I'm 44 year old and suffered for the last 30 years I was 14yo when it started because of childhood trauma ( the worst kind of trauma imaginable) my life is truly awfull , apparently my doctor said I suffer from health anxiety, panic disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorders, depression, panic attacks, agoraphobia, insomnia, constantly worrying about me health , I have no interest of doing anything, I don't laugh at what most people find funny, I'm always tearful, always tried with no energy what so ever , as soon as I stand up I feel dizzy , heart racing shaking, chest pain, shortness of breath and high BP but doctor said I do not have hypotension, I'm always fearing the next panic attacks, I have had bloods done and ECG and even went to see a neurologist, all came back normal results, I just can't seen to shake off the feeling of doom and dread , the only way I can explain how I feel is " imagine going in to a bar and you see your friends at the back of the bar at the far end of the room , you see them laughing and fooling around enjoying themselves, and there is a smoke machine filling the bar with smoke , but the smoke is black and I can't see nothing sound me apart from a falling feeling , deeper in to the black hole filled with smoke , in the distance and hear the happiness from my friends but I can't find then or join them , I'm getting dragged deeper in the hole with the vision of unknown hands dragging me down and deeper and deeper in to the black smoke filled hole , I'm screaming for help but my voice is muted and I'm trying to pull myself out of the hole but it's like I'm trying to get out of black thick oil that's filled the hole along with the black smoke , I want to laugh with my friends but my thoughts and racing heart and my constant battle with the black hole depression is making me that exhausted and tired I just don't have the energy, this is the only way I can explain how I am feeling , when I do want to do something my anxiety thought pop into my head ( I call him sooty) sooty says " your not going anywhere, your not going to enjoy it , I will make sure of it " then I will have an image in my head ( not literally an image ) but like I can see the scenario in my head ( for example) going in the the store and while in in the store I can see myself ( in my head not literally) in the store floor with paramedics surrounding my working on me with machines and wires everywhere trying to resuscitate me after a heart attack or a stroke, while my partner is looking over my crying and surrounded by on lookers , them my heart raced feel dizzy sweating , feel sick vision blurry , stuttering and can't get my words out , headaches churning tummy , and the fear of a panic attack while feeling like my whole body is literally shutting down, so I just sit and cry while curled up in a ball day in day out and constantly sleeping not because I'm sleepy but because when I'm not awake I don't feel the suffering, I am so alone and just see the four walls in my living room 24/7 , even just walking to the kitchen to make a coffee is a living hell as soon as I stand I feel dizzy start sweating BP goes up to around 187/107 and pulse 136 on average ( my doctor said it's just temp spikes because if anxiety and the fear of doing stuff the making my BP spike) when I'm sitting my BP is around 117/72 and resting heart 68 to 79 . I don't drink and stopped smoking and I have been in Zoloft/ sertealine but it gave my diarrhoea between 8 to 12 times a day constantly for 10 weeks so the doctor took me off them , they didn't change a thing and did not improve my mental health infact I fell worse , my doctor now wants me to try another SSRI called fluoxatine/ Prozac but I'm not going to take it as it's another SSRI so I can see the diarrhoea starting all over again , I'm currently on week 2 of CBT THERAPY with a therapist, and I really don't know what else to do, my friends say my appearance has changed and I look tired and warn out ,I have even started to get like a dermatitis like patches on my face and head , apparently due to high stress, I have seen a neurologist too because when I partly smile my face goes into spasm like a tremor almost like a hemifacial tremor, mainly my right side of my face near my jaw feel like it's dropped and lips and mouth feels droopy ,along with a stuck feeling in my throat, I literally feel like my body is dying , I have days where I even struggle to move my body arms legs and even turn my head I'm that warn down I'm 44 and feel like I'm 102yo old man , this really is a living hell , I can honestly say in my life I have never experienced happiness or the happiness feeling I truly do not know what that feels like I cannot remember the last time a laughed or smiled, I look out my window in the morning at people getting in there cars for work and smiling at there loved one while they head off to work or go for trips and days out with there loved ones will tears and running down my face crying because I'm so envious and jealous that I can do that or would love to do that ,I feel so lost in the smoke and can't find my way out. Someone please listen and help me I don't want to be or feel alone any more. When my attacker went to prison it said in the papers " perpetrator gets 18months , victim does life " how true this is .I can't work , I'm on disability, I financially struggle to make ends meet and don't trust anyone, it's a living hell, all I want is to experience some form of life as I don't know how to or know what that's like .please help me I feel so alone and lost.

Thank you dr. Nader especially for explaining the faulty belief that life is unbearable if it's not the way I would like it to be. I realized that I had this belief looking at other people. I was thinking, they're in a relationship, they have a good job, they must be really happy. If I only could get there I would be too. Your explanations helped me a lot to feel more at peace with myself.

Thank u for talking about this.

Thank you Dr Nader I find your videos really helpful. I've had depression on and off for 10 years, and one of the things I struggle with a lot is dealing with the cognitive decline associated with depression, something I've struggled with long term. This usually manifests as memory loss, trouble dealing with problems I would have previously found easy and a lack of focus on intellectual challenges I would usually have enjoyed, preventing me from engaging in lots of my usual hobbies. Do you have any plans for a video on tips to accept and or mitigate cognitive declines?

Amazing video and helpful , thanks for the time and effort

It's very informative how these thought processes interconnect and overlap. Today, the false assumption of suffering's un-bearability resonates with me. Your talk points me to viewing all things in life holistically. And it reminds me of a quote from CS Lewis which may not resonate for everyone but rings true for me: “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” The language might be harsh for some but I think the underlying point is good.

I need someone stronger, more capable or more powerful than myself to TEACH me what I've missed.

These videos are cozy

What do you think about success and getting rich, this is what everyone talks about or presses on other people

four notion from your video maybe is associated with Dependent personality disorder (DPD)

Hi Rami, whenever i post any question down to the comment section on any therapist video, I later feels like 'is she/he good at treating?' 'Is she/he have a good experience?' 'Do he/she treat all mental problem?' really? Maybe not.really?maybe not. I am feeling this kind of negative thinking pattern. So what type of mental problem is this?

Thank you. Which of your videos would be best for me to focus on? I lost my partner suddenly 2 years ago and it feels like yesterday. I am still sad and depressed although now functioning. Life seems sad and grey. I’ve tried so hard to fix my feelings in fact studying everything I can find on grief and can’t understand why I can’t feel better. I’ve watched most of your depression videos and they are fantastic. If you could direct me to which to focus on I would be grateful. 🌹🌹🌹🩸🩸🩸