The first 1,000 people to use my link will get a 1 month free trial of Skillshare: skl.sh/lanablakely07221

I think the most important point here is the parenting yourself part. When you learn to look at yourself from a third person view, you will be able to clearly see your flaws, or make the right decision for yourself. 🙌🏼😊

Self care means accountability. It means forcing yourself to do your laundry, setting your alarm to wake up in time for school/work, to workout after a long shift, to do the weekly shop and cook your own meals. It’s budgeting your wages, maintaining a regular study routine, knowing that you and only you knows how you spend every 24 hours. It’s messy, scary, lonely. But it’s also empowering, liberating and happiness, because it’s about doing the right thing for you and your future.

I agree. Self-care is not an aesthetic like people on social media make it out to be. It’s deeper than the superficial things.

This applies to a lot of things like self destruction too. There’s a romanticised idea of being broken and resorting to substances to quell your pain.

yes to all of this. the willingness to doing the work while being kind and gentle to yourself. less aesthetics, more listening to the wisdom of the soul

The entire 11min of this video is more effective and raw than any other self love talks ❤ beautifully pointed out all aspects, Can’t appreciate it enough.

I finally understand why I find you so glamorous. You are rationalizing your emotional feeling, your intuition. Not just intelligent, but elegant. Serious Libra energy. You care about people so much and want them to be their better selves. Thanks for helping me, Lana. I have learned so much.

I think that a big part of self care is self compassion. Being able to acknowledge your humanity and knowing that you're never going to be perfect, but that doesn't mean you're not amazing. Sometimes it's about finding out how you are amazing, and also finding out how you're not. Knowing your likes and dislikes. Knowing your needs. Being able to listen to yourself. Your emotions. Your internal state. Having a good relationship with yourself. Being in a position where you understand your tendencies, and being able to react from a place where you understand what you're feeling, and whether or not those feelings serve you or if in following them, will lead you to suffering. Learning about yourself. You only know how to decide what to do with yourself once you really know who you are. What you are. Etc. Listen to yourself, don't avoid yourself. Don't neglect yourself. At times, that will mean tolerating yourself. When you are able to begin to have that sort of relationship with yourself, you will find that your relationships with others will also blossom. Because you have the confidence and security of your own emotional wellbeing being within your own hands. And you have the empathy and compassion to live with others.

This is such a valuable perspective. "Selfcare" shouldn't be a way to neglect responsibilities or be used as a reason to make poor choices.

I guess it depends how you define self care, some people get it twisted and use it as an excuse to always indulge in instant gratification activities. To me, self care is always trying to do what's best for you in the long term, without making the short term miserable.

Wow, this video was like a cold shower for me, Lana. Recently I've lost a loved one and I think as a means to grieve I turned into self-pity and self-neglect too much. It feels like I have decided to punish myself for the fact that this person does not have any life to live anymore... I have always been A+ student, and people admired me for my discipline, I would always make goals for myself and stick to healthy habits like proper diet, exercise, mindfulness, studying, blah blah. At this point, my life took a 180 degree turn and I've done everything just to numb the pain, calling it "self-care". But how on earth do you care for yourself by binging, skipping any form of movement, scrolling through social media and pretending it's ok to give up on your hobbies that make you happy and fulfilled because you're grieving? Even the therapy sessions I am taking feel hopeless right now because I don't believe I can "simply" be okay and a fully functioning adult after what has happened. Today you have helped me realize everything I do is contrary to what I want to achieve - being healthy and strong for the people I love, so that we can enjoy the rest of our precious lives together, and honor the memory of a person who left this earth way too early. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Lana. I hope you do not mind this emotional dump.

Having ADHD, this twisted definition of self care can be super destructive, we thrive on instant gratification and tend to avoid activities that are actually beneficial for us. So yes, it's a dangerous message to throw just like that especially for people with certain mental conditions (even more so if they're undiagnosed), but it's cool to have people like you that can see through the bs. Thank you

This is such a great perspective, for me self care is improving areas where I may be lacking. So for like skin care, instead of buying just some product, I look for something that will actually help. Also going to the gym regular, I may not always want to go, but it helps with my mental health.

I definitely see the truth in what you've said- I always find myself scrolling on social media as a form of 'self care' (so I have more energy later on) when in actual fact I'm almost always avoiding a deadline or using it to escape the stress of some decision. And since it affects my time management so much, it leads to me using feeling empty and disappointed in myself.... reigniting a not so good cycle. I've been learning what I like and how best to create a lifestyle that balances life and uni and this is a good reminder that self care is a long term thing, and that it is not synonymous with self-indulgence

I think this is my most favorite video from you so far after years of being your subscriber. Very straightforward and radical to how social media or other influencers let us think what should be self care, which can be a really harmful mindset for most people especially the younger ones. Good job, Lana.

The disposability called me out. I am so quick to cut off people especially when they don't have the same core values as mine. Watching you explain that part made me think in a whole new perspective.

Self care is so important! To me long-term goals usually trump instant gratification, but you do have to treat yourself once in awhile as long as it is once in awhile. Awesome video, Lana! Once again you put out an inspirational video. You are wise beyond your years!

As a Chinese,Your video is so gooooooooood,helps me conquer my life hardship！

Two things can be true at once: (1); You "deserve" to indulge, (2); you "deserve" to be healthy physically and mentally. When taken by themselves, these two things are adversarial-but with balance, they can help you be the best version of yourself while preserving your sanity and not feeling deprived. Yeah, you should have "me time"-but if it turns into a complex, your relationships will suffer

The self parenting has been big for me. I had to unlearn a lot. I recently moved to a cabin here in the north of Sweden from Miami and post about self improvement on KZfaq. Self love is something big for me and I am just starting especially since the winters here are a bit of a channel (this is my second one).

I like to take a dialectical approach to this kind of thing: hiding behind any idea is its antithesis, and both of those ideas give each other balance. So once I've identified an idea and the counter-idea hiding behind it, the real challenge is where in between the two is the synthesis? And that balance is often contextual or subjective. (Edit: Your last point is the best. It's so, so important. I wrote my graduate thesis on it. The intermediary concept that I think gives all of this perspective is the idea that we’re all here to serve and assist one another. Is the way we’re pursuing our individual health and growth allowing us to better contribute to the community? If those two moral imperatives-our responsibility to ourselves and our duty to society-are in balance with one another, I’ve got to assume life takes on a sort of inner-coherence that is hard to find without those reference points.)

Relatable! I find Jocko’s “discipline = freedom” way of living to be quite insightful. Though he wakes up early everyday consistently to start his day, once in a while he does bless himself with smtg nice n he will say this the “freedom” part of his motto jokingly..

Self love is so important ❤ I feel it’s human nature to chase after comfort , in its chase we tend to forget about right and wrong..so for me it’s “there’s comfort in mistakes “ 🌹 you are my inspiration and my reason for being alive like you make life so easy to understand

this video really opened my eyes. ofc i am always stressed - my time management or rather what i give my time to in certain moments definitely has rather a negative effect lol. and as you said correctly its not real self care bc it gives me even more stress afterwards.. kind of a bad copying mechanism

You’re the only person on whose channel I have notifications 💓

It is so nice to listen to your thoughts, Lana on self-care, from the mindful perspective. What I can say is that society might see putting ourselves first as a selfish act whereas social media doesn't see it as selfish. Recently, I have read a lot of information online about putting ourselves first because I want to let my curiosity understand if self-care is actually good or bad. But your point of view is better and more cohesive. Congratulations on launching your Skillshare class.

My fav KZfaqr the only one that’s not talking bs ❤

I'm glad that someone put that into words! VI and VII were what I've been thinking for quite some time and there's a fine line in such kind of things. Being Selfish, Labelling everyone into "toxic" for a minuscule mistake or a behavior without reflecting themselves or Genuinely giving yourself a break and taking care of yourself and reconsidering things. Even if you ever ignore someone because you're having a me-time, just letting them know or say sorry after that would be so much more better.

I think both, like some other person commented , seeing yourself from the outside looking in and being true to yourself is the most important thing in life. That is my belief at least.

This is so spot on. I've been thinking all of these things lately and didn't know how to articulate it, thought I was the only one thinking them. Thank you Lana ❤

I came across your website and your book recommendations on there, and omg I. Can’t. Stop. Reading. Best recommendations!!!

It's CRAZY cuz I'm literally working on a video addressing the exact same thing! Your vid just accelerated my writing process and inspired me. Been thinking for a while on the same thing and came to basically the same conclusion. Self-indulgence can be acceptable every so often as long as one isn't deluding themselves into thinking it's "self-care". True self-care is just doing what is best for your long-term well-being such that your well-being is also best for the community around you. Dk if that came out right, but yeah. Great vid!

She is so beautiful that I can't take my eye off from her ! 🥺❤️

the chapter where u talked about disposability, is so true. A lot of people on tik Tok thinks everyone is in the same situation and everyone is the same and no one can change... but then makes another video saying, "u can change ur life!" its really exhausting

Self indulgence for me is when I go out at the crack and go climbing hard. The phenomenon you described especially hits hard when I am allready done and I know that not going into another hard route might be better for my body but I still go in and climb it because the experience of rock climbing just brings me so much joy and is the highest of highs a hardcore ADHD person can experience.... It is really not that healthy some times and you gotta watch out for not getting injured but its also probably more healthy than eating a lot of sweets (which at times I am also guilty) or taking drugs, drinking, ...

Yes! Someone finally said it. I’m not perfect as I am. I’m a work in process. I don’t need your validation and if I want your advice, I’ll ask for it. As far as indulging goes, there seem to be those who can in moderation, or if you can’t it’s all or nothing. Moderators and Abstainers. Personally I know. when I can have an occasional treat without societal pressure and I’m grateful to know this about myself.

This person is beauty and brains. ^^ She is an admirable personality.

Something I learned about self-indulgence was to pay attention to how it makes you feel afterwards. I used to constantly eat out, but I wanted to cook to eat healthier and save money. After a while though, I realized how low-energy and brainless I become after eating out for a couple of days, and how much more alive and active I feel when I cook for myself. (It also goes for what kinds of food I ate as well.) Since then my self-indulgence was automatically curbed and I simply don't feel like it as much. I still do once in a while which is great, but it hasn't become an uncontrollable addiction. Honestly I think it's the same for a lot of indulgences/addictions/etc. It's tiring to constantly "fight against yourself". Instead, it's more efficient to utilize your body's urges to your advantage. It feels good to be healthy after all, it just takes a bit of attention to that feeling.

Like i have always said to my friends .."I have a parent in my head XD" ..seeing yourself form this perspective as a kid who needs a good education, a healthy body , and beautiful futur will change everything when it comes to your relationship with yourself..kids tend to live only in present and not caring about the consequences,as a good parent , it's your job to guide them and do everything to not spoil them , and be doomed in their whims ..of course kids need to play from time to time but surely not risky games .. Well doing the right thing is caring and it's the most important ACT of love towards yourself

omggg lanaaaaaaaaa road to million subscribers omggggg I am so proud and happy for you. you really deserve itt! ❤️❤️❤️

I love this Lana! So well said 👏👏🤍

your videos have helped me so much lana and im sure many other people too. literally love your work, your aura, your words and everything about you thank you so much ❤️💟

As a single child, you surely give off big sister vibes! Thankyou💗

Hey sister!!! Always glad to see you good and peaceful..

Her videos always inspire me so much to change myself to be the better version of myself.. thank you so much Lana srsly u have helped me through my hard times so much 🥺❤️

So true. Thank you for this video. Funny, because just the past few months I thought about why as children we are so much happier and everything is so special. As grown ups we have so much more freedom and we are bored and unhappy or at least life often feels … flat? And no, it is not the responsibility. As kids we had the pressure of making friend, getting good grades and other things that seemed important at that time. And every day we had to get up to go to school. Do homework. Study etc. so why were we so much more excited much more often? And i am pretty sure it has to do with the children thing you just described. We were excited to get ice cream or candy BECAUSE we had to ask for it and were not allowed to have it all the time. We were excited about having a friend over or OMG SLEEPOVERS!!! Because we were ALLOWED to do so once in a while. No we just can have all of that whenever we want to…. So it becomes normal. And some time boring. Nothing to bet excited about. Pretty sad to think about, but I think it is true….

I’m very excited and happy for you to hit 1m subs❤

Congratulations on reaching 1 million subscribers Lana!!! 🎊 I have always believed that you will get to this point and you did this. I am so happy for you! ❤️

The idea of treating yourself needs to be shifted from things like eating chocolate and watching movies to exercising, eating right and learning. Imagine if eating chocolate was perceived as a punishment

Lana the GOAT of youtube!

Oh yeah! I am truly happy you mentioned the IV point about individualism. I have never seen any video about self-care or productivity talking about our need, as human creatures, for relationships with others. That is a main point that should be noted as you did. We need a balance btw being through others and by ourselves. We shouldn't completely need others to be but we need them to be bc they are the reflect of what we are.

I know, but it's so hard to push myself to the right things for my future self. I've sunken so deep already.

I’m not going to write so much cuz you get so many comments here and If I start writing for sure there won’t be enough to write all day and all night but here it is …when I first saw you I just like liked you for your glamour and beauty but the more I got to know about you …I knew your way of being …you are precious both inside and outside ❤️…I just want to thank you . Thank you for all the love , the au you make us feel and making our lives more beautiful but above all that you are being yourself and for being close to your fans ❤️❤️for being natural and making us happy or smile even if I’m sick , or I’m in my saddest , or on the hardest days ❤️I know I’ll be one more follower but if you have only 10 followers (touch wood) that day won’t come , but I’ll be one of them for sure and I’ll support you each and every day till end of time …your videos bring a sense of calm to my life ..they give me safe vibes I can resonate with every piece of your work lana

Very well thought out & well said. Your posts are always like a breath of fresh air.

There is pretty much one thing that i can't change, it is the past when i was just an idiot. Now, as a young adult, this year was definitely helpful for me and for me, it was self-improvement and learning things that could help. Now, i feel proud of myself, little by little, i feel like i'm being closer to be what i strive to be. Also thanks to your videos, Lana. I've learned so much.

I don’t see self care as watching Netflix I see self care as going to therapy, doing skincare, journaling, reading or doing my hair 😂

noticed your british accent right at the moment you pulled it, so it's on point

i needed this so much today, thank you

Really great topic, Lana. I think, self care in itself isn’t problematic. But it’s so easily confused with mindless distraction that gets in the way of pursueing that which gives meaning to our lives. Purposefully engaging in an activity because we value self-care is good. Aimlessly giving into momentary desires not so much.

This is a lovely meditation, and hit everything that doesn't seem to ring quite true in the saccharine admonitions to see to "self care," in the form of cutting away anything that isn't comforting and soothing in the moment. There is a tiny nugget of truth in that sort of self care; sometimes the point comes (especially as an introvert) when a moment of solitude is needed before one can be any further good to the surrounding community. And on individualism and self-reliance, it is empowering and worthwhile to know the depths and limits of one's capacities, which can only be found through practice and trying things solo. But the essence that the instagrammable form misses is the balance. You've nailed it that defaulting to self-soothing is rarely actually useful to "future you," and I cringe at "validating" messages that glorify high time preference and present comfort as self-care. The ultimate self-care looks a lot more like buckling down, even when you "don't feel like it" or "don't have the energy;" clean your habitat, get what needs done on the schedule and follow through, etc. I can only imagine the mental state I'd be in if I lived on my favorite "guilty pleasure" foods and let my least favorite chores build up in the name of "self care."

i've been feeling all these things you mentioned lately... thank you so much for putting it into words

I've been checking if there's a notification on a daily basis, I'm ecstatic that u uploaded, love u lana 💜❤️.

am i in love for the way you talk? wow

Self care is actually the more loving version of self discipline 😉

Very insightful. Self awareness is important. Improves relationships. When you're tired, or stressed,you're more impulsive,for sure.

Congratulations for almost hitting 1 million subs🎉

Lmaoo the disclaimer about not having beef with facemaks😭. Also this video has been very eye opening for me as I have recently hopped on the self care trend, but this perspective on it makes me really think about how I indulge in these trends. I will be revisiting this video multiple times to remind myself. Thank you so much for your unbiased wonderful insight.

Thanks for dropping these beautiful, sparkling gems! 💎💎💎

This is a very wise view on self-care, thank you so much for this 💗

I'm so glad this was said

You're a literal angel

I think most people cannot avoid these day to day responsibilities in the name of self care. No matter whether I want to watch Netflix and avoid the important emails i need to get to, I'd always HAVE TO choose the latter or else I may lose my job. Only the highly privileged can do these indulgent activities on a frequent basis- and imo to them it probably doesn't matter if daily self-care is not doing them much help

I'd say that I don't really care about 'self-care' as it's conceived of these days as much as I do about honoring yourself, or in other words, self-respect. I think self-respect is the right way forward because it encapsulates many actions and habits that the popular concept of self-care aims at establishing(in a way), along with those that are necessarily painful. Respect or honor in relationship to the self makes it possible to treat oneself as a multifaceted being that deserves love, is capable of enduring hardship and of growing exponentially. It also necessarily raises the question: What do I truly want and value? Being incapable of acknowledging those inner forces and drives is not only tantamount to disrespect(and blind action), but will make it so that any future action be sabotaged by these. Thanks for uploading, Lana B!

This is your best video so far , the advices are so on point especially the last one that if we crave for community and love than we must not be loving ourself enough and all bullshit like this we keep seeing on Instagram and ticktock , love your mindset , I know the experiences you must have gone through to finally have a right mindset like this , because Im on the same level now as you are thinking , cheers to the growth 🙌💗💗

You really opened my eyes, I just realized how dump I was all along... thank u

Thank you for this video Lana.

You know what, Lana - kudos to you! ♡ For everything.

self improvement queen

I love to see how you've been evolving, it's amazing. Thanks for your advices 💕💕💕

best self-care content ever!!!

learning to redirect, making choices for your future self, parenting yourself and not overindulging, doing the boring but necessary stuff, yes. Self care is not about neglecting your duties, overindulging, accepting things about yourself that doesn't make you happy. Self care should be loving yourself and learning what needs to be met and actually meeting them, not just treating the symptoms of that unmet need and sometimes that isn't glamorous.

Congratulations for 1 million my favorite...🔥🔥

self love is so important in determining what is best for you in any given circumstance. I think that this needs to be considered when making decisions, especially if those decisions give rise to long term changes. Thank you Lana for another inspirational video 👍

Love the aesthetics of your videos. 😌

Hi Lana 👋, I love the way you talk about every point addressed in this video. I’m looking forward to the day you reach 1 million subscribers!!! 😆 Sending you lots of love!!! ❤❤❤🤗

Lana what’s your top 5 books that you would recommend?

1 M subscribers! Congratulations Lana!

I am a simple man, i see Lana on my notifications, and i click.

This video is so inspiring to me!! I love this video. Thank you Lana. ☺️

8:46 EXACTLYYYY

Just love and power to you wish you reach 1 million subs soon and it’s not far away love from India 🇮🇳 you are a blessing ❤to humanity

Wow! A partner is not wrong for you because they don't compliment you every day... this is so true. Let's all allow people to be themselves.

When she said "quality" in British accent I was like "did Lana say it in British accent"?

True words said Lana! Happy Sunday friend, I appreciate you lots!!!

I just waited for a lana video ❤️❤️

Seeing a wide generalisation like that never fails to put a smile on my face)))

I have exactly the same questions. This video is extremely relatable. Thank you

I've been thinking the same points about tiktok and how distorts our mind by fostering dysfunctional thoughts that don't help us achieve our goals and only create an ideal of the perfect modern person.

Luckily, i know myself pretty well to know when to put limits. I've experienced moments where buying something when i felt sad didn't actually made me happy. Stopping to think what is troubling you helps in the long run