We need a video if YOU broke up with them and YOU want them back. Please.

This was liberating. She cried after reading my letter. I gracefully bowed out. And I feel like I healed a lot after that letter. No more fixation, no more anxiety. It's time to move on and actually change for the better and let life unfold. Thank you.

You literally nailed it with the first scenario. That is us. Now she’s forcing no contact. I’m in so much pain.

''they caught me sleeping with her brother or her sister... Or both.'' 😂

Im actually incredibly proud for how I communicated and apologized for my actions when we broke up, it was before I saw this video but I communicated my anxious tendencies very well, and yes I do love her because she was nothing like me and I found it beautiful

This is really high quality stuff Ken. You're outstanding.

Very amazing channel, Ken. As a health care professional myself, married happily 25 years, my heart goes out to those men and women who struggle to find long-term happiness as loving couples. Many narratives we hear do not of course include the many addictive components that cause hidden damage. Those vices may only come to light as we mature on life's circuitous journey, IMHO. Thank you, and these narrative's serve as a reminder that life is transitory, and we need to grow and adapt with it, to maintain those deep connections of matrimony. Subscribed.

Basically explaining my divorce from 20 years ago. If only I had been aware enough. Ken this is a truly helpful mindset.

Tried to articulate and empathize but she responded and said she doesn’t want to talk about the past because it won’t make things better even if she understands but she’s glad I have those insights. I’m worried I wasn’t able to fully articulate and give context now

To everyone watching Coach Ken or Coach Lee I just wanted to share my experience and I dont want to discourage anyone but heres my experience. I have followed both coaches lessons to the T and yes its been hard, its been 6 months for me now and i may have noticed the slightest little clues that it was working, but nothing I can say 100% for sure maybe it was coincidence, both these coaches say that its not 100% and that it doesnt work on everyone. In my case it didnt, I still have nightmares and wake up in panics and sweats, I have tried to do my hobbies but end up saying hell with this my heart just isnt in it, it still bothers me everyday its like a recurring nightmare, if this makes me weak by admitting this then so be it i am being sincere and honest, I have lost just about everything over this and i mean that in a literal sense, does that mean that what these Coaches have said isnt true? No it doesnt so for all of you that are holding on to hope if thats what motivates you then keep going, nothing is guaranteed in life, but all those who get on here and say a ex is a ex for a reason, they dont know your feelings, they dont know your situation, every situation has its differences, try not to listen to their negativity, dont spend your time worrying about its been x number of days and i havent heard anything i done that and it didnt help me in fact it hurt me, time doesnt mean anything, both coaches have said they have seen people reunite after years, i will say and this is just being honest i had built up all this time in no contact half a year, i sent that text that Ken talks about because to be fair i had been selfish only seeing things my way so at least she knows my eyes were opened to see things her way, and we had a good relationship there was no cheating or arguing, my ex is unique she bragged from day 1 if anything ever happens she would be the best ex ever because i would never hear from her again, well i cant call her a liar on that one, or she would always say if anything ever happens and she end things that was it she wouldnt be back, well she got me there too!! So why was she bringing this up? Out of the blue? Maybe to scare me to be a good little soldier? Idk I have learned from my career in emergency services that i have put my life on the line in situations the average person would say screw this and run just to save a total stranger that i didnt know, yet the ones we love and care about wouldnt cross the street to save my life, i hate giving up hate it!! Theres akways a way to succeed but at this point i am throwing in the towel, if she wants the break up this bad then so be it, i can walk away knowing i didnt give up on her, i didnt lose her she lost me and good luck to her replacing me, sure she can find someone else but i can guarantee he wont replace me, he wont fill my shoes and be willing to go above and beyond for her, and i know its going to be hell for awhile, but i have learned what people call hell i call home for half a year now!! Coach Ken Coach Lee thank you for all you did, for all you taught me, i am truly appreciative!!

20:13 The solution of the mess, Thank you for your guidance. I believe it will help me sort out my mess.. Appreciated.

Genius observations.

I went NC for one week and he called. I kept it calm, polite and brief. I did good. Let’s see what happens tomorrow

This video was made for me, i unknowingly caused the breakup, and im working on myself to be better for myself.

This is all too great. Thank you. In my case, I'm blocked. Already sent her that thought-out apology, communicating and empathizing those feelings of hers, and me committing to professional help to be a better version of myself. It's been 3 months of break up, 2 months without running into eachother, and 5 weeks without contact. This hurts still, albeit I'm getting better. I still feel we are meant for one another, believe it or not. Crazy chemistry and connection. For reals. Any help would be nice.

Yes Coach Ken!! This is the content we need. Not many people cover this subject. I actually initiated the breakup in frustration because my ex wouldn’t compromise on issues. It became obviously it had to be mostly on her terms. I got upset and ended it, but I realized she was more important to me and I was willing to make sacrifices with my career to make it work. So a few days later I came back to apologize and had a plan in place for us to go to couples counseling, and also how to create an atmosphere where we could both share openly and get to the root of our problems. She didn’t agree to couples therapy since we had our own therapists, which I thought was a bad sign. I thought we needed the same message through the same therapist. What followed was another 10 months of trying to win her over. Gifts, flowers, and multiple hand written letters expressing my regret and sincerity in wanting to work it out. She just wouldn’t open herself up. Even though we were talking about marriage two months prior to the split. She stopped talking to me in October and then reached out in June about why she went silent. We had a few chats since then out the breakup, and there was definitely some chemistry there when we weren’t talking about it and just catching up. We finally stopped communication about 12 days ago after really clearing the air once and for all. She admitted she still looks at my social media and cries about us, even though it’s been a year. I told her she needs to sit with her feelings and make sure she doesn’t still want this. She told me she would reach out if she found love is still there, but I don’t expect to hear from her again. Excited to hear what you have to say to see where I went wrong (the begging aside - I did way too much)

12:56 Man U nailed it. I’m going through that now. Same dynamic.

It hurts because it has been eight months now and she just seems to be done. I got just one private call this whole year just a few days before my birthday and I always wonder if that was her. I'll probably never know. There was no voicemail or anything. She always said she didn't like to leave voicemails. I got upset when I felt neglected several times throughout the relationship. It just wasn't in her nature to appreciate me or show that she valued me. She didn't think quality time together was necessary. It was just empty and it was my desire for connection that drove the wedge between us. She grew up in Moldova and I think she is just used to that isolated mentality she doesn't see the fact that a partnership requires it to some extent. She felt critiqued and ended it when I kept bringing these things up. She didn't like confrontation and just thought it was best to end it. She said like I told you that it was only special "in my head." She really hurt me with those words. It just feels like I was something she thought she wanted but then when it came to like you said the differences causing issues she ran or wanted to run. It is really breaking my heart but I think she was in the wrong too. It wasn't just me. I tried and love is not just passive it's something you have to try for and I believe she did not nearly as much as I did and ultimately you and everyone else needs a partner that is willing to TRY above all else.

You save so many ppl

Irreparable and No Hope here hello 👋🙋🏻‍♂️

What’s up coach! I hope that you’re doing good brother!

I definitely caused my breakup after almost 4 years. She started dating someone about a month later, maybe a rebound, not sure, but they’ve been seeing each other for about 4 months, 3 of which have been long distance. This all happened in February, June 5 thru now, July 17, is the longest I’ve gone without reaching out. I miss her everyday, but she obviously doesn’t want me. No way she was healed before dating this guy so we’ll see what happens.

Wow this dynamic and difference caused the break up with my partner. But he just cut me off it was hell. Instead of trying to work it out!

Good example. Close to what I experienced. Me, a defender, breaking up with someone because they have so much money and had decided they could never get married again. So I became a threat. They believe pre-nuptials don’t work… or so they said. 😢

I am the conqueror type big time I’m a competitive martial artist and am extremely risk oriented, I ride motorbikes and have unfortunately had many brushes with the law I attracted a bpd ex who I had to walk away from Felt so terrible about it and still do

The example with the businessman building the future for us and me feeling neglected was on spot. Totally my case. Ended up breaking up with me because he was feeling that I wasn't showing much gratitude.. but I did my best to support him with all the means I could.

My business oriented/competition driven/ stellar accomplishments ex broke up with me, even if I tried to give him all the understanding, cheering and patience he wanted

Hello Coach Ken, that part where you say the defender is having a conversation in their head and then they reach a conclusion. That is EXACTLY what my ex did. I had even told her that. Good to know that I diagnosed this right haha. Bit too late but oh well. No im in NC for 6 weeks but starting to lose interest. Thanks for the high quality content

Coach Ken, I hope you'll make a video about how different personalities handle breakups and reconciliation. Like, in my case, I'm an ENFP and my ex-bf is an INFJ. I mostly caused the breakup -- we were together for more than 3 years and had been a little too needy in the latter part of our relationship. But, I surely hurt him a lot since I was expecting too much from him when we were together. He is a very good man, but since I am also more of an Orchestrator most of the time, I used to feel disappointed whenever he couldn't understand my heart, and even told him about it, thus hurting his feelings a lot of times. He would not really speak up a lot whenever we had conflicts because he gets frustrated whenever we had conflict. He just wants peace and not to keep the conflict going, and I get disappointed since he would not say anything. But, I also could not communicate my heart well, and instead just expected him to read my mind. He got burnt out and eventually felt numb saying he lost the feelings and desire to continue fighting for the relationship. I actually watched your video on why good men leave the relationship part 2, or about the introverted guy. And, our situation was mostly like that. I apologized to him sincerely after the breakup, and thankfully he was and is still very receptive to me whenever I contact him. It's just that he apologizes for still not wanting to get back together. We've been broken up for a little over 7 weeks already, and the longest no contact that I did was 8 days.. for 7 weeks, from the 2nd-5th week, I was mostly initiating the contact although he was very responsive to me, even until now, and still makes me feel that he cares for me a lot. He started initiating the contacts and reaching out to me last week and this week, but I am scared that I might mess it up. I am still very warm and caring whenever we talk but I limit my responses since I'm scared to appear chasing him. I would usually gracefully end the conversation since I'm scared I might make him feel rushed or pressured if the conversation keeps going. Coz, we just can't seem to stop talking every time we chat, so I had to end the conversation most of the time. By the way, I truly and earnestly apologized to him for my faults, and so he did. He told me he had faults too in the breakup, and we both have forgiven each other, although he apologized that he still doesn't want to get back together. He told me though that we could talk more about the breakup and the relationship issues once I'm done with my major exam this September. I also told him that in the meantime, maybe we could stop talking about the breakup and keep our conversations light, to which he agreed. But to be honest, I'm just really scared that I might mess it up, especially since he hinted or indirectly said he would stay the same (support me and treat me lovingly as a partner). But I wasn't able to respond to that well since I was caught off guard and got scared to appear chasing again. I said, I'll strive to make myself better and be more understanding too so that I can treat my loved ones and other people much better next time. And I think he got upset since I did not respond to his indirect message, or about 'him' being my 'partner'. I did hint back on getting back together since I was too scared to appear chasing again. What makes me hang on to hope now is just the fact that at least we had agreed to talk about the breakup and the relationship after my major exam. Did I do the right thing in not acknowledging his indirect hint? T_T I also don't know if the no-contact will work since he kinda reaches out to me once or twice each week and I do respond. T_T

I sure hope you were right on this one!! I had been in no contact been a champ in it but realized I never addressed her feelings so I hesitantly broke no contact to address her feelings and how she must have felt I hope I just didn't blow all the no contact work I had built up!! BTW I got no response

THISSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I've had two situations where it's not agreed who caused it. If you asked them they'd say me, if you ask me i'd say them. Just silly disagreements where both parties didn't want to back down. Their word against mine. I'd say they were inconsiderate to the point of being cruel - they'd say I was overreacting. You can't really prove it either way as it's subjective so it's hard to know what to do.

She was definitely an orchestrator and I was a performer. It became exhausting

"This was my exes response after I sent a clean slate around 3Mos post breakup. What am I to think? She's been in a rebound / monkey branch 2 weeks after breakup. "I wish you well my friend I do care about you deeply you're my best friend. But I'm ready to enjoy life and not constantly worry about whether I'm not I'm being treated right, whether or not I have to worry about another factor in a relationship"

Thanks Coach. I recognize that my disinvestment and lack of affection to her caused her to leave me. I know I need to reach out with the apology letter. It's been 6 weeks of NC. She sent me a package of sentimental items at week 2 with a note saying she'll always love me and remember our best. I'll send the apology at week 8.

Hi, Coach Ken! I have one important question. We were together almost 3 years. Kind of on and off. Never off for more than a week but the same cycles of me being busy and her not getting quality time, and then hysterically lashing out kept occuring. Your example at the 2 minute mark of this video describes us perfectly. Like, fly on the wall, perfectly. This last time we agreed to separate and maybe speak again in a few weeks. That was 3 days ago. I have written a letter that acknowledges how my distance caused her pain and to pull away. I'm in no contact now and Im just wondering when the best time to send that letter is? How long should I wait or what should I wait for. Thank you for your work. It has brought incredible clarity in times of confusion. God bless you, Man

I’m a woman who left the business builder/ workaholic.😂 But you can tell this type of man 50 times & he won’t understand until you leave. Even now, he’s in denial. The things that were done “wrong” aren’t toxic, just more like… unacceptable. The problem is that we fall into patterns or tolerate it, like I’ve left in the past & gone back if he apologized. But in those patterns, no contact is important. Because ultimately we have to ask ourselves if we’d want to go back if nothing changed

Bro I just saw something on Instagram made me run for a six pack and cigarettes

Did this and was left on read for 3 days now

I rarely write comments but this time I want to understand if I'm doing the right thing or not : we used to be together for long time then they got me into jail which I'm innocent and turned out to be mistake and through the time I was inside I was trying to check on her and help her the right way I could, then I got out and I met her couple of times, we take care of her other bcz she's sick. But three to four weeks ago, I noticed she's pulling away and I told her that if she's busy with something you can only tell me and you can take your time, she's said she's fine and since I'm a bit from home I couldn't meet her every day but I was calling and checking if everything is alright, few days ago I was fed up with my suspicions that there's someone she's talking to. I confronted her with the name she said she doesn't know someone with that name until I mentioned the entire name, she's he's her cousin and she didn't mention it because it's from her father's side and she doesn't like them and they don't like her. I mentioned the question. I've been with you for 3 years and I wanted to talk to your mother many times to ask her for proposal (our traditions) but she said she doesn't want to talk about these topics and that I accused her of something very hurtful and. I left the conversation with goodnight and take care of yourself, but I called mistakenly once she asked why I called and to avoid embarrassing myself I asked about her mother and about the result of the blood tests, she said she's fine. I said okay and I know I'm taking the no contact fully, ps. The guy is a still friend with her on Instagram still no reaction of whatsoever, have I caused the breakup and if the no contact rule would work

They told me a few times like around 3-5 times over the summer and fall that they wanted me to travel to them more often. The problem is that we are teens and I don’t really have that money. Would that count as me breaking the relationship or not? They also communicated once that they felt like we were drifting apart. I don’t remember what I answered but Ik we never had a conversation about that after it. I’m really unsure if it’s just feeling’s that are talking or actual consciousness

It's so damn hard to let go & remain no contact without clinging to hope. 😢 He told me to "cease communication" while drunk & misinterpreted my text. I suppose it's over, I don't know how to move on. Perhaps, some men are too cowardly to come back & apologize?

Do you have a video about if you broke up with someone but for good reasons? I broke up with my ex because of communication issues and because she was a fearful avoidant and had become cold. I saw not other reason that to break it off. I told her that if she wants to give it another shot at some point, but within my bounderies, she is wellcome to each out. I am unsure if the normal rules of No Contact applies.

Wow. You just explained me and my ex. He is the business owner. But he dumped me. He was extremely bad at making time for us. If we had plans he had no problem saying yes to overyone else, even strangers and cancel with me. He could never say no to anyone no matter what it was about, just me. It drove me crazy and I became more and more moody and sad. Complaning and causing drama as he would call it. In the end he dumped me and I knew it was because of the way I was acting. Made him feel that he could never be good enough because I kept complaining. He said we were to different and that he wants to be with someone who is more like him. Ive been in no contact for 23 days and its more than 6 weeks since the breakup. Do you really think that I should contact him? I really dont wanna ruin my chances of getting him back by reacing out! I Have said that I was sorry for being moody, but not in the way you explained here.

19:30 Saving this timestamp

me and my ex of 2 years are currently in a no contact because my mistakes of not listening and to what she needed changed and not helping her and now she is mentally broken and says she needs to find herself i told her i would send flowers every time they die and she says she likes them but i dont want to end up pushing her away by sending them but i also dont want to let her down by not what should i do?

@Coach Ken I caused the breakup because I felt "Friend Zoned". So how severe is that? We were friendly at the work place til I felt it wasn't going in the direction I wanted; so I just stopped communicating with her and she did the same. There wasn't any discussion on this AT ALL. NONE. So in my view she has no idea why we stopped. And it's been 15 months at work of just working around each other but zero communication. Now she is dating a guy in the office but she still glances at me multiple times ( 20-30) in a day.

So the scenario where the ex came to the conclusion in their minds alone, how can you get that person to want you back? (The protector I believe) Or is this just a start of no contact and continue that only?

Is it possible to get a ex husband back after 2 divorces???

What if he thought I was cheating and I tested his trust toward me but he was totally wrong 😅 I never cheated. Then he broke up with me..We did have a mature conversation at the end kind of agreeing to breaking up but he was the one who said it and said things such as he wants the best for me, that I could find one better etc. I’m in no contact now and it’s been 5 days..

I would say I caused the break up but she initiated it. Its been 1 month and a week. I implemented no contact and the longest its been in place was 7 days. She ends up reaching out everytime then proceeds to tell me we shouldnt talk, so i go back into no contact. Now shes reached out every two days and also had me come over saturday and we had sex. Shes once again saying she shouldnt feel the way that shes feeling so shes not going to talk to me for awhile. I wake up today from a text from her talking about how great the sex was.

Your website is not working.

if the breakup is because of misunderstanding, how long do I have to do no contact?

Ok. can someone answer this one. After he tried to deny me my freedom (emotional abuse) for the sake of his counselling to work.. 2 weeks later, he speaks to his counsellor. After all that he says, "I dont think its going to work out". I pack up my things the next day and say there is nothing left to fight for. (Give him a list of requirements should that situation change. Left an email with his counsellor about what has really been happening) I feel like I am wanting to go back but I remember the very strong emotions like anxiety and frustration and loneliness when he shut me out. What now..? It looked like it hurt but there is no response. Mind you, when he tried to trap me, he promised a small amount of change and it got worse.

What if you never felt valued or appreciated and they always threatened that they are leaving you. Then you get so fed up and say leave I’m done you having to set a boundary! and they leave and never take accountability for their actions to make you say leave?

i did most the damage. He came back and just played me when I was trying and left with a new girl… can no contact work

what if I caused the breakup because I keep doubting him?

What should I do if I’ve been in no contact for two months and I never reached out to tell her I can empathize with her position? Is it too late now to reach out? She broke up with me because she said we were incompatible and that she couldn’t see us working. I’m really confused.

Does NC still work if I told dumper to not call / message me so I can move forward? I gave the break up with no drama.

Is it possible there is no relief stage because a single event and fight caused the breakup when I lied to her. Would there be no relief stage??

20:05

What if the break up was 100% their fault and they were completely wrong??

I was blocked from fb and now i koe why i imagine she dint koe we was still in the Instagram thing conected those fucking stories are just killen me inside.. ive been drinking alot

I dumped her because she was becoming entitled and disrespectful.

My (ex) wife is calling me to fix things around the house still...after she found a new bigger better guy..should i help her with stuff like that anymore ? Shouldnt she call her new perfect man or a professonial?

Sorry, this is really long. Please, anyone who can help, im super open to suggestions! Coach, I was with her for five years, 4 and a half of those were so so good. Halfway through last year, I became really depressed and let myself go, I had zero hobbies, drank by myself, did almost nothing, no exercise, busy friends meant I had no social life, I became dependent on her, I stopped caring about my studies or career, I spent almost all my time gaming... I still spent time with her, but I was more needy than I usually was. I view this as all meaning that it's entirely my fault. She lost attraction and love for me because of how I became a hollow person over several months. I was not the person she fell in love with. I've since worked incredibly hard to fix myself, I've turned my life around 180°, and feel better now than I've felt for a very long time. It's been almost 40 days no contact, over two months being broken up. Before I went No Contact, she would get upset, cry, and say she was confused in her feelings because of the changes she already saw me making. Do I reach out? Do I reach out now and show that I've changed an insane amount since she left? I'm studying hard between anxiety, I'm motivated for my future career, I'm exercising multiple times a day. I miss her, and I feel like I ruined everything by not seeking help earlier.