It’s not a crisis but rather an awakening that my life and value have to matter more to me than anyone else.
@MacMode8 ай бұрын
Not a better way to explain then what you just said
@rjkubr3 ай бұрын
Totally agree. Men don''t have a midlife crisis. They have an awakening as they learn their true value.
@friendly767 ай бұрын
I'm one of the older people here in this comment section. I am turning 48 this weekend. This whole past 9 months or so, this all hit me very hard. The awareness of death, the realization that I was just trying to please everyone for so many decades, the confusion of what to do next. I think I was able to ignore these thoughts most of the time earlier in life because I've always appeared younger than I actually am. I still occasionally get carded for alcohol, but until about age 45 I almost always did! Keeping fit and active since my 20s has helped for sure. But age is starting to creep up and I see it in the mirror and in pictures. I had five friends in their 40s pass away in 2023. The past three years the stress of the pandemic and taking on too many things I was being asked to do took its toll. After burning out and dropping most of the responsibilities at the beginning of 2023, I was kind of lost and purposeless. I didn't know what I wanted any more, but I did know that I couldn't sustain that life of trying to make everyone happy and always doing the right things to please people. Right now I'm trying to figure out what it is I want to do. What are the dreams that I put on hold for so long that I want to pursue now? I like your idea of writing those down and just trying them. Worst thing that could happen is that I waste a little time and money and realize it's not for me. Best thing that could happen is I fulfill a dream and enjoy myself doing it. Thanks for a great video.
@Drifter4ever15 күн бұрын
54 here. Still don't know what to do while completely aware that time is running out. Only comfort I have; when I am dead, so will my frustration and regrets.
@CptCoitus6 ай бұрын
Another life event is losing your parents and realizing you are next in line.
@johngallagher7216 күн бұрын
Yup ...i was ok after my mom passed but after losing my 2023 just havent felt the same.
@JohnDoe-fv9siКүн бұрын
Holy shit. That external validation topic blew me away. I’m in the edge of collapse due to this. Not planning anything crazy, but I’m just mentally and physically totally exhausted.
@getaheadwithpetekelly15 күн бұрын
The collapse of the illusion that the right action leads to the right outcome perfectly summarizes what I'm feeling these days.
@IsaacBlencowe8 ай бұрын
Such an important topic man. I turned 30 last year and had a mini mid-life crisis. Hit my like a ton of bricks. But also used it to force me to make really big changes in my life and face things id been ignoring my entire life. It's actually when I found your work and book from an interview you did with Nicole Lepara. So glad I did man. Thanks for all you do. You're helping so many men ✌ PS 40? Looking good man! I thought you were mid 30s for sure. Impressive. Keep it up 👌
@Arejen038 ай бұрын
im at small crisis at 32yo, i dont like what im doing as a job, i dont have a family or kids or a girlfriend. Im just stuck in a loop that is slowly getting into me with regrets what i havent done in my 20s , and my prime years early 20s , having no purpose in my life.
@DeltaTempest8 ай бұрын
Wow dude same im 29
@Arejen038 ай бұрын
@@DeltaTempest y many my single male friends also face this
@BiffMcCloud8 ай бұрын
I just turned 29 and put in my separation notice at work yesterday, the only job I've known for 10 years, so I can go back to college in a field that I hope does justice to who I am. I've spent the last month with a bittersweet and somber feeling towards leaving my career and this morning that feeling turned to fear and panic. I'm still optimistic that those feelings will evolve from worrying if I made the perfect choice at the perfect time to instead taking a leap of faith embracing the unknown. This video couldn't have come at a more perfect time as I can take some comfort knowing this is a natural process I am experiencing and am not alone
@IsaacBlencowe8 ай бұрын
Well done man proud of you 💪 Takes guts. Remember is perfectly OK to feel some fear and worry that's natural. So don't be too hard on yourself. And stick to it and keep moving forward. And when ever you doubt your decision always remember it may seem difficult now. But remember the pain now will be far less than another 20 years from now or nearing the end of your life. That level of regret would be far more pain then anything right now. So trust in yourself man. It will all work out. Often in better and more ways than you can even possibly imagine right now 👌You've got this 💪
@BecamePneuma8 ай бұрын
I sent this to my Dad. Horrible relationship. Going through this now. I’ve been healed though, it’s him that is still healing.
@wuyingren8 ай бұрын
As I approach 39, what I’m realizing 7 minutes into this video; is that I’ve slowly but surely been fed up with seeking that validation. And also, making sure I have no regrets. So the intense discernment I have for myself and others I interact with is subconsciously on purpose.
@Aseeyah-vt9klАй бұрын
It’s amazing how everyone says the same thing in different ways. Still great info
@giancarlosh.pizzini698 ай бұрын
👏 great stuff man. It can be difficult to articulate the feelings most men have as we reach our 40s. Great points and topics to journal, pray and talk about.
@jeffreyh36982 ай бұрын
Great video. Going through a life crisis I would say. The third one about right actions not leading to right outcomes resonates with me.
@dratsi01178 ай бұрын
Im 22. I am losing my mind over every single thing discussed here. I feel like a failure because of it. But I’m trying so hard to reframe it as a good thing. But I’m worried learning the answers is gonna cost me everything and everyone I love and care about.
@Karina_EngrАй бұрын
Just don't go red pill. Actualized is a great channel for personal development as well.
@doctorskull8197Ай бұрын
I’m 70 and never had a mid life crisis. Perpetual teenager because I never married and never had kids. Life has never been better!
@ryanryanryanryanryan572Ай бұрын
New skills? I will have to think about that. I can't think of anything new I want to learn that will improve my life, that's why I have been indulging in my bad habits so much. I can't think of any self improvement paths to go down. Maybe chemistry? Auto Mechanics? But I don't have the place to do auto mechanics. I'm going to have to go over my notes.
@Karina_EngrАй бұрын
It could be dancing, or singing too. I meet a lot of men on the dance floor.
@michaelt67924 ай бұрын
Honestly one of the most informative and useful videos on KZfaq. Thank you.
@GodEternalWithinYourBody8 ай бұрын
I dont know for you guys but I just turned 30 and I feel like I am in mid-life crisis already.. so I can imagine what true mid-life is gonna be.
@Dirty2Clean198026 күн бұрын
I have been thinking about things a lot the past three years . No matter how hard i try i get kicked back in the Dirt so much that people who know me say damn bro, you must have been teally bad in your past life. I've never seen so much happen to one person. Many people of different ages tell me this. I keep pushing but it gets tiring and depressing.
@Buzzy-bm6bv8 ай бұрын
Great video, but I would like to challenge your thoughts of the right action doesn’t lead to right outcome perspective. It’s how you define right action and right outcome which you’re missing in your video. Right action for your soul is not doing what other people want you to do and doing what you think you should do and not doing what your parents want you to do. Right action is Being in touch with who you are and what you want at a cellular level and choosing actions that are loving and kind that are consistent with those desires. Right outcome when you have a dysfunctional right action, (which is only based on your externals) will give you a dysfunctional outcome. Right action, which is based on who you actually are, and what you actually need as a soul will always give you the right outcome. It may not be the outcome you want, and it may not make you happy in the immediacy, but for your souls development and your spirits development, it will always lead towards the right outcome. So one needs to define what you mean by Right action and Right outcometo determine whether or not one leads to the other. At least my thoughts.
@peteradelhardt37428 ай бұрын
I appreciate the nuance but it would require a lot more insight for all of us to be able to dig deep of what's the "right action" for our souls. IMO Connor talks about the realization that "shit happens". All your work to start that business and it didn't pan out the way you hoped for. E.g. you open that new hotel, did all the research and then COVID happens, things that are absolutely out of your control. It's a devastating experience that can lead to a deep crisis. A whole other discussion is that maybe what's deeply right for some is not that far off from how they act (e.g. being a good father and provider) but they feel unhappy and unfulfilled with themselves and their outcome. A lot of us men are not in touch with that deeper truth in ourselves and our needs that go beyond the surface criteria of society (materialism, hot partner, etc.). So, with that lack of emotional insight, instead of looking inside and learning that what we're fed up with *could actually be changed* if we took charge and learned how to communicate our needs, or follow our deeper sense of purpose, some of us just start acting out against the things that annoy us, like the sexless marriage, the annoying coworker etc.
@Buzzy-bm6bv8 ай бұрын
@@peteradelhardt3742 Good evening and thank you for that thoughtful response. And I agree with everything you said. My only gripe with my original missive is that it can be considered a mistake to right action doesn’t always lead to right outcome. As you indicated, if right action is not viscerally ‘right’ because we are not aware enough to determine the action that would be truly right, then the poor outcome did not come from an actual right action. It is unfortunate that many men did not think it was important enough to explore ‘inside’ to find what would make us truly happy, or maybe they never even thought about that possibility. But, many are unhappy. In this age of connectedness, there has never been as many unhappy people (as evidenced by increasing suicide rates, excessive drinking, adultery, name the vice. We are suffering because we don’t know ourselves well enough to determine our individual right action. But I’m going off on a tangent. It’s just that once one gets in touch with ones own feelings and needs, and acts with right action from that space, things tend to work out for one’s highest and best. Shit happens, and may be that shit is meant to move us onto a different (possibly better ) path. Who knows. But it’s so important to take the journey and figure out who one is and what makes one happy, if one wants to be happy in the remaining years one has. We are all doing the best we can. But if I am not actually engaging in right action (from ones own being) then the shit that happens is not ‘right action not working out’. Maybe because the right action one things is right is actually the wrong action. And I do speak for myself because once I figured out what right action was for me, the outcomes always seemed to (eventually) work out. Again, just my perspective and I respect yours, and….. really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Have a happy holiday.
@peteradelhardt37428 ай бұрын
@@Buzzy-bm6bv you too! Thanks for your response, reads like you've done the work! Congrats on that! In essence, what I am reading is we should challenge men (and anyone for that matter) when they say and think "I have done all the right things": Have you really? Does this really come from a deep sense of direction within yourself or are you just following some outside expectations and expect the universe to reward you?
@Buzzy-bm6bv8 ай бұрын
@@peteradelhardt3742 I admire you for your insight and fortitude. What you said was exactly what I mean to be understood. If it’s not truly right action, then don’t blame right action for bad outcome. Yes, I am in the last chapter of my life and started doing my work around 30 years of age. Understood that if I wanted a successful marriage and relationship, I needed to figure out what I was feeling, what I needed, how to communicate those needs in a non threatening way and how to listen to those responses from others in a respectful fashion. Very challenging and I’d be hard put to accept if someone offered me 40 years taken off my life but be back where is was then, and having to do ALL that work again. Grateful to have done the work and appreciate how challenging it is for others to undertake that task. But worth all the pain and heartache to embrace ones shadow self and not have it, secretly, run ones life. It is so hard to find others who can hold a conversation in that arena, so kudos to you. If you’ve done the work, or are doing the work that will reflect right action brings right outcome, then tell your friends and spouse that they are quite fortunate to know you :-). Have a happy holiday season and hope others treat you as respectfully as your treat strangers on KZfaq.
@arthurm80577 ай бұрын
I find very convincing your hypothesis ot the influence of the menstruation allowing the women to experience every month a little "life and death cycle", and that relatively narrow time window where they can give birth to another life. Even though in general men seem fear less death and consequently tend to have more risky behaviors (probably because of higher testosterone and adrenaline levels, by the way, decreasing over time), the full conscious realization of the inevitable and approaching end of our own existence may be delayed and find to be harsh. I'm wondering if being less religious can play a role too. I suppose the people who believe in afterlife may be less scared by the idea of the imminence of their death. Should men reconsider their belief system, especially in western and modern world, where the religion is quickly losing its importance?
@SC-bs7jd8 ай бұрын
I dealt with these three issues in my late 20s through 30s. Sounds like many men don't face some of the dark realities of life.
@gabrielgreen98838 ай бұрын
On point once again. Amazing
@rjkubr8 ай бұрын
To the extent it’s a crisis, it’s a crisis for the woman. As the man has become aware of his worth and, after spending much of his life putting his wife and kids first, he decides to spend some of his hard earned money on himself, that means less time, money and attention for the woman. This she detests.
@sarahalderman31263 ай бұрын
Most of the time, this is because it was the woman who did the vast majority of sacrificing...
@rjkubr3 ай бұрын
@@sarahalderman3126 Respectfully disagree. Women don't build. They move in and enjoy the fruits f the man's labor. Hardly a sacrifice.
@sarahalderman31263 ай бұрын
@@rjkubr maybe in your life but that certainly is not the norm, not even close. In fact for those who marry in their twenties, the women on average bring far more to the relationship. You may be correct for those who marry later in life, however that is heavily influenced on whether or not that particular woman has children. Given the additional work that children require it is obvious as to why that is. After adjusting for the increased burdens of raising children, women produce more on average. Lastly a woman is also devoting her youth, her only fertile opportunity, which is obviously in high demand. Regardless women sacrifice far more initially and often continue to sacrifice more than a man does due to the inherent nature of childbirth and child rearing, despite the push in increase men's contributions to their children. You seem to have a limited understanding as to how life works...
@rjkubr2 ай бұрын
@@sarahalderman3126 I have a very good understanding of how life really works. When a man is the stay-at-home parent, we mock his contribution. As Bill Burr said, "any job that you can do in a bathrobe is not the most difficult job in the world. If the man and woman are in their traditional roles. the woman's contribution is celebrated and the man's is played down. Your comment about a woman devoting her youth & fertile years implies that a woman's time is more valuable than a man's time. I respectfully disagree. You also don't mention what else a woman contributes later in life that makes it more valuable than a man's contributions. The problem is that housework done by a woman is always counted but a man helping around the house and doing the outside tasks like fixing the house &, car, mowing the grass, raking the eaves, scoopoing the snow..all after putting in a full day's work. These things are rarely counted. Men are thought of as the disposable sex. I wish all the best for you in life but I now understand why your call yourself "SillySara."
@chrishall79153 ай бұрын
I can relate to a lot of this.
@Darkhalo3148 ай бұрын
I'm only 25, but i'm scared that i'm going to go through a midlife crisis and mess up my life.
@Jason_Music5 ай бұрын
Not trying to add to the negative here, but being 40 being more than half your life if you consider the perception of the time flowing. Time flies faster and faster for you as you grow up. So the remaining half part of your remaining life years will pass so much faster than the first half. Adding that "time perception" into factor, being 40 is not really being at half your life but unfortenately much more already. Life is precious and really short, don't waste time, embrace all its aspects , enjoy experiencing it everyday, it's quite unique. We'll eventually all die anyway. Is what you thought was a big deal and worried you so much that of a big deal ?
@kevintraynor45084 ай бұрын
It only hit me at 45
@brianbachmeier343 ай бұрын
Thanks
@yaasikasa178 ай бұрын
Amen!
@abelmore76 ай бұрын
Truth bombs left and right. 😮
@ddub2801Ай бұрын
🙏
@jillmariaplatteaux60834 ай бұрын
I am 44 and in a big fat midlife for a few years. How to get out or through?
@bobbulgi880Ай бұрын
A man isn't going to just end his marriage due to a mid life crisis? Something a woman would do
@jgpilot782 ай бұрын
Women's menopause happens in their Midlife not before in their youth. Your comparison with men and women doesn't make sense. Also Midlife crisis isn't mostly about realizing death. It's more about a learning process. A realization of change because of experience and wisdom and learning what we like and don't like. Not death. That's a small part of it. Most men don't care about death until we have injuries or see the death of parents or relatives. You not once mentioned any of this. You generalized too much.