It's absolutely exhausting. It leads you to emotional and physical burnout. And this is coming from a secure leaning on anxious. Which might explain how I've been in this rollercoaster for 2 years. A full blown anxious preoccupied wouldn't have lasted 2 months.

How absolutely incredibly psychologically resilient one must be to have an avoidant partner!!! Damn it lol. Don't touch them, don't talk to them, pretend you are dead, don't breathe, give them a choice to decide if they want you to be alive 😂😂 And yet, I am still with one lol Jokes aside, nice video ❤

They have all these needs and our needs don't matter

1. Do NOT Chase 2. Try To Reduce the amount of criticism you bring to the relationship 3. Stop making demands or using ultimatums 4. Try not personalize what is happening

I give opportunities for closeness but get turned down. Creates insecurities in me.

I dumped him . He became a cry baby . 😭 I did everything you said not to do . I don’t have the patience for that immature shit

Unless they're in therapy and working on what is most likely C-PTSD, none of this matters.

Sounds like the only way to have a relationship with an avoidant is to have zero boundaries

The best move is to go « no contact» with avoidants. They can’t connect with others, because of their mental dissorder. But they still crave attention/validation. 1: We can’t fix their anxiety 2: Their anxiety and mental dissorder is not our responsibility Just let them go

Why stay with an avoidant? Is an equal relationship of both give and take not healthier? It does feel like a lot of work from one part only.

Here’s the REALITY. Just LEAVE. If you have any self love and respect, let this person go and focus back on your own life. These people will drain you, abuse you, and discard you like worthless trash when just the day before you were the love of their life and their entire world. Get off the anxiety inducing and insanity creating tightrope and save yourself. I know it sucks. I know you love them very much. But trust me. SAVE YOURSELF

Why should people even stay with an avoidant person??? I get loving the person but you do not even mention that thought.

Save your sanity and run

Honestly do not bother.

This is life. How not to personalise. It is a couple relationship. Both people need to be validated

Great! But what about the feminine that doesn’t want to make decisions? I don’t know how many times I have been told, “I don’t want to figure this out.” “I don’t want to make the decisions.” The man/masculine takes the lead. But when the man/masculine is leaning more toward the anxious attachment.. it can be a bit convoluted.

Thank you for your consistency and your videos Connor! Let's bump the algo straight away...

My dude.... You are Nailing it!

Thanks dude, I needed to hear this

Such a big help

This was very helpful, thank you

Why stoop so low to date a ticking time bomb with zero regards for you?

Wow - this is gold, I tell you.. gold.

Great advice my man! Thankyou 🙏🏽✊🏽

Very wise, great advice, thank you! This is best video on DAs I have seen so far , very good !

Great video brother real good information. Keep up the amazing work 👍 God bless 🙌 🙏

So so so so true. It's true. I believe that.

Thank you!

I have the fearful avoidant attachment style, I’m in therapy working on it. I’ve been single for 10 years after an abusive relationship. I like what you said about ultimatums. It’s true and having choices taken away from you at a young age is huge. I had to be the man of the house without my father around so I didn’t have much choice growing up along with medical issues. My abusive ex refused to give choices. It was her way or no way at all. Criticism too is a big thing. I do appreciate the opportunity to choose. I never got those choices. I connect with people, it just takes me a bit to warm up to someone. When I had to work, my ex hated it. She never said the things I was good at, it was always criticism. I understand the importance of healing and bettering yourself too. I think if someone isn’t ready to tell somebody something, they shouldn’t be forced to. Creating that choice dynamic and making the person feel comfortable enough to share it with you is important. I have shared things when I’ve felt comfortable enough with someone because they created that comfortable environment by being nonjudgmental and affirming that they wouldn’t be. It’s important to create that with your partner so they feel heard for both the avoidant and the other person.

It is exhausting 😩I wish I could go back and not have met him. Easier to learn how to stop loving him altogether 😢

Thank you ❤

ThankU This is pretty great! I love you said "avoidant state". Reinforces that these terms are not meant to label people. I appreciate your words on criticism. I've come to see that as alcoholic behavior. A waste. I'm single, lots o pain there. But i have a best friend who often avoids. Lacking romantic tension, I easily remain patient. He appreciates it! I respect his privacy. The reward is he gradually has become more forthcoming

I’m sorry but they unable to make decisions. They just act like a child and ask what do you want?! 😢

Agreed. Ask an avoidant and give them small choices to make and their ability to trust and feel safe will grow much faster.

Ill try the choices. Im anxious af and working in it. My wife is so patient, but right now we want different things. Im stuggleing with not backsliding.

Gold

So offer them choices.

Could you discuss pathological demand avoidance on the part of the avoidant? I feel like this is a roadblock to what you’ve said about giving options because if resentment is built up and there’s PDA, it likely won’t work.

Jesus! This video should be" How to deal with a Princess!!"!! Or " Be an insect or the princess will beat you!!"

But this way...our needs don't matter at all? We have to shape ourselves to fit the avoidant agenda?

No Joy

I love your channel and your advice. But this video shows that we need to babysit an avoidant partner .. What seems to be working for us is going to couple therapy and him understanding the harm he's causing and that isn't just my own pov. All your last 3 tips require us to be the bigger person, the adult, while DA is the kid to be taken care of. I don't see those to thrive with anyone except for children. They need to have accountability and self-awareness. Maybe those tips are applicable when the DA is in their healing journey and starting to change or willing to change, other than that, it's just too much.

I wonder what if you are both avoident in a realationship? Please I need some advice

2:56 How do you reduce the amount of criticism coming from the avoidant?

I'm starting to think that i'm avoidat attachement...

Wenn mein Hund geklaut wird, werd ich zum Tier. Dann geh ich über Leichen. Dann sollte der Täter um sein Leben rennen. Meinen Hund klauen, das ist vermutlich das letzte was du tust....😅😮

Good video but too long . Try to keep the videos under 15min and you will get more subscribers and views

Thanks for this! The very last fact in this vid was basically what started the spiral in my last relationship, and I now realize it was probably my fault for taking shit personally🤔😢😅

Then it's simply impossible to have a relationship with them. Let's put it out there. You have to become avoidant either or have someone normal on the side. If you cannot criticise, you make your unhappiness your own problem, don't chase but they won't do either, don't demand anything, don't, don't, don't anything. All these but particularly giving choices are killing the relationship. Having to ask all the f.. time do you want this or this? Whaaaat? Then you don't need to take these people's problems and make them your own. They need to simply sort themselves out or stay the f.. single. The world doesn't revolve around them, they have the problems not anyone else. Just leave them at the first signs, you have to exercise your own choice of not wanting a torturous and unfulfilling relationship with someone mental.