Never Good Enough? Why Hijackals Put You Down & How to Pull Yourself Up

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Never Good Enough? Why Hijackals Put You Down & How to Pull Yourself Up

Рет қаралды 4,622

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler - Help for Toxic Relationships

Күн бұрын

Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic people, have both a need and a want to make you always feel not good enough. Understand why and learn to respond in empowering ways, and that's a very good start!
Here's a video about Gaslighting - one of the many ways #narcissists use to control and manipulate... • 10 Mind Games Narcissi...
And insights about how they make you second-guess yourself:
• How Narcissists Intent...
Here is another Save your Sanity podcast episode on this topic, too:
When mom is always finding fault: bit.ly/3huBIdd
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
CONNECT WITH ME:
Website: www.ForRelatio...
Facebook: / relationshiphelpdoctor
Twitter: @RhobertaShaler
LinkedIn: / rhobertashaler
Instagram: @DrRhobertaShaler
KZfaq: / forrelationshiphelp
Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
Take my free checklists: www.forrelatio...
Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on KZfaq to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)
www.ForRelatio...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANT A SAFE PLACE-- off social media--
TO TALK, ASK QUESTIONS, GET EXPERT ANSWERS & SUPPORT?
Join my Emerging Empowered Community, online:
ForRelationshi...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Explore my eCourses to build your confidence in dealing with narcissistic people.
for-relationsh...
#Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This content has been created and recorded for the general interest and information of the viewer/listener. Nothing said or implied on this site should be taken, or construed in any way, as legal advice, or personal advice of any kind. It is entirely informational, offering readers, viewers, subscribers, followers, and members educational resources, anecdotes, case studies, and stories.
Optimize Life Now LLC & Rhoberta Shaler, PhD makes no representations about the suitability of the content of this site for any purpose. All content is provided “as is” without any warranty of any kind.

Пікірлер: 82

@Suzy3223 3 жыл бұрын

It’s so cowardly how they train your siblings to do their dirty work too. We must be quite a threat because they bring in every extended family member, their friends, your children.. anyone and everyone to keep us quiet and subservient. It’s all an illusion.

@charomececehosch6764 3 жыл бұрын

I will never show my vulnerability again. I’m getting out, just have to get my affairs in order. It’s all familiar!!!

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

I'm happy to hear that your next steps are so clear. I wish you well.

@janm9610 Жыл бұрын

Please be open to be vulnerable, just not with them!!!

@vinazahedi8934 3 жыл бұрын

Having a hijackal parent ,i have been always getting stuck in abusive relationships and frienships ,having no selfesteem ,selfcondince and she was and is blaming me,putting me down my always messed up life and i loved her thinking she is right

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that you have a Hijackal mother. It's SO difficult! When we're little we depend on parents to help us know who we are and how to manage in the world. When we have a #Hijackal parent, all that information is skewed and warped. Then, the journey begins to learn the truth about the parent, and more importantly, the truth about ourselves. I hope you'll find more peace by listening to other episodes of my podcast: SaveYourSanityPodcast.com I wish you peace. Rhoberta

@vinazahedi8934 3 жыл бұрын

@@ForRelationshipHelp Thanks so much

@terrapintravels3829 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I live with a hijackal who does all of these behaviors. Thank you so very much for all your knowledge, information, tips, and validation. ❣️He does use my personal information as amunition. Also I grew up with 2 hijackal parents and I've been a hijackal magnet my whole life. In his eyes I can't do anything right. I will be leaving this relationship asap.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful! I'm also glad to hear that you're leaving. I wish you well.

@pollytheparrot8929 2 жыл бұрын

Great.. Hope you left.. I want to leave too❤🙏

@glizzard1894 3 жыл бұрын

Yes! Thank you, Dr. Shaler. I worked hard to lose 80 pounds. Not a word from my husband. I find it easier and easier to turn my empathy away from him. He has none for me. I had to drive myself to the doctor with a scratched cornea because he didn't like my "tone" when I asked him to drive me.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. That's both terrible, and terribly difficult! Your husband sounds like he has #Hijackal tendencies. Have you listened to my podcast? You might find help, insights, and strategies there to help you think through what your next best steps are. SaveYourSanityPodcast.com I wish you peace. Rhoberta

@glizzard1894 3 жыл бұрын

@@ForRelationshipHelp Thank you for responding, Dr. Shaler. I have listened to most if not all of your podcasts. They are a goldmine of information and just knowing that I'm not crazy is validating. It's been a long process of a-ha moments. I'm stronger than I used to be. It's an ongoing project. Thank you again for your work!

@djw8591 3 жыл бұрын

Congratulations on your weight loss! That shows you have perseverance. I’m sorry you had to go through the episode of the NARC not driving you. I don’t even know you and it makes my heart ache for you.

@human1505 3 жыл бұрын

I have just discovered your videos. I am from India and my mother is a very religious person. She believes that parents are like the trunk of a tree. They HAVE to be happy with me as a child. I am 32 year old man and have a 2 year old kid too. All you said is true about me. My mother expects a lot from me. I love her to the core of my heart. I genuinely care for her but I was also under her thumb for my entire life. Only in 2020 I am beginning to understand many things about me. Being a very religious and superstitious she expects an obidient son and daughter in law. That would be the only path to heaven. Otherwise hell, suffering, loss of money, loss of health and basically a bad life if I don't do what they think is right for me or if I do things as per my wish as a genuine being I will 'cut' the trunk of the tree i.e family and then evil will follow me. My mother is a very critical person. She takes huge pride in her belief into prayers, spiritual practice etc. And she expects us to do the same. My wife is a Doctor and she finds these things very annoying and hence started ignoring my mother. This has led my mother to kind of depression mode. She remains sad and what you said 'addition to drama' truly fits her. I am also never good enough. I suffered from ADHD, I walked on egg shells all my life and I have started believing that my mother too is a Narcissistic. But again I know I will lose her one day. I want her to be happy yet be myself. But being myself triggers her. What is your opinion on this ? Sorry for bad English. Thank you. God bless you.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

Hi! I've travelled in India, and am somewhat familiar with the culture. I understand what you're saying. You know, though, that you can recognize your own worth that comes from living your own values, even if they are different from your mother's. You know that your mother doesn't dictate your self-worth any longer. What she has said about you comes from her, her background, and her own issues and woundings. It actually NOT about you. Good news, right? I wish you well. Rhoberta

@human1505 3 жыл бұрын

@@ForRelationshipHelp Thank you. 🙏

@SBecktacular 3 жыл бұрын

Exactly- being myself triggers her- Sometimes it’s so subtle, but you can sense it. Do your own thing and don’t feel guilty! Peace my friend 🙏🌹🙂

@aprilpugh8035 3 жыл бұрын

Everything you say hits home with me like an emotional slap in the face. What am I teaching my young daughters by staying in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage? I am from a broken home and I keep praying to be able to keep my family together, I know that we are the only people that we can change but it is up to God to change him. He is perfect according to him so he won't be trying to change himself for any reason.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

Hi! It's so sad when you actually realize the patterns and recognize that things have to change, I know. Yes, they are certainly quite happy to tell you that they are perfect and everyone and everything else is the problem, or has a problem. Your girls need to see a good model or they will accept what they are seeing as the pattern they will likely repeat. Big decisions coming, right? I'm here to help if you want to talk it through. BeAClient.com I wish you well.

@karriphillips5090 2 жыл бұрын

"That's just them getting what they want" wow....!!! That's the real reason it doesn't work.

@diannerussman1302 2 жыл бұрын

Yes this is happening to me. It feels bad all the time

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

It does feel bad. The good news is that you can turn this around and know you are good enough within yourself. Yes, it's not easy AND you can do it. I wish you well.

@triciagaunt8452 3 жыл бұрын

Yes ... I relate I am treated this way by my sister . Also

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that, Tricia. No one deserve this. Have you listened to other episodes in my podcast, Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships ? That could be a big help in dealing with it all. SaveYourSanityPodcast.com I wish you well. Rhoberta

@vinazahedi8934 3 жыл бұрын

I can relate to peace after their passing it's unfortunate that it seems only death should be our freedom gaining.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, Vina, it is only sometimes after their death that there is peace. Many times, though, peace can be greatly enhanced by going "no contact" with them, too.

@vinazahedi8934 3 жыл бұрын

@@ForRelationshipHelp ya ,i never want their death ,but i hope i can have less contact ,i love her in spite of her abusive behaviour , but i hope her less involving in my issues ,see and accept me as an adult.

@maddyho6402 3 жыл бұрын

this applies to relationships outside of intimate partners. using extreme coercive control, threats, illegal forms of abuse, stalking, internet crimes, and variety of deadly behavior to abuse to justify their catastrophic irreparable damage done to your family.

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

You're right. It does.

@sandi2490 9 ай бұрын

I vacuum before my sister comes over, and she will vacuum my carpet when I am not looking! I know! By the way my home is clean on most days. I am never good enough, and I have since walked away!

@sallyg.8733 3 жыл бұрын

yes this is sooo true with me

@nadeenanayakkara3645 8 ай бұрын

Yes, sounds so familiar doctor! Thank you for enlightening me and really understand what I’ve been going through!! 🙏🙏🙏

@esemando 3 жыл бұрын

I came across this video this evening and played it a few times. Loud enough for her to hear. Around 1 am she packed her things took a shower and left never saying one word. I never said a word either. Just let her go

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

An interesting approach with the desired result, it seems. For now.....

@esemando 3 жыл бұрын

YES YES YES.YES YES

@djw8591 3 жыл бұрын

I’m loving the humor here.

@isabella-ey5wj 3 жыл бұрын

Gratitude for sharing your knowledge . I’m so glad that I found your videos. thanks god bless you

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome! I'm happy they help you. I wish you well.

@fae137 2 жыл бұрын

So last fight with my partner he criticized me and then followed that up with "i am not responsible for your esteem issues" in response to me stating that I did not need his criticism/put downs. I don't have esteem issues, but I take issue with unnecessary hurtful comments.

@bekafarris4986 9 ай бұрын

Yes! They seem to also say YOU ALWAYS ARE IN A BAD MOOD OR ITS ALWAYS YOU WHO HAS THE PROBLEM...THAT THEY DONT DO ANYTHING WRONG...AND CAN SAY HOW ABOUT DONT TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN! AND THAT THEY DONT EVEN WANT IT!! ANYTHING TO HURT YOU AND TALK TO YOU SO LOW AND THEN EITHER LITTLE LATER ACT LIKE THEY DIDN'T JUST DISRESPECT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU AND ACT LIKE THEY LOVE YOU AND NOTHING HAPPENED LIKE I HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL UPSET OR YOU GET THE SILENT TREATMENT AND FEEL LIKE THEY COULD CARE LESS TO BE AROUROUND U ... I try to stay in middle that it can be me sometimes and them sometimes as far as a bad mood or whatever it maybe but I don't just see one way that I'm perfect and they aren't! Idk ur awesome you hit the nail on the hammer on everything!!!! Thank you for helping me to see I'm not crazy and how to handle and grow from this!

@esemando 3 жыл бұрын

Word for word you described my situation

@curiousone6435 3 жыл бұрын

Yep.

@saucygurl6960 3 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@lorrainenicoletti6232 3 жыл бұрын

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes ................

@adelinethomas8625 Жыл бұрын

Yes

@karriphillips5090 2 жыл бұрын

True 👍

@diannerussman1302 2 жыл бұрын

I feel like I a hyjackal. Because I learned it from my parents and toxic relationships.

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

You can learn it from others, for sure. If you think you've adopted some Hijackal tendencies, it's a good idea to get some help to determine what's up and what's able to be changed. If you want my help, BeAClient.com

@lolamontgomery9557 2 жыл бұрын

Hi. Greatly enjoying all of these episodes. Unfortunately married to a gaslighted, highjackel. Sadly I’m seeing these patterns in my teenage daughter. Can you talk about how to raise (if it’s not too late) my twelve year old and lead her in the right direction so she doesn’t grow up to ruin her husbands life?

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you're finding value in the episodes. When a child has a Hijackal parent as a model, there is a fifty per cent chance that they will follow in their footsteps. If your daughter will go to counseling, she may be able to change her thought patterns and shift her emotional response patterns. Do you think she would be supported by her father to do that?

@ricardoseales6501 3 жыл бұрын

Yes I do I understand

@richardmeyer1837 3 жыл бұрын

5:27 Yes

@SBecktacular 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Roberta!! - good stuff here 🙏❤️🙂🌹

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Rhoberta

@richardmeyer1837 3 жыл бұрын

3:29 Yes

@user-bx2fy6sd4j 3 ай бұрын

Love your videos they are really helpful...

@richardmeyer1837 3 жыл бұрын

Yes This Is Familiar

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

It's usually helpful to see these patterns. I hope it is for you.

@pollytheparrot8929 2 жыл бұрын

YES 😔

@samuelmajors7041 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes !!!!!!!!!!

@lorrainenicoletti6232 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you 💖

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

@ritadoran5039 2 жыл бұрын

Dr I've been out of a toxic relationship for 6 months yet he still berates and yells at me via voice mail why I have no idea we are not physically connected

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Hijackal humans don't like to lose their power over you. Sad, but true. I hope you are not responding to his voice mails, or any communication from him directly.

@julesb8426 3 жыл бұрын

Greatly informative

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@valeriemason9615 3 жыл бұрын

Great video!

@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it

@bertyoung3716 2 жыл бұрын

What's the benefit of staying with someone who is a hijackals ?

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Some people stay because the Hijackal has tight control on the finances, and an exit plan is slow to create. Some stay because they cannot imagine the Hijackal having 50/50 custody, having the children alone without them to counteract the negative behaviors of the Hijackal. Some stay while they are working on themselves so that they can make healthier decisions and emerge empowered. Unless there is physical or sexual abuse, I encourage my clients to reclaim themselves and their strengths in tandem with creating their best next steps. Then, they are more likely to emerge empowered. That's how I support people in my Emerging Empowered Community: joinintoday.com