It’s a peaceful life…

This video hit hard. I've always had a hard time making and maintaining healthy friendships; partly due to all my time sunk into STEM topics, namely math and computer programming; and partly due to the mental health issues that I've been dealing with for years. I really appreciate that this isn't just a "Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me"-type of video and that you actually give what seems to me to be really sound and solid advice. I appreciate you and everyone else here more than I can say.

If you're lonely because of your work, find some people that are doing the same type of work.

I am weak in math and I am trying to change that. As a STEM student, its been really hard coping with the mathematics coursework. I love your channel. It gives me hope to get better.

That's right, at lunchtime at school, I was sitting alone with my math book and solving equations But I'm happy now because I thought I was the only one. But the strange thing is how some people see mathematics as a boring and difficult thing, while others see it as a best friend when they feel lonely

Mathematics is a very niche subject. Everyone takes math classes in school, but a majority never even get to study calculus. Most of those who even get that far never go beyond that, and even most who get to calc 3, diff eq and linear algebra take those classes because they are in some other STEM field. On top of that, I always have to remind myself that a lot of people forget most of the math that they learn. It's so hard to talk about my studies/work with people because on top of the smallness of the population of people who are conversant with some abstract mathematics, it's not like other fields where a short "blurb" summarizing the area can start a conversation. A lot of the time, explaining the mathematical work I do just goes right over people's heads. It's very isolating. There's also the stigma, stereotypes, and assumptions that people often associate with math people, and often these distance people from us because they make us seem unrelatable and 1-dimensional people. Fortunately, there are some outside of mathematics that have the respect and wisdom not to put us into a box, and can actually appreciate what we do. I'm lucky to have married someone like this, since they are hard to come by.

I'm a math person, ex grad student (in physics), all that jazz, was never particularly interested in deep relationships beyond "casual friends to play video games with once or twice a month" until I was like, nearly 30. although I think that was mostly becuase it's when the burnout hit really hard. life's more than being brainy

the loneliness is not just because you spend time studying and neglect other parts of life. it's because your mind is constantly off in some kinda platonic realm and other people can't relate to that. it's not necessarily a better way to be, it's just different.

your math videos help me when I'm going thru tough times even for non-math related reasons

Math can get very lonely sometimes... anyhow here are some of the best soul-sucking math textbooks that I know of!

I admire anyone who does math or has a passion for learning. You might not know it but the right people really love and admire you for being yourself. Shine your brightest friends. Don't compromise who you are to please others. You can bring a lot of beauty to other peoples lives with your knowledge and love of mathematics.

The reason I study math is that I crave information (I seek out new facts and ideas). I've found this is my main obstacle to connecting with people. Places like Facebook and Reddit are very low on information (because they consist of repeated predictable messages), and so are most movies, etc. But these are the things that most people like, for some reason that I don't share.

I agree with you. I have trouble with this too. I love to read. I love to read about math, physics, and philosophy. I am an introvert but have trouble making friends because I am disabled , because I cannot drive, and because I have trouble with smalltalk. I am 28. I earned a degree in English. I loved studying at the university.

There is a quote from the Paper Chase, "This is the unbroken chain, knowledge passed from person to person". When I am lonely, I lean on the idea that I am a part of something larger. That said, I think there is this strange expectation that Mathematicians can sit down and just knock out difficult questions. It takes a lot to convince my students that unless I am working on something with them, where I have made it through the wall of frustration to some level of understanding, that I am doing the exact same thing as them. I struggle, I'm wrong. a lot. But since no one sees anything other than the polished product, there is this assumption that ideas come to the page fully wrought and ready to roar. So, I think that is one of those lurking factors contributing to the loneliness factor. I hope I am not alone in this, but when people ask me what I do, I usually say I am a Math Educator, and those people tend to then spend some amount of time loudly proclaiming how much they hate the subject. That certainly tints social interactions a bit.

Any person that is fiercely invested into an activity is going to tend to spend their time on it rather then cultivating relationships, including myself. Especially with such a timesink as mathematics. You only have a finite amount of time in a day, and sometimes you have to sacrifice other aspects of life.

Finishing my applied mathematics degree this spring! I think you hit the nail on the head - I was forced to become extremely distant with my best friends just because I couldn't handle not succeeding academically. I kept telling myself 'things will go back to normal after I finish x and have a chance to spend time with them' but that never was the case; surprisingly, people close to me would not pause their social lives/growth just because I had analysis homework (/s). The distance eventually became too much and we all just drifted apart. I had to learn that the hard way and this semester I finally was able to find some semblance of a balance by working with my peers in my hardest classes which made studying with other students into a place to make friends. Many of those friends have now applied to grad school and as much as I want to go, I'm trying to put the lessons I painfully learned about happiness into practice and take some time to breathe before seriously considering going (...might self study with some of your book recommendations though)

Even though I am a mechanical engineering student, I am minoring in applied mathematics and I joined a SIAM (society of industrial and applied mathematics) chapter at my university. It's honestly great what kinds of things happen when a bunch of math nerds come together and attempt to socialize LOL. Everyone from freshmen to PhD students to seasoned professors show up to our meetings and seminars and its quite wonderful :D I'm currently running for secretary!

Lovely video! I found myself having a really hard time over the pandemic while I was finishing out my undergrad, not only was I lonely but I was also struggling in my math classes and feeling like maybe I wasn’t good enough to pursue further education in math. But, I muddled through, sent in my applications and started in my PhD program this year. And it has been so much better that I could have even hoped, my cohort has been so lovely and supportive they really helped me fall back in love with math. It wasn’t without effort, you have to reach out, but it is so worth it. It will get better!

I love your videos. They are so calm and collected. Adding your soothing voice to that feels so relaxing. Informative and relaxing is a combination you don't see very often imo. Keep up the good work!

Perfect timing! One of the most important videos I’ve ever watched. I’ve been lonely and depressed for so long and had a huge breakdown and hopefully also breakthrough last weekend. I’ve got to change my life drastically. I’ve got to force myself to have a life outside of math. It’s hard, but I’ve got to try and do it for my mental and physical health.

Thank you for sharing. I have a low social battery myself. Lurking in math spaces online helps stave off the loneliness as well. And sometimes I even contribute to the conversation.

you just blew my mind. this seems unrelated, but, ever since i was a kid i've always been a highly passionate artist. i quickly got into making long comics (not just shorts like on the back of a newspaper) and it was extremely rewarding being able to tell different stories with my own characters visually. as a heavily abused and neglected child who was bullied at school as well, it was cathartic and grounding. it filled in that loneliness and padded in a ton of time. in my mid-to-late teens, my relationship with art changed when the cathartic flow state i'd get into, (something that had me sat in the same spot drawing for 7-10 hours at a time), was replaced with possessive episodes of trauma flashbacks and renumerating. different sources of chronic pain made the task of drawing doubly punishing, but (because from abusive parenting that undervalued my health and wellbeing) i tried to not acknowledge them as a concern worth accomodating, or else i would be making excuses. nowadays (i'm 24), i've done a lot of processing and am a lot more at ease with the different sources of my trauma. i'm better able to engage with the different reliving episodes and fears that i might have otherwise been worried about, and i'm in living a much better place overall, too. but... art is, and always has been, so important for me. even if i am better equipped to draw, when considering any of the different projects i feel passionate about and am sure of their potential, they don't get much further beyond conceptualizing and basic animations or storyboarding. you just solved this question i've been grappling with, of why it's almost like i've lost my passion in a way, or that i've lost my fervor when it comes to art. i'm not a lonely child anymore who has to find ways of filling my time and stimulating myself mentally and seeing through numerous troubling stories in order to find the proper resolutions, like i'd do with my characters, comics or written stories. while i'm still disabled because of my ptsd and physical conditions, there are still things in my life i have to (and WANT to) take care of and be present for. animation is a hiiighly time consuming task. so are comics, and my body has already been practically saying no to that level of productivity for a long time in ways that ignoring them originally now means i'll have to pay for them for the rest of my life. i miss my flow states. i'm deeply disappointed by the shelved projects i seemed to feel so immersed in planning before, sans the lingering doubts and shame that permeate this process mentally. finding myself rarely drawing anymore, i question if i really am an artist anymore. even if i want to push through my pain and draw anyway (which neither you nor i should do), it's just not the same anymore. you made me realize that: i don't need art in the same way i used to anymore. i just don't. maybe i can still find ways to illustrate and tell stories that serves me nowadays, but trying to shoehorn myself into the super-productive art whiz i'd amped myself up to be for a decade plus has only caused more deep disappointment and uncertainty about who i am as a person, and even who i've been this whole time. i'm not the bullied, abused, neglected kid with no friends, anymore. i don't need to fill all of that empty time cooped up inside by delving into my own universe. my life is full with people i love and whose relationships with me that i want to tend to. i have different physical care needs than i did when i was 8. i have different responsibilities, too. it's not just that the pains in my body are saying we can't do 8 hour drawing sessions anymore (let alone 2). i genuinely don't want to neglect my different responsibilities in the face of art--whether that's to myself, my friends or anything else in my life. this has been a major issue i've been grappling with and feeling shameful about for a long time now, so thank you for resolving this question for me.

We appreciate your consistency all the way. More blessings to you.

I feel as though I'm being spoken to directly in this video. I feel that math has taken so much out of my life, and I'm not sure how willing I am to invest more time trying to learn it while others are making meaningful relationships. That being said, I recognize its intrinsic value. it feels wonderful to solve a proof or do something clever with math, but the fomo hits so hard when I see the very few friends that I have reminiscing on their pasts.

Too deep man I'm in my 3rd year of Bachelors program in physics now. I've always been a bit of a loner, a bit of a weirdo. Having hard time interacting and genuinely connecting with people. But this year something happened that broke me completely. I've completely secluded myself, I think I have attended only a couple of weeks of university this semester, and the rest were spent home, alone. I don't know what was it exactly that caused it, but the experience was horrible. I can probably count the amount of social interactions I had this year on one of my hands, so I'm fucked socially, and since I skipped practically every class that I had I am also fucked academically. I really want to change it, change both of those things. My breakdowns and introspections and other experiences that I had in the past half a year have been very painful but they had taught me important things. I know it is not too late for me or for anybody. It will take an ungodly amount of effort to fix the mess that I have made, but it is possible. Hang in there people, you haven't truly lost until you've given up. There are many people like you and me that go through these things and that feel the same way, you are not alone

At 05:38 "This book is special to me" . This book is special to me too. This was the textbook for my first proper course in Abstract Algebra, which I took at the University of Queensland in Brisbane ,Australia a long time back ... I can't remember when, but it must have been in the 90_s. It's a great book for learning.

And I find that math discords are really fun too! I just joined one and its really nice to have someone helping me out when i dont understand a problem

I just looked up math seminars for my local university because of your suggestion and there's a talk on covariance matrices tomorrow that I'm gonna hit up now. Thanks Prof.

Thanks for sharing the video. Part of my work is teaching high school math. I always encourage students as well as the teachers to study math for easing and comforting the emotion because math is independent from the moods.

A confession: I love the reviews you do on Math books... simply the best. Have you thought of doing a review on High School Math books...since there might those teenage students considering a career in math and will soon be entering high school and might eventually take advanced math classes like the AP Exams, etc? What are some really cool high school level math books that one can self study from...?

This resonates so much with my own experience. I have lost relationships and sacrificed other stuff for my passion in math and programming. I’m still in college and came to the same making-social-corcles-is-essential conclusion myself. Thank you for this video

Thank you for making this :)

it's a peculiar thing. I used to feel like Im different from those who dread loneliness, who fill their time with others to prevent any moment of self reflection. I think people similar avoid recursive reflection that can come with inner dialogue, as that part of us is churning at a concrete problem. I'm not sure how we experience loneliness, but my gut instinct feels that those who primarily think about things over people, tend to make the most out of solitude. Though, this feature leaves us completely unprepared for the problem of people!

Thanks for sharing with us all the tips and the thoughts

Excellent video as always. Also, some people don't perceive loneliness in the way others do, they can transfuse loneliness into some sort of 'solitude', like a sense of peace with loneliness. So perhaps a better word for such people would be solitary rather than lonely, i.e. being alone is not a problem to be cured... but if somebody is feeling that way, your video has excellent advice! My two cents worth.

It's true... great advice! Thanks!

Thanks for another VERY thoughtful and compassionate video essay. The social circle idea is useful, practical and energizing. Please consider doing a video on “The Cartoon Guide to Calculus” by Larry Gonick.

Very relatable. I really appreciate this video

Thank you so much. I really needed that. I bought Higher Algebra by hall and knight, i solve it almost everyday. Thank you for being a great teacher.

Hi brother i just wanted to say Thankyou to you! i always saw my friends do good in maths and get good grades and thought to myself maybe i have low iq, but i was not accepting it i one day somehow discoverd your channel where you were saying anyone could do Maths, and all praise to God my life changed from that day i did many question and was able to litreally teach one of my friend to solve a question😊 May God bless you

When I saw the photo of those books I got a feeling of pleasant nostalgia.. those engaging times.. so nice...

This is such great advice. I was so horribly lonely when I studied mathematics for 6 years. I felt like I was unluckily surrounded by a culture of people who 'hate math' which is something that I love and friends never happened. I didn't try, but I should have put in the effort. It significantly affected my mental health in bad ways. A big part of mathematics is communication with other people, it's not healthy to be completely isolated. Ultimately I stopped doing mathematics seriously as a result of this isolation. Wish I had some better guidance when I was younger.

I really appreciate you. Your videos make me feel less lonely on this journey of concentrated and rigorous thought. I too love the smell of a wonderful book. Thank you math sorcerer.

It's refreshing to see someone honest on youtube, talking about what he went through without the usual cliches

Would love a video talking about your research interests !

Nice video, thanks for sharing this stuff

stumbled upon a video of yours. Going through your channel. I'm here for it

All great texts, each with their own unique challenge and strategy needed to get through…. My favorite of the bunch was certainly that Fraleigh text; it is one of the fundamental reads for anyone interested in modern algebra. First time i read and worked through it it kicked my ass. I enjoyed your discussion and perspective as well… you made a new subscriber today.

Fantastic and important video. Nothing contributes more significantly to your ability to do math than taking care of yourself. (Arguably, it's more important to take care of yourself as an end in itself, but I'm structuring this as a math-centric pitch because I know the psychological trajectory of math nerds deep in their passions.)

I don't know why but this video was very calming

I live by myself, I have no girlfriend, and I have no friends. Without math, Mozart, Beethoven, and my cat, I would be the loneliest man on the planet. Right now I am the wealthiest man in the world. I have everything that I need!

This is a great a video giving us much to think about. Not all math people are lonely. Some are just mutually exclusive and Venn diagrams make up their social circles.

peaceful at best, financially stressful at worst, but always lonely

I'm addicted to maths books 😍😍

Yes it's absolutely true, I'm all alone😔. If I look back today what I gained in terms of knowledge, money that's okay but in the bottom of my heart I am all alone. People are getting married, going for dating but I am all surrounded by bunch of mathematics books and computers. Previously I used to play video games but now it doesn't fascinating me at all.

I'm a theoretical CS PhD student, so hopefully close enough to being a mathematician... Here in Czechia, we have math olympiad and many other competitions for talented highschoolers, many of which organize summer camps for the kids. Those absolutely changed my life back then and I have done my best to pay that forward. I still have many wonderful friends from several faculties and universities that I met there.

Keep on being a real one! Thank you mathematics sorcerer!

Playing online games with my friends who have moved away has been really important to me... comradery, overcoming challenges, and being silly like we were in high school.

Thank you so much for this!!!

So few pages need to be studied to understand this subject. A completely insignificant amount of space for this important knowledge!

I'm on a break midway through college. I'll be out for a while. But I went back to study high school maths in 2015 (at age 43), then went onto A level and then college. I essentially put some life long hobbies on hold while I did so. Also, for a number of years, at the weekends, you'd find me in a coffee shop with math textbook open, or in a library, where I would spend hours trying to learn. To be fair, I have kind of been a 'solitary' character since I was very young even before I understood what solitude was; my mother told me about my habbits as a young toddler which really emphasised the point. Unfortunately I have realized over the years that I get very consumed in stuff, whether that be study OR hobbies. Crazy thing is, I rarely suffer loneliness - but it does cause a few issues with people in my life. Admittedly, my closest friends are somewhat hermit-like too, and 3 out of 4 of us siblings are pretty much the same. Maybe my age might also be a bit of a contributing factor. I'm 51 now. I appreciate the fact that your reflections were not peppered with judgements about the rights or wrongs; some of us have probably done a lot of self-judging around this subject (definitely me)

It's not sunshine and mellows on the other side too. You can make friends ,get betrayed ,taken for granted and you regret socialising at some point in life. Books are better. You are doing alright.

graduated earlier this year studying math and made 0 friends in the 3 years, it gets very lonely, but im glad I'm at least not alone with this feeling. thank you for this, and if any uk people here are interested in math and wanna talk lmk!!!

Thank you for this video

Thank you for open about this topic , I like very much your channel !! Doing calculus is tough but I couldn't do it all alone . At least like an student from an engineering degree I feel the company from other students that are having a hard time like me LOL, but I have anothers friends doing very different kinds of degrees who feel more lolines cause they don't have to study with others , they only have to read all alone, here at least camaraderie is generated by having to help each others sometimes.

Same thing with metallurgy - but we had ASM & TMS-AIME - we even had local social meetings. That's the problem with mathematics - you need to have social meetings - quite difficult in these days.

Thank you for this ❤️

Completely agree. Math makes us think differently and when I was a university student I felt lonely so many times. Solving a problem that so many people didn't do it was a sweet moment. Later on I was stuck and doing another activity increased my creativity. Nice videos Sir and nice advice. I hope the same video in your Spanish channel. God bless you.....

Its not just math, people in any field who engage with abstract level work are likely to be lonely because the average person can't relate with their thought process. Its why Intelligent people are likely to be lonely.

Big difference between being alone and being lonely. I like working on statistics alone (part of my job). I get completely immersed in it - it's very satisfying 😌

hello there! I’m a student in Mexico, your tips are really useful but I would like to say that it also depends on culture. In my country it’s extremely easy to make friends and you can make them everywhere, do not limit yourself there is always someone with the same interests as you^^ friends can always make every situation better

Great advice! I wish I had it many years ago 😢

this video feels safe. thank you.

THanks for the video

Thank you for this community

Keep up the good work

i have never been a math person till one day i did the open day for engineering in uni. In those days i had a girlfriend, a lot of friend, i was an extrovert till that day i decided that would be my life. Me and her had a different vision of the future, she was the love of my life, but i left her to pursuit this way. I dedicated all of my self into math, physic, mechanic and all that stuff. Yes i got what i wanted but i'm now a lonely person, i lost her, i lost almost all my friend because i passed almost every day at studying, and most important i lost who i was. Take this type of life it's an hard choise, and i suggest to all out there that want to take this path to think about it really well.

you are the best!!

One factor that I think can be too easily overlooked - most other academic disciplines share a baseline understanding with the general population. There is a story to be told to the layperson about a historic battle, or the structure of a mountain, or the differences between lived experiences resulting in different philosophies. Even in Physics, there are phenomenological pictures to paint, light behaves like a wave and a particle, and so on. Maths isn't like that, in the sense that the interesting ideas often require a lot of scaffolding to reach. Having a conversation about what I actually do as a maths researcher is impossible, it's hard enough to explain to mathematicians working in different fields to my own. Not to mention the culture that has built up around maths in general society being one of disdain - decades of sadistic or bored maths teachers, and parental pressures, forcing many students out of the natural love and aptitude they might have for the material. Because of the failings of that system, people have come to view maths as the pursuit of the outliers, the hyper intelligent, rather than something that anyone can do and enjoy. It makes it impossible to communicate to the majority of people, and it's quite ostracising. Either you force people to relive their most traumatic schooldays, or you bore people, and either way, it's nearly impossible to find enough of a shared background to explain what is interesting to you. The only solutions to these issues are long term sadly. For now, the advice regarding cultivating other interests is good advice. Even if it still sucks that I can't tell my partner, or my family and friends, how my day was. However patient and interested they are.

Love the whiffs and sniffs 😊

Halmos, a classic! I studied from Fraleigh, but still failed Group Theory!!

I dual majored in both Math and Computer Engineering, and now I'm halfway through a PhD in Electrical Engineering. Every year until last year was more isolating than the last, and it was horrible. I'm starting to do better now, but I have a very long way to go and it's still soul-crushing some days. So I appreciate this video a lot

I was lonely as an undergrad. My interests were just so different from other people's interests, and I was more focused on my goals and future.

Have always been both comfortable with math (the "objectivity in numbers"), and really love being alone. As a professional horseplayer it has really worked out pretty well. Enjoy the loneliness people!!

I'm a maths student, yet I enjoy the solitude. Sadly I can't join any study groups because all of the other students are WAY older than me, but having a nice youtube community is like a study group of its own:)

The smarter the lonelier, that's fine with me.

True, getting good at a discipline such as math will usually mean social life becomes an accessory.

You should make a list with books on every level and topic with full solutions. I am sure that such a video would do well. Plus you can link them in the description.

I definitely relate to this hard. I've always been very naturally shy and not very good at making friends, so I would habitually focus on my homework starting in middle school and through high school. I never really gained the social skills to meet or talk to people and developed a lot of anxiety and low-self esteem, which caused me to focus on school work, which stopped me from socializing and so on and so forth. Now I'm in first year engineering and have only a couple friends from high school, I've barely met anyone at university (none of whom I talk to outside class), and trying to imagine getting into a relationship feels like a joke to be honest. I still love STEM stuff and am glad I'm moving into engineering, but I feel like I'm only getting deeper into the cycle.

I love math ❤I am a 53 yard old woman! I worked all my life with physically demanding jobs. Short cut never use my brain, as young I loved the basic math , and today I always come to KZfaq to learn algebra my favorite of math!❤ thank you peace

omg youre so wholesome, so positive

That point about needing to make a change to not feel lonely is important to me.

Concerning the loss/sacrifice of a relationship. It is fortuitous to find another person that shares your love of the scholastic endeavors, and accepts the level of solitude between the two of you. Cicero said all a man needs is a garden and a library to be content. If a man can find a companion that shares this sentiment, he needs nothing.

Watching one minute and a half my head has just started to ache, enough of maths today, thx.

Wow, Unfied Calculus by Smith, Salkover and Justice! I would suggest having a slide rule, too.

I'm glad to find that I'm not the only one who sniffs old math books. It's strange that they do smell good and rich. I still occasionally take a hit off Smoley's Logarithmic and Trigonometric Tables.

Can you PLEASE make a video on the best "real world applications for maths" video? Also your top 5 recommended book on Mathematical thinking/fermi problem solving? Thanks so much mate!

This video hit home. I graduated as an engineer, and learning mathematics is some hobby, amongst other hobbies. But I have to admit that all those hobbies are mostly just me sitting before a screen...

I spent some time as math student and what supprised me the most about other math students is the fact that although they were much more inteligent then me they could not have find any solution how to be more socialable and more likable person as i did. Like i spend a lot of time thinking about how to run the conversations , how to be a likable person by thinking a lot about talks , possible resoponses etc. This analitical approach I think should be much easier to master for math students who practise thier analitical skills daily and are insenly gifted yet when i first opened up about my way of thinking in conversation they were shocked that this approach can give actual results. I think the solution to this is leaving thier comfort zone which is math. Like if throught entire school you were praized by your math skills and academical achivments it's understantable that you would not give up easliy on that respect that you recive while doing math related stuff. So you would stick more and more to mathmatics , you would go pursue it by studing it full time and when you need to move out of that zone you're on unexplored sea. All i can say is to wish ppl with that problem to go out and conquer your fears/fullfil your social needs. Good luck

Kinda glad I’m not alone on this I spend my time doing so much chemistry i bearly have time for other things