If people don't respect your boundaries, they don't respect you. If they don't respect you, they don't deserve your time and energy.

I always thought that if I walked out of a room when someone was yelling at me or criticizing me, they'd accuse me of running away. But now I understand that it doesn't matter how it looks to them.

I wish I had known about boundaries when I was young. I was people pleaser who didn't know who I was. Xx

As a therapist I think I will just have my clients watch this video when they have boundary issues. This is amazing.

At 51 years old, I'm going to put words to boundaries that I thought were just understood. And I'm going to do what's best for me if they are ignored.

I had a girlfriend who used to lie to me. I told her I dont want to be with someone who lies to me. She said I was making too big of a deal about it. I said goodbye. Lol. Thanks. This was really good.

It's one thing KNOWING how to set boundaries.... it's another thing completely BEING ABLE TO speak up and set those boundaries.... that's what i struggle with. I know what I should say and how i should say it.... but I'm not able to bring myself to actually say what needs to be said... so instead...i stay silent and try to tolerate the behaviour as best i can....i wish i could actually speak up without fear

I don’t struggle with setting boundaries, I struggle with setting them kindly

I've had family members not only come into the house unannounced but they bang and kick doors when we didn't answer the door. Boundaries are so important.

Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you. Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything. Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.

A boundary, in essence, is a checkpoint or a wall that does not let things in. And if you're smart about it, you build that wall just the right way so you keep the bad stuff out while still allowing the good stuff to come in.

This video resonated with me. I realized that the reason why i struggle to set boundaries is because i feel im not deserving and that i should say yes to people and be a "good person" my first step im going to take is to write down my boundaries and why they are important to me. I will also use the resource on multiple ways to say no.

I've never had boundaries before, and this weekend I realised something I just wanted to share here. I was starting to feel anxious at one point, and when I looked at it, or just felt it, I realised that it was my energy levels getting lower, getting closer to my own boundaries, and because I never even had boundaries before anxiety kicks in because my body doesn't trust that it's gonna be taken care of. And only then did I realise that I was in need of some time to recharge. I really want to let myself know that I am here now, that I will take care of myself and listen when I'm tired. (instead of getting angry or frustrated that I 'shouldn't feel tired so easily' or 'other people can handle more') That moment made me realise that it's more than just taking rest, it's rebuilding trust with myself and working through that old anxiety.

I only have to say one thing Julia. I am not the same person since I started following you and my life has changed and improved for the best! Thank you

My therapist suggested I listen to this. It is not that I do not already know these things. It is almost like I need confirmation that what I think I know is OK. And - yes - it is like getting "permission" to proceed. Thank you. This is me moving forward :).

omg that first part where she said “setting boudries is not about controlling people.” and even though i know this fact, i finally feel like i undestood it and it clicked. it is not selfish of me to ask you if it involves me. it is not about you or changing you at all. 😭😭👍🙏

This is such a tough one, and it takes persistence and practice. Try setting reminders to yourself on the phone, through sticky notes, to stick to your intentions. Start the day with affirming that you deserve to be fair to yourself. Take notes and reflect when you gave in to the demands of others. Really take time to plan the approach and the practice. Good luck to us all!

Setting boundaries keeps peace and your mental health at bay. It's good for us to maintain boundaries with others!

In 12 step therapy, I learned all about healthy self Esteem, boundaries & how to say NO and yet, fear & early conditioning has caused me to shrink right back into many of my unhealthy old patterns, so thank you for posting this video. ❤

Boundaries are important especially with family. Our mental health and energy should not be depleted for others. I find that saying let's not talk about this is helpful, when conversations becomes uncomfortable. If that doesn't work I just leave. Mental health is more important than most people understand. Thank you for the tips on setting boundaries.

i swear you read my mind whenever i'm going through something. it's like the perfect video pops up right on time! 😂 thank you for this!

My minister has an evening candlelit meditation service once a month. I am highly sensitive to perfumes candles. I really want to be part of it because I love listening to the live organ music during the meditation. As the church is filled with burning candles for atmosphere, I offered to supply battery operated candles so I could participate . No more than 5 people come and I know they wouldn’t mind. As the minister sets the tone, she will not accommodate me and even insinuates that I am faking my sensitivities. Therefore, I am happy to meditate to my own music and battery operated candles in the comfort of my own home. “I get to make my own rules on my road to happiness!”

Love your term for your fans "shifters" like energy shifters from stressed and crazed in frustration with yourself or lack of success to clear, calm, peaceful observance of key principles that can get us there. Shifter sounds so subtle yet powerful and effective. Grateful.

Thank you for this talk. I've been married for 44 years and always had a hard time keeping my own boundaries. When I would get home from work I found that everything was planned for me to do with the kids and I simply just went along whether I wanted to or not. I felt that it wasn't considered that maybe I didn't want to do all the family obligations. So now, as I retire, I'm working hard to find what it is that I really want to do with my own time. And wow am I getting push back in many ways when I try to establish a boundary. I'm persevering, though. It's tough when you've always been a nice guy and then seek some independence only to have a passive aggressive, whining, manipulative schmooze hit your little fence. Well, anyway, thank you for your encouragement from this talk.

Found channel to help stop overthinking and be happier, and grateful :)

I really wish I had known about this a few years back. I struggled with this in high school with peers and with family members. It was hard to keep boundaries and I folded often cause people guilted me into doing so. Man this was helpful! Schools should be teaching this stuff!

Thanks Julia, it is important to be reminded of the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries. Boundaries can evoke blaming shaming guilting and anger from those who lack respect for you. That's on them to manage. Nobody has the right to disrespect you because of your life choices

The example with the mouse pushing for reward is fantastic. I think I should start to see some people exactly like that, because they are like that.

I wish I would have known about this sooner. I do believe I would have lived a different life. But we are here now.

Needed this today. I have been thinking about how to talk to my family about laying down some ground rules, and it's been weighing heavily on me the last few days. Thank you.

Turning up uninvited was NEVER an issue in my family circle so this sounded ailien to me until my grandson asked me politely not to just turn up unless i message him first. Im getting used to it because this is new to me!

This conversation is simple to understand but is also simplistic. People can use the boundaries concept as a passive aggressive weapon to prevent resolution of difficult relationship issues. Boundaries are easy to set when you care so little for the other that you can simply walk away. But, in a real relationship, many boundaries are not set but are negotiated.

Setting boundaries is so important to living our lives fully and authentically. It is so easy to constantly negotiate our boundaries and have them tested whether or not we realize it. Thank you for sharing!

I’m so glad especially that last part, because whenever I’ve tried setting a boundary, I invariably get the pushback. Guilt trips, telling me I’m being unreasonable, attacking my character, etc. So thank you for addressing potential pushback. Some people are reasonable about it because they needed to be corrected, or maybe others were okay with the misbehavior or really were not, but never said anything, and so they may apologize and say they won’t do it again. They might not have realized they overstepped. Most, however will pushback because they are the types who don’t respect other’s boundaries in the first place and that’s why you have to go through the trouble of setting them in the first place. Others out there have the common decency to be respectful enough in general so it’s unnecessary to have to have these awkward conversations with them and things usually go smoothly with them. Sometimes it’s strangers asking impertinent questions or other rude behavior, but often times, boundaries have to be set with relatives and friends and significant others.

That's the best 28 minutes and a bit that I've spent in a long time. Thanks!

I never heard of boundaries before. This is very important for me! Thanks!!

With the Shifts that are happening right now, boundaries are important for me. Thank you Julia

This was very helpful for me. I’m a bit quiet and somehow feel that I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness, or that I’m not as important as they think they are. Looking at boundaries as a respectful way of treating others and being treated respectfully shed a new light on my understanding.

I didnt know what boundaries were until 56. Now i see things so differently. Im learning to speak up. I am more agressive with my approach because some people do not listen especially some fsmily members....but i am getting through it!!😊

Julia this is the best explanation of boundaries and the consequences of what happens if you don't set healthy boundaries and sicking to them, I've always had problems with that, this is so helpful your video is perfectly in time with just what I needed to hear, thanks so much Julia.👍

Hey Julia, I greatly appreciate your video on this. My Therapist often talks about needing to set boundaries in my life as I am very much a people pleaser. However, I’m not much of a self starter , and have found it difficult to know where to even begin, much less know what I think a boundary is. Your video was precise, compassionate, and very clear. So, I’m now on to the first step of knowing what my boundaries are , so that I can set them in a clear way. I have subscribed, so I will be seeing ya. Thank you.

Thank you again, julia kristina. Boundaries give me a sense of self, self respect, freedom of choice, peace of mind and dignity. I am grateful for all the things the english language has given me. This is a concept that does not exist in my native language/culture. I didnt watch this channel for the last month. It is strange. Julia kristina's face looks different, especially the nose.i practice sensory augmentation. It is strange. Something is wrong with my face recognition queue.

Hi, I'm Jalen. And I'm a recovering non boundary setter. Not having boundaries has caused much strife in my life. I'm currently struggling in this area including setting boundaries with myself. I hadn't even considered them until about ten years ago when I finally heard it when someone spoke the idea to me. There had been times people had mentioned them before but I completely ignored this concept. Now I'm 48 and done letting this problem run my life. Thank you for this video, I'm sure it will help me tremendously.

Wow! Thai is Really good ! I’m gonna show it to my 14 ur old daughter to help her navigate life . I’m realizing from watching this I was not allowed to have boundaries as a child and I wanna learn it now !

Hi! I'm new here. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk about this. I have had so many questions about "boundaries ." I am learning everyday how to interact with family and friends, & anyone I meet.

Extremely helpful video. I've been "caving in" on a summer volunteer job, giving the supervisor more days a week than I'd like, thinking I'm "being flexible" and unselfish. But it isn't being flexible after all, it is being inconsistent and I'm starting to feel like a chump. Don't go anywhere Kristina--we need your videos! :)

We are wortthy of our boundaries because those are actually what makes our identity! What we are, our uniqueness! Thank you!

Thanks for this. Setting boundaries is something I've really struggled with throughout my life and that has shaped my identity. This helps to put things in perspective.

I heard about boundaries, and I am 65 yr old. I have never had then. I have adhd and that in itself is short of boundaries. I need these because I have hurt feelings so much... ty I will listen til I understand boundaries.

That difficult conversation person had to be removed from my life because they could care less about whether I want to talk about whatever topic or not. They would ignore verbal and non verbal cues. I finally told them “ I don’t like how I feel around you, so I don’t want to be around you anymore”

Permission to believe it is okay to deserve boundaries! That stopped me in my tracks. Never entered my mind! Wow! Much work to work on this deep belief.

Thank you so much for your work! I’m learning more from your videos than I ever have thru any other source I’ve tried. I’m 54 years old and have been a people pleaser all of my life. I’ve allowed my actions to nearly break me down but I’m determined to make the changes I need to in order to have a more balanced life! Better late than never!!!!

Last part of this video was ESPECIALLY useful. That's my weakness: I'll set the boundary, but then crumble when people continue regardless. And when they continue regardless it makes me so sad and scared, because it feels like I have no control over my own situation and whether or not I'll keep being hurt the same way. But that last bit has inspired me to fight for myself more and stay strong. Reassuring to know this is a common problem too!! Thanks Julia!

Thank you for this! I realized I had people in my past who didn’t like when I set boundaries

Julia your video has been a blessing to me. Thank you. Most of what you mention I ‘m leaving it. I’m taking notes because I never done boundaries with my daughters. I have 2 married daughters who live with me with their families. I didn’t set up boundaries and now they refuse to leave and find a place of their own. They been with me over 7 years. I been telling them to leave but they just ignore me. I don’t know what to do. I’m raising rent considerably this coming year. I don’t charge them the rate they charge in Southern Ca. but I will. One of my son- in- laws told me. “ you can raise all the rent you want. It doesn’t mean I will pay it. 🙏🙏🙏

Hello from Canada. I am a medium and public figure for other things in media...Empaths have to learn how to set BOUNDRIES alot! Learning how to do this everyday, Was guided to your show. I give angel messages to folks for 7 years now...I am stepping out of my oomfort zone right now in a big way so THANK YOU for the reminder today....Namaste

In my search for dealing with narcissist people, I landed on 11 stoic ways of dealing with toxic people and then I got to 12 ways to put the narcissist in their place. There was great emphasis on emotional triggers and setting boundaries on both videos. Fortunately, I landed on your video on boundaries which has opened by squinting eyes and mind. Great content, Julia, I am grateful.

I wish I had found this video sooner because this is actually the issue i had after setting healthy boundaries for myself and my household. You helped to better understand the mistakes being made even after being aware of what boundaries need to be set or after the boundary has been set and in place.Thank you for discussing!

Just joined the shift society! Every vid I've watched so far has resonated in some way very deeply with me, and I look forward to more!

Thank you for this. I have been taking decisions in favor of other people's wishes just because I'd rather be resented than feeling guilty. Tonight I was about to say yes to an unhealthy situation just because of that. Putting on this video tonight may have saved me from a lot of pain. Thank you so much.

You are so right! It goes both ways. Others have their boundaries, which is their right. As one (or I) have mine.

❤Thank you so much for the ACTUAL real life scenario examples of "what and how" to say... that we can paraphrase.❤ I found that so much easier to learn from 😊, than the standard lists of "things one could think of saying"... 😵‍💫

Julia, it's like you know me. I have trouble setting boundaries as an adult because I was never taught how to set healthy boundaries. I was basically raised with the mindset of "do as I say, not as I do." So, I was basically set up for failure from the start.

Thank you! I learned I been setting boundary but it’s not very strong but overtime I will have. I just need stick with my boundary when friends push back.✝️God bless you beautiful lady❤️🥰😍

WOW! This is GOLD for me. So glad the Lord lead me to you! Thank you ❤️

This is a cutting-edge channel. I am glad that I have stumbled upon it. My wife comes from a culture where people (and particularly in-laws) do cross boundaries pretty often and resent being told that they shouldn't and, often, Western husbands end up becoming doormats because they fear losing their relationship. It's hard to strike a balance between showing acceptance, acknowledgment and appreciation and being strict about setting and keeping strong and firm boundaries in this kind of relationship, and all the more so, because most of the time those people cross boundaries out of ignorance and because of how the environment they grew up in shaped them. So, for me, showing understanding, trying to see reality from their point of view, and being strict about setting firm boundaries is a rather tall order to fill and a delicate balance to strike. Greetings from Italy

I just finished listening to your video and i got to say thank you so much! I just got the courage to say out loud to an office friend that i have a routine and i like to eat lunch alone. If it wasnt for your video i would have sucked it up and let her take my break time. I feel so much better now that i dont have to feel uncomfortable just because i want to please someone else. I have the right to have my time and my space alone. I cant wait to talk to my M.I.L. about setting a boundary of not coming over without texting or calling first. Fingers cross that it goes well!

I loved this video! I found it to be very easy to follow and appreciated the examples. I have trouble making boundaries. I have had family members who were so domineering and making inappropriate comments that hurt my feelings. One of there excuses was, " Oh, didn't mean anything by it". I don't care, it still hurt my feelings. After they still continued to be controlling,judgemental, and making snide comments I decided that I don't have to continue putting myself in that position anymore. I decided to not see them anymore and I don't regret it. After over twenty years of all kinds of abuse by another family member I decided I don't have to take any abuse or be the butt of anyone's jokes. I am an RN and feel this video can help me set boundaries with my patients as well. Thanks so much for this video! ❤ ; )

I find it's important to have people to practice Healthy boundaries. I really miss up trying to use them without someone to practice with first. It ended up causing a lot of damage.

I have to reassess boundaries entirely. I set the boundaries but if people don’t respect me I cut them off, I have no time for people that can’t offer basic respect

You are on fire today! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. It confirmed I am on the right trace. I’m so grateful I found you.

Hello, I'm Crystal and I am learning a lot about childhood trauma, bpd and issues with setting bound.

I love your explanation about the hose. Gives me more clarity on what boundaries really are. 💜

Thank you Kristina I wasn't understanding how to set boundaries...because of your video I know understand

The intermittent reinforcement part is like WOW. I am gonna keep that in mind. It's going to be hard but it's never too late I think.

Amazing. I wish I’ve learned that earlier and I wish I could follow those tips and be more assertive. Last time I clearly stated that I don’t want to talk politics to a friend who constantly picks up provocative topics to argue they said : no, it’s important to talk about those things! People need to talk about those things! And I responded: you won’t change my mind but the relationship will stuffer. She replied, «but I’m not trying to change your mind. But here is where you’re wrong…» lol.

I usually was able to affirm/set a boundary or express myself but wouldn’t oftentimes discuss the repercussions because I would allow them to sink in the boundary first & then know what I would take action upon thereto of i.e. nonverbally (and then would voice its repercussion - verbally). ✅ I likely could start making them be more clearer. Definitely. ❤️ To start with. Thank you! Am still watching, :) “Boundary is - It’s about saying if you do this then I will do this.” ✅ Establishing & keeping your boundaries (extremely vital: I always get guilt creeping up on me) - 1) Get very clear on your boundaries. *Spend time forming the boundary & Like your boundary & Believe you’re worthy of having this space with your own rules even if other people do not agree with them, or follow them or even test/pushback on your boundary/your limits. Getting Clear on your reasons & believe you’re deserving to say no.* 2) Implement the boundary by either Saying the boundary (if you do this or continue to do this then I will do this). OR doing it non-verbally. *Yikes: I know someone like this👎* Can change the subject, not engage, limp to vague engagement. Short & surface responses. Continuing to and/or being direct in your actions(I believe this is more Preferable because realistically we are not mind readers - So always speak directly I believe). 3) More Difficult BUT Stating your Boundary & Sticking to Your Boundary. *Caving in or settling happens (I struggle with this !) … Cause they learn to do pushback & your boundaries don’t then become believable. *They’ll stop pushing when you’re resistant. Consistency is Vital. You’ve Already Done The Work so Stick To It.* - Respect your own boundaries & like the reasons for your boundaries. [These are nearly all sampled from the video above!!]

Loved the *backyard* analogy! So helpful!👍

Omg this video came at the right time. I have been told that I need to be more firm with setting boundaries with others especially those close to me but for some reason I felt that it is hard especially when it comes across as disrespect to other but I’m starting to listen to how I think and feel and value and putting myself first. I will download your list. Thanks for sharing this ❤️

Hey Im Monique dx with BPD a while ago... found you today after my therapist gave me a boundaries assignment and I just felt so confused about how to do this. Thank you for this video❤

The consistency with boundaries. That hit home hard.

I unfortunately was raised by someone who was an addict. My mom did everything to please that individual in which I was taught to as well. It was always well if you love them. It is not them its a disease. I feel for a man who mentally continued this cycle. Unfortunately it lead to a demostic violence charges on my x.I am now in the situation were he took my kids with no visitation rights. All because I never learned how to set boundaries. I learned id I please this person my needs will be met.

Great indepth video on boundaries, just at the right time. Thanks :)

Wow, it's the first time I hear about worthiness around boundaries, big shift for me thank you! Working towards setting and honoring... and keeping my boundaries! Because most of the time I realize I bend in order to please the other... And most of the time the other has no idea what is going on for me!! Going back to boundarerie gym :)

What about when you have had so many people treat you with abuse, betrayal and breaching of your boundaries and you begin to numb out and develop cognitive dissonance. Eventually you don't even know what your boundaries are anymore. I know someone this happened to. They don't even know their own boundaries any more and just let people do what they want since they are so numb to it.

Boundaries is placed so that we can love others and being able to have a healthy relationship and continue in that healthy relationship. When people set Boundaries on me is because they love me and they want to keep a loving relationship with me. So Boundaries is loving others as you love yourself.

Thank u I loved how she got right to the point other YouTubrs keeping beating around the bush

One thing I noticed about this was that you may want to refrain from using the term "drinking the Kool-Aid." When speaking of mental health, this is probably not the most effective phrase. This is said with love, please don't think I'm being snarky, I'm truly not, but I was a bit shocked when you said that. It has a very negative connotation in reference to a very positive and vital topic. Keep informing the masses! Most Sincerely, JJ.

Extremely helpful - thank you! Having recently realised i need to set healthy boundaries, why and how i have not been setting well in the past - i have still found myself asking the question HOW do i set healthy boundaries. This video went a long way to answering that question for me. Particularly the distinction between request and the boundary.

Thank you for your video on boundaries.

Definitely needed this today. Thank you ☺️💜

Too many people also have unhealthy boundaries that don't do anything but cause more harm to themselves, and/or others. Good to be able to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. And limits are different than boundaries. Lean to love looking up the definitions of words, please people.

I'm happy to be listening to your videos again, Julia! This has been so helpful!

Your content is incredibly helpful! I have done counseling before and listening to you daily right now is valuable! THANK yOU!

The thing i wanted to know about it it's really great, imma grateful for this video the reason is i face problem by letting go of people and just do something special for them even they don't return it expecting them to change and all kinda make me very stressed and overwhelmed but when i knew about boundaries it's a great if you have your own boundaries and know about it will really help you

When other people volunteer me to do things and I don't speak up, is a boundary I still need to learn.

Hi it's Sonia again, I am in a intense trauma treatment online from a treatment center, and it's how I received your video by my counselor at the treatment center.

I definitely need work on Boundaries Thanks Julia Christina

Great information Julia. Love your message and the way you present it. Cheers!

Thank you! You explain it so god! I realy need to learn this. My life would have been so different IF I hade known!