he talks so soft and caring that it actually made me cry. No one has ever talked to me like this.

“Forgiveness is letting go of the need for them to pay you back”...

Came from your tik tok that said “trauma is not measured in severity but by surprise”... and I realize that this happened with my father and then again with a traumatic break up.. I was never able to explain this trauma, but wow.. those words moved me.

Matthias....please....PLEASE continue making content. I’m a 28 year old man tearing up because of what you’re saying in this video. I’ve watched your TikTok videos for a while and this is the first time I’ve watched a KZfaq video of yours because this is exactly what I have been searching for I have to begin the healing process the right way. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

he just described me, and his voice makes me cry because no one has ever talked to me with such respect, somewhat care, or softness. this is helping me heal

I’m a 47 year old man with childhood trauma. While I don’t have addictions to drugs or alcohol I do have a a vast history of broken relationships and jobs. I’ve run away from EVERYTHING that felt threatening. Even if it wasn’t. Every argument or questioning or debt felt like I failed and I ran away before the rejection of the relationship happened. I’ve never felt safe with anyone. I’ve never been able to explain to those who do love me why I do what I do. These words of yours are a good start. THANK YOU! ❤️

When you hate somebody, you’re still depending on them for something..WOW!!! There’s a powerful statement if I’ve ever heard one!!!!!

I’ve never once heard any words like this, I needed this thank you

I saw your tiktok on how trauma wasnt measured by severity but expectation/surprise. I always thought i wasnt worth talking about it because mine didnt seem to affect me to the point of breaking or just wasnt as bad as others to matter

You're such an incredibly well spoken psychologist. I'd really enjoy a video on forgiving but not reconciling with your abusers. I've cut my family out of my life and my mental health has greatly improved since but I'm dealing with a lot of anger from being robbed of my childhood and a normal adulthood. I greatly appreciate you and your videos beyond measure. You're helping so many ❤️

Someone please make him famous. He deserves it more than anyone on this app. Thanks for the cry, and feeling of acceptance ❤️

I have never had someone told me that my situation mattered. I had recently convinced my myself that it didn’t and that I ultimately didn’t mattered as well... But thank you. I think I really needed that.

I just feel so distant, and my dads just a reflection of the way his parents “parented” him. My fathers just a stranger that I know really well. I really just don’t feel like I can talk to him about it

This hit hard. Thank you for the cry and realization.

You have to learn to talk to little you. It’s life changing. Figure out what age you are in that moment your triggered and then say everything that someone should have said or done and calm them. We heal ourselves. 💜

I needed this. So badly. I've been to therapy session after therapy session and none of them have helped me the way you have. Thank you for being you, man. This video alone is going to help so many people.

When you said we can travel back to that child when trauma occurred to say, “It’s okay. I see you. I know you” I straight out cried. Being swept under the rug is as detrimental as the trauma. That’s the perfect environment for damage and ptsd. Thank you so much for taking the time to remind us to come back to the present with the breathing exercise at the end. You’re an amazing therapist. I’m so glad my daughter, who is currently going to college with her major being psychology, shared your link with me. Merry Christmas to you and yours.🎄

On here from TikTok! You hit on something deep! That trauma isn’t measured over time, but by surprise! No one has ever help me call my trauma, trauma! I kept trying to convince myself that I hadn’t suffered enough to call my unresolved trauma! I have been trying to manage my anxiety, my PTSD... and I’m afraid that my depression would come back. I take my meds regularly and I do my best to be gentle with myself. But I needed this information, this validation! OMG, I treated up and then felt a calm and a release! Thank you!!

I went into heart failure and had Emergency Open Heart surgery, at 12yrs old. Explaining to some how that caused PTSD is so hard because they don't get it. But you saying that it catches you by surprise helps me so much.

Please do a series on this topic, this video helped me so much and hit home.

You’re so calm and collected that I felt like it was okay to be calm too. It wasn’t being talked at, it was being talked with.

I’m a 27 year old woman who just talked to my mother about something that happened as a child yesterday for the first time and I come upon your video today😭 I really really needed this. Thank you

i am crying so hard right now. Also. I know you didn’t mention religion at all in this video but I can see by the way you speak on forgiveness and reconciliation that you have a relationship with Christ. He shines through you, it’s beautiful.

I can’t even express how I feel but what I do know is that I’m done procrastinating and holding back, I’m going go see a therapist because this hurts SO MUCH and I’ve been holding back from it. I haven’t allowed myself to process anything, I just let everything “go” because then I don’t have to hurt anymore

As a social worker who treats many that are so broken from trauma, thank you. Your words and insight are beautiful and truly amazing. There’s literally no telling how many lives you are changing. God bless you!

tw: assault i genuinely fell in love with your content and I'm so thankful that you've started to also create youtube videos. im 18 years old and in february i was physically assaulted by a man I let into my home and called a friend, and it left me in the hospital. you're videos give me relief for helping me understand, understand my feelings, why i do certain things because of the trauma, etc. while this video is about child hood trauma, it really fit my situation. im grateful for you. were grateful for you. please don't stop what you're doing

I don’t know why I thought I could get through this without crying. I was sobbing 3 minutes in.

The people I was supposed to be safe with were the one's that caused the most damage. Unfortunately it carried over to my adult relationships. I forgave my dad just before he passed away. It was harder to forgive my mom until I understood what she went through with my dad. Scary part is that the trauma repeats itself in different relationships. Never once thought I'd end up in a relationship just like my mom and dad's. I have now been on my own for close to a year. I'm working on forgiving myself for the things I've been through with my ex-husband. Being too scared to ask for help. That no one would believe me. Just like when I was 9 and my dad left me in foster care for something he did to me. Bless you dear for bring this important subject to light. Much love and thanks 💜💕🔥👑🦋👑🔥💕💜

My grandad killed himself, it turned my mom into mean person and she took it out on me. It’s so true that trauma isn’t about severity it’s about surprise.

I think the worst is feeling helpless,going back to being a six year old and not being able to stop him from hurting her in front of me.Or stop him from hurting me,and even now I still don’t know what I could have done.

Thank you! I needed this so much! At 37 after several therapists, nothing ever hit me the way this video did. I will be actively working on forgiving myself and self medicating. I have needed to do this for so long. 🙏🏼

This video was more helpful to me than you know. 12 year old me hasn't known what to do in order to heal for nearly two decades because the severity of what I went through was always downplayed by everyone else. Time to take that power back. Thank you.

I've recently been through something traumatic, and this resounds really deeply. Thank you for giving me a map.

I am moved to tears. I have been struggling with my past self for a while now and this is exactly the answers i have been needing

I sobbed. But you said what I've needed to hear. Thank you so much.

This feels like an acknowledgment done personally and I guess that is sometimes all what most of us need in later adulthood to manage the healing process. Thank you.

Thank you. So much of that I needed to listen to. I see my therapist every week. I’m so glad I listened to this. I’ve always known that forgiveness is for me, but I never understand it. Now it makes more sense. I’m over 50 and dealing with this I thought if I put it in a box on a shelf in my brain and forget it’s there. That would be that. Not so. That box exploded when I had a flashback. I’m on my way to healing and your videos help. Thank you.

i literally had this conversation with my therapist today. your words are very moving and impactful. thank you.

Wow! Listening to your tiktok videos and now KZfaq videos has changed me. I grew up with so much trauma... I ran from it in every way that i could, physically, emotionally, mentally, even spiritually. I'm 38 and just barely scratching the surface of healing and freedom. After listening to you, I realize that trauma therapy is probably exactly what I've needed all this time. Thank you

I couldn't go without commenting on your post... I saw a tik tok on a friend's status about being interested in the interest of your partner and I just 1000% agreed on it. Then because I don't tik tok I just typed your name and KZfaq came up. This one caught my attention first, because it's made me who I am today, but this also helps me to fight for my daughter. I have saved this video to listen it again so that I can journal exactly how I feel about why my past from other people shouldn't determine why I can't see my daughter. Why should my daughter and myself pay for other people's actions and not see each other... This is now a public post... And I never felt to share these things like this, but I needed to show gratitude in a way 'you', Matthias would understand how deep the appreciation goes. This video I watched for free, but the help I could never put a price on. Thank you!!

This was such a good video. I’ve never heard trauma approached in such a way that was so validating and helpful

The gentle intensity of your voice in your videos is itself therapeutic

This is life changing. Thank you. Made me cry when you said 13 years old. My lord you are in my head

Followed you from tiktok. I really love your approach to healing. Thank you!

“I don’t need you to be proud of me in order for me to feel ok about myself” I came to this 3 yrs ago and letting that go was like lifting the world off my shoulders. If I’m proud of me then that’s all that matters.

Listening to you talk about childhood trauma I knew you had to have experienced it yourself. Then you said “as I know too well”. Finally someone who understands.

You, Matthias are a gift to this world. You speak a universal language. Bless

I had to stop the video in the middle because i became overwhelmed with the discovery that i have endured 12 years of trauma ignoring my infancy trauma from being born in china during the one child policy and everything that stemmed from that. this video has done more for me in 10 minutes than my therapist had done in a year. thank you for making these kinds of videos. i only discovered your content on tik tok maybe a month ago but every video has touched my soul. thanks to you i can begin the long road to healing.

I just needed to level set against this Matthias. This isn't just a road map, it's also a touchstone to refocus the work that we have done. You are a blessing.

I am completely speechless at how this touched my soul. You are an angel. Thank you for this.

Please continue your videos. Turn this into a series. I'm finding such calmness watching you.

This has provided a great deal of clarity.Thank you.Much appreciated ❤

I don’t need you to be proud of me to be OK with myself. Wow. I just...wow.

Its like he's telling me who i am, but he doesn't really know me. So beautiful. So much to think about. So much hit home. Thank you for sharing.

I was starting to tear up then he said that you couldn’t have stopped your parents from fighting I really started crying because my parents fight over everything and I feel like it’s all my fault.

I related to this so much! But not in childhood but in my marriage. This was real and deep. I realized i will never get the answers i want on why he did what he did to me but that doesn’t mean it has to take over my whole life. I’ve let it hurt my new relationship but no more. Thank you for this.

This makes so much sense to why mothers with childhood trauma end up being the best mothers they learned the skills to teach and protect their children with from what they didn’t have growing up

I'm here for all the videos for this topic. I think it's so important and childhood trauma has a ripple effect on so many things in life.

You are such an inspiration to me, and many many others. I am an empath who has experienced a lot of trauma, beginning around the age of four (that I can truly remember). I have had anxiety since I can remember, and battled depression for years. I have been learning about inner child healing through different KZfaq accounts for years and been working on healing my own.. I have even gotten my mother into the meditations, etc. People have felt comfortable opening up to me about vulnerable parts of their lives, and I love giving my advice requested. Recently I had an epiphany that I should be a therapist. Your videos are pushing me to stop procrastinating and go to school for it. I’d love to hear your story. But either way, thank you for being you. For sharing your gift with all of us. You should be so proud of who you are. 👏😊💕

I’m here from TikTok and relating so hard. Except for trying to walk back through those memories and portals. I have no memories of my trauma. My trauma is preverbal. I was adopted and absolutely struggling with the trauma.

You are so needed in this world. I hope more people find your videos. Thank you for such a generous gift ...your wisdom and time to share on this forum. I feel so blessed to have found you. 💛

I don’t know how you had all the words to voice everything I’ve been feeling but I can’t thank you enough. Bless you❤

This video was difficult to watch, and heavy, but exactly what I need. I can't express how thankful I am to have found you. The difference between life and death for me, is you 🥺. I hate how the only way into healing is through pain 💔. But atleast, it's a way...😢

Hi Matthias Barker. Thank you for the video about childhood trauma. I've always known there was something deep in me that has always haunted me. I've always blamed myself. I am still so scared to go back and relive it but you make it sound so less scary when you put it in words where I'd be reaching out to a younger me and helping the younger me with the knowledge I have now. That broke me down into tears. I lived with this burden for 40 years. Thank you so much. It's going to take a lot of time but I'm going to try. I am shaking like a leaf thinking about it and just zoning out in a blank stare but I do have to keep in mind I didn't deserve it and it wasn't my fault. Thank you and God bless you and please keep helping other people you do have a gift.

Everyone on this comment section is so thankful for you thank you so much you deserve what we cannot give you you are an amazing person

I've gotten quite a bit of clarity through your words. I also follow you on tiktok. Sometimes just hearing a wise phrase geared towards trauma can offer a different perspective.

I dont want this to end plz continue it's crazy that how u enter my mind and saying how I feel

I love your videos! I have some very terrible trauma that I am finally ready to heal from. I have struggled with mental health issues since I was a kid and five years ago I went through some pretty horrific experiences from domestic violence that do not even feel real. So many people are carrying around pain and are hurting people years after because healing has not occurred. I am going to start EMDR which I did not learn about until recently. I am so hopeful and relieved that there is a way to heal. I have done a lot of work to help me use my past pain and struggles to empower me. I also have strength in speaking my truth no matter what other people think... thank you for being such a kind and good hearted soul ❤️

You took me back to that 6 year old little girl whom knew nothing any different but this dysfunctional life. I thought everyone lived the way I did….had parents the same as mine.

I'm so glad I found your videos. I've even send them to my therapist because she loves to find people or videos that can explain in another way than she can. I love that.

youve given me the one pov of loving and caring words that i never got growing up. thank u sm.

It all comes down to practice, you have to practice and it takes work to love yourself and to forgive yourself once you love yourself it’s easier to let go and to feel good about yourself and forgive others, I struggle everyday of my life and at one point I did love myself but it was easy to slip back into the dark and alcohol was always there to greet me ! Great video keep making more content . It definitely spoke to me .

This "map" as you so kindly referred to this as; is helping me on my healing journey. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me.

Please please please have a pt 2 to this! Thank you so very much! I needed to hear this and so much more. I feel like a ton of weight has fallen off my shoulders. 😢😢

So I may not have childhood trauma but the way you are explaining, introduces me to what has affected me for the past few years. Finally feel like I have a path forward to take!

Thank you. So much. You talk like the father I never had. Well, mine molested me, but if I had a normal dad, I would have loved him to talk to me like this.

You have this ability to pull down my walls through video.That has never happened for me. You affirmed that it’s ok for me to make my own safe place and space and still love my parents through a video! 🤯 thank you💕

I'd really like for you to make a series of this. It really helps me and a lot of others :))

You are incredible. I’m here from TikTok, found you tonight and just, my god. I knew how much I needed this but to find someone who understands or who can put it into words. It’s, it’s really like a miracle.

I really enjoy this approach. Often when you hear psychologists speak about the reason things happen they’re very removed from the emotion and it’s like they’re describing a piece of school work.

I want to thank you ... for you coming into my life 2 weeks ago. Been in therapy 13 years and finally here and feeling EXACTLY THAT not knowing what to do. I no longer have that guilt or shame .. wasn't mine to carry in the first place its was all theirs I did nothing. Now like where do I go from here ... I have OCD my way of controling things I had no control back then i do it to avoid feelings that take me back to THAT anxiety, panic attacks, depression, running thoughts I dont sleep i fight it. I do that cause I was programmed that way something bad is gonna happen Im not safe ... someone will come in. BUT Found out GOD he NEVER SLEEPS AND HES GOT ME ....I can lay my head down ...sleep hes got me still working on it. That not knowing wth to do ...youre stuck and I got a therapist she doesnt listen lol she tries to tell me how Im feelings. Shes not me ...so hope I can trust her before my aunt passed she wanted me to LET GO wasnt of her but of my feelings I stuff ocd do things to avoid. She meant for me to let go and walk through GODS GOT ME so Ill try everyone else has given up on me But God and I havent given up on me ....well see what happens Im not dead yet and I still got time and GODS not done with me yet one day ill walk through THAT PORT HOLE cause Im tired of feeling all the ocd anxiety panic attacks ..I wasnt born with those im not crazy ...I had trauma happen there I said it ...it was just my life to me but yeah trauma has effected me with ocd and all that and thats a lot to balance on top of just living. It would be wonderful to get rid of or just heal a little so i do maybe deal with everything that comes along with TRAUMA you feel so alone and no one understands why you are the way you are and they dont listen dont care and they cant understand. it would be awesome to do this and it starts working cause Im stuck and I know I got to walk through that port hole cause dont know what to do YOU HAVE TO BE THE HERO TO YOUR OWN STORY ... BUT GODS GOT YOU youre never alone so here I go... Thank you

I have to forgive their debt... because my parents could never pay it back or make up for it. My innocence and my childhood was priceless. I’m here though and I’m in EMDR fighting like hell to “make it right.”

The best thing I’ve ever done is find a Therapist specialized in IFS therapy. I’ve finally been able to unlock many things inside that no other method has touched.

if my therapists had been as invested in helping me solve my childhood traumas and looked beyond symptoms and/or what seemed to be and actually cared for what i said (how you do so) i would’ve actually enjoyed going to therapy. thank you for making these videos, the way you talk makes me feel cared for and i actually feel vulnerable because of how you speak, so thank you so so so so much. keep doing you man!!

this is solid insight for dealing with any type of trauma. ❤

I can’t stop crying, you are so extremely powerful.

Thank you so much for your content. It is literally saving lives. Please don't stop❤️

As a 23 year old man now, matthias i genuinely thank you for these videos. I never thought therapy could help but therapy sessions with you would be awesome.

You are the best person to me right now. I found you on Tik Tok. Your explanations make sense to me. And yes I go to therapy for childhood trauma. Thank you for your videos. They mean a world. Please know that.

I'm currently in between therapist for trauma and your videos are really helping me through this time thank you

You're a godsend, I wish you were my therapist bc you seem like you get it.

This video made me cry roughly 4 times. I paused to go back and make sure I didn't lose focus or miss anything. Someone else mentioned in the comments that your tone and the way you speak is so soft and caring that it made them cry -- I had this same experience. It was a little jarring to realize that my caregivers never spoke to me like this. With understanding or compassion. Thank you for posting these videos.

you should do a video about this but of a toxic/abuse parent/other that traumatized you but ended their life. how do you get healing without them or how to move on.

Thank you so much. I've watched some of your videos and I've broken down into tears. Some of the words I've heard will effect mentor life and I hope help me save myself. Thank you

Wow! I am a 30 year old male and have just realized when I quit drinking, what my pains are and what I have numbed for so long and covered up. Neglect and abandonment issues have consumed my life. Trust issues and no self love. This video speaks volumes for me! I just wanted to say thank you!

You are so amazing. You are definitely doing what you were put on this earth to do. So grateful for you.

I needed to hear this. I have never cried over what someone said before.

This is top notch. I love that I have access to therapy and I don’t take it for granted in the slightest. For the longest time I wished more people could experience it, but with content like yours they can. Thank you 🖤

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this really helped me

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything more on point. Thank you.