I chose people pleasing over full blown narcissism like my upbringing before i had definitions to understand it. You are 100% on point. I realized it was manipulative and self destructive but damned if i did damned if i didnt. The lesser of two evils. I didn't realize there was a 3rd option at the time: knowledge + facing triggers then releasing. Wash rinse repeat. 👍🏼

Exactly 💯💯💯

Fear of rejection huh abandonment

This came AT THE RIGHT TIME

Notice what you said You don't fix them you fix you. You can't fix someone else You can only heal and fix you, if you want to hang on to resentment, Enjoy that. Forgiveness is not for them it's for you to let go of the hurt It's part of healing there's synonymous They come together. Harboring bitterness and resentment only Gives you disease.

I wouldnt call it the same dysfunction, i think poeple pleasing is a natural human behaviour that coinciedes with respect and care for others. Its true u can be too pleasing and that can be disasterous, but it is in no way comparable to outward narcism in my opinion. It in a literal sense serves a completely differen purpose.

Amen 🙏

Never had a chance to set a boundary. She left me leaving me with the accusations that I am the problem.

Thank you ❤

Thank you because I have a horrible memory. And And if I don't remember well, I can't be honest and say I remember something I don't remember. And it's never my intention to hurt someone still misunderstandings happen, And people filter things through their own perception / lens... I wish people wouldn't hold things back and just say it immediately when you hurt them or whatever , like saying why are you being mean Did I offend you? Things like that or when you said/did this I felt ... Some people hold on to it for months years and don't say anything and then they explode... This was very helpful Thank you 🙏

Nah , I just want to be alone. And I don't like people in my bubble, other than my husband and kids. I don't even like it when my mom comes over.

"Healing" what does that even mean?

It's true, you don't want any texts from friends. I don't want calls, and especially no visits. I don't want to do anything, or go anywhere. It just sucks!, being like this....

Sickness of the world ❤❤ but it's still true love

You go to hospital to make your child happy which makes you happy

Getting support like this seems to be absolute fantasty. Do normal people get this?

projecting childhood trauma onto others is clear sign of abusive behavior.

I personally do not like small talk BUT its part of my job and I love it.... Why? It opens people up to you so you can have more of a meaningful talk, able to communicate to them more effectively, able to go to them and admit when you done something wrong without them thinking it was done on purpose, all because you started to engage with small talk.

Working in a serving life style you learn how to apologise professionally without it sounding scripted unlike franchise fast food and cafes. Without realising you learn how to actually apologise to people you love and care about, how to actually become a better person for them and you learn fast how many people come to you in trust because they know if you do something that they didn't like... They know without worrying you will listen and improve yourself without an empty apology.

witnessing conflicts as a child put me in a "avoidance" stage in my teens. Now I know when its time to work through a conflict or when to reflect on it and then to work on it. I realised, i shared a lot on your channel one after another, this channel actually helps when you don't realise you need it and it settles the mind. Thank you.

I catch myself doing this and I hate hearing it myself because "what am i meant to say to that" pops into my mind. Now I working on myself on how to open this side of myself up to someone so they can hear me and be able to answer without it feeling like a "trap" or an "attack" on them.

I love deep talks, I don't always know what to say but I always allow them to know I am here to listen and to see them. I won't attack with ideas on a "fix" or how to "get over it" or how to "deal with it", I reflect on their words and reply in a way that it doesn't sound like I am trying to be a hero with the "one shot answer fix all" quote. When people want a fix or solution, they tend to hint it out a lot in their choice of words and this is when you can sometimes gently put ideas into place and I admit, I done this to a friend i care about the most and they took the idea and now the working in the solution for themselves, all because I just listened until they became ready and spoke in a way I knew they would listen and reflect on, sometimes you can be firm without being hard to give them a little push but that timing can be difficult to find and I was glad to find that timing right.

This is how I learnt to apologise after listening to people that were struggling, i may not remember the thing I done or I might of lacked in supporting someone and I always reflect my apology onto what they say without me sounding like I am ignoring any accountability that their emotion might be holding on to.

My goal in life is to just experience different thing in life, this comes from the fact I was able to be with a family that could travel to different countries every year. I ended up jumping job to job, i've seen different worlds from low, from flipping a burgers and packing boxes, to pouring a coffee with art, to placing a meal in front of someone to transforming their garden, how assist a company director. I love experiencing different things in life and one of these jobs allowed me to experience a glimpse into a world of riches as if I was in a movie or anime of a mansion seeing staff in a busy house, having to sign a NDA that stopped me from telling people who my employer. I must admit, these experiences kept me in the moment even though I struggle to pay my bills and keep afloat. I wouldn't trade it, I just hope I can remain in a single job one day that keeps my bills paid so I can stop stressing how far this job can carry me.

This along with "what are you doing on 'x day' / 'today'" and when they hear you have a free day or week they assume you have NOTHING better to do and demand "favours" from you in a form of a request as if you can say No and they be fine so you're forced to say Yes and push anything you got planned aside that could be a "you day" to recover for the next busy time you're working hard.

I know someone like this, she love us all and knowing the bit of psychology i studied in college I figured out the reason is her past and when she spoke about it to me I saw the reason in plain sight... I don't hold anything against her I just try help in a way I can by loving her back as much as I can, after all, she is my mother.

U clearly ain't dealt with crazy women cuz this ain't enough big dawg 😭😂🤣

Okay, but there’s a line. You should still teach your kids to be *mindful* of other people’s emotions. That’s why it’s important to gently communicate how their actions affect other people’s emotions.

The biggest problem with smalltalk is how absurdly difficult it is to just keep it going. How TF can people just keep going? HOW? Where do they find so many topics?

Ooh! Love this ❤

Bit deeper than that, some people such as those with Autism go through life masking causing them to people please due to the complex nature of how it hinders social skills etc. due to the fact that Autism is a neuroligical developmental disorder.

With my hands duh how else would I feel?

So what people should really be or do 😂 STOP OVERANALYZING things, chill this generation

I'm doing things to you because I like you. I expect you to do things for me because you like me. If I'm wrong, I'll just walk away without arguing.

You try triggering people for clicks.Disgusting boy!

Oh bro ,you dont know .Its only a way to give security.People with trauma background dont do it on purpose. Obsessed ???😂😂😂😂

True. I was told this. It made me feel like bad kid.

Inspired!

I don’t exactly agree with this. If you meet someone and you can’t have a conversation about something that doesn’t interest you and yet expect someone else to listen to your desires then how is that healthy? Just sit there and listen because you don’t know if that person has ever been able to express themselves openly or freely. They may have had a life where they were constantly shut down and you might just be their best opportunity to express themselves in whatever manner openly and freely. Be an ear to someone because you never know how depressed someone is and how close they are to ending their own life. Conversations Street is a two way street not a one way street.

The number of people that don't understand what an analogy is, is fascinating. 😅 everyone is so stuck on the gift giving part of the example and not what it really means for other aspects of life. It's not like at the end you clarified this or anything. 😂

Thanks, really good suggestions.

Actually, I like having microwaved s’mores! Put a graham cracker on a plate with a marshmallow on top, and I usually put it in for 15 seconds or so, and the marshmallow gets really puffy. Of course, some people prefer the burn sugar shell but it’s much easier than getting afire going 🤷

Manipulating ppl is easy. I do it all the time. Not to harm them, but i try and manipulate them to like me enough to leave me alone. Not too hated, not too liked, so they leave me to my day. Idk what you'd call that, lol.

🥺

i’m leaving this comment here so every time someone likes it, i’m reminded of this video.

People pleasing, like narcissistic power and coercive control can be an unconscious reactive behavior pattern learned from a primary caregiver in childhood, and adopted to literally survive-psychologically, emotionally, & physically-right? People are not necessarily aware of our manipulative behaviors, but once we become aware, then of course we become accountable to change. I hope people don’t feel shamed when they first realize they realize that they have done or do manipulating behavior. I hope they understand it is a common human failing to fall into. We are not alone and we have hope, right?

Yes ❤

and that's what I do

Stop talking about me! Did that sound self obsessed? 😮

Narcissist create people Pleasers…