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4 Ways to Tell if He's Falling in Love... or Love Bombing you
Рет қаралды 198,470
Күн бұрынLearn how to tell if a man is falling for you OR just trying to manipulate and control you through affection in this deep-dive video!
→ Get my FREE magnetic love affirmations training: bit.ly/42As5TF
Is he love-bombing me? How can I tell if he's using me? How do I know if he really loves me? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video explaining the 4 key ways to tell the difference between early-stage romantic love and a man who is just trying to use romance to use and manipulate you.
TIMELINE
0:00 - Intro
1:02 - Defining Honeymoon Phase and Love Bombing
3:02 - 1) Freedom vs. Control
5:27 - 2) Fast (but Controlled Build) vs. Runaway Train
7:58 - 3) Realistic Compliments vs. Idealized Flattery
9:57 - 4) Gradual Shifts vs. Abrupt Transitions
13:14 - Another Important Love Bombing Point
14:24 - Recap of All 4 Ways
If you want more support in creating the life and love of your dreams, this is how I can help you ❤️ 👇
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• 4 Ways to Tell if He's...
@beguileme8201 2 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately, Narcissists want to "know" all about you so that they can gaslight you later. You cannot know this early in a relationship.
@littlemissy8356 2 жыл бұрын
As you grow older you realize that keeping your business to yourself is the thing to do.
@paulaparkman5127 2 жыл бұрын
Gotta wait 3 months they can't hide for much more then 3 months.
@llararulens8895 2 жыл бұрын
Not all ppl who live bomb are narcissist
@abstract3213 Жыл бұрын
But in return they don't share anything with you about them.
@Mat_Shaffer 10 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@allywolf9182 2 жыл бұрын
Narcissists can give you everything you want. They clearly do at the beginning. But then they choose to remove that behavior
@lyndseybell8711 2 жыл бұрын
They can but they cannot stop the manipulation or the gaslighting.
@lumity238 Жыл бұрын
Narcs will suck the life out of you, Beware 👿
@Mat_Shaffer 10 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@swakefield6677 2 жыл бұрын
Initially, the narcissistic attention is very intense and complimentary, they want to know everything about you and everything they find out is perfect. You are put on a pedestal and they are texting or speaking with you constantly - and often they make a point of wanting to know your deepest fantasies - they will tempt you to share even if you wouldn’t normally. Once they get the hang of it, they will feed your ideal image back to you - making you feel you’ve just met your soulmate - even if it really is just a reflection of your own thoughts. In reality, narcissists find it much harder to deliver because to them sex is about supply and control, the other person in the equation is just there to supply fuel, there is no sense of real connection (although sometimes it might superficially seem that way because of them following scripts from romance/porn). If it seems very intense, it’s probably not real. Walk away ladies, the shitload of trouble afterwards - never worth it.
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
I know of a man| who can heIp you bring your ex back permanent within 2days without delay🌟✨✨
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
Wh'tsapp him for heIp🌈🌈
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)!🌈🌈
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)! it really worked I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up🌈🌈
@swakefield6677 2 жыл бұрын
@@jamesoweredaba3403 Thank you James. He’s already been replaced with something more precious ❤️
@sunshinedayz7032 2 жыл бұрын
Go s-l-o-w getting to know men. Be open and sweet, but guard your heart. Don't have sex until you really get to know him(wait until love or until you are sure of his character and commitment. Then less chance of us getting used) It is easier to leave if intimacy hasn't happened and we aren't sexually attached.
@patriciabarthe3335 2 жыл бұрын
Yes!!!!
@moonmissy 2 жыл бұрын
Totally! The best way to know if a guy is really into you or wants to be in you is to drag it out. I would say 3 months is a good test. Most guys who aren't interested in anything but sex will lose patience.
@EMichaelBall Жыл бұрын
@L V Men with options won’t wait three months.
@moonmissy Жыл бұрын
@@EMichaelBall, Then they're not worth it to have around. Men who readily run to the easy route will leave any relationship when it hits a rough patch. Those types of men just want the rewards without the investment. Not worth keeping around! Valued women only invest in people who are willing to invest in them.
@EMichaelBall Жыл бұрын
@L V “Those types of men just want the rewards without the investment.” And guess what? They can get away with it! They are in such demand, and they are so few in number, that they don’t need to bother investing hard. In fact, they want it that way, too. If a woman wants to leave, or wants too much from him, fine. Next! That is The Way of The Chad. They play by very different rules than you would like, and guess what? They always win. Go look in your friendzone that you and virtually all your friends abandoned in your 20’s, and see who’s still interested. Good luck!
@user-ee4xu9lh4k 2 жыл бұрын
I have learned, the extremely hard way, to start making a pro/con list with each new interaction. It serves several purposes: it gets your considerations and thought processes outside your head where they can be tangible as separate from you and helps with objectivity when you’re caught up in feels; serves as a record of the things you notice, want to remember, and red flags; serves as validation to your own experience so that you are less likely to let things slide that really shouldn’t. Just starting the list primes your brain and sets you up to have space to observe and choose, like meditation does. Second tip is to get yourself into such a good calm fulfilled place in your life and your daily experience that the upsetting impact a toxic person will have on you will be strong. You will be unable to function, your mind will be consumed, and you’ll feel like you’re going utterly crazy in short order so it seems like you’re the one that’s such the problem by reflecting back to them your feelings that they will disengage and run away. When toxic people self-select out of your life, because you are respecting and honoring yourself, that initial sense of rejection and abandonment can quickly be transmuted to triumph and pride. The more and more you notice, recognize, and honor your feelings, the more impenetrable you’ll be to the ever increasing inevitability that you will have to go through this process. If you’re feeling crazy, it’s them, not you.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Great tips! 🙌❤️
@bridgetmurphyv 2 жыл бұрын
@@Mat_Shaffer I actually had a boyfriend who love bombing me I tried to break up with him and he won't take no for an answer
@bethanienaylor 2 жыл бұрын
@@bridgetmurphyv it's good to have a friend there who cares about you and won't let you go back without warning you what you're getting yourself into.
@mahrukhjillani8363 2 жыл бұрын
@@bethanienaylor f
@lanashowler5906 Жыл бұрын
Yep i do the exact same thing .... Saved me so much pain got out at 3 months .
@AnnieSingz 2 жыл бұрын
Im a female I was raised by a narc. I definitely have traits. Before I started working on healthy ways of expressing love I definitely could of fallen into the category of love bombing. I truly truly believed this person I had just met was my soulmate. I truly believed I love him. I complimented him highlighting everything I saw in him. It was a lot. I pushed him away with my intense affection he thinking it was impossible for me to truly feel that way so soon. I was unbalanced and unaware of a lot of things about me. I couldn’t let him go and wondered if he was a narc because he would always return but nothing would change I then saw that nothing changed because I hadn’t and labeling him anything just got in the way of me focusing on me. I’m Believing I attracted him to bring light to and help me become more aware of my own issues. Anyways I just felt like sharing. I’m thinking these can describe a narc but I also believe these things aren’t so black and white just my perspective tho. Yay for growth!
@TMarie-gb3of 2 жыл бұрын
On point Annie! Same page as me. I'm thankful for the lesson... Finally because I'm close to 50. Kuddos to you for learning & growing too! 😘
@AnnieSingz 2 жыл бұрын
@@TMarie-gb3of I’m so happy for your growth. 😊
@esthergrindle8056 2 жыл бұрын
It's awesome that you realized yoy needed to work on yourself and have been doing the work. Self improvement requires a lot of time and effort. It's hard work and you have to truly want it to stick with it and see results. I don't know you but in a way I'm proud of you for that and for admitting that about yourself. Thank you for sharing
@AnnieSingz 2 жыл бұрын
@@esthergrindle8056 thank u
@youglowgirl2106 2 жыл бұрын
You better go!!! Breaking that down the way you did...showing vulnerability and owning your ish...niceee! Good job on the self (aware) growth...
@jenniferhudson9484 Жыл бұрын
I have been married for 28 years to a man who treated me so special for a number of years only to find out that he is 100% narcissist and very mean also. Now he only complains about everything I say or do and I no longer want to be with, go with or talk with him. It’s all about him. He tells his friends and random people that I never do anything, that I either spend all day sleeping or on my phone. I am planning on going back to work, at the age of 72, in order to get free of him for good. I have to have 3 more back surgeries in order to do this. Please pray for me.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@edwardjohnson7034 2 жыл бұрын
I just recently got LOVE BOMBED. Didn't know what was going on. NOW I DO. Our relationship fit exactly what you said to a tee. He was NARCISSISTIC and did EVERYTHING his way, disregarding MY needs. I wondered why we would break up several times. He blamed it on me every time. I would call and apologize, but now I realize, it was REALLY him. This last time, i Did not call him. Hopefully, he will stay away. This relationship was VERY hurtful, and I am glad I am finally moving on. THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing. 💟
@edwardjohnson7034 2 жыл бұрын
FYI....This was Karen's experience.
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
We need to see how they interact with others, how they work through problems with others. Do they have friends do they care about your family? If they cut you off from anyone in anyway back out. Don't ever be totally controlled or vulnerable. It's not good to lose your rights of income, ownership etc. If they can't trust you , you can't trust them.
@rhondajkestin 2 жыл бұрын
WAY TRUE!!!! My 1st husband kept accusing me of lying and controlling him. I spent 23.5 years with him, and I began after 12 of those years, realizing that the reason WHY he accused me of those was because HE was guilty of them! But due to my religious faith, I couldn't divorce him. Fortunately, 11.5 years later, he was tired of my negative reactions to his behavior and he divorced me.🎉🎊🎭
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Rhonda Jean, I was unjustly accused also. Narcissists are a mess.. so they cover the infidelity by accusing or blaming others. They cannot admit their wrong doing. That's the Hallmark. Someone else made them do it.
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@helienwatson6626 2 жыл бұрын
I believe my husband of 18 years was a narcissist. I endured years of controlling behaviors. One thing I remember in the beginning when we were dating is that, besides him always trying to impress me, he made some very negative comments about women. But then added that I wasn't like that. I think that could be a sign to watch for--disrespectful comments or attitudes towards women in general. Even if it's not directed towards you in particular.
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
I know of a man| who can heIp you bring your ex back permanent within 2days without delay🌟✨✨
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
Wh'tsapp him for heIp🌈🌈
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)!🌈🌈
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)! it really worked I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up🌈🌈
@EllePlowPlow 2 жыл бұрын
Yea it’s a control tactic commonly used by narcissists. It’s a boost to your ego because it’s placing you on a pedestal higher then whoever they are putting down and while at the same time encouraging you to fall in line with what they want from you by encouraging you to not be like what or whoever they are criticizing.
@Bop89 2 жыл бұрын
Within a month of seeing this person, I took a short vacation and came back and he told me "Where have you been all of my life" ? I was shocked, cause we really had not gone on any real dates. Then over a few months of meeting in public places, the real person showed up with not so nice words!
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Hope you find your the one!
@moniquetrujillo7875 2 жыл бұрын
I'm totally being love bombed. I had kind of thought so but I'm positive now. Thanks for this video it helped me alot!
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so glad this helped you!
@moniquetrujillo7875 2 жыл бұрын
@@Mat_Shaffer thanks again so much!
@sarahsageluna8109 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks mat, I’ve been heartbroken for over a week now about this guy I was dating and wanting to let it go but energetically not knowing how. You mentioned the abrupt shifts and it got me thinking about how he did that after our 3rd date. He showed me his true colors and I stuck around because he has so many other traits that I loved. But he wasn’t genuinely in love with me or interested in me. He was just trying to control another thing in his life. This has given me something more to think about and added a piece to the puzzle for me in letting go and moving on to bigger and better things in my life. Thank you.
@ItsELE3 2 жыл бұрын
you are worthy 💛
@Catherine-vn1do 2 жыл бұрын
I am going through this right now 🤪
@kimberlylentz4350 2 жыл бұрын
Me too well kind of... I had a crush on this boy for like 2 months now and I didn't know if he was wanting to control me or he was actually in love with me I could not tell the difference so it really means a lot to make this video thank you!!!l😘😆😘😘🤩🤩🤩🤩
@Florencethomas405 2 жыл бұрын
Sorry to say but their interest was never geniune or real to.begin with. All a lie
@recuerdos2457 Жыл бұрын
Don’t think the narcissist would think and feel like you. I read that when dealing with them, we need to be assertive and stop explaining. Because they really master of gaslighting and passive aggressivers, you d be better off to communicate to them short and firm. Stay away from them and get yourself safe and have some peace
@lisahenderson2313 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I had heard this before my last marriage. When I thought he was being supportive he was actually trying to gather control. You made such valid points. It was all true. What was worse as I worked for years in sw helping others so seeing it myself was really hard.
@hawaiigirl8089 2 жыл бұрын
You & me both! Now he is destroying my entire life thru divorce! Financially- emotionally- social destruction.
@thedrflo4558 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m sending love and light and hope and healing!!
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks so much for your feedback! Wish you all the best. 🤗
@DanaD-er8dn 2 жыл бұрын
30 years in the cycle for me, I wish this info was readily available back then.
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@lisavisetticabello695 3 ай бұрын
I’m 20 years int he cycle, I only just recently got to know about narcissism behaviour, and it all clicked at once…
@frances4773 2 жыл бұрын
It’s so comforting to know there are men out there exposing Narcissist I am still trying to recover after five years from one after I left another one for 30 years. I’m well educated and I still can’t believe how damaged my mind is over these men but I’m getting better thank you so much it’s good to hear these words from a man
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new ❤️ I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
@gorcie 2 жыл бұрын
damn. I was love-bombed and stayed in a relationship with her for 8 years. I lost all my confidence and possibly a better future. I'm so glad I got out and karma might be smiling at me right now because I am being blessed with the kindest, most caring and thoughtful woman now whose love I trust. Life, from now on, will be beautiful.
@edwardjohnson7034 2 жыл бұрын
So happy for you. 💟💟💟💟
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Happy to hear that !
@everydayisnew1831 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. I didn't realize that even men who aren't narcissists do this too. This clicked for me. ❤️
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
So glad my content supports you :)
@aliceglass6141 2 жыл бұрын
This was eye opening! Thank you. Everything I was feeling in my last relationship has now been validated. The last few weeks before I split with him I felt that switch and I saw all that had been going on. I thought he was my person and then the whole energy dynamics shifted. It was very strange. Thank you for this video 😘🙏
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
@bagsarepacked8753 2 жыл бұрын
What a wonderful topic to do a video about! I was in a 15 year long marriage Looking Back Now in the first 67 years I could see little things where he was testing things to see what he could get away with. At the time it was subtle and I didn't notice it. About 7 years in he did such a drastic change over the course of a couple months I thought I was going crazy or someone replaced him with another person. I convinced myself that's not who he was he would not have been able to hide it for so many years from me and that he just needed help. So I spent another six years getting abused in every way there is to be abused, before I could see who he really was oh, I was always a very strong independent woman and if things would have been like that I would have walked away without a second thought. I can now see that he waited until I was in a very broken bone horrible place to let that side of him come out. I think this video will help a lot of people out there in the situation I was in. Another thing I ignored that would have been helpful oh, the people in your life that you trust listen to them and ask them what they see I ignored so many people whose opinion I value who could see what I couldn't. If there's anyone in that spot right now there is light at the end of the tunnel and life can be truly beautiful again. You are beautiful amazing and unique and there is someone out there who will love you in a way that makes you free
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Many thanks! It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new ❤️🤗
@andrewhooves3988 5 ай бұрын
You earned a new subscriber. I just met someone a few months ago and I was worried if I was lovebombing her. And I notice she’s starting to fall for me. I also notice myself feeling more secure and less dizzy. I thought you’re supposed to sustain that feeling forever. But I choose to love this woman for no other reason than I want to. I love doing little things for her. I love affirming her. I am not pissed or upset when she’s mad or makes a mistake because she’s such a good communicator She says our relationship feels healthy and fulfilling. This video chilled me out so much and motivated me to continue to do nice things for her because love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice and it’s an action.
@heatherluszczyk4329 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent video! I would add that changing plans on the person and/or declining plans will trigger a toxic person. They will scramble to manipulate and gain control again. Additionally, talking about their behavior that doesn't work for you will greatly trigger a toxic person and they will turn the tables and villainize you for pointing it out. A healthy person will listen to understand and respect boundaries.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
@GoogleUser-pc6tu Жыл бұрын
100 percent Truth!
@lichiehrb 2 жыл бұрын
He wasn't real and he isn't coming back. Damn... Thank you.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
I hope it helps.
@zanastrange1878 2 жыл бұрын
So right about the sudden hot & cold shift. I was a victim of Marriage Fraud. The description of the Love Bombing vs. True Love Growth is spot on. When the Shift happens and the rug is pulled out from under you & the manipulative abuse begins, the confusion is profoundly deep.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Glad my content resonated with you.
@coralfincken7719 2 жыл бұрын
Just ended a 2½ year relationship, because my gut was telling me it wasn't correct and he wasn't being truthful with his actions and words. You've just explained why I felt that way.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so glad this helped you!
@nicolepennamacoor2884 2 жыл бұрын
I very rarely comment on videos. But I love watching you Mat. It is like listening to a good friend who just wants the best for you. So thank you for your videos. I did not understand love bombing until a recent experience. I am still a bit unclear as to whether I experienced real love bombing or just a confused and emotionally wounded man, but this video educated me on red flags to look for in the future. And Thank you Mat for that last point about not letting the fear caused by toxic situations to stop you from experiencing meaningful, loving relationships. Coming from first hand experience of shutting myself down for four years, it was not worth the pain unless you are actually doing the deep self healing work. I am also trying to learn not to carry these experiences with me into the next relationship. Some stuff may come up and you have to face it, but try not to let those fears stop you from connecting however is healthy for you. Leave the past in the past and know that it does not have to define your future. Just a reminder for anyone else who needs to hear it today. Thanks again, Mat! Great video!
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kind words Nicole, they truly touch my heart! We get to stay open to love and believe that it’s possible, and trust our DISCERNMENT to guide us 🤗🤗
@edwardjohnson7034 2 жыл бұрын
In life when you have bad experiences, try NOT to ever be a VICTUM. It's never healthy being a victum even though you feel like you are. They have the problem, not you.
@ingridkhajeh8982 2 жыл бұрын
Yup lived through it in my marriage of 17 years. Later had a boyfriend but I recognized and ended it. Thank you so much for doing this video Mat. You are saving some of us from a ton of heartache and even abuse. Now been developing an LDR. Slower than molasses but over time we have both grown as people and spiritually. God bless and thank you
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
So glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 Many more to come!
@SS-ly2bn 2 жыл бұрын
So timely! I’ve met a guy who is a writer and is quite good at expressing himself. It’s a little unnerving. So far what I’ve seen is intense early relationship stuff and not love bombing. I really needed the information provided here!
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
I know of a man| who can heIp you bring your ex back permanent within 2days without delay🌟✨✨
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
Wh'tsapp him for heIp🌈🌈
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)!🌈🌈
@jamesoweredaba3403 2 жыл бұрын
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)! it really worked I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up🌈🌈
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Happy to help!
@mariapap8962 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video! 🙂My personal experiences with 2 narcissistists apart from the above - mentioned points were that, the questions one gets asked at the beginning of the relationship were to acquire information but not to really get to know the other person. Infact, the type of narcissists i dated only wanted to talk and boast about themselves (trying to create a false grandiose image). Another narcissistic trait is the word salad. Talking non- stop but not actually saying anything of substance, and the reason they do this is to deviate from or avoid any REAL, meaningful concersation which could lead to revealing their intentions or drawbacks.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
@kimberlymcrae9620 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. You described my situation to a T, the lovebombing. 😞 it has been so hard. It is good to know, I'm not crazy and I'm not alone. It still hurts, a lot.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
You got this!
@tazaman2009 2 жыл бұрын
You really should include future faking in that love bombing phase.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Great tip! 🙌❤️
@LinnLinnok-fe5tq 4 ай бұрын
He included that - kids naming, talking about romantic trips, “soul mate” talk, wedding talk….
@tazaman2009 4 ай бұрын
@@LinnLinnok-fe5tq it really should be said specifically because not everyone knows the definition of future faking.
@diannadorn9719 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, that was helpful. One other way to tell is if he can show genuine empathy. I've lived with a narcissist for 26 years and just recently found out he's a covert narcissist. I'm getting out. They never change and the abuse will just keep going.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
@amandaharris7205 2 жыл бұрын
"ranch in Montana" 😂 The universe brought me this video at the exact right time ♥️
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Hello there and Thanks so much for your feedback!
@stayhappylittlemermaid 2 жыл бұрын
The future will be tough, but I have the confidence that we can surely overcome. We can do it. We'll be able to.
@Micahictv 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your positivity dear
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much my dear!
@casperinsight3524 2 жыл бұрын
Great advice 🎯 Be mindful of his actions expressing his words over time Consistency is key and trust your Intuition
@casperinsight3524 2 жыл бұрын
Do ppl really fall for those phony what's app advice posts ...really ?!?
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
That's right!
@cherylross393 2 жыл бұрын
Mat is right if it's too much too soon it's a control issue.If it too good to be true it probably is.If they take their time it's probably the real deal.This goes for both parties.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!
@missynicki86 2 жыл бұрын
I lived this. I married a very toxic masculine man and now we are getting divorced. The love bombing was so intense. He's still trying it even though I'm walking away.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
@TheBitTV 2 жыл бұрын
For any gay/bi men watching wondering if they can apply this to them, as a gay man myself, this was still very informative to be able to know the difference between real and love bombing. I started hitting it off with this guy that started at my job this week so I’m hoping to take it further so this really helped not only internally (cause I’m a guy who can be emotional and want to have proper self control) but also to make sure he would be a good choice for me. Much appreciated. Thank you.
@florentinogutierrez5461 2 жыл бұрын
@Gino S I’m Bi man watching this as well I’m pretty much sure the guy taught was talking to he’s a love bomber it can apply to us well . I appreciate it this content keep on eye those toxic and narcissistic men out there just waiting and taking my time getting know guys online before meet them in person hopefully soon I run into a nice genuine person / man I’m cautious about who let people in my life in a romantic relationship with someone.
@GoogleUser-pc6tu Жыл бұрын
I’m a lesbian . I just broke off my 1 yr relationship with love bomber/ narcissist. She definitely falls in more masculine mannered arena
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@MarabelleBlue 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I found you in 2017 - I would have avoided so much aggravation. Instead of feeling I was in a relationship, I felt I adopted a small and spoiled child. A little man who had extreme narcissistic issues. In a week he claimed he was in love with me. Online it was great, in real life it was a disaster. Glad he is out of my life. 😡
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Wonderful! I’m so glad this helped you!
@rustylee68 10 ай бұрын
OMG! Why didn't i see this video years ago!! couldv'e saved myself years of stress!! Thank you Mat x
@Mat_Shaffer 10 ай бұрын
Many Thanks:)
@samorrowjohnson8114 2 жыл бұрын
Hi Matt I don’t know if you read all the comments but thanks to your KZfaq videos I’ve made a friends with benefits for a little over than five years my actual boyfriend which I never thought could really happen thank you so much and I look forward to future videos
@QuetzalYVerde Ай бұрын
I’d love to see a video like this that’s more open ended. A lot of this describes a toxic friendship I was in and I would love a video spoken from that perspective as opposed to a romantic one.
@Mat_Shaffer 29 күн бұрын
I'm glad you enjoyed the video! If you're thinking about getting back into dating, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz can help you assess your readiness. Take a moment to find out! 🌟 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/
@Trasea 2 жыл бұрын
Now I know why there's the saying "All's fair in love and war." And Pat Benatar was right, "Love IS a battlefield." (At least romantic love, anyway.) People used to wonder how a couple could stay together their whole life in marriage... and today I wonder how a couple stays together long enough to get engaged. It's truly remarkable how times have changed... very sad.
@leopardsnlions 2 жыл бұрын
Sometimes non-romantic love can be a battlefield as well!
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your insight!
@cynthiabutler-hayden2054 2 жыл бұрын
Really good knowledge. I believe I was love bombed. A person was hurt from last relationship or someone and practicing on me, narcissistic. Mentally not making sense, please and emotional dynamics. Became after 3months ignored my feelings, abrupt shift.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Grateful that you got away from that!
@cynthiabutler-hayden2054 2 жыл бұрын
@@Mat_Shaffer He is still chatting me I gave him an ultimatum next step offered my email number. I chatted if does not use either it is very clear days ago. My last chat message to him. He continued to chat saying I touched his heart. Asking if I feel like cuddling. Then what colors would I like to see him in. That is crazy! Ignored the substance of my last message totally
@tanyatanya9492 2 жыл бұрын
@@cynthiabutler-hayden2054 Same here.They don't respect us or our boundaries and pretend it's all a joke.Ignore and move on
@cynthiabutler-hayden2054 2 жыл бұрын
@@tanyatanya9492 Thank you Tanya. It is so many of them on this European chat dating service. As if they work for the company. I have enormous amount of interested parties. A few over I did dialogue with on chat , claiming wanting next step. Never have. Unbelievable! Some I read repeated verbiage on same day as another. SCRIPTED. Says free on their profile. But I pay to Chat. They do not know me but sending sweet talk, crazy as if know me!
@thusharividanagamachchi9779 2 жыл бұрын
Very well defined. Thank you. We who attract narcissists and toxic male types must stay awake to our own experience of passive giving and use it as a way to evolve from our own psychological programs and use it for our evolution and your advice helps in this process. 🙏🥰
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely!
@emp9413 2 жыл бұрын
This is so apt. It's so simple yet impossible to see until you're taught. This should be taught to all girls, would have saved me so much trouble.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Happy I could be of help.
@mishi144 7 ай бұрын
He told me he was falling for me, a few weeks later told me he loved me. I said I don't understand how you can love me when you really don't know that much about me and eventually he told me he loves me but wasn't in love with me yet 😑 What a load of fluff.
@Mat_Shaffer 7 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@LivingStoneHope 2 жыл бұрын
Fantastic Mat! I’m looking forward to your next training! The last one I came down with Covid the same day it started. I was just love bond hard-core by someone from high school. I’m incredibly proud of myself for disentangling myself from that situation and walking away. Yesterday! Thank you! 🙏😹😁
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
So happy for you!
@thedrasc1465 2 жыл бұрын
One thing Ive noticed is when they make assumptions, even if theyre good ones on paper, that's usually a sign of manipulating you into believing they like and admire you (aka love bombing). For example, when they say, I can tell you're a smart/strong/(insert adjective to stroke ego here)... but youve shown them no instance of you being any of those things, you're being love bombed.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
@nelitzaamaro1882 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent in the way you show the difference between one & another. Great job!!!! Looking forward to hearing more from you.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
@myraj.8690 2 жыл бұрын
1. Freedom VS Control 2. Pace of how it grows (Slow Vs Fast) 3. Compliments (Realistic Vs Idealized) 4. Behavior (Consistent Vs Abrupt Shift) ** Narc will shift into Lovebombing when he is losing control & wants to reel you back in Thanks!
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
good job! '
@emp9413 2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely correct can't let experiences scare you into not trying/trusting bc that means don't trust yourself anymore, and you MUST trust yourself to have secure attachment type aka be capable of healthy relationships, and avoid the codependency that causes us to value others over ourselves and end up in these situations, which further weaken us. Vicious cycle. Must start to develop your morals to create boundaries- what is right what is wrong commit yourself to it. Then if someone mistreats you it's clear to you its wrong. At same time develop your emotional literacy - learn to pay attention and heed your emotions. Messengers to guide you to safety. As you heed them instinct and will power will return. You'll correct things. You'll be safe from falling for it bc you'll recognize/remember what hurt you. It's so simple so sad we get stuck so preventable.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing!
@teresawright5654 2 жыл бұрын
I loved the clear explanation you provided! Really clear roadmap to follow 👍
@christiaruba 2 жыл бұрын
Yes he is good hey. Like having your own personal, relationship coach. VERY good support work.
@sevenheaven3992 2 жыл бұрын
Yes that what I just said
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Great to hear! I hope it helps.
@mlolvera91 Жыл бұрын
I’ve been loved bombed twice. You hit the nail on the head with the first one, and thankfully I ended it after a few weeks because of the insincerity of it all. The second one felt more sincere, but after a couple weeks of talking and our third date I thought something felt off and called him out. That’s when he said he wasn’t emotionally ready for what i was ready for, and we ended it. While I agree that love bombing can be used by narcs, I don’t think all the men who do this are are narcs, or are even aware they’re doing it at the time. Honestly I think it’s a huge disservice to men and their mental health struggles to say that only narcissistic toxic men do this, and We shouldn’t play them off like that. It was unfair when it was done to women, and it’s unfair for it to be done to men.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experiences dear!
@kathybrown1064 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing this, I really needed to see it today, I appreciate your incite and this invaluable info.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
So glad it supported you! 🙏🙏
@sarahshafer8996 Жыл бұрын
Everything you say about love bombing is spot on. I wish I had found this when I met my ex of 5yrs. He love bombed me so big but I didn't have a clue. He was everything I wanted and more for the first year. Then I wasted 4yrs trying to get back the man he pretended to be. I was left feeling so angry with myself for being so gullible in stupid.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing Sarah🙌 I promise there are still good guys out there.❤️❤️❤️
@ellieborla9243 Жыл бұрын
It is easy for me. Any excessive love or excessive attention which happens too soon makes me feel anxious and causes me panic attacks. I remember one case when the texts of this guy (who I kinda fancied) caused me a panic attack which made me tell him via text: enough! I need to feel loved when a man knows me enough to truly love me. At the early stages I need curiosity and banter
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Be careful with your beliefs! They create your reality
@BeautifulBackRoadsMO Жыл бұрын
I genuinely needed this. I've gotten so hopeless that I've swung different directions of absolutely done with men. Completely broken and hurt and not wanting to try again this video gives me some hope to contemplate. With a guide like this it gets to the root of my fear, not being able to spot and handle it early one, not trusting my instinct. This was a very clean cut way of spelling it out so I can see the difference in real time.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
You got this!
@brendawatkins5310 2 жыл бұрын
Stuff You Sooke Makes Sense I Already Know A Bad Relationship Cause That's What Happened In My 1st Marriage .The Bad Didnt Happen Til After We Married.Thats When I Saw The TRUE Nature Of Him... Abusive..... Verb,physically ,Emotionally..Always Ran My Family Down..
@blueseptember2174 2 жыл бұрын
Mine started 3 months after we were married.
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! 🤗
@yahwehsdaughterromans1164 2 жыл бұрын
Well now I believe him lol.. he’s being genuine, I haven’t felt like I was being love bombed because that instantly gives me anxiety about a guy ( I’ll say my gut tells me) but I just wanted to double check.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Glad to hear that!
@angelinaesposito3058 2 жыл бұрын
I have been watching all your videos. I am hooked because you are so highly full of wisdom and educated. Everything you say makes sooo much sense!! Thankyou for your wonderful sacrifice in helping people All over the world!!! 💝💚🏇🏇
@crsh2007 2 жыл бұрын
I’ve been getting to know this guy off FB Dating, and we’ve been talking non-stop for over 3 weeks now…and I’m so happy to see, after watching this video, that he’s potentially NOT a love bomber 😊 He compliments me, but on the more healthy side. And he steps back when I tell him to (slow down). My ex-Narc told me that he loved me after the 2nd or 3rd date 🙄🤔
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Wonderful! I’m so glad this helped you!
@shelleysanders9666 2 жыл бұрын
His point about looking carefully to see if there’s a control issue is a good one
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Appreciate it hon!
@karrynlipsett5187 2 жыл бұрын
so true Mat. I just wish more things exactly like this were taught at school it could b called hr & sex ed class just to name but 2 things Every1 should know. bc its usually too late when ur finding out naturally.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Glad you like it!
@AnnaBurdach 2 жыл бұрын
That video just made me to be more cautious when dating.. cheers Mat 🍻
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Glad to help!
@inezhollmann5135 2 жыл бұрын
These are so helpful Mat
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Happy I could be of help.
@aperez3584 2 жыл бұрын
This has been a very big question that I would really want to be answered. Thank you so much, Matt.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
YESSS you got it my dear!! so glad this supported you🙂
@emoke150 2 жыл бұрын
I was just love bombed by someone I absolutely was NOT physically attracted to. So I kind of leaned back and watched what happened and waited to see the shift. Of course it happened. He tried to control me and make me feel less within 2 weeks after he felt he cannot control me. I tried to be polite but then remembered that actually being polite gets us sometimes even killed (studies have shown this). This was a good lesson. Don't listen to what they tell you who they are. Watch what their actually energy is like.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Great point!
@saraidermark2756 2 жыл бұрын
I once had a relationship with an Borderline man.. they operate exactly like the love bomber..
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Absolutely!
@funnygirlever 2 жыл бұрын
New here, I'm here from Helena hart. I was watching a video you guys did together 2 years ago. Great video by the way. I'm here to learn and get at being myself. Thank you Mat for making all this time to helping us from all around the world! You're awesome! Thank you so much.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
@MegaFunkified 2 жыл бұрын
I have been abused so much that I have decided to stay isolated for years. But your video makes me want to possibly try to meet a healthy man.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
So glad my content supports you🙂
@2510aggie 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I'd have seen this video last week. This explanation finally makes sense. I think I just let go the best thing that could have happened to me. Now I don't have peace at my decision.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
@hevoskuiskaaja2008 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this important video Mat!
@user-ee4xu9lh4k 2 жыл бұрын
Amen!! Nobody can afford to not be taught this anymore.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Happy I could be of help.
@ceegee8427 4 ай бұрын
I went through this recently and you are so right to the T 😅😅😅😅😅
@Mat_Shaffer 4 ай бұрын
Amazing! love hearing that!
@christinejenkins4414 2 жыл бұрын
I never known about the diffencees.I’ve been through a lot of Abuse. And decided to just live on my own life.
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@k.prince6799 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you very much! This makes so much sense. 🎯
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Amazing! love hearing that!
@marilynmoore8353 2 жыл бұрын
I've been in this one 31 yrs.. I have started learning about this the past 4 yrs. Always knew something was wrong but wasn't quite sure what . I've been in this so long i believe i'm having some of his traits now . Scary ! I've NEVER been able to talk to him about boundaries . Completely unacceptable . He would throw rage fits so it wouldn't be spoken about again . Now after 31 yrs.i'm now confronting his behavior . Welllllll now i'm paying for it . He's extremely professional in his ability and knows it ! He can charm the pants off anyone and knows it .
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@adinubila 2 жыл бұрын
thanks for this I married a Narc and now I'm dating someone healthy
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
So glad you are free!!
@christinepatterson8949 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I watched this before my last relationship because it was moving far to fast, and it the relationship did seem to good to be true.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
@gaylaken Жыл бұрын
Sometimes you do meet that special person from the beginning that really can love you 💕💕
@jhingbangayan762 2 жыл бұрын
Attorney, thank you very much for this video🙏 Kids especially teen agers or high schoolers should hear this and learn about a Narcissistic Personality. There's just too many of them these days, both man and women that is. And I think Mental Health should be taught in primary school or at least in middle school and high school. So many kids suffer with mental health and grow up not knowing they were suffering from it or from abuse that saddens me so much. And as an Asian, we are so behind when it comes to mental health issues. Majority just don't believe in it and do not acknowledge the existence of it. So sad. I wish I can talk about these things to young people but my acquired Mental Health knowledge from my BSNursing is limited.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Interesting perspective, thanks so much! ❤️
@geraldineolearnick9354 2 жыл бұрын
I am with a man who has been in bad romances in the past as well as 2 bad marriages. He acts like a narcissist but then he backs off. I had backed off and stopped pushing forward. In fact I have gotten to the point of telling him if he wants to go GO. Now he is worried that he lost me. He wants to leave. I'm going to let him. He needs to learn that I am not a pawn. We will be ending this soon.
@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@littlemissy8356 2 жыл бұрын
I think everyone in the world is so open to hearing what feels good. It is easy to be fooled at least to some degree. But the intuition tells you something is wrong, even if you can't put your finger on it. We all want to believe, and probably deep down know, we are really wonderful.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Interesting perspective, thank you so much!
@nicolenicole319 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent video ! I was just wondering about the differences of these !! I’m dating and want to be prepared … thank you !!
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Happy I could be of help.
@Samantha-lynn1980 2 жыл бұрын
I was love bombed by a narcissist. We got engaged 3 months into the relationship. He told me i was his soulmate and that i was very beautiful. He abruptly shifted shortly after the engagement. He started talking about the differences in my twins from a previous relationship and how he prefers one over the other then brought up my late father in a neg way. I ended it there. He got an apt that over looks my parking spot so he could see when i come and go.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
@janine1111 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks very helpful. Yes the love bombing is just happening after I left him and his pain came up. Won’t allow him back
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks much! Glad to help!
@nettieadams8134 2 жыл бұрын
Mat, thank you. I am overwhelmed in this moment of now. I listened and my heart heard the truth. The love that has found me, with my companion, is slow and steady. Your wisdom and truth has brought to me, the realness of what I have. I am grateful to hear that yes, yes I am free to be in love and know, it is what I have been desiring. He loves me as I am now and I love him, as he is now.
@nettieadams8134 2 жыл бұрын
@BehatiLife no thank you.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Wonderful! Your very much welcome
@maryestheraustin2505 2 жыл бұрын
Pacing and speed depend on the ability to create and maintain trust in the end.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks for your opinion!
@taniamiller4572 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for stating the info about abuse and leaving immediately. I work daily with domestic violence victims, both women and men, and we have to educate better about how a toxic person sets up their relationships. Also women try to ask "why" or " how could he"? Don't bother, if you are a normal person you can't understand someone who literally doesn't care about anyone but themselves, not even their kids. It's terrible. Thanks.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Many thanks!
@Lil_HandGrenade 2 жыл бұрын
Gosh this opened my eyes I think I'm involved with a love bomber. Geez thanks for this. The comments helped alot too.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
So glad my content supports you :)
@pamelalyon1030 2 жыл бұрын
That is exactly right everyone needs to know love and know it's real Amen
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Many thanks!
@hollyr.1139 Жыл бұрын
I've saved this video to review when I need the reminder. Just went through knowing a love-bomber for the first time and discovered how high the cost can be of cutting him slack instead of bailing out as I should have done -- because I thought he was interesting. Even so, I'm just about to try dating again, much wiser this time with the lesson learned.
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Hope you find the love that you're looking for my dear!
@imissny 2 жыл бұрын
Fearful and dismissive avoidants are good at this too. Often they have a narcissistic parent and narcissistic traits themselves!
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your perspectives about this!
@mraidin321 Жыл бұрын
Love is the realization that there is no difference between anything
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
I appreciate your opinion on this!🙌
@aquariusense 2 жыл бұрын
All 4 points right on point!
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
I’m happy this resonated with you
@draxiecoleman7358 2 жыл бұрын
Love bombing is really scary I wish I heard this before my first marriage. It’s very hard, getting out of a relationship with a love bombing person. But I managed.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
@verycherry4459 2 жыл бұрын
This was very eye opening and I had not seen this laid out like this before. Thank you.
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much my dear!
@unexpected8166 7 ай бұрын
Watched this as a tutorial for "how to lovebomb", thanks for the useful information Mat
@Mat_Shaffer 7 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful! ❤️
@msgs6850 2 жыл бұрын
A girl told me when she saw this guy she was working with she felt instant connection and said to him we're gonna get married and have kids this is the first time of her meeting him it's over between them but they were together for a long time like ill always say it all depends
@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@ames2727 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Mr. Matt, for these videos! This one was really needed for me recently. Thank you so much!!!!
@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын
You're very welcome! Happy to help!
@gigi9301 11 ай бұрын
Thank you Very Much for this video! I'm up late, trying to figure out why I don't want to go forward with this new guy. He just had two dozen roses delivered to my house, wants to take me to TWO concerts, he's talking about US taking international trips together. Wait for it....all after Two Dates. Oh, and he also brought flowers to our second date, so the flowers delivered was a head-scratcher for me big time. I have not slept with him, although I did throw up in his car on our first date. He seems So Nice (Way Too Nice), and he has already planned "our" entire weekend, without asking me if any of it sounded okay. I couldn't even get a word in edgewise to say anything before he was saying goodnight to me on the phone and it left me thinking, "What the Hell did I Just kind of agree to do with this guy?!" I just ghosted him for a day because I honestly feel trapped and overwhelmed. He kept telling me, "I Really Really Like YOU...Did I Tell You That?" I even became rude in person on the second date and pulled away from him when he was trying to hug/kiss me. I am just not physically attracted to him, but he IS a really nice person. I want to be friends, which I know is a nice way of saying, "I'm just not that into you". I have decided that I'm going to put on my big girl pants and ask him to call me when he has a few minutes to talk. My problem is, what if he says something like~ look, I know I was too over-eager. What about just the concerts or just one date this weekend? Uggh . I'll tell him I just need some alone time for a bit longer.
@Mat_Shaffer 10 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
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