I can relate was married for 20 years been divorced over 10. The abusive x assured me I could not make it outside that toxic relationship. Absolutely not true. All the cognitive dissonance and crazy making naturally subsides. We recover any material losses and heal emotionally. The real bonus is we no longer have to spend all our conscious time trying to figure these people out. Instead of black and white we live life in 3D now.

I’m being stonewalled rn and it’s killing me.

@@oncetwice5942 that's always sad to hear hang in there.

Don’t waste 1 more minute - not 1 more second than you absolutely have to. Stay well and garner support so you can stay strong in the face of the separation. Stay safe. If it’s been this long, they take for granted that you won’t support your boundaries.

My husband of 14 years has just divorced me....me kicking screaming begging and crying for him NOT to do this to us. I have loved him so so much. I have tried so hard. I can see where i even have self sabatoged because i always knew he wouldnt stick with it. But i was in such a horrible first marriage (19yrs) that i only wanted a man who was KIND! Not rich, good looking etc...just kind and of course...loved me. I first discovered Narcissism due to mine and my mother's problems. It was like a light bulb turned on because she and I had the strangest relationship and I could not put my finger on it. I never even let my head go to my marriage having this issue. It was way too much to come to terms with. But WOW he has been text book narc killing me for quite awhile. I have always felt like a little girl saying "mommy watch me dance. Aint i pretty? Arent you proud of me? Dont you love me?" I was doing the exact same with both marriages. I have 2 sons...i tend to stay out of their life more than i want to because my mother has been in mine and destroyed ...or almost did...me. i love my 2 sons so much. I feel loved by them but they dont take me seriously. I feel like they have no idea what it has been like. And they really do not like "drama" when i try to explain it. Im still in the marital home...his home...because i do not even know how to start again or where to go. No job either. He drives OTR so i didnt know why he insisted on the paperwork. Hasnt thrown me out yet. Sex life has been and still is the best its ever been ...for him too. Its crazy. Im ready to leave. I will SURVIVE! I love the Lord and I still look pretty good for 59. Thanks to who ever reads this. Love you all....whomever you are!

Acts speak louder than words

That particular advice spoke volumes to me too. People who procrastinate but don't follow through are very difficult to believe in and trust. Very difficult if you have a partner who does this, especially if they have betrayed you !

well isn't that stone walling too?

@@Shotzcf no. They don't mean ignore them completely and be unresponsive. Just don't fall for their "loving/caring" words. It's just meant to confuse you and keep you with them. But their actions are always going to be truer than the things they say.

right

I was married 30, we're happier apart now

​@@healthworxwithjenny and your children?

I wish I was able to do that. I want out. I was making plans but when he found Lund he quit his job. He's the sole bread winner because I'm disabled, so now we can't afford to.😢😢😢😢

@@connecticut730 IF they had children, I'm sure they are grown by now and would rather their parent be happy.

@@connecticut730 why do people think it’s BETTER to stay in a miserable marriage “for the kids”??? Do you REALLY think the kids don’t know you’re miserable 😅 THEY DO, I PROMISE 😉

Perfectly said

That’s exactly what is happening to me!!

you have to know the "context" of the situation because withdrawing and giving someone the silent treatment can be from like you said, their inability to communicate, ignoring your opinions and invalidating you, making you the problem. I mean what do you do or say to that person? NOTHING, THEREFORE THE SILENCE. Therapist, you should make this distinction in your videos. Also, its not snooping if you are trying to find out what is going on in your marriage/relationship and why people are acting in a certain way that is causing harm to you and the relationship.

I relate to this. I am afraid to try to talk for fear of being attacked again.

Exactly! Perfectly said!

Wow , so true. My ex of eight years would give me the silent treatment often. There were times where I wanted it to end but it was a tiny idea in the back of my head that I couldn’t fully think of yet

It is true!!!

Oh, so very, very true!

True. But you achieve that after some time being in a toxic relationship. Before it only makes you feel worse because you are a happy person and you want to reconnect, but you don't know what you did wrong, replaying all the scenarios over and over again.

100%

TRUTH.💯

very true ❤

What’s love got to do with it?

100%

And not feeling safe you can’t grow love

That is not silent treatment, I think. It's just a way to survive for you. I believe you do more doing the "Gray rock". A way to protect yourself.

@@illi6188 Exactly this. The “silent treatment” is intentional act, and it’s emotional abuse. _Silence…_ shutting down… that is a trauma response. It can even get to the point of dissociation. Now, with that said… if it’s become something so ingrained that it carries over and it’s affecting future relationships, then it’s something that needs to be addressed. Just because something isn’t necessarily abusive doesn’t keep it from being hurtful.

​@@waynepolo6193wife back door not allowed ect

​@@illi6188wife back door not allowed ect

Wife back door not allowed ect

Suicide not allowed

I get this. I go silent because he doesn’t listen and doesn’t want to listen to any of my thoughts or opinions. What’s the point? He will do what he wants with out a care of my feelings. 38 years

@@grandmaboswell1007Totally agree with this! It’s not the silent treatment: it’s just giving up. If I become silent, it’s because I feel defeated. 35 years

I go silent because of the consequences if I don’t. Then he is mad that I am silent. Reality? I am anxious and afraid and feel sick and dread knowing it will go on for hours. Sometimes days.

Same here. My husband doesn’t listen to my thoughts or opinions so why bother. He blocks me out and does what he wants. 43 years

After I was *finally* able to get myself to leave, the longer I was away, the more I realized just how much those behaviors changed and harmed me. It was subtle sometimes and big others, but he always denied it, and I felt crazy and lost all trust in myself of knowing what was right in front of me. I couldn’t have imagined how free and happy I would be without him!

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

♥️ it’s a nightmare for sure… I did it for 2, 15 year relationships😵‍💫 an 8 year that literally brought me to my knees, excruciating agony with all the horrible tactics of gaslighting, put downs, push pull, screaming then loving, hateful glares, cheating… the silent treatment destroyed me!!! Horrible 😖omg I thought I was going to die… it took me years to heal… but education, and no contact!!! It works because it clears the fog, as time goes by without their evil energy inside you, you become you again, and you can see clearly! You have Aha moments of such clarity! And you never want to go back and feel that pain again!! Even if you miss them, the relief of not having to feel the emotional agony is worth not being with them…I’m doing great now, finally, and I’m so educated with this… you’ll get better love ❤️ I promise!!!!!!!!💥🙏🏻💖

@@slgreetings Hi Mary. Firstly I am so proud of you that you found the exit sign and shared your story with us. I'm happy to hear how someone's doing on the other side of this pain. And I'm sorry to hear how much you had to endure..no one...no one deserves to go through this. Kudos to all of us who keep on keeping on 👏👏👏

I love this video

I just wanted to say,,when You feel that Your partner has lied to You,,they are basically saying Your not really important,,or worth their time.

Lying was the one thing I never thought I would have to face when I met my ex. To hear him talk to his mother and realize I was not like his ex, I just never thought it would, or could, happen. Then to find it so prominent after getting married, not only lying but cheating as well, prompted me to question so many things I felt I should have and didn't. How could I be so naive?? For 19 years I doubted most of what he told me. Many times, he was being truthful but I couldn't give him credit due to the history and the continuation of his sometimes lies. How can I get over this? I feel as though I am being lied to by those I meet and try to start again, or there is an ulterior motive. This really sucks. I don't want to "assume" it will happen but I do.

Being called a liar when your not lying doesn’t help either. But you can never trust anything after an obvious lie. Always makes me wonder.

@@brendaengelbrecht5670 he lies because he's afraid of you. that's the problem. in the past, you have been harsh on him for making mistakes and since then, he is not willing to submit himself again to your judgement. he cheats on you because you're not the woman he wants to be with, deep down. You are in his life because he needs to fix some issues with other people from his past that behaved like you do. But you are not the person he feels happy too or he may believe he doesn't deserve you so he's sabotaging his own relationship.

Sometimes when I know someone is lying , I don’t want to always talk to them. Why would I want to listen to more lies?

Exactly 💯!!! You give up voicing your opinion/feelings and it falls on dead ears. Why even proceed to repeat yourself like a parrot. For example, you ask them for respect and they constantly disrespect you... Walk away and give yourself peace!

It’s self preservation because there is NO winning with them. You are always the problem.😢

Or you could learn to reword it or maybe change the tone to a calm chilled tone

@@user-mo9nh2lv4fand if it is a calm and chilled tone? If you express that you feel lonely and would like to spend more time with them and need more attention, but they tell you no you don’t? “You wouldn’t like it if it gave you more attention.” And you have tried for 18 years?

Exactly-

That is just stepping back and being quiet for a while, isn't it normal to not talk when you don't have anything to say?

@@Tarienidu1I tried talking and my husband would get defensive and would punch walls or sometimes push me around or threaten to hit me.

The silent treatment may be the only effective communication. When 1 party cant acknowldge any responsability in a situations why go thru a conversation that cant go anywhere.

Then you communicate that. The silent treatment is abusive period!!!!!!

​@Tarienidu1 Yes, it's normal for maybe a couple of hours. But for 2-3 days, it's totally not. Now they're using the silent treatment as a form of punishment & that's emotional abuse.

Facts

When I have to WApp him to get an answer for everyday things...

Thats a sure sign your partner feels you have nothing worthy to say….

Deadass so true. My partner does this to me and has for the past 6 years no matter how many times I've told him it hurts me. He won't even look at me when I tell him this shit. He just looks at his fucking phone! He even admitted to me that he's a addicted to it. It hurts me so much. It's killing our relationship. I don't think I can continue it further.

Yes!

I’m dealing with this right now😢

Yes being treated with no respect on a day to day and weekly basis made me feel worthless and turned me moody and growchy..I will never put up with coming second ever !

Can relate to that! 😢 When they constantly blame you for things, you often find a pattern. They look for a scapegoat for their own failures! So, blaming the other person somehow absolves then of any responsibility on their part. It shows a complete lack of maturity and consideration towards you. Just walk out of the room whenever they walk in. Don’t engage in conversation unless it’s absolutely essential.

Unfortunately, I was raised by one narc parent (who really ‘narced’ on my step-parent pretty badly) and my birth parent is an over-the-top narc. I have known nothing else my whole life and the learned dysfunction has seen me in two failed narc marriages (and a third that I am still in after 28 years). A whole life of this has rendered me physically and mentally disabled, emotionally and socially stunted due to all the physical and psychological abuse. As my therapist says, I/you deserve to be happy but I don’t know what happy looks like for me. If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be - listen to the soft voice telling you that things aren’t right, stop blaming yourself and forgive yourself because you tried to resist the narc, get out / stay away and get help NOW. You/we are worth the effort.

Laverne Victoria...you are describing a narcissist. Please listen to The Royal We, Dr. Les Carter, Dr, Ramani, and Mental Healness all on KZfaq

🙏🏼😔

Was always afraid I would go from single to zero in marriage and I did 😢

I agree

As an almost 31 yo who struggles with finding love I really needed to read this...marriage does not always end loneliness I'm better off alone than with someone who invalidates how I feel I'd rather end up alone and childless than with a toxic man

I read this and it really hit me hard! I am 26 and have been married to the same man for almost 9. It started out great, and then of course life happened. He is going back to work and blames me for it every day, even though it was HIS idea. He says I need a "lesson" as to how much he does when I do appreciate everything he does for our kids and for me. (I will be staying home with the kids and working. Mind you I work overnights and I won't sleep much when he goes back. My MIL will help but she is getting older and has breast cancer so often is tired.) We had a recent argument where I tried a different approach and was silent for 2 days. We ended up arguing again and then talking through things but a few days will do by good and then BOOM, it goes back to square 1 and I feel like my feelings or the things I tell him don't matter. It's a long story and it's too much to type but I think you may understand. I just don't want to live my my life like this where I could possibly be loved the way I want to and feel appreciated. I have killed myself trying to be successful and get to where I want to be financially for my family but I feel like he doesn't appreciate it. He always says "you are where you are because of me" He has done a lot for me but I didn't ask for it and he throws it in my face. I hate it, I am scared to leave and I don't want my young children to have a broken family. It's HARD! God bless you and I hope one day you can be happy before the next life! Praying for you ❤

That's me. 8 years in and now I'm trapped. No friends, no family, no money, no job, no education, no skills. No children and this douche bag told me I'm not even wife material. I am taking a secret online class. I'll be out by this time next year. I hope. It's Feb '24. I pray I'm out by then.

Jesus was not killed nor Jesus was crucified

Suicide not allowed

Agree

Read my comment above. You’re correct.

Parents, grandparents ... should be teaching this to their teenagers ...

you know what, i wholeheartedly agree. it’s sad how many parents fail to teach their kids respect for others (and for themselves!) and this would help prevent a lot of bad relationships and in turn prevent a lot of unplanned babies where the parents can’t teach them basic respect such as this

@@cohay6248 key word “should”

God Bless you. That is Truth. I'm unwinding the same things. And this person denies what's clear in black and white

Totally agree, it breaks your heart but it shows them for their true self. Sending flirty messages to other women shows what a plater they are

I agree. I did the same thing and my partner immediately became the victim when I found out about his lies. I am glad I went snooping. My eyes opened.

When I went trough my GF messages. I already had lot of other proof that I am being played and lied to. Our shared friends told me that there is something weird in the way my GF was talking about me behind my back and also what I told my friends about the relationship status they were hearing very different kind of picture from my GF storys about our life. There was long chats with a friend about me on the phone where my GF spoke so badly about me and literally tought I was just stupid or something. I will say that I was so sure about the fact that she was playing me so that gave me the motive to check so I also wanted to keep my psyche in check that in the future I do not need to see messages. I will know if I am in the same situation in future without ever going so far and checking the messages. I also understand that in most situation it is very wrong to go check those messages. This was just an exception for me and I am glad I did it. I do not recommend going to check unless you just want to see with your own eyes and avoid the fight and just leave this toxic situation.

I saw on my exes laptop 💻 and he messaged a lot of women. He even had pictures of him and her!

I agree, its not as simple as that. There's often also a response to BS from partners when it's so bad that you have to cut off the noise abruptly because you can't think clearly/rationally when you allow them to talk to you - like when there is gaslighting/lying.

Exactly, she is very black and white.

Yes! Came here to say the same 😔 my words mean NOTHING to him. So why bother??

File for divorce and serve him with eviction notice. If he loved you, he would be there for you while you’re grieving, supporting you and helping you emotionally. You are still young enough to enjoy your life and heal from his abuse.

Get into therapy!! He probably doesn’t know how to give appropriately or maturely. Get yourself in therapy invest in yourself exercise or go to a group art club/volunteer slowly make a plan if you don’t want to be married it’s your choice

I agree, what a great tool to have in choosing the right partner. Knowing these things at a young age would prevent a lot of heartache.

114w

I agree. All of these things remind me of all the ways my friends and their partners in high school acted towards each other. What a great class this would be

Starting at birth!

Use to be in health classes before 1990. M arr

Yes! You are perfectly right. Actually, I prefer that the narcissisist give me the silent treatment rather than when he blathers on and on like a prosecuting attorney, ( bad ) news broadcaster, gossip columnist etc.

But if this is the norm in the relationship and issues go unresolved, it's toxic. If it's a tool that lets you cool off so you can resolve it later, that's different.

@@JanetSmith900 Read the comment again. "If the other person is interrupting, minimizing, diverting, acting immature, etc. I usually stop talking and/or set a boundary." it is not up to one person to carry the entire relationship and keep resolving on behalf of their partner.

They want you to walk away. That’s usually why they do it. Even if you set a boundary the issue may never get resolved because they have learned their toxic behavior gets them what they want.

yeah i could be guilty of the silent treatment - but not as some tactic - it is more a matter of being fearful of what I might say in response and so the better choice is to refrain .

Well said. I was thinking the same thing. Of all of the people pointing fingers, I'm Certain that their significant other would tick boxes for their experience with them too. LOL Have a nice day.

What works best is when all parties are open to admitting they've made these errors and making changes, all parties are free to raise the issue when feel disrespected. This includes children, who can be taught far more functional ways of relating than is usually done at present.

Totally agree, I have a really bad habit of minimizing situations or deflecting (basically lying) because when I was younger any issues that arose with school etc I was punished in ways that were crazy ridiculous compared to what had actually happened. Lying and hiding stuff kept me safe at the time from my mother, even if I did tell the truth she wouldn't believe me. It's really hard to finally realize how much it's affecting my work and adult relationships. If anything could result in an issue I'll hide it and try and fix it to basically cover it up or I'll minimize it Instead of being honest. It's really hard to unprogram this stuff and I've been working hard on it in therapy.

yes it takes two persons but when one is not trying but have all the demands its bad its hard.

​@@cilaptrcili2429Jesus was not killed nor Jesus was crucified

God bless you 🙏

You're a beautiful woman. You deserve so much more and can definitely do better.

Funny that it took me exactly 19 years to find the exit sign, and unfortunately another 15 to understand that I wasn’t the problem and now I just feel that it is too late to start again because I am 56 years . I just feel like I wasted my life away, and I feel lonely too as my children are grown ups and too busy with their own lives 🥺 Edited for typos

@@neusaleek7673 that's such a hard place to be in. Those feelings can be overwhelming. I'm so sorry that you've gone through that.

@@neusaleek7673 56 or any age isn’t too late! I’m 75 and I’m seeing the signs in this new marriage of 14 months that we are not only “oil and water@- we don’t mix well. I remember after a few months of knowing him he stood me up on my birthday- huge red flag! I should have cut any relationship Hope’s off right then. I , stupidly forgave, overlooked that horrible behavior and the next year married him. What a huge mistake! Old bachelors don’t change they just drive you crazy and you want to die. If you have a way to live apart- don’t waste your life. 56 and is a great age, or any age is great to f you can walk away and believe me they’ll find some other woman really fast to replace you. You weren’t special, just a place holder to fill in the cracks when they had a little time for you. Have a support system of people, churches have free counseling sessions that are really good, imagine your life without being with him. Then, while you get a job, find a place to stay, maybe sign up for a college class- great for keeping your mind busy and begin to stone by stone build your new life without him. In a year of wise, methodical planning with action you’ll see your standing up for yourself and you’ll be proud. After you’ve made your way with standing firm into a healthy life- you can encourage others to get healthy lives.JESUS wants you to love yourself.

El día que por fin os deis por enterados que no se inglés será increíble a vosotros se os dicen las cosas y os entra por un oído y sale por otro a y dad por echo que no voy a estar nunca ni en el mimo continente que tú y quien os haya dicho que yo voy a ir a usa o nada parecido os mentía sabiéndolo porque nunca pisaré otro país que al que pertenezco españa

No es una idea adsurda si no es Mel quien se niega lo hago yo solo falta que les ronpais el amor que se tenga yo solo me enamore una vez pero de una forma profunda y se que no volveré a sentir algo tan fuerte nunca por eso no me he molestado en buscar pareja eso es imposible que suceda dos veces en la vida ya es difícil una pero me basta para toda la vida no necesito más y no voy a ir allí son simplemente echos es loque pasara

,zzzzz : ! !!!

Doesn't matter culture nor religion nor political views most seek comfort and support to also comfort and support as the relationship and persons progress into something better than what it began (prenups especially with no fault divorce)

@@jasonrichard7560 EXACTLY Sir, You hit that SPOT ON For me Anyways.....

I am the same way.

Same.

I think since your watching this,is a good sign.

That's why I'm struggling to leave... am I the problem? My mind is so screwed up and confused 😕

100% sameeee!!!!

Me too. But I'm not. Him 9/9. Me 1/9. Yes, I stay silent when the fight is picked. So he says I'm giving the silent treatment. In reality, I'm terrified. Been hit enough.

Sounds like my life story

These are the same signs when dealing with a narcissist, gaslighter, controlling/ toxic personality or sociopath.

Mine does all of these 😅

Definition of a narcissist!

You wannna hear something, is met another level of narccist. She did none of this. She lied and ignored boundaries cause we were in a long distance relationship

Jesus was not killed nor Jesus was crucified

@@LisaHack-hq3dvthat is a lie straight from the pit of Hell. YAHUAH rebuke you!!!

Absolutely. Not until you love and respect yourself can you ever live and respect another person.

What does that mean?

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

That is totally different and wish Mel had covered that distinction. Distancing yourself to protect from harmful behavior is not "the silent treatment."

So often the silen treatment is the result of abuse and intimidation. the talk about the silent treatment here is way off base. create an environment of non judgement and this defense mechanism will open up like a flower. this person has probably hit this wall too many times and is being used as bait. therefore the silence. no trust in the reaction. too many times this person needs desparately to be able to open up but has been shut down by some circumstance or needs time and patience in order to feel through their feelings. bad advice here

Yes! Me too!

@@maryhogan5487 That isn’t the silent treatment. The silent treatment is using silence as a weapon and refusing to talk. The intent is to “punish” the other person.

@@maryhogan5487 PERFECTLY said! It is so frustrating to be accused of giving the silent treatment when that's not what you're doing AT ALL!!! You have to protect yourself from the backlash and manipulation.

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

Me too!!

That makes two of us .

Sending you love today.

Delicious response! In my first marriage, he tried to get a pastor's wife to get me to return. I told her three words, "He punched me." and she told me that she appreciated my speaking with her. She also told me he desired a leadership position in the church but would have to go through a year of counseling. Idk if he did that.

Mine didn’t change. I noticed had that silent treatment. Thing. Now keeps me in grid lock. Goes in anger fits of rage. Over nothings-

I have yet to know someone who got married with the intention of getting divorced - it is a horrible experience - but it is not typically fatal. When a bond is that broken it is much better to get out of it .

Omg, please leave, the abuse never stops and at what cost, no.

That's a good one‼️🤣😂 I believe I will do the same damn thing. Hey y'all, after watching this it really convinced me i was right along. hearing what y'all had to say it is really heartbreaking for us to be as old as we are we shouldn't have to put up with lying disrespect name-calling silent treatment ,but yet we still pick up the pieces push through it get our duties done and respect the motherfukers that's disrespecting us .Well this is where it stopped!! He also makes me feel like I'm nothing but a pushy pocket. Yes ladies I did tell him how I feel straight to his face and I mentioned the pocket pussy as well....And his comeback was ...your crazy and why you say crazy shit like that .... and I responded 😒 that's how you make me feel and he gets all mad start justifying everything that I say. The roller coaster that never ends everyday was stuck in the same damn conversation not going nowhere.

I'm trapped too. Thinking of you today. Hope you're doing well.

@@Jay-iw4gg Thank you. I pray that you endure with boundaries. He has calmed a lot with his mind being less active the old way. Thanks be to God.

No, treat him the way he wants to be treated.

@user-dd6cj4hv5z Yes, there is a difference. You may like candy or flowers, but maybe he wants a shared activity.

What you say is true. You should never compromise your principles but is it disrespecting your spouse to confront them about their bad behavior. I don't think so.

Dream on...

What horrible advice, women and men differ drastically in their requirements for a happy marriage.

I agree.... they usually put on a fake front

The mask slips when they feel you are in a vulnerable position. It includes marriage, and it can also include moving in together, pregnancy, being sponsored by them for immigration etc. This is why we need to test the spirit and flee the devil. Stop being nice and put up boundaries.

Na they do we just don’t see em

Not true. He started the verbal abuse six weeks in… we didn’t get married until two years later… he started small, or he would be drinking, then the love bombing would kick in…. He was slow to start the cycle of violence… it was subtle at the beginning.

@@Nateandmel633 its the pre-sales pitch

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

​@@hahanicnic818suicide not allowed

Tattoo not allowed

My abuser claims there is no such thing as emotional abuse and because he isn't beating TF out of me that doesn't count either.

@@OffTheWagons I hope sincerely that you ghost him! He will look around and when you are no where to be seen he will think twice because he HAS TO.

Since my father has been so self-sacrificing and so self-effacing, I did not realize that he has also been an extreme dictator demanding that you "sacrifice everything" for him. He really pulled a big one out on us kids.

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

I'm glad you got out Carla. So much of this stuff and ignored and it just builds and builds.

You are precisely right. I've been doing this for the last couple of years and hard to believe the peace clarity and order. The time we wasted coddling and burping those babies. The good news is all of that time goes back into our personal accounts to use how we want.

I’m here for the same reason. (Dysfunctional childhood, etc.). I failed most 😞 BUT now I know what to work on! I plan on showing partner too, and he can probably squeeze in more negative behaviors I’m unaware of! 😂

Wife back door not allowed ect

Can I ask, if he was commuted to change did not disrespect you. Do you think you could ever forgive and move forward?

I'm there. I am right there. It didn't take twenty years but I have been in one long exhausting contention for almost ten now and I'm spent but holding onto my pride by holding on to what I believed was true about him. I still want what he sold me to be true and not what I see

I hope you are doing well.

I'm going through this too. I will tell you the longer you are away you're going to go through a crazy transformation with yourself. Focus on you, get hobbies, make yourself happy and enjoy being away.

Yep, 22 years it took, I'm firing up the solicitor tomorrow. The partner crossed the line I set months ago and I told her 'that's it', now she's dishing out the silence treatment again, it's not affecting me anymore. I just want to get rid of her asap now and end this childish disrespectful situation I'm in.

Pues primero se pregunta yo desde luego no de coña me acerco más a semejante nido de víboras es alucinante me indultais me puteais lo que os sale de la polla y aún pensIs que voy a ir allí estáis tontos o que? Por qué debería ir por vuestra simpatía ? Por todos los papeles que ha eis creado o si no voy a la cárcel?,por qué me voy a casar ? Jjj por favor os dije que antes moriré pero haciendo público todo lo que hacéis ya sabéis que me atrevo a contarlo dudáis de que me mataría encantado si con ello destapó lo que sois ? Vosotros mismos no me dais miedo y la tía está no la tocaría ni con un palo jjjj

Nunca me habría prestado a algo así es una farsa que insulta lo más profundo de una relación y no habría permitido que otra persona sufriera por mi y supongo que a Mel tampoco le hizo mucha gracia espero que olvidéis está tontería y sdais muy felicessuerte y riñela muy suave que ella seguro que también sería un saludo

Such a amazing video💕❤️💕❤️

I notice there's a WhatsApp bot on youtube that pops up whenever someone shares something really positive and heartfelt and high vibration. I do not think it's a coincidence.

Cool... As for me, I can't even finish a sentence. lol, sad but true.

How did you get through to them. I am trying but so difficult 😪

@@christinavain2689 what do you mean by how did I get through to them?

Amen!! I’m so glad you leaned on the lord! Make NO man your savior. I to was in a horrible relationship trying to please someone I would have never been good enough for! I called on the lord and he answered! I got out of this relationship with the lords help!!God restored my strength and I made HIM my lord and savior instead of that man!! My life has never been this peaceful! When you know better you do better and you make BETTER DECISIONS!GLORY TO GOD!!Call on the lord people!!!

@@christinavain2689God

@@lizettenovelo1God

Jesus was not killed nor Jesus was crucified

@TS, My motto is, "...it may hurt me (to leave) but I'll get over it!" 🙏😇💖🙌🙌🙌😺

YEAH and your to emotional but they start the shit

I’m in the same situation with my 7yr fiancé. He is pushing me further and further out the door and acts like I’m paranoid! Says nothings wrong but is acting very strange like he doesn’t care or doing something behind my back! Silent treatment! 🙏✊

I would argue that silence saves you saying the wrong thing plus all the things above, and is also a last resort when every rational, reasonable and a serious attempt at logical argument has failed. I've been there and there is no point in discussing with someone who doesn't want to listen.

I think the “silent treatment” is different than taking a breath or a break from a conversation… you’re talking about two different things. As I understand, the “silent treatment” is a form of manipulation where the person is trying to control the other person, get back at them (make them suffer), or control the outcome of a disagreement. With this form of manipulation, the person is turning away from the other person; they are not trying to connect and reconcile differences. However, it’s completely different and normal when couples decide to take a break from a disagreement because the conversation is getting too tense. That is healthy and working together to work through things in the most peaceful way… And of course, when they are ready, the couple revisits the topic and hopefully comes to a peaceful resolution that strengthens the relationship.

Yes, that is self-care. I do it all the time along with gray rock (being really uninteresting so they don’t want to talk to you) with high narcissistic trait husband.

I agree. When talking is vulnerability to gaslighting and manipulation, silence is your protection

@@yvonnes7412 You nailed it with your descriptions

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

Check #3, #6, and #6

Yes! "Be willing to change yourself and expect the changes you need to see."

Yeah men too you ffffing women cheat more than men get over yourselves your behavior is worse than men's quite alot

It makes sense an no gender intended my memory is not selective all those points make sense.Your either crazy like Narcissist or neurotic an you blend well or you just get labeled as you say an you move on.Having a Soul mate is not superficial I had a vision of woman I was to meet one day years later we met an violently moved through our worldly family no kids about 2 years of marriage an it's failing. I just don't measure up like naked baby in hell stuck in my infancy an infantile life.Well it can just go blow somewhere else got it ladies adios!

With #2 one does not need to deal with anyone that has put hands on you or threatened you. (In any form of a relationship not just partner)

I’m stuck until September …and find a place on my own. I also have a four year old I have to make sure is well taken care of in this mess.

My young son ( 24 just)shot himself in the head last month - ran out in the woods. His girl friend had to pull up back in my driveway with her new boy friend. She was disrespectful. I found out from his friends. His father wasn’t any help either. The girl was living at my place. And cheating. Was a past Buffalo any. Pole dancer. Watch who your kids date. - Allison Norman was her name now lives in fla

@@laurieclark2456 I’m so sorry about your son! 😔I believe in karma and it will catch up with her soon enough.

@@bathemeinchampagne Thank you!

So true

Buying heat for the house is a big decision shouldn’t have to talk about it!! Needs to be done or your going to freeze

No contact ❤

If you wanted independence you should have stayed single you got in to a relationship not even knowing it's a partnership a relationship means two people becoming one maybe before criticizing ur partner maybe be honest with your self and be like hey I didn't know that these expectations were expected ina partner ship aka a relationship I don't know I'm not saying your one hundred percent wrong maybe you should do some research and talk to people you can trust and be honest with ur self and ur other half yeah I don't know why you are or were ever in a relationship if u wanted independence you shouldn't have agreed to a relationship I mean I get u have to be self sufficient but independent means without anyone elses input or help just saying good luck to you

I think 1-8 well you have to cross boundries in order for 1 through 8 to occur. Not criticizing just trying to frame it, out loud in writing that way so I can better remember it. 🤙

You are right that was me and I left. We have two daughters and I just couldn't stand them watching all the arguments. Once this super Christian woman got started on her fits there was nothing could be said or done to stop her. It was constant.

Exactly. If youve got in an argument and one party starts taking it too far then silent treatment is definitely appropriate. A simple "thats inappropriate, we can talk again once youve calmed down and want to discuss the actual issue." and wait for them to come to you to calmly discuss it.

I had to utilize this tool in order to hold my peace in my last relationship. I got worn out from constantly defending myself & integrity. Ultimately had to ghost her completely.

Right! I would be quiet because I didn't want my daughters exposed to constant bickering and yelling. Once they get started there's not much you can do unless you like to fight too.

He says, there i go again, thinking and saying things that are crazy. Discounting my feelings and not expressing any emotion.

I hope you were able to collect those pieces and build something beautiful with them for yourself. I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself. I wish I could leave. You are so unbelievably lucky. Please do not go back.

If he's indifferent you disrespected or betrayed him using a KZfaq or suggested test to see if he loves you, I'm that guy that's watched how women ruin relationships taking poor advice.

@@jasonrichard7560 why do you making up a story about something you don't know? And then think it's a good idea to share this imaginary story?

Yup, stayed with somebody like this over 12 years. I had emotional breakdown from it about 4 years ago, still trying to pick myself up. Being invalidated that long really messed me up.

@@krystalgardiner5591 I'm sorry this happend to you. I wish you'll find your peace. Do you have any emotional support rn? Friends, family, maybe some psychologist?

@@jasonrichard7560 You're immature.

Starting at birth!

100% agree

No they’d rather teach the 62 different genders and cross dressing

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

100% Great Work Keep ! Lots of Love Mel.

❤❤❤❤❤

Could you not have worked out the issues?

Wife back door not allowed ect

Imagine being lied for 6 straight years. I feel like your brain stops working.

It's the toughest & most damaging thing a person that says they "love you" is to tell lies. It messes you up in all kind of ways and so hard to come out of. Prayers for everyone going through this.

Its always funny how they love doing the silent treatment and you're supposed to take it, but when you give it back, they can't deal

I stopped talking when it became obvious talking about the weather doesn’t solve problems. He attacks me with personal insults instead of working with me to fix what’s wrong. It’s exhausting.

Stacy, I am in the same boat. I don't think she has an answer for us. I can't leave my relationship. The only way I can survive is to be quiet. If you find an answer to this please let me know. You alone can not fix the relationship....just learn survival.

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/g955o9eSqc26m40.html

@@marianmartin9441 I agree with you. Certainly many of the behaviors described deserve a response of silence because any attempt to communicate will be met with further, disrespect via negativity, put downs, lies, blaming, criticism etc.

same in my case its hard watching cildren watching this ,i also dont want to do that to kids i know its wrong i was in the broken family so i dont want them to get through same childhood that will for sure afect them.

I'm currently working out how I'm going to proceed in my marriage. The phrase I've used in the past which I think is relevant here is: "I don't want a 'wife', I want a partner", meaning someone who I can count on to navigate the challenges of life. I've never felt she had my back or support. Over the past 25 years it's been more of a master-servant relationship. As long as I 'serve' her needs there's (relative) peace. Well, I am no longer willing to play that role of servant.

​@@parvent3556I hope you make it out. She is throwing away what I feel most desperate to have. I was told he would never marry a b@#$& like me. No children. Completely ignored every time he around. Some people have everything and they are so spoiled and just oblivious to all their riches. The feeling of being thrown away is so incredibly painful. I hope you make out.

Only way to go

Using a grey rock method against a narc is NOT stone walling… it’s NOT wrong to avoid conflict.

Wife back door not allowed ect

Sadly I've been through this & am still going through it.

This really sucks because it will never matter how much u love them it doesn't matter to them

This is so true. It's not actually anybody's fault, because nobody is aware of the damage that they are doing. Also, healthy role models are like a needle in a haystack. It's extremely difficult to find them and absorb from them

Sorry to hear.. 12 years for me.

@@juliahuynh9592 15 years, my stress level was two thousand percent, he died, and the day after the funeral I woke up and took a breath freely and stress free, I cried when I realized what I DISRESPECT I had survived

Happy for you dear@robbiNdebi, stay safe 🤜🤛🤞

And I'm sure you had no red flags Ms perfect

@@versatileduplicity9313 What an oddly defensive comment. I genuinely hope you're feeling better today. Best wishes.

Yes I’ve heard this exact response also, like I give you the silent treatment because it’s better than what I would say to you. Idk I just dislike that attitude so much. It makes no sense.

@@Livelaugh44 right and the thing is, he wasn't repressing... repressing himself would indicate that I didn't know he was punishing me with the silent treatment!

I had the same husband. Divorced one month now...hard to understand

My husband has the same bad attitude about his silent treatment. 😖

Just like mine!! He did it NOT TO HURT ME,as in he was so angry upset that he did not want to say anything he would regret. Total BS. If this was the case why did he stonewall his daughter too,who was totally innocent? No it was like a holiday for him. No responsibilities, nothing. He would spend days on his PC. Upset my ass - how could i be so stupid?!

So, have you left him yet?

​@@kylorenthehusky2584Yes, we need to know. We need an update?

I'm so sorry 😞

My sister just recently divorced her husband of 38 years. She decided she was done and exploded. I kept telling her to slow down and come up with a plan first but being a narcissist herself couldn’t wait. It turned out ok as they had a lot of assets but man that was tough to watch! It is a emotional roller coaster (I went through it also) but living without the day to day stress is worth it. I’d say talk with friends about all the details because even her grown kids didn’t want to listen to her. Her ex told the kids that he had no idea why she wanted a divorce. 🙄 Haha, yep he’s a narcissist also. Good luck and stay strong!

Hang in there my friend. If you don't have to leave asap and leave when You know your ready it's a little bit easier but hard getting to that final point of being Done

@@cynthiahippe1087 the grass is always greener on the other side.

I hope you are well. I sent a powerful prayer your way because God knows who you are and what you need. HE loves you and do not want you to suffer. Please trust the guidance HE has put in you.

I have the same situation with both my sister and mother. Been that way my whole life with both of them being the domineering, bullying, chronic compulsive gaslighter, and needy attention seeker who has tantrums when she can’t get her own way and gives the silent treatment and cold shoulder, even disowning. When they are actually speaking to each other (or to me) they tell fake stories about our past (outright LIES), brag and exaggerate about themselves, blame the other or anyone else but themselves for their problems, interrupt and talk over whoever else is speaking and try to turn the conversation back to talking about themselves, name call and put down each other (or me) and try to impose their very vociferous opinions on each other (or on me) and tell each other how they “should” act or live or dress or think or decorate their house or whatever the subject is and constantly criticize and belittle every detail of each other’s and my life. I know they do it to make themselves feel superior and try to cover up their own crappy lives and low self esteem, and they’re jealous that I have a good life and a good marriage of almost 30 years (they’ve both been divorced a couple times and had many failed relationships). It’s infuriating. Our Mom is 79, Sister is 61 and I’m 57. Four years ago I finally put my foot down and told them I refuse to be treated like shit by them anymore and will no longer tolerate the way they behave and the way they speak to and about me and the way they treat me and if they can’t be polite and civil and respectful then they can no longer be a part of my life and good luck to them, I wish them well and have a good life. My sister stormed off in a huff and went back home out of state and I haven’t heard from her since. I just shake my head and walk away and go live my own life without them, but it’s incredibly frustrating and sad whenever I have to deal with either of them. It’s been 4 years since Mom and I both last spoke with my sister after her last blowup, but honestly I’m so much happier and better off with her NOT in my life. I wish she would have taken Mom with her instead of leaving her with me! However our grandmother was still alive and Mom was her caregiver at the time (poor Granny). I may have to drop Mom on sister’s doorstep with a note, a blanket and a sandwich soon! It would be well worth the gas and the long, annoying drive to give them both what they deserve…each other!

Simply cut them off.🙄

@@dohnutz8452 sad story. Just let them know the door is opened when they are willing to apologize for hurting you so you don’t have any regrets. It’s all you can do n you will feel better knowing that you didn’t kick them out of ur life for no good reason. Its too hurtful to bear the things you feel n hear.. If they want to hash things out they must go forward with a promise to only discuss personal problems with you directly face to face if possible. Hope it works out. Losing family is very painful. Everyone loses. Good luck.

@@dohnutz8452 this hit me hard-very similar feelings

Oh I so relate to this.

That's your peek at how he is gonna flip out if you leave. Oh it'll be worse. That man has a violent reaction to losing control. You need to leave obviously but I know it's not just that easy. You need to keep an adult witness around you at ALL TIMES. he will try to have you arrested. It happened to me. My daughter was 3 months old, I was packing to leave, he called the cops and said I was blocking his exit. He grabbed my car keys and was going to throw them in a river, I blocked the door so he couldn't. Well he told cops I was blocking door to prevent him from leaving. Not true but I did admit I was keeping him from leaving. I was arrested. That baby is now 14 and I never got to hold her again after that night. Please please learn from my story. Do not lose that little girl, you may never get her back if you get arrested for DV. Keep a witness (not a child) or put hidden cams in house or keep phone recording 24/7

My bf said i should go in coffin with my dead mother bringing those we lost sgainst us is evil hope my mum starts to haunt him

@@saprogrammer2702 That’s an absolutely horrible thing to say to your wife! I think you lack any empathy whatsoever.

I know how that feels,since my dad died, I have no one left. And they know it hurts. I hope you leave peacefully, and heal in time.

By the sounds of it you should have have left a long time ago, any man who would say something like that does not deserve to be loved by you or anyone, and I am a man.

@@saprogrammer2702 Hope you were being sarcastic, otherwise you are seriously pathetic.