Which one are you? Although I fit into several of these, I lean towards England and Sicily. And, as always, let me know if you want more : )

Scotland: When you're in a medieval mood, but you seriously miss your phalanx formations.

Byzantium: Wants to play the romans but doesnt have Rome total war

If someone´s favorite faction is Milan you shouldn't trust them

*Portugal* “Okay, people, we’re the laughing stock of this game. That’s not good! We need to think of a way to gain serious credibility among the players, cement our name in greatness!” *Someone stands up and suggests* “I’ve got it! Why don’t we conquer the Kingdom of Spain, uniting Iberian-Latin peoples into a single united front against the Muslims to our south. Then, invade Cordoba and push the Moors off our peninsula! Maybe keep pushing south to conquer and colonize the African coast!” *Portugal* “That’s completely ridiculous! I have a better idea..” *Invades Wales for no reason*

Poland: "you want to play as russia.." Me and the Slavs: *Trigered*

I would add to HRE players: You likely have a burning hatred for Italian factions.

I'm the angry Portuguese you're looking for.

0:14 *That awkward moment when Melkor Exterminates himself*

England. They taught me a valuable lessom: With enough longbows every battle is Agincourt

Yes, yes it has always been for the voice acting.

Looking at Byzantium: What the world sees--a declining medieval power holding onto vestiges of former glory despite intense political corruption eating it away from the inside, an outdated army, and enemies pushing in from all sides. What a Byzantium player sees--marble statues adorning magnificent imperial palaces surrounded by the emperor's "legions" (really just a bunch of dismounted latinkon). The emperor insists the dark ages never happened for some odd reason.

>Venice: establishing trade, developing characters... Meh, let’s take Constantinople and Rome at the same 20th or so move and have an agrarian empire with all your ports blockaded simply because you couldn’t care less about trade

Poland: You're either Polish, or watched Battle of Vienna too many times

As a portuguese i can confirm you are absololutly right.

i was waiting for hungary and all i got was hungry joke number 784563373 FeelsBadMan

The hungary joke was just so bad.

I play aztecs But i give myself cheat ships and invade europe

Hearing that Hungary joke as a hungarian just 1 million times is be: :I :I

Spain: it says I like beating on weaker opponents before taking on a divided France.

Moors: you want spain, but without having problems with the pope

No, seriously, what about the Moors? One of my favourite factions to play. Several easy territories to claim in North Africa, and good territories to use as a launching pad to take out Spain and Portugal.

when it comes to people who say milan is op i have ptsd of venice

Venice:you are a handsome fellow, probably well gifted in all aspects of life except respecting people from the Bosphorus. And yeah hating Genoese is a virtue, THE virtue all things considered.

Who doesn’t like playing as the Turks and conquer Constantinople 400 years early with ballistas and catapults? With Spain, after I learned about Charles V, I wanted to recreate his Holy Roman Empire culminating with the conquest of the Americas.

Byzantium, of course - because I want to reform the Roman Empire - spot on again, Melkor! :D And yes I play mostly as Byzantium in other medieval games, how did you know? :D

Moors: Hello I'm Mr Krabs and I like money. Poland: You've listened to Sabaton one too many times. Holy Roman Empire: Either you don't know the definitions of Holy, Roman, or Empire. Or you want to SUMMON THE ELECTOR COUNTS! Byzantium: Because you're not a fucking barbarian!

I pretty much fit into every stereotype. I pretty much only play Catholic Factions and the only time i havent is as byzantium to remake rome and Egypt to defend against crusades. I have never played nor intend on playing portugal as i am not a Portuguese national. A missed opportunity with Russia: these players want to create the USSR and Conquer all of Europe. I have planned on doing this but havent because i cant be botherd to spent the first 100 turns traveliing armies into distant rebel terretories. Also playing as HRE to conquer Europe for the Reich aswell.

I don't like being attacked so blatantly. So what if I pick Byzantium every chance I get. Byzantium foreveah

Milan's awesome for the sheer fact that pretty much ALL the units you're going to use for the duration of the campaign come from towns, and you can just convert all your castles. And your crossbowmen are on par or better than other nations' castle ranged units - all the while being flagged as militia for free upkeep. Also never been to Portugal, have no relations, but gonna defend them anyway as I think it's the best faction - for the following reasons: You get the best rounded armies overall. Every other nation ends up lacking something. England has good range but lacks spear walls and phalanxes. Scotland lacks ranged units. France lacks gunpowder infantry late game. Everyone else likewise misses something that you would want in your army composition. Portugal on the other hand gets Aventuros for their spear-wall frontline, who are second best only to Scotland's pike infantry. They get pavise crossbowmen that are max range x/bow infantry with solid defense and offense. In gunpowder age, they don't fall off like many other nations, and have access to longest range Basilisk cannons. They also get the best frontline gun infantry as Portugese Arquebuses have more armor than other nations' hand gunners - making them viable in melee, especially when supported by Aventuros - and they still have access to the long-range Musketeers for the backline. To top it all off, they get better cannon ships than other nations, and solid militia with swordsmen militia who are almost as good as dismounted knights, with pike militia support for phalanx spear-wall. Basically what you said about Sicily having any and all options available to them, whether you like to go infantry, cavalry, archers, gun units - Portugal does all that while giving you better options than Sicily does. Genuinely don't know why you WOULDN'T want to play Portugal - purely based on what they offer in their army roster selection. Would love to hear why you think otherwise though as I just don't see it. The starting position isn't as bad as any mid-European nation either - since you can conquer Spain and the Moorish cities pretty quickly, and then it's just a matter of holding that crossing down South towards Moors, while Zaragoza and Pamplona are easy to reinforce as defensive cities into Europe. My only criticism of Portugal would be reliance on Castles for Aventuros late game (if you are still using them to counter enemy cavalry) - but that's pretty much every faction with very few exceptions (refer back to Milan)

Papal State: you're playing a hotseat with friends and want to piss them off If you do this multiple times you start to wonder why you are the first faction to be destroyed everytime or that you have no friends

The Byzantium one is way too accurate, I play that nation in most other medieval games too

My type of player: *In cavalry we trust.*

"I bet this is the faction you play the most in other medieval games as well." no I dont

Why choose Portugal? Because... PORTUGAL CARALHO!

its france for me. I guess I'm generally a francophile

Me a Papal States player: Excommunication is good business.

I played Sicily for the first time last week, and i have to say that just as Milan players play for the Crossbow militia, Sicily has these very powerfull Muslim Archers, they are like a slightly worse version of the Mongol Infantry, compared to the Milan Crossbows, they are worse at range, but they are FAR better at melee. They have more attack and more morale so they do not inmidiately break. Other thing, Sicily is kinda the only Catholic faction that can ignore other catholic factions and go to africa/egypt/turks territory This was the only time that i had a good relation with the pope the entire campaign.

I like France and the HRE the most. Kind of in the middle of Europe a lot is going on with your neighbours. They start pretty powerful but have to tend for their borders or your rivals quickly pick up on you.

that's so true. medieval greeks tried to make their distinct identity for their own but yet nobody cared, and nobody cares even now. they're always overshadowed by traditional Roma or classical greek states like Sparta, Macedonia, Athenai.

I played Venice for the Italian militia and its instantly playable, so by the time PS, Milan, or Sicily were brought in my campaign already started.

ngl, your humour doesn't always land with me but that Hungary joke, even though it was so obvious, got me lol.

Poland: You wanted Winged Hussars, and were disappointed.

Holy Roman Empire: You want to play as Rome, but either you haven't heard of or haven't unlocked Byzantium yet. You've also never heard of Voltaire. Russia: You've unlocked Russia. The Turks: You want to play a Muslim faction but you don't want to be seen as a mummy-hugging Egyptian.

Denmark: Embrace my heritage England: Our arrows will blot out the sun Scotland: Eternal Highland Charge HRE/France: Will I face a challenge if I'm surrounded by enemies? No. Milan: I want to conquer 8 settlements in 15 turns, and not slow down after that. Convert everything to cities and spam crossbows Venice: If it doesn't have a port on the Mediterranean, I don't want it Sicily: I own 1 city and 5 castles. How did this happen? Spain: Christianize all the kingdoms Moors: The first faction I eliminate when playing as Spain Portugal: Who? Hungry/Poland: THEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVED!!! Russia: The secret is to have more men than they have arrows Byzantines: Reminds me of Rome Total War Turks: I want to play as steppe hordes but can't be bothered to follow To Nerd is Human's guide on modding in the Mongols Egypt: Come at me bro Papal States: I watched Legend of Total War's let's play Rebels: Rebels in Rome Total War was a blast, figure I should try it here. *takes one look at projected income and starts deleting soldiers

Me: waits for Melkor to talk about the Hungarians as they're my favorite Melkor: makes meta-joke instead Me: bre All jokes aside, this just made me want to boot up M2TW again and get addicted! Keep up the good work!

Scotland: Because I do not want to face the Mongols or Timurids. Lol🤣

Portugal: You are a portuguese national. Truer words have never been spoken.

Playing as France is what you do when all you want to do is spam knights. Once you get Chivs/Nobles it's double the recruitment pool.

Wait, no, the Russia Short Hard campaign was the *EASIEST* campaign I've ever played. Don't go east, just go west. Poland and Hungary will declare war on you anyways, and by then you have way too much of an army to care about them. Easiest, and fastest, campaign I ever had.

I just love Venice because I just like rebuilding the Roman Empire

The first part with England before you said you were joking is actually surprisingly accurate. Whenever I say to myself that I want to get back into medieval 2, I always start out with England to get back into the groove of the game. Then after playing as England I feel tired of the game again and don’t play for a while. So it’s just an endless cycle of playing as England for me lmao.

France steamrolls everyone in late game. Some of the best heavy cav and infantry around. Not to mention a fertile homeland. It's just the AI that sucks.

HRE: you wanted to make Germany great before it was actually a thing

Heeeey, we like moors bcs we like easy gold from timbuktu

Glory to Venice!

Mongols: So you did it. After all these years of pondering how to do it, you finally managed to make the Mongols playable from the start and figured out how to give them a settlement at the start, just so you can unleash the horde upon Europe. Timurids: Same as Mongols, but now with elephants

I never realized this before but the Scottish General VA is Graham McTavish

I like the Moors that means the Re-Reconquista

Norway "oh you have armor, that's cute"

Portuguese nationalists assemble

Regarding Portugal, a lot of us pick them because we like Spain's roster, but prefer Portugal's colours! On a more serious note, Dismounted Portuguese Knights are great in PvP and the only real advantage Portugal has over Spain online.

Barbarian Invasion next please?

Portugal: When you want to play as bad spain. HRE: When you wanna be the punching bag of the whole of Europe. And have the worst final cav upgrade in the world.

That description of Byzantium hahahahahaahah Totally accurate...

As a Portuguese i can confirm this. NO ONE is allowed to to talk shit about Portugal xD

I've finished Hard Short campaigns as Portugal, Russia, and Denmark. I posit that Portugal is amazing: *JINETES! JINETES! JINETES!* Yes, I am that guy. But not a Portuguese nationalist.

I (an American) actually like playing Portugul, at least in Short Campaign. It's pretty easy to surround Spain so you can take them out and focus on the Moors without worrying about excommunication. As Spain Portugul can just retreat into France.

It seems Denmark has high armor piercing to repel a SKYNET INVASION

Apachean Tribes; You like skirmishing to hell and back for like the first third of the Campaign.

I feel like if you play Spain you're doing it because you want to be the "MURICA!!" meme before "Murica" was discovered. Or you just really like men in tights...

Trurly this was really fun video. But in Poland it's more you want to fight any imaginable front. In the west you have HRE, at the south Hungary in the east Russia (and Mongols sometimes) and sometimes Denmark will atack you. At least this is my opinion. Sorry for my english.

HRE was my first fraction i ever played in TW (after Norman prologue), i played it on normal/normal and it wasn't chalanging for me, it was never ending war in Italy but i lost only one starting settlement if i remember and conquered maybe 70% of map, i even planned to kick Timurids and their 8 armies from Jerusalem but my HDD died so i lost that save file

I cant even begin to tell you how the portugal is so accurate. I mean come on, Portugal is great, its like Spain but actually fun and interesting

As a Portuguese player, I don't play as Portugal, and i don't pretend its a better faction than what it is. I just spend an obscenely amount of time complain about Portugal's innacuracies online 😃

I picked HRE the very first time i played game and i didn't even tried other factions yet.

Tried to go on a hunt for all of the Scottish Voicelines after this, need to reacquaint myself with a lot of it.

Niceee. Was waiting for this

Good video but I was hoping that: -With HRE ; Russia or Poland make a joke about append or conquering Poland -With Sicily a tipical Mob joke -With Spain a comment or thought about the Reconquista

As A Scotland main I just want more independence bridge battles and PIKES PIKES PIKES POINT STICK PIKE MILTIA STRONK

3:40 It's more similar to Apaches

Trust not the word of Melkor, the first and strongest of the Ainur and he who brought discord to the harmony of the Ainulindalë, bringer of the First War, destroyer of the Two Trees of Valinor, bane of Men and Elves, and wearer of the Iron Crown. Heed him not, for the first Dark Lord only sows deceit and doubt into the hearts of all.

Well you got that right about Portugal xD

As a Hungary player, I am most disappointed at the lack of mention of horse archers.

"Who the fuck likes Denmark" - Me, a Swede

Byzantium: Ha ha ha. I'm in danger. 🙂 Russia: Don't worry, I'm coming. Russia: Oh. You're dead.

"Hungary, yes I am" Me: "Would you look at that! me too"

With venice is the first and only time i was interested for long enough to conquer the whole map.

Welsh: have long bows English: conquer Wales Scottish: procide to beat them back to Yorkshire with extremely long pointy sticks and a very tall man

Sicily: you are a sicilian-argentinian guy trying to make the sicilian-roman empire (taking the mediterranean)

Hungary is the hardest... thats the reason i always play with Hungary!

And here is the Portuguese Nationalist XD

DAMMIT MELKOR YOU EXTERMINATED MY CITY AT THE BEGINNING. THE SONS OF YORK WILL NOT FORGET THIS

From NZ, Portugal is the best

I love that you were snickering as you stood up.

My first medieval 2 campaign, I played England and didn't get super far. My second Medieval 2 campaign was the HRE, and it was the first and only total war campaign I've ever completed. I expanded insanely fast, taking everything, and had finished the campaign before the plague broke out and before timurids appeared. I had one successful campaign in Cairo somehow, and I won as the mongols were currently shit kicking Egypt right next to me. I had so. Many. Wars. Going on

Portuguese: You want to play a pike and shoot at all cost! Milan: All you want is money! Hungary: Love horse archers more than any. You just want to raid everything. Morroco: "Lol, they have christian knights. Let's make a jihad with them LMFAO!"

Let me tell you that we Hungarians are seriously tried of the "hungry" jokes. Fun video though.

I played as the Moors for 2 reasons: 1) I was tired of the Pope telling me what to do, along with the other drama of being a christian nation in M2TW. 2) I saw they have *guys with guns on camels* as I was like "you son of a infidel, I'm in."

Dude I love Portugal. Best pikes, musketeers, artillery and navy