Whoever wrote the script for Portal's characters is a freakin' genius.

Am I the only one who finds this legitimately inspirational rather than funny?

To those of you who are speculating about what Cave Johnson is talking about: In the previous recording, he talked about buying 70 million dollars worth of moon rocks, grinding them up and mixing them into a portal-conductable gel. This is the white substance that makes black surfaces white and which you can use to make portals. However, it turned out that the moon rocks are poisonous - Cave Johnson got ill by the exposure to the substance. He said that he will conduct experiments with those "new" portals to see if he gets cured by them, ending the previous recording with "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Let's (...) do some science." By the sound of this follow-up recording we can guess that his experiments weren't successful; he died of lunar rock poisoning soon after. What a spectacular person.

I DON'T NEED YOUR DAMN LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN!

Cave Johnson (J.K. Simmons) had the strongest performance in this game IMO. Wheatley was great too, but all of Cave's stuff was amazing and well-delivered. RIP CJ, your time in the Portal universe was too short.

HE SAYS WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!!!

Apperently J.J. Simmons was trying not to laugh on the lines "Do you know who I am!?" and "Burn your house down!" and honestly, it accidentally made this rant 1000 times better. Without knowing he was trying not to laugh, it ends up sounding like he's trying not to fall apart. That crack in his voice on the first one hits just oh so perfectly...

What really made this part great was GLaDOS' commentary going with it.

For me, the saddest moment was just after this when he goes back to being calm, almost defeated. I felt a real hit when he signed out because of the way GLaDOS says "Goodbye, sir." There's so much affection in her voice, it's almost as if he's going away for the last time.

I love that even he's on the verge of cracking up from "Do you know who I am?!" to the end.

Fun fact: Life didn't give anyone lemons, lemons are believed to be a hybrid fruit between a bitter orange and a citron. We gave lemons life!

At the very end it sounds like he's about to burst out laughing. It could also be a falter in his voice, but I've been listening to this for three years and I've never noticed that.

"Who's brilliant idea was it to engineer combustible lemons??" "The Author of the Journals... My brother."

philosophically, it makes an interesting point....

Ha so the engineers would make a lemon-nade? See what I did there?

After discovering J.K. Simmons voices Cave Johnson all I can think about is J. Jonah Jameson yelling at Spider-Man.

This is the best motivational speech ever made. Period.

"Demand to see life's manager" **Karen Intensifies**

The thing is, and I just learned this, that a lemon is but a crossbreed of a bitter orange and a citron which means LIFE NEVER GAVE US LEMONS, WE CREATED THEM, AND GAVE THEM TO OURSELVES!!! *starts thrusting the air*

Cave Johson is the perfect Engineer. He looks at what life has given him and says "Is this it? IS THIS IT?" and instantly decides to MAKE IT BETTER! Bigger! More Developed! Cave Johnson is what every self-made man should seek out to become - Constantly improving!

Just quoted this in a comment on Facebook and got banned for 30 days making threats.

I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR DAMN LEMONS! I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!

I love that you can hear JK Simmons nearly start laughing. It happens at "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" and "THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" Luckily he was able to hide it by coughing since Cave is dying at the time.

There's so much you can pull from this speech. On the surface its silly and maybe even a bit motivational. Once you start to remember the circumstances Cave is under though, it gets kind of morbid and sad. Notice how his voice breaks mid-rant. Like he's on the verge of tears.

I work in a lemonade stand. Then I remembered the Cave Johnson Lemon Rant. For some reason, I got mad then I threw a lemon at a bystander. Then she was like, "I don't want your damn lemons! What the hell am I supposed to do with these?!" It really made my day.

playing this at 0.5 speed is amazing

also listen when he say 0:17 "do you know who I am?" The tone of his voice feel like if he has been demolished with quite a lot of emotion that he is tired of everything that is happening to him.

I JUST KNOW BILL CIPHER AND SPIDER MAN ARE WORKING TOGETHER I MUST USE MY LEMONS!

This game had genius-level quotes and voice acting.

I think, that was the most tragic moment of the story. He was a successful businessman who thought he can do and get anything he wanted, and never worried about the consequences. And in the end, when he faced that his wealth and power is worthless against the power of death, he was ranting and shouting in his helplessness, as he would have done it if it had been a business matter. He didn't realize that he was the manager of his own life, and couldn't accept that he was just a mere mortal.

I could perfectly picture Mayor Lionheart saying this..

this part was actually quite sad. He's realized that he's going to die and that theres nothing he can do to stop it. Lashing out at fate or injustice or w/e is a deeply human response.

Honestly, when I heard this in game, I laughed but at the same time... I really felt terrible for Cave. I was misty eyed. Here's this guy who seems to be so passionate about science, never gives up on it when things go wrong (whether it be legal trouble or bankruptcy or when that Black Mesa steals his super cool inventions), and now here he is: a shell of the man that he once was. Slowly deteriorating and dying, but damn it if he's not going without a fight. Goddamn is this guy awesome.

The lemons weren't quite his tempo.

I think his yelling was, in a sense, a demostration of vitality, of a spirit still willing to fight in despite of mistakes and inconvenients

I was walking to town on a beach one morning after camping. I decided to start shouting this monologue at the top of my lungs. About midstream I hear a girl from far away on the beach shouting the GLaDOS background in the quote. So awesome haha.

This is now my favorite quote of all time. Cave Johnson is such a great scientist.

I actually listened to this today as inspirational material because I feel awful. I'm going to make life rue the day it gave me lemons. For science.

When life gives you lemons, but you wanted pictures of Spider Man

When life gets me down, I listen to this.

0.75x speed aaaaaand we got drunk Johnson.

MAKES ALL THE SENSE!

I love how J.K. Simmons sounds like he almost breaks character at the end

i can still hear glados saying "yeah, yeah!"

cave johnson ,the author of the journals i want photos, photos of bill cipher

I nearly died of laughter the first time I heard this in Portal 2. XD

I like how you can hear him trying not to laugh during this.

i love how in the end he still made lemon grenades or *lemonade*

Luckily he had Caroline by his side, he loved her. He probably didn't want the same to happen to her. So he preserved her spirit, made her immortal as Glados. But he didn't realize in turn she'd be suffering the whole time. She just wanted to be let go, be free and die peacefully. Instead she's stuck doing endless tests, like a robot. A slave. Bound and gag. Always a servant to man. Until a liberated woman (Chell) would challenge her. It blows my mind how deep & poetic this simple fun game is.

Doesn't it sound like Cave Johnson's voice actor is giggling a little bit when he says "burn your house down"?

I used this quote in an audition once, thank you Cave..

I still come back to this every time I need motivation

You can hear him start to crack up at the end when he says “that burns your house down” :> 0:30

Stanley: “When life gives you lemons,call them yellow oranges and sell them for double the price” Stanford:

One of the best monologues I've ever heard

This game is so good I just realized this is why the redemption turret says "get mad"

I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! *WITH THE LEMONS!*

I DON'T WANT YO' DAMN LEMONS!!!

YES! HE SAYS WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!

The man that 2020 needs

lemonpocalypse

Play it at 0.5 speed...he sounds like a poor, angry drunk... LOL

im going to learn this and recite to my friends, as I did last year and I have a new set of friends to show it to.

One of the best inspirational speech ever made.

It must've been difficult for him to record for this for the game without bursting out laughing...

*looks at lemon* *it looks combustible* has cave johnson touched my lemons?

I tried it and cried. It was so beautiful...

Greatest...motivational speech...ever. Of all time.

I’m a engineer right?

Pretty SOUR guy, huh?

Just for the record, lemons contain Limonene, which is a flammable oil. Tear a citrus peel over an open flame and watch the oil drops flare up. I'll be taking my bonus now, Mr Johnson.

this is the most used voice lines in the zeta players in gmod

Its wasn't quite his tempo that day.

Cave johnson, first karen

I must have heard this dialog like a hundred times and only now I realize he is cracking up at the end

One of the few great motivational speeches.

Omni man:

He sounds just like Stanford from Gravity Falls!

every time I watch this it just makes me incredibly sad. Definitely the best and most meaningful monologue i've ever heard in a game.

This is great to blow off some steam, especially since Cave's got the awesome "Be mad cause I said so!" voice.

I Don't Want Any Of Your Damn Lemons! I Want The 3 Journals!

I'd LOVE to see Tenzin say this to Korra

This is the single most awesome combination of words possible in the entire English language.

So how's yo lemonade buddy? Omniman:

I'm here cuz of gravity falls *-* shoo shoo, get on the hype train :D

Cave Johnson, the OG Karen

*"I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!"*

Thanks for the advice, Cave. It really helped me get over being rejected by my crush.

Johnson: All right I've been thinking when life gives you lemons..... Me: MAKE LEMONADE :D Johnson: DONT MAKE LEMONADE!! MAKE LIFE TAKE BACK THE LEMONS!!!! Me: OK... :< Johnson: GET MAD!!!! Me: ummmm what's happening.... Johnson: I DONT WANT YOUR DAME LEMONS Me: OK you clam down plz .-. Johnson: WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITH THESE!!! Me: make.....lemonade.... ._.' Johnson: THE MANS TO SEE THE LIFE MANAGER!! Me: what's going on here!! Johnson: MAKE LIFE REW THE IT THOUGH IT COULD GIVE CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS!! Me: OK clam down... Johnson: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! Me: Cave Johnson *-*' Johnson: IM THE MAN WHO'S GOING TO BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE DOWN......with the lemons...... Me: plz don't I really like me house... Johnson: IM GOING TO GET MY ENDANGERS TO create A COMBUSTIBLE LEMON!!!! Me: plz....stop yelling ;-;....

I watch this every day.

Eight years later and I consider this the second greatest monologue in all of video games (The first being Andrew Ryan's final monologue in Bioshock.)

It seems like you're referencing a famous monologue from the video game "Portal 2" by Cave Johnson, a character known for his eccentricity and humorous quotes. While it's entertaining to channel Cave Johnson's fiery spirit, in real life, dealing with challenging situations can be more nuanced. When faced with difficult circumstances (symbolized by the lemons), it's essential to adopt a more constructive and proactive approach: 1. Assess the situation: Take a step back and evaluate the challenges or problems you're facing. Understand the root causes and potential solutions. 2. Adapt and overcome: Instead of being overwhelmed by the lemons life has given you, focus on adapting to the situation and finding ways to overcome obstacles. 3. Seek support: Don't be afraid to ask for help or seek advice from others. Talking to friends, family, or professionals can offer valuable insights and emotional support. 4. Learn and grow: Adversity often presents opportunities for personal growth and learning. Embrace the challenges as learning experiences that can lead to personal development. 5. Maintain a positive attitude: While it's okay to feel angry or frustrated, try to maintain a positive attitude and outlook. A positive mindset can help you navigate difficult times more effectively. 6. Use creativity and innovation: Just like Cave Johnson's imaginary combustible lemon, think outside the box and use your creativity and innovation to find unique solutions to problems. Remember, life can be unpredictable, and challenges are a natural part of the journey. By facing them with determination and a positive mindset, you can grow stronger and better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

Ladies and gentlemen, One of the greatest men in all fiction.

Best motivational speech ever.

This is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

If the voice Crack when he says "do you know who I am" than its the best part of this piece of dialog.

Lemons: *exist* Cave Johnson: *a n g e r*

My favorite quote

me everytime a company messes with me:

This is my favorite quote