish 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this video, T1J. I too, got sucked into the "self help" world for about a year. I started to become skeptical when I learned about the law of attraction, and thank god for that. There's some wild and ignorant beliefs out there about the law of attraction. People peddling that line of shit, and profiting on it, are on the same level as those TV preachers with private jets, in my opinion.

@renardleblanc5556 4 жыл бұрын

Re; paying for advice... I see a psychologist about my video-game compulsion, and his advice has been life changing (he charges like $100 an hour, worth every penny).

@jeremypratt1185 3 жыл бұрын

Uhh. Sir! Totally off topic (just recently found you, love your speech cadence), but could you tell me what that island looking thing is in the middle of the Atlantic on your map?

@osamabindiesel3389 4 жыл бұрын

I met a girl on a dating app that wanted to be a life coach, so when I’d talk to her about personal problems/insecurities, she’d divulge into talking about herself and “this one time this happened to me” and it totally put me off from her. I’m already a skeptic about this kinda stuff but damn that was kinda unpleasant.

@TheEmmaHouli 4 жыл бұрын

The thing I find about self help is that it is all basiclly the same advice, but repackaged, and it is up to you to shift through them and find the train of thought that clicks with you

@katuni08 4 жыл бұрын

I’m a fan of the line between professionals and self help gurus. My therapist personally recommended what might be considered a self help book, and it was life-changing for me. Suddenly I had terms for my psychological issues, and could re-read the chapters that pertained to my struggles at the moment. As for more subjective issues like finances, I don’t see any problems with *reliable* self help books. Dave Ramsey is legendary for his advice, which you can read for like $20 brand-new, or listen to online for free. His methods work because they’re so simple: spend less than you make, have an emergency fund, pay off your debt. He cuts the steps into bite-sized pieces, acknowledging that it’ll take a while. I like what you said about hiding behind a pay wall. I’m sure the “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” guy is very smart, but his paywalls give me bad vibes. I once attended a “free online seminar” that was basically an ad for his classes. The classes were thousands of dollars to take, and tried to trick you into thinking they were live and personalized.

@JadeDRail 4 жыл бұрын

I mean, you probably can lose 80 pounds in a month but you definitely shouldn't.

@danman1950 4 жыл бұрын

I used to be a big fan of these books called "The Art of Not Giving a Fuck" Mark Mason. I will say his advice on just not getting frustrated with what you can't control, changing your thought pattern (the feedback loop from hell), and find what makes you passionate is actually not that bad. But now I realized it made me have a very individualist world view that all problems were the fault of the individual and that women are just a means to an end toward marriage. I have a feeling a lot of the "expletive self-help" genre is similar to that. Good thing i'm taking psychology courses at uni to escape that head space.

@mmps18 4 жыл бұрын

I love me a good self-help book AND I appreciate your nuanced critique of the industry. :) Just subscribed to your channel!

@abdul2009 4 жыл бұрын

what's helped me separate the useful from the useless self help stuff is whether or not the self help author/teacher uses vague words where specificity is more important. I think it's essential to define vague words and be specific in the most important conversations. People can read into vague words and so the self help guru's can satisfy many people at the same time. Of a group of people who learn about "the law of attraction", each person in the group may probably come up with their own way of interpreting the word "law"; one person uses it synonymously with the word "principle", another interprets it to mean that it is the spiritual equivalent to one of physics' laws of thermodynamics - whatever "spiritual" means. So loads of people read into it, putting in their own meaning and so liking whatever it is they think they are learning.

@dinospumoni5611 4 жыл бұрын

The answer is: some of it is, some of it isn't (see e.g. the clinically effective book _Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy_ ).

@corhydron111 4 жыл бұрын

I'd definitely like some links to studies on that book and its effectiveness

@KellyJoule 4 жыл бұрын

Okay I know this is random, but is the background music at the start a piano rendition of Ke$ha's Die Young?

@ravenr.2086 4 жыл бұрын

I love your videos :)

@christianmiddletonfreeman7411 3 жыл бұрын

Hey so recently I have turned to self help due to quarantine and I have mostly been using information provided by the university of Berkeley and I just want to make sure based off other people’s experiences and if others have knowledge of how reputable it is that I don’t have. is the university of Berkeley a good place for mental help?

@guest_informant 4 жыл бұрын

Just found this channel via Watch Nebula. Watching it on youtube though bc playlists. This one helped ;-)

@EM-oe2lz 3 жыл бұрын

"and didn't magically cure your anxiety and depression" i feel so dumb lmfao that's the off-color feeling i've been having ever since getting into self help again

@Makeni-san 4 жыл бұрын

Personally I think that changes in mindset can happen overnight. The thing is you can’t dictate when it happens. When it hits you it hits you unexpectedly, even in the middle of the night

@PrincessKLS 4 жыл бұрын

I find that most of this self-help advice only helps the most privileged of people who ironically don't need one of those self-help seminars, etc. Most of the advice given only is feasible for the middle and upper classes.

@danbrown9502 4 жыл бұрын

James Clear is an interesting person on this topic, because he references the science of behavioural change, listing a series of tips and tricks rather than relying on hype. He tends to speak about the value of making small, incremental changes. Much better than a preaching egomaniac in my opinion. Although I still listened to a lot of them back in the day and learned a thing or two of value

@luanabrans 4 жыл бұрын

The only "self help" I have ever done is getting clean and sober. Not with an anonymous program, but with a science based program. It worked. Well, since July 2, 2016. But it took time and commitment, changing my whole life pretty much. Finding new friends, new hobbies, healthy ways to deal with life. I'm still learning though. The main thing is to not do drugs. After that, the rest is going to work - if you do your work.

@ValiumSadfemmeMcGirlBoss 4 жыл бұрын

You described how our capitalist system has fallbacks for independent and small creators to get paid for their work, but you should consider that because mostly only profitable media or products are made, or will reach many people, that everyone's perceptions of what is good or normal are disproportionately affected by these media and products. Most believe as they see on the news, or in the normalized sentiments in their favorite show, or at least don't question things when their favorite media doesn't challenge anything, all these media portray the liberal capitalist world and all it's injustices as inevitable and fine. Most people who grow up under capitalism perceive the world in terms of products aesthetics, and don't really think all that much about the process of exploitation that is fundamental to the existence of these products. If we hope for a better future, it will be hard to spread those ideas to people who grew up on a lifetime of funded capitalist propaganda. The continuation of private media is a force against progressive reform, and so Patreon isn't enough, people are still being brainwashed away from reform by the structure of our economy which acts as a filter keeping all genuine critique and poor voices out of the public.

@CommentingOnThis 4 жыл бұрын

Just like with anything, it can be capitalized on.

@kaylaures720 4 жыл бұрын

I worked in a sales position for about a week, and every week they had all sorts of types of goals for people to complete. You’d set your own goals in each category, and there were several. It was a good sentiment, but one of the categories was like “goals to help you grow as a person in your career” and the example given was someone reading a couple chapters of their self-help book. So they’re going thru multiple self-help books/ted talks/whatever a year. The whole place had a cult-like aura to it, and I felt like consuming so much of this status-quo-reinforcing drivel was only further brainwashing them to believe that a gig that paid only commission and netted the average salesman $700 a week (for 60 hrs of work, roughly min wage with no overtime where I’m from) was their best option, and they could eventually make $300k a year like their CEO too! What a topic to tackle, I hate the culture surrounding self-help.

@ataraxia7439 4 жыл бұрын

Do you have other book recommendations?

@EyeLean5280 4 жыл бұрын

Musical score is perfect!

@pauljames1807 3 жыл бұрын

There was a Tony Robbins ad before this video lol

@RavenWalks27 4 жыл бұрын

Ngl, I thought your intro was leading up to a betterhelp ad

@etqz680 4 жыл бұрын

I'm a bit suspicious of so called self-help in general but I read one book that I enjoyed called When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron. She's talks about life from the perspective she's gained as a lifelong buddhist.

@camelopardalis84 4 жыл бұрын

Hi T1J, what is the best way to submit a question to you if it is fairly long (too long for a voicemail - if those are even still possible - or a tweet or a youtube comment) and if have neither a facebook nor a tumbler nor a curiouscat account and am not willing to get such an account for the occasion? The question relates to two to three topics you've fairly often covered, which is why I would be particularly interested in an answer from you specifically.

@T1J 4 жыл бұрын

My email address is hello@the1janitor.com

@camelopardalis84 4 жыл бұрын

@@T1J Thank you! (And to hell with youtube who apparently doesn't even always notify me when I get a reply from *the uploader of the video I'm commenting on* !)

@tinnagigja3723 4 жыл бұрын

"Never buy a second-hand self-help book" might be decent advice. Unless the book specifically advocates actions that would result in the book being given away, I guess.

@KarolaTea 4 жыл бұрын

Could also mean that the book worked, the person no longer needs it cause they internalised the lesson, and now want to pass it on to others.