I learned that being the "favorite" person to a person with NPD means that you are also their prime and ultimate victim :)

'People survives tornados but that is no reason to seek one out' ... nice.

Just go NO CONTACT, You ARE IN CONTROL...that's what I did, never ever looked back. Feels GREAT!

"Don't belong to the same species". There are no better words to say it.

"You don't belong to the same species." That is one very ominous truth.

...its important that you listen to what is being said in these video's...it never gets better...you will loose you..Get out while you are still young and beautiful..if you stay in the hope that you will change him you will end up damaged...seriously damaged, emotionally, physically and financially.....

The sad thing is, these people NEVER change. I, also, "love" how nothing is their fault. I can see, though, every dog has their day. They HATE to be outed for what they are.

"People survive tornados. Is this a reason to go out and seek one?" Great!

Narcs feel nothing. Ever action is self serving.

I was married to a man like that for 25 years. I always said he reduced me to feeling like a thing, not a person. Now I understand why that was.

Amazing. for someone who's with a narcissist for 17 years I can attest that the information Mr. Vaknin gives is to be taken seriously by young adults. learn the subject so you know to avoid such horrible relationships in the first place. it will save your life!

Wonder if an empath pull a gun to shoot a narc and would the narc then ask the empath for empathy . These individuals know exactly what they are doing cuz they don’t want the same thing being done to them. A Narcissist basically means a criminal . They are committing crimes against normal people in all aspects of life.

Try living with a severe narc father and 42 yrs husband!!!! I finally got myself back again, forever.

This is so true Sam! My undiagnosed Narcissistic 'mother' (nothing wrong with her; is her attitude) stays the hell away from me when I'm strong and/or in therapy. The sunlight I radiate blinds her and she disintegrates like a Vampire. I tried extremely hard to help her heal (knowing her childhood caused her vile behaviour) this was a complete waste of my energy. I now use my energy to heal and love myself in ways she did not. Powerful stuff Sam. I'm loving your work!

I was the narcissist's toy. It took me months to not be in denial of his NPD, to allow healing to begin through research. I have over 10 yrs of diary entries detailing the narc abuse, devaluation, narc rages, etc. which is proof enough to myself of the abuse. I didn't want to face reality. I WAS addicted to the hope of helping him. I lost all hope & almost killed myself. I knew something was so wrong with him for yrs but I was prey.

Single most painful video I’ve ever watched. After being raised by a narcissistic mother, I picked a narcissistic partner, had to children and repeated the cycle. Broke free for 9 years then invited it back into our lives under the guise of love. Now I have to ripe that wound open again

i think the essential problem w/ the narcissist is that they dont feel empathy. they intellectually know what theyre doing but since they cant FEEL bad about it like a regular person would when hurting someone...then it doesnt compute. if they could feel all the pain theyre causing...i dont think they would be able to live w/ themselves

After 28 years of marriage, my ex husband turned into an abusive man almost overnight. I lived in hell for four years. Long before I learned anything about NPD I described him as a collection of affected voices and behaviors. We have been divorced for 1 1/2 years and suddenly he was being so charming and nice, I was sucked in to "malignant optimism." Malignant Self Love and Sam Vaknin saved me. My ex husband's reaction was a series of rage filled voice mails. Thank you for saving me!

“You don’t speak the same language.” Yes, I felt this early on. Never felt we were on the same wave length. When I felt great, he was down. When I felt miserable, he was elated! Occasionally the wave lengths crossed & we connected, but it was very random to me. I didn’t know then that he was a narcissist.

This video described me so well. I would try and stay positive and hopeful and supportive, but it only attracted more vitriol and rage. I kept trying to see passed the anger to the hurt child inside. I thought I could love my narcissist until she healed but it only got worse. Calm discussion was impossible. It sucks to see people hurting so badly like that, but the best action really is to just cut contact completely.

Watch these videos as many times as it takes to help in your healing. You deserve a healthier and more reciprocal relationship than you will ever get with a narcissist. You cannot heal them...you can heal you and you are worth it...it is so worth facing my addiction to narcissists and moving forward....a powerful and important lesson

You are so right. I know of one narcissist. She used to accept anything valuable given to her but always flat in emotion without a thanks/gratitude. She never knew how to reciprocate love (almost a vampire). It appeared that whatever was given to her was owed to her and would take it shamelessly and turn away. It is an amazing and unbelievable experience in the context of normal humans. They are completely deranged through and through, never to change in life.

My Narc admitted to me that he's never been in love. 41 years old, kids with 2 different women, and a string of past relationships? Big red flag! he came across as too good to be true (another red flag) but the facade quickly unraveled and I soon realized that the man had zero empathy. I also found out he is a notorious domestic abuser. I fear for the life of his son, which he uses as a tool to get his supply. I know it was my initial shyness and sweetness that made me his perfect target. He le

God bless and help every victim of Narcissistic abuse, you are strong warrior🙏🏻💕

...as a person who was married to a narcissistic psychopathic sociopath for 26 years, I just want to say to those still in their clutches, "Leave. Now. Start your life and realize that this person is never going to change." They lack the empathy, the soul and the desire to change because they truly don't feel they've done anything wrong. Mr. Vaknin's videos have been a huge help to me in trying to understand why I stayed with a monster and how I was manipulated. Thank you.

truth be told many of these types are simply SOULESS. The children of disobedience. Mere illusions.

This is really eye-opening. Thank goodness I discovered this in my twenties and not later. This will save me a lot of health, nerves and energy from now on since now I realize who I was stuck with was an actual hardcore NPD person.

Why do narcissist come out on top and those who have loved them are stuck picking up the pieces?

He left me feeling foolish, used, confused, angry, hurt, lied to. but I've learned so much about myself and my masochistic nature. I have become so much stronger. His extreme admirations of me actually gave me a confidence I could have never achieved on my own, even if those admirations were fake. Attracting this entity into my life was a huge awakening. I'm not that scared little girl anymore.

nice to know he is not sorry and never was. I should have understood that sooner from his same behavior over and over with the "apology" in between that meant nothing.

Wow, this is so true, the abuser knows your weak link and take advantage of the forgiveness process

LOL ~ Sam, Yes.. You Nailed it ~"Some People Survive Tornados.. That's Not A Reason To Seek One Out".. LOL Very Well Said Sir.. :)

(Continued) and cruelty to the cat, when it died from his neglect, he still professed to "love" the cat. THAT is exemplary of a narcissist's love. Thank God, as far as myself, I had home nursing care.

I have to watch you at least 3 times a week just to wake myslelf up to the truth. My mom is a Narc. All my life I have been looking for some way to connect in a loving close family way with her. I felt she was a shell with no one inside but really felt awful thinking like that and would stop FAST. You discribe her like you have known her for 50 years. I don't like what you say at all, but it is true what you say. I don't want to say good-bye to my mom. But she really is a shell and everything is about her all the time. Like you say, it's not just me. She's like that with everyone.

My mother and my husband are both Narc. My mother has ignored me to be controlong for years and then sends me gifts of monitary value, my husband has repeatedly abandon me and has never accepted the fault. Thank you for your videos

I am moving far away. He doesn't know that I'm leaving. I wonder how much if at all he relies on the SNS I offer....I am old supply to him that he re-idealizes approximately every 3 weeks for a period of about 1-2 weeks.....he's been as predictable as rain. I love how narcissists are desperate to be unique yet there is nothing ...zero about them that is actually unique.

My NPD friend certainly made an impression on me. Early on, displays of simultaneous street cunning and self-made-man worldliness combined with intellectual pyrotechnics. What in particular invaded my mind and destroyed my confidence and independence was the way in which the NPD told brutal truths, which made 'normal people' look more like charlatans and made me feel foolish. It was a case of 'True observations for the wrong reasons rather than incorrect observations for the right reasons'. The piercing candour and ruthless analysis stunned me as I bought into them, rather than noticing how they dismantled my own sense of understanding my self and the world I lived in and pushed me into becoming more awestruck and malleable to the NPD. I am not saying anything he said was not 'accurate' he could take apart even my nearest and dearest with precision...but the motivation I eventually realised is the real point.Not only that, it seems as though, my absorption of characteristics that more closely match his psychic world made me more controllable and predictable.Ideal Prey.

It seems like I am just perpetuating my own victimhood, by believing that there is hope. It is extremely difficult, because the narcissist is my Mother and I want a better relationship with her.

Being raised by a narcissist mother, this is not new to me. Like many of these people, she was both neglectful and abusive towards us, her children, while displaying extreme protectiveness as a show in front of others.

Hello Sam, thank you for this video. I am 16 years old and my father is sure that I am a Narcissist. I'm still deeply afraid of being one, and I find myself watching all of your videos to make sure. I do have control , rage and entitlement issues. I do hate myself. I do say things to gain attention because I love attention. I want to heal. I don't know how to love. I obsessed with figuring out what is wrong with me and I isolate myself because I'm not capable of healthy attachments. Thanks again

COLD-BLOODED

Here's another 'tactic'....tell me what you think. but i think they use one "victim' to pit against another, and feed off the hate. Such as, an employer who pits two workers against each other, and sits back to feed...

Sounds like a catch 22. Then there is no pont in forgiving them

Sam i thank you so much... i have watched so so so many of your videos and i have gained SO much clarity, and i have learned SO much. my mother is the absolute typical Narcissist. i am the "black sheep", the first child, a daughter. my brother is the "golden child", the second child, a son. i grew up with this all of my life...and have sustained A LOT of mental/emotional damage (also a mild form of PTSD), that i did a LOT of therapy and counseling to try and heal. *my major question and problem* here, is that i recently developed a serious illness, that included cardiac problems. i was in and out of the hospital many times, and finally, i was too sick to work anymore and had to go on disability. the disability is just not enough money to live on... so my parents told me i could come home and live with them until i get better, or save up enough money etc... so i did, because i had no where else to go. now i am IN HELL. i should have known better because it is the same HELL i lived through as a child in this house.... but i have no where else to go! there have been times i thought i should just go to a women's shelter or something but they have limits on how long you can stay... i have looked at studio apartments, and even just rooms for rent and it would STILL be questionable if i could survive financially. besides the fact that my doctors think that with my illness, it would be best if i am not living all alone, in case something happens, there would be someone to get help... my mother told me that when i decided i was ready/able to leave and live on my own, to make sure i knew what i was doing, because there would be NO taking me back in... so that also scares me terribly, and re-inforces that i *must* be sure that if i leave i will be okay, because i believe she really and truly would not take me back in. i have no friends or any other family who could take me in, and so despite my knowing better, and 4 different therapists and counselors saying "you HAVE to get out of that house!" i can't right now, and *I AM STUCK HERE. WITH HER.* i have never heard her say she is sorry, no matter how factually she is proven wrong. i have never heard her just say 'i love you'... i have been in my room crying/groaning in pain, throwing up, and having chest pain... and she will just walk right by without even looking at me, let alone asking if i am okay. everytime i get an issue or problem almost completely worked through, healed, and down to a tiny little flame to put out.... she comes along and just pours gasoline all over it, and then acts as if she did no such thing and that i am imagining things. you know this, you know how they are... and as far as my father... he knows there is nothing he can do, and even if he tries, she just freaks out on him too... and he is very introverted and says "all i want is some peace and quiet in my own house!" if he has to 'take her side' to get that peace and quiet, he will. although i can see the flicker of guilt in his eyes about it. she has turned the whole family against me, and they ALL believe her! she is religious and does all kinds of charity work... her church parish think she is practically a saint. if i told anyone how things *REALLY* are in this house, how she *REALLY* is, no one would EVER believe me. (again, other than my dad. but he wants nothing to do with it) i watch videos and read books/articles about how to deal with a narcissist... in the end, they ALL CONCLUDE that the best thing to do is *limit* or have *no contact*. you see the problem here? i CAN'T do that!! i am trying my best to stay strong and remind myself that she is probably more mentally ill than i ever was so i try to remember that it is all coming from a totally irrational and uncaring person, i get therapy twice a week (thank God for him, he truly understands. he tried to get her to come in with me for a visit and she outright refused, of course. but i know i can trust him with what i say, and having at least one person i trust helps). i am saving up as much money as i possibly can, i am trying to get my health back at least to a reasonable degree so that i can go back to work, and at least once a week i look for possible 'studio apartments' or 'rooms for rent' that i think i can afford along with my other bills. i also keep an 'emergency bag' ready, just in case i need to leave the house immediately for one or two nights in a hotel (but this is only for when i am physically threatened). if there is anything that you could possibly suggest, anything that you think might help even in the slightest, i would appreciate it. i am afraid. and i am alone with this....

These videos are so helpful to me. I was married to a women who I believe has NPD. This has helped me realize and disconnect my own attachment to her. We have two children and cannot fully disconnect but at least emotionally and psychologically I can keep as much space as possible.

You are a God send. 🙏

The strongest video I have ever watched. You’ve answered my biggest question so far: he (my ex fiance) had done what he had done consciously. There’s no excuse for him. He was not an innocent child. He could tell bad from good. He had chosen the bad.

sir, you are a lifes saver. thank you

Yes I was sucked in for at least 2O years of friendship well I’m proud and happy to say I have done the deed got rid of the narc it happens yesterday and I’ve had hours of abuse hurled at me via text...but every text she wrote she dug the whole deeper and I did not reply except to say I wish her luck in her life which was then followed by more abusive texts ....they are children and very aggressive....I feel free and am now just mourning the friendship, but I feel good about the descion and it’s easier for me to keep her away if she thinks it was all my fault...HEREs TO NEW LIFE AND FREEDOM NO MORE TOXIC INDIVIDUALS WILL BE ALLOWED IN THIS PERSONS TAKE CHARGE PEOPLE WE DONT HAVE LONG ON THIS EARTH , SURROUND YOURSELF WITH STRONG,HEALTHY INDIVIDUALS WHO BRING YOU UP INSTEAD OF PLAYING ,MUNIPULATING ,PLAYING VICTIM,BACKSTABBING,TRIANGULATING,NASTY INDIVIDUALS WHO MAKE YOU FEEL INSIGNIFICANT ESPECIALLY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY OR YOUR SPECIAL DAYS THEY HAVE TOO GOO LIFE IS SO SHORT AND PRECIOUS .......KNOW YOUR WORTH.........

Oh my God... That last sentence is very scary!!! Thank you Sir, for all the details and help on how to deal with these monsters! My cheating narc wife (started cheating at about 5 years ago) on a 30 year marriage, I feel so much hurt, sadness, pain and anxiety that I cannot find the proper words to describe my feelings. I have come to the realization that she's been cheating on our family for about 5 years, but I'm hanging on until I can get evidence of her cheating, so then I will be able to expose her true self to her family and friends. I WANT TO GO OUT WITH A BANG!!!

Sam...thank you, thank you, for validating my feelings...for helping me understand that I am not insane! After my final breakup with my exboyfriend of 5 1/2 years...I began reading many self help books. I began trying to figure out the craziness of my ex...so ultimately I could figure out when and how I had become lost. His being a Narcissist was the easy part of the puzzle. But thanks to you, I have answers to my inability, for so long, to let go of the endless hope that he would change.

Fortunately, I am taking a step back time to not be so emotionally dependent. What DOES work is holding something over a Narcissist's head, worked like a charm Mr. Sam Vaknin. I can sort of SEE why narcissistic people do what they do. It's, almost, intoxicating to know I have him right where I want him to be. BUT I had to get past the guilt of behaving this way FIRST. BUT I am not doing anything he has not done to himself in the first place. :)

Something I've been and trying to figure out for many years: If narcissists don't know right from wrong why are they sneaky about what they do - why the lying and the manipulation and all the other such characteristics?

Very informative on the matter.....viewing a few videos and reading up on narcissist inner working has been helpful. Avoid a narcissist at all cost....don't waste your time or for some love. Best advice .... Don't even acknowledge them. This is the world we live in and you must guard yourself. Everyone should read up on the matter so they can spot these individuals before they target you. Plus it really helps you understand why these individuals act and say things that really leave you confuse! I only feel bad for the children with parents like this! If your in a marriage or relationship.... Just end it. Love can be overrated in relationship/marriage with a narcissist. They will only use you, confuse you, scar you emotionally if you let them. You could be doing something better with your life....like living or finding someone who feels the same way you do...... Just avoid. I was involved with one for three years....had a close friend and bosses. Just time consuming or emotional drainage if you allow them to.

You very much describe someone I know. Charming,Abusive,Selfish, and lacks any sort of empathy whatsoever.

I'm 9 years late, listening to this video!! But all good things take time, so they say. Lol.. Repeat on almost all your videos. Thank you so much for your so eye-opening informative approach.

I so wish i had all these information: i wouldn't have suffered from my relation with my destructive narcissistic uncle who is ruthless and very manipulative in tendencies. He reads vulnerabilities like no other and he takes advantage to the teeth. I'm learning a lot from you everyday to develop abilities to better protect myself in future.

I personally believe that that everything that we feel arises out of the way we think about ourselves and others in our life. Your conscience will tell you between right and wrong. Try to listen to your conscience what is right as a human.You might change and develop love and empathy for others. Everything in this universe is created with love and thinking anything against love means you do not wish to really exist as part of this universe. It's a bit philosophical but love is philosophical.

I have a friend married to a narcissist. She knows it to, turns a blind eye to it in hopes that he will change, I tried to help her leave almost got her to as well. Then he used their income as a weapon sense he makes the money, ad she is a stay at home mom. And she says she fell back in love with him a month after he got called out on it, and he went to her and apologized and cried. I fear it's a hopeless situation for her. She I think is more scared in leaving and finding out what else

He is a shell, I said that about him at a time when I knew nothing about the personality disorder "sigh"! Where have you been the last 4 years of my life! I am thankful I found you, you are very helpful and straightforward, I like you. Thank you

You are NOT alone. And as long as you won't engage with a narc., you'll be left alone by them. Good work. Enjoy the evening.

thank you, for what you say hits the nail on the head. it is at least somewhat hopeful that i can learn about this and the behavior it causes and has caused since childhood with my mother. i am constantly hearing that i am just over dramatic as no one else can see her that way. my main problem is that i have fallen very ill and am now on disability; almost all vids about NPD say "just get out/away" this is impossible right now because what i make on disability is not enough to support myself,

I was a hot mess and not doing well i just wanted a friend cause i was lonely I was the perfect formula for this dynamic back then. Your voice is very soothing lovely.

Thank you for this information, having clairity makes things so much easier. I don't feel the need to internalize his attacks anymore because I know the root issue lies with him... now the hard part is finding the courage to do the best thing for myself. Namaste.

*That's the Devil..glad I escaped this fool!!* 🤤💯

My God, that was creep hearing and........matches the person I knew to a T

I grew up at the hands of narcissist. She held me back to laugh with glee at the life she didnt give me. She then brags about her platinum fairy tale and ohhh poo poo poor you,As a mother she lit the road like a dangerous persuasion a supreme Queen she was convincing me of my weaknesses and I believed her because I was her child she always said "Mother knows best". I was not allowed to love my Father she berated him at every turn ruining any good memory. killed off everyone who ever loved. her

He is willing to do.

I wish I could get rid of this hope of having a happy family with my narc husband! ( who refuses to sign the divorce papers) He said he goes to church now and he said he is ready to step in and help raise our daughter. By the next day, he wants go be selfish again. 😞 but I will be strong because I know that he will always will be for himself.. I have to be emotionally strong 💪🏾 and move on for good! No hope for change period!

Thank you so much Sam !! Listening to you makes me understand. To heal I must forgive, not the actions but the person they were abused and this is there condition. Thank you, I’m very grateful for your knowledge 🙏

This guy knows his shit. Time.for victims to cut the shit and set boundaries. Once they're dismissed or disrespected by another, move the fuck on. Keep it simple.

Thank you, this explains a relationship I had when I was 21. I thought of this man as being from Neptune and alien because his psychological makeup was so foreign to me.

Don’t have relationship with a narcissist. Don’t help to create more Narcissists in the world by having children with them or fail to nurture and raise your children right. Please, we have more than enough of these creatures around to wreak havoc in our lives.

Thanks, Sam, for putting out the effort to make these videos. Now I have a succinct definition as I have ever had of the phenomenon I have been dealing with in my NPD spouse for the last 25 years.Yeah. 25 years! That's almost back to childhood! So many years ago a psychologists counseled me that my husband was narcissistic and I was avoidant. I didn't know what to make of that at the time. I didn't know that was why I felt no more significant to my significant than a household appliance, which was exactly what I used to complain about. A few years later I was counseled to detach and make as good of a life as I could for the children and myself. I did. My NPD husband did learn to modify many of his destructive behaviors and now even has enough insight and admits to not being able to empathize.As far as I can tell it seems akin to not having a sense such as hearing or sight.I stayed in the marriage to protect the children but have paid with my health. Eventually I developed depression, arthritis and a vaso-spastic cardiac condition which can be life threatening. True to the saying that we become our parents our child who always most resembled dad seems to becoming increasingly narc as he grows into adulthood.I have tried everything I could think of to keep our children from becoming narc. His brother, only a year younger, more like me, is not.

Sometimes I wonder if I am a narcissist but I feel really bad when I hurt others so I try not too, however it seems like most people don’t care if they hurt me, sometimes I wonder if my entire community is narcissist and they’re locking up and putting in jail everyone who isn’t?

I agree with you 100%. i deceived myself. I was looking at the goodness of my heart and judging them according, even when they showed me they aint anything, i kept seeing something. The action are the same from the beginning. Whenever i gave him positive criticism, he would rage and ran away for days, then come back begging on his knees. He would act in rage when i am getting successful, he would say i should step a side and give it to him. He very badmind

I love your view of inverted Narcissim & Stokholm syndrome agree 100

Thank you so much. This is difficult work you're doing. II finally realized I had to cut off ALL narcissistic supply (I needed that concept), draw my line, stay disengaged while he tried to persuade me to step over the line, so it'd be 'all my fault' again, and let nature take its course. And it worked. I won't turn my back on him again, ever. Evicted by the lanlord, this unwholesome housemate moves out in 26 days. I feel safe. He knows, now. Find a new victim. Sad..

'The narcissist is a shell, and ONLY a shell'.

Thank you Sam!I recognise my ex husband in that!

how can such people exsit on eartth. when you say they are just a shell- theres nothing under there. thats unbelievable.

Incredible insights to assist in the healing journey and aftermath of loving a sociopathic narcissist. Grateful Sam ❤️

Thank you for sharing your understanding of this illness. I never knew this until I lived with one in which prompted me to do research that brought me to your channel. I appreciate your effort to educate the world about this mental malfunctions.

Wow. Just..wow. This is incredibly powerful. I got divorced last year from a person several therapists told me was a narcissist. The first I thought was mistaken-by the time I saw the second I knew it was true. He has been pretty good with me and the kids since the divorce, but this last week he has been horrible-just the way he was when we were married. I realized this morning he has a new girlfriend-emotionally it means nothing to me-haven't loved him for years. But why he is being so mean to me and the kids I'm not so sure. Any insights on that?

Mr. Vaknin, I have listened to all of your videos and have been so enlightened on this subject because of them. They are excellent, very well prepared and extremely well explained. I have found them very helpful. It is a pleasure to listen to you.

Thank you! Your work is so important to so many of us trying to understand both ourselves and people around us.

This short and sweet video has been the single most personally helpful for me out of everything I’ve seen on Prof Sam’s channel. Thank you!

Thank you Sam for your excellent videos! A great help in many ways.

Thank you for this. Highly profound to my healing.

Jesus, I married an alien, FIGURATIVELY & LITERALLY!

Yep, that fit exactly what I see in my soon to be ex spouse. Thanks for tearing off my roses colored glasses and I'm starting to get my head together. Great video!

These videos are great! I have referred over a dozen people to them. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing!

Thank goodness you help people now. Do you know how valuable your work is ? I hope you can enjoy that fact and know it is true thank u 🙏

Thank you Sam! My father, sister and mother in law are all narcs. I feel awake thanks to you. I've just bought your book and your videos are helping me understand so much, not just about these abusers but myself. I'm already healing. Cheers mate xx

Greater balance? Sam Vaknin is totally right and I have personally observed most of what he says in his videos. Suggest you read and reread them and watch. They are eye openers and do not leave your ultimate decision too late, however painful this may be. I am a male.

Very imminent danger!! Thats no lie!

thank you Sam these are fantastic - They make sense to the senseless - for I was a victim

Thank you for your excellent presentation and how you clearly conveyed the personality of a narcissist

Wow! This one really tells it how it is. It hit home for me anyway. Thanks again Sam ... :)

Thank you for your kind words. I suggest that you buy the book from Barnes and Noble (online or in a store near you). Copies sold via Amazon are second-hand and MUCH MORE expensive! Or go to my website and purchase the e-book edition!