Good info, how long have you been going through it?

Find a different one. Fearful avoidant is not worth it.

@@igorgulco6608Seconded. Fearful avoidant women should be avoided (ironically) at all costs by men. They deprive and starve you of the benefits femininity is supposed to award you in the first place. Why bid on a sick horse?

A secure person is not going to pull away without trying to understand. If you already care more about your own needs than you have curiousity to understand what's happening with her, you display an avoidant behavior too, so both avoidants won't make it long since both are busy only with themselves. A secure person does care about the other person's feelings, so the one will look for ways to understand the reasons behind this pulling away behavior. But true though, avoidants would not care much and will be too scared to even address the issue

I feel insecure and pull away from an avoidant because he comes across as not wanting me.

Thanks for this insight

Yeah, this is blatantly false. Avoidant types will keep pulling away precisely because you're a healthy attachment style and that makes them feel "unsafe". That has nothing to do with levels of attraction.

@@robertdeskoski9783 With all due kindness, I am not sure you read or understood my comment. Also, avoidants can be hypersensitive and notice things that are unbalanced in others even though those people "think" they are secure. I mentioned nothing about attraction.

​@@og8425: 100% read and understood your comment. Avoidants are hypersensitive to things that aren't actually happening, by engaging in flaw finding and by misreading their own emotions (because they're not connected to them and lack good usage of their right brain cortical structures more associated with intuition, emotion, and bullshit detection). This is why avoidants are notoriously bad at making decisions and more severe avoidants find it very difficult to follow pursuits consistently outside of a work environment or an academic achievement environment (often, they were encouraged to achieve because their parents were otherwise cold). Because they lean heavily on the analytic side of their brain *without mitigating measures that people with good usage of both types of structures have*, their intuition in any sense is quite flawed. Source: 'Trauma and the Avoidant Client'. It's one the handbooks psychologists use to treat avoidant attachment: It's great read and offers interesting insights into how resistant this attachment style is to treat, as it's self-reinforcing. (I've read many books on the topic and am studying psychology, so please tell me more about what you know and list your sources, because I hear about this avoidant "sixth sense" from other people who are avoidantly attached online but who can't find their emotional proverbial ass with both hands.)

Ok what about if she flirts then goes cold then comes back again and try’s to be her self this girl she been like this one day she compliment my outfit the best she is serious then the next she seems to try to be the same as before I don’t chase her I’m not needy I hold my position 😮 but is annoying she switch fir example today she is acting normal but yesterday we were talking and was touching my arm n rub it 😅 but today she is normal n don’t talk like before I’m about to walk away I dint got times for games n I dint want to be rude

What about long term relationship she start pull away, do we let her go ?

Iì

@@fj4731 Yes.

@@fj4731yes

Good one. I wish I understood that earlier

Spoken like a straight BOSS, phantomvox951. That is just what I needed to hear at this moment. I appreciate your comment.

Sometimes we love to tell ourselves stories about women, which can really cloud our judgement and world view.

Nooo just no calling. You call her only when things are going well, when it's all sweet and fun and all. When she pulls away she wants nth from you. Doing anything at this stage only serves to irritate her. I've learnt this the hard way.

This just happened to me as well.

And watch her apartment from your car with binoculars.

@@jimdandy8996 i was pretty bummed with my situation until I saw this 😂

@@jimdandy8996exactly lol

@@jimdandy8996cheating 😊

@@jimdandy8996 Nah that's stalker shit. Get help man.

That's what women may say to friends or online. But what they actually want and do is not this at all .

And then be in the friend zone. FOH

F that. I had no issues showing her how fast I could stop caring. Some of them didn’t know I had it in me. If she starts that pull-away crap, see ya.

Oh boy. I definitely would not say that unless you want to get ghosted. Head up boys none of that ish

IbuprofenPill you are a BOSS and I’m going to act exactly verbatim like you describe. The opposite of how I reacted in the past to her pulling away after an initially fun, stimulating, flirtatious and promising first few extended interactions. I can see now just how weak and pathetic I must have appeared in an attempt to stop her pulling away. I wish I had this information 12 months ago, I would probably have actually been able to be choosy about who I really wanted the most. Damn, what a loss of the opportunity to to bag multiple potential girlfriends. Not going to lose one more chance for a mutually beneficial romantic relationship to such amateur folly as prematurely freaking out or overreacting to a chick’s pullback. I ain’t going out like a needy simp even one more time.

My gf of 9 years broke up with me came back and broke up with me again and then broke up 3rd time and came back and this 4th time she pull away again saying she love me ...what should I do ?

​@@fj4731what is wrong with you? I hope this is some kind of joke

Good advice, but it also risks doing something very bad, that being swinging to another partner and repeating the same mistakes. Sometimes it's better to wait, sit with the experience, and learn from it through meditation and conversations with friends or a therapist. The most growth I ever did was when I was single.

I know you're not that fucking stupid. If you DO NOT hear back 4-6 months you never look back. No contact = no contact FOREVER. C'mon man! I thought you knew!

I disagree, I think what this guy said it was a pretty good approach

I agree with you...disengage, let her come to you but be mindful...it's a power game between wills...yours & hers

Have her see you out on the town with a hot escort - she'll have no idea who that chick is.

This, as the video said, is a perfect example of a catastrophic thinking.

If you call her asking her why she pulled away, that is needy. Do not do that, she’ll deny she’s pulled away and you’ll be left in the awkward area of coming across as needy and her telling you there’s nothing wrong.. This would only work with someone you’ve been in an actual relationship with not someone you are seeing or dating..

My girl of 9 years used to blame not wanting sex due to menopause, which is the perfect gaslight. I always wondered if someone else was getting her affection. Ever felt that? Now, I'm free from that inner turmoil. At peace.

Hey, at least it sounds like you learned your lesson :-)

Did she reach out?

+no romantic feelings

What was her age, just curious?

25

@marcleroux3426 Thanks. I noticed that the girls I've dated who were approaching age 30 (25 - 28) started to apply pressure to have kids, and I don't respond well to pressure. I actually start moving slower. One ghosted me after 2 years, and the other one left and had a kid with someone else. I was the reason they went cold, but I'm okay with that. Things should feel natural, especially to have kids. But, if they have a recurring topic they bring up that you're not feeling, there is definitely an end date to the relationship no matter the age. 🤣

Women started all this nonsense Did you listen what this guy was saying ?

I'm gonna take a shot at this (despite not knowing your situation, this might be more appropriate if you've had a fair bit of contact), it might not be what you are looking for or from whom, but here we go: I would apologise, and here's the key part, *without* expecting them to get back to you, respect you more, come back and start something up again, etc. Assuming that the bridge is burned and owning up to your actions for You, that is a strong place to be. That is a place where we start feeling respect for ourselves and can start forgiving ourselves for what we're ultimately upset or disappointed in ourselves for. And move forward. I would have appreciated a message that said something similar to this: "Hi. I want to apologise to you. I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately and I've realised that I became needy, over reacted and that I messed things up with us. I'm sorry about that. I liked you and I apologise that I let my fear get the better of me. In hindsight I can see that I could have communicated this with you differently. I could have just talked to you about it. I want you to know that I'm working hard to make some changes, to get better tools, in order to make sure this doesn't happen again in a different situation. I really appreciated the time we spent together and I hope you're well. I think you're awesome. Take care,... " And then you Let Them Go. And remember that even if they respond with kindness, that does not equal a romantic future, so if you're not sure what a response means you can always ask for clarification. This cannot be used (and this is going to sound harsh) as a manipulation tactic. If you do, the other person will feel it, it will become incredibly clear and instead it will feel icky and creepy. You actually have to mean what you say and stand by it. So you go into it with no expectations, despite your hopes. That is the best advice I have on this. I hope it helps. (And if you are dealing with a person that sees vulnerability in the form of sincerity and owning up to our crap as weakness, then you deserve better. You are clearly here working on things.) Cheers!

Stop all contact. Let her contact you! If she still has attraction for you, she will reach out. When she does, make a date! If she never contacts you, you have your answer. No amount of stalking her will change her mind

Work on healing your attachment style (anxious preoccupied, attachment theory). Then you pull back and give her a ton of space. Don’t react to your urge to reach out and regulate your emotions. Got to give these women space so they can recalibrate

No. Just no. Learn from it and manage it better next time. Once respect is gone, it's gone, unless you become some rich cool dude and she comes to know of it, and initiates contact. Otherwise, no, just no.

I don't know the full context. However you chasing her never ends well if she wants her space and you're not allowing her to have that. Whatever reason she has for disliking or not wanting to speak with you, it doesn't matter. No apologies or anything, just drop the train of thought and move on with yourself, you can leave the door open for them to contact you. Allow them to reclaim their space and peace. If she is sentimental about the qualities you have or time you had together, she can reach out if she wants to reconnect/reconcile. Otherwise again, just forget about it and move on. If you are habitually/obsessively attached to looking if she is online or looking at her social media, cut out that habit. In time and while pursuing other things you will have passions for something else, and/or someone else. Biggest thing you can learn is that you should be content/motivated on other things in life other than a girl (even if biologically we are programmed for that). There are billions of things to do and billions of girls, don't get hung up over one that doesn't want/appreciate you, it's a waste of time.

BS, I have a career in medical, I treat kids spines. I’m fit and have friends. I have a life and had to adjust time to fit this girl in, as soon as I was romantic she pulled away, I moved to doing what I do which is live my life. Normal people don’t mind being loved, the that’s on her. She needs a psychologist.

I agree​@@TaiopS

Address the issue calmly and that you noticed her pulling away . Open the door for communication

@@walkertranger5746 I called her out, pretending nothing is happening. She accepted and at at some point she was the one that addressed the issue behind everything. That she is feeling me as a closed person and I do not communicate, I do not offer to the "flow" of the conversation in general etc. She feels that I'm seeing her with a schedule, and she does not know what I am thinking at all. More or less, she wants to know me but feels a wall around me

OOF

next time bro

Not all females are clueless but All the tihs on this Earth starts with women

How do you mean?