Narcissistic Parents: Keys to Healthy Empathy They Never Taught You

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6 жыл бұрын

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Self Differentiation Expert Jerry Wise has been helping individuals, couples, and families for 39 years. Many grow up in families in which empathizing was not a skill that was practiced nor encouraged. Marriage is a relationship in which empathy is essential. Many have never learned how to empathize. Jerry Wise offers 7 essential keys to learning how to empathize. For more help or therapy contact Jerry Wise at 317-919-6264 or hello@jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com. He offers in-office or Skype/Facetime therapy/coaching. He is a local therapist and an international coach. Contact him at www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

Пікірлер: 158

@jerrywise Жыл бұрын

👇🏼This is how I can help you 👇🏼 ➡FREE 84-Minute Training: "Build The REAL SELF You Were Never Allowed To Have!" jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 🆘FREE Toolkit for Instant Family & Relationship Detachment join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/ 🔥🔥🔥 6-week online program 'Your New Road To SELF': Break free from toxic family patterns, heal the damage, and discover your true self! program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

@raulantunez4228 4 жыл бұрын

Sometimes I feel too cold hearted because I can’t put myself on someone else’s shoes.

@idekman980 3 жыл бұрын

Some times you say the wrong thing😂😂

@arniedamaniac6206 3 жыл бұрын

@Warn Gamers but not everyone can your empathy levels are born within you not changeable

@mytwosense5223 2 жыл бұрын

i can relate

@itsaaronlolz 2 жыл бұрын

i only think about my shoes lol

@urbanvegsa1928 2 жыл бұрын

@@rustyrussell3211 what did you learn?

@jorgejacobo7359 4 жыл бұрын

SUMMARY STEPS: 1) Will yourself to learn; 2) Bracket out feelings, emotions, thoughts, conclusions, focus on theirs; 3) Advocate for and take the other side for the moment; 4) Listen Actively and feel into the other experience; 5) Do your family of origin recovery work; 6) Deal with your anger, resentment, hurt, feelings of betrayal and look for and leave your emotional triangles; and 7) Think counter-intuitively vs. your common way of thinking/concluding.

@woodkay4311 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!!!

@iamthestormthatisapproaching69 4 жыл бұрын

I usually have literally no idea what to say, like I'd say things like "that sucks man" because it's so easy to say. And I usually respond with that because I've never experienced anything similar or relatable. Ever. And then i feel like shit because i feel like I didn't say the right thing and then they distance themselves from me. Ughhhh

@IS3000vato 3 жыл бұрын

lol For real

@astridjaye6224 3 жыл бұрын

Though are more empathetic than many

@nakia4230 3 жыл бұрын

I done this a lot. And I really don’t have much to say either. Definitely trying to be better

@fogenbogen9617 3 жыл бұрын

At least you’re on this video trying to better yourself!

@adityamalik4937 Жыл бұрын

It's been 2 years.... Is there an improvement in how you empathize with others? I'm dealing with the same thing.

@shahriarkabirdany7330 5 жыл бұрын

7 keys starts from 9.01

@evyd88 5 жыл бұрын

life saver

@supaheavy69 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you SOO MUCH!

@Aritul 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@mychelleshenae 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@mychelleshenae 4 жыл бұрын

@@supaheavy69 I was saying the same thing

@fgonzalez7058 4 жыл бұрын

I used to be very empathic but i had a depression and i feel my empathy has reduced

@danielknott7447 3 жыл бұрын

It took me 38 years of dysfunctional behaviour to realise i feared intimacy, what I was missing out on and how good feeling sad and feeling others emotions felt, when it finally started to happen I cried so much but felt happy doing it. I feel like a child learning how to view the world after so many years thinking i knew it all.

@kennedyharrison7841 3 жыл бұрын

What steps did you take to change? I am a lot younger than you, but I feel this way right now & I don’t want to be stuck like this much longer.

@danielknott7447 3 жыл бұрын

@@kennedyharrison7841 Hi Kennedy. I have worked with a therapist over a number of years with some of the issues I have in relationships but only recently really dug down deep. I have found looking at my behaviours and what lies beneath (usually very different to what I outwardly project) helped a lot, being honest with my feelings and also having empathy for myself in not being taught better as a child or even if it is just something genetic just realising I don’t consciously want to be like that. I also try now whenever possible to put myself in another’s shoes and try not to assume how someone would feel. It doesn’t happen automatically but the results have been pretty drastic over the last 8 months I’m very much a different person but I do slip now and again. I also found reading philosophy helped me greatly in understand how I maybe became this way. There’s a KZfaq channel called the school of life which has some great videos. Stick at it whilst you’re young and I’m confident you can make huge improvements which will make your life a lot more pleasant for you and the people around you. Stay safe

@DAClub-uf3br 10 ай бұрын

I am 57 and i still have this problem. I feel angry because of what i have missed out on all my life.

@rhythmoflove2 6 жыл бұрын

Most of the time I overly empathize due to my codependency, but I’m working on that. Thanks again for your videos.

@treasurkonic1279 4 жыл бұрын

My close friends have been pointing out recently that I need to feel for others more and put myself in their shoes. I thought I was good at empathising but it turns out I was just calculating their response and thinking of possible outcomes. I also realized how manipulative and self centered I can be when dealing with others. I wish I could deflate my ego a bit. Thanks for this video! It helped me

@treasurkonic1279 4 жыл бұрын

@remmi Kind of feels nice that I'm not the only one around here who feels that way😂 Do you by any chance know your MBTI type? I'm trying to see a pattern here👀

@treasurkonic1279 4 жыл бұрын

@remmi Oh I'm INTJ😂😂, You know, all the people I've met with empathy problems have turned out to be IxTx. Interesting.

@myrtila 2 жыл бұрын

The way you described yourself SCREAMED mbti enthusiast lol. “Thinking the possible outcomes” is straight up a Ni thing.

@ranucha83 2 жыл бұрын

After living 20 years with my narcissistic mother, It's kind of became hard to emphatize with others when they're sad because mine was never acknowledged. I just freeze and dont know what to say or do when people around me are sad...

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

If our parents never modeled this to us growing up, it makes sense that we can struggle with this as adults. But also as adults we can now choose to be our own parents and start modeling these behaviors to ourselves

@lolalola2323 4 жыл бұрын

I was the most person who emphasize with people and everything... then i got a lot of abuse a lot of pain to the amount I cannot emphasize with anything even my self

@harusu8610 4 жыл бұрын

I hope you're getting better! If you ever think no one is loving you, i do because i suffer from the same pain as you. Send you a virtual hug

@lolalola2323 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you Kira ♥️♥️♥️ you made my day 💕💕

@jeicypaucar-morocho4938 3 жыл бұрын

You’ll eventually get better at it I believe in you I’m trying to get better too

@emelehem 4 жыл бұрын

Learning how to empathize at all would be such a big help

@JMF1992 4 жыл бұрын

I really want to thank you so much for explaining this! I have never in my whole life had the fortune of anyone telling me how to do this. I really appreciate how you acknowledge that people like me who've been abused and neglected wouldn't have learned how to do empathy properly or might have fears about it. And I especially appreciate step 7 where you actually broke it down, which helped me see exactly what I've been doing. ❤

@shubha2308 4 жыл бұрын

That was great, Jerry. Thanks a ton.

@Randinoish 4 жыл бұрын

In response, you are very welcome sir!! Thank you for shedding light on a topic that I am interested in. God blesss.

@IS3000vato 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing. I wrote almost every word you said. This unfortunately is currently highlighted in my life, so I appreciate and applaud you for posting this up on KZfaq. I needed to have this broken down to me.

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you!

@KenGold666 6 жыл бұрын

this is exactly what I needed!

@victoria9535 4 жыл бұрын

My mom told me that I'm very selfish and I want to become a better person.

@madbcbxx3921 3 жыл бұрын

me too

@savnac 3 жыл бұрын

What a helpful video, this allowed me to understand that there is an explanation for my narcissistic point of view on life, and this video gave me the ability to see into giving that up for a more open minded relationship with my partner. Thank you jerry!

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@BlindFaith777 5 жыл бұрын

Excellent! Absolutely excellent. That you for sharing your gift!!

@yoelmorel2853 5 жыл бұрын

Such a great energy from this video

@lauraciuraneta 5 жыл бұрын

This is so helpful. Thank you so much!!

@charlesscott27 4 жыл бұрын

May I ask how it was helpful?

@shirkedance 5 жыл бұрын

Lovely video . Got to learn a lot . Thank you . GOD bless you!

@neonnights16 2 жыл бұрын

This is so good! Thank you!

@DaughtersofOrion Жыл бұрын

Great work. I can almost be too empathetic, but since escaping an abusive situation , I now find myself more mindful when my emotions and empathy are being used to manipulate me. and it’s overwhelming and scary. But I don’t want to lose myself in this journey and become bitter or paranoid . So here I am! ❤ I love the counterintuitive one especially! “Balance each thought with its opposite. Their marriage is the destruction of illusion “ -AC. ❤ Much love and respect!

@Px828 5 жыл бұрын

Very clearly explained. Very helpful. Thanks.

@corsicanlulu 6 жыл бұрын

my experience has always been that i empathize but i dont get it back usually. i give it to the wrong people and so im bitter and am shut off. i guess i need to find better people to open up to

@MultiJay123123 6 жыл бұрын

corsican lulu did one of your parents ignore or mistreat you? I picked people like my mother. I didn't realize I was trying to prove I could make mother love me.

@abdulfetahsherefa1917 3 жыл бұрын

Empathize to understand only

@lm4349 2 жыл бұрын

I am going thru the same thing. My gf calls me Lulu short for Lucius or Lu. Small world.

@kasietaylor6458 3 жыл бұрын

Very insightful. One of the best videos I’ve seen. Thank you very much for sharing.

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

Wow thank you!

@nalawatt7157 5 жыл бұрын

Great video. Very informative

@bb-3653 3 жыл бұрын

I've been wanting to see this sort of stuff, my empathy has gone down ever since I was depressed and as a teen, whereas as a kid I was full empathy. Thanks for the video.

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

You are welcome Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZfaq channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZfaq channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

@racoonplont 5 жыл бұрын

Thankyou! This was helpful

@puppuppuppy1726 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this information. I found it very insightful!

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@ladyboss1727 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the advice. This is very helpful. ♥️

@jerrywise 4 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@karenkasteler942 4 жыл бұрын

Wow.....these are such EXCELLENT explanations.....I'm amazed....THANK YOU JERRY...I was married to a very Unempathetic person and always wondered.

@alio1756 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Jerry !

@briarroseO 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks! Helpful to hear the process described

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@BrianDonato 4 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the message - empathy is so important! I discuss this in the last video on my channel as well, in the context of inner peace, from a parenting perspective. I hope messages like ours empower people to practice empathy! I just subscribed to your channel too, keep up the content.

@leonvdm 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks. Clear explanation

@nobody3888 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much doc

@rachaelbandakasoko6158 2 жыл бұрын

This is very helpful..I needed to hear this. Am willing to learn

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

I’m happy you find it helpful. Willingness to learn is key!

@nahuienergy2286 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for thus video!

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

@billholloway4582 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, this is very helpful.

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful! Thank you for watching my videos. If you would like to donate to help produce more free videos, it would be greatly appreciated. Any amounts helps us produce great videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

@amy_-oz5bf 3 жыл бұрын

my struggle is mainly seeing it from their point of view (my friends are the ones I'm trying to empathise with but they have depression and awful family situations that i simply don't have any experience with so I struggle to relate and express that i feel for them)

@sohanchandel 4 жыл бұрын

Great video.

@BrandonLutz2737 Жыл бұрын

i’m only here because my mother said that I don’t care about others feelings and i don’t see a problem with that so i’m trying to learn why it’s needed and if it’s actually needed

@mpcc2022 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the video.

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

@aymadummeech Жыл бұрын

Intellect needs empathy to be happy. With intellect comes different activities and interpretations. And from that, different experiences. Different experiences means no connection. The only way you can connect is through shared experiences. And to share experiences is to either to have experienced it or to EXPERIENCE it through empathy.

@astridjaye6224 3 жыл бұрын

Great video 😍

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! 🤗

@daver.summers3280 3 жыл бұрын

GREAT success & ability offer up to articulate the concept! Most worthy of it's mission ops & the welfare of Seeking of further Light. Thank You for your sharing & offerings of wisdom & experience of the craft. - VIRTUS JUNXIUT MORS NON-SEPERABIT - 14*

@sashmax2189 5 жыл бұрын

Yep...dealing with this issue (me) in my marriage right now. Ugh!!

@alanteran723 3 жыл бұрын

Drink a shot everytime he says the Word : "empathy" I'm kidding, excellent video btw !!!!

@yoshamii 3 жыл бұрын

I used to be a really empathic person, now I don't know what happened to me. It's like I just lost myself. I feel so selfish because I do make a lot of things about me and rarely about the other person.

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

Check out the book by Margaret Paul INNER BONDING Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZfaq channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZfaq channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

@Corafx 3 жыл бұрын

thank you!

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

@shaniceonike3505 2 жыл бұрын

Such a good video! I can’t find the website by the Peter you mentioned at the end - would love for you to link it here please. Thank you for the great tips!

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you enjoyed the video Shanice ❤️ here are the links: sfhelp.org/site/pkg.htm kzfaq.info kzfaq.info/love/GtttWFyL_KTl6hA8TNIt3Avideos

@socialns701 5 жыл бұрын

Thanx Jerry for your view about empathy. Greate work and I like your smiley at the end. It seams that you are enjoin making these videos. Again greate work. Also here in the Netherlands we see your video's. I Will keep on practicing. Cheers. Maarten

@LauraMcCullough83 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@jerrywise 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZfaq channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZfaq channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]

@frob2525 4 жыл бұрын

I have to learn how to empathize because I don't know how to emote well.

@almohvn33 2 жыл бұрын

Super!!!!!

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Thank you for watching my videos. If you would like to donate to help produce more free videos, it would be greatly appreciated. Any amounts helps us produce great videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

@jeeed6390 5 жыл бұрын

Can I get a transcript of this?

@fotbalista6969 2 жыл бұрын

Is it possible that i empathize but sometimes i just dont know what to respond? Yesterday my girlfriend opened to me with a problem she felt, i listened, i felt for her but my response di not look like i feel for her or i maybe care. But i do, honestly.

@jamiecee4960 2 жыл бұрын

Coming to close to someone is scary. Can be too much. They got to Empathize with what my feelings are. The other person needs to see how it is making me feel.

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

It could be too much, especially if we were never taught to be close to others ❤️

@dark420tides 3 жыл бұрын

I think I’m either a sociopath or just not emotional that much because if someone gets hurt or something and it’s over something dumb or stupid or even normal I don’t say anything and sometimes I even enjoy it or hate them for crying over something so dumb. I also hate myself for this so it annoys me.

@dark420tides 3 жыл бұрын

I can’t even hug my own siblings most of the time and I hate myself for it

@spaceowl5957 2 жыл бұрын

Maybe you have the avoidant attachment style? It makes ppl afraid of intimacy. Doesn’t totally fit your description but worth looking into imo. Almost half of US adults have a maladaptive attachment style

@spaceowl5957 2 жыл бұрын

And don’t hate yourself for it. It’s not your fault.

@spaceowl5957 2 жыл бұрын

The fact you’re trying to change is very good and admirable!

@karenkirkpatrick5669 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video. I would like to learn more and would like to learn more about Peter Gariosh?? Can you please share the correct last name? I couldn’t find him. I will also be listening to more of your videos. Thank you again!

@jerrywise 5 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure I remember. What book was I talking about or at what minute in the video was I talking about Peter G? I will check

@IS3000vato 3 жыл бұрын

@@jerrywise One year later... lol I was hoping I'd find the answer here.

@janinehart3245 3 жыл бұрын

Peter Geriach ‘Break the Cycle’

@ShadowZZZ 4 жыл бұрын

I can't believe it's a virtue under school children to be un-empathic

@sunshinedelicana1024 3 жыл бұрын

There was a news about a disaster and people are crying for help but I felt nothing.... Empty just like when our puppy died. I knew I have to change myself... Please help

@jaxspellinar 2 жыл бұрын

I don't think I have as much an issue with empathy as I do thinking ahead of time about how my actions will affect the person I'm in a relationship with (i.e. Birthdays don't mean much to me, but they do to her, so when I don't do something special she throws a fit)

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

This can be many different things, better context and seeing the patterns is necessary for better understanding of this. I will say, that all of us can learn to empathize in better ways (healthy empathy vs enmeshed empathy)

@parsbontatis4010 10 ай бұрын

what about empathy in conflict?

@brunanakayamabarbosa7547 2 жыл бұрын

Great video! However, too many commercials.

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

Noted! I'm glad you enjoyed the video

@leigonveteran113 4 жыл бұрын

I tried but I can’t.... I have APD help me..

@jamiecee4960 2 жыл бұрын

Thought I was or have Empathy already.

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

There can be fake empathy. True empathy is our ability to see our own pain of seeing someone else's pain and regulating our own pain while allowing them to regulate (or struggle to regulate) their own ❤️

@jamiecee4960 2 жыл бұрын

@@jerrywise Sorry. I'm not Fake. I do have Empathy.

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

@@jamiecee4960 I did not mean to say you don't have empathy, sorry if it sounded like I did ❤️

@burns83 4 жыл бұрын

Why is empathy always focused this way. Where in the definition of empathy does it say that you have to be an over sentimental being?

@urbanvegsa1928 2 жыл бұрын

Do you work with people remotely?

@jerrywise 2 жыл бұрын

Yes contact me at jwlearning@hotmail.com. I do work remotely. I’ll send you information about working with me. Thanks for watching.

@grapesthemonkey5653 2 жыл бұрын

9:01

@itsaaronlolz 2 жыл бұрын

i’m only good at pretending to empathize. i’m really good at it. but i don’t care 😭

@spaceowl5957 2 жыл бұрын

What’s the difference between pretending and actually empathizing?

@itsaaronlolz 2 жыл бұрын

@@spaceowl5957 it hurts peoples feelings when they find out. 🥺

@DAClub-uf3br 10 ай бұрын

The graphic with one persons brain spilling into the others is disturbing.

@lordylordlord7053 4 жыл бұрын

I never felt empathy I dont think lol, maybe for animals

@parsbontatis4010 10 ай бұрын

yes but a lot of psychology involves pigeons pushing levers, no?

@den_with10s 3 жыл бұрын

9:01

@spiritorzo5837 2 жыл бұрын