Narcissistic Transference & Countertransference | FRANK YEOMANS

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BorderlinerNotes

BorderlinerNotes

5 жыл бұрын

Frank Yeomans defines transference and countertransference and explains how they might be experienced when dealing with a narcissist, whether in a therapy environment or otherwise. And most importantly: how the experience can be used by a skillful therapist to empathize more deeply with a patient.
We talked with Frank Yeomans about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Frank Yeomans is an expert clinician who makes use of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy in his practice treating NPD and BPD. In fact, he co-wrote the manual on TFP for Borderline Personality Disorder!
Check out our interview of Otto Kernberg (who mentored Frank Yeomans) for lots more related material: • Dr. Otto Kernberg
For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on BPD and NPD is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes

Пікірлер: 240
@afakkobyab5982
@afakkobyab5982 2 жыл бұрын
a friend of mine from teens turned into ffull blown NPD and with all this information, I can clearly see how that "structure" ate him up. He vanished completely and replaced by false self, the structure, around age of 22 and I had to end my friendship around that time. They became black holes, nothing there, nobody there. Your friend is not there, or mom or dad, sibling, there is nothing there. This is the most painful experience to go through especially when you lack the information and education about cluster B personality disorders: you keep searching for someone that you won't ever going to find. Thanks to few channels like this and few books, learning about all this, makes pain go away.
@angelacasein7059
@angelacasein7059 Жыл бұрын
I know what you mean about nobody there it’s only until you start talking with caring compassionate ppl so you see how empty these ppl are it’s like talking to a wall emotionally
@boop5287
@boop5287 Жыл бұрын
“There’s no one there. Your friend is not there.” This is so well said. This is my exact source of suffering
@artluvr6170
@artluvr6170 3 ай бұрын
This is so absolutely true. Maybe not for all narcissists, but for two of them in life, they are empty, dark tombs.
@rosiemackenzie5976
@rosiemackenzie5976 3 ай бұрын
It takes a very long time to realise somebody is not there emotionally in any way, - painfully slow to come to that realisation. Difficult to comprehend, sometimes you don't comprehend it, you just have to except that it is.
@castaway123100
@castaway123100 5 жыл бұрын
This reminds me of how narcs will cry when you catch them in a betrayal or lie, they don't want to have to apologize, so they lash out, or, they cry in an attempt to elicit feelings of pity. That way it puts the victim in the role of playing 'comforter' when in reality, they are the ones in need of an apology and of comfort. This is what is meant by 'crocodile tears'. It's not that they are not crying real tears and really upset, but, it's all a manipulation to avoid facing the music.
@martharigby
@martharigby 2 жыл бұрын
heard this in a different vid about countertransference: manipulation is just a desperate attempt at getting one's needs met.
@nguyendang2029
@nguyendang2029 2 жыл бұрын
@@martharigby what video was that?
@martharigby
@martharigby 2 жыл бұрын
@@nguyendang2029 I’m quite sure it was in David Richos lecture on transference and countertransference. It’s split into three parts. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/h6qUasx73dSXZ2Q.html By the way, I don’t think this statement was meant to justify manipulation but rather understand where it can come from.
@nguyendang2029
@nguyendang2029 2 жыл бұрын
@@martharigby thank you for the link! Yes, I’m trying to understand the core of it.
@sanya3398
@sanya3398 2 жыл бұрын
They dont want to have to apologize. Yes ive been on the comforting side of that many times. I assume this is because of their overwhelming experience of guilt and shame. This confuses me, because you do need empathy to feel guilt, and ive read a lack of empathy ascribed to NPD. Maybe this is because they mainly feel shame, without the guilt, not bc they understand that what they did was wrong necessarily, but bc they are sensing an indication that they are a bad person. Its manipulation and i think it also isnt. They cannot respond to the needs of others, but have needs of their own, and probably genuinely feel a need to be comforted when feeling ashamed. Theyve just overlooked yours, i guess.
@SpinachSlut
@SpinachSlut 4 жыл бұрын
“Enslaved in an Isolation” - this really captures it for me, beautiful
@MsGroovalicious
@MsGroovalicious 4 жыл бұрын
They don't know that what they do makes people hate them. Although, this is so, it is also my spiritual mandate to love them. They are stuck in Oz as the "wizard", but don't realize that they're wearing the ruby slippers. So sad...
@VitalMusic217
@VitalMusic217 3 жыл бұрын
@@MsGroovalicious I realize. But I can't make myself want to fix it. I feel like willingly paving my way to hell.
@ghintz2156
@ghintz2156 3 жыл бұрын
I'm here after attempting for the millionth time to appeal to my father who again didn't see my feelings at all and blamed me for his isolation, despite helping him for years and leaving a year ago because I couldn't tolerate his delusions and self preservation at my own expense anymore.
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 3 жыл бұрын
@@MsGroovalicious You cannot fix them. No amount of love or therapy will ever be enough for them to heal or change. There is no cure. This is the hard truth. They will never change. Radical acceptance is the only path forward to your own healing.
@blackpope1185
@blackpope1185 3 жыл бұрын
i am narc, it has to do with the lack of my ability to express emotion alone and self reflect and make that connection with someone who cares. My motivation to keep myself happy and to show the world is greater than my need to express my emotions alone. I think i am not worthy of connection precisely because i am this pathetic mess that i am. it's that self pity that rebels me, or at least the picture of being "self pityful", is not the one i would like to see myself or i would like to being seen as from others as pathetic. I always "have to" be a certain way for people to like me, or else everyone is just going to leave me, and people leaving me is the worst part because it reminds me how my father abadoned me. So it becomes this toxic relationship with people that don't like me and i don't like them but i find reason to continue pushing it. In my eyes, stopping and self reflecting and understanding my emotions is stupid, because life is all about fast cars and girls and whatever else there is. We as humans have little to live and for me psychologists or profesors or other "respected" titles is just a bunch of bullshit. People who think emotions matter for me are pushovers, because thats what i do with my emotions, and thats the kind of relationship i have with my emotional self and that's what i expect from other people. This outlook has to do with my perspective that life is too short for "emotions" or "connection" or accomplishing some other "respectful" title like "doctor" to show to the world how good you are. For me that's a waste of time. Life for me is all about play, play makes me happy, it gives me a dopamine rush which makes me happy, and precisecly because i take life to the primal level, i don't take myself or others seriously, that's why it's easier for me to manipulate be apathatic and etc. I get frustrated when people don't play so that's why i have to dominate others so they can come back at me strong or make psychological jabs until they play. That in turn makes me very mad and sad, because i am one of the few that sees the world like that and it's lonely. It's like a child in world full of serious boring adults. SO many in those situations play the "Adult game" they play your game, where statuses like Doctor Proffesor etc matter, so that's why most "in my opinion" narc go for "cool" titles such as Manager or Boss etc. Some peolpe actually find a good use for that need to dominate and use that to become the "best player" at their job, (in my opinion) so people will look up to him and he will finally have someone to play with. Someone to relate with, a friend. It think it has to do with the lack of realisation that the best friend you will ever have that fully understands you, is you and if that is true, if you truly are the only one, then you're abusing yourself, you're running from yourself, you're manipulating you're self, and you're neglecting yourself. So it the most ironic statement you are too selfless to think that you have to always be a certain way for people, if there's anyone who is reading this wondering why i wrote this, the top comment "Finally, someone who's not bashing narcs while explaining what it is. Thank you!" i said, oh yeah? i can do better.
@hissyfitz7890
@hissyfitz7890 2 жыл бұрын
⭐️⭐️⭐️”First stage of narcissistic transference is that the other doesn’t exist.”⭐️⭐️⭐️
@julientyt
@julientyt 3 жыл бұрын
Finally, someone who's not bashing narcs while explaining what it is. Thank you!
@kenpachi_d_oden
@kenpachi_d_oden 2 жыл бұрын
@@JarodJoseph good thing you're not a medical professional then.
@JarodJoseph
@JarodJoseph 2 жыл бұрын
@@kenpachi_d_oden yeah, you’re right. I might inconvenience someone by holding a mirror up and forcing them to confront the messes they’ve made or people they’ve hurt. Might as well just keep it PC and generic and call everything “Mental Health ™️” and give them occasional sick days.
@tonylai6702
@tonylai6702 2 жыл бұрын
@@kenpachi_d_oden People like to judge from the high horse to feel superior, and when you confront them, they justify their behavior and shield their ego by shifting blames, in order to maintain their moral high ground. It's pathetic.
@mioumioutoolate
@mioumioutoolate 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah, remember the narc in question was in therapy 🙂 How many narcs do you know that are in therapy? I think that the ones who run around naked, uh, I mean, causing enormous damage to others simply because of their transference and projections precisely, deserve to be bashed, and that is the saying the least. They deserve to be roasted. Yeah, they’re traumatised. Lock em up with 10 therapists until they feel better.
@JarodJoseph
@JarodJoseph 2 жыл бұрын
@@tonylai6702 are you suggesting that I did that, Tony?
@sabelafidalgo3023
@sabelafidalgo3023 3 жыл бұрын
To understand this is a priority when dealing with bullies, it saves so much suffering to the victims.
@rypoelk997
@rypoelk997 3 жыл бұрын
Sort of like the homophobe who harasses the gay kid because they're actually secretly gay themselves.
@tatianainparis
@tatianainparis 2 жыл бұрын
@@rypoelk997 ? ?
@tatianainparis
@tatianainparis 2 жыл бұрын
???
@maocharlisme
@maocharlisme 2 жыл бұрын
Shiiiiiiiiiiiit! 😆 this is exactly how I've been bullied throughout my life, indeed!
@BBFCCO733
@BBFCCO733 2 жыл бұрын
I always felt nothing when speaking to some people. No connection. I thought it was me. It makes sense now. I wish I would be able to live in my self and not in the reality of other's.
@annjones9635
@annjones9635 2 жыл бұрын
Frank is a saint, I couldn't do his job.
@seymourtompkins
@seymourtompkins 2 жыл бұрын
Saint Frank (or a frank Saint). When looking like an expressionless analyst, he's the blank Saint Frank.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
@@seymourtompkins St. Blank Frank
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
It is Yeomans' work for sure
@slimshany4602
@slimshany4602 Жыл бұрын
☺🥰
@thewoundedhealer4950
@thewoundedhealer4950 3 ай бұрын
Just this one short video, it brings up so, so much, so many weird experiences of dealing with people that truly don’t see you, you don’t exist. You just don’t exist, you’re a cardboard cutout they talk at, they expect you to behave like that cardboard cutout they are talking at, cheer them on for doing that, etc. Surreal. Incomprehensible. Terrifying when you don’t know what, and yes, ‘what’ (not ‘whom’) you are dealing with.
@spartacuss9899
@spartacuss9899 3 жыл бұрын
Holy cow! First time ever heard someone explain this. I thought I was going crazy.
@LXSeaV
@LXSeaV Жыл бұрын
Just wow ... I've read and watched a lot of information on narcissism and this is really the best information I've seen on it. My mind is being blown by each of these videos with Yeoman.
@patriciosilvarodriguez
@patriciosilvarodriguez 3 ай бұрын
Yeah right? I strongly agree with that
@stuartcochrane8310
@stuartcochrane8310 3 жыл бұрын
Just out of a relationship with a narcissist. Fair to say life is so much better
@Huhwhat9237
@Huhwhat9237 6 ай бұрын
Go away
@fredfred4086
@fredfred4086 3 ай бұрын
Well done, you are very valuable.
@le_th_
@le_th_ 3 жыл бұрын
When someone calls you a monster or accuses you of being a monster, and you know you're nowhere close to a monster, RUN. If there is anything you need to gather up, gather it calmly, make idle chit-chat if you need to make it look natural, and then get the hell out and never look back. This is true for family, "friend", acquaintance, colleague, caregiver...whoever. Get out while you can, and before they project the really twisted stuff they're guilty of onto you in an attempt to shed their shame. What that person is telling you is that THEY are the monster.
@CodyCole80
@CodyCole80 2 жыл бұрын
😂 Not laughing at the message, but at the delivery. 🤣
@le_th_
@le_th_ 2 жыл бұрын
@@CodyCole80 lol No worries at all, we have to find something to laugh about when talking about these toxic individuals. Sheesh, if we didn't laugh about something, we'd walk around shell-shocked from how twisted some of them can be.
@compatony520
@compatony520 2 жыл бұрын
I like what you are saying, maybe it makes me feel good about my mental state. I feel like a lot of times it's not completely out fault and we are not monsters I've become aware of slight narcissism in myself but not to a monster level. I feel sometimes needy people blame us cause we won't be there emotional support and validation 24/7. For me it cost a lot to be validating someone and trying to raise their low self esteem but people always want you to do that and i won't then i end up the bad guy lol thanks for your comment, gave me a different perspective
@The_Rude_French_Canadian
@The_Rude_French_Canadian 2 жыл бұрын
Sure…I’ve been slowly realizing I was a covert narcissist lately, yet I’ve spent most of my life trying to NOT treat others badly…I was aware something was wrong with me but never could put a finger on it before going down the narcissism route on youtube…I’ve also realized a lot of comments are really mean spirited and come from a place of hurt…and there’s is often a lack of self awareness that it takes 2 to tango in any relationship and you can’t project your own experiences on others…
@le_th_
@le_th_ 2 жыл бұрын
@@CodyCole80 Yeah, I don't sugar coat things. lol
@maton100
@maton100 4 жыл бұрын
And there are so many varieties of countertransference experience. The key to managing it is to recognize when it's occurring.
@Xaxtarr_Neonraven
@Xaxtarr_Neonraven Жыл бұрын
It's wonderful that you were able to recognize the transference and the feeling of countertransference and dismiss the guilt-tripping in comparison to reality. But for those sensitive individuals unschooled in these types of reactions and interactions, these projections can have a traumatic, abusive effect Reality testing may be the only successful test, but perception and subconscious factors can sometimes complicate even this simple determinant.
@DF-fp4cg
@DF-fp4cg 2 жыл бұрын
Yes.brilliant. This feeling can last for days, months or evertime you're around them. When my narcissistic sibling went on holiday I finally felt like my free old self again. It was one of the biggest awakenings of my life.
@MilliVanilli2007
@MilliVanilli2007 5 жыл бұрын
That was the best example of how this works that I have heard- and I really needed to hear one. Now I get it.
@highway39
@highway39 5 жыл бұрын
Wow. This is some of the most informative 3 or so minutes. Thank you. Will share.
@KonjikiKonjiki
@KonjikiKonjiki Жыл бұрын
I am so glad these videos exist, I feel the lexicon we can draw on to describe PW NPD, people who exhibit narcissistic pathology, or live with cPTSD with narcissistic traits, this lexicon helps us understand while not making PW NPD feel mischaracterised. Transference and countertransference are slippery concepts to me, but hearing Dr. Yeoman's example really clarified and brought home the times in my life this could have been at play.
@hjonkhjonkgoose5043
@hjonkhjonkgoose5043 3 жыл бұрын
It's projection. Narcissists create a perfect illusory sense of self, but it's very fragile. Any part of themself that doesn't fit into that, they invoke in or project onto others in order to dissociate from that trait. I'm not a monster, you're a monster. Problem solved.
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
I have recently found this to be true. I was criticized for "not having any emotionl affect" when talking about personal situations in my life. I really questioned myself for a bit on that but found I was equal to the others in the group. It was only months later, from spending time with this person, that I could see that this was the case for their own world.
@olyooshka
@olyooshka 2 жыл бұрын
This does happen. Very true.
@nukethenarrative5873
@nukethenarrative5873 2 жыл бұрын
This is what a “safe space” is. A place where the Narcissist feels no risk of having their narrative about the world challenge.
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
UPDATE: This group of 'friends' I spoke about and did a podcast with several references to me personally - indirectly, of course, but with specific details so that others in that community could know who they were talking about. The funniest thing about this public shaming event is that in that two hours they contradict themselves over and over, sometimes in the same sentences. An example is one of them saying that they would NEVER run out and advertise it out on youtube, that they'd deal with it behind the doors...privately. {{ 😂😂😂 Ummm...you DO realize that THIS IS KZfaq, right?!! And that you are doing it here...publically...right?? }} It is steeping with things like that. So, yes - PROJECTION is a really good thing to remember when the judgments and criticism from others comes into play. "I'm not a monster, you're a monster. Problem solved." Thank you for this comment. It really did help me to get through this with a healthier perspective and to maintain that I am needing to stay aware of not falling into the same trap in defending myself.
@JulzLight
@JulzLight Жыл бұрын
Spot on
@aneily
@aneily 2 жыл бұрын
To be fair, without telling someone you're opening the window and when then they realize that you might not be listening to them while they are paying you... could be seen as rude. Not justifying the rage, but just giving yourself the pass *might not* be totally accurate. Dealing with neurotic sensitive people might entail extra sensitivity. The situation could have been avoided by announcing your intention to open the window. Which you would have done had it been an in-person session Only reason I'm saying this is because I also might feel slightly offended by you rummaging around your office while I'm paying you to listen, even if you're able to do both its not a great look.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Yes it can be an emotional minefield, and I would say the burden falls on the paid provider-professional to defuse situations moreso than on the patient to self-regulate from a place of vulnerability.
@aneily
@aneily Жыл бұрын
Yes it definitely requires extra social empathy in that type of situation. And brilliant psychologists with slightly pronounced asperger traits might step on a mine or two
@aneily
@aneily Жыл бұрын
As any of us might
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
@@aneily autism traits but yes surely; that explains the response as well
@accordionSWE
@accordionSWE Жыл бұрын
Not a good idea to always walk on egg shells around sensitive people.
@analozada9475
@analozada9475 3 жыл бұрын
If I were the therapist, and a client would have said that to me just cuz I opened a window, I wouldn’t have felt like I was a horrible monster…my thoughts would have been totally different. I guess because that wouldn’t be a trigger for me. Obviously Everyone’s triggers vary.
@maocharlisme
@maocharlisme 2 жыл бұрын
I would have been like "you're fucking absurd!" but that obviously wouldn't be a professional response either, lmfao! 😆😂
@analozada9475
@analozada9475 2 жыл бұрын
@@maocharlisme lol
@hissyfitz7890
@hissyfitz7890 2 жыл бұрын
The therapist’s role is to become ‘open’ to ‘contain’ the client’s emotions… Dr. Yeomans may have been a bit off from the sweltering heat as described; doubt under normal circumstances he would have absorbed the projection. We’re all human.
@sanya3398
@sanya3398 2 жыл бұрын
@@hissyfitz7890 Yea and when narcissists say things like this, and turn on you quickly, it can be very difficult for a lot of people to in normal conditions to not absorb that feeling.
@sohara....
@sohara.... Жыл бұрын
I think he would see it as part of his job to absorb the feelings abd use it for insight into the patient. If it was a sweltering day then it might have seemed like the obvious thing to do, to open a window. Generally, in a social situation, one person would mention to the other that they were going to open the window, and in situations of politeness, actually ask them if it's okay. In a power imbalance where the patient is trusting the therapist _in loco parentis_ (in the place of the parent), abd the therapist might want to show respect to the person who may be lying down while they're sitting at a height behind them (the psychoanalytical model) there might be an expectation or requirement to ask. *Is it okay if I open the window?* . Maybe he did ask. It doesn't sound like it from the example he gave. . Of course, she over-reacted. Any traumatised patient might feel startled and in pain as a result of sudden movements & noises. In her life those actions - not just a sudden grating noose behind her, but the failure to consider her as an adult worthy of politeness - might have been triggering. Yes, her reaction was over the top and yes, it gave insight into her state of mind. (Anyone who makes very personal, psychologically intrusive comments is someone ... one doesn't want to hang around with!) He may have felt guilt because he didn't ask and or didn't mention what he was doing ... and ge knew she was vulnerable psychologically and that she was in a physically vulnerable position. So: he could own to that, and help get trust him a bit. . That's my take on this.
@Sally150
@Sally150 3 ай бұрын
I watched your introduction. Thank you for making this available. I'm 68 and only learned, about 3 years ago, I have features of borderline. I'm glad you got the help you deserve at a relatively young age.
@Luke-Emmanuel
@Luke-Emmanuel 9 ай бұрын
alchemy through unity, a shoulder can carry huge weight, the person carrying cant always see what they are carrying, until someone carries for them and they experience relief and a sense of renewed strength and life
@dxk2007
@dxk2007 2 жыл бұрын
To say anyone who calls you a monster is a monster.... Actually this could be the argument of the narcissist. They *could* be a monster, or *you* might be a monster. It depends on what the person truly wants or values. If they are accusing you of being a monster, and you are using money to argue you are not, they are probably right. The big question is what is the accused person's argument against being a monster? A narcissist could self delude that they are the greatest givers ever, and how dare someone not like them. So I would have to know more.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Or it could be reactive abuse, to call someone a monster because theyre an abuser
@hughmungus6402
@hughmungus6402 6 ай бұрын
We also tend to project our empathy and assume a narcissist is suffering.
@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye
@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye 5 ай бұрын
It is important to ask first.
@hughmungus6402
@hughmungus6402 5 ай бұрын
@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye no, it’s not.
@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye
@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye 5 ай бұрын
@@hughmungus6402Yes, it,' s a matter of respect. Imposed empathy is not enpathy but investment.
@hughmungus6402
@hughmungus6402 5 ай бұрын
@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye no, I don’t respect or invest in narcissists, no.
@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye
@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye 5 ай бұрын
@@hughmungus6402 Me neither. I don't respect labels.
@fransinclair3356
@fransinclair3356 Жыл бұрын
That blocking can happen with any person with a lot of trauma. As they don’t trust u and won’t let u in so it isn’t just narcissistic people who do this. So a therapist could think they are dealing with a narcissist when they are not. Dissociation can cause feelings of isolation in a person.
@susanne05
@susanne05 3 жыл бұрын
great interview ,thank you
@edgreen8140
@edgreen8140 4 жыл бұрын
Very nice! Without Dr. Kernberg the world feels empty,in the difference between kernberg and kohut. So that was their projective identification.Thank you Melanie Kline!
@samanthabahadoor8696
@samanthabahadoor8696 4 жыл бұрын
First youtube vid I ever saw without any dislikes!
@quentinkumba6746
@quentinkumba6746 4 ай бұрын
Frank Yeoman is just an amazing person explainer of these things. Wonderful.
@thankyouuniverse3682
@thankyouuniverse3682 Жыл бұрын
Definitely guilty of this myself. Thanks for the insight!! ❤ love this channel and info.
@olyooshka
@olyooshka 2 жыл бұрын
Important to understand. Thank you.
@Mountlougallops
@Mountlougallops 3 жыл бұрын
Excellent analogy
@sanya3398
@sanya3398 2 жыл бұрын
If i was upset and crying from something in our relationship, usually that he did, i was a demon sent from hell to torture him. And he did look truly tortured, mostly by his own hatred and rage. Their accusations are convincing and their feelings can be so intense. Even if you know rationally you're not a monster, you know exactly how that death stare and disgust is meant to make you feel, because you do feel it, and it just can be so hard to not feel in dissonance about yourself in the face of that.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Yes not taking in that rage and hatred is difficult, hard to stay disengaged or downregulate the nerves as it happens
@andynixon2820
@andynixon2820 2 жыл бұрын
I've been watching this series of videos and they're fascinating. He's just described my mother .
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
That must be a shock. I went no contact with mine 7 months ago.
@andynixon2820
@andynixon2820 2 жыл бұрын
@@hi.moriarty it's a strange thing , my mum died 30 + years ago and to be honest it was a relief. My father's also a narcissist and waved him goodbye 10 + years ago - also a huge relief.
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
@@andynixon2820 💖 Andy, I do understand what you mean by saying it was a relief in both situations. It's my Mom's 80th birthday in a few days. I struggled for a month in my decision to finally send her a card. I don't want to have that sitting over me for the rest of my life inside my own head. She doesn't live in there anymore, so I did what she told me to do "put it to bed and start fresh." I sent the damned card. I'm not daft in thinking that it would mean anything To Her. 🙄 I did this for me. So that I can heal and let go. I read my journals from last year, confirmed that she's an outright cruel and cold-hearted, malicious ...person....and that she will play for whatever reasons that she thinks she has a chance at winning. 🤷‍♀ Ya. I'm good. This was for me in healing. 7 months ago I made sure to tell her every loving thing that I felt toward and about her. Authentically!! I thanked her for everything that I wanted to say in my appreciation for her being in my life. Then I left. She is turning 80 and will one day die. I won't go to be with her. You're right, Andy...It is kind of a strange thing, isn't it?? This feeling is odd, but feels natural. Finally. I don't regret the choices I've made. I won't miss her at all. I don't now, so I can't imagine that I will when she's dead.
@andynixon2820
@andynixon2820 2 жыл бұрын
@@hi.moriarty you sound like a very decent and kind person. Even though we're all grown up we still crave the love and respect of a parent but then grasp the reality as an adult that this was never going to be . It's a tough thing to realise that due to a personality flaw they will never really love you back and despite our efforts they'll never see a reason to change . We give love , they return spite . We could have turned out like them but we're much better than that , let's give our kindness and love to the people around us that will give it back in return. I'm not even sure if my 75 year old father is alive any more and to be honest it just doesn't matter .
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
@@andynixon2820 💖 My heart walks with yours, Andy. It is a sadness that I carry inside, sometimes, but not from the rejection anymore...for her not having the capability of actually experiencing (truly) what joy, love, appreciation or happiness is like. That the bulk of her emotional experiencs are in that place of spite, anger, and insecurity. That's sad for me. I'm glad for being my ME! Over the past two years of healing, I have gathered a wonderful core group of people who are my inner circle - all growth directed and vulnerable. It's beautiful! We grow within that place together. Each of us, independently, because we are accountable for our own stuff, and together, because we are responsible for our part in the relationships...the way it needs to BE in order to be healthy. IN that place, we teach each other courage, strength and humilty...and then that cascades forward into the lives of others. How can that NOT be a beautiful testimony for our purpose here on earth? I much rather live fully in this world with others, than exist ia broken one of pain. It's a choice, and I have decided tha this way is best for me. She has decided what is for her. Simply put, our lives just don't match. There is nothing to 'forgive' in that. It's a fact. Will I allow myself to be exposed to her abuse again. No. That would be insane. And unnecessary to any fulfillment in my life direction. I no longer need to have her approval and spending time with her in order to fill her needs of being critical and judgemental - hell, I can do that in front of the mirror on my own...I don't neeer help to do it. 😝
@crypticnomad
@crypticnomad 2 жыл бұрын
I've always called this projection. I started noticing it like probably 10 years ago and mostly in people who use the word "you" repeatedly. It almost seems obvious that, except when they really mean you, they're projecting themselves onto the other person and just talking to themselves. Does this always mean a person is a narcissist? My instinct says that there isn't a 100% correlation between projection and narssicism but I'm also not a mental health professional. Over the years I've taken steps to train myself not to do it and instead I use "we", "us", "our", or even "me", "I", etc if it is a personal story.
@zsn1gman
@zsn1gman 2 жыл бұрын
This guy is awesome!!
@danielj2653
@danielj2653 7 ай бұрын
I recenltly watched one of your videos in which Frank Yeomans badmouthed the lady who was a telemarketer and I had to smile as he was talking. It was definitely conceivable that this woman suffered under everyone she'd lived with and thought, for the first time in her life, she might be in a safe environment of a therapist where she can not be abused. I could well imagine that she wanted to be careful and not let her guard down immediately, and wanted to beat around the bush a little bit due to not trusting immediately and not feeling safe yet. Bang! The therapist slams her "IT'S TELEMARKETING YOU'RE DOING, THAT'S YOUR JOB, GET IT!". She must have felt great.
@shannongilmourpeersupport
@shannongilmourpeersupport 2 жыл бұрын
Observe do not absorb technique is helpful with helping people through their projected internal structure. Thank you for this insight.
@North-lp8eo
@North-lp8eo 15 күн бұрын
How do you stop yourself from absorbing? I absorb so easily even when I can see clearly what is occurring. I will notice the projection, my reality testing will be reasonably good, then after only a little while, I start to fall in line with the other person's projection even though I have strong evidence that the projection is false. This pattern is causing a lot of dysfunction in my life.
@Star-dj1kw
@Star-dj1kw 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent video 👍🏼👍🏼
@ameliarbaldwin1402
@ameliarbaldwin1402 3 жыл бұрын
Explains me so well.
@007lutherking
@007lutherking 3 жыл бұрын
Big lez?
@Claire90409
@Claire90409 Жыл бұрын
Is this projection? I knew my partner was talking about himself when he called me horrible things that I knew I wasn't. Precisely because they were so startlingly innaccurate descriptions of me. My heart breaks for him and any person who feels that about themselves. Trouble is, when you try to explain or help, they dig an even deeper hole to throw you in. They need to make you believe that you are the problem. By now excruciating and disabling for the partner.
@jellybellyfun3288
@jellybellyfun3288 2 жыл бұрын
What CAUSES a person to have that monster inside them that they have to do the countertransference???? I know many people who lash out that that and terrorize their family and friends -- and the lay people just say they have a bad temper. But, it's more than a bad temper.
@shirleyhunt8769
@shirleyhunt8769 2 жыл бұрын
It's evil
@slimshany4602
@slimshany4602 Жыл бұрын
My guess is severe trauma from narcissistic or antisocial inheritance
@whiteshadow59
@whiteshadow59 5 жыл бұрын
accepting the reality of the situation first
@user-dn5bi4si5w
@user-dn5bi4si5w 4 ай бұрын
Narcissists are indeed monsters. Great video, BTW.
@googlespyfranchise9089
@googlespyfranchise9089 5 ай бұрын
Oh wow, perfectly summed up the dynamic between me and my ex. The problem is that if you’re constantly alleviating their crappy feelings for them- they aren’t doing the healing themselves! Surely them learning to self regulate and self soothe is the only way for them to really heal. So sad that some people are so damaged. Be interesting to know how the therapist in this setting managed to help the client to heal themselves, rather than just alleviating the feelings for them. I imagine it’s a bit of a bumpy ride.
@dgno02
@dgno02 Жыл бұрын
OMG. I've been trying to figure some feelings out that I couldn't articulate. Now I think I understand.
@Networkprofessor
@Networkprofessor 3 ай бұрын
Chinese has a saying for transference. It goes if you are close to ink, you are bound to get stain.
@syazwanidayana5438
@syazwanidayana5438 3 жыл бұрын
I really thought I was a monster. 🥺
@titustitus8365
@titustitus8365 2 жыл бұрын
Got my mind blown with this video, better than shrooms.
@Kyocus
@Kyocus Жыл бұрын
Transference and Counter Transference, as a subject, is a more specific and detailed description of projection.
@naetek6430
@naetek6430 5 жыл бұрын
The last example is Projection Identification right ?
@jaderiley747
@jaderiley747 4 жыл бұрын
Yes
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 3 жыл бұрын
Yes!
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 3 жыл бұрын
Have you ever seen a Narcissist pose with a stone like face. They project a haughty and superior attitude of utter indifference that subtly communicates to all those around that they are impenetrable, impervious and unmovable to your needs or presence. They want to make you feel irrelevant and invisible. One of their favorite games is to invade your personal space or walk right through you and act as if you're not even there. Then they will turn to someone close to you and suddenly turn on the charm while giving you the cold shoulder.
@beadingbusily
@beadingbusily Жыл бұрын
If the patient was startled, that may have not been sadistic. In fact, actually being startled is completely unintentional. These are the instances when I think that a person is actually damned to get this diagnosis. You can't even be startled without being criticised for it.
@psychodynamicist2672
@psychodynamicist2672 4 жыл бұрын
When in the narcissistic transference you do get emotional inductions from the patient, but they are perceived as if they are your own. This is a consequence of the merger of analyst and client in the narcissistic state (the analytic third). The more narcissistic the patient, quite often the more disturbing are the inductions. They also tend to abate once the analyst is out of the presence of the client. There is no cathection (investment) of libido, but there are induced feeling states. THAT is the narcissistic transference: a boundary-less state between self and other. This is not to be confused with NPD, although someone with NPD might also have a narcissistic transference to the analyst and the analyst a narcissistic countertransference to them.
@mentalitydesignvideo
@mentalitydesignvideo Жыл бұрын
LOL Cannot imagine this mythology (juju cathecting the amulet, chief and shaman are one, juju flowing freely from master to initiate) is permitted to pose as a medical field. Quackery.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
@@mentalitydesignvideo ​ its not that complicated nor that far fetched: when two people interact they rub off on each other. I dont see that being put into terms (inducting or 'taking in' and cathecting or 'attaching') as quackery. I do have some affront with you conjuring a vaguely racist strawman to dismiss psychoanalysis.
@mentalitydesignvideo
@mentalitydesignvideo Жыл бұрын
@@js2010ish firstly, you should examine why normal anthropology (a science, unlike psychoanalysis) makes you see red. And secondly, I don't know what "rub off" etc supposed to mean if you're taking money to treat people in a supposedly medical setting. Invisible mesmeric fluids flow from the analysand to the analyst? Animal magnetism? Mana? Juju? What? Quackery based on the grandiose illusion of psychoanalist's reactions and perceptions being a golden standard against which those of the patient are supposed to be measured. Vulgar biologism and nihilism masquerading as science. And, in the case of Freud and his circle, outright lies, fleecing of patients, innumerable suicides etc etc etc. But don't let facts get in the way of your idolizing.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
@@mentalitydesignvideo See previous response.
@mentalitydesignvideo
@mentalitydesignvideo Жыл бұрын
@@js2010ish your previous response, the idiotic one?
@accordionSWE
@accordionSWE Ай бұрын
A person suffering from NPD can not integrate object relations into whole object relations. So a whole person is in a sense a nobody for a narcissist and even if you have known a person suffering from NPD for years it can occur moments when you feel that you are meeting them for the first time again. My brother in law (after a period of severe family turmoil) met my father that he had known for 30 years and told him that he had heard things about my father that I know my brother in law had known for me many years. The things he had heard were anecdotes about how rebellious my father had been 50 or 60 years ago. And he told about the anecdotes like they were defining for my fathers destiny, even if the facts was that they had talked almost every week for 30 years and shared many rites of passage in life. It was a weird experience.
@accordionSWE
@accordionSWE Ай бұрын
Forgot one key thing. He told the anecdotes in a way to also flatter my father, that my father was a tough guy, like they were back on a form of imaginary school yard. They do not mess with us right? It had an childish component.
@CuShorts
@CuShorts 4 жыл бұрын
Reminds me of the Pygmalion Effect.
@edouardmercure3203
@edouardmercure3203 3 ай бұрын
Psychoanalysis is fascinating...But so frustrating to study at the same time ( from a theoretical point of view ).
@morisnakus6108
@morisnakus6108 2 жыл бұрын
At what moment patient becomes impatient? What can determine it?
@pspcraft
@pspcraft 4 жыл бұрын
Interesting
@Armz69
@Armz69 Жыл бұрын
I find Narcissists' projection and roundabout passive aggressiveness to be super appalling. They always try to blameshift their 💩 instead of taking responsibility. The lack of self-awareness is so ridiculous, it's pure stupidity.
@SuperStevien
@SuperStevien 3 жыл бұрын
have you ever concidered a position of solipsism in transference? It might be read as narcisism, though it in theory isn't
@WinkLinkletter
@WinkLinkletter 2 жыл бұрын
I think that many burgeoning narcs initially hook on to the theoretical possibility of solipsism to justify experimentally pursuing further avenues of de-personalizing and objectivising others without of any pesky selfless, empathetic or ethical considerations for them. Sort of a training and laying of the groundwork for more elaborate constructs to come. Or something like this.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Solipsism as the philosophical position Only I Exist?
@SuperStevien
@SuperStevien Жыл бұрын
@@js2010ish what about this perspective, lots of people work through expression because they have absorbed narratives from third party. Careers often leave a stain in our being attitudes, scripts, and these are playing out, they are not our own per se. A person may not be a narcissist per se in their private dealings, though people often are too busy, and seem apathetic, it's part of a modern trait for people just trying to get along, but it looks narcissistic on the surface, so the solipsism is coming from these group think narratives which people become. there is no "personal being essense" to that and this is like solipsism in the context of "these characteristics I am unaware of only exist" (though a person may intend to be good or do the right thing, and have successful feedback, they will inevitably fail the amateur psychoanalysis which is common another one of these solipsistic narritives speaking for people... they seem to dominate a lot of conversation and expressed thinking, thus only they exist, though for me this is only a contextual or grammatic error.
@susanc-c7817
@susanc-c7817 3 ай бұрын
That is now knows as a Parnell process
@TickledFunnyBone
@TickledFunnyBone 3 ай бұрын
Evocation is real.
@sarahhajarbalqis
@sarahhajarbalqis Жыл бұрын
1:34 Two sources of countertransference. The part that come from inside of us. The part is provoked in us by the patient.
@margopadon6972
@margopadon6972 2 жыл бұрын
Often imagery helps me deal with such outbursts from the internal world of the narcissist in my proximity. You know, like when out of my mouth pops a gentle, neutral-to-kind sounding reality (those things they see as “an aggression”). And I imagine a little purple devil with horns pop out of his head to which he screams. This little devil comes between us and he and the devil engage in a shouting match, not I. It is not always possible to conjure this up, but I am working on it. It keeps me from directly taking the hit, which of course as you know, is stiflingly painful. It’s already a delusion that I AM the one causing the harm, as I am a sincere person with no wish to antagonize. (Another thing, strange how they are the only antagonist in the room, but of course according to them and their internal reality- surreality, as it truly is you are the antagonist.) I have noticed that they have a skewed view of when to be internal and when to take an external view. It’s like engagement in the inner and outer worlds according to usefulness is flipped. They go internally to lick their wounds when they should be outside, feeling and recovering the pain they cause others, then when they are truly injured and ought to be checking in with critical self reflection, they instead deflect the chance at that insight and lash out and operate outside themselves. They do what is exactly counterproductive.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Yes ive found it helpful to do a guided meditation where you reenact the scenario as if viewing it from behind a one-way mirror, seeing the situation from an objective remove (i said this, their response was this, i must have been feeling thus) and playing with possible different outcomes or venting suppressed responses
@kamayanisharma
@kamayanisharma 3 жыл бұрын
Wow.
@joefox9765
@joefox9765 3 ай бұрын
That's called The Shadow
@budogacha
@budogacha 2 жыл бұрын
Next time when client baring their souls,know that ,sudden grating noise causes interruption and a halt or death to meaningful convo thereon.Its a journey they take with you as a guide and to squeak a window in the midst in spite of heat without informing her of this is being indiscreet. Do reflect.I do appreciate a response on this please
@ting7867
@ting7867 3 жыл бұрын
The others doesnt exist, it sounds they have serious issue from early times.
@jennifermaxine2453
@jennifermaxine2453 3 жыл бұрын
Narcissists do not have a "self" "No one wants to "empathize" with a narcissist knowingly. there is no gain, only pain. They have no self, they are dead inside..wanting to be played while pretending to be a player. They are truly masochistic (like a child not adult.)
@CharlesBarret
@CharlesBarret 3 жыл бұрын
but they do have one; the problem explodes when you as a transmitter won't detach from the ensuing sadistic (or another variant?) countertransference before your own weakness kicks in. But I don't have a comment about they're masochistic behavior; haven't found my way around that part of Psi, yet!
@jennifermaxine2453
@jennifermaxine2453 3 жыл бұрын
@@CharlesBarret Well borderlines have a problem with detachment...self defeating. However are grounded in reality, so they can learn to manage the disorder. Statistically borderlines tend to grow out of their maladaptive behaviors with therapy. Whilst a narcissist repeats the same old cycles over & over with their refusal to self actualize. They are in complete self denial. It hurts too much for them to look inward. Whereas, borderlines are insightful & willing to change for themselves when surrounded by healthy individuals. That makes a difference in how they see themselves... when they're obtaining self knowledge instead of being focused on external objects & other ppl.
@rypoelk997
@rypoelk997 3 жыл бұрын
@@jennifermaxine2453 Very well said on the differences between the two disorders. I don't know how therapists are able to make a break through with those with NPD, it literally seems like miracle work.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
@@rypoelk997 similar approach as cptsd...provide a reliable structured space with necessary boundaries but free of countertransference, explore self harm or impulsive behavior or cognitive distortion, downregulate the cns and amygdala with warm but neutral listening, prove non judgmental and reliable and repair inevitable ruptures building trust and rapport, use this foundation to develop a coping skills toolkit for self-regulation
@lgamble
@lgamble 2 жыл бұрын
Wow
@honoryourself2098
@honoryourself2098 4 жыл бұрын
Can’t quite wrap my head around it.. is it an introjection?
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 3 жыл бұрын
He is not properly explaining the difference between transference and projective identification. With transference you see someone not as they are but as the embodiment of someone from your past (usually a parental figure). You transfer your feelings good or bad onto your therapist. It's much like a woman who has been raped and thinks all men are rapists. Or a man who's mother was a whore and thinks all women are gold diggers. Your therapist takes on the role of guide ,well-wisher and personal counselor. Patients will often look to the therapist as a parental figure. This usually happens naturally without conscious awareness. This is only helpful in the beginning to create a safe and trusted relationship with the client. Often times patients who are having difficulty with regressive tendencies want to go back to a feeling of safety and dependence that they did not get in childhood. In other circumstances they may want to punish anyone they perceive as an authority figure. They will transfer their old feelings of hatred, contempt and distrust onto the therapist. These people were severely abused, their trust and innocence was taken from them. They may have been injured or exploited in childhood. They carry a lot of pain, rage and sadness which they can mistakenly take out on others. In other circumstances a patients may want to cling to a parental figure because they were abandoned in childhood. This is transference. Patients must be accountable for their own healing relying only on guidance and advice from their therapist. Some patients want to be cared for like a child, completely abandoning their adult faculties, common sense and any personal responsibility. True healing can only happen in the context of relating since that is where the harm happened. The injury to trust, love, self esteem and a grounded view of life self and others can only be healed through meaningful and healthy relationships. That type of intimacy is not possible with a therapist. It would interfere with the process. We must form loving, healthy, safe and trusted relationships with others for real healing to happen. That is not something we can or should do with a therapist. Countertransference happens when a therapist or psychologist unconsciously becomes overly responsible for their patient's life, happiness and wellbeing. They can unwittingly becoming entangled and personally involved in their patient's life. Similar to an overprotective parent spoiling the child and doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. Role playing here: Projective identification is when I accuse you of being a thief or a liar when you haven't lied to me or stolen anything. I do this because I am projecting my own shadow tendencies onto you. A liar thinks everyone is always lying. A thief thinks everyone is out to steal from them. I do this is so I can avoid feeling ashamed or as a justification to attack you out of jealousy or personal frustration. My frustration may or may not have anything to do with you. I need to vilify you so I project and make you out to be a monster, a monster that must be expelled or punished. Transference is a form of projection that happens in therapy. Projective Identification is also a form of projection. It is a negative projection that happens often in relationships with a narcissist or borderline person.
@honoryourself2098
@honoryourself2098 3 жыл бұрын
I'm referring to introjection, not projective identification.
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 3 жыл бұрын
@@honoryourself2098 Introjection would be when you accept the projections of others as true, whether positive or negative. Most people will project a negative image on you for various reasons usually because of trauma or their own shadow (unacknowledged personal qualities) in an attempt to momentarily relieve themselves of the uncomfortable feelings they have about their own behavior or personality.
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 3 жыл бұрын
@@honoryourself2098 Projection and introjection go hand in hand. Narcissists will project on their children their own feelings of unworthiness. Children have poor internal boundaries and an immature view of themselves and life. They will tend to believe the horrible things the narcissist says about them. They take to heart the cruel things they are told by the disturbed parent (usually the mother). When a parent tells you that you're a horrible child and no one will ever love you. You tend to believe it. That is introjection.
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
@@michaeljensen4650 This was brilliant!!! Thank you! "Role playing here: Projective identification is when I accuse you of being a thief or a liar when you haven't lied to me or stolen anything. I do this because I am projecting my own shadow tendencies onto you. A liar thinks everyone is always lying. A thief thinks everyone is out to steal from them. I do this is so I can avoid feeling ashamed or as a justification to attack you out of jealousy or personal frustration. My frustration may or may not have anything to do with you. I need to vilify you so I project and make you out to be a monster, a monster that must be expelled or punished. "
@youcancallmeana
@youcancallmeana 2 жыл бұрын
Of course being called a monster for shutting the window is OTT, but I also have to wonder if, as such a thoughtful and compassionate therapist, if he knew this client had an aversion to loud, unexpected noise, perhaps even a PTSD reaction, and being in a sensory deprived situation, ie audio only, why he couldn't have taken some small part of the responsibility and realized he could have waited for pause, and informed this client that the office was hot, and he was going to open the window, which will squeak?
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Yes, his intense shame response indicates as much--on some level he was responsible and made a mistake (whether by the sharp noise or some larger unaddressed issue with the client)
@antiochiaadtaurum3786
@antiochiaadtaurum3786 3 жыл бұрын
I think I need to swap me stick shift for an Otto, ya feel me?
@sisselejstrup6809
@sisselejstrup6809 3 жыл бұрын
Isn't That Projection?
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
I would say that it is, just in psych talk.
@kell_checks_in
@kell_checks_in 2 жыл бұрын
Okay, back up the bus. Did this patient reveal beforehand hyperacusis, migraine or hyperexplexia? I ask because I have all three, and I do tell people about it in situations where I might have to encounter audio triggers. (Drop attacks on concrete can ruin your whole day, especially if you break something in the process. And, I know very well how one exposure to a shrill noise can send you into a migraine for a day and a half.) If she had brought this up beforehand, if all of this was on her chart, and then she was subjected through the phone, with a receiver held against her ear, to a loud shrill shriek, I don't blame her one bit for being pissed off. What's unacceptable here is a legitimate reaction being turned into a psychological flaw when it is none of the kind. I'm calling bullshit, doc. You're not telling the whole story. What's in this woman's chart? If you knew about hyperacusis, etc beforehand, then the least you could have done was apologize. And, you really need to stop telling the story, because it doesn't mean what you think it means. Ever consider that you're the one with a touch of sadism?
@hi.moriarty
@hi.moriarty 2 жыл бұрын
Ouch.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
I have to concur I get that same feeling from some of these Yeomans talks : an urge or eagerness to demonize a patient over a slight incident years in the past, in the guise of a) educating practitioners b) absolving himself, as a level-headed professional. Did the patient overreact? Perhaps. I know I've been muddled in the emotions of therapy or tangled in the transference stuff...and felt gutted by a somewhat innocent gesture once or twice (offering tissues after few sessions declining them; opening with a generic 'how are you' after requesting alternate starts). He also quotes the patient saying "You know I have a startle response and PTSD," so maybe forgetfulness on his part or a dismissive attitude about sensory sensitivity. Whatever happened it points to a unaddressed disconnect between client and provider. It seems like a "I'm sorry for the noise. I did not mean it maliciously" is the fix, not brooding over it years later? That aside, its a useful 'textbook illustration' of the concept 🤷🏻‍♀️
@selfelements8037
@selfelements8037 2 жыл бұрын
1:05
@stebarg
@stebarg 2 жыл бұрын
I called my wife a monster in a KZfaq video, because she almost know me the other day. After that, I almost got beheaded by her brother. He forced me to delete the video.
@simonclarke3346
@simonclarke3346 2 жыл бұрын
I love how is example highlights his own narcissistic nature. " she made me feel like a monster" it's not my fault, she needs to be more accommodating. That's the problem with all therapists, they are all narcissistic in nature. They will never truly understand a patient as they believe themselves to be in a permanent state of being correct in their assumptions. Any patient that takes issue with that are deluded to them. I'm right, patient wrong attitude no matter which treatment room you sph upon.
@hissyfitz7890
@hissyfitz7890 2 жыл бұрын
Reality testing please; opening a window on a sweltering day in the city does NOT make one a monster! He was NOT projecting his narcissistic traits in countertransference; suspect in his sweaty, uncomfortable, probably dehydrated state that such a venomous response caught him off guard. He took the time needed to reflect. ALTERNATIVELY, I have seen countertransference projection up close & personal. It’s simply not the case in this example.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
@@hissyfitz7890 If his reaction was that strong it feels like there's more to the picture. If a client hung up on me like that I would know in my heart on the spot that a) I had not intentionally provoked them with this minor incident and b) their sensitivity being a trigger is a valid if situationally inappropriate response. I may be miffed at the change in schedule or the need to repair the dynamic but internalizing it as deep shame is total countertransference.
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
Yes the role of objective professional can be a guise for controlling stubborn people (often the white middle or upper class men who benefit most from the field)
@zeinmohamedali1976
@zeinmohamedali1976 Жыл бұрын
Transferred to you the victim you are bad you are ungrateful. My sister's husband stressed her out and when she got I'll told the whole world it was living with me that did that. We had a fall out because she keeps refusing to see what a cheap crafty thing he is. Turned her against me and isolated me. Now she is I'll but cannot go near her because he won't allow it and she has no use for me. To be accused of making someone I'll when you have got physical and mental issues after years of narcissistic abuse
@oceanhayes1649
@oceanhayes1649 2 жыл бұрын
Oh Jesus Christ....maybe I have become a petulant borderline like my mother....
@ameliarbaldwin1402
@ameliarbaldwin1402 3 жыл бұрын
☹️
@obiwan9236
@obiwan9236 4 жыл бұрын
Same story different narc!
@chefjeffe7513
@chefjeffe7513 4 жыл бұрын
obi wan 😘😘🤣
@MarkCox73
@MarkCox73 8 ай бұрын
I'm still smarter than Doc and more modest
@joecaner
@joecaner Жыл бұрын
Yikes! That outburst sounds like something that could have come out of my ex-wife's mouth.
@Hummingbirdlostinthemorning
@Hummingbirdlostinthemorning 2 жыл бұрын
Give em some mushrooms
@alanaadams7440
@alanaadams7440 2 жыл бұрын
They have zero insight to their behavior
@dennisryan6370
@dennisryan6370 Жыл бұрын
What you don't realize happened.... Is the Holy Ghost knew FULL WELL what was coming and He had YOU open the window to immediately let it OUT! Now, say Thank You, Frank!
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
😅 it was a phone session and premonition or intuition doesnt require spiritual supernatural explanation but yea
@SavedbyGrace19
@SavedbyGrace19 2 жыл бұрын
It's because its spiritual..you have to understand spiritual things..and it ain't pretty...these are evil spirits. In the host..they need deliverance
@ting7867
@ting7867 3 жыл бұрын
She found a way to interact, a weird way
@ellenvanderveen6576
@ellenvanderveen6576 Жыл бұрын
💕 I can handle clowns 🤡😘
@marysmith801
@marysmith801 3 жыл бұрын
What does it say about me that I think her yellow tank top is inappropriate for this discussion?
@WinkLinkletter
@WinkLinkletter 2 жыл бұрын
I assumed first off that she was a patient, someone who didn't give a flip what she was supposed to wear to a professional shoot, or moreover, cared to deviate. What, does she need to get back to her hot yoga? Ha!
@js2010ish
@js2010ish Жыл бұрын
I think the 'point' is she is a non professional interviewing professionals and wants that to be evident
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