how to be happy and likable: step 1: Get 4 attribute points

One of the hardest life lessons I learned: "Everyone will criticize what you do, so you might as well do what you live." You can't please everyone, might as well love those that love you and do what you love.

This is a great video. I've downloaded it and watch it often to work on myself. This is one of you lesser viewed vids but its the by far most importent one. I want to thank you for it.

I'm not really subbed to this channel for these types of videos, but thank you for this. I find myself in a lot of points that you made. And now I feel immature as hell. :\

Hey, Shad I absolutely love it when you make videos every once in a while that take a departure from your general topics as it helps to give us more insight into your own person and through that more insight into our own person as well. For that I applaud you. For this video in particular I want to especially give you sincere thanks. Many of the things you mention having done in years past, which were not positive or productive, I find myself doing, and doing quite often. It saddens me to think that I come off as a massive jerk to people who don't know me and indeed quite much so to those who DO know me as well, but despite that still decide to spend time with me either in more direct activities or simply talking about random things because they choose to focus on the positive things in me and not the negative ones. I feel that I am not doing right by them by acting this way and while it should not have been as difficult as it ended up being for me to notice these very damaging aspects within myself I appreciate you taking the time to make this video. It really did help me become more aware of these things and I hope I can muster the strength and self-control necessary to stop myself when I'm being a jerk and to try and give out more compliments, as well as to just be a more pleasant and likeable me instead of the sort of hardcore "you get it or you don't" sort of aura that I radiate. TL;DR: I could talk about how I relate to everything mentioned in the video and much more, but I thank you for being the mirror which helped me see myself a bit more clearly. Keep it up and follow your dreams, whatever they may be :)

Chad, thank you very much for throwing in videos like this one. I KNOW I am way to sensitive for negativity from other people, directed toward me or others. And I take WAY to many things too personal. So thank you for talking about your experiences and what you learned while growing up. Although I am older than you are, for sure, I learned from your maturity in this. Thank you. I WILL implement the things you pointed out that helped you, and grow up too. No, mature. Never grow up... ;)

Great points there. Especially admitting to be wrong (as soon as you recognize it) is almost a superpower. You just need to think of it not as "losing the debate" but "taking the other guy's weapons". Every time someone proves you wrong, you become stronger, better and smarter. If you never find out to be wrong, you're not learning. And I recognize many of the points from Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" - there is just no reason not to read that book if you haven't yet. You'll get the time reading it back just from all the pointless conflicts you'll avoid over the next months because of it.

Also Hemmingway: "True nobility is being superior to your former self, not your fellow man."

I've always seen self esteem as a full bucket with a hole in the bottom. Some people solve the issue by constantly refilling the bucket so it remains full and some people just plug the hole.

If you havent read it, Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends And Influence People” it has been the benchmark for this sort of thing for nearly a century for a damn good reason. And to your first point, he says over and over in variations "make the other person feel like the most interesting person in the world" by engaging with them on what THEY like. And "every man I meet is my better in some way” -> thus you can always learn something new from everyone you meet. You get to improve yourself, while making them feel special and happy. Win-win. EXCELLENT advice, superb book, highly recommended. And thank you for posting something like this: it is a nice gesture and good-hearted. :)

Shad: "it shows that you know your place in the world, and people humility" Commercial in the middle of the video: "DO YOU KNOW YOUR DESTINY?!?! I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO FIND YOUR DESTINY!" lol

I'll add a random piece of life advice: When you're discussing something with someone who strongly disagrees with you, note that even assuming that their position and arguments are overall idiotic, it's extremely unlikely that *none* of their points make any sense. The advice: Clearly acknowledge every valid point they make. I find that people rarely do that: Valid points from the other side are very commonly ignored, and not just in that no counterarguments are offered: The "opponent" doesn't even acknowledge the point at all and acts as though it had never been made. You've probably all had experience of people doing this to you, and it's really frustrating. Ok, another one on the same topic: When having a heated debate, you may want to *repeatedly* ask yourself "How important is it that either of us change their mind on this topic? What important things depend on it?" Keep in mind that it's just one person you're talking to, and convincing just one person of something very rarely effects much change anyway. In the vast majority of cases, I think, the honest answer is "It's really not very important". In contrast, how much both of you enjoy the conversation *is* important, so if you're failing to achieve *that* goal, you're probably not doing well. One thing I like to do in situations where a debate is getting quite heated is to directly ask the other person whether they're still enjoying the conversation, and then make it clear that I think that's the most important thing in this situation. Sorry for the long comment. Really nice vid, Shad, you're a super nice guy and I love that.

A key issue I often come across is perspective issues. I've had people complain to me about criticism and peers attempting to advise, and how they perceive these people as trolls, haters, and naysayers - in essence telling them to quit. When in from a healthier perspective, the same piece of advice is tremendously beneficial and insightful. Context here is I came across a young writer who shared a piece of advice she got from a pro editor, which was "you need to live life, stop imagining it." which she took to mean, she was too young to be writing and she should quit. I had to take a moment to explain to her that first, the editor bothered with editing the whole manuscript for free - this says she has potential and she has a tremendous head start. She's obviously good enough to merit the support of a pro editor. Second, what he said was get more life experience, integrate more of your experiences into your work. That could mean that the writing reads a little naive, which is jarring to older readers and has the side effect of reducing the credibility of the author or worse the character whose world view we're meant to empathize with. As you can imagine that didn't go over well. What she wanted was someone to side with her. I knew it at the time too. But i was a combination of so proud of her, happy for her, that I didn't want to see her squander such a wonderful opportunity. Perspective is important to avoid feeling offended.

Great video, thanks!One thing I have realised over the years is that, you tend to find what you are looking for, I don't mean things like keys, etc. I mean if you look for reasons to like somebody, you will find them, look for reasons to hate them, you will find them, look for beauty, you will find it! Reasons to be happy, or depressed, similarities between people or differences, basically whatever you look for you WILL find. The human brain is EXTREMELY good at finding patterns in chaos, even if the pattern isn't there! like a face in a cloud! So always take great care in what you choose to search for!!!!!!!

I'm glad I went poking around the playlist today. Never seen this vid but I'm glad I found it. Thanks Shad!

Being able to let others talk and listen is a great thing. You summed it up nicely: By doing so, one learns more about others and they might find more topics to talk about and deepen their friendship. As with pretty much everything else, don't take it too far. Others need to go along with this as well, they shouldn't always talk about them and give their colloquist a chance to speak. As for being offended: A certain level of maturity is a good thing, but it is okay to be offended once it goes too far. One doesn't need to accept everything without being offended. It's important to also let others know when they went too far. Regarding compliments: I'd rather have someone tell me the truth than sugarcoat me with compliments whenever I do something right in their book. If I'm wrong or if they think what I do is not okay and needs to be changed, then tell me and give me constructive criticism. I don't want people to criticize me wihout telling me what they think I did wrong. It's not out of the question that I'm simply not aware of it. But let me know what I do right as well, or else criticism is meaningless and will lead to me ignoring it entirely due to it being one-sided feedback. That happened to me once. A certain someone couldn't help but criticize me on every occasion. I gave it some thought and reached the conclusion that he was right, so I partially changed myself. Guess who said absolutely nothing about the change? The guy who criticized me for it. It was obvious, everyone around me noticed the change and they all said something. Except him. After I told him about it, he said he thought it was not necessary to mention it. Since then, his opinion doesn't mean anything to me. He should've given me positive and negative criticism, then everything would've been perfectly fine. I don't particularly need to be praised, but if someone wants to criticize me, that person needs to acknowledge my efforts too. Lastly, be it compliments or criticism, others shouldn't expect me to change based on what they say. I might give it some thought and if I decide not to change, then accept me the way I am or don't. I'm still me and before everything else, I need to be okay with the way I life my life. I'm not actively trying to make others hate me and think it's better to get along or at least coexist on a live and let live-basis (aka I don't bother others and they leave me alone), but if they can't accept me, they're free to do so.

Criticism and being a jerk are not interchangable things. Admitedly, it's easier to criticize if you are jerk, but these two things are both distinguishable and separable. Also, criticizing other people should mean that you are capable of taking criticism as well, and you should have no problem to say it to the person face to face. Otherwise, Great video! Thanks. PS: I think i value honesty more than likability.

Skallagrim does also different videos once in a while so it wasn't a problem for me. Anyway, it was an interesting talk, thanks Shad.

you are a wonderful soul! and your channel is wonderful too. this is super helpful! god bless.

www.thatonerule.com/rule/2062 What you say about being comfortable with yourself and your skill level is so true. And it's a very easy thing to forget. But I remember a quote about happiness that makes this point so well. "The secret to happiness lies not in getting what you want but in wanting what you have."

I was doubting to watch this , but i'm happy i did. It's nice to see how much i recognise, altho i think i'm not as far as you yet on the selfesteem part. But i do live by the code that kinda stuck in my head from my second grade teacher who said "never do to others what you wouldnt like being done to you"(also the reason he never ave us homework since he hated it). It actually goes further than just beeing nice to people, since that would be "forced". It gives the chance to put yourself in their shoes BEFORE you act, how is the situation to them ? and accept not everyone thinks the same and give them a chance to go in depth about what is going on before taking my conclusions. And if the situation is just too stupid , but i do feel offended and i feel my blood starting to boil by people's stupidity ... i just start singing "let it go, let it goooo" in my head and it actually works. Instead of thinking the situation over and over again feeling worse every time and starting to warp my option about that person and/or myself.

Old vid but I had to comment. None of this advice is unique or new, but good advice rarely is. It's good to reminded of these things and I think these videos add a kind of truth and rawness to your channel that other channels lack. I'd be happy for more of them.

14:20 I love and really appreciate how you didn't throw any sort of jab or remark to the effect of "which may have been rather recent."

Dear Shad, Thank you for your talk. My suggestion to help with relationships is to avoid the use of the word "should". As soon as you say "should" you are being judgemental. I recommend using the word "could" in place of the evil word "should" When you say "could" you have put your idea out there without being judgemental. The way to remember this idea is to say: I won't Should on you, if you don't Should on me. Enjoy my friend.

Tried to fall asleep watching this, but kept getting drawn back in and watched the whole thing. Great vid :)

I don't enjoy when someone is an ace to someone else, but I DO enjoy clever sarcasm, even if it happens to me.

For the past 6 years I’ve kept ignoring this video as it shows up in my recommended. Never quite pressing the not interested button and deleting it just in case I feel I need it.

I dont think that wanting to win is always a self esteem thing, I have always been very competitive, but not because I care about what other people think of me. I just take any loss as a personal failure and use it as an opportunity to better myself in my goal to be the best in everything I take the time to learn and apply myself too.

Nicaely said. I do find it miraculous how opposite we are, although this seems to be on the surface since we converge eventually towards a common ground. I think these kinds of things are a bit subjective. My views are too long for a comment, suffice to say I'm a less extreme version of House myself, both in a good way and bad. I like to think of the way we should live as being the sun in our own little systems. We should be aware of our own supreme importance in that system - self-esteem, confidence, reassurance - but also realise that our purpose is to give warmth to those around us - respect, acknowledgement, joy etc. Regardless of individual quirks, I think that's a nice, poetic way to sum it up. Even though it's not about dragons

Here is the usual like, comment, and full watch to increase engagement for you guys.

this was all quite nice, helpful info, the only bit of it i would have been able to employ when i was younger is admitting when your wrong, for me in my youth this was not something saw with positivity but rather a weak point to strike at my credibility and reputation to exploit. more these days i see this happen to younger people, and even in my life now too many people i meat are set in their ways and behave as childish as i remember in my youth, taking in any aspect in which your wrong as evidence to discredit everything you know and believe, discounting any influence you have in the social structure. i think this hurts us, as it limits the willingness to find and repair our flaws and instead try to tear open someone els's

Please make another video like this in the future Shad, it's very insightful to hear all this from a person with quite the similar personality too myself. I can attest first hand how far a simple compliment can go; so I recently started practicing martial arts, and there's a guy in my class that was struggling with kicks. I complimented one of his better kicks, and you know what happened? He instantly improved. Funny what a little positive reinforcement can do...

I liked your video, although I must say I really don't like people in general. Some people I know say that I have Misanthropy, although I don't agree with this particular label, I must say it fit me perfectly. I don't have many friends and don't matter for me to have, I like to live alone, and I'm quite happy about it. Criticism or praises matters not to me, don't matter from whom it came, and I have habit to keep my opinion to myself, only say something when it is required and always, I'm true about it. Incredible that both negative and positive things about relationship don't work with me. Your video made thing a lot about it, thanks for this.

the best way to solve the first point: get a friend with the same interests as you.

"Put in practice in daily life, they don't do." - YODA, Shad

Thank you for a great video, Shad.

Great video. I think you should make more of these. I enjoy these types of videos. I'm not really into medieval stuff, but the he man video is great! lol All the best mate. Keep the info videos coming...

I like videos like these. It's something else, for a change, not that I don't enjoy the sword stuff. Intelligent points.

House; the happiest character ever from a hospital drama. (sarcasm)

This would have had been very useful 17 years ago

Advice are always welcome so thanks

I just clicked on this video because I saw Dr. House..... DR. HOUSE IF FLIPPIN' AWESOME! And this was fairly useful, especially for a pretty young person like myself (not saying specific age)

A number of years ago, I was invited to a dinner. The hostess's dad was going to be there. During the war, he was a Kapo in a concentration camp - the Jew responsible for the barracks. When the concentration camp was liberated, the various barracks voted life or death for their own Kapos. He was spared. Why? I was told that he had slowed down. He did not speak about his own life, his interests, his complaints, his successes. All he asked about was ME. After a few minutes, I understood why he was likeable, why he was not executed by a guard and why the barracks voted to spare his life. You say the same thing. The second thing is to learn how to speak in public. I did it for a living. It is a form of acting while connecting with the individuals in an audience. The third thing is learn how to dance. My dad would grumble that the only people who got ahead in the navy officer corps were guys who danced with the admiral's wife. Well, I went to $1000 and $5000 a plate dinners as an escort, and have danced in Paris, Nice, Shanghai, Bejing, Palm Springs, Xian. You never lack for companionship - young or old.

"And was better at me than drawing" XD Seriously, I like that video. You're a good and wise guy. Even though I thought myself pretty mature, some things you said were eyeopening for me. (Yes, now I'm practicing giving compliments like you said XD)

You should apply for a professorship at Yale. There us now a course on how to be happy. Lol. Great life lessons Shad. Love all your videos

you only need to be better than yourself. if only the best of best would do something, than nothing in the world can be done.

How very mature of you Shad

Awesome video as more or less allways! Watching your videos, I always was very astonished by my level of agreement. Usually I don´t agree with everything that is being presented in full anywhere.... But here, pretty much all what has been said ... 99.99% Agree. That was confusing. Then I found out that you were an Elder too. And then I understood :-) Right on Brother! Your performance is just awesome! Excellent work! Would have loved to serve together with you. Nerd stuff (Swords, Castles, RPG)+ Philosophies + Thrusting in the sickle with might :-) There can’t possibly be a better recipe for a great Time. Thx 4 letting me enjoy a portion of that though your channel. If you find the time to answer. Where did you serve (and when)?

Thanks for this video, certainly worth to rewatch!

This was a very informative video with a clear train of thought. thanks!

Interesting video. I both experienced many of the same problems and found many of the same solutions as I grew up. Also, I wonder what your particular religious beliefs are. I also grew up with similar beliefs, and I don't know too many other religions that stick to those particular teachings these days. My particular religious experience took me to Taiwan for two years as a missionary.

Im 15... The generation im in will take full advantage of the internet, this video gives me a huge head start, like an apprentice learning from a master that had learnt from his master's master. The ethnicity of this... I cant say its controversial for a 15 year old to have the lessons of 180 years, but its weird.... Btw i like drawing and im writing a book and i like weapons and castles like you, we have a lot in common as i realized. We should talk some day

The Germans have a word for the thing you were talking about at 4:00. it's "schadenfreude": to derive pleasure from the suffering of others.

dr.house is basically my personality in a nutshell.

I don't really like talking about myself at all unless I am extremely comfortable with the person I am conversing with, I do however enjoy discussing and learning about things I am interested in...and the fact I just said that is probably a contradiction...but that's as far as it will go! Opinion does however reveal parts of ourselves anyway...i guess!

A great talk!

Well ... let's practice right away :) Thanks, Shad! I liked this video, it was very inspirational!

Love these ramblings. Please make more:)

Wow thanks, good life lessons.

Thanks - made me realize a thing or two. I really am gratefull, man - please if you happen do be in similar 'rambling mood' please try to focus your creativity into something a bit like this again. Thanks once more.

Hey, Shad. The ideas you have a so close to my own it's kind of scary. I try to do these things personally.this video was very interesting, i wouldn't mind seeing more of these kind of rambling in future videos : )

I could nitpick at a few things you've said, but that's pretty much all that it would be: nitpicking. Or misunderstanding you on purpouse. It's actually something I come across a lot. It is absolutely annoying (which I guess you know as well). At one point during your video I had to think of a phenomenon in many of the roleplaying parties I've been part of. Every player needed their niche of abilities to give their character validity in the group, and there was no way you could infringe on this niche of theirs (some players were worse than others in this respect). The partie I participate in now is more of a background story party, where the personal history is more important than their "abilities", and I find this mode far more beneficial to party coherence than archetypal roles

roll a good 20 on charisma? :idk jokes aside,.... I find that the best way to be likeable is to troll idiots. whenever I'm in a situation where I see someone behaving like an idiot, or straight asshole level, I start trolling. "yes, you're right.... we should do that.... also, since we're at it, how about this other thing too? can we get a bonus for that? how'd you like that?" things like that. if the person wants attention and respect, give them the attention, and have them act on it and manage it. they usually fall apart. after that, you get the looks from everyone like "thanks for that.... what an asshole!" mostly because some of the people tend to agree with said asshole, but they don't say anything, so when they witness the total destruction you put them through, most of them think back and are like "wow, I'd hate to be put on display like that", and they behave.

So I heard you were a writer. What are you working on at the moment? Have you published anything yet? I'm working on my first novel at the moment.

Lol the closed captioning has him saying "Everything that I have learned from my own wife's experience." Hahaha

better to be hated by who you are than to be loved by who you're not

you are so diplomatic. i envy you.still, i sometimes feel you should start seeing the way you are as a responisbility and stop to wonder, i wonder how much you still wonder.maybe its just cuz you need to explain but you see it clear, all i want to say, its nice that you think twice but dont let that ever stop you from acting.

comedy is tragedy happening to someone else

I've done the same thing to an extent, though I'm still quite argumentative at time. For a long time, I used to get offended and angry at the concepts of religion. So much so that I would use it as an excuse to argue with religious people and openly insult their beliefs. I was the angry atheist who felt personally insulted by religion, and I still am in many cases. I still get angry when I see street-preachers threatening people with Hell or baptist churches saying how my gay friends are evil; but there's some things I'll never tolerate. One of those ironically being intolerance. The fact that I've grown now makes me feel much happier. I'd have never been respectful to you in the past, or seen your religious beliefs as a positive for you back that. As soon as I found out I'd have been disappointed that you believed such "nonsense" and would have took it upon myself to try and de-convert you or at least try to highlight inconsistencies in your beliefs so I could publicly shame them. Not even sure why I did that. I'm glad I'm past that part of my life and can appreciate people without making myself offended at things that honestly don't really matter. I still argue about things that openly effect me and people I care about, but if it doesn't effect me I try to be understanding rather than offended. It's allowed me to see positives in things I never could before.

great video, learned a lot! thank you for sharing your thoughts:)

Things that you have found that worked for you may not work for someone else it's ok to share what worked for you but I wont be changing my personality just from watching this because your opinions are your experiences so this video isnt advice to follow but to take away and think about some opinions may share a common ground to be worth enough to take away human morality is a natural thing like aron ra says if you treat society like crap society will reflect that baak on you We all have the right to opinions just not the right to force an opinion onto others

may as well use the throne room right?

Shadmeister, what do you do for a day job?

woo no.1 great vid sounds usfull

i find it easy to not be offended but i deffinatly need to work on not appearing arrogant i was born with 2 rare genetic conditions (eds and marfans) and also developed pots so struggle with anything phisical and to compensate i have always enjoyed learning and learn quickly so tend to know more about how to do things and easier ways to do them so when i see people doing somthing ill tell them an easier way to do it to try and save them some effort but it seems it is taken more like "your doing it wrong" :/

great video

I love Naruto too!

👍👍👍

gosh bless

Taking criticism and not giving it is kind of selfish. for a very long time I have tried to better myself listening to what people had to say about me but I can't better myself if I don't know how others see me. you said you needed to hear "you think your better then everyone" for you to better yourself but you also say you wont do the same for others and give them the tools to better themselves. I believe everyone can better themselves and I give as much as I get, just in case someone else thinks the same as me. I don't know if this is true or how you think but to me it sounds like you want people to like you and no one else by making yourself more likable and not helping others be more likable.

I am genuinely interested in this, but I'm not about to watch 27 mins. Sparknotes this video

hum 2hrs swords why how when and if they never became a thing GO!

hey shad, nice vid, i think not related thou, try this game tiger knights in steam i think it might fit your taste

He looks like a British Stephen King! Am I the only one that is seeing this?

You are seem very smart Shad. You are the kind of person id love to have a political debate with because if it is true the things you said i belive you would come up with counter arguments to things you disagree with instead of throwing around slurrs and foul Words.

To be honest: I just klicked cause of House! :P

Eh, I dunno. From my experience, people don't like talking about themselfs unless you make them.

Shad what are you thinking of writing about?

I always liked house,before they turned him from someoen who knows what hes doing into someone that ignores the facts.

19:46 *Though

"Life lessons on how to be happy and likable" - recommended for you Well played KZfaq, you know me too well. Perhaps TOO well...

I need this

what if you have ADHD autisim and are an introvert? yes, i do

Every thought about doing hangouts?

You do seem like a likeable kind of guy. Rev Jim Jones and Ted Bundy were likable also

While I do agree with a lot of what you're saying, I think a lot of what you're saying is conformism in and of itself. You want to be liked. The way to be liked, in a lot of ways is conforming to certain ideas. That's applaudable to want to be liked and making those efforts, but beyond a certain point in a lot of things it is almost impossible to be liked and be honest/right/moral in some viewpoints.

You don't swear? Can I be your swearing translator? You say something and I translate it for ass holes :D

If you don't care what others think of you, why would you not have sex before mariage? What do you care that some guy up a cloud thinks of you?

Do you mean lickable or likeable?

I don't want to be any of these things! Unsubscribed.