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"I can't breathe because he only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." Oh my god my heart

"He only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." This still kills me. Everytime.

I think that's the most painful part about having mental health issues, the people you thought understood eventually leave because they can no longer take it.

It's scary to know that the reasons people fall in love with you, can be the same reasons they fall out of love with you.

Just imagine how many times he's had to re-write this poem before he was happy enough to stand up to say it.

"How can it be a mistake if I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her?!"

"She said love was a mistake, but how can it be a mistake when i dont need to wash my hands after i touched her?" Beautiful poem

The first time i heard this poem was years ago, but once in a while i remember and come back. It always hits the same. It is sl beautiful.

My mom didn't sign my permission slip for this feels trip

" I want her so bad I leave the door unlocked " Had me murdered ..

“I leave the door unlocked” is one of the most surprisingly crushing sentences i’ve ever heard. this was incredible.

"I can't breathe because he only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." "How can it be a mistake when I don't have to wash my hands after her?" My heart... I feel you, my friend. I feel you.

"I want her back so much, I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on." .......wow....... that hits waaaaayyyyyyy too hard.....

"I cant breathe because he only kisses her once, he doesnt care if its perfect" Just... wow

As a man, a doctor, poetry enthusiast, OCD patient, this moved me to tears an still does to this day.

I got diagnosed with OCD 18 years ago as a teenage. Spent my whole life fighting OCD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my son recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

The first time I saw her... Everything in my head went quiet. All the tics, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared. When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don't really get quiet moments. Even in bed, I'm thinking: Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips. Or the eyelash on her cheek- the eyelash on her cheek- the eyelash on her cheek. I knew I had to talk to her. I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her... But she loved it. She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday. She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk. When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. I'd always watch her mouth when she talked- when she talked- when she talked- when she talked when she talked; when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges. At night, she'd lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off. She'd close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her. Some mornings I'd start kissing her goodbye but she'd just leave cause I was just making her late for work... When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking... When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line. She told me that I was taking up too much of her time. Last week she started sleeping at her mother's place. She told me that she shouldn't have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but... How can it be a mistake that I don't have to wash my hands after I touched her? Love is not a mistake, and it's killing me that she can run away from this and I just can't. I can't - I can't go out and find someone new because I always think of her. Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin. I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars... And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel. How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe. How she blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out… Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. I can't breathe because he only kisses her once - he doesn't care if it's perfect! I want her back so bad... I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on.

"I want her back so much, I leave the door unlocked." Hear that? That's the sound of my heart being fucking destroyed.

"I leave the door unlocked... I leave the lights on" To this day, this line still gives me chills

So many beautiful lines but "how she turns shower knobbs like she's opening a safe" is by far my favourite. Such a small detail that someone else wouldn't have paid attention to. It just shows how much he cared about her 😭

"She was the most beautiful thing I ever got stuck on" this is both beautiful and tragic.

"He doesn't care if it's perfect." im not crying, you're crying

"I want her back so bad I leave the door unlocked" Wow, that spoke to me better than words can describe.

Why do I still cry after seeing this for the nth time? This is a beautiful masterpiece.

I had a girlfriend and she had severe OCD. I was one of the very few people she could hug or touch without being uncomfortable. We broke up a while ago and the other day I was walking by her and accidentally brushed by her and she instantly started rubbing the area of her arm that I had touched. It was in that moment that I realized she didn't love me anymore, so that one line at 1:48 completely broke me down.

'I leave the door unlocked'. Man the feels.

Look, I’ve listened to poetry a lot over the years. A LOT. And I keep coming back to this poem, because I believe it is the closest I’ve ever seen a poem come to absolutely perfect. The delivery is unique and fantastic. The topic is incredibly interesting. The flow is so easy. It doesn’t use gimmicks like preaching on social agendas or resorting to extremely controversial messages to draw you in. You’re excited about the skill of the poet and the way he presents things. It’s just a fantastic poem and I hope that they still have this one logged somewhere 100 years from now.

I found this years ago. Met someone and fell for them and watched it together now i am again watching it alone with happy tears in my eyes. ugh life.

”He doesnt care if its perfect” Is someone cutting onions? :’(

This is probably one of the most romantic yet saddest poems I've ever heard. I absolutely love it.

always been a fave

"I leave the door unlocked" *Heart breaks*

Poetry is like a tsunami. It hits hard and never leaves you the same. It destroys and creates at the same time. It drowns you, but you enjoy seeing it come.

God this is one of the greatest pieces of poetry I have ever seen

I cried the first time I listened to this...and every other time after that

I still don't understand how people can think OCD is "cute". It's stressful, exhausting and you hate yourself for being that way. It's not a thing to be made fun of. And I love this poem because it addresses all of that so accurately.

"He doesn't care if they're perfect." Damn. This one hit me hard.

Almost 10 years since this came out. Every time I come back, the very ending just brings me to tears. The fact that he breaks his OCD to keep the door unlocked & the lights on for the woman he loves. That’s how powerful love can be ❤. Nearly a decade later and this still touches my soul.

I’ve been coming back to this poem for 6-7 years now and every time I listen to it it just takes my breath away.

Those final two lines. Died.

'She closed her eyes, and imagined that the days and nights were just passing in front of her' This is my FAVOURITE line

Years later, still makes me cry.

I watched this video years ago. It was when I was much younger, when my obsessions hadn't snowballed into the abomination they've become, when I still didn't have a name for what was already starting to destroy my life, when the symptoms he described were alien, and most of all when I hadn't yet lost a relationship with someone I loved because of OCD. (I would learn later that the last item on that list wasn't even true, but in that case it still wasn't my own OCD) I watch this video now, and it has such a different context; the beauty is eclipsed by a personal bitterness that's similarly impressive for him to have evoked. I fell in love with a girl, flew across the country to live with her, and I got worse. I got much worse, though by the time I was there I'd already been getting worse for quite a long while, but regardless I got worse. She made me feel safe, and she made it all easier to deal with, but it still only ever got worse. When I had nothing to say in a moment, I had to tell her I loved her, I had to tell her she was beautiful, I had to tell her that she was the sweetest human being I ever met. I had to. She appreciated that. But when I broke down and was slamming on the floor with my vocabulary reduced to a single word that'd become my response to everything she'd say, that killed her inside to watch. I could see that killed her; I could read it so clearly on her face, and it made me spiral further. I left her. I left her because she couldn't bring herself to leave me, and because I was never going to get better where I was. She loved me, and she still loves me. I loved her, and I still love her. Not a single day goes by where I don't regret that decision, but I regret daily just about everything I've ever done; that's simply how my brain operates. The pain of losing that anchor, that escape, that perfect person who my brain couldn't convince me didn't want me around... Of course I'll regret that every day. I regretted most the moment when my brain could finally convince me that she wouldn't want to talk to me, and that she didn't care for me. So I talk to her even when my brain tells me she doesn't want to listen, and I cry about her to people I'd never feel safe crying to before. I'm not comfortable calling those victories. That's what watching this means to me today.

"now I just think about who else is kissing her. I can't breathe because he only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." How a disorder can bring out a hidden truth about most people.

"How can it be a mistake when I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her." This line always brings me to tears.

"I can't breath because he only kisses her once, he doesn't care if it's perfect!" This was the last push before his words broke my heart.♡

This is still my most favorite poem in the entire world. 8 yrs later and I still cry

"How can it be wrong when I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her?" I've suffered from severe OCD for 24 years, moderate 3, and finally mild for 3... and that quote nearly made me break down. Lived that quote. Painful to remember. I am so thankful I've worked hard and come so far. Still, I can feel that pain of suffering. Imprisoned by the stupid rules that only exist in your own mind. I honestly wonder how many of my friends and loved ones now would still like me if I was the man I was 6 years ago.

"She was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on." "I want her back so bad. I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on."

I will never not cry listening to this. I’ve been struggling with OCD for what feels like forever and more recently with relationship centered themes. It’s still an ongoing battle of emotions in every sense and defying everything I know to be true. It is the scariest thing I have ever gone through and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. However this poem manages to fill the melancholy with a sense of hope. The hope that I can resist my compulsions and find the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you!

The most beautiful and vulnerable poem I've ever heard. X

"I can't breathe because he only kisses her once, he doesn't care if its perfect" a line so beautifully written

"He only kisses her once, he doesn't care if it's perfect" FUCKKKKKK that hit me

I wonder if all those tics, repetitions, were planned or not. Anyway, this was really beautiful. I'm starting on slam poetry and it just hits me so hard everytime I hear something... Happy to get any recommendations.

Revisiting this today after a while (and I did see that there's a 2020 version)... THIS is the original cathartic study of a beautiful heartfelt written piece and it shall forever be....

"she can run away from this and I just cant"

"...I want her back so bad, I leave the door unlocked, I leave the lights on" A lot was said in this piece but that says it all

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I suffer from OCD since I was a child and I can tell you, people, that is one of the most terryfing and destructive things that one can face. Exactly as this amazing guy says, the voices never end, they're always telling you you're the worst person in the world and they can make you believe in things that aren't real about yourself and what surrounds you. I'll never be thankful enough to this guy for talking about such a terrible illness, of which most people don't even know about. I feel for a moment as if I had an ally that could understand me in this daily struggle that I have with my own mind. We have to be aware of how dreadful these sicknesses so we can support each other; that way we'll be able to create a better world, one in wich we can deal with our inner issues together. Peace and love to all of you.

"i leave the door unlocked, i leave the lights on" every time im crying like a little girl. so powerful

Honestly, this is the first piece of slam poetry that actually moved me

My wife laughed during this... I think she has no heart. I was nearly in tears.

I recommend everyone read this poem too. It's not that the written v recited is better, they are both incredible. It's just that if you enjoy the hit of this - the written one hits just as hard but differently. Read it. Then watch this. Then read it. Then watch this. Read it. Then watch this.

I don't have OCD but seriously i am crying like a baby, Because love is love no matter what and everyone deserve love.

for people who might not understand why the last line "I leave the door unlocked" is so fucking heartbreaking, for someone with OCD this is comparable to someone who's terrified of heights dangling their feet off the edge of a cliff, to someone who's claustrophobic locking themselves in a small safe. Like...........wow this line gutted me

This poem is still so powerful and Neil's delivery is unmatched. 🥺💙

9gag brought me here, I'm glad it did... So beautiful

This a a transcript of the poem entitled, "OCD" by Neil Hillborn. This is a public service, and I do not claim any connection to this poem, the poet, or this youtube channel. *I apologize that the format of this transcript makes this comment a little long, but it's the writing format that I use for my own spoken word poetry on my KZfaq channel. Enjoy! 💓💙 -The first time I saw her -Everything in my head went quiet. -All the ticks, -All the constantly refreshing images just disappeared. -When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, -You don’t really get quiet moments. -Even in bed, I’m thinking: -Did I lock the doors? Yes. -Did I wash my hands? Yes. -Did I lock the doors? Yes. -Did I wash my hands? Yes. -But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips, -Or the eyelash on her cheek, -The eyelash on her cheek, -The eyelash on her cheek. -I knew I had to talk to her. -I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. -She said yes after the third one, -But none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. -On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating, -Or fucking talking to her. -But she loved it. -She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday. -She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk! -When we moved in together, -She said she felt safe, -Like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. -I’d always watch her mouth when she talked, -When she talked, -When she talked, -When she talked. -When she said she loved me, -Her mouth would curl up at the edges. -At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off. -She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were just passing in front of her. -But some mornings, -I started kissing her goodbye but then she’d just leave because I was making her late for work. -When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking. -When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line. -She told me I was taking up too much of her time. -Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place. -She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her. -That this whole thing was a mistake, but... -How can it be a mistake when I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her? -Love is not a mistake, -And it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t. -I can’t go out and find someone new, -Because I always think of her. -Usually, when I obsess over things, -I see germs sneaking into my skin. -I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars. -And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. -I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel. -How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe. -How she blows out candles, -Blows out candles, -Blows out candles, -Blows out candles, -Blows out... -Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. -I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once, -He doesn’t care if it’s perfect! -I want her back so bad, -I leave the door unlocked, -I leave the lights on.

The first time I watched this I was 16 for the last 5 years I’ve come back to this poem every couple of months, it’s a beautiful poem

I just keep coming back to this wonderful, wonderful poem. As someone with OCD, this is one of the most accurate representations I have ever experienced. Thank you.

This is beautiful. No one really understands the minds of an OCD person, no one gets the 'ticks' mean something. this is beautiful.

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until the end when I gasped for air. So intensely beautiful.

I keep coming back to this and I cry every time. I wish someone loved me like that.

I watched this in high school 6 years ago as part of a lesson in my English class and I still get goosebumps every time I watch this without fail

"I leave the door unlocked, i leave the lights on"

This gives me chills everytime I hear it.

"I can't go out and find someone new because I always think of her" - 🌌

been dealing with OCD for 7+ years. went through a major breakup this year. this poem has always, always hit. thank you neil.

Can we have some appreciation for this line? "When we moved in together she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. **takes a moment to do a slight facepalm**"

"I leave the door unlocked" Try to not to cry "I leave the lights on" Cry a lot

"I leave the door unlocked, I leave the lights on ".. 💔

Came back to this after watching The Good Lawyer's backdoor pilot on The Good Doctor.

People commenting hate for the girl in the situation don't know anything about the rest of their relationship. Ending a relationship doesn't make you a villain, even if the other person is hurt. If you're not happy you're not supposed to fake it just to save someone's feelings

The end of this gave me chills, and I've watched it about a billion times

I get goosebumps every time I listen to this poem. Every. Time. Sometimes, I cry as well.

Just came here for psychology, left with a face full of tears..... How beautiful!!

every time I come back to this video I am reminding of 2 things: 1. that 9gag and its users actually exist and there are a lot of them for some reason. 2. fuck people who say bullshit like "I'm a little OCD lol"

I flooded my room thanks to this poem. Not even a ShamWow will suffice.

Damn I’ve watched this video many times over the year and I still cry at the end🤦🏼‍♀️

Ever so often I just revisit this and Oh My Goodness I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to it I know it word for word but there something about hearing this poem it’s like I’m hearing it for the first time full body shivers! Wow

This is kinda heart breaking but I suppose it wouldnt be poetry if it didnt play with your emotions.

every woman deserves a guy to love them as much as he loved her.

I dont know how many times I've came back to this..

“I leave the door unlocked, I leave the lights on.” I cry every time I watch this. 💔

Oh man.... My feels...

So many of these things are delivered with fake studied emotion; cheapening the work rather than burnishing it with intensity. This dude wrote something honest and delivered it in a way which gave us a deeper insight into not only how he felt in that moment but also how he lives each day. Kudos.

Having OCD and hearing that poem, it’s heartbreaking. Understanding every word. 😢

I only realized I was holding my breath at the end of the poem. Damn.

It seems like she thought it was a cute quirk instead of realizing that it was an actual problem that he suffers with day in and day out. That's not his fault, it's hers.

Who the FUCK is cutting onions in my bedroom...??!