Wow, thank you for sharing. It's exactly what I needed to hear. It's been less than a month since learning I'm (counselor diagnosed, but not officially tested yet as locally there's a long waiting list and a high cost) autistic. I have so much to learn, but I've already experienced thoughts and several of the stages that you describe. It helped me a lot to not feel alone and to accept the emotional journey this will be.

When you started saying "you did a good job", I straight up started crying... part of processing my late diagnosis for me was realizing how cruel I was being to myself for my entire life, for something I have no control over. Being able to say, "you were doing your best" is SO hard to hear, even coming from myself, but it's SO important that we can tell ourselves that, and it's the only way I feel I like we can start our healing. Thank you so much for sharing.

Thank you so much! Reeling from last week's confirmation of self-Dx (age 59). Pushed myself SO HARD my whole life. Thought I'd gone through all of the steps after self-Dx - denial, grieving, bargaining, resentment, sadness, but it keeps cycling through. Thank you for walking the rest of us us through this powerful, life-changing and difficult time.

You made me cry for the child we gave such a hard time. 💔 been through the same process. So hard to move forward once I got to that self exceptance witha formal dx and to reinvent myself at 60 after raising 5 kids to become financially able to support myself. Feel helpless, hopeless tried just about everything over the years. So hard but I have to have faith 😊

What made it worse for me was my father abandoned me and my mother when I was about 5. When I changed to a new school and was badly bullied - I had such low self esteem - that I just accepted all the bullying - I didn't fight back or stand up for myself and when everyone was telling me to repeat the words... 'Say you are shit Jason. Say you are shit. You're shit.' I would just repeat it to them 'I am shit.' and then they would laugh out loud. I started to believe it about myself. Everyone was telling me I was no good and that nobody wanted to be my friend. The whole world was always my enemy, so I have always treated everyone else as the enemy. When I think back now on how purely horrible everyone was toward me, and not one person came and stood up for me when I was very vulnerable - I still find that despicable - I was an innocent young boy that just wanted to make friends with everyone, and I didn't deserve what I got. There were much worse things which happened along the way but I won't go into those now... just know that they were very bad.

Its difficult as a child to feel like you have worth when you cannot succeed at anything while everyone around you succeeds so easily and calls you "dumb", "idiot", or "retard". I feel your emotions when describing your realization that you in fact were fighting every day and doing your best.

Thank you for including both your negative self talk and your forgiveness of self 🖤 that was so cathartic for me, I appreciate your putting this piece in your video production.

Thank you so much for your honesty, your description of this process is spot on. - I got diagnosed at age 51 after a lifetime of (unintentional) strenuous masking. Me, too, I'm authentic nowadays. Me, myself and I are getting along just fine, and in hinsight, I have come to realize that 50 years of struggle have resulted in me being much more self-reflected than most neurotypicals, and also very competent in many areas of life. Five years after diagnosis, I'm no longer feeling the anger you describe about being expected to go the extra mile, I simply don't do it any more. I respect neurotypicals inspite of the shortcomings of THEIR brains, and I expect the same in return ;-). Mirjam

I was diagnosed at 60. I was working on processing grief of the death of a family member with a psychologist. She asked if I had ever considered taking being tested. I knew about autism from my raising my autistic, and hearing impaired son. I’m not like him, so didn’t think I would be on the spectrum. I always thought my difference was because I came from an ultra religious, strict family that were perceived as weird by others. My dad was a bully too. He liked punishing his children. My reaction the diagnosis was denial, numbness, depressed. Because once again I was “ not good enough, and autism can’t be fixed.” Thank goodness for a supportive husband. I am starting to accept my autism. Thank you for this channel.

I'm 61, I have suspected that I was autistic for the past 30 yes. But last November my daughter said Dad do you not know your autistic, I was a bit surprised. I decided to get tested, I still have a 2 to 3 year wait. I've been self testing and I've been surprised as to how high I score in some of the tests. I have decided to just say I'm autistic. I am having similar thoughts to the ones you described, but I'm having issues with myself as I've been masking behaviours so much they are near normal. I still have a lot to work through, I think I may start my own channel because most of the ones I see, tend to be 30s 40s and still in touch with there thoughts.

I can't get over how many women are being diagnosed in their 40s with a staggering amount having been misdiagnosed with something else. im going through the diagnostic process, and this video is on my saved list now❤ so eloquently put❤ Thank you X

It was the other way round for me. Grew up thinking everyone else had issues 😀But same conclusion when I realized I was autistic and the vast majority were wired differently. I thought managing and getting through life given my hidden disability was rather bril so gave myself a pat on the back. No resentment tho. I understand they don't get it and they cannot relate and that's OK.

I didn't get an official diagnosis until I was Age 31. Prior to that, I always felt out of step and not able to keep up with others. At the same time, I had hobbies that really weren't common, and it was very hard to make friends. The lion's share of these challenges were overcome during adulthood. Having the diagnosis changed my outlook, and definitely for the better. Good video! 🙏

Thank you for sharing this. I was literally just diagnosed last week and I am on the rollercoaster now. I just turned 47 and I had been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and giftedness! It feels like I had been living a lie my whole life just to please others. My job, my family, and everyone else. I no longer have any friends, not because I am not liked, but I was getting tired of being manipulated or made to feel like I am different. Luckily I had already accepted myself and choose to love myself because I felt no one else did. Now I know my complete self, and my journey begins now! But now after my diagnosis I feel so alone, more alone than I ever have. I have subscribed to your channel as it sounds like we were on similar paths in life. I am a successful professional but a failure at being human, or what I was led to believe. I do not see myself as being depressed, just sad because I am so desperate to reach out to others like myself, to find a community where I am accepted and not judged. Where I am not taken advantage of by another narcissistic person. Thanks for making the channel and sharing your autistic brain. Sorry for the long comment. Thank you and take care!

I am 53M and was diagnoses earlier this year. You were expecting Bi Polar and I was expecting ASD1. I was diagnosed as High Functioning ASD2, ADHD Inattentive, GAD and that led to clinical depression. That was a huge punch to absorb. You mention hating your younger self. As I (we) looked back at my life (as all of us adults do when we are diagnosed), I found myself missing the young man that I was before I discovered that I was different than everyone else. That was a happy a happy kid that was oblivious to the fact that he was different. Also not knowing what I should have known meant that I tried things that I shouldn't. "You can't do that because of XYZ". So because I didn't know any better, I'd do them anyway and sometimes I would succeed. Other thing that I should have know and should been preparing for, like College, I just didn't because I didn't know I should be. However as I grew, I realized that I was different and that I felt like an alien. I felt like everyone else got the "how to be a human" manual and mine was lost in the mail. It was then that I thought that I just sucked at being a human. Obviously I had issues that others didn't. Clearly I must be slow because everyone else seemed to get it. I was super hard on myself to just push harder and now I am like a worn pencil as I figure this all out. I was able to push harder and I have a respectable job as a senior level engineer. I've been employed by the same big bank for 28 years. But to get here, I crushed myself. And like you, I am trying to figure out how to be the person I should be. And like you, I've turned my Autism in to one of my Special Interests. If they figured out we were different in the 70's or 80's (for me) of the 80's or 90's for you, can you imagine what they would have done to us? I am glad we slipped through the cracks to get diagnosed later in life. Although it was rough on us, we would have been institutionalized if we didn't get missed. What meds and medical procedures would they have done to us? I am glad we missed that. We have gone done very similar paths and we finally have our answers. We are all here for each other and I am always happy to talk it over with others. Reddit has been a great place for us to talk too. Big hugs and great job both with your path and your channel. Thanks!

Your experience is so much like mine going thru diagnosis. I was diagnosed this February. I was 48. It was such a relief to know. I told everyone I am a really crappy neurotypical but a freaking amazing autistic person. I also, have accomplished a tremendous amount of things in my life. I pushed myself so hard. Nowadays I give myself more grace and I’m only pushing until it’s mildly uncomfortable, not until it’s traumatic. I may achieve less, but my peace of mind will be more. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and being so well spoken regarding your experiences. Thank you for being an advocate for us ❤

Shared. And seconded 🙏

You put that together pretty well, and was informative. I really haven't seen anyone else address it and sum it up this way before. This video was really helpful. I think I'm older than you. But, recently I think I heard in a scientific type video that researchers are now finding out that around 90 % of adult Autistics over the age of 50 are still undiagnosed. That reality really needs to hit home in the Autistic and non-Autistic communities.

When you began talking about your inner child, your story and description were SPOT ON … right down to the age of 7 (which is the age I attach to most of the childhood memories I recall). Wow, man. THANK YOU for your transparency - and the validation. ✨💪🥺✨

yes I was ghosted by a few friends when I told them I was autistic, how sad. Not real fiends, clearly. Thank you for sharing all of this, truly appreciated.

Thank you! I’m self diagnosed at the moment hits expensive to be diagnosed but I am being a self advocate the best I can with what I have

❤

I cried when you cried. I'm awaiting my assessment and the weight of this is more than I can take most days. I am beyond exhausted and overwhelmed. I really, really like your content and I feel like I can connect with you. Thank you for sharing your story, it means so much 💜🩷

thanks for walking us thru this process with your story. we are all walking together. love this community

Thank you very much!

I’m at the beginning of all of this. Just diagnosed at 48 and now I’m trying to get my head around what that means for me.

Thank you for sharing!

thank you for sharing!

I have so many of these feelings!!

Profound.

Great video. I'm currently in my 40s seeking an assessment for autism waiting for at least a year to be seen by a medical professional here in the UK.

Thank you so much for your videos.

Thanks for posting another great video!

Thank you for being vulnerable & sharing your story 🫶🏻 I’m recently diagnosed just shy of my 38th birthday…feel this to the core, your story means so much 🥹☮️

Your self-awareness is stunning. 🎉 Your communication skills areca gift ftom God and you are using it so charitably. Thank you. Do u have a link for donations?

This was seriously great and so helpful for me to hear. Thank you

Thank you so much. My energy level right now is sufficient to enjoy the video content and the comments. So relatable. Grateful my efforts over time have me understanding my capacity for communicating is limited and that is not bad. I expect I'll share more another time. I'm 72. Not diagnosed. Full of half- told stories and untold stories. Your videos are being received as a treat!

👍🏿

Why are these doctors, medics and educators not trained to be aware of this disorder. Begs belief when 1+ in 100 people have autistic traits. Surely it should be part of the training. People could be spared so much suffering if it was realised earlier. My daughter went through absolute hell because NO-ONE BOTHERED TO CHECK. I did not realise until she was 18, by which time, the damage was already done, she was bullied and abused by her peers at school because she was ‘different’ and became depressed and suicidal because she didn’t know she was autistic either. Makes me so angry !😡

You seriously need to take a survey - you need to survey how many late diagnosed Autistic womens' prior earlier doctors and psychs asked to get the info about the person's childhood. None of mine did - they totally blew it off. One psych only saw me for 2 minutes and that was her entire basis for diagnosing me with OCD. I now know that by definition is medical malpractice because you can't rule out an Autism diagnosis as the proper diagnosis in 2 minutes and without taking any childhood history info. I don't think doctors and psychs before 2010 took the childhood info about people who later became diagnosed with Autism. That's because it just wasn't a thing on their radar because they didn't have knowledge about how Autism presents in women and they didn't have knowledge about the high rates of undiagnosed Autistic women then. So they just skipped over this vital childhood info without which THEY NOT ONLY COULDN'T RULE OUT ASD BUT ALSO COULDN'T MAKE ANY OTHER PROPER DIAGNOSIS. I'm just thinking if you took a survey, you would get very high numbers of late diagnosed Autistic women who would say their Autism diagnoses were missed because their earlier doctors and psychs didn't bother to take any of their childhood info and take it into account in making a diagnosis.

Wow! Thanks for making these videos theyre very helpful. How would your life be different if you got diagnosed with BPD instead? Kinda scary to consider

I think you could help a lot of people if you were an Autism Architect. What would you have in a house or a building for autistic people and all people who live there that an NT one would not?

my answer was to live with cats. they are my family. as a man there are many people in technology , IT , video games and we are almost all autistic and most people don't know, the neurotypical are the weird one.,

How many visits did it take?

oh, I see my mum as bpd but the apple didnt fall far from the tree