LOCKED UP In a PSYCH WARD: My Experience

Рет қаралды 96,371

Күн бұрын

NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO? Book an appointment with me: bignoknowllc.setmore.com/ Test your testosterone / Hormone levels with LetsGetChecked and take control of your physical and mental health. Get 20% off with this link and code: NOAH20: trylgc.com/noah
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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked

Пікірлер: 451

@PABLO-DC4L 3 жыл бұрын

I’m reading this and it breaks my heart. I’m suffering with anxiety and depression. I pray for people who suffer from mental health

@Angelique-zs6nk 28 күн бұрын

There is hope. I promise you. Just seek a licensed therapist.

@SeattleSun 11 күн бұрын

I'm praying for you tonight. I hope you are well and know how important you are.✨

@itsraphael09 9 жыл бұрын

Never wanna go back there ever again. Place is like prison, we weren't even allowed to go outside

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Not somewhere you ever plan on being that's for sure.

@koalafromtomorrow5656 3 жыл бұрын

You better in prsioom then a mental health you know that crazy are we supposed to be the crazy ones

@RobinDonnelly1208 3 жыл бұрын

@@koalafromtomorrow5656 You must have had a bad experience. I'm sorry.

@kaiman5307 6 жыл бұрын

You are lucky have family members care for you . i go through this suicidal depression alone .

@Benny.13 5 жыл бұрын

Kai man same here no support system at all

@mialite7959 4 жыл бұрын

Same here!

@teleprompt 4 жыл бұрын

Kai man - I'm sending a big hug and positivity your way.

@RobinDonnelly1208 3 жыл бұрын

Kai man, ditto for me too!

@RobinDonnelly1208 3 жыл бұрын

@@Benny.13 and Kai man, I too have virtually no support system.

@wisingertracey 8 жыл бұрын

I have major depression I decided to go get help I was in the hospital for 10 days to overcome of it was pretty good I learned a lot of stuff that I didn't on my own I still fight depression and Suicidal Thoughts but something inside of me keeps on fighting on

@user-ly5qg6kd4e 8 жыл бұрын

What a great guy.. I myself have been through multiple psych hospitals.. Faith and hope... Never give up.... It gets better no matter what you have been through...

@inkedinRl 9 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. I'm going through one one the worse times of my life. My anxiety is so high I'm having trouble leaving the house, every little tingle or twitch in my chest I think I'm having heart problems. I'm 30 days today sober and smoke free.. I was using alcohol to mask my major anxiety and it got to the point where even binge drinking was doing nothing to control it. I've since been put back on high doses of Xanax and my Seroqel has been bumped up. I'm lucky I'm alive because I was drinking heavily on these drugs. And benzodiazepines and alcohol and a death sentence sooner or later.. I'm making progress every day, thanks to a very supportive wife and family. I hope to shake this awful Anxiety and depression and resume a "normal" life.. God knows I'm putting in the work!

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Wow, thx for being so brave and sharing this. You are in a painful place, but I believe with all that I have you will overcome. Just take it day by day and stay brave.

@Mr.Fallan 6 жыл бұрын

Be strong man

@alfaroec 6 жыл бұрын

I understand you brother, please hang in there, hope all will continue improving

@angelastcerny 5 жыл бұрын

First things first. Get rid of evil clown face and any other evil in your life ...come to Jesus. Its easy and He will help you like no one can....google Billy Graham or evangelist of choice for the salvation prayer..Gino Jennings is harsh but amazing. God bless you❤i know it may sound crazy but you will experience peace like never before...what do you have to lose? 🙏

@RobinDonnelly1208 3 жыл бұрын

Keep up the work. I'm glad you're getting help. I can't wait to start counseling. My new insurance company is supposed to be finding me a grief counselor close by who will see me. Part of my problem is that my depression keeps in a kind of state of inertia where I find it almost impossible to find the motivation to do anything, even to in contact with them. I'm just trying to survive and be strong.

@IkuTree 7 жыл бұрын

As always, thank you for your talks. They're always honest and comforting in their honesty. I live in Brussels and my experience with the emergency room and emergency services was not pleasant at all. One evening as I was enjoying some time with my work collegues, I had what I consider to be odd panic attack. I didn't know who I was and where I was anymore and I was crying uncontrollably and no one around me knew me well enough to know how to handle it. They called an ambulance and the two guys who took me to the ER were horrible. I had bruises everywhere on my body, my arms from being held down, my legs from where they stuck a board on top of me to keep me still. Way to stop someone from panicking right? Not to mention the things they were yelling at me about how they were going to call the police if I didn't calm down. At the hosptial they stuck me in a room alone for an hour and then a nurse asked if I was ready to go home. That was it. I do not trust doctors or hospitals with my mental health and it's a disgrace that people worse off than I am have to deal with this fraud of a system.

@tammyhubbard9443 5 жыл бұрын

So transparent, and brave of you.. you are giving hope to others hurting, thank u God wants us to be happy!

@valenciamorales2836 6 жыл бұрын

Gosh your stories are so strong. I can relate with all of this. It brought me to tears when I said ur dad said I don’t give u permission to die. To have someone say that means everything. Thank u for posting I’ll keep watching.

@sccm100 8 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. Dude you're brave, not at lot of people have the balls to do what you do. I'm sure people will benefit for your story and once again thank you.

@jaccrazy21 8 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your honest video and the sharing of your experience. You r a strong person. And many people will benefit from your story.

@bignoknow 8 жыл бұрын

+Katie Johnson :) Wishing you the very best.

@calebchriscoe6637 9 жыл бұрын

Thanks man your vids always encourage me to keep on fighting that maybe one day I can get better and it will all be worth the fight

@shaggy8049 8 жыл бұрын

You speak about it all in a very sincere way that reaches people, not all have that gift of getting through to others. So happy you found that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

@SaigaHTX 6 жыл бұрын

Man I can’t imagine going through this bro, but your strong to live it and pass on the positive message! Keep doing this to help other people. Very helpful video.

@mrme123ee 7 жыл бұрын

Dude, I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. :( Again, love your videos. We share a great deal of the same medical issues. From depression, anxiety, and VERY low T. Love your videos!!!!!

@artisticamnesia4153 9 жыл бұрын

You are very brave for sharing this. I'm grateful that you have. You have come so far, done so much, as hard as it is to look back, look how much you have conquered. It's an inspiration.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

You are always so nice and it means allot and inspires me to keep doing what I'm doing. Hope you are well.

@vickijohnson4428 8 жыл бұрын

I'm so happy for you! I am a nurse at a psychiatric hospital. We love and care about every person . God bless you always!

@dalefirebirdd 6 жыл бұрын

vicki johnson then why does my visit still sit in my head as the single most horrible thing thats ever happened to me, and made me 18 times deeper into my already horrid issues. I would never in a million years refer anybody thats not an extreme to this place. Ever

@AFlamingSword 6 жыл бұрын

God Bless you Vicki, I too was hospitalized, I loved all the nurses, they were all so cool. I remember many fondly to this day.

@marklerseth5471 5 жыл бұрын

My experience is that psych wards are like concentration camps and the staff tend to be on a power trip to the patients.

@corsicanlulu 4 жыл бұрын

some if u guys were absolutely shitty and some were very nice, that was my experience. some people in helping careers are narcissistic and i have met a lot of them

@lionessdez 8 жыл бұрын

You are so underrated. Your stories and words of wisdom honestly are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing, you're helping out a lot of people who are going thru something similar including myself.

@jennygibbons1258 6 жыл бұрын

Noah I am overwhelmed with appreciation for your brave and honest videos that I just happened to find whilst searching for something practical and real to help one of my grandchildren. I've been through what she describes and I really understand the pit of despair. I wanted her to have tools she could use whilst waiting for counseling. I talk with her daily as we are hundreds of miles apart, just to listen and do my best to show love and support. It's been a long, hard road and I am not sure exactly when it ended. However, I've been fine for a long time so like yourself I know there's light in the darkness. Thanks for offering hope. We're all human and life is both wonderful and messy... it's real and spare you and that's what I appreciate so very much. I look forward to seeing more of your story and insights. Thanks again Noah.

@piepie11ful 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. I can definitely relate. I spent some time in a Behavioral Medical Center as well. I understand your exact feelings. When you first get there you don't want to be there and you have no idea what to expect. You hear all these horror stories it scares you. Keep using those coping skills! You are so strong. You're not alone buddy. And you know that now.

@0KJo 8 жыл бұрын

Thanks for all the videos, takes courage doing what you do and have done... I "voluntarily" checked in to the psych ward in stockholm, sweden. (I write "voluntarily" because I was just in a place where I didn't care but the suicidal thoughts had cooled down so I just accepted all offers presented without a thought... numb and indifference where key emotions at that point...) Once I got in I felt a calm wash over me, as you said, it felt very secure after only a day but spent much of my time alone with my thoughts. It was the sense of no obligations and no pressure that was the main reasons I liked it. For once, I could be "alone" with my thoughts... I had tons of help which saved my life and I am forever grateful for that. Having said that, I tried to hang myself in the middle of the night in the bathroom... luckily (but not surprisingly) I failed. there was some safety thingy installed so I wasn't able to finish it off.. but no one noticed, no nurse doctor or anyone heard me smashing in to the floor of the bathroom where I laid for about half an hour without a thought or emotion passing through me. After that, the medicines kicked in and fortunately for me the side effects did seem to take on me and I was up to go a week after. I wasn't an addicted, I did good in school and had everything going for me. So when people ask why I was depressed I usually let my answer dissolve into the simple and understandable yet mildly dishonest answer: "pure genetics". All in all my experience turned out excellent. My uncle, not so much. After being a successful lawyer with three children and a wife his drinking went out of control, he lost his job, most of his family and his sense of purpose. My grandpa described him as a shadow when he visited him after his divorce (that came the day he was released from the ward...) Perhaps needless to say he jump of a bridge two day after his release. My father called his doctor and asked how it could've been prevented, the answer.. "Depression is a deadly disease." no more, no less. And it is true, depression is a deadly disease. But when a patient dies from a heart related disease that there was a chance of survival, the responsible doctors confer and takes it tremendously serious (at least in sweden) just to give you a contrast between the wives of mentally sick people in dire need of help compared to one with a heart disease. Let us work to change that. Depression is a sickness able to be cured when found out in time and right circumstances.... Just like a common heart disease. Equality, respect and understanding is whats needed for people suffering with psychological disorders. Love, always, Gustav Stockholm, Sweden

@JOHNPJORDAN50 2 жыл бұрын

Hey Noah. I was in there before. You express the experience so genuinely. I hope I can get the help I need. Fear and depression can tear a person up. It’s a battle. I enjoy your videos. Thanks for sharing. It gives me hope.

@perfumealicea1 5 жыл бұрын

You're very strong and brave for sharing your situation with us,thank you a million and God bless you,what you're dealing with it's only for true soldiers and you'll make it out fantastic so stay strong my friend you're awesome and i admire you so much!!!💖💖💖

@Karmah01 6 жыл бұрын

I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate and respect your honesty. What a great channel you have! Please always remember and don't ever forget...no-know's life matters. 🙂

@scottfranson4215 9 жыл бұрын

My goodness,You are so Loved.I hope all the Love ,care and thought you have giving Come`s back to you Like a wave of life ,and love . You Help people world wide. I`m apart of your support team. For me (Bipolar) repaid Cycling ADD and Social Anxiety Disorder . Thank God for your Voice of Real Hope . Together we will help each other.

@philipbrailey 7 жыл бұрын

Your a brave man. And helping others. You deserve a medal.

@bignoknow 7 жыл бұрын

+philip Brailey thx for the kindness.

@Shellbee55 5 жыл бұрын

you were blessed to have the support and love of family. i too have been in lock down, suicidal. But no one came, I was in ICU 5 days, no one came...and they wonder "what's wrong" seriously

@stormchaserken 6 жыл бұрын

you're a good man Noah and we are blessed you sharing your experiences with us sufferers. You make us realize we are not alone in this. Be well my friend. thank you

@Sara5698 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this. I’m watching this video thinking “I know who you are I’ve seen you before but I can’t figure out where...” know I remember.. your fathers channel! He seems so supportive and he’s so positive I love his channel.... you seem like you have a great support system. So sorry to see how much your struggle. And the video of your wife and the dog incident.... I hope you and your loved ones are doing good.

@crystalstarr3200 3 жыл бұрын

You can't undo suicide. So glad you pulled through Noah!!

@BBThumper1939 8 жыл бұрын

Hey man, I can definitely relate to your situation. I started drinking when I was 12 and the first time I tried to kill myself was when I was 18. I self medicated. I tried to quit drinking repeatedly on my own. I tried a 12 step program which didn't work until I found Jesus. My father asked me to read the new testament. One night I was reading the book of Mark at about 4 am. When I read the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, at that point, I closed my eyes and everything was white and I saw the words I Love You in my mind. I felt unexplainable peace throughout my entire body. I was born again. If it happened for me, it can happen for anyone. Seek Jesus, he loves you. God bless.

@mally4457 8 жыл бұрын

Love this!!

@summertime3431 8 жыл бұрын

awe sounds like my confirmation

@LiveToRapRapToLive93 7 жыл бұрын

Andy Maynard amen brother! I had the same experience, except it was with drugs. About 3 ears ago i came to believe in Jesus Christ. I was suffering with chronic pain in my right foot, hand, and knee; I was also smoking weed heavily which I had been doing for 7 years. I was on mood stabilizers and going to doctors, getting into brutal fights with my folks. I told my parents I was going to kill myself multiple times. I remember being in my shower crying and yelling, I started to pray and said "Jesus if your real take all this away from me, I need you in my life. I don't want to live like this anymore, heal me!" My life has never been the same. I have peace and joy in my life that I never once had, I'm no longer depressed or angry and I haven't smoked weed since. Now I'm more happy and loving towards everyone, I have a new relationship with my family members, and now I also have a relationship with God :) Praise Jesus! John 8:36 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

@scottboatright3880 7 жыл бұрын

Nice job, young brother. Wow! Think of all the years of pain you're saving! Awesome! I'm so happy for you.

@Jc22ny 8 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your video! it gives out so much hope and makes getting help less scarier.

@coloradobrad6779 3 жыл бұрын

Appreciate you sharing this very personal struggle, you are helping a lot of people including me.

@chrisuniverse5979 6 жыл бұрын

You seem very intuitive,sane and empathic,im glad u didnt die and are happy today,best wishes,your so lucky your parents and family love u your so lucky,please if this ever comes up again find me somehow and ill talk u out of it,your so lucky friend,and strong with a soothing voice im serious

@Angelique-zs6nk 28 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience. Having suffered, as you did, in a very dark place, it feels good to get out of that hell. I am grateful for my therapist. Keep up your good attitude about life. It really is shorter than we think.

@pmbluemoon 7 жыл бұрын

I've been through the same thing, and it's awesome the help you can get, don't worry about what can happen, it's NOT BAD, please reach out for help. I would have missed out on such good moments in my life. No, it's not all pooping rainbows and unicorns, but it was amazing how they can show you that YOU MATTER! :-)

@alexmora838 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing this, I am also struggling through depression and your experience is a huge inspiration.

@deeznutz-or4lu 5 жыл бұрын

great video been there a ton. Be happy you have a great support system. wish you the best brother

@williamrussell3885 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this and letting everyone know that it will be okay.. You're the best..

@katlove5481 9 жыл бұрын

You are so incredibly loved. I hope you know that. I've been watching your vids on DP/DR and it may be hard as an outsider to realize how loved you are. I'm trying to remind myself of that also, everyday while I'm going through this myself. I often feel so alone, and abandoned. I know I'm not.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Kat Love These words warm me to my core, thanks Kat. Sending love right back to you! ALL FOR 1.

@katlove5481 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much :) It's great to hear from you!

@dossman6 6 жыл бұрын

Know this feeling all to well. So much loss since my divorce, treading water trying to find stability past 6 years. Ty I needed to see this, we are all loved by Jesus.

@thelonehiker4698 6 жыл бұрын

My anxiety is getting so bad that is starting to make me depressed, I know what it is like to want to give up, I feel the pain everyday. It is good that your family stood by your side and encouraged you to not give up.

@Packerfan1993 7 жыл бұрын

When i was in there i got my life back! The people that where in there help me out so much!

@matthewdenham7398 3 жыл бұрын

Good to hear that you also had support I reckon that you and I were both well looked after and you deserve a strawberry milk for sharing your story

@tobyrackham600 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you for being so honest, I've been in the same situation. Takes guts to come out man - massive respect to you. T from the UK

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Toby Rackham Thx Tobin, means allot.

@John-iy5bf 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you for doing these videos. I'm going through hell right now. What you are saying in these videos is making a difference. I'm glad you chose to live. You were meant to help others.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

John L Scardina Jr. I'm sorry for the pain you are in John, stay brave and reach out as much as you need. I am here bro.

@broccoli4002 5 жыл бұрын

Good video thanks. I was feeling quite down past two days and hearing your story has given me inspiration....big thank you. Glad you got through your experience .

@Ithica87 5 жыл бұрын

@bignoknow I've been going through a really dark time in my life. Thanks for sharing your experience.

@jeremycocking1964 5 жыл бұрын

We are glad you share and are hear with us

@matvei15 5 жыл бұрын

Great testimony, man. Kudos to you. Keep your head up.

@tracytaylor2118 6 жыл бұрын

Great video. As a nurse and on occasion a patient due to depression, I applaud you for being honest and open about your experience. There is no shame in needing to ask for help. More people should be so brave and humble. It's a mental health break to give our minds a chance to reset from all the chaos.

@Maiden4eva1995 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing Noah. think we've all been to rock bottom before and it's good to relate and find a connection in that. Makes us not feel as hopeless and alone as we may think...

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Maiden4eva1995 Abosulutely bro, never alone.

@0mikr0n 7 жыл бұрын

Hospital security officer here. Thank you for telling your uplifting and honest story of your experiences in the psychiatric care system. I often need to enforce detention orders on psychiatric patients, in a verbal only capacity if at all possible. I deal with people in their most frightened moments, their lowest, because that's when the unit staff are calling me. Sometimes I need to play on-the-spot counselor, and I do my best to show compassion. For these circumstances, I often use stories like yours to give hope. I'm often the de facto negotiator in my team, and I find that hope does help In some cases, I cannot calm or de-escalate a patient and must unfortunately enforce the DO physically. It's frustrating to reach that point because I feel it further distances the trust between patient and staff. I know this is a painful topic, but I must ask. Were you at all restrained during this experience? If so, how did it affect your perception of care? If someone said something that changed how you felt about being restrained, what was it? Thank you again. I really want to do the best I can for those who suffer like you have.

@Polskaboy33 5 жыл бұрын

0mikr0n takes a strong person to do the things you do. Thanks it doesn't go unnoticed

@t-baghoskin7164 4 жыл бұрын

As someone who had to be physically restrained in the pysch ward more than once, when i was in a severely dark place in my early twenties It's like part of me was grateful and part of me was resentful towards the staff. I don't remember a whole lot even though i was there at least 2 weeks, it's a traumatic blur. Even though i was in such a bad state i did know they were only trying to help

@lindalarsson1436 4 жыл бұрын

I don't believe you. You actually are asking how it felt to be restrained,? 😕 Answer to that is go stay in strange facility. Then experience restrained . If was part of staff training and mandatory that Psychitrist /staff stayed a week in these wards with forced medications, then recieved rude treatmrnt perhaps psy wards would improve or they would be shut down. It's prison. And just as corrupt as alot of senior homes Anyone who has been in a psychiatric ward that doesn't meet lazy unsympathetic staff must have won the lottery. Few people trust mental facilities for good reasons.

@hopemalfitano5388 7 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing this, I have been in one too. I have PTSD, OCD and I have sucide attempt x7 and recently self harm, But your very strong talk your life I couldn't even do it

@meherenow1501 9 жыл бұрын

Another amazing video. I never ended up in a ward, but because the anxiety took over so suddenly for me and was so intense, I felt like I should have been hospitalized. I was so shocked with how I went from being happy to suicidal in a matter of days! I can relate to the numbness....it's like I knew I loved the people around me, but couldn't feel the emotion, I felt like a psychopath....it was so frightening. Doing better now, but still like to check in with you as you always make me feel better....plus you can be really funny too :)

@valleygirlgg 4 жыл бұрын

of course they were nice! You are the son of a respected doctor! Glad you got good care

@adriancottee9284 6 жыл бұрын

it is so powerful to hear a man speak about the vulnerability in such a dark place in there life.

@darrenosborn4863 4 жыл бұрын

Finally a man made a psych ward video.. thanks for doing it. I have been their a few times.

@rebeccas8054 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for such an honest and vulnerable video about a psych ward. Most of the videos are so negative, but the way you describe it I can connect with. It isn't the place or the treatment, it's the people who work there that make the difference

@rebeccas8054 6 жыл бұрын

And of course I admire how open and strong you are :) Keep that up!

@cochristian62 6 жыл бұрын

I was just treated to a really cool psych ward called Harborview mental health unit. I had a warm and fuzzy time, about three months. Of course I didn't want to be away from home where I was and still am wanted to be there. Everybody was so friendly and so unique. I was able to get a vegan menu and the snacks were great. We had lots to do there. Thank you for your video. You helped me remember how special this whole experience was and is.

@lisalogon1737 8 жыл бұрын

so similar, im 3 weeks sobre after several relapses, i waw 5 yrs sober before that!, im going back to rehab as Ive must have triggers i havent identified, but watching your vids have inspired me, thank you

@mellyc4958 9 жыл бұрын

So grateful for you and this video. You helped me put words to my psych ward experience. We made it out alive, life is so worth it ☺️👍💜

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

I love this comment. All for 1

@noneyobuisness9993 7 жыл бұрын

I was in a mental facility for a week to help battle my severe anxiety and panic disorder. I signed myself in but as soon as I got in I tried to get out. They wouldn't let me out for 72 hours and I tried my hardest to leave. Threaten to sue etc. My first day I literally boycotted everything. Second day I met other patients and connected. I started participating and ended up staying longer than the 72 hrs for myself. I still deal with panic and anxiety but I'm glad I went. I always say that it was one of the worst/best experience of my life. The patients and nurses made my stay so much better. I made life long friends from people I judged before I even met them. It's hard but these facilities are there to help us with mental illness

@merrimullinax 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I did not have the same experience during my stay. Spent no specific time with a professional to gain anything to work upon to figure out how i got there, but knew enough to know that there were others along side me that were way worse than me. For better or worse you say, I don’t know...the food was decent and I made a few really nice people, as far as patients are concerned. We, sadly, were moved around like cattle from room to room, and as it was the best that the staff could work with. They were severely understaffed. I was placed under hold as I woke up in my garage, with my car running and had taken every maintenance meds that I had in my possession. There were notes all over my dashboard to friend, family and text had been sent that I, oddly enough had no recollection or ever sending! The only thing I remember was that I had had a really really bad day at work the day before, and that I was going somewhere. I cleaned my house like I was going somewhere. I woke up in my pjs, in my cranked car, in my garage...alone and very unsure what was going on. I called 911, taken by ambulance and the rest is down hill from there. I am not a selfish person, and would like to think that I wouldn’t hurt anyone, especially family, but knowing what that did to my Mother, her receiving a call, not telling her anything except that I was taken there....to this day, it breaks my heart! I have always struggled with depression (and it’s got to be in my genes bc my life life is pretty f*cking good compared to some), but The was something that had a hold of me and I couldn’t just shake it. I’ve never actually talked about this....feels pretty good too. Thanks!

@Rezparviz 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you buddy.. I am watching your video as I feel completely without hope.! I don't know what's wrong with me anymore .. I am tired . Sick and tired of me. I feel like my cat does not even like me.. All I want to do is sleep. I can't sleep very well. Thank you for the video. It made me feel like I am not alone.. Be blessed brother . God bless

@imreallydead.23 8 жыл бұрын

Cat probably doesn't like you.......but that's what cats are like get a dog

@romaxoxo1961 9 жыл бұрын

You are so, so brave. And I'm so happy you found the will to live. Did you ever, ever think at that time, that you would be able to inspire so many people? Did you ever think you'd come this far? It's so, so amazing that you made it through that. Like I said before, my DP has been really bad again. Haven't been able to go outside. But you know what, you motivate me with these videos! You show me that maybe one day, I'll come far too. Thank you for sharing this, I know it must not have been easy.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Roma xoxo This subject does scare me pretty bad and I have avoided talking about it for years but I am so glad I did. I never thought I would come this far nor did I ever consider sharing my expereince could benefit anyone at the time but I was wrong. Always challenge that voice of doubt in your head no matter what negative things it says to you. You can overcome and you have made wonderful progress despite set backs. Stay close!!!

@romaxoxo1961 9 жыл бұрын

bignoknow Sometimes its good to talk about the things that scare you and this is one of those times. Who knows how many people your experience has helped! Also thank you for noticing my progress. :) Means a lot when someone points it out.

@andrewiglinski148 5 жыл бұрын

My dude... I've been through something similar.... I'm praying for you stay tough

@JillianNoelle 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to it so much. I remember feeling numb an apathetic an just wanting to die when i was first hospitalized..

@kimsheldon8517 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your compassion & sharing.

@Midlife_Manical_Mayhem 8 жыл бұрын

my husband just spent 4 days in the ward. he went voluntarily as he was not in immediate danger, but it took a lot of convincing from several people. he cried himself to sleep the first night. we were only allowed to visit for 1 hour on tues, thurs and sat in the cafeteria. he had been treated previously by our rural mental health center and they were not doing an adequate job. finally he got on a better med (he's schizophrenic paranoid due to a head injury) and came home actually feeling happy. its been 5 days now and he's struggling. we went in public today and he felt very scared and almost wanted to go back to the hospital. we are setting up therapy tomorrow to help him learn to cope. he felt his experience was positive and was glad he did it. thanks for sharing your story.

@theculturewatch2414 8 жыл бұрын

+TheLaydewlf He's lucky to have a wife like you to stand by him.. hope all works out for you and your family Namaste

@Midlife_Manical_Mayhem 8 жыл бұрын

thank you. we are a team and take care of each other. that's what a marriage is suppose to be. he's my best friend.

@tanianigelwade8935 3 жыл бұрын

You sharing your experience is brave. I have been in mental health hospital many times. But I have bipolar disorder. But times have changed, things are better in there. Don't let it be scary. Were greatful your alive too. Xoxo God bless you all. 😘😘😘😘❤❤❤🙏🙏❤❤❤ It was scary the first time but better the rest. Positive experience. Chin up. Find my strengths in God.

@achandathany 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video. It actually helps many people ❤

@danijeanes5078 6 жыл бұрын

I use ur videos to get out of bed each day. Cry a while then then get on with each second. Minute. Hour. No days off. The most important thing you tell me is the always the last thing... That You are sorry people are suffering and genuinely care. I need to hear that. That's why I keep watching. Thank you

@VinVlogger 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience. I know it was hard to share.

@onepurpleflower8910 6 жыл бұрын

I love your honesty!

@Contessa998 5 жыл бұрын

You are amazing! Love this and you

@A_Psych_Nurse 2 жыл бұрын

great story brother--those of us working in mental health often forget what it's like for someone who's first admitted to a psych ward--and as you kind of alluded to i think it's particular frightening for someone who has a milder psych diagnosis to be around those w/ severe mental illness (not that depression/suicidality isn't severe. . .but it's A LOT different from schizophrenia). Makes me reflect back on some of my interactions w/ other clients and now im thinking, "man i should have given them a little more support in these areas" thx for sharing this--takes A TON of courage to share something so personal

@BigHosMan 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration.

@feliciawest2578 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing this.❤️

@christopherdettore7572 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I recently had a bad reaction to allergy therapy and it has sent me into a spiral that I’m still in. I was recently diagnosed with Low free testosterone and I’m on my third day of Andro Gel therapy. I was taken off of all of the meds that I was on except Klonipin which I’m having bad reactions to. Your story has really spoke to me.

@jacosam62 7 жыл бұрын

Hearing the fact that your woman stayed with you before you went in and is still with you after all this time, is proof that I need to stop holding on to my ex that wasn't there when I got out of the hospital. Five days in ICU, five days in the psychiatric ward. A month prior to my suicide attempt, I was prescribed antidepressants to take the edge off of my anxiety. Me being new to taking medication, it made my anxiety a lot worse and made my depression plummet. On April 22, 2016, I felt as if I didn't have a care in the world. I had just watched the suicide documentary on the Golden Gate Bridge and I remember telling my girlfriend that I wanted to leave and so I started packing all of my stuff in the car and she had called my dad telling him I was about to leave the state and all this other shit. On April 22, I remember going back to my dad's place, but I was so high on the medication, the moment I left my girlfriend's house to the moment I attempted suicide on April 23rd, it was all a blur. April 23rd, bought a fifth of Jim Beam, grabbed the rest of my antidepressants, went off into the woods, chugged the Jim Beam, took the pills, and then chugged the rest. Next thing I do, I'm sedated in ICU for five days, but the whole time I'm asleep, I'm having real-life dreams. Like I went off into another world where everything was my fault and everybody was out to kill me and all this other shit that tripped me the fuck out. Five days go by, I wake up in the psych ward asking the nurses when I'm gonna be murdered, that's how real those dreams felt when I was in ICU. Anyway. Five days in the psych ward go by, I get out, girlfriend blocks me from everything, won't even give me face-to-face closure, I have a financial setback, move back in with my dad, annddddd here I am four months later, still thinking about her and why she just left me. Best relationship, I treated her better than anyone ever could or will, we always went out of our way for each other, and bam. I hit rock bottom and she leaves. A few weeks after I got out, the break up really hit me. Everywhere I go, everything I do, memories are there. And what did I start doing? Drinking. Drinking to numb the pain that she just got up and left. Anyway. Four months go by and here I am now, still struggling with booz, and I've even tried coke twice, just so I could try forgetting about her, but the pain is always here when I'm sober. I still do my own thing, I still lift five times a week, etc, but I feel this pain is gonna take a lot longer than I intended it to and I already know she's over it and has moved on to another guy. I need more people like you in my life, people I can relate to. It helps tremendously.

@Lo2smoove 7 жыл бұрын

Sam Jaco I love you

@rightcoast4983 7 жыл бұрын

Sam Jaco I hope you're doing better now my friend. Breakups suck, but time definitely makes it easier. The hardest thing I ever went through was when my child's mother left me. We were together for 5 years and it wrecked me completely. But after a while you realize that it just wasn't meant to be. You move on. It's been 2 years now and while I do still love her, it doesn't bother me anymore. I hope time heals that pain for you.

@GracefulTransformation 6 жыл бұрын

Sam, ive been through a lot of very hard times but the one constant, the one who never leaves is Jesus. He loves you and me. He has a plan for your life and He will heal your wounds. Trust me. Seek Him. He has done so many awesome things in my life. He is good and He is real. God bless you.

@kamehamedouken8869 5 жыл бұрын

My ex wife left me in the middle of a long bout with depression. She said she fell out of love with me and met someone new. I'm still dealing with that rejection and heartache, 11 years later. It gets better. You have to endure and rebuild yourself from scratch. Great deal of prayer and focus on the bible has helped too

@nathan-hq2jw 4 жыл бұрын

Sam Jaco wondering if those dreams are what life after death by suicide is like scares the shit out of me.

@Rosumisorimu 9 жыл бұрын

Amazing video! This is exactly what depressive people need to see, so they can realize that no matter how super horrible the present may be, it can get better. They need to know that it's not them, it's their illness speaking... so major conclusion is - don't lose hope and NEVER GIVE UP! :)

@Rosumisorimu 8 жыл бұрын

+Fᴏs Pᴏᴛᴀᴍɪᴀ You are absolutely the most hypocritical, disgusting, two faced liar I've ever met on youtube, and I met a lot of those trust me. I think I'll be ignoring you from now on. There's no point in talking to you, you are a helpless pathological liar.

@fire4breakfast 9 жыл бұрын

Powerful message man, thank you so much

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

fire4breakfast It's been a gift to be able to share my truth with the world, thanks for the kind words.

@ryanpratley3412 4 жыл бұрын

its ironic that i have cleaned in a hospital for 11 years(including the mental heath unit) and now i feel like i might end up as a patient there....

@adabelyuka2640 7 жыл бұрын

we love you man

@donnakeeley7924 6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for doing what you do. You helped me tonite from going under the spell of suicide. I don't know if anyone will understand this coming from a 65 yr old woman. I'm a grandma and everyone knows that grandmothers have their shit together. But for the past couple of years I've fallen off that razors edge that I try so very hard to walk. A few years ago I was put in state hospital because I was so depressed, heartbroken and homeless. The only thing my family cares about is that I don't contact them ever again. So I am without family or anyone who cares about me. I also am dieing with leukemia and I just want it all to go away. I have no friends or support system and I just don't have the energy or desire to have any friends. You love them, and they leave, so I don't care. I'm alone, broke and broken. I can't even afford counseling. So I set here sleepless listening to music and crying over senseless crap and because I'm alone, broke, and losing the ability to take care of myself. I know I need help but if I reach out for help, I have no one to take care of my cat and dog. I can barely take care of them but without them, I am totally alone and I couldn't bear it. So, I am stuck. My memory is effected, can't remember to take my meds or even eat. When I sleep, I sleep all day and wake up in the dark. I have missed so many appts that I just quit making them. Keep telling myself that I'll go see my Drs and take care of business when the fog lifts... Another month passes... I'm just wondering when it will end, this crazy life I'm living?

@GracefulTransformation 6 жыл бұрын

Donna, dont give up. God loves you. Seek Him out. Go to some of your local churches and seek assistance but even more than just going to the church, seek Jesus. Talk to Him. He is able to turn your situation around. God bless you.

@77ponch77 5 жыл бұрын

Donna telling your story helps...you and others...take care of those pets! They need you! I hope you are doing better. God bless you

@JOHNPJORDAN50 2 жыл бұрын

Donna, I understand. I hope you are feeling better. Your story is very much like mine. God bless you

@jasonhalkyard3741 8 жыл бұрын

Your a big beautiful human that feels too much.. that isnt a bad thing. Your not alone brother . Much respect

@bignoknow 8 жыл бұрын

+Jason Halkyard I like how you put that. Thx Jason.

@lisawinters4681 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you to your mom for taking you there, I know that was a hard step for her also... I have been to the same hospital you were in and I am so thank for everyone that was there to help me thru the dark time I was going thru. But I also thank my family for taking me there. I still drive be the hospital almost everyday and loon up at the 5th floor and think about the people that are there and say a prayer that they to will be given the strength to make it thru like I did. I still battle everyday with me dark demons and my addictions. I am so happy to say that I am 5and half years clean but it is still a battle everyday!!! But I want to thank you for sharing your story.

@frostgfx 8 жыл бұрын

Sometimes when things get that bad... admission to a locked unit is a great way to reboot your brain and body so you can find your way out of the condition you are in. Always sign in as Conditional Voluntary admission so your can get out in 3 days, unless the unit psychiatrist takes you to court because they feel you need more time.

@nenanieves10241 6 жыл бұрын

I'm a social worker and studying to take my license exam. I was looking for a video on the manifestation of depersonalization and derealization and came across your videos I've seen three so far and I honestly am overjoyed that you have overcome such a difficult moment in your life and I'm so grateful that you are so transparent and so vulnerable on your channel. Thank you for sharing your experiences, feelings, and thoughts. I pray that you reach so many people who are going through anxiety and depression and that they find relief and hope. God bless you and your family.

@Bzdi138 9 жыл бұрын

Great video! This channel is really insightful.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Bzdi138 Thx so much for the kindness.

@hishamsaadat3139 3 жыл бұрын

It's all about your attitude about it , that can happen to anyone regardless of one needing to be there or not , I got sent there with parents that's didn't want to put up with someone suffering from anxiety symptoms but I know that people worry and not everyone will understand , luckily got myself out the next morning and kinda been dependent on benzos ever since .

@bark55 9 жыл бұрын

I was there myself same amount of time as you a year after my brother committed suicide. I was visualizing myself doing the same as he did. A lot of heart broken, drug addicted, good hearted people who had just been going down a very rough road. It was a Good experience for me as well. Gave me time to grieve the loss of two brothers and to connect with others who were suffering greatly.

@bignoknow 9 жыл бұрын

Bark Thank you for sharing this.

@SusanH-CatLady 6 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad that helped you. I had a babysitter several times in this experience that would sit beside me. I was terrified, they went through my purse and took every single thing out who wrote down on a piece of paper what I had. Then the only other thing that happened was monotonous silence.I kinda was happy at first, as I thought I would have somebody to talk to. No talking, no shoe laces , no bra, tied to a table, body cavity search, staring up at a rubber light. I did want therapy . I did want help. And what they did for us, was we went in a circle in the mornings in our gowns, as we were not allowed to have clothes. We got an apple. And we were asked what our goal for the day was... And I didn't know what to say, I said my goal is I want to be happy & have peace. And then sent back to my room for the next 23 hours with my mute babysitter. Expensive and no quality therapy. It made me overthink things. I was released into the custody of my brother, who could have cared less & took me home and left me. I also relate to what you said about night time. I still am sometimes so sleep deprived and I have so many physical issues now, even though I feel I'm doing much better emotionally but I'm struggling with. And the strange thing is I can be so sleep-deprived and tired & need to go to bed and hate night time. Very weird! I used to be horrified & never have shared my experience and honestly this is the first time I ever have. But you kind of get to a point where you really don't have much else to lose LOL. I would still encourage people to go, because I'm sure there are more quality places. But I know there are good places.. God bless the people that work there and want to help others. God bless you 🙏 I'm so glad you're doing better. Thank you for helping others. ☮️

@burga9061 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the support man. I am just kinda pissed I was high I really didn't feel like it but oh well. Yeah I'm hoping it will just take some time. I hadn't felt any real anxiety for once so it sucks to switch. For once in my life I felt kinda normal lol

@sbonesch 8 жыл бұрын

I'm glad your experience in a psych ward was overall a positive one. I think my experience would have been positive. But they had me on so many meds, and switching them so quickly it made my suicidal tendencies much worse (i.e. what happens with the "black box warnings" on SSRI labels). If it wasn't for God I'd be dead by now. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope lots of people will be helped by it.

@jamestaggert4361 7 жыл бұрын

welcome back!

@lizzysoochit3128 4 жыл бұрын

U are very strong I am proud that u can explain how much pain it is to be mentally ill each day is a battle to live I know I have been going through this in my life an it is very difficult especially when u are a parent an a wife this disease take alot a way from your life I understand your feelings but I know no matter hope hard it is to fight an be strong it hurts to be feel differently I know we have to keep strong but could i ask u could u share a video of how do u deal with your sexual life in this situation because antidepressants take away your desires so how do u cope with that

@Ghost-mm9kc 8 жыл бұрын

Right on brother, and thank you

@swishablowa420 8 жыл бұрын

You are not alone. I remember looking out that window every afternoon at Central High School just hoping those kids would never have to feel the same pain. These places really should let people go outside once a day though. Its not healthy being trapped like a prisoner when u have mental health issues. The outdoors is a good thing...

@Sparkk0 6 жыл бұрын

The most common trend I see in every Mental Health educational video or website is to talk about your experience. Like you, I talked about it. And, like you, I was involuntarily committed against my will. So, why talk about it? Fuck that. I now have PTSD from that experience. My sadness from that isn't exactly from how I was mistreated but how they mistreated other patients. Ironically, an elderly woman that had it the worst didn't know her name but would maintain a sense of right and wrong. She was resistant to the staff because she knew what they were doing was wrong. Every avenue to seek justice on the matter doesn't work.