Oh, I'm so happy you're here and found value in this! Just published another video on 6 things you CAN try or do. These have been very helpful for me.

I've absolutely seen this!! Often, it accomplishes two things. 1) It can wear others down. They become exhausted and eventually give up; deeming it easier to concede than continue an ongoing discussion that the narcissist isn't making it easy to leave. 2) It can cause others to doubt themselves and their real desires, wishes, and wants. When we repeatedly get asked the same question, we can start to second-guess the validity of our thinking and answers. ("Maybe I don't really want or need this; maybe I'm being selfish?"). It's almost like repeatedly looking at the answer you circled on a test- the more you rethink it, the likelier you are to change it. Agree wholeheartedly that if you begin breaking boundaries (even once), you're in for future troubles.

Sadly, it sure can be! They usually don't just say, "Oh, was I doing that? I didn't realize. I'm sorry. I'll work on that". If they did, then they wouldn't qualify as a narc in the first place. It's tough stuff, that's for sure. So much resistance and turning it back on you. Makes it hard to keep coming back for more.

Oh my gosh, this is amazing! And you've certainly seen a LOT of this behavior in A LOT of very important people. How strong you are to be able to walk away from all these individuals and be comfortable with the smear (that you know has nothing to do with you, and is more about all of them). So wonderful that you're on a path of learning, healing, recovering, and growth. That's so fantastic, and I LOVE hearing these stories! Congratulations for building a new life and a new YOU!

Definitely been there. Seems like it's common for narcissists to "love bomb" when you're doing things they way they'd like or when they're in a good mood and pleased with your performance: "you're so beautiful and wonderful", but then say the opposite when they want/need something from you. I've heard that's because love is often "transactional" for narcissists; it's based on individuals things you say and do; not more of an unconditional state. So, there's lots of ups and downs which all stem on whether or not they feel they're getting what THEY need. This roller-coaster can keep the recipient trapped and in a constant cycle of rushing around trying to please them, or do whatever it takes to get the compliments and love back again, which erodes self-confidence and prevents the recipient from leaving or walking away.

Wow, you said that very well! Extremely well-articulated.

@@coachamychambers2001 Thank you. Learned from costly experience. As they say, experience is the best teacher.

Gosh, that's tough. Disclaimer: I certainly don't have all the answers; these are just some personal thoughts. Do you know how HE feels about their relationship? It can be tough to watch another couple's relationship from afar, and feel it's toxic or unhealthy. But ultimately, the two people IN the relationship have to decide how THEY feel about it. My guess is you're unlikely to be successful in urging him to make different decisions if, ultimately, HE doesn't feel there's a problem or isn't aware of it. I wish I knew a way to help people change if they, themselves, don't see a need for change, but I don't. We can't want others to change more than THEY want it themselves. I don't know if there's a way to access/communicate with him (without her involvement) but I do feel that getting some alone time with him (so you can at least share your concerns), is really necessary. At least you can openly share that you feel he's afraid and see how HE feels about it. The words "will not LET" are fairly telling. Usually, grown adults don't need a partner's permission to see people they care about. I'm very sorry that you're going through this.

Thank you, my parents would give them money just to see the grandkids. It was awful to watch. Both my parents passed, the kids are now adults. The only person she has to use is my brother. I can go no contact, he has to live with her. That has to be hell.

Of course! You're very welcome!

I’m so glad!

Hah! I love it! That made me laugh out loud. I absolutely love the honesty you decided to have (regardless of whether or not it leads to any sort of difference in them, which may not even be the goal). Bravo for following your heart!

Smiling big at this comment!

Ahh, thanks for asking! They’re race medals! I’m an avid runner. 230+ half marathons and 12 full marathons in the last 9 years!

@@coachamychambers2001 omg you are a machine... i oughta pray for half that will and endurance... wow

@@jevans1805 awww, thanks! It’s definitely a huge passion for me!

Absolutely. Many live in their own stories and narratives of "truth", which often don't align with reality.