Maternity Leave Expectations vs Reality!
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Жыл бұрынMaternity leave: did it go the way I thought? 🤔 When I made a video about my plans for maternity leave, one of you suggested I do this video afterwards to compare the expectations and reality, and here we are, 3 months later! What did past Hannah think the last 3 months would be like and was she right??
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@tsonneckful1 Жыл бұрын
As one person that did not interact with friends after they had a baby: I honestly did not know how to reach out and thought that I might intrude in their family time so I ended up doing nothing. Was interesting to hear that it felt weird for you! I mean I’m autistic so I’m easier overwhelmed with things like this but I can imagine that the people who say nothing mean well bc they don’t want to intrude
@morehannah Жыл бұрын
Yeah I’ve heard this from the other point of view too! It’s such a new situation so no-one really knows how to behave 😂😂
@spriddlez Жыл бұрын
I imagine it's also partly how you feel about babies. I'm happy for my friends and coworkers with babies but I don't want to add to their stress by being the awkward friend who doesn't really like children of any age. I don't want to make people feel put out by me so I just wish them a more quiet congratulations and let them hang out with people who will be more helpful and comfortable.
@jkpiowa Жыл бұрын
@@spriddlez And god forbid they force you to hold a newborn that could break easily.
@MsKHBJ Жыл бұрын
This was so fascinating to me, I felt like not reaching out when friends had had a new baby was the right thing to do, I think I read that new mums are so stressed they don’t want visits and to entertain people. So I thought I was lightening the load for them, will definitely consider Hannah’s point when other friends have children
@AlannahGardener Жыл бұрын
@@MsKHBJ When I had my eldest no one reached out, I've always assumed they just wanted nothing to do with me anymore since I had a kid but wondering now if my friends felt the same as you
@emma.greenwood Жыл бұрын
I am a friend who goes quiet when my friends have babies. I'm happy to do all the singing and dancing when baby is born and celebrate and meet new baby but if you are a person who does not have children, whether by choice or not, your friendship will change. As a childless friend you often end up doing a lot of the heavy lifting of the friendship, and moving things around to accommodate the new parent, plus the child will always be there and tends to dominate conversation. I find it easier to take a little step back from these friendships while we have less in common - we all only have so much we can give with little in return for such extended periods of time. My birthdays have faded into non-existence and my news has little reception despite making sure those friends know they're cared about and loved on their birthdays and on other days, remembering their children's birthdays, asking about milestones, remembering everything that's gone on for them. As a childless friend we often feel abandoned by new parent friends - I don't blame the parent friends at all as their lives have changed, but in order to keep myself mentally well sometimes I need to take a step back. However - this is just my personal experience and I realise it doesn't apply to all new parents! (of course I don't apply my 'method' to all friends who have babies - this is just how it's gone for me in recent times where my friends have all been having children)
@disdainbrook Жыл бұрын
I love that the captions say "have a lion" instead of "have a lie-in" lol (also, my sister-in-law is currently on maternity leave so this was very interesting/insightful! thanks for sharing)
@cinnamonbillie6508 Жыл бұрын
Just a note/comment. Those friends that didn't seem interested/weren't beating down your door to meet baby. Maybe that's the case but please do bear in mind that some people just aren't able to handle it if they are struggling trying to conceive, experiencing infertility or miscarriage. Just a thought. Mid IVF and am dreading meeting new baby in lots of ways because it's honestly like a guy punch everytime I think about it.
@jocelyn5196 Жыл бұрын
I love that you mentioned needing one activity to anchor on because it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm in a stay home situation for chronic illness and I feel exactly the same way, but I've felt weird that a small visit or one appointment can help my mental state so much
@messymeghan6487 Жыл бұрын
I was due to go back to work at 1 year pp but got pregnant before that so decided to just stay home and not risk the extra illnesses of working and childcare. I am the same. Some days I go to the supermarket just to get out of the house and break up the day. It's definitely nothing to feel bad about, being a SAHM can be really difficult on mental health when you don't get to speak to other adults much
@chrisbaete5842 Жыл бұрын
I think it’s just having a goal which when completed gives you the achievement.
@chihuahua0965 Жыл бұрын
with the reaching out thing they may still be interested but afraid to bother you when your a "tired new mom" I know I was worried about bugging one of my friends too much.
@ifonlyicould Жыл бұрын
agree, like they might be too overwhelmed to make time for me
@Yamataki Жыл бұрын
Love these videos 😍 Further topics I‘d be interested in: - Finances (for the pregnancy and now as a family of 3 as opposed to before) - Books you read on pregnancy or childraising
@addictedtoyoutube1902 Жыл бұрын
I’m sometimes that friend that doesn’t ask much about the baby. For me it comes from some of my own sadness about not having a baby yet. That might sound selfish, but it’s no more so than the person with a baby wanting people to be more interested. Initially I found some of your and another KZfaqr I watch pregnancy content hard, but now I’m invested because of the approach you take.
@sophielc2437 Жыл бұрын
As someone that is currently on maternity leave with a 3month old, this video is SO comforting. I relate to so much of what you said. It has been so amazing to follow your whole journey up until now and look forward to all the future baby content 🥰
@elisasmith1900 Жыл бұрын
Yes - same here! The anchoring on one activity was so lovely to hear.. I’d recently had plans be cancelled and the change to the mood of the day was frightening! Xx
@CorinneDemyanovich Жыл бұрын
Even though I’m not a parent, I’ve enjoyed the conversations in #kids-table. So much love and support, much like the rest of the Discord! 😊
@morehannah Жыл бұрын
💛💛💛
@Ilikefrogs.. Жыл бұрын
One thing that really irritated me after I had my daughter is that people just stopped inviting me to do things. Like they would all travel together and go out together. It was like they all assumed that I was no longer allowed to have a life outside of being a mom.
@DoeRaeMe Жыл бұрын
Damn! Ain’t that the truth, expectations versus What actually happens once you have a kid, lol it’s mind blowing! Literally nothing goes according to plan!
@naturalexpression Жыл бұрын
Would love a c-section video about recovery etc.. How it compared to your other surgeries or do you think it was 'easier' to recover from because you already had the practise? Love 💚
@morehannah Жыл бұрын
Postpartum hormone diaries episode coming soon with a whole bit about this!
@SamWest96 Жыл бұрын
For anyone interested, the reason a nursery generally won't accept a child under 2 for less than a full day is because usually a child will find it significantly harder to settle in if their whole day routine doesn't change. Childminders have a more homely setup which is why it's different
@cobalong Жыл бұрын
I found it extremely disappointing when some of my closest friends, and even family and inlaws, didn't check in with us in the first few months... I felt like I had gone through something horrendous (birth injury, then PPD), and they didn't show any interest/care whatsoever. It's damaged my relationships with them, and I don't even know how to bring it up with them as it was a year ago now. The upside of all this is that it pushed me to join a mother's group and I'm SO glad I did - glad you found your kin that way too! ❤
@katrinesofialind649 Жыл бұрын
I think it would be a good idea to bring it up with them, because as a lot of people are saying in the comments it can feel like an intrusion to contact a new mom who is probably quite overwhelmed with the baby. I would definitely feel like that if a friend of mine had a baby. So maybe it is all a huge misunderstanding.
@gabbyh9634 Жыл бұрын
I went through something similar, and it sucks! I wish I had a suggestion, or words of wisdom, but I mostly wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! You're allowed to feel hurt and disappointed, even if the people around you had good intentions.
@cobalong Жыл бұрын
Thank you to both of your replies - it's helpful having other people's perspectives! 🥰
@claudiajade624 Жыл бұрын
Haha yep 4 weeks in and I cannot believe how much tv and podcasts I am churning through. Guess I should have anticipated given spending like a third or more of my life sitting in a chair watching/listening to my phone lol. Right now it's you! 😂💜
@rebekahwalkarden4876 Жыл бұрын
This made me feel so much better about feeling a bit bored and watching way too much tv while home with my currently 5 week old baby, thanks Hannah
@alisaspear3382 Жыл бұрын
This video was an amazing idea. I love that you just have these ideas come up, it's why you've been so successful for so long on here. You're just awesome
@majfriedl3202 Жыл бұрын
i loved this! the editing was a bit too "nervous" for my little neurodivergent brain (the frequence of zooming in and out was a bit much). i hope this doesn't come across as rude and i can handle it still well just listening to it as if it was a podcast 💜 love the new era and looking forward to everything that comes with it.
@gingergeorgiee Жыл бұрын
Yes thank you I echo this comment on the editing here and on THD video!
@zZizify Жыл бұрын
I'm defo the radio silence type of friend. It's not that I'm not interested, it's more that I feel like a bother? Like, I know and assume that my friends with babies has stuff to do non stop and when they finally have a moment to breathe, they often want to just be with their partner or family or simply enjoy the moment. Even tho I'm a close friend, I don't want to add to them feeling overwhelmed by all who wants to fit in their schedule. We still meet up quite regularly, like at church or when we friends meet up for a cup of coffee. Getting more time than that feels just selfish of me? At the same time, like when my friend where on maternity leave, home alone, I'd reach out, bc I feel like that easily can get lonely and I'm one of few who have free time during the day. But now, when both parents are back to work, their toddler is just starting daycare and their second is here soon, I choose to not "bother them".
@sophieirwin3497 Жыл бұрын
I actually got back in touch with a school friend during lockdown as another school friend was doing riddles on Facebook just to pass the time and have some social interaction that wasn’t her other half or her cat. When me and my friend could meet up she was pregnant, and she loved having company even if it was a quick coffee date at her house. Then when we met up lately (ugh life, work, covid) her son was 8 months old and we went on a bit of a day trip. And I’m always happy to invite her to another baby friendly outing for company/her sanity
@ApplePieQueen Жыл бұрын
Glad that things are going well and you have a great support network! Sending you lots of love xx
@friederikehater9538 Жыл бұрын
Im relating so much to the most-intensive-boredom! I felt very relieved when work started again and I would not need to schedule an activity everyday to stay sane!
@felicityaeh Жыл бұрын
Relating to the stuff around the 3 minute mark about people not reaching out to you - I would really recommend watching a video Footless Jo made a few months back titled something like "The day I lost my leg my friend ghosted me" (the title is self-aware clickbaity). It's really good and helped me understand why some people do that and that it isn't always something they realise is happening. Might not be perfectly applicable to your current situations but from what you mentioned it might be helpful to watch
@sophieirwin3497 Жыл бұрын
My mum did so much walking around with me just after I was born. If there was a weighing/baby check at the doctors, I was loaded up and beneath the buggy was recycling my mum wanted to put in the big recycling bins at the park on the way. If my mum was going somewhere, I was coming with and she was walking as much as she could
@Rachaelorly Жыл бұрын
your hair looks amazing in this vid! Also so cute to hear you talk about how much you love your baby and partner 🥰 very mushy comment from me today
@chrisbaete5842 Жыл бұрын
Another excellent video making the subjects we are often nervous to speak about normal. These videos are great to share with others and help make us brits more open
@rachelalicee Жыл бұрын
I totally get the partner resentment about working/ them not taking charge when they are technically available to help in the morning. I honestly have no solution, as I feel like most of the time I just silently seethed about it - but the older my daughter has got, the better the balance has been struck between us. Also, I never wait for him to take initiative anymore, I simply say ''would you rather do X or Y'' and that's helped communication. Also, I totally understand the friends aspect, I've lost touch with people I considered extremely close friends, but hoping that it picks up again down the line or maybe when they also have kids!
@melissalong7169 Жыл бұрын
Will you do a "Week in my life" vlog at some point? I'm interested in how the half days are structured, since I've loved all your organization/calendar blocking videos!
@SomeoneBeginingWithI Жыл бұрын
Yes I would like to hear more about what the maternity leave time was like for you. Daily routine (did you have a routine?), which household tasks were done by who, how did that change when Dan went back to work?
@hongopia Жыл бұрын
The boredom was the hardest for me with my daughter. I didn't expected to feel like that. I have the feeling that parents don't talk about it as much as other issues with their babies.
@Chareads Жыл бұрын
Really interesting video but tbh I just came to comment on your hair. It looks so cute! And your skin looks clear and lovely. Hope you have a good day.
@Nina-rv4sz Жыл бұрын
Very interesting! I would also love to hear about your perspective as a parent with a disability, from how that works energy wise and body wise and what you are and aren't able to do/ need to be mindful of. I remember you once said you never really feel rested anymore since your surgeries and stoma. How does that combine with the initial phases of parenthood/how have you been managing?
@nicolabaird7182 Жыл бұрын
I am freelancer so had a similar maternity leave and transition back to work as you. Yes to all the things!
@immym8603 Жыл бұрын
Omg, both of us jinxed the weather! I was so looking forward to spending maternity leave before and after giving birth “on the balcony in the beautiful summer weather”, but it’s been SO hot, I’ve been inside with the blinds closed and a fan on my face 🥵 not quite what I had imagined haha
@ElizabethChronis Жыл бұрын
With respect to PIV … it took me almost 9 months to enjoy sex after my first. I had a minor tare, but still, it felt like it was uncomfortable FOREVER. After a few months I chatted with my midwife & some friends (some in the same boat and some on the other side who all felt like it took 6-12 months) and made a plan to make it easier, but it took a while for it to feel better. For my second, I did a lot of pelvic floor pt before baby came to prepare for after & it helped a lot (way more than PFPT after birth helped).
@ellasmart9241 Жыл бұрын
Please do a video on your holiday with rowan!!! Must buys, life hacks and what you packed. I have a wedding to go to with a 2 month old (hopefully I'll be breastfeeding) I'm so nervous
@rosieblyther444 Жыл бұрын
I had my baby in 2015 and remember being so active for the first few months and how SHOCKED everyone was that I was out and about. Once we got into toddler years is actually when I feel it got SO HARD to leave the house and be active with a kiddo. I think about this a lot that the first year is the most sleep deprivation but years 2-5 are REALLY hard to do things with the kiddo coming along. I also used to be an early show up to everything person and then year 2 came along and I had to add so much time in getting ready I was not prepared for to be even remotely on time. I love revisiting these early years through you lately!!
@rosieblyther444 Жыл бұрын
To add to my own comment. I also think there is more allowance from others to be late or cancel in the first year and that seems to go away once they are a toddler
@hanna13626 Жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh, I used to be 5-15 minutes early everywhere. After having a kid I am constantly late. It was a HUGE adjustment for me. My anxiety gets super high when I'm late, but even if I start earlier and earlier, I'm still late. I'm trying to be more forgiving with myself, but it is difficult. I feel like pre-kid me and me with a kiddo, are two completely different people, but somehow the new version doesn't know it and is convinced they are the pre-kid version.
@Katiedora122 Жыл бұрын
I don't have any kids yet, but my sister and two of our cousins had babies within a few months of each other (like in the first batch of pandemic babies when everyone started getting pregnant working from home). And it's been interesting because I'm in a group chat with them so I'm getting constant baby/now toddler info during the day. Although it turns out that I have a similar nap schedule as the little ones, so scheduling our get togethers is pretty easy.
@tunafarrell2067 Жыл бұрын
As someone who's children are both grown, a lot of what you talk about is old news for me; though I enjoy listening to you share your experience. I think it would be a lot of fun to sit around and swap baby stories, but I'm well aware that's not likely to happen.
@elisasmith1900 Жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh - yesss! Fellow Newborn mum in a heatwave - not fun, not fun at alll
@the1silentgirl Жыл бұрын
I'd like to see this topic of video from Dan's point of view
@diplomog Жыл бұрын
I know I'm late - but I would love to hear more on this. including what are childcare costs like?
@eringrasse7512 Жыл бұрын
I'm so so SO glad you've got such great support networks! I have trouble wrapping my head around the full scope of all that might be involved in a major life transition like parenthood, so it warms my chaplain heart to know that you've got a good web of people around you. I'm curious: Now that you're several months in to being a parent, was there anything you were looking forward to that has turned out to be kind of of underwhelming/not your jam? And vice versa: Were there things that you were nervous about that have turned out to be not so bad/better than you expected, kind of like what you were saying here about about being Parent Prime for much of the day? ALSO, how is Mustard?
@morehannah Жыл бұрын
Mustard is grand! We’ve gotten her out and tried to introduce them but they just ignore each other 😂😂 I don’t know if there’s anything I love that I wasn’t expecting to but despite sort of expecting it the boredom has been harder than expected and I need to find some more free/cheap ways to keep busy because classes & going for coffee/lunch ADD UP! 😬
@mmi1083 Жыл бұрын
@@morehannah I would honestly just run any errands -- grocery shopping (you can fit a lot in the stroller!), mail, pharmacy... And also any projects at home, like baking or doing a craft -- it takes 3 times longer than usual, but there is some fun in figuring out how to do such stuff around baby :)
@hucklebucklin Жыл бұрын
NCT is what the MOT is called in Ireland hahhaha I was so confused!
@niamhkelly6859 Жыл бұрын
7:03 "This random baby" 😂
@tegan-annwall5166 Жыл бұрын
My husband works nights so it’s just me overnight and in the morning with our 2yr old and 3mth old. It’s a lot and I’m finding myself resenting him getting out of the house and when he complains about being tired. I am constantly tired and overstimulated and touched out. Our 2yr old goes to daycare 4 days a week so that is a bit of relief, but he is up at 545 EVERY morning. Our 3mth old has a dairy intolerance so has been fussing A LOT! I feel my self overwhelmed and very resentful of my husbands ability to just get up and go (even though I know he doesn’t want to)
@asliyase Жыл бұрын
The captions are bad :/ it may be nice for someone in your team to check them again.
@JaffaCakeGecko Жыл бұрын
(If it's not too intrusive to ask) How's Mona doing post-pregnancy? Has she shrunk back to her pre-bump size or stayed as she is?
@tessamcguire Жыл бұрын
Think she'll do this in a hormone diaries episode, can't wait!
@Ilikefrogs.. Жыл бұрын
Was literally wondering this, hopefully Mona is doing well.
@PerovNigma Жыл бұрын
5:15 _"Why does Dan get a lion when he's going to work?"_ Well, I'm guessing he works for either a zoo or a circus.
@girliestmammy Жыл бұрын
💖
@zapfanzapfan Жыл бұрын
How long paid parental leave do you have in UK?
@inotherpartsoftheworld1460 Жыл бұрын
My biggest surprise about maternity leave has been how much money I spend!
@surlespasdondine Жыл бұрын
I needed my bubble on the weekends with my husband and baby so I do not bug a new mom with requests to see the baby unless she invites me over,
@b-ridge1589 Жыл бұрын
Do dads not get involved in NCT stuff?
@Tariachan Жыл бұрын
Maybe a stupid question - but why couldn't Dan wake up on some days when Rowan woke up early? We always took turns regardless who was working. we took shared parental leave so I have been both the stay at home partner and the working partner and I have experienced the different challenges that brings, but what has really helped us was to set the rule that the parent on parental leave is 'on parenting duty' for exactly as long as the working parent is 'on work duty', so when the working parent was working for 8 hours plus commute, the other parent was ' solo parenting' for that time, but the rest of the time we shared the parenting duties
@charlotteangela1664 Жыл бұрын
I forget how much I missed out on when I had my daughter in April 2020. No anti-natal classes as they were all cancelled due to lockdown so didn’t have a chance to make any friends. Felt like I was just handed a baby with a “good luck” 😅. And also couldn’t go out anywhere or see anyone for the first few months so it was super isolating as I was inside on my own with a newborn for most of 3 months. Hopefully if/when I have another things will be different.
@anyawillowfan Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing. I'm assuming child minders are more expensive than nursery, which is leading me to wonder about those single parents who have no other option than to work shortly after giving birth (whether or not they want to), and just wondering if that's another inequality that mostly affects women, and if any other countries have a better way of managing and supporting maternity, and what thay support looks like. Just thoughts your video has given me.
@l0lliezoe3x 17 күн бұрын
do you have resentment when dan wants to go out and socialise/is this an issue for you two/how often is he wanting to socialise seperately? as this is something i fear and that he'll resent me and vice versa
@laurenschenck5355 Жыл бұрын
YAY SO EXCITED!!! 💓💗🤎🤍🤍💔💛💛❤️❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️💗🤎🤍🖤💜💖🧡🧡💘💜💜💚💙💙💚💚💚💙🤍💔💛💘💖💕💖🌈🌈✨✨🌏🌈🌈🌈✨✨⚡️🌈🌈🌈💙💚💛🧡❤️❤️❤️🧡💛💚💙💔🤎🤍🖤💜
@surlespasdondine Жыл бұрын
I get this about wanting to have more intimate moments with your husband after baby but that's only the case if you don't have a high-needs baby and depression.
@itswaytoomucheffort5424 Жыл бұрын
Maternity for me (I’m 8 months pp) Friends don’t bother anymore, went to baby classes but never got close to anyone. Tried the all peanut but that never came of anything but I’m happy with my life and to me, if people want to speak to me / see me and baby they will. If they don’t, it’s their loss not mine
@laurenschenck5355 Жыл бұрын
You look amazing and doing so well Hannah keep up the amazing work xoxo momma and stay positive and strong unbelievable xoxo 😚 💝🌈❤️🔥❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥🤎🧡🖤❣️💜💔💞💓💛💚💜💜💜💗💞💞💗💔💖💖🖤🤎💝🌈💘❤️❤️🖤✨✨🤍🌈🌈💝💝🧡🧡🤎🖤💚💙💙💙💜❣️💓💕💞💞
@l0lliezoe3x 17 күн бұрын
whats your self esteem/feelings of purpose like as opposed to working?
@l0lliezoe3x 17 күн бұрын
As in i get scared that i'm currently not in an amazing career (quite dead end job tbh) but want to start a family soon. Will I feel fulfilled if I do that now when my career is in such a low/dry/lacking purpose state? I'm not a hugely career focused person but I want to feel fulfilled - whether thats through being a mum and/or with a job - I guess i'm scared choosing the mum route will close off any career anyway? If this makes any sense. Basically where i lack in purpose now through work, I hope to get through having kids
@spriddlez Жыл бұрын
You have some errors in your subtitles. When you are talking about having a 'lie-in', the subtitler put 'lion'
@pile333 Жыл бұрын
Are you still willing to have another baby in a few time, after all you've passed through during this pregnancy? 😅
@halliep-s6880 Жыл бұрын
do you ever fall asleep while breastfeeding? is that possible?
@sexydoorframes Жыл бұрын
Yes, esp night feeds and especially doing night feeds in your bed.
@hamba1998 Жыл бұрын
Do you wish you'd taken a long break like this earlier in your KZfaq career, without the whole having a baby part? I know before you've spoken about the fear of taking a break and falling off the algorithm, but it sounds like things have actually gone really well?
@morehannah Жыл бұрын
Tbh I think one of the things that meant it’s gone well in a KZfaq sense is because of the baby, viewers are very interested in the “return”. The same can’t be said if I just randomly took 3 months off before. Who knows!
@terriralphs2011 Жыл бұрын
No worries, you and your hubby are just getting started. The Lord has a plan for you bigger than you know. Share the work load with your hubby, don't try being the only caregiver
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