In the Vengeful Spirit, a marine from the Sons of Horus notices that a dying Loyalist commander trying to aim her pistol before expiring. The marine scoffs and tells her to give her best shot. Except he misidentified her weapon: it was not a decorated las pistol, but volkite. The shot went straight through one of his hearts and Abaddon calls him a moron once he wakes up. Transhuman arrogance at its best.

One of the funniest moments for me was in arks of omen. (Paraphrasing) Belakor: "You will not be the next chaos god, Vashtorr! I will stop you!" Vashtorr: "Oh yeah? You and what army?" Belakor: "Half of your army!" Half of Vashtorr's black legion is the alpha legion working for Belakor. EDIT: Another favorite funny moment was when Kharn was on a rampage, killing loyalists and traitors alike. He's completely consumed in his blood rage. The admiral of the chaos fleet has to order a retreat as the traitors are losing, but kharn isn't listening to the order to retreat. So he orders his teleportarium to bring kharn off the planet and back into the fleet. The teleport master says something along the lines of "Are you sure?", knowing that Kharn will start killing the crew if he's teleported up. The Admiral looks back and knows what the teleport master means. "Do you think me a fool? No, don't teleport him onto MY ship! Teleport him onto THAT ship." he says while gesturing to an escort ship. Kharn gets teleported up, and the escort ship gets towed by the fleet because everyone knows Kharn just killed the crew.

That lost arm feels like a Monty Python sketch, but then you remember Lord Uxbridge who lost his leg to a cannonball at Waterloo, looked to Wellington and said "By god, sir, I've lost my leg."

That one time a bunch of Night Lords were captured by the Dark Angels and decided to use their acid spit to slowly melt a hole in the wall of their cell. Not for any grand escape plan but just to screw around with their jailors by saying "there's a problem with our cell".

Some of my favorite 40k moments come from Assassinorum: Kingmaker, a fantastic book where Absolom Raithe (a Vindicare), Sycorax (a Callidus) Avaaris Koln (a Vanus) and Rakkan (an alcoholic Armiger pilot) go to stop a knight world from seceding with copious amounts of murder. Here's some highlights: - Raithe gets into an argument with Sycorax and says something to the effect of "go shapeshift into someone who respects authority." - The knight world's main sacristan goes on a rant about how much she hates Belisarius Cawl's grav-tanks. - Rakkan's mother has such a foul mouth that it's rumored her house uses her to strip the paint off of knight suits. - Koln's weapons of choice are finger guns. - Sycorax calls Guilliman a "blue bastard" at one point.

I love every moment of the ork book, Da Big Dakka. It's orks vs dark eldar and the differences in how the orks dont fear death and dark eldar do is great. In one scene they try to scare the warboss they capture with putting in the arena until he dies fighting and he's like great. They're shocked he doesn't fear his death to which he just answers "You gotta die anyway it might as well be violence or at least funny"

Dorn aggravating Khorne with his reciting of military doctrine and not fully vowing blood to the chaos God always cracks me up.

There was this scene from Angron: red angel - that I found absolutely hilarious :The captain of the Conquer Kossolax wants to kill the spirit piloting the ship and she is absolutely not having it : ‘And what then, Kossolax Foresworn? Who will keep this ship’s crew fed, its population in balance? Who will ensure its guns are loaded and its furnaces hot? The World Eaters?’ She produced another dry, retching laugh. It left her face in the rictus shape of a smile. ‘Do you even know when and where the Conqueror last took on fuel? Or from whom?’ Kossolax snarled. ‘I will not share glory.’ for reference Kossolax has had the ship for atlleast 600 years.

Honestly, listening to Pharos has been a comedy riot, "We Float For McCrage!" "Avenging Bean Counter" and Mericus the Sassy...

Idk whether it's funnier to think Lukas the Trickster is actually screwing a rogue trader or if he's just pulling their legs

In Betrayer: Kharn: Where is Angron? Destroyer-Marine: I saw him over there eating people. Kahrn: Oh no, not again! Not oh shit its worse this time its AGAIN

OK that bit of banter and fart joke with the space wolves. Some people have no idea how wholesome that banter actually is to have in real life between soldiers.

The Caiaphas Cain quote is from the traitor's hand book which in my opinion is the funniest Cain book out of them all.

From Traitor's Hand (I believe), a Ciaphas Cain novel. They've raided a Slaanesh hideout and stumbled across some rather explicit holoslates. One of the troopers is staring at one and says "Is that even possible?" To which Cain replies "No, and if it were, it would be against regulations." A+ use of reader imagination. Haven't read that book in over a decade and the line still sticks with me. The great bit about the Cain novels is the soldiers have variety and occasional humor. Like when (I think the same book) they see a Khornate berserker, the Sergeant's order is "Big red thing, five rounds rapid!". Understandable crisp order, and absolutely someone holding onto their bowels by willpower alone.

Alpha Legion: come for the memes, stay for the Hitman/James Bond/Mission Impossible storylines, crippling identity crisis, entire legion of corkboard and string theories lore, and the memes!

I always imagine Wolfs of Fenrys go from "wolf-pup frat boys" to "Pure Danger Werewolf-Vikings" during their lifetimes

Lol that Iron Warrior understood the concept of a grav tank and still got pancaked, accomplishing nothing

01:49 Crono -who's really looking fwd to leave his parents' hellhole house situation - claiming he's the only one in a livable place. LMAO

The Alpha Legion story was fucking hilarious, I have to read it

I love when Trayzn and Orikan are heckling the play in The Infinite and the Divine

"WHERE ARE YOU FROM IS IT THE GUNNARY DECK!?"

I love ikea, meatballs and lego but thank god we havent had the nineteenth ikiean legoian war.

"This is an unfortunate side effect of my brother. Just accept them the way they are" had me laughing out loud

The Ynnari books are great because there are chapters that are from the point of view of the cat. Also, the second book the autarch and the Kabalitte Interactions are great.

One of my favorite moments is from a recent book called da red gobbo rides again and its at the beginning where the painboy stimma is given an impromptu lesson on ork biology from the old painboy cause he took a railgun to the side And i qoute “ vakka a painboy to the last didn’t waste the chance to make the most of a really horribe injury. Like a schola-demonstrator leading an amputation, he’d guided stimmas meaty hand to each of his organs, explaining what they did, how they worked. ‘Dats da wobbler’ vakka had said, forcibly placing stimmas fingers against a quivering lump of flesh that hung loosely from his ruined flank. ‘It wibbles.’ “

1:38:29 Rofl Corvux just burnnned the entire legion with one answer. I am dying inside

I love that space wolves book its even funnier when you realise thats Ragnar blackmane as a bloodclaw

I was really hoping for this collab! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT IS IN REAL SPACE

We float for Macragge! (Pharos)

1:08:57 That "ITS MY TUUUURN" that was just shot into the void fucking slayed me

Just 26 minutes until the actual title content, but i love it. This if the best Warhammer channel!!

I’ve got 2 favourite funny moments: 1 from infinite and divine the taunting of Tryzan over him having a statue and then the follow up of his stain glass window being smashed. The second is twice dead king ruin where one of the sub minds says the necron word for crap and even then it’s slang of a slang of a slang word for it and the rest erupt in fury and one even tries to see if they can delete the offending sub mind.

My favorite funny moment with night lords is when malchador wakes up and once he meets the exalted calls him fugly and leaves

I have gotten lost in ikea several times throughout my life... i was asked to leave around closing time because I found the gaming PCs and logged in to the groups steam and then was playing Vampire Survivors for like 6 hours. The guy who asked me to leave was actually quite nice and I even gave him the group login... he hasnt used it😢

The Fire Hawks(I think) were Orange, that's why GW murdered them into the Legion of the Damned.

I heard that deep in the bowels of IKEA HQ they have a room with the platonic ideal furniture set, that all other furniture is but a mockery of.

Congrats on 100k you guys deserve the views great show

I think the best theory is that upon the death of alpharous and omegon they fused together and became Sigmagon the ultraprimarch

As I’ve been listening to this. The Blark and Son reference, absolutely sent me through the roof 😂 keep up the good work guys

It starts with "Kharn? Would you like to know who killed Argel Tal?

Tonight on astarties anonymous live from the black library is alpharius, tom gose full ork about shorts, moots talks about talker, aaron makes sad death guard noises

Now all we need is a warhammer blunt rotation vid and a which primarch would you vote for president 😂

I feel like you guys are the top gear of warhammer its all the banter and joking around

Some more funny Cain moments are Inquisitor Vale’s commentaries, where she’s constantly bashing the vallahan general that she’s quoting and literally gives the reader permission to skip the excerpt And a more recent one from Cain’s last stand where Cain gets beaten at poker by a celestine sororitas, who was also having a love affair with an administratum bureaucrat. And all of this happened in the Schola Progenium

For the Ciaphas Cain excerpt I'm fairly sure it comes from The Traitors's Hand and yes it is a funny scene. My favorite line was the Tech Priest just shrugs and says pray to the Omnisiah?

This is like the best mash up in the history of ever. Chrono and the Anonymous podcast in one video is a forbidden wine I love to drink. P.s it seems like the resident Night Lord has vacated the premise. I have a feeling our Harlequins opinions on the Night lords and his FAVORITE Night Lord may uh…have something to do with that

0:06 The bass in your opening music bumps! I was pleasantly surprised, I must say.

1:40:07 What do you mean, forgotten? I still wait for Corax to reunite with the Emperor and tell him all the new swear words he invented.

Shroud of Night Kassar: “WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS!?”

Tom getting triggered at 1.25x Speed is absolutely chaotic and it's amazing

Adding more context to Brutal Kunnin', the best part of them boarding the titan, they were riding in a shok jump dragsta, so they warp jumped past the titans void shields, in which Ufthakk mentioned his arms stretching away from him, the world being made of teeth for a second, then the humie gargant being much closer.

I can understand worrying about that couch in the trunk. If it had fallen out and been hit by a Volvo or an old Saab you would have had to see your brand new couch reduced to its subatomic components and maybe have to pay for the scratch in the other driver's paint.

As someone who used to work in an IKEA, can confirm

I think this may have been your best one yet!

another one is a Salamanders space marine telling an Iron Hands marine that the whole legion has a stick up their ass. This made the iron hands marine laugh.

Found your guys podcasts and have been following since... This video was great specially bit about sealed gassing... Keep it up guys great listening espcially when painting and making terrian...

2:46 Love the new Astartes Anonymous lore that Moots is mono-pose xD

you giys bring smilles to faces and thank you for helping me get into 40k

That last one is from The Traitors Hand, I'm reading it right now, it's great!

Hearing Tom lose his fucking mind was very funny

"When they all got goofy and SCP went to shit" *sssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhh*

Is the first model supposed to be Adam smasher from cyberpunk? That logo is the Arasaka corp logo

I Cato Sicarius am trying to understand your joke father....

Funny thing about orange being the least common color, is that orange and blue is exactly what I'm painting my Salamanders successor chapter lmao

the angels penitent is primary orange with a black highly recommend as they're the main sm chapter for the dark coil series

A shame the Alesio Cortez from Rynn’s world wasn’t brought up with him talking to Kantor about loosing his arm and telling Kantor he hadn’t lost it before pointing back to his dismembered arm.

1:44 damn I didn’t know he was based like that

LETS GOOOOOOOO 100K!!!!!!

Spoilers for Da Big Dakka, but whilst Uftak s fighting in an arena in Camoragh they put him up against a crimson fist, who obviously hates orks, and the crimson fist comes at him gets his shit rocked then gets full on godzilla throwing a spider thrown into the crowd of drukari watching, I was laughing so goddam hard

Servtar also once console Konrad while he was having a mental breakdown and told everyone to leave the control room and it was only those two together and when he was done he asked if Servtar wanted to know how’s he’s going to die and the badass says “Naw” I hate Konrad as he’s a lying dickhead with excuses but Servtar is badass even tho he’s a evil guy but he owns it and was the first to say “death to the false Emperor”

"Orange is the black sheep of colors" I have an orange marine army. It's a horrendous color to paint with, to the point that I had to get and learn how to airbrush in order to make my scheme easier to do.

3:15 HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. I had to subscribe, loving your work guys, keep it up, love the guests you bring! The Amber king, Chrono, The Rememberancer, Pancreas was it? Soo sorry if I made a fool of myself right now. :p Hopefully you get my point :p. 3:26 YES SOO true!! 22:17 So on point!! 1:38:25 So true!!

For those interested in the Ciaphas Cain excerpt it's from the third book The Traitor's Hand. I also highly recommend the Ciaphas Cain series, it's a great time the whole way through.

The Khan being Musashi makes sense for when he makes the return to 40k

Tbf people overlook bomebrews often dont NEED something to fit the story and such can just be used as a place holder or to serve as just cool artwork i mean even the model itself gives off a kinda chapter that was born of russes geneseed since they have as much on their armour that fits just to their homeworld as much as the markings to show they're luna wolves

Most of the Cain books is absolutely funny too just the entire series basically 😂😂🤣🤣 or the Orks

One of my favorite funny moments in lore is near the end of the fall of cadia when greyfax cancels the previous Inquisitor saying no one is leaving by saying shut up I've been stationed here on this planet far before you were even born get me off this planet damn it. Plus and trazyn scenes in fall of cadia are just a fun time

> "The only one in a liveable place" because others live in Europe >wants to move to Europe something is not tracking

Why was the first seven minutes of this video of just IKEA 🤣🤣

My favorite line was when Horus said "it's heresy time" and proceeds to horus heresy all over the place and become the 40k warhammers

In the book Warhawk, the secuence where Arkhan Land is running across the battlefield is crazy funny. All of it.

40:11 a friend has a neurological defect. When not drunk, he tumbles around knocking into things and has a hard time forming sentences. There’s a view ways he gets normal, getting very tired like sleeping while trying to eat tired. Getting sleep medication since that puts him in the state previously described. Being drunk like 1,5-3‰ calms him down as well. Weed obviously also works. Sadly it’s not as funny as it sounds. His deficiency basically banns him from driving communication is horrible ect.

I love the idea of lucas pipping a rouge trader, I guess some girls just like it ruff.

1:01:46 I don’t think I’ve seen Tom this mad since Hannibal’s Lectern

I feel sad for the Jagathai Fulgrim debacle because when you stop to pay some attention in between the lines, its clearly Fulgrim trying to bond with his brother who he believes they would have some affinity... In... a very Fulgrim way that unfortunatelly aways sounds very pettish but is his way of showing interest. Fulgrim was just trying to get closer to the Khan.

Imagine that was an actual chapter

Best quote…. “Yeah”

The unsung gonna get recruited by Constantine

I'd love to see Astartes Anonymous and Adeptus Ridiculous do a collaboration one day

I love shroud of night. As an alpha legion man it's one of my favorite books. Edit: talker is from the audio drama: Prophets of the WAAAGH

We see sebatar as a dreadnaught in the night lords trilogy

Just something that got a little giggle out of me when I first got to it. A Thousand Son, World Eater, and an Emperor's Children Astartes walk into a bar. Except the bar is actually The Vengeful Spirit, and the bartender is Ezekiel Abaddon. He lured them to the world the ship was currently on as part of his plan to get the Black Legion going, and as they're all talking he's trying to be formal and offers them drinks. The Thousand Son thinks to himself the drink tastes like gasoline and Abaddon says "Yeah so this is basically adrenochrome mixed with some other eldritch reagents and a good attempt at synthesized ectoplasm". While the Thousand Son is processing this, the World Eater says it's good and he likes it. The Thousand Son does his magic thing and psychically reaches out to see if he's being earnest and he is.

2:05:47 skimpy maid-marine jump-scare

Imma put shroud of night on my Wishlist.

I saw the title and instantly clicked on the video lmao

1:58:29 is my absolute favorite ork moment of all time.

The Cain excerpt comes from I believe the third full book in the series

I swear when Fulgrim returns, the Khan will as well, and the first thing the Khan will say is ‘Still doing strange things to your men brother?’

Dear God seei f Tom this pissed off made me cry laughing 58:49 😂

Wait, Chrono likes SCP? Well well, now I'm even more of a fan of this guy!