It’s more embarrassing you were even together with that thing

You did a great job!

I’m so glad that you two are working together :) best wishes!

It's awesome to work together!!

Ultimatums are the bedrock of good marriages

He really loves you if he could change

Congratulations on getting to day 3. You got this.

Good luck. Day 3 is hardest.

@alphant1 well, yes. I have not been doing good with that, but I have not given up quitting. Back on the patch today after a couple day "bender" so to speak. Thanks for asking!

@@bobgunner3086 man, you are hold responsible here! How are you doing man?

@@peterszabo7572 not good :-( Still smoking and trying to get back on track. But thanks for asking!!

@Morty Snerd It is normal for people to start off making a little and grow their income as their experience grows. If you have been working for 20 years and you still haven't gotten your finances together better than when you started you have a behavioral problem. Often people get married before these behavioral problems are noticeable. One spouse will pull it together then wait for the other, but a person can only be frustrated for so long. It isn't hypergamy. It is emotional exhaustion. You aren't taking into account the will of both spouses.

Morty Snerd maybe if men weren’t so stupid, women wouldn’t be able to take such advantage of them. Idiots ruled by their dicks. The extra money they make just because they’re men is wasted on them.

@Morty Snerd Men take 1/2 from the women.

@Morty Snerd haha. Ok. I am not quite sure what book you are referring to. I was just saying women take 1/2 from men. Men take 1/2 from women.

C,mon... when you're dating someone, they come across quite a bit different than after a few years of marriage. My ex was the big, mature man and I was the little girl who didn't know a thing about money. (This was 50 years ago). Turns out it was the exact opposite. He was spending weekends going on trips with the guys and dating his high school pupils. I was holding down the fort with my salary. Everyone's story is different, sometimes it's the husband and sometimes the wife. One day I Was Just Done, too.

Carol Causey was there anything in particular you read that helped you process that part of your past and correct that behavior? My wife and I both have this issue. We both grew up with so little and went hog wild as adults. I want to shape up and I know we both still struggle with impulse purchases and shopping excessively.

How were you able to overcome that?

We had very little growing up and I have seen others with this type of behavior. But somehow at an early age I realized it's just stuff... The bigger picture is not losing your home, being grateful for food, and shelter.

I made a realization when I retired at 62 that I could have been in a better position if I had controlled my spending. I did not know how to stop looking at what others had, and now i know this mistake could have destroyed my family. Look to your spouse and lean on one another, and if that doesn't work get professional help.

@@sarrahwilson8149 Your lucky your realized this early, but for some its more complicated.

Smart lady

I feel you! My husband has completely destroyed the finances. It’s sooo stressful! I AM DONE!

Good for you. He’s getting what he deserves.

You're smart. Don't let his debt affect you by marrying him. He is obviously immature and doesn't know how to stop his impulse spending. Until he gets counseling for himself, you should not let him back. Allow him to default; maybe once he defaults, he'll wake up from this and realize his imulse spending is hurting him.

I bet you are happy again.

I know!!! I wasn’t even thinking about the cookie jar until he said that! Bad Dave!!! Now I ate a 🍪 !!!

He says this literally as I’m measuring sugar out for the chocolate chip cookies I’m baking for no other reason than to satisfy my chocolate craving 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

The past few videos i have watched, he has mentioned chocolate chip cookies.. i think he needs chocolate chip cookies

I have a feeling his weight loss or cookie loss journey isn't as successful as his financial one haha

When a woman has made up her mind she us done where I’ve seen men hold on

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.

Same as my ex bf. Unfortunately, as he was great to spend the time with and I miss him.

Sounds like he broke your heart

I would be an Olympic gold winner and my wife would have the wooden spoon at the school yearly sports day in that case!

LOL my hubby and I love to out cheap each other. I am queen of plate stretching. The other day I had to stop myself from washing off some cooked zucchini and squash. LOL I have to have some limits. LOL.

Why? At some point, one must live a little.

Mike Betts it’s possible to live a little and still be frugal, you can find all kinds of things to do for free or cheap normally, not right now because of social isolation. But when the world opens again, free concerts and things like that will start again

@@kelleythenurse3283 I understand being frugal. It is my general way of life. Unfortunately, I am in a situation where a 'certain other' forces frugality all the time when it is not needed so much. Just as being broke can make one miserable; so to can having all the money one needs and more and still not being able to enjoy it.

Aint that the truth

Excellent advice Olga! 🌹

I agree, but I don't think staying home raising babies and kids full time is usually 'pampered', unless you are referring to women at home without children? You ask where stay-at-home women would be if their husbands died. If their household is following Dave's advice, the answer is, just fine, because there would have been adequate life insurance on the husband. Good for you for clawing your way back from homelessness. I am sure that was not easy!

How'd you get yourself out of homelessness xx

A job outside the home is a piece of cake compared to being stuck at home all day with little kids. I used to do market research surveys in the field. A mother's BUSIEST time of day is 6pm. A father's end of day is 6pm. He comes home to relax, she's got a mountain of tasks until the kids are asleep. Then she's expected to make him happy.

I raised children and stay home. My husband and I felt it was better for the children. If anything happened to him we had life insurance. It’s not about being a princess. I did all the things he didn’t have time to do and our kids were happy and felt safe. To each his own

Sucks :(

KidBilly define mature? like how have you change?

@@wiiiz3 I'll give examples specific to me on how I've changed in the last couple of years. When we go out anywhere like shopping or errands, I will either eat before we leave or take food with me, because I always wasted money on fast food or snacks every time we went out. Or, I want to play video games, but I know that the dishes or other chores need to be finished. It's really just how Dave describes it. Use a plan, don't just do what feels good at the time.

Getting it at 29 is worlds different than getting it at 59. Good on you.

Mary Webb *Revelatory*

It's called "marriage".

All do what? Spend our marriage to death? Live outside of our means? No, all of us do not, actually. Some learn earlier than others, some don't need to be taught and some never learn.

What happened if I may ask?

jay rider That’s a familiar story.

Boring can be good! Boring can mean you can build! Boring means you can plan a wonderful life together...hey it's starting not to sound so boring!

She got this :KARMA......I'll take boring any day, please. I'm single and I would love a boring man like that good dentist.

@@shannon2748 Same. I am over crazy boyfriends. I would love a calm, boring person.

@@thecatnextdoor12 Yeah, as soon as I saw "boring" I said sign me up. hehe

Maybe divorce is the fix

that sounds good sometimes.

“Boommmmm like a light switch- she’s done!” Yupppp that is exactly how it happened for me!

Dave also made a video about overspending wives if you are interested.

This right here. Ha that's a no from me dawg lol

NYC RL52 did you do it?

@@55dopey no not yet

NYC RL52 are you still going to or are you going to try and work it out?

@@55dopey really not working on anything but she say's she'll pay the holiday bills she ran up What's your sinairo? Married single ?

NYC RL52 It’s complicated. We were engaged and then I found out he was lying about paying bills and about following a budget and everything financially wise. I gave him 9 months to figure it out and turn things around but he didn’t believe I would leave. It’s been 5 months since I left. And now I’m casually seeing him again 🙃 sounds like insanity.

That is exactly what really ended my marriage! My husband couldn’t pass a car lot without doing the ‘chicken neck’!!! He was known by name at the local ford dealership because he was buying and trading two to three times a year! I eventually ( just before our divorce) told his favorite salesman not to ever sell him another vehicle!!! He also ran up credit card debt which was mostly on cards I had kept in my name, so after the divorce I filed bankruptcy. My husband & I today are debt free and retired, what a shame that I could have lived a debt free life if I had known the warning signs of a ‘spending addict’ when I was young.

@@laurenandreas5950 Oh no. I would never file bankruptcy for someone else's mess...

then he could get half the nest egg. Leave is baby step -1, then build YOUR nest egg.

Well are the socks _needed ?_ and does she buy small stuff while you decide on the purchases that REALLY cost money (like car, house, vacations if you have them). The small impulsse purchased can add up, and the stuff needs to be stored and put away but it usually is not bringing a household down.

You could shut down the credit cards (you can change the credit line to zero, so you can still pay them down, but they can't be used for payments anymore). Reduce the number of cards (best way is to pay them down, and cancel the contract and to physically destroy the card. And you should do the adminstrative stuff, not leave it to her if you think she is not 100 % on board. Are you just annoyed that your wife spends on small things that YOU find unnecessary (they might be). While you back the purchases for ten of thousands of dollars ? Is there spending on your part that your wife finds unnecessary ? Women may splurge on household gadgets and guys have a professionally equipped workshop. Or only the best sports equipment will do. It is all for a good and sensible purpose and all her spending is "frivolous". No, buying the best tools (or guns) is just his version of buying expensive purses, shoes, furniture or kitchen gadgets. Credit card companies will resist your wish to cancel a card btw, they too try to make you renege, so one has to be pretty forceful to make them carry out what they are told to do. They WILL secondguess that and try to get you off track. Destroying the card will not help online if she has the data and still can incur new debt, but you CAN prevent that. The contract is still valid so you can transfer money to pay if off, but no more new purchases. And she should be on board with the restriction that protect her from impulsive spending. (IF that is necessary). You should have the data necessary (early retirement). Maybe she would be O.K. with a modified Ramsey plan (allowing for more fun money while you are paying down debt). Dr. John Delony found himself making a lot of impulse purchases after he had become a father. He asked his wife for backup and handed over his cards to his wife and I think got an allowance (both were on board with that) until he had adjusted to his new responsibilites and had calmed down and did not need shopping for that. Your wife could do the groceries with cash or debit cards. You agree on a budget and an allowance for her personal stuff on top (for clothes, cosmetics, hair cuts, ....). If stuff comes up (wedding presents, vacations, the kids have ruined their shoes and need new ones, they have field trips you discuss that and you cough up the money. Or make the transfer. the savings go to an account that can only be accessed if BOTH of you sign on a withdrawal. (she can withdraw all the money from a joint account, so she could evade the credit card prohibition. Just make sure that you are not petty and act like a 1950s tyrant. And that she does not feel like she is treated like a child. Maybe you can make an excel sheet of all that is spent in one year (and categories like inevitable - mortgage, HOA, taxes, utilities. Somewhat flexible - like groceries. And free choice: all luxuries. a car payment also falls into the flexible category, because you do not _need_ a 30k vehicle. Or two. So if you decided the family gets new cars and that means 800 per month in car payments, you going after her 50 USD for garments (socks) are not going to sit well with her. And from a financial standpoint, she can't be frugal enough with the small stuff or with cooking meals for scratch and for cheap to undo the effect of being house poor or car poor.

He also said luckily it's much easier to deal with then drugs. So yes, it comes down to immaturity.

Is he wrong Adam?

When the wife's have the spending problems, I never hear Dave say they are "little girls" for not controlling their impulse to buy stuff....Wonder why....

@@jayh40515 no, he calls them princesses.....

@@jayh40515 Have you listened to similar calls with Dave that focused on the female's spending addiction? Dave calls them "Princesses" and he uses terms like "immaturity" just like he did in this call regarding the man's inability to control his spending. I "wonder why" you're trying to turn this into a gender bias discussion.

Unfortunately, given past questions I think you are right. Roles reversed and he is somehow blaming the man.

Because the man leads the marriage not a women..you sound like a beta.

@@ChicagoTRS Yep. No way if the roles were reversed Dave doesn't blame the husband some for his wife's behavior.

@@markg999 "Leads", that is a interesting word you used. You mean like a pet? If you accept low standards, you will get it every time.

@@markg999 You seem like the typical SIMP

Haha, keep on keeping on :)

I sincerely hope you were grinning or this was a bit dramatic.

@@lookforward2life no grinning at all. Just the sad truth. Saving money can become a sickness when taken to extremes.

Mike Betts counselling maybe? that’s so heartbreaking mike. All that work and success with no emotional relief.

additction to spending replaced by addiction to holding on to money. Over spending and hoarding (not letting go) can BOTH be caused by childhood experiences (not enough to go around). Like dysfunctions with food: overeating or eating unhealthy is more common - but some people starve themselves to death (literally, anorexia kills people, the death rate is high) or they become OBSESSED with healthy food or a certain diet that they religiously ! follow. Eating the right food. (and not ever eating the wrong kind).

If it is the 12 string guitar and nothing else AND it gives you a lot of joy that can be an _investment_ you are planning. Not if your finances are desperate, but I would not stick with the Ramsey plan slavishly. In the large scheme of things it is not going to change much. Healthcare, childcare, rent / mortgage, education and CARS are the big chunks of the budget. So if one (somewhat delayed investment) can give you joy while you do the journey ... it is wortht the money. It is always good to DELAY the purchase, then you sharpen your desires, the impulsive ideas fall sideways and you get at the core of purchases that really enhance your quality of life. Always asssuming you are not one of the people that buys a lot of instruments and does not get around to play (master) them all. (ask me how I know !)

Chad Lee oh no!

Chad Lee you have the opportunity to change it! You got this!

Me, too! I'm trying to stop the overspending on gifts for family and save.

That’s the problem- people don’t - some never get past the hearts, flowers and candy stage and see the reality of marriage

Yeah that is why people get turned off by him.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Matthew Graham LOL

XD wait that's a thing?

@@LittleHatori duh it's called lesbianism ;)

@@kailaleegibbons6143 - i thought it was Feminism...

Dave's view is most likely that of while a man and woman are equal persons, in a marriage the man takes the leadership role per the teachings of the apostles. Thus, when a leader is not being a good leader--it is his fault if his wife screws up and he's not aware or keeping track of things(such as finances). It doesn't exonerate her of any responsibility, but this principle comes from people like Jocko Willink also. "There are no bad teams, only bad leaders" - Jocko Willink