I dunno. You mention he’s doing all of these wonderful things for his wife. Maybe he’s doing these things thinking they’ll make her happy with possibly being neglected in the marriage. She may not want all of these things. She probably wants him and his time. If she had a crappy childhood she probably thought getting married would give her that safe best friend she’s been looking for. This isn’t a mom problem it’s an OP problem. He maybe painting himself to be great but throwing gifts at someone who wants your time isn’t going to work.

Anyway, I think there's something else, bc my alarms gone off by "too perfect" spouse...

What I wouldn't give for a % of that care and support. Sounds like an amazing guy but agree with the other comment I wanna hear wife's side cuz nothing is ever so clean cut

Certainly from what OP says, he's clearly made the right choice, and yet, it'd be nice to hear the distaff side of the story. But to me, the key moment was that this issue cropped up BEFORE OP and his now wife were married. As this is the hill on which OP decided to make his stand, why wasn't it dealt with before their wedding?

The picture he’s painting of himself is a little too perfect.

Yeah I feel like we definitely need the other side. From the sounds of this story, the first thing that popped into my head is what if she wants kids? Her husband is probably so exhausted from being a caretaker to his mom, both financially and emotionally and physically that I can see where she says “what about our future ?” Also, wanting to pay your mother back is one thing but things like buying someone else a house is something u should discuss with ur long term partner, like if it was important to him he definitely should have bought his mom the house but he should have communicated. I have told my husband that I wanna buy my parents a (fairly expensive trip) for their 50th wedding anniversary and he’s supporting me but that’s still a financial decision that doesn’t benefit us, only my parents. And this is a whole house and now rent for a whole other place. Also him owning and paying for literally everything for her is a bit concerning. I’m not saying he’s doing anything wrong, especially in the way he tells this story but I can see the communication not adding up. I can see him using “well I pay for everything so I should get my way” as a manipulative tactic. Idk, I’d need the wife’s side

I want to hear her side to this.

The red flags were flying before marriage and married her anyway. He let her know from the beginning he was paying mama back. But her impatients is ruining it all. It's sad.

He sounds so wonderful that I’m suspicious. Would love to hear the other side too. I also wonder about their communication. He said she doesn’t know what foods he likes or hates because he never complains. So he doesn’t tell her when there are things he doesn’t like? That’s not the best for a health relationship either. How is supposed to do better than?

I don't know... I need to hear the other side on this. I love the ones where the other spouse finds out about the post and then makes a post.

My question is, why the fk is she not over there helping him with his mom?

He seems a little to perfect. If it is true… then yes wife needs to learn a lesson and to change her priorities. And this is from someone whose husband’s mom lives with us, since she can’t live alone anymore.

If you watch the updates the story is so deep and wife is going through so much hard times

The first red flag I saw for the wife was her relationship with her own family. Clearly they knew about her behavior and never gave in.

We haven't heard the other side. It's possible she's concerned with how much energy taking care of his mom is taking from him and she wants to achieve some balance/perspective, no one knows at this point. When my mom died and my father needed 24/7 medical care I did that for him. It was five years going back and forth between his house and ours. It was very difficult on the marital relationship. My husband felt like he was single, and hated that I was constantly tired, dealing with my own medical problems and had divided focus; but I was exceedingly close to and grateful for my parents, and was an only child so no one was there to spot me. We nearly didn't make it, but he was very patient with me in the end, and we worked through it. Hopefully, this couple can do the same thing.

The wife has issues. I think your spot on, with him showing love to his mom is a good sign.

Yeah his story feels suspicious

This seems a little too rosey. I would like to hear the wife’s side. I want to be on the husbands side from the story but he seems too perfect.

There was an update. The wife was jealous of OP's relationship with mom and wanted him out of the picture so she could have mom all to herself

Instead of the MIL being the one that demands to have her baby all to herself, it's the wife demanding that OP more or less throw his mother to the winds. Huge massive red flags and if she doesn't come around, you should leave her. I feel bad for the mother though because she seems like she is going to blame herself for the divorce and I really hope that doesn't become the case. OP is an amazing person and I hope his wife comes around or gets gone and OP finds someone who truthfully deserves him.

I wish I could still talk to my mum... and I'll leave it at that.

she dun goofed

Honestly, I think they should get divorced but not for the regular reasons. He doesn’t seem like a partner in the relationship. He never talks about what he wants out of the relationship. He just lets her decide everything and benefit from the relationship. His easy-going nature doesn’t mean that he is, actually in a relationship. I think he should absolutely divorce her and be more vocal in the next relationship about what he wants and needs from it.

It's so great when you get the chance to use your Moira voice, it always makes me laugh. It sounds like he should be taking the red flags and reflecting on them now before kids enter their relationship.

Sounds like the wife is jealous of his relationship with his mother.

The other times that you don’t side with the wife/ spouse are the times when that person is trying to isolate you from your friends and family.

Also the time he says he spends with her might not be productive time, if he’s so exhausted from being a caretaker he might be present physically but not present mentally. My mom is often not at 100% anymore because she’s a full time caretaker for my grandmother and part time caretaker for my two autistic nephews and she rarely has mental time for me which I am fine with bc I have my own life and husband but if he is all she has, he might not be reciprocating that genuine quality time.

1st Op should have gotten the red flag when she was just his girlfriend and he bought his Mom a house. I can see why she would be upset but to go behind his back and talk to his mother. That was sketch. Maybe he does prioritize his Mom but his wife seems trifling.

Always pay attention to how a man treats his mom because that's how he'll treat you. I couldn't imagine not having my mother-in-law in my life.

What happened with the wife and MIL that the relationship is so damaged? More to this story I think

So, OP, you’re about to be single. Let’s talk. Lol I’ll let you take care of your mother and I won’t expect a fraction of what you do for your current wife. Lol

There is an update for this story.

Get rid of the wife

I mean I slightly understand why wife would be mad if he’s buying his mom A house and they’re stuck renting, but if they already own the house op and wife are living in then wife I thinks over reacting 100%

Sounds like the wife is very entitled.

Treating your mom with the Love she showed you All her life….your wife Has Problems ‼️🤬… She’s Way too jealous 🤬‼️. Yep, the wife just did herself in….Deserves a Divorce… DA …She’s to be ALONE…He will be soooo much better off….he doesn’t need her awful entitlement ‼️🤬

Too good to be true?? Maybe? Am I that jaded that even though my first instinct is to side with him and say find a better wife.. Maybe, just maybe we are not getting the full story and he is just thinks he is being amazing.. But not really aware?

Don't marry anyone you are not madly in love with! If your partner isn't your everything, its unfair to both of you

I don’t believe him. I don’t know of any man that has been that saintly. My dad was amazing and still in love with my Mom after 65 years of marriage (85 and 83). And even my dad didn’t do that much for my mom. I can’t imagine it. Sounds like he’s trying to come off as a white knight to excuse his desire for divorce.

My mom was like this wife. Trust me buddy, it gets a heck of lot worse when the children come. Your Moms needs outweigh the needs of your wife.

There is much more going on here than what OP is saying. I do not think this is a case of the wife trying to control OP. Certain types of people likes to make excuses like that in order to validate their decisions that they know are wrong, and saying that your spouse is controlling is one of the biggest lies people make (or exaggerate) in order to dump the other. The wife used to love the mom, so something must have happened to have changed her mind. Or perhaps she still loves her, but she feels like OP is just going a bit too overboard. Also, not a lot of people like to live near their in-laws, no matter how much they like them. We are hearing some of the stuff OP is claiming he is doing, but he does not really talk about what kind of stuff she may be doing in return. Because OP kept a lot of things out of his story and tried to make himself look so good I am not sure if I totally believe him. How much of what OP is doing is because of guilt? Is this guilt that he created himself, or did the someone manipulate him to feel that guilt when he was young and it is still with him to this day? How much is his actions because of shame of his family's background? I have seen/heard mini-documentaries on this subject, but is has been a while. OP needs to talk to someone about this, and if they can they should do family counseling. Another thing, some people have a hard time dealing with seeing people they care about get sick and/or die. Many people are just not cut out to be caretakers too. They may care, but they can not physically do the caretaking. Personally, I have seen too many family get sick and die, so I can not handle seeing it anymore. Because I was a young woman I had family believe they can easily bully me into taking care of certain older family members because they did not want to do it themselves. Saying no burned some bridges. I have to wonder if OP is expecting his wife to take care of his mom in his stead and she is unable to do so, and that is a big part of what this is all about.

What I'm getting from there and maybe I'm wrong but I'm thinking that the wife is jealous that he has a relationship with his mother and because her mother's not around she can't have the same. She can't have the same relationship with her mother because she doesn't have one. And I understand your pain, but she's going about it all wrong

I got a daughter ❤ he's amazing good men hard to find

I don't think anyone is the A-hole here. Now just hear me out. It sounds like both OP and the wife are operating from a place of different childhood traumas. It doesn't say OP is from an immigrant family, but his attitude of feeling like he owes his mom for her sacrifices reads very similar to immigrant/first gen parent/child relationship stories. I think his motives are perfectly reasonable. On the other hand, I think OP's wife is operating from a place of some abandonment issues. It sounds like she had a large family (if I'm understanding that right) but no close connections. While we don't know the circumstances, I'd guess that when she married OP it was probably the first time she felt seen and chosen and loved and wanted, and she's terrified of losing that again. Maybe there was something in her family regarding taking care of a parent or other relative that she felt contributed to her abandonment, but we don't know. Either way, before going straight to divorce I think it would be worth it to OP to get some couples therapy first as this sounds more like a world view/unprocessed childhood trauma issue that could be worked through. If it's not and it turns out OP's wife is a narcissist or something, then he'd have an official diagnosis for that too and a clean conscience moving forward in the divorce. Hope they're able to get the help they need and figure things out. Sounds like a big misunderstanding.

🤎💜

I wonder if she was the favored/spoiled child. She wants OP to take the place of her family.

He should divorce her, what does she bring to the table for him? He deserves way better, and he is a great man for taking care of his mom.

My boys are mommas boys. Guess what? They are wonderful husbands. A man who treats his mom well will show the same respect and love to their wives

Spiteful cow. I'd choose Mum just for asking the question