WATCH MORE - The Blind Side movie has stirred up controversy recently for its portrayal of real life events. So what's the scoop? Heres our TAKE: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mNxzgpB1l5nLYn0.html

More conversations need to be had surrounding young boys being violated. Too often I’m hearing “oh my first time was when I was 9, 11, etc by my babysitter” or any other girl they were in close proximity to. This is not cool, it is flat out r*pe!!!

She is a pedophile. There wasn't a relationship. Everyone failed this child and it's beyond tragic.

Another layer to the relationship between Mary and Vili that is not mentioned is race. Mary is a blonde hair white American woman, Vili is a native brown Samoan man. Although Vili was the innocent minor in the situation he was accused of being the cause for Mary’s sexual advances, which is what Jim Crow laws used to justify beating, lynching and burning black men just for making eye contact white women. If the tables were turned and this had be a non-white man making sexual advances to a white girl there would not have been a reduced sentence nor would the white girl had been blamed for the statutory rape. I noticed most Mary’s students were white, she was selective on who she preyed on.

The tv trope is SO harmful because the “boy” is often portrayed by a full grown man. So often 16, 15, 14 year olds are played by man in their mid twenties. It masks the fact that in real life these victims are actual children who LOOK like actual children. The whole thing is even more disgusting than it seems

The scene where he confronts his abuser is so real the way, his voice trembles, and he struggles to get the words out. I really felt that.

Besides the abused child, I feel HORRIBLE for Mary's 4 other children! Just wow. Hope they are all doing okay.

In the 90s they said they were "In a relationship." Its an amazing feeling to hear "She began sexually abusing him." Like we're in the real world.

What I liked about the film was that I felt that we, as the audience, were meant to believe that Natalie Portman's character was an A-list actress and this movie she was about to star in was supposed to be this deepdive into the psyche of Gracie, and then in the end it turns out it was just another shallow capitalization of the story.

There are so many men that have been abused by older women and because society frames it as “a win for a teenage boy.” Comedians make the joke “that they wish it was them” We as a society really need to change the narrative that it’s never ok for a teenager to have sexual relationships with an adult.

To give additional context, Vili is about to be a grandpa at 40 - but that's because his and Mary Kay's youngest, Georgia, is 24 and has been in a serious relationship for six years. Mary Kay really did steal Vili's youth from him.

This child/man was failed by everyone, his family, school and police. They should have got him right into intensive therapy so the the woman could not get her fangs in to him.

Mary Kay Letourneau, like most predators, fixated on a child who was already going through an unstable and chaotic childhood at home. This is like a siren call for these people, they start by grooming children who are neglected under the guise of ‘helping’ them but really setting them up to be compliant to their disgusting ways. It’s reprehensible no matter how you look at it. There is nothing redeemable about her or predators like her.

Imagine being raped multiple times and everyone around telling you that you got lucky and should’ve been proud of it.

As a 20-something y.o. teacher, I just don't understand how anyone over 19 can be attracted to teens...they're like tall children.

I wish you had mentioned the FX series ‘A Teacher’ with Kate Mara. That show did a great job in showing how deeply toxic that kind of relationship is.

I watched in horror how in one interview MKL turned to Villi and asked him, "Who was boss back then? Who was the boss?" as she clearly tried to shift blame to him. In a more candid moment during that same interview when he is alone, he admits that he wanted his 2 daughters to have 2 parents which is why he married her. MKL already had 4 children (1 the same age as Villi) meaning that she ended up victimizing 7 children due to her sick fantasies

I feel like society was way too easy on this woman. They looked at her like she was mentally ill, and there was something wrong with her in her head but if it was a man, she would’ve been in jail for the rest of her life, I mean, it’s obvious that when it comes to men being exploited sexually, they’re always overlooked.

"Published...only in France" with a deep voice to show the DEEP irony that of course only in France would this book be published and promoted is - fantastic.

She stole his life, groomed him abused him.. she never should’ve been released!!!!

I was groomed as a 15 year old by a 36 year old man, I really didn't know what affects it would have on me as a grown up. For several years you believe there are no effects, I also convinced myself that it was not that strange and that love knows no bounds. Now that I am 36 years old, reflecting back on my past....I can see how wrong it was and without the right support and therapy it can cause oneself to create resentment, guilt, and isolation. The part about stunting your developmental growth I believe is true. I had to grow up very fast but at the same time I can recognize in myself that I do not have the same emotional intelligence that one would expect at my age. When I tried to talk about the past with the man, now 57,, he always told me it was my fault and that I didn't have a problem with it at the time, but now as a grown woman I could never see myself doing the same thing to a 15 year old child. Anyways, the stories that surround this topic make me think a lot and I am a firm believer that the power dynamics are a very valid issue in these type of relationships, complicated in nature, and leave lasting impacts in people's lives, sometimes impacts that aren't fully felt or understand until a decade later.

I'm not gonna lie - when I was a young boy, in high school, I would fantasize about sleeping with my hot female history teacher. But as an older man, with a family, and who even teaches, looking back I'm thankful nothing like that happened. There's absolutely NO way a teenage boy can even begin to understand the psychological consequences of such a thing, or handle the responsibility of an adult sexual/emotional relationship. Hell, we're still too stupid at that age to understand consequences, period.

Just wanted to say hi from France, you know that country where our reigning president married the teacher he met when he was 15 and she was 39…

He was 8 years old when she first taught him in year 2. She may have been grooming him earlier than he even realised. They say that paedophiles often see something lacking in the child missing some affection or attention. He may have been even more vulnerable than his peers.

I do feel extremely sorry for young boys caught in situations like this. And when it comes to Vili, I know he has to be dealing with some complicated feelings when it comes to the trauma-bonding from that "relationship".

The trope is both mysandrist and mysogynistic. Its mysandrist because it refuses boys and men who experience this victimhood and innocents, its mysogynistic because it treats women like clueless children, unable to discern right from wrong. Whats also interesting is youd expect women to be writers of this trope, but its usually men. Most in the past men that hadnt experienced this seem to romatizise this behavior. That, thankfully has changed but I find mostly men defending this behavior. Its the lack of empathy and this loyalty to the patriarchy, where sex is about power and a male ALWAYS is the one with power. Theres no intersectional analyisis being made. Grown adults need to leave children be, its just that simple.

The victim shaming Vili went through is horriifying, per usual survivors of sex abuse are never treated fairly. Mary Kay is a vile evil nasty person, there was something inherently sick about her, she should have been behind bars for life. Us as a society need to keep kids safer!!!

A teacher did a really great job showing the longterm effects of older female to young male abuse. We see fully the immaturity of the character in their sex lives, the effects on his relationships with intimacy, the way he is fetishized by other girls and boys because of it, and the longterm trauma it took on his adult life.

I've never heard of this case and it's absolutely devastating. Nobody protected this boy. The fact that the abuse continued even after she was sentenced, and the fact that they got married... So much of his life was stolen from him

My sister was friends with Mary Kay and my niece was friends with her daughters with Vili Fualaau. My sister said she didn't want to hear anything bad against her and I thought to myself "You're an idiot!". She's also an Anti-vaxxer. My sister and I are not close.

Poor guy. He never stood a chance. It’s so hard to leave abusers when you’re so young I feel so bad that he was bullied, and that he was continuously, abused in his adult life with her.

There's no way this woman would be looked at sympathetically if she wasn't a blond white woman. She abused & violated a 12 year old child. 🙄

One important deviation "May December" took from the true story of the scandal in the '80s is the career the husband/victim followed. It's shockingly implausible that he could have attained a medical degree, much less pursued a practice leading to incredible wealth. How can a child, becoming a parent at 14, then go on to a successful medical career? How could the 36-year-old adult, who is likely facing many legal costs as well as family-court costs, just sink into the background as a loving stay-at-home mom? It's bizarre that this element isn't a part of the dramatic narrative of the film.

Ngl the trailer reminded me of 2 things: - Aaron Taylor Johnson and the video essay on his marriage - That SNL Skit where Pete Davidson plays a student who gets into a sexcapade and Kate McKinnon playing a distraught mom.

There was a really good episode of the podcast "This is Really Happening" that dealt with a young boy being abused by his babysitter at a young age. It was horrible and you really understood how badly it hurt and traumatized him. I wish more people would understand how harmful this kind of sexual abuse can be for children. Also Pop Culture Detective did a really great episode more broadly on male rape played for laughs. It's the same idea that we should question why Hollywood makes light of sexual abuse against men.

Early in the series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, there's an episode called "Teacher's Pet" where a highly seductive teacher is constantly flirting with Xander. When Buffy challenges what's going on, Xander accuses her of jealousy. He accepts "Ms French's" invitation to her house for drinks. Being BTVS, "Ms French" is a kind of succubus who, in order to procreate, selects virgins to mate with, but she becomes a giant preying mantis who decapitates her stud once she gets what she needs. However, the story does frame the teacher-student relationship as one with boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. The fact that "Ms French" (I use quite marks because the monster is using the identity of an actual teacher, albeit one who is much older than "Ms French") seduces virgins is part of the lesson for the audience.

not just the over sexualisation of boys but also infantalisation of grown women is the reason why the accountability isnt fully put on the female adult.... seeing women as emotional creatures while men as logical and if he is logical and wanted it then it must be justified

We had a case here about 15 years ago in Scotland with a 30 year old female teacher having a relationship with a 16 year old male pupil. The sickest part is that the pupil's dad knew about and ENCOURAGED the relationship because he was also attracted to the teacher and was 'proud' of his son!

I have read a lot about Letourneau. I think it is clear that both of them cared about each other, but it wasnt a healthy relationship. I am deeply shocked that society left him as a single dad of 2 with No support as a teenager. They really failed him

I still remember the weird storyline in "Degrassi" where Sav, a senior, develops a crush on new teacher Miss Oh. He makes a pass at her but she shuts him down. They later meet at a concert, in which Miss Oh tells Sav to drop the formalities and call her by her first name. Miss Oh and Sav then start dating, first in secret, then officially as soon as Sav graduates. It's a weird sympathetic take because "Degrassi" has had three OTHER storylines where teachers either hit on students or flat out date them, and they are always shown as complete monsters. The difference between those teachers, I guess, is that they were all men and in their mid thirties, whereas Miss Oh had stated that she was 25 when she started working at the school and Sav had just turned 18. Miss Oh tries at least once to say that the age difference is a big barrier, but Sav always shot that idea down saying seven years is nothing. I don't know why this story got a happy ending.

I hate that they called it "May December" which is usually a name for an age gap relationship. A legit age gap RELATIONSHIP, not the rape of a minor by an adult woman...😢

The double standard in those cases is crazy like boys/men can also be victims, I'm happy that we have more conversation around this because normalizing a women preying on a young boy is not ok and we see this way too often on TV, it's GROSS

In 2021 there was this celebrated film called Licorice Pizza, and while it didn't have the "teacher" it did have an inappropriate relationship with a 15 year old and a 26-28 year old woman. And they made this relationship to be okay because she was emotionally immature mess, and he had his own business. I watched it and thought it was so gross, why wondered why they were romanticizing this? This movie got 3 Academy award nods including Picture and Director and I was mystified why people thought this was a good movie. Probably cuz it was Paul Thomas Anderson. SMH.

she was just the worst woman ever 😭 julianne was so good at being awful 😄 the actor playing the father /victim deserves an oscar! he floored me. made me sob. this movie is really well made in terms of showing the aftermath of such a situation , having to stay with your gr00mer. you could physically see he was carrying it all in his entire body. he was AMAZING. it also was so disgusting how natalie's character would say that the kid they cast as him, wasn't s3xy enough. like he is a KID he is not supposed to be. and she even manipulated him to sleep with her. knowing full well he would like sneaking around, cause that's sort of the trauma loop he is already in. it was very gross. but si truthful to how people are. it breaks your heart.

I’ve had to explain to so many men that they were abused by teachers, babysitters,etc. They truly believe that they were in control and were “that dude” for getting with the hot older woman. This hot teacher trope is dangerous and vile. Thanks for speaking on it.

When I was 23, I dated a 45 year old who was a teacher at my old school - he taught there when I was a student but we “met” when I was hired by the school. I was incredibly lonely, felt rejected by boys my own age and when he made advances, I felt flattered. I also didn’t know how much older he was until into the relationship. I tried to keep it a secret but he was so proud of dating a younger girl it got out pretty fast. Because it wasn’t illegal nothing was done but the judgement by the school and the rumours that flew stuck around for years. I still couldn’t bump into students and staff from that time without feeling like I’m the target of a nasty piece of gossip. At the time I thought I needed to be more open minded and less judgemental about dating him (whenever I had doubts), I tried to convince myself that nothing was wrong about it. Now, I realise how fucked up it was and I resent him for ruining my reputation because he was a man-child who couldn’t date women his own age. He wasn’t even that attractive. I get so repulsed thinking about it now and wish I had had more confidence as a young woman to turn him down. Victims are not always what you think they are. Sometimes they support the abuse like Vili did because they didn’t know better. I have never spoken about this beyond tight friends and family… even my husband knows this is a topic I don’t like to discuss. It feels slightly liberating knowing that I was a victim. This story has taught me that…. And yet I was a legal adult. So lucky I wasn’t younger

I think a theory worth mentioning (I haven’t seen it in the comments already) is that May December is to represent two things. 1st it’s original meaning of a romantic relationship between two with a big age gap, BUT ALSO to point out the age gap between Gracie and Portman’s character. Gracie is at the “winter age” and Portman is at the “spring age”… but they are one and the same. I think the real shadowing here is that Portman is the early stage of being like Gracie. You can see this in the way she describes getting off during sex scenes and then her fully diving into the final scene with the young boy. You can see her try to do her makeup like Gracie. When she is walking through the school you can see her blushing at the teenagers and thinking she is their center of attention. Portmans character is the spring to Gracie’s winter..

I love how the movie's details from real life references. "Whos the boss" line from an interview and the photos. It was amazing

The only defense I can get Riverdale for this is that Grundy absolutely does get comeuppance for this, by being fucking murdered, in the next season. However, it’s done more for shock and plot than it is to be like “yeah don’t diddle kids pls” like it should have been.

I remember I pretty much stopped watching MTV when the video for Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" came out. I couldn't help recoiling from it. I think another harm it causes is disrespect for female teachers, especially younger, prettier ones. They practically have to wear gunny sacks and greasy hair just to appear like they aren't trying to "tempt" anyone.

That poor boy was failed by everyone

If this was a male teacher with a 13 year old girl or boy, there is no way they would spend only 6 months in jail.

I didn't know it was a felony?!?! Gurl!!!! The boy in question probably didn't even have public hair yet. I need to barf.

I watched May December yesterday and it was so tragic and utterly devastating. I felt so angry watching how he was abused and had his life stolen.

I watched the film and I was so angry, disgusted, and saddened. I don’t understand how people can be so self-satisfied and smug while abusing and taking advantage of the vulnerable. Just horrifying. Makes me think twice about having kids of my own!

I wish the video spoke more about the racial elements at play here. Black and Hispanic boys in America are often treated (and tried in court) as adults. Porn often has the cuck as an older white man and much younger fitter black man. This over sexualisation of men of colour to portray them as animalistic, sexual, savage, dangerous all plays into why white women in these situations get let off the hook even more.

it’s so amazing to charles melton branching out of riverdale.

Riverdale has a double whammy of sexism and ageism. Not only is the teacher-student relationship depicted as some sort of epic forbidden romance, but Mrs. Grundy was 80-something in the original comics, NOT a hot mid-late 20s teacher.

I can’t tell you how many countless comments I’ve seen from men about this movie/this scandal, as well as other instances (like the Asia argento situation, I was arguing with tons of men in comments) saying “this was my dream” , “I wish it was me,” “I would’ve never told.” If adult men themselves don’t think this is wrong, what are we supposed to do?

There were so many real life cases like these back in the 90s I don't know if this is the one I remember or another one

Abuse doesn’t discriminate age. Only people do.

I kinda want to watch this movie now and hope it would be pivotal to debunking the Hot For Teacher trope. I always said that this trope is just a reflection of how misogynistic our society is and how misogyny also hurts boys/men. Because misogyny will always put women in a de-powered status that society has sexualized and objectified female predators. Like it’s truly disgusting how news media would sexualize attractive female predators by posting swimsuit photos or any attractive photo of the predators to evoke the Hot For Teacher trope. Like they are were objects for pleasure for boys and ignore the very real trauma these boys are put through to uphold patriarchy. Although, note that this doesn’t quite work if the female predator is not conventionally attractive then it’s taken seriously.

I feel like older men (including teachers) abusing young women is similarly not taken seriously though. Pretty little liars was not too long ago with one of the most high profile and beloved couple being teacher student (and a teacher who serially dates underage students). I really don’t like it when pple say “if the tables were turned and the adult was a man he would be in so much trouble. I think the WAY blame is placed may be gendered but blame is consistently put on the victim.

I forgot he was that young. Crazy!

is may-december the right trope for this? may-december romance is for adults, not 30 something teachers sexually assaulting their teenage students.

One of the creepiest scenes in the movie for me was when *(minor spoilers)* Portman’s character is watching screen tests of these children auditioning to play the part of the young abuse victim and she complains to her producer that they’re not “sexy” enough.

This is a double standard that also should be eradicated. It's abuse period.

In the “Arrested Development” scene you showed, Lindsay thinks that George Michael says that he wants Ms. Barely as his mom, NOT his lover.

I watch a lot of anime and this trope is SO prevalent. When I have conversations with people who support it I always get major pushback that “I have no place to judge them” and “I’m pushing my morals onto them” The major problem with all of this is that it normalizes these tropes which can then translate to kids being more likely to not see the dangers if they’re put in these kinds of dangerous situations Like I always tell people who push back when I call out this problematic trope. It’s OUR job as adults in the community to educate and try to protect those who are younger and more susceptible. Because at the end of the day, even when I was a teenager, I didn’t see ANYTHING wrong with teacher/student relationships other than, it was an exciting secret relationship

How did you make this entire video without referencing SOUTH PARK? They lampooned this trope perfectly.

The issue that appears to be remedied further is that boys as men bragged about pursuing and conquering older women when they were younger. My ex bragged for years about his 26 year old gf he had at 14; his only regret was her breaking it off. I have a friend who bragged about harassing an older man as a teen, and his finally giving in. After bragging for years about how wonderful of an experience it was, she all of a sudden she decided he took advantage of her. The biggest difference is that teens are now viewed as kids, and most now see themselves as children. Our generation was treated like we had to grow up as quickly as possible.

No cause pretty little liars was the WORST FOR THIS

I just get reminded of that South Park episode when I read these stories. Also, as guy who read old Archie comic books: Archie nailing Ms Grundy is 😂

Really good analysis. I see so many people commenting on this movie who didn’t understand the point. Everyone should have to watch your video after seeing it.

Great video.I’d never see,or I just don’t remember the court statement from Vili .heartbreaking.I hope he finds peace and genuine love

That episode of Buffy has the teacher turned out to be a man eating centipede, so yeah, it doesn’t glorify that relationship and Xander brings it up a couple of times😒

Years ago, I remember seeing a news coverage of them with their daughters. The girls were teens and viewed the situation as a forbidden romance that society wanted to keep apart. Gross! I didn't know that their parents later separated and that the predator died.

I think one reviewer said that the film de emphasized the crime aspects of the story. She did go to prison and the media made matters worse by not protecting the child victim in this case.

Another layer to this is that, in patriarchal culture, women are seen as children/lesser - so it's not such a big deal that a childlike creature becomes intimate with another child.

The Hulul Series "A Teacher" hit this theory harder than any tv teenage series. It really showed the damages of this type of behavior and relationships. Wish you had added that to this comparison. That mini-series was spot on with dissecting the realism of mental and physical abuse the teenager boy dealt with and the teacher went to jail for it.

Really appreciate this video

I watched in theaters a french movie called "le consentement" it is such a powerful movie because you see all the abuse very clearly as a spectator of the "love story" between a 14 year old girl and a very famous french Author. The story is based on a book wrote by Vanessa Springora who was a victim of Gabriel Matzneff. Everyone knew about Matzneff's pedocriminal actions and nothing happened to him. He is still free today and has support.

Thank you for your language around this. I remember this and the victim blaming at the time

If you watch those interviews with Letourneau, she gets a bit huffy at one point and repeatedly queries Vili like a machine gun, “WHO was the boss?” She does it as though to sway that he was the one in control, the one who initiated and she was merely reciprocating his advances. Somewhere in her brain she didnt seem to realize that a 12 year old CHILD cannot give consent, even if he makes the “first move.” Some kids are sexualized prematurely and if they make such a move, it is a red flag. It is something an adult should see as a warning sign of potential abuse at home (or elsewhere), something they should gently and kindly dissuade and then something where they must seek help for that child.

I'm conflicted whether Fualaau should see the movie or not because the amount of pain and suffering he had to go through. I forgot the student-teacher bit from Friends. Always thought it was from That 70s Show.

see now imagine if the roles were reversed, if a 34-36 year old man had an affair with a girl who is in the 7th grade, it would be a WHOLE different story. And she is over here saying "I didn't think it was a felony, but I knew it wasn't right", like it is not just a felony but that's literally sexual assault and pedophilia.

I remember feeling very sorry for Billy and his daughters, AND his mother. I saw the interview of them right before their separation. A guy I dated in college told me his babysitter took his virginity when he was 10/11. My husband had a steady sexual relationship with his older step cousin when he was 11. I kept a very close eye on my boys.

I’m really glad that the trope has seemingly died out, the last time it really happened was on riverdale but it was kind of on the gossip girl reboot too i think, but that was calling out the abusive relationship…so I’d call that a win 🤷‍♀️ I’m happy that boys are getting a voice for their sexual abuse as well because i think a lot of them don’t even realize they were abused as teenagers because they were just having sex with an older woman or girl but really hey were being taken advantage of 😭

This was excellent.

Crazy you didn’t bring up the show “Teacher” with Kate Mara and Nick Robinson.

I know people really loved Booksmart but I was aboslutely APPALLED by the whole teacher/student thing in that movie. I'm glad Haynes is making a film that will piss people off and will get them talking about it, and a film that takes a clear stance that this is never okay.

I was living in Washington state when this happened. So many people defended her , it was disgusting. One of her friends even wrote an op ed piece defending her. I don't think I have ever used the c word so much before or since. It was so awful, even after she was convicted of rape, people called it love. People were actually debating it. Ok, I am going to stop now because I am getting so upset.

I cannot believe this LONG TIME TEACHER and MOTHER did not know sleeping with 12 year olds is a crime. Predators are predators regardless of gender and conventional attractiveness.

This is so sickening for multiple reasons. The trope is gross because it makes this abuse look attractive & "cool." Also, in a way, it's both kind of misogynistic & toxic to boys/men. To think that grown women are "so weak" that a 14yr old can seduce & abuse the adult is beyond disgusting. Adults know the lines & laws, regardless of gender. *If you as a teacher feel attracted to a child in your class, please quit teaching & get therapy ASAP! It is not right or natural.* A child is a child & cannot make those decisions. MKL was a teacher, than she wants to play naive that she didn't know sexual abuse of a child was a felony is just absurd. We cannot keep candy coating female abusers.

I watched the movie “May December” and was so disappointed. I didn’t realize that it was a reference to this real life story until I started watching the movie. Besides the fact that the film itself was boring and the acting I felt was subpar to what the main actors are capable of. I also did not like that they portrayed Julian Moores character as a victim, and tried to make us feel sorry for her. It was so strange she was the perpetrator and they portrayed her husband as someone who invited the assault, he even says in the film “I wanted it”. Then near the end they barely scratch the surface of the trauma he went through. It was a movie that did not have to be made.

When the ages were read I had to pause to hork. Grew up during the 90s and kinda remember this but this help fill in the gaps.

The title of the film is misleading. It implies relationship with age difference between adults.

You neglected to mention that Vili and their two daughters were at Mary's bedside in her final days when she passed in the summer of 2020. Also, that quote at 4:13 was not said by Vili at all but by an "unnamed source" to _People_ magazine, which should be taken with a grain of salt. It could be made up, for all we know. In fact, Vili said the opposite of that when he appeared on _Dr. Oz_ shortly after Mary's death and was visibly distraught about her passing.

Dude the actor of Joe is talented as fuck, holy shit, he was the star of the movie, i really hope he gets to work on alot of projects

I'm going to be sincerely honest. I actually had "mixed feelings" about the whole "teacher/student" relationship thing as I just chalked it up to a case of "forbidden" or "taboo" love. Hell, I sued to have a crush on my 7th grade language arts teachers, and I was one of her best students. I blame the media for making the "teacher/student" relationship salacious and romantic while ignoring how damaging and destructive it really is.