This is crucial for me both are nearing their seventies and it is getting too evil and childish. Thank you very much Dr. Wise. My mother knows listen t you and she even mocked you by minimizing your positive influence in my life. Meh, it is one ear and one out the other. Yes, they play on the sociocultural axiology to play the higher moral ground and this is why my father threw a 360 by saying: let see how things will be when I die? As if…. (sigh) Basically all of the tactics that you asserted here Dr. Wise, my parents have done to me on a regular basis especially with my sister a s golden child archetype.

they were AWFUL when young; then they got old& wamt Pity

You're AMAZING, Jerry!!

You can never get your family of origin "out of" you. Uncovering your true self is your mission, but it involves forgiving your family of origin as a path to discerning loving boundaries. Your family is what the universe gave you for your growth in this incarnation. We are not on this earth merely for material and hedonic pleasure. That is an empty, shallow path. This worldview creates terminally adolescent whiners. Those who spot it got it. (If narcissism is your obsession, you may be the nnarcissist too.)

We were allowed to go out with friends with minimal rules. Then we say no wonder we are rebellious. We were not allowed to go out of our parents eyesight. Then we say no wonder we became rebellious, Who is right?

I hear you loud and clear. She's still alive, but that's how I feel when I cry now. As tho time's run out, and she's still horrible. I'm sorry for what you've endured. I hope you have abundant peace and joy now.

Me too

My mean narc mom died January 29, 2024 a day before my birthday and I haven't shed one tear. At first I thought there was something wrong with me for not grieving but I've been grieving her my whole life and now there are no more tears left.

Yep

I grieved the mother and grandmother I wish I and my kids had. She's still alive but if she passes I won't visit her grave or cry but rather will carry on living my own life to the fullest

Omg!! So perfect!

@@Twinzma so true x

That's literally what they shouted at us when we were children. They were foreshadowing the rest of our lives.

Yup! Sometimes agreeing with them too!

Exactly. They want to be the police while they use infinite ways to torture. Their torture is thinking the real police is always watching and waiting.

yep! that's what narc mothers do. they don't care about your life or your happiness. they only care about themselves. as the spinster who is struggling in the family I'm in that very situation now...living with this toxic woman who is preventing me from working a job ever since my car died (she owns 2 cars btw). i'm not allowed to borrow one of her cars to work a job. she doesn't want me to become independent b/c she wants me to live with her and cater to her even though she's totally healthy. she said to me "you owe me. i raised you. you need to take care of me" and my siblings....all 5 are doing exceptionally well in life...they all drive bmw's and mercedes' and own multiple homes...all of them do nothing but put me down for struggling and they say "well, you live with her, you need to take care of her." they all cater to her in their own ways but do not invite her to live with them. gee, i wonder why? and it's convenient for all of them to not help me become independent (not that i want their help) because it would mean they would have to help her more plus they love bullying me and putting me down. they are all insecure and toxic. my body and spirit are ready to get out of here and move on. just don't know how. Anyway, stick to your guns. Keep your distance. Maintain those boundaries and do NOT let your mother guilt you into taking care of her! She will never respect your needs.

Damn Nona. 😢😢

Hold firm, Nona - I know people who have been guilted into the spinster/slave lifestyle and their lives have been a kind of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. You're really brave and strong to be able to see the situation for what it is - and choose yourself and your marriage!

What you write here is identical to what happened in my family. It was a total shock to my parents when I married at the age of 50. Then they banned him from their home, and told me I was welcome to visit them, but without him. No Contact since 2020. It’s upsetting still, as they are both 81 and I’m an only child. As you wrote, “Just…wow.” I’m sorry you have to experience this! 🤗

You have to do what's right for yourself. Good on you for saying no.

When somebody try to make me feel like shit, I used to show him that his opinion doesn't matter to me and then make him feel like shit in more sophisticated way. It works great with narcissistic people. I really don't like to be like that, but I'm doing it from respect to myself.

Good for you! 🙏 It's a lesson not easily learnt by many, myself included...but eventually we just have to see it for what it is...

Amen sister, me too ❤

​@@earthrooster1969It's very hard to walk away when you're an empath. However once time passes, you regain your freedom and confidence.

Same. Never used to but now it’s easy.

Thanks, this is pretty funny 😆 It makes me realize one more time how ridiculous their mind can be

Good for you. You lived your life. She was selfish . Let those words roll off your back like water. The person that was mandated to protect you was the one you needed protecting from. You did good. You got away. It's a wake up call to everyone who has a narcissist parent. Go no contact and stay no contact. You're free my friend. You did nothing wrong. It's her fault not yours. Enjoy every breath . Enjoy you your life. Stay happy.

My mother has attempted to prevent me from growing up. Still. And I'm 34. She makes me think she only loved me when I was her little girl she could control. She hates that I think for myself.

@@mags_9532 Yep. They want us to raise them and in order to do that they have to keep control. When my mom lost control of me, I was dead to her. Sorry you have experienced this as well.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Good for you getting out of the house instead of becoming her lackey. Her unkindness & dislike of me informed my parenting: I parented my dear children they way I wanted to be parented & loved. Thankfully, I have a good relationship with my (now) adult children, who are good, kind people.

That is wild.

And those children were probably treated with compassion and respect growing up. Sorry Mom , you did none of those things

They want to be God in your life

Describes my husbands mother 100%, mine included for the most part.

Oh yeah! This 💯! Both mine and MIL.

When my sociopathic narc father croaked...We got out the party hats & confetti because we understood and ultimately had accepted who he was and we realized we'd be better off without the drama/abuse.

Funny...even as a child I wished my Mom was dead..not because I hated her, but I just felt she had to go... Today, I am the family scapegoat, far away from my family and my siblings, extended family included are stewing in their own toxic juices and they eye me once in awhile for not participating in the energy sucking rabbit hole...

Funny...even as a child I wished my Mom was dead..not because I hated her, but I just felt she had to go... Today, I am the family scapegoat, far away from my family and my siblings, extended family included are stewing in their own toxic juices and they eye me once in awhile for not participating in the energy sucking rabbit hole...

The three of us rejoiced when dna-dad passed in 05. The bonus surprise is that COVERT Malignant Sadistically CATHOLIC "MoMster" & Narc older sibling openly abuse me now.​@@malwads1836

Oh will it ever happen?

That’s a huge commitment. I hope your mother is a nice lady. Living without regrets also means you put your needs first to look after you. It includes setting boundaries. You are worthy of your own respect and love.

You will be glad you did this afterward because no matter WHAT she has done to you, you did the right thing-it’s freeing! Mine did about as much as one could ever do to hurt a child but I have no regrets for my role-hang in there-you will be free one day-I wish you well!

65

You were just poor supply.

So sorry you had such unkindbparents. Celebrate your freedom fromtheir derogatory attitudes.

congrats ❤

​@@freedomwarrior5087The same thing happened to me. I was discarded in an email. I was poor supply a few months leading up to it.

Until... They change their minds. Be careful! ☺️✌️❤️🦋🙏

That's a shame...in fact, marriage, no matter how 'good' is a power imbalance in the long run and the issues run across generations...

Break the cycle!

Ya that's a cycle which doesn't happen in the new world, ridiculous even a woman's virginity is theirs to sell!

can you name the cultures you are speaking of?

Agreed! My aunt already attempted to guilt me into it. Me living closer than my brother didn’t help. I served my time. ✌️

This is important to remember!

@JennyT101 You are correct! Inmates don't even have to earn those things - it is given to them because inmates are entitled to having them.

This!

@@syguzman5739woah. The fact this shocks me is sad.

This is such a great point to remember.

@tamara AMEN. This is such an important topic and so very rarely addressed. Which is truly remarkable because in this age, this time, there are more and more elderly people. For some Narcissist survivors, they have help of assisted living for their parents, or siblings who live nearby. And for some people they have only themselves to care for their parent(s). I was 50 when I learned about what the conditions name was, my parent was already living across the street from me for over 10 years. Now, I am 62, my parent in the mid 80’s. Caretaking is constant, my family’s true life has been minimized. Painful. So painful, yet there’s no reasonable way to alter living arrangements, (financially), and no loving way to change the way things are.

@@JessWicked Your last sentence sums up the situation for so many folks. Times have changed and people are living longer than before, but expectations have largely remained the same. It's just really tough, and i wonder what's going to happen to us when we get to that elder point if we've spent all of our energy and resources caring for our parents. And when they're narc on top of it, it's like an extra insult. i wish you peace with your situation.

💯

I think Mr Wise talks about topics that others missed, but are very important for us to learn and reflect on! Espec that Scapegoat stuff that’s so painful and only this Doc talks about! It helped me find closure with that and understand WHY I was targeted! This is a great channel!

@@Juke582 i so agree about Jerry and this channel, and i also agree with you about scapegoating. Being the scapegoat is no fun, i hope you've found some peace and healing from that.

This is good.

I like that acronym. Out of the FOG. ThanQ 😊

Oh my! That is good!!!! I am new to this and that discribes her tactics exactly! Thanks.

I love this

Congratulations! Finding your own strength after years of caged abuse is an incredible feeling!

may i ask wht u do for work?

I agree. I always thought it would be tainted anyway.😅

Exactly! The inheritance is not worth it! And imagine suffering for it, as they still leave it for someone else!

Good for you! I make my own money too. Never had a penny from them and have managed ust fine. I've got nothing to thank them for and they have no hold over me.

🎉

I had to & for the last 9 years it's been the most peace I've ever known. I had to get 1000 miles away. She's 85 & my life has never been so calm, I'm learning to not be a doormat & am still healing. I thank God for this channel

I absolutely agree. I have found delivery service for gifts is also helpful. Can't bitch about me when I have sent the nicest gift(on purpose). Haven't seen them in a few years not even sure how many and don't give a rat's ass.

It's the best decision I've made. Such a relief not to have to talk to those awful people.

Peace 💜☮️💜

❤ this is me. 2 parents who I’m just realizing are narcs. Thanks to Jerry and social media I’m unpacking this.

Same here. When my father died in 2016 I felt nothing but relief. Have been no-contact with mother for ten years. If you're wondering, no she didn't tell me my father had died. I suppose that was her way of lashing out at me for "abandoning" her. I found out on social media weeks after the funeral. Oh well.

😂😂gee whiz

That’s what I keep thinking. It disgusts me honestly

@@curiouslittlefrog me too and we have to remain strong and always remember that.

@@debwhite6228communities like this help me remember. It is so painful to not have real parents, sometimes I feel like I must be in the wrong. I am not. I just feel so much more than they do. And that’s okay! Empathy is beautiful

@@curiouslittlefrog It is extremely painful and empathy is something that they will never ever have. You cannot live a truly fulfilling life without it…….that’s their karma as they never will. So even though it’s terribly painful for us, I would still rather be us than them. Plus you have recognised it and crawled your way out of it despite all of it. You need to congratulate yourself that you’ve not turned into them. That’s an amazing accomplishment in itself honestly as you’ve broken the cycle ……. Many don’t as they do then turn into them and therefore repeat this abusive cycle ❤️

@@debwhite6228 thank you so much for saying this, it made my day easier and I actually got up and did what I needed to do! I had been stuck in the past all morning. Thank you so much!!

God bless you

I wish you strength and courage. Take care of you first, after all, they took care of themselves first all their lives, no?… then they should have planned their future nursing home, just like you planned a job, a house, a family - one your own.

I'm learning from my elderly parents how NOT to be what they are. They have made poor choices in life and expect others to compensate for it on the other end of their life because they refuse to own their poor choices. Can't happen, we are all only accountable to God for ourselves. Too bad they didn't get it for themselves, but we are not the fixers for them. Loving family also includes tough love and it must be applied when needed. Don't feel guilty to make decisions that protect yourself. No one should be allowed to cost you your health, all aspects of it. Sometimes, you have to take a breather and step away. It's ok. Doesn't mean we don't love or care, just means we are not allowing abuse to us. Prayers 🙏

@@yvonnemasters5078Yes, my husband and I say that we will not do this to our children. We even tell our teenage children that we will not do this to them as we age and if we do they are to remind us of our conversation. I want be the change to our family tree and stop the unhealthy generational behaviors.

Thank you everyone!

or for kicking your a@@, cursing you out, degrading you at every given opportunity, denying you a high school education, having just enough clothes to cover your body, walking to elementary school, with holes in your shoes IN THE WINTER, being told to turn a trick when you need the basic things in life, always half hungry, and so MUCH MORE. wHEN i GOT OUT OF THAT HOUSE OF HORRORS, I REALIZED THAT YOUR HELL CAN BE RIGHT HERE ON EARTH.

But what if they gave me more? I still live at home at 40. They could use this as "we cared for you for 40 years. Now you don't want to care for us when we're getting older?" It would be blackmail. I'm the family scapegoat and an empath and slighty autistic. What to do there, any tips?

@@shairaptor1865you absolutely need to move out. That is their plan, to keep you there longer than you should have stayed so they can use it for their benefit later. I stayed way too long living with my parents and I regret every minute. You need to become independent, you can do it even if they try to make you feel like you can’t.

They also get clothes and are provided with group activities and hobbies like gardening are provided and encouraged. Orphanages provide the basics- food, water, shelter, clothing transportation, activities. So a birth parent providing those and nothing more except bday and Christmas gift, while also actively getting in the way, is absolutely the bare legal minimum.

@@bernadettec2681 Thanks for your reply! I am emotionally and financially dependent from them. I want to move out, to have my first own apartment. But alone it's too difficult, they guilt trip me. And what if they blackmail me or make revenge? Like "If you move out now, then we will tell everybody "xyz" and give your computer data from your laptop to anybody" or whatever else? I'm really stuck here. Psychotherapy is a good idea, but even for that I'm shy, I have phone phobia, etc. But I'll make it. How did you move out if I may ask, how did you make it?

Well they can take care of them as far as that goes. Good luck

Exactly.

If those people like your parents so much, they can take care of them.

No stress until sources are gone. Like vampires

Because they are literally children living in adult bodies and they don't introspect. They just feed off of other people, things and their environment.

Even god doesn’t want them lol 😂 jk jk

​@@Yes0hyes1921fricken hilarious!

​@@Yes0hyes1921Haha you're genius 😂

Perfect example of taking care of yourself!

My therapist stated it was in my best interest to not care for them, but I was more than welcome to visit them as often or as long as I wished when they’re under someone else’s care.

@@sarahhamelinck6503 That makes sense. It makes a difference when you're able to leave as you need to. Two hours is my max rn, and I'm sure that will hold when my mother needs care. She has it in her head that she'll move in with me when that time comes, but I refuse to do that to myself.

@@beaucarbary5619 That's exactly my situation too. No matter how many times I tell my Mom I will not take care of her. She stays in denial and thinks I'll change my mind or some magical thing will happen. I had lunch with her today and that was so much easier than a full day with her. But she still managed to complain to the waitress as usual. ughh

@@TJ-id6ee Yeah I keep telling mine too, same thing. They think if they pester about it enough they'll get their way.

Appreciate it!

Exactly heal. Not have the same unhealthy attitudes

@@jerrywise Could you please do a video on when the elderly parents tries to guilt you back after no contact and the family monkeys are being recruited for backup? How do you hold strong? I keep telling myself "You'll only be feed in several different ways, don't do it" But damn, the guilt is still there.

@@gmoney6595 Thank you. I needed that. I keep telling myself keeping my peace but feeling a little guilt feels better than the price I would pay.

Done

That’s what I did!!! Opposite coast!

Everyone gets old one day!

Wow really messed up

It won’t help as we are a phone call away. 😢

Yes! My mother forgets her schemes n makes herself look like the liar tht she is!! I found my earrings and my sneakers in a closet I was like wtf? She literally stole from me and she can't even fit my sneakers. She's stolen so much then turned around and lied abt it, she is so pitiful! Like wtf are u doing with my things? N what else do you have? 😳 Creepy azz

I did it! And the only regret is not doing it sooner. They filled my life with so much poison, toxicity, backstabs, betrayals, negativity, sabotage

@deliquescencemusic not your whole life. You're still living.

I disowned my mom. One of the best decisions I've ever made.

You can do it. there are many of us who had to make that first step it is the scariest thing in the world at first but I promise you you have what it takes to live the rest of your life free of abuse.

Sorry that you went through it for so long

I was 52 before the dawning revelation. We just want a Mother so much, it’s denial of the fact we never had one.

I'm so sorry yall. ❤❤❤

You didn't know what you didn't know. Just think they're children of narcissistic parents that died still not knowing who they were dealing with and blaming themselves. I understand you wanting to have known this sooner. I felt the same way. But I feel like we all knew something wasn't right our assumptions just weren't validated until now. Knowledge is power. Now that you know protect your peace.

I never got to know any of my relatives because I hated them as I was taught. They are all dead now. My living nephews and nieces think I’m a monster in exactly the same way. I haven’t seen my nieces and nephews in 10 years. (thats how bad they think I am 😮)

We don't owe our parents anything. Respect is a two way street.

If you mean reciprocating how they treat us, then yes

Woooow - i Never even THOUGHT of it like that! THANK YOU. It's so so SO ...FACTUAL... Wish I could have learned this years ago... And NOW: i pray this knowledge becomes a BELIEF and a MORAL/value/etched into my entire being....

Brilliant.

Brilliant

That is so bloody sad 😢 I hope you find acceptance and peace in your healing journey xo

Money always the key.

Guess I’m lucky-my father has nothing to use that way😂

You do deserve anything with that attitude!

@@madisona3907 What ??!

Yes,just lie my mother.

I bet you were also insulted and humiliated as an ungrateful human while you were literally sacrificing your life for your mom

I spent years telling my mom I will never abandon her, and am now temporarily NC until she at least attempts to get some help. It’s crazy how long we can go before we figure it all out.

I’m going simply crazy right now with my 81 year old mother, who loves to put me down ect, I spent last night crying after a phone conversation with her. I’m 59 and still trying to figure it out and the guilt is eating me alive.

@@lorileewalters2018listen to more of these videos and get some therapist help…. You need the ❤

@@Jp18888 Yes, good loving advice! 💕

we owe these selfish blood sucking narcs NOTHING! When arguing with my elderly narc dad, I said I never chose to be born, and I owed him nothing for brinhing me into this miserable family. And I would never leave my job to take care of them, i would unalive myself before I would let that happen.

That's wild

My mom attempted the same from the victim help me place. I felt so guilty but ain’t no way in hell. Ain’t no way in hell.

My mother did the same and I realize too late, probably because I'm in the spectrum (authistic).

My wife has found many domestic help. MIL hides her jewelry and blames the help. Last summer my wife and I found all the hidden gems, my MIL said my wife and maid were plotting together to steal from her. As of today MIL is accusing the current help of stealing meat from the freezer.

​@@alessandrazaharoff2727hi 👋 love seeing neurospicy folks 😀

God bless u fren, i hope u be healed in Jesus Name, Amen❤❤

Boundaries make them furious and hell would freeze over before they ever take any accountability or apologize and mean it.

I just called my mom out on her abuse. She is 89 and I have been taking care of her for over 10 years. She lives in her home and I live 6 miles away. She has Alzheimers. I have searched far and wide (I have a medical background) to find treatments for her such as HBOT, MCT diet, vitamins, exercise, etc. I take her everywhere and spend about 16 hours with her on weekends. Recently I did 40 HBOT treatments for her which meant I was there 5 days a week or more and I work. Today after may arguments with her blaming me, I walked out. I was cooking her lunch and making 3 dishes for her to have during the week and she was in the hyperbaric chamber. She started banging on the chamber yelling for me and then telling me off for not getting her out within the 50 minute time period. I had my phone timer on which said 49 minutes but she does not understand after a year and a half of daily explanations, that you don't start the timer until the chamber reaches pressure which is only about 5 or 10 mins. I was running back and forth to the kitchen cooking, baking, and checking on her. When she yelled again like that, in spite of all the work I was doing (did same yesterday) I told her I am not taking the abuse anymore and that I will find her another person to take care of her. Then of course she became the victim saying she is scared in the chamber when I am not in the room. Well, she has been in the chamber for over a year and a half so it is nothing new. I know she has AD, I understand that when her MCT wears off she has hypoglycemia of the brain. To make a long story short, it is constant blaming me for anything that goes wrong in her life and making me responsible yet she won't take my advice to actually do anything about it. I have no life, am constantly worried about her but at this point it is clear she will never stop being the abuser she was all of my life.

They do self destruct. It is bewildering watching my parent being lied on, sabotaged, and abused but still finding it okay to abuse me the only person helping her. It defies logic!

i love your attitude: new phone who dis? good for you!

So many ‘narcs’ connected to you both ?

@@karyne826 yeah?

Two of my favorite quotes (I learned these late in life): 1) Givers need to learn to set boundaries because takers don't have any. and 2) The only people who will be upset with you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you not having any.

Exactly, it falls under Inheritance manip point

💯

Yep they blow money on “opportunities” and squeeze you to do stuff for free

My mother will buy outsiders gifts…but somehow she never has it when my birthday comes around

My husband and I have been disinherited and cut off from my MIL because we have set some healthy boundaries and questioned why her paid caregiver has moved her 8 time felon son into a trailer on my MIL's place. We had a PI do a comprehensive background investigation and it was far worse than we ever dreamed of. MIL refuses to believe it and has completely cut us off and left a smoking trail of reputational destruction with all of our relatives due to her slander campaign. So yes, using money to hurt and manipulate those who dare to question her judgment is all too common, sadly. I think for narcissists, having minions who are bought and paid for is more convenient than caring children who may not always agree with her impulsive, reckless decisions. Narcs love 'yes' people who bow and scrape.

👺nope!

My daughter was telling me the other day she was going to Starbucks. I told her pick me up a banana bread. She sent me a 😂. I'm in New Jersey, she's in Kansas. But she said she enjoyed the pumpkin spice bread. It's awesome having a good relationship with my kids I missed with my mother. Remember don't let them break you down anymore. The last time I saw my mom, my sister was in the hospital. We only talked about my sister. Only because I had a rental car and could take her home and get her set up from the hospital to home. My mother's car was in the shop I guess. I flew in from Jersey. They still live in the same town. My mother is one of the reasons I don't live in Kansas.

Oh I know how that goes! My elderly (and very controlling) mother is constantly asking me for last minute help. Never ever plans ahead, so I am constantly blindsided with her last minute text messages, needing something from me within the hour. Can't wait to move 50 miles away, my plan.

I wouldn't answer the phone.

@@fenderblue9485 😆 duh you weren't talking to me. This isn't even the comment I made 🤣 I'll delete that novel now 😳

Remember. They are choosing to be the way they are. They went through trauma. Experienced the same abuse they put you through and knowing first hand how it feels to go through that instead of stopping the cycle they chose to continue it. You didn't make that same choice. You chose to be better. They chose to be worse.

My Mother is a narcissist from an ideal childhood where she was loved by parents and many childless Aunts and Uncles as well as Grandparents. She was given anything she needed and experienced no trauma just normal life stuff. She was the center of their world in her family and she grew to expect all to worship and cater to her. So, not all comes from trauma. Perhaps you know the narcissism originated in trauma. This is different. My point is that we shouldn’t assume that trauma was the cause. In my opinion, even if trauma was the cause of a personality or behavior disorder as an adult it is our job to fix ourselves through therapy and growth rather than just inflict our damage on others. I have empathy for everyone’s pain but I will never give a free pass to anyone passing their pain on to others.

@@KaraBaker-ux3wr "I have empathy for everyone’s pain but I will never give a free pass to anyone passing their pain on to others." I agree

Yeah I think my mom is a covert one too. It came to a head as I was going into my mid and late 20s and my fiance and I werent letting her narcissistic boyfriend just abuse us quietly like she wanted. I have no idea why she wants abusive partners but we were not obligated to suffer through it. Especially not when it turned physical and she proved she had no qualms about him threatening to ☠️ us.

I hope you keep knowing your worth. At the same time I hope you get to say your piece, establish boundaries and have some sort of relationship somehow someway♥️

covert Narcissist is very common​@@forumkitty

Narcissistic discard once she realized her game was found out.

Ha ha. That sounds silly. I know my mom isn't perfect, but I am still cordial and respectful with her. I won't tell her all her imperfections in her face. That's for me to know. And she gets as far with me as I let her without me needing to cut her out of my life. I have come to accept her, the good and the bad. When she leaves this earth, I will have no regrets. I did my part regardless of her faults. I myself was no perfect child. No child is perfect, why would I expect my parents to be perfect.

Same experience here. Hard to reconcile hating your parents. When I see everyone else's family so loving and together. Just sad.

That's awful.

Wow. At least your mom doesn’t have the fake niceness while she destroys your life. At least it’s clear she’s a monster.

@@shasmeen It wasn't so clear (at least to me) until I was grown. I have indeed learned to be grateful for the clarity... but even then, it takes people like Jerry Wise and Jay Reid (also on KZfaq) for blowing some of the smoke out of the room.

@@fredhubbard7210 Nevertheless, it is a very hurtful experience and I am sorry you had to go through that.

That's gold 😂

Oh hell no!

My lovely dad when dying said ealk away love from your mum and brother they will use YOU I put my savings into your account 30 years later x stay safe a lovely man

Awe, he knew you weren't built like them and he loved you and wanted to make sure you knew your worth. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you miss him.

Same here. I understand how you feel.

Your in-laws don't need your wife's SSN to complete their will!!! Holy tapdancing St. Mary! They want to pry into your financial information. My sister's asked me for my SSN because they were "helping mom do her taxes." No, I didn't give them that information. They were not happy. I'm way past caring about what pleases them. Be careful - narcissistic parents will try to pry into your personal life. Don't let it happen.

@@OceanSwimmerya they for sure want to pry, but we know that and definitely have protections over our identity. It was just a lame attempt to get a phone call at their demand- which failed. Since it’s her biological parents they obviously have access to that information anyways 🤷🏻‍♂️. Appreciate the sentiment, cheers.

My mother is about to turn 70 and over the last year has just been awful. The positive thing is that this has woken me up to the reality of what's been going on for the last 45 years. She has told us that she will see to it that she will never live in "a home", but I do know that I will not be taking care of her. Agreed that these videos are very helpful!

My mom will turn 52 this year and I started seeing it once she got a narcissistic alcoholic boyfriend who abused her as well as me and my boyfriend. Once my grandma passed from cancer, it got a lot worse and it was like she no longer had anyone forcing her to pretend to care about me. I realize now my grandma is why I got any decent parenting out of my mom. There was a few years my grandma had to raise me in middle school while my mom was almost dying from graves disease and those are probably the least problematic I had in my life until I went no contact with my mom 15 months ago

My parents do the same thing with Bible verses, it's so hypocritical!

narcs are demons

68?! The shit never stops 🤦🏾‍♀️

You honoured them. You carried your cross. You dont have to listen to others' versions of what a Bible verse says ❤

I’m 40 years old and my mom did that to me before she died. Always saying honor your mother and your father. Making me feel guilty about everything. Especially the fact that I got married and have children. Always putting everything I ever did with my life down and using God and his beautiful word as a tool against me. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. You’re not alone. ❤ God bless you in your future ❤

Good for you.

Mine did too

Yep mines tried with my son yrs ago when he was younger, I think he was abt 7, baby I called her out n told her abt herself she went into victim mode n immediately ran outside n started crying, bytch u not finna manipulate my son n have him as a servant for you n put it on being a grandma. Nope I nipped tht in the bud. My son is now 15 n he sees her for what she is already without me saying anything. He stays far away from her. These ppl are truly sad

My kids mom used to do that to me..when I left,then she started on our then 13 year old son..he is 21 now and hasn't spoke or wanted to to her in 3 years and of course she says its my doing..no,luckily he opened his eyes..but she did a number on him..I just saw a email she sent me saying he only went w me bc I bought him a car..she thinks she knows everything..he bought himself his car and motorcycle and lives on his own w his gf..psycho people..and these are the ones to live to 98..and.the good people die young

@@killerkennyas OMG yessss!!!! I just told my narc mom this a few days ago.... The good ppl die young n ppl like her AZZ live for fukin ever 😡 And she also thinks she knows everything! You cannot tell her anything! Even when you're trying to give them advice for their own good, or even make points. Its so fukin irritating because you don't know everything ma'am! And I swear to gawd she's wrong abt 95% of the time. She's just like a fukin child I cannot wait until I can get back away from her

It’s part and parcel of ageing!!! It’s LIFE, better get used to it and adjust or adapt accordingly!!!

What if they are already bitter? They get more bitter?

@@larryl2398 It doesn’t get easier…

@@larryl2398 that’s been my experience

So true.

Why doesn't he move her in with him?

You were good to try, mine moved back to her home province after her middle husband retired, I could have used her back up here with my kids but that's someone else's life then with covid I couldn't visit, now here so many old folks homes closing but not hers as it's a gouvs, what blessings I've had!

let me guess your brother is the golden child, and you are the scapegoat.

@@miriam100ful Right on! I'm in my late 60's now and he still thinks I need to conform. Ha! I have defected from my family of origin. Our parents are long gone. My goal is to live out the remaining days of my life with a sense of clarity and peace! ❤️

omg!!!!! they both sound so toxic! sound like my family members!

My god! I'm in exactly the same situation. Mum moved into a home three months ago. I'm the only child aged 67. She is 96. She's starting to become very entitled again. Bossy and disparaging.

@@berenicehickey9755 Sorry to hear that. It seems to be a common story.

I’m so sorry. I have a similar story as well. Just know that all will reap what is sewn and the universe will always send blessings back to you. I am learning that now. I hope you’re doing ok now.

@@BlairWytch74, I too like sewing rather than sowing. I know it wasn't intentional, but anyway. Cheers.

@@seriouscat2231 yup! Thank you and cheers back!

🥕🥕🥕

they will use "inheritance" to cause havoc... if you think by doing their bidding you're getting it, you're wrong. They will continue to use it after their death to cause strife. Don't count on anything.

Absolutely

Absolutely

eff their money it's blood money cursed money

agreed...

Had the same experience.

Obviously a perk is that you'll have adult children that help you when you're old.But here's the thing....The adult kids that HAPPILY help care for their elderly parents were usually well loved & cared about by the PARENTS so it's just basic reciprocation.These screwballs however treat us like 💩 when we're defenseless children & then honestly expect us to help them like they were the most awesome parents on 🌎.They don't understand that it's a 2 way street, they just 💭 they can put in the minimum to get the maximum🤢.

Mine told me I've got the chance to grow into adulthood because they clothed, cleaned and fed me and it's an unpayable debt. I explained well then I'd have died if the basics weren't covered. The reply? "Exactly, see what we did for you." Um okay got it.

Years ago when I moved across the country and built a new life away from Narc Mom, I made it clear I was never coming back. Her response was "I don't know why I even bothered having children" . Wonder if I can get that printed on a Mothers Day card? 🤣

@@miuthub7954wow, Mother, thank you graciously for not letting me DIE! 😅

When my wife and I got married I tried to have a conversation with my parents about how they needed to financially prepare for old age and end of life. I had this conversation because with the birth of my child I was doing my will and estate plan and asked if they had prepared. I was dismissed, so and told my wife that if they aren't willing to do any work then neither would we. You see for both of my parents I am there most successful as well as the most abused child. I am not going to give them any time, effort, or money to take care of them.

Good for you.

Wow. Merry Christmas to them!

I think you will find the next verse is to the effect parents don't provoke your children ......generally conveniently forgotten It also assumes that they were parents to you not psychological torturers

Many of us who were adopted have an extra dose of gratitude and obligation demanded of us. Especially if we're female.

🤮

Good thing we've never been religious. (Sarcastic joke) She knows I give what I get and when she stopped pretending to be concerned when her boyfriend abused me and my fiance and progressed to physical abuse, we fled. I stopped caring what happened to her the day she stopped caring about me. Although I see now that's not really true as she never cared about me, and so I did until the day I realized she didn't care about me. Rose colored lenses are a bitch.

Honor your mother and father does not mean you have to put up with them. It is directed to children with good parents to be respectful of them and to listen to good, moral teachings. Parents who are abusive are not Christian, even though they are baptized as one. So they exempt themselves from God’s reward of children looking up to their parents and respecting them.

They love the constant attention and sympathy yet they have zero for others. They are soulless.

My parents turned my kids against me also. It's hard to comprehend

my mother turned my daughter against me. So I said that's okay you don't have to talk to me anymore 3 years later she inserted herself back in my life and is giving up my mother

@@drendabaerwolf7888 pleased that turned out ok

Of course singles get less respect for their time as if they should always be available.

I feel for you! I would say “I love you” to my 90 yr old mom & I meant it but she wouldn’t say it back but she would pour on the lovey dovey with my golden child sis on the phone. She would be looking straight at me making her narcissistic smirk. I’ve been no contact for a few years & sis is her caretaker. I wish that the 3 of us could have a nice loving relationship & share the caretaking but it is not to be.

@James-dk8bp I went no contact as well. It has been a little over 2 yrs now. I even moved out of state.

My mom said "I love you" only if/when she wanted something. As far as I'm concerned, those three words are the most abused words in the English language.

My mom kicked her bf out a few years back and relies on me to do her lawn/yard maintenance despite my own yard being enough of a time suck. I know what you mean.....both parents like to gift me stuff I don't want/need and then feel obligated for me to do stuff in return. Then my dad has the nerve to point out things on my own property that "should be done" and are not when he comes over.

Yeah, controlling you even in death. Lol.

Yeah, I was homeless the day after graduation. They know not to expect a glass of water from me after that.

And those types rarely "parent" before 18 too. To hell with them!

My mom had to care for me because of special needs. Basically lots of mental illnesses, and then physical ones as I got into my late teens and older. I was not diagnosed autistic until a month before I turned 18. Suddenly she stopped filling my medicine organizer, she was expecting me to do the shopping because she was 'too anxious', expecting me to do so much stuff she never did much of. Dishes went unwashed, laundry went unwashed.... It was a hoarding situation. When my fiance came into the picture he ended up doing them because he had the physical ability I didn't and wanted to help me out. He's also autistic and I was a lot of help on improving his psych health where he basically never got resources on it. If it wasn't for him, I never would have been free from my mom. He took the physical assault that triggered our fleeing the situation. His mom was pretty neglectful too but she passed about 6 months after we got together and my mom was all too willing to call him her second kid and all this.... Until we started fighting back against her boyfriends abuse. Then it was my fiance was a bad influence and this and that, even making me a middle man to communicate with my fiance because she couldn't talk to him without her BS being seen through. The narcissism explains so much of my childhood suffering.

You are very welcome

Same❤ God bless you

I hear you. I was groomed to be the obedient Italian servant child.

Same here. And the judgement from others who will never know what happened, is indeed a bitter pill.

Never tell your narc parent that you are not working.

@@stealthwarrior5768 I agree! When my car was still alive there were times I wasn't working but pretended to go to work. I would leave and be gone all day long to stay away. But.....after my car died there was no hiding it b/c I live with her.

@@cindy7733 I can relate.

Reparenting yourself in a healthy way is the ultimate self-care! Learn to ask your body what it needs, what brings you joy, makes you feel safe, happy, relaxed? What did you enjoy as a child? I have done so much healing on my inner child that I am able to truly love myself. This is such an important step as even once the parents are gone our inner self is still crying out for the care we never received. Plus when they are ageing and being more needy and everyone is judging you its even more important to put yourself first! No need to justify your time. If you're not working its still 100% of your time you get to choose what to do with!

Hi! I just read “Real Self-Care” by Pooh’s Lakshmin, PsyD. It covers setting boundaries, knowing your values, cutting out negative self talk, and more. Best read I can think of for self-care.

Unbelievable! They should have been the ones paying.