I went through all these phases. It was soo, soo hard and unless someone has done this and experienced this. They can’t understand. I have been here almost 20 years now. I’m raising my bilingual kids, am active in my community but still every so often, in a quiet moment, I think how the heck did I end up here. This is neither a positive or negative statement. Just amazement. Even after 20 years here, I am happily integrated but not German. Yet, when I go back to the States, I don’t fit in there either any more. That can be unsettling but then again....I am open and flexible enough to make my “home” anywhere. No, your homesickness will never leave you, even while being completely content wherever you are. And that is ok. I love watching your videos. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

I love the way you explain both the negative and the positive feelings and experiences as an expat. You are so real.

I'm so glad to come across your video.I moved to Germany 7months ago and I'm now at stage 2.I must say this is a real struggle and I hope I can get over this stage.Happy to know that other people go through this as well.

Thank you thank you for this! I'm in the crying all the time depressed stage now. A woman at my children's school yelled at me until I cried because I had parked incorrectly. The grocery store check-out woman threw my bread to the ground because I didn't bag fast enough. People here don't smile and ALL of my jokes end with crickets chirping. I love so much of what I've found here, but the difference in culture is tactile. So tough. Thanks for this video, and for the hope ahead.

Dear Antoinette. Compliments to your attitude. ❤️Every abroad living person go through this feelings. My parents came from Croatia in the 70s to Germany. My mom couldn't speak German so I couldn't speak German when I came to Kindergarten. In school I learned more German and my German language became my mother language when I was 10 years old. Not Croatian anymore. To day I am 40 and have double citizenship. My daughter don't speak Croatian. She's German girl. She's very good in English and want to take French as a second skill. My parents learned German very fast. Of course they don't speak grammatical perfectly. But fluently. Do practice German. Many immigrate (i don't like this word) people even don't speak after years German. That's for people like me (German with foreign backgrounds) just embarrassing. Many Turkish or Balkan or Italian after 40 years of working here also don't speak German! I know some personally. My brother in law (he's Hungarian) after 7 years now living and work in Germany don't speak or even understand good the German language. My husband told him a few days ago he's ignorant. That's also my opinion. He has Family with kid and work for family but until today he has everything in his Mother language. TV menue. Books... Everything. He will never get a better payed job when he doesn't change his behavior and attitude (Einstellung). This is not the way people learn the lenguage when living abroad. To joyn only their own people and watch only their TV? I don't get this. My parents always told me, anywhere where I want to live, learn language and respect culture and law. I'm a paralegal BTW. Sorry if my sound is to direct. Especially in school this is always a topic. ❤️You are totally right when you say, "I live here and have to make natives as friends, visit a language school, and learn with my child the language. That's important." Otherwise you make a wall around yourself. My mom learned language from other mums, had different cultured friends, wached local TV etc. And don't have fear of practice. My tips for you😁 Don't give up. You will be proud of yourself 👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️

i had thet lightbulb turning on in my head when i learned english, it was the moment when i stoped translating english in my head and started to understand english as it was, shortly thereafter i realized that i was actually capable of thinking in english and didn't have to fall back onto german at all anymore even when the person speaking had a heavy accent.

This Video helps so much. I’m from Germany and live in London since 7 month now and I’m in Stage 2 right now and it’s just so good to know that this will get better🥰

My dear Antoinette Emily 😍. I would really love if you just behaved as you like ❤ !Because here in Germany we are so much blessed by people from other cultures. I really love people from other countries. So please don't adapt to this but instead bring your own culture to us. We all benefit from that!

I really value your opinion on this. When I moved to South Korea I completely fell apart. It was impossible for me to integrate because I got physically injured and the army wouldn’t help me get the medical care I needed. I was at the acceptance stage before my knee made me immobile. I had to fly home to Arizona for physical therapy, leaving my kids behind with my soldier husband. Oh, it was so lonely without my family, but I probably would not be walking today without that 4 months of medical care. Now I’m moving to Germany with just my husband as the kids have grown. I am facing the intimidation of going through all of these stages. It takes faith to step out in courage to move overseas again because of what happened last time. So thanks for your candid video.

Went through exactly the same as an Italian moving to Ireland, was depressed for three years, after my honeymoon period of about a year, then started to accept things, as I realised I can't change 4m people, I have to change! Now big reverse culture shock whenever I go back home!

As a german its nice to know that our required integration courses don't only help people learn to live here but also help them become happy here :)

Wonderful video! I moved from the US almost 1.5 years ago and have experienced stages 1-4 which you have described. You describe the stages well. It‘s interesting that there is a pattern of emotions that most or all expats experience.

Ein sehr offenherzigen und reflektierte Beitrag zum Thema Völkerverständigung. Danke!

Reverse culture shock: totally agree... Interesting in my case that I never experienced culture shock when I moved to Germany. I grew up bilingually in a German family in the US, and was well acquainted with Germany through our travels there visiting my mother's family. In fact, living in Germany was a childhood aspiration I had. So when I moved to Germany for graduate study, I already had a familial support system in place. Now, after having lived in Germany for over 35 years, there are are two key points I'd like to make: 1. The reverse culture shock gets worse with time....the longer I've been away from America the stranger it is to me. Riding trains in the US, dealing with banking, bureaucracy, the suburban strip mall sprawl, all that has become foreign to me. 2. The other side of the coin: after having lived in Germany for so long, as a bilingual, I considered myself a German, and it took me about 20 years to realize that I had disavowed and buried the American part of my being, with the support of my wife, for whom I was German, and who didn't want to have anything to do with the American side of me when I started rediscovering lost American friends and hobbies. She also refused to travel to America with me....this eventually led to the end of our marriage. Antoinette, I've just been going through many of your videos, which I enjoy very much. I was disappointed that the comment sections on some of your videos are already closed....in particular those on raising bilingual children. So please allow me to present my take on this here. Let me give you the punchline first, as far as your young family is concerned: you should, as you already are, stress the English development of your children as much as possible, and don't let up, even when they become teenagers! Here's why: My family in America spoke only German at home, and my parents were very strict about this, my brother and I learned English in our neighborhood, kindergarten and school. There was no English allowed at home until I was about 14, when my mom started working. My mother was German and my father had grown up bilingually in a German family in Canada. Today, my mother speaks both languages perfectly fluently, but has an accent in both languages (!), my father barely speaks any German anymore, and my brother, who also remained in the US, understands it perfectly, but is barely fluent in German anymore. In my case, since I still use both languages on a daily basis, have the better part of this deal, linguistically.... I can sound German to Germans, and American to Americans. Unfortunately, I could not raise my children bilingually, because I couldn't speak English to my wife's children, and speaking differently to mine than to their half-siblings was more than my bilingual mind could handle, among the other stresses of raising six children of different parentage. So stick to your guns, and, if I may suggest, there's no harm in your speaking more English with your husband (although, in your case, you may still want the practice for your German). Your situation is very like my mother's, who went to a faraway place for love and marriage, and gradually lost some of her native language skills.

Fantastic video! Loved it! Being a german I can absolutely understand all stages coz you've explained it more than good. I once had an english teacher. She originally was from the Netherland, had an husband from England and they moved a lot due to his job. They had also been in Italy and she spoke that language perfectly but somehow she never really started to learn german. She asked me one day how she could have a better connection to germans. She was a very open minded lady and so so so lovely but she had similar experiences like you had. She was wondering why she couldn't chat with her neighbour for example. Her neighbour was always so backtaken - at least that was her impression. I told her that in my opinion the language is the door opener. Most of the Germans do speak english but not all. Some people aren't so experienced in speaking it and are just too shy or afraid to make to many mistakes....so I still think the language is the door opener no. 1. Well done though. You've learned it and you've adjusted to the whole situation. That's great. I am happy for you that it all turned out so good. I think having such a loving and caring husband did help too ;-)

There is one thing that you haven't experienced yet and it will stay with you for the rest of your life: If and when you should move back to New Zealand, you will always be homesick for Germany, too. I lived in Taiwan in my 20s. Now I am 56. But I am always, always a little homesick for Taiwan.

Very honest / sincere video! 🧡 I do understand everything you talked about. Even though I‘m German, I moved for the sake of love 17 years ago. My home town is just 150 km from where I live now with my family but they are two very different cities. I come from a small village and moved to a suburb of one of Germany‘s biggest cities. Two worlds collided and I still feel homesick every now and then, especially when I visit my parents and best friends. But I‘m stuck in stage 5 now forever... after you return you realize there are things that are better in your home town but you miss your new town because there are also things that are better here now. And you don’t want to miss them since you got so used to it. I don’t think it‘s bad to experience a bit of homesickness because that way you always have the best of two worlds wherever you‘re going. And moving always makes you stronger as a person, you have to fight and learn and to make new experiences that let you grow... I‘m proud of you how you manage your life here in Germany. I know it will be hard sometime but you are lucky to experience a life not many are able to. Keep on going! Hope you will always enjoy it here!

Antoinette I’m so glad you reached the place where you are! One again I’d love to let you know that you make me feel like I made the right decision to move to Germany! I have been here for six months now and I feel so at home! I also feel like I can relate to some of the culture Schock! However not the majority of it for the length of time that I have been here. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!

Imagine a german would come to NZ and he wouldn't speak english expecting that the locals should speak german ! That guy will be the loneliest guy in NZ cause which Kiwi would or could talk german to him and accept his missing effort to adopt local culture and to learn the language. Pretty often english native speakers arrive in Germany with the wrong expectations living here and ignoring the importance of german language skills & personal improvements. They feel like a lucky alien landed in Germany and loving that germans can speak their language - no need to learn the language? Won't work - no one accepts that for longer than a few weeks. But fortunatelly you got the curve in the right moment ... before you might had lost more time, nerves, health. Home Sickness appears when you recognice the values and their weight of your Heimat, how good your homeland, clubs, family and friends were during childhood and are... And without german skills none of these can find eqivalent levels in Germany unless your language skills start to grow - by hard work of cause. The older you get the bigger the memories of your childhoold are growing, especially tunes you heard as child. Same happens to germans who move from north Germany to Franken like Nürnberg cause they do not know the bavarian dialect there, can hardly understand fränkisch, are viewed and treated as foreigners with their heritage from Ostfriesland, unconnected, isolated - until they start becoming a club member where they can show their strengths and helpfullness. That's the german way - for foreigners from abroad like you or native germans 200 km away and even bayrische Schwaben ...

An awesome description of going through the stages in Germany! I went through the same thing. Just last year I went through the last stage, where I do appreciate things about both countries!

I deeply understand what you mean, I grew up as an expatriate child in Germany and always had two loves in me. Later, life guided me to other countries (in one of them I met my wife and married) and now, at 57, I am living and working in my 5th country (Middle East) with my wife. So, I very, very much understand you. Btw, liked you reflection and honesty on the issue.

German in NZ and it is kinda similar the other way around. ( and also moved 9 years ago, lol) 1. Stage: This country is so pretty. It is December and it is warm and the birds are singing and there is so much green, and everybody is so nice. Also, pavlova! 2. Stage: I cannot trust those "nice people". And why don't they just let me fricking shop without talking to me? I have no friends here. The windows suck. I just wanna talk german, please. Nobody even can say my name right! 3. Stage: started uni. Made some friends. Started to understand kiwi culture a bit better. It's ok here, actualy. 4. Stage: second visit to Germany. People here are a bit too closed off, aren't they? And what's up with being so, so, so rule abiding when crossing the road? Free, unasked for water in the restaurant would be nice... 5. Stage: I think I about reached this one a few weeks back only. The first time ai was looking into the future and, well... My partner and i talked in the past about moving to Germw ny at some point and I always wanted that, but now? I think either country has its merits and demerits ( thohhgh I DON still miss my family). I think i'd be fine either way.

Thank you for making this video. My family and I are moving to Germany in a few months and I know that I will be going through these phases. I may have to rewatch this a few times in the next few months/years 😉

Antoinette, you don't know how much I can relate to what you say in this video (but a bit the other way around). I moved to Australia from Chile at age 27 many, many moons ago (33 years in fact). I was recently married to a Chilean, but his mother was English hence his idea of moving to Australia. I grew up in Chile, but bilingual German-Spanish, in a German styled home (my mother is German). I was recently married when first setting foot in Sydney and for the first year, I could not find a job in my chosen profession. My then husband found a position after a month and he was out working all day long and I was alone, at home, with nothing to do, knowing absolutely nobody else, little English, trying to get interviews lined up .. but nothing! After about 6 months, my sadness was extreme, I missed my family and friends back in Chile and I slipped into a very deep depression, to the point that I was not getting out of bed and just lay there watching TV all day. I had no-one to talk to all day long and nothing to do. Not long after, my short-lived marriage fell apart and then I was absolutely alone in this foreign country/culture. I ended up picking myself up, finally found work and things improved. Now, decades later, I still feel different to Aussies and still feel I don't belong in Australia .. but I don't belong in Chile either, something I realised in one of my latest trips to visit my family there. But I have a lovely grown up Aussie daughter from a second marriage and my life is in Australia .... but mainly because of her, because this country is her country. Due to my German upbringing, I share a lot of the character traits you describe of the Germans in Germany and I understand so well what you describe in all your videos. Great work!

OMG!!! I'm always wondering the same about German Windows! they are the best in functionality and i'm upset every time i want to open a window in the US or Belize and it doesn't open like the German ones! lol

I love your videos! I have just arrived in Germany a couple of days ago from New Zealand for a semester abroad. Your videos have given me a good idea of what to expect!

I REALLY needed this video right now. Thank you!!

I enjoyed this video :) I actually just got back from Germany. This was my second time there. I so relate to what you said about needing surgery. I feel like my mouth literally can't say things even after my German friend repeated them to like five times in a row. My brain would register the word and then when I tried to actually say it, it just wouldn't work right?! haha. I guess it takes a ton of practice. You are so strong for adapting to Germany like that. It doesn't sound easy at all! But I'm so glad it all worked out! Will be making my first cultural comparison video soon. I'm excited! haha

😇 Good to know information! This will get me ready for when I move to Germany. I know I will miss my family in the USA , but I have to remember I will make a new family in Germany as well as new friends! 😊💜

Hello Antoinette a great 2019 may you live in a happy new year,Happy new year New Zealand.I have never seen anyone who was able to realy get the german way as much a as you do Antoinette .yes we germans are not that easy, grew up with this word:better to have a diamond but a peace of coal,but for a diamond you may have to dig a long time. You started digging and you will find that diamond and we are with you

Beautiful open and honest video! Thank you for that! ♥️

How about another video in German next time? Don't mind any mistakes. Just talk away.

I like this video very much. You are so honest and adorable. As a German I lived in South Africa for two years and I can understand your feelings.

I experienced culture shock going back to my home country, since I was 2 years old when I left! It was crazy! I wanted to move back to Germany for a long time!!

This is such a great video. You seem so lovely, I really enjoyed the way you expressed yourself 💛

Thank you so much for another amazing video. I love this one very much because of your honesty. I made the same experience while living 20 years in Sweden. You can only evolve if you learn the language and understand the people and talk to them and learn that there are differences - good and bad - but every country has its own culture with pros and cons. After so many years in Sweden I am happy to live in a country where I can speak my native language, but otherwise I feel a little bit like a stranger in my own country.

Unterhaltsam und informativ. Sehr gut! :)

Love your honesty! Keep it up.

very interesting! I really enjoy your videos and learn alot.

Very nicely explained and very true! Love the video:)

Let me talk about two stages of culture shock which I think come after your five. The first can happen when you move back to your place of origin (or move to a third place): reverse homesickness. This is something that hit me out of the blue but hit like a ton of bricks about four years after moving back from Germany. (In fact I don't think I had a homesickness as bad when I was _in_ Germany; maybe because we would visit home every six months.) And it wasn't just a longing for the place I lived in. When I was in Germany, our family used to go on excursions within a radius of 100 km every weekend, and I suddenly missed all of that. Since then, I combated that reverse homesickness with several visits to Germany, including two trips solely for nostalgia, during which I tried to visit as many of those locations from the weekend trips as possible. (If I could afford it, I'd go back for half a year to visit all the rest...) The most thrilling thing about it was that walking along the streets and bike paths and forest roads, memories would spring up which I'm positive I haven't recalled once in over a decade. But whether you stay expat or move again, with time, there is another stage of culture shock: when you realise that the place you left changed so much that it will never be the same as in your memories. I have this with Germany, too: the place I lived in was site to lots of construction work, the people now dress very differently, the cars are different, and weirdly enough so is traffic etiquette: at least in the region where I used to live, people (whether as pedestrians like myself or as drivers) no longer follow the rules 100%. However, before Germany, when I was a really small kid, we also lived in what is now Croatia for two years. I don't remember feeling a lot of a reverse homesickness for that place, but feeling that it changed beyond recognition during a return visit, hell yes. Which is understandable, given how much has changed: the wars, the ethnic cleansing, the massive modernisation, the supercharging of tourism development along the coast.

I love your video’s. Thank you so much. I ‘just’ moved from Germany to the Netherlands 20 years ago. And yes, still miss things from Germany. Things that I took for granted when I lived in Germany,

You explained things so well!! I’m definitely in Stage 2 of culture shock. But I have been seeing Germany through new eyes since my family has been visiting, so that is helping. Also thank you for validating that culture shock is REAL even when a person is moving from another westernized country to Germany. It is definitely very different from living in the US!!

Thoroughly enjoyed listening to your stages - not so much the depression part, though. I am glad your husband was so supportive. Just imagine he'd have been distant, shrugging and be like "it is what it is, suck it up". You wouldn't be you though if you weren't able to pick yourself up, good for you, and congratulations on immersing yourself into the language and the culture while making amazing friends! I experience "reverse culture shock" every time coming home from staying anywhere where people are more open and friendly than back home. The worst time was coming home after spending 5 weeks in Australia. The Swiss just seemed so unhappy and not warm / welcoming. Uuuggghhh!

Kiwi guy here. I'm inbound to DE this year and im so nervous and excited. Your video helped a lot as ive been to Germany for 3 months and could pick up a little of what you were putting down. I feel nz is a cheap knock off when compared to germany sometimes except in the nature department. I feel online german language tools to be helpful but i dont think im going to learn without immersion or a formal course like you took. Danke =)

Yeah, I only moved from Austria to Germany but I have to say, even after almost 16 years I still miss some of the food from my original home, even if I consider Germany my home now

Can you make a detailed video story/guide about your process of moving to Germany? The paperwork you had to file and the other such hoops you had to jump through before officially becoming a German citizen (for other expats going through the same process). Would appreciate it tons!

Great vid! How long did the second stage last? I'm going through that now.

This is interesting. I've experienced all of these stages from being from the northeastern U.S., but living in the west for several years. The U.S. is so big that culture shock can easily happen across regions.

SHARING MY THOUGHTS. WHILE MY REPORT IS NOT POSITIVE ABOUT GERMANS, MY ACTIONS ARE ALWAYS INTENTIONALLY POSITIVE. I THINK EVEN TRAVELLING WE HAVE TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND BUT ALSO BE CRITICAL OF WHAT WE FIND. I QUESTION MY OWN CULTURE TOO: Since you made this video on your culture shock in Germany, I give my bold contribution / perspective. As an Italian, my top culture shock factors in order of impact into my well-being are: 1) Germans are generally truly UNPLEASANT! (maybe due to inter-generational complete impairment in emotional intelligence). One example out of many: most of outsiders probably dealt with the seriously pathological obsession of the Germans with their language. They can really be rude and exclude you if you do not speak their language but most of them probably went to school and studied English as myself. I've been around and I know that when people are nice in their minds and hearts, language is no longer enough a barrier to prevent interpersonal connections (it's just work in progress). Just an excuse to discriminate on people for some superficial detail in their body features, not-enough German-way of thinking, origins, color of the skin, etc, etc (see point 4) 2) Germans are extremely NEGATIVE-minded. The famous half glass of water is always half empty and you're guilty until opposite evidence, rather than the way around! 3) Extreme SMALL-MINDEDNESS or PREJUDICE in every area you can possibly (dis-)select, pigeon-hole, marginalize someone or a behavior for.. 4) The life of Germans is driven by 3 factors 1) FEAR (xenophobia; suspicious, mischievous, mistrustful behaviors) 2) obsessive prioritization of personal “SAFETY”/””SECURITY” to a degree that affects those factors which stimulate inner-self growth. Can you imagine a bird who never stepped outside the nest because there is risk of falling over and dying? Or a gazelle which doesn't walk around the savanna because there are predators? Or a predator not going out because there may be competitors? Of course not, because risk is the juice of development in life. I guess not for a too small-minded being though. 3) PRACTICAL FUNCTION FOCUS. What matters is that you have your bank account, safe job, overall safety, car, etc. They give little or no importance to inner qualities, which require time, flexibility, mind-openness, good will and human interactions: as an animal kind our social animal organization and interactions helped us in history to win our battles, not (inner) isolation. 5) The EXTREME BEAUTY and ATTRACTIVENESS of German women outweighed by such extreeeeme unpleasance. As falling into the 3rd circle of hell! However is it just me or have others noticed the particularly high rate of pathological (visible) mental illness around Germans? 6) Blind SUBMISSION TO ESTABLISHMENT'S RULES. It's not that “the Germans love rules” as we know from the wrongly formulated stereotype. It is not SAFE not to follow them! That's all. They literally passively submit to the establishment's rules: you have to stop at the traffic lights when it's red for pedestrians, even if there are no cars around; you have to remove all the announcements and political notes around if you clean streets for the city council, not seeing that the community uses notes, stickers, etc to communicate. If the law says that you can smoke in an area, the Germans will smoke in that area, whether there are children around, or non-smokers, or whether they know that they are obviously intoxicating the air with 6000 and over toxins that you find in cigarettes! x n. of smokers per area, it's called stinky toxic cloud. Who loves rules would think... how many hours of our life do we waste waiting at traffic lights for people in cars to exercise their right to keep up with a very high footprint? Political corruption allows the subject of those rules to exist and compromise our habitats ...and we all pay a dear price for their liberties! They would think that they are harming those kids and stopped smoking. It's well exhibited in the cigarette packages that they do! No excuses. If they loved rules they'd add rules which are sensible even if not enforced by the law or the authorities. 7) Extreme MENTAL RIGIDITY. The limitations and failures of the Germans are acceptable and forgivable to the Germans, while the limitations and failures of others are intolerable to the Germans. If we think of the Gulliver Travels (by Swift) a deadly and costly battle was being fought to establish that the egg has to be open from one end rather than the other. I think rigidity indicates low IQ. Finding solutions with limited resources in different contexts shows high IQ in my opinion. Obedience makes order though, which whether ethical or not, it makes a group more coordinated towards a certain direction, although not necessarily connected. 8) The complete lack of SPONTANEITY of the Germans: that's so unnatural! No wonder you don't see that many happy faces among Germans. I do not know 1 German out or thousands or millions that I met in my life who does not take oneself seriously... who can let oneself flow into the unplanned situation of the moment and open up to it (so f***ing stiff!). One of those few sad places in the world where being spontaneously positive is so off-putting and stigmatizing to the local people. Imagine what a narrow sampling population of connections the average German has! You can only connect with them when they soak their brains in alcohol and chemically open up those behaviors a bit more or when their few survivor friends introduce them, or at the gym, or at work. Otherwise forget it. Flexible-minded (intelligent) people know that whether it's a bus shelter, at the supermarket, at a launderette, "randomly" on the street, you live locally or further (unless you live further than Pluto!) it should not preclude the potential of a good connection, which is “good” depending on how much you gain, as you deepen into it. Is the same daily soup more gain than exploring new flavors and perspectives? If Germans allowed themselves to be surprised they would see that no matter how long, frequently or far they travel their narrow minds will remain narrow if they don't choose to free themselves from those extremely invasive and impairing fears, negativity, ignorance and arrogance that rule their minds. They remain emotionally and mentally undeveloped. Which is my sad discovery so far, while living in Germany. I'm not a quitter though! :) 9) The Holocaust, the Aparteid, or recently the Troika (Southern-EU economic crash!) are historical events which happened and stay in the past. The mentality (key ingredients) behind those events are sadly still in the loveless nature of the Germans though. These ingredients are fear, prejudice, ridiculous complex of superiority! marginalization due to prejudice / discrimination, theft of resources, loveless attitude and behaviors, negativity. When people live in fear they consume more, when they consume more, “businesses love them”, but the consumers dig bigger holes in themselves over time, rather than working on the source: ignorance that causes those fears to rule their mind. The system loves it because through fear and isolation people become more desperate for filling inner holes. They go shopping, smoking, eating sugary junk, gambling, using drugs, etc. 10) The totally, unoriginal, stupid answer “NO” (I don't want to connect with you) "BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TIME” (meaning “FOR YOU!” ...even if we didn't even spend 1 minute together they already prejudged the whole experience of being around you). Not that hearing “no, I have a boyfriend!” sounds more extraordinary or intelligent, but seriously “I don't have time!” that German women often answer, when they bother answering! ...if they don't rudely just walk straight on I felt like answering “are you dead!?” Similar to the above description are the Brits, but in slightly different ways: with politeness (camouflaged negativity) and more "cool-behavior". Of course above it is literally a summary of all the responses to my always respectful attempts to connect with Germans (and Brits). Don't expect nice responses if you're aggressive or negative. I did meet exceptions to the above described stereotypical Germans, but these 10 points above are my (overall) culture shock at the moment. I can deal with the “bad weather”, with loveless-prepared food, life-wasting bureaucracy & the bureaucrats and with almost anything else, but when you're surrounded by complete Assholes, it's haaaaard to stay healthy & happy. That's in my opinion the worse aspect of Germany!

Stage 4 reminds me of a video (and mentions in various others) by Dana Newman (of Wanted Adventure).

Quite interesting, and moving !

I always dream to go to germany. I ever visit Holland 2016. Sometime I have a chance. Thanks for your information.

Well described, Antoinette :) there are many ups and downs on the rollercoaster of living in a foreign country and it takes a level of perseverance and resiliency that many will never understand. I had it very easy compared to you so I’m thoroughly impressed!

The story of the caterpillar🐛 who turned into a butterfly 🦋and suddenly found herself flying🎈

One year and a half for me in Germany and I'm at stage 2, but I also feel a bit of stage 4.

Hello Antoinette, only recently stumbled upon your channel, Moving to Germany has been something that has been on my mind for the past year or so now, I am from Manchester England. I'm contractually still tied in with my employer at the moment so I can't make the move just yet as through an apprenticeship, they sent me to university for my degree. Anyhow, I've just came back from a holiday in Hamburg and I'm hooked completely now and I want to make the move. The only thing that concerns me is it going to make landing a job in my career field almost impossible? My German is incredibly basic though the means of the "Duolingo" app. Also I wanted to book myself onto a course before I moved. I work as a construction professional in house building and I feel like hardly knowing the language would be the biggest hindrance, would I be in with a chance or securing a career? Thank you, keep up the good work, you're amazing! 😊 Declan.

Sorry for another ranty comment, but this video really brings up a lot of thoughts for me. Here is a slightly different route through stages of culture shocks which I gleaned from the experience of multiple people (mostly Americans in Germany!) whom I have known personally. Warning: it's a less happy progression, though there'll be a happy ending. Some people move to another country because they are fed up with some aspect of the culture, economy or society of their country of origin and found another country that does much better in that aspect. For these people, the first phase is a honeymoon phase, too, but they are already making strong efforts to not just integrate but assimilate, and they don't just feel well but start to act like proselytizers for their new country. What follows are phases which both include elements of your second phase. First they realise that there are a lot more subtle cultural differences than they expected, and are hit by a homesickness which they didn't expect at all; but they fight these immediately with even stronger efforts to integrate. But then, after typically a few years, comes the third and worst phase: the phase of disillusionment. This is when they realise that their idolised new country has its own unsolved structural problems, and at the same time, recognise that they can never be 100% assimilated. (I think this is a very American thing with clearly identifiable roots in post-WWII America. The construction of the interstate network and the parallel suburbanization and the shared experience of ex-GIs uniformed the USA to a great extent, thus people could easily absorb the cultural differences wherever they moved. People can even fully assimilate by adopting the local baseball team, some local food specialities and phrases. And that's what some American expats hope to achieve when they move to another country, too.) From there on, there can be two routes: either the person moves back to their country of origin, or finds "acceptance" like you did but this being a climb-down from his/her earlier idealism, it's a more sober state. I felt really bad when I saw the last of these acquaintances of mine going through these stages because I knew how it will go well in advance (right from when he started into the proselytizing stage) and couldn't do anything about it. It took him some five years until the disillusionment hit. He was fed up with people and wanted to move back home (to the USA). But it ended differently: just then, after several failed relationships, he found a German girl who was a real soul-mate (also having some expat experience) and now he is a very happy dad.

Antoinette, though I'm German, I can appreciate your feelings so much... New Zealand is a world away. What about a trip to the UK? Might it alleviate your homesickness? Or is it also too different? Love and hugs from Münster!

Oh yes, indeed. The honeymoon phase lasted from september to june, and then suddenly I saw all the bad reality. Luckily going home is easier for me. I am at stage 3 now :)

When you move to a foreign country, you've to learn main rules of the local culture and the local language. When you've done this 1st step, you have the basic to get better contacts to the local people. Especially the Germans are very reserved for strangers. You don't have to be a foreigner. So I can imagine, that you felt isolated and lonely. You can be lucky, that you live in franconia and not in northern Germany or Schwaben. A lot of persons say, that these people are cold, sometimes icy.

Culture shock is a subcategory of a more universal construct called transition shock. Transition shock is a state of loss and disorientation predicated by a change in one's familiar environment that requires adjustment. There are many symptoms of transition shock, including: Anger Boredom Compulsive eating/drinking/weight gain Desire for home and old friends Excessive concern over cleanliness Excessive sleep Feelings of helplessness and withdrawal Getting "stuck" on one thing Glazed stare Homesickness Hostility towards host nationals Impulsivity Irritability Mood swings Physiological stress reactions Stereotyping host nationals Suicidal or fatalistic thoughts Withdrawal

Du hast es in deinem Video angesprochen: Du hast lange Zeit in Deutschland verbracht, bevor du mit dem Erlernen der Sprache angefangen hast. Das hat mich an dein Video erinnert, indem du erzählt hast, wie du einen Sprachkurs machen wolltest und völlig blank reingegangen bist. Die Geschichte hat mich berührt und verwundert gleichzeitig. Aus meiner Sicht ist es schwer zu verstehen, wie man Monate in einem Land leben kann, ohne ein paar Worte der Landessprache aufzuschnappen. Oder ist das damit zu begründen, dass du, soweit ich mich entsinne, du vorher keine Fremdsprache erlernt hast und dir das Feld völlig neu war?

Just read the comment of "furzkram" and this brought me back to my first thought: Are you conviced that your process is complete now or are there some more stages to come? Guess, next stage is turning into a Bavarian first and the stage to follow would be to become a Franke or a Fränkin...

Is it just German language that you learn in the mandatory schooling for residency, or is it government and law stuff too?

Totally random question here. Has learning german affected your New Zealand accent in anyway?

Haha! I had to laugh when you said that you thought you had to have an operation on your tongue because I have often thought the same thing about me when I try to speak English. Antoinette, does that mean that all the nice and friendly people you ever met in Germany were exclusively non-Germans?

Lol, polnisches Bier bei 10:31. Gute Wahl, gutes Bier. Btw. nice video at all. Well done and understandable.

You dont look like a Maori :-) But i like what you told in that video. Me, as a german has no clue how it would be like to live in NZ.

Very interesting! Thanks for sharing! I think many Germans could learn from you, too! Not only the other way around!

Of course. Best is to start in October. So first love. Then not so nice. Then December! Don’t start with December, the next month are not so nice than this fairytale month… ;)

@5:56 On the other hand, if you have fake-friendliness what is it worth?

Have you ever been to the north of Germany? Like the Hansestädte? Just in case you would like to have a second cultural shock in the same country. 😃

That was an amazing video. I'm curious about stages 6 to 10.

Have you learned german in the time since the Restaurant incident?

Amazonia, Papua New Guinea, Mongolia..... Are they completely different from New Zealand?

When coming to a highly civilized Country of course there will be Culture shock;.. Never seen so much Culture all at once!

You should try living in a China as I did... OMG... even though I speak their language.

Hi. I have a questions: Do you speak now so well German, that you could find Germans, who are really(!) friends now to you? Can you make really, more complicate conversation? I am German and learned like every German English for many years and speak quite okay, but: From my best girl friend the husband is English and he can't speak German (I visit them very often in England) and I am very, very, very frustrated, because my English doesn't improve despite I speak a lot, for years now already, and I cannot start a real friendship with this very friendly husband, because when I want to start a really interesting conversation, mixed toppics, little interesting details what I experienced or see etc, so details, then in every sentence an important word is missing and I need to interrupt my attempt of saying a sentence and have to leave it, as this are always so essential words, you also cannot describe (umschreiben) them. Very often I use an online dictionary with my smartphone but that gives very often no clear translations or wrong translations. It's so frustrating. Very often it's also, that I want to say quickly something to a current situation but as I don't know the words, the situation passes by and when I've got my sentence finally together, the situation or the conversation has already changed and I have again to "swollow down" what I wanted to say. I also love very much to make jokes, that's part of my character, but that doesn't work in English at all. Humor in German very often works with sayings that expresses something with irony. Where from should I know ironic expressions in English? I am very often frustrated but have to hide this not to ruin the visit. Isn't that the same with you, that you can't get really friendships with Germans, as you don't know many details of the language and the millions of sayings? ...By the way, I moved "only" from Germany to Austria and experienced the same stages of culture shocks like you, also so intensely like you, in parts I have never got out of stage 2, as there was no partner or friend helping etc. and stage 4 reverse culture shock I am also very much experiencing and never ever had believed that before, as Austria is not so very different, but different enough, Germany feels very weird to me now. When I was young I heard in radio talks that the Turkish immigrants who lived already in the 80ies for half of their life in Germany neither feel as Germans nor as Turks, especially when they go back to Turkey. I just thought then "well, so what?" Now I know, how it feels, when you don't feel home in any country, no where. It's intense.

It's really great that you feel more home in Germany. I think it has a lot to do with the quality of your German. Your videos are really nice. Why don't you make a new video in german (perhaps with your lovely daugther) ?

Alles OK

12:05 You started singing in restaurants? 🤔 🧐 What were you singing? 😶

I am so lucky I found your channel months ago. I’ve always followed and learnt a lot. I got many things to talk about my experience of living in New Zealand but I like to wait more maybe ten years to get a better understanding of everything here. So far, I’d say Kiwis are NICE.

Any one who wants to live in Germany, Integration is very important if not you will feel lonely.

... and what happened to Rob ?? ... I don't from experience feel moving alone has the same degree of psychological issues ... it is worse.

NZ and Germany are culturally "completely different"? That's not true. If you were talking about NZ and Afghanistan or NZ and Tibet, I would have agreed. But NZ and Germany are basically both "Western" countries (even if NZ is in the Pacific) with a lot of similarities. NZ culture evolved from British culture, with the addition of some Maori influences. Brits and Germans (as well as other Europeans) are quite close, even if some people like to emphasise the differences.

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Do not be sad. The most germans know, that the german language is very difficult. And the most germans do not expect perfect speaking from you. And if you do not speak any german, most of the germans speak english, that ist really no problems. I said the most, but not all. Such people live in germany too, but I think that is an absolute minority.

I have experienced similar stages, I'm German and have lived in Australia and Scotland a year each, in some points I still have reverse culture shock/ getting annoyed at things back here in Germany, although I've been back for almost a year :D but I've found working in a multicultural company really helps (also with wanderlust) and I've also found appreciation in things I didn't see before :)

Oh my God, many expats talking about their experiences in Germany mention that they have/had this feeling that Germans are unfriendly or even rude. It always makes me feel bad although I THINK that I don't spread that vibe .

Germanic people are very work oriented. They don't socialize on the job.

You won't have any real significant culture shock if you move from the Netherlands to Germany, they are both Germanic. Poland is a whole different thing, they are slavic people. It's as alien to Germany as New Zealand is, so maybe not the best example xD. Anyway, 👍-up.

Some of the culture shocks you experienced are NOT the same for everyone moving to Germany. Especially not Europeans, please don’t generalize it. This over politeness is a New Zealand thing and American. This is specific to your country and not the other way around.

Tja, jedes Land ist anders!

Als ob man in anderen Ländern keinen Kulturschock erlebt...

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