you remind me of someone I dated and I can say with honesty, I left because I was scared. They used their mental disorder as an excuse and refused to realise that wasn't okay and they need help aside from my own. It BROKE me. they made me feel like if I wasnt around they couldnt function, they used they SAME, WORDS. "im trapped. I can't help how I am. I'm sorry this is how I react to things."

As someone who went through a divorce and ended a relationship of 14 years, I was crying along side you. There's nothing more scarier in the world than having to start your life over. All these emotions you are feeling hit home and I wish I could just hug you. It's crazy from one moment to the next your entire life can change everything you knew, is suddenly different. I don't think anyone can understand fully unless they've been through it themselves. I'm still rebuilding my life even after all these years and those scars never do fully leave but as you said in time it does get easier. However, when you do find peace - which I am confident you will. You will blossom and bloom into the person you were always meant to be. Don't give up on yourself, you're worthy of all the happiness in the world Cindy and believe me you will find it. Where you are in this moment, is where you're supposed to be. I know it sound CRAZY! But believe me, in time you'll see exactly what I mean. I'm so proud of you. No matter what comes your way in the next few days, just know you will get through this. WE ARE ALL Here for you. YOU'RE NOT ALONE! ❤

Cindy I mean this as sincerely as I can be; please get therapy. It can be so scary at first but trust me, it’s absolutely worth it. I hit rock bottom myself last summer and I’ve been in therapy for the past 8 months and it’s been life changing. The ONLY way to get through this is to keep moving forward and to be determined change. You’re the only person who can decide to change. You’re the only person who can change your life positively. There are therapists who will do video chat so you don’t have to leave the house. I know what you’re going through is hard, this isn’t the end of your life. It can be the beginning if you let it be. I know I’m a stranger on the internet, but know I care about you and wish only the best for you. You can take this moment to be push you needed to change your life, or you can do nothing and drown. Please make the right decision. Know that you are loved and if you make good choices everything will be okay. Sending all the love to you.

I don’t understand why people would put this on the internet for everyone to see and ridicule: some things should just stay in private, between friends, family, doctors and therapists. I am not sure how much this is helping or actually contributing more to the drama and pain.

Don't just give him the house. No matter what you did in the relationship, you deverse your half of the assests.

Cindy, im begging you, get some therapy, you really need it... Get apart from youtube and keep your life private. i know it might seem scary to start over but life can seem more passionate and lively when being private and you can actually enjoy your happiness for yourself, it is not good to expose yourself like this, you deserve better...

You did not have to post this. You are entitled to leave KZfaq for days, weeks, or months and then come back without addressing why you were gone. You do not owe anybody here anything, especially not your most personal life information. I know you said you think you needed to explain why you were gone and why the setting in your videos will be different going forward, but I think you need to hear that you absolutely don't need to explain anything. If you wanted to, you could just leave a vague community post saying you're dealing with personal things, and then when you return, start posting soap making videos or something like that without giving any details, or being as vague as you want (just saying you two split up and you moved back to Arkansas and no other details). If you WANT to post these videos, by all means do, I just need you to know that you absolutely do not have to, even if it feels like you do, you don't, people will always come back to your channel no matter how long you've been away because your audience adores you.

I wish I could give you a hug. 2022 I lost my twins (miscarriage) and three months later me and my husband seperated and I’m currently going through a divorce. Trust me I definitely know what you are going through. I suggest you go for counseling and get deep into your spirituality immediately! I’m currently doing just that and it helps. Some days are better than the other but don’t turn to self destructive behaviors such as drinking. Speak to your spirit guides and try and find a therapist to help you through. YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER!!! It has just begun because you have come to the realization that you have some things you need to heal from….so now it’s time to do the work. Be easy on yourself. Speaking peace over you and your heart right now. 💜

Bpd can be cured or at least managed better. This won't help bring him back.

I hope that some day you look back at this video and can realise that him leaving you was the best thing that ever happened to you. Throw that whole cheating ass man away

I have BPD and I understand exactly how you're feeling. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Please, I hope once you get back to AK you're able to find therapy.

I've never seen you before and I don't know why this channel is in my feed, but this is the realest, rawest thing I've seen in a very long time. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know this seems like the worst thing possible, but I really think this is the best thing that could happen right now. Right now you are as free as you ever will be to finally surrender to working on healing yourself with no distractions, no relationships. This is absolutely the best time to focus on processing everything that you have tried and failed to heal. And that's not your fault. It's a big big rubber band ball full of interconnecting issues and problems, too big for you to handle alone. I really hope and pray that you find the dedicated, professional help you need to get to where you deserve to be, happy and free from all this suffering. 💞🙏🏻

Losing a child can take a real toll on many marriages and it's not uncommon that couples separate or even divorce some time after it happens. Therapy is not a bad word and to be honest, both you and Andrew could benefit greatly from individual therapy. I know it may feel like you're failing at life or you're not strong enough to handle things because you need to ask for help....but it's okay to need help Cindy. You are not alone. There are millions of men and women who stand exactly where you and Andrew are and you CAN get things under control.

Don't worry Cindy, nobody thinks that you (or Andrew) are a bad person.

Cindy. I am a man who divorced his wife and raised my three children alone. I am diagnosed bi-polar, ptsd, GAD.... you will start over, you will heal, you will have your child, one day you will smile again. I promise. Much love from Tennessee.

It is horrible how many people in here are trying to take advantage of her emotional state to convert her. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Pushing religion on somebody as the solution to personal tragedies is manipulative cult recruitment behavior

Put the bottle down. Get therapy. I know it feels its the end but it's not. After 32 years of marriage my ex walked out. I did therapy for a long time. I cried for a long time. You can do this. Take care of yourself. No one can do that but you. You're worth it. ❤

Oh, Cindy I'm so sad to hear this news. I hope you are able to process and get through this. Please keep talking to people, don't hold these feeling in. Just take some time to work on yourself and better yourself. We all have demons and issues, you're definitely not alone. I hope you find a solution that helps you feel whole. I want to tell you that you look good, be proud of all the hard work you have done with your hair and your weight loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you for posting these videos , I’ve kinda been binge watching. I struggle with many of the same issues as you , and we have experienced similar trauma of abandonment and loosing a child . Things that are very hard to heal from. I’m at this point in my life where I have met an amazing incredible partner but I am constantly sabotaging the relationship due to the inability to recover from my past trauma. Your videos have been a wake up call to me. My partner is very kind and understanding but everyone has a breaking point , and I know the emotional manipulation I put him through is very exhausting for him and he deserves better . You just encouraged me to actually go to therapy, I just contacted one so thank you. I also struggle with taking pills and just sedating myself because I have a very hard time controlling my emotional actions and impulses. I just refuse to keep letting my pain and trauma ruin my life!! And I’m thankful that I have the conscious awareness within myself to notice my toxic tendencies and want to make that change within myself . Thank you for expressing your vulnerability with us and shining a light on all these emotions that many of us are ashamed to openly express .

I’m so sorry that it’s all coming at once for you, Cindy. I’m sure that Andrew cares, but is possibly really angry or frustrated or just needs to breathe and take some space. If you’re saying you’ve made him very responsible for your sense of security and love, I can appreciate why someone in that position would be getting some very much needed ‘me time’. All you can do is take care of yourself right now. You’re not alone; we are your supporters and we aren’t perfect ourselves so it’s not as if any of us can pass judgement on you. You’re absolutely right, what’s happened to you throughout your life is so bitterly unfair and I’m sorry that I can’t take that away for you because I can see how much it is eating away at your ability to live your life, just day-to-day. But as you said so yourself it is absolutely your responsibility to heal from it. I hope so much that you find a source of love for yourself that comes from within and not outside, so that way no one can take it away from you. That was when healing really started for me - when I learned to accept myself and change anything I wouldn’t accept. I’m not talking about how someone looks but how someone is.