Yes I did, starting the day my ex broke up with me. I didn't know what no contact was. I was just moving on with my life doing the breakup course. Sure enough, exactly 4 weeks later, my FA ex came out of nowhere and started trying to talk with me. It is interesting, I will say.

❤ YESSSSSSSS, THAIS, I'm actually in no contact now, Day # 211/ 6 Months 31 days today. I really just needed to prove to myself that I was the one doing the heavy lifting. The only one attached to somebody who is not available to show up for me. The sad part is that I was hoping, n wishing n waiting. I needed to prove to myself............now the proof is in the pudding, I can learn to show up n show out, for all the parts of me. Thank You Thais, for your help!!!!❤😂

After 20+ years of relationship and 3 kids and several kind of breakups, all in the same way: she closed off and after time no longer feelings for me and then after a few months I was the love of her life again. Now she moved out since a month and having co-parenting switching kids each week, it is difficult to do no contact

Thais I'm currently in no contact after being dumped for 2nd time by same woman. Both times I chased and she came back once. 2nd time I should've just walked away but I was losing so much more the 2nd time friends family got to know the kids better attached to her dog so much loss I'm still so heart broken 5 months later. I can see why it's so hard to let go and not chase when your future plans and dreams are taken away and you're discarded like you never meant anything to them.

Is this still appropriate in a trial separation of a marriage?

This!!!

Exactly what happened to me

Beautifully and poetically stated!

👏

“Just let it be”- all too familiar with this phrase from him !

@goku what a beautiful story.

Can't pour from an empty cup ! I like that. Good on you ! 👍

dude that's awesome you deserve good. always have and always will

Thank you so much for your kind words! I appreciate your support and well wishes. Stay strong and keep believing in yourself! ❤

@Dani I'm not even in this predicament but because I subscribed and pressed all, I get all. I realized the same too, they never have grown, just same Ole same Ole. I.wonder why. I noticed even after yyyyears they're still the same. Branching out?

I'm glad she's not always taking about avoidants. There's so much more to talk about. She's a great lady.

We submit and turn to Christ Jesus. I love you, dear sister. Christ changed my life 100%. Absolutely!

@@danilaroche1156Amen! And it’s Christ who can heal brokenness within each of us, we just have to want healing 💯

I can’t do complete no contact for financial reasons and he picks up my daughter from school twice a week while I go to class.

I never understood this "no contact" thing. I don't understand the game. If you need to cut off contact, as you say, it's for a damn good reason and it should be permanent. Anyone who comes cack after you cut them off, is responding only to your rejection, and it puts in motion a bad precedent, in my opinion. I can't get past the manipulative aspect of this.

@number7195 yeah it shouldn't be used as a manipulation technique to get an ex back it is meant to help you heal, to respect yourself enough to not reach out or chase but also to respect their decision to end the relationship. But a bi-product of no contact can be that your ex will start missing you, will realize they can't just have access to you whenever they want and might reconsider their decision. It would then be on you to decide if you want to try again. Relationships can work again after a breakup if both people are willing to do the work.

Then how is the ex gonna know that we changed, that they are not walking back into the same relationship again by being with us?

@@anothercat9600 so the logic is "cut them off" and hope the person contacts you? The only guys who will respond to this manipulation would be guys who like games, imo. if someone is finished, they are finished. Also you are assuming that only one party needs to change, when it actually requires two.

I did the same with mine lasted 5 days told her no more that was last Monday I feel better this time around won't let her in again she's blocked everywhere and delete

No shit 😅

I appreciate your comment and am grateful that the video resonated with you! ❤

Similar story here. Together for a year, discarded like a piece of trash, it’s been about a year and a half now. Never came back. Now I see it as a blessing. The guy was emotionally abusive and it almost became physically abusive as well. I could be under ground right so it was a blessing he left me at the time I was so blinded I didn’t see it.

@@IvanaGirlif you’re comfortable, can I ask, did you recognize the abuse early on? Did you try to leave? If not, why not? Scared? Thought he’d change? I don’t mean to pry, but hoping it can help me understand a bit of a my situation.

⁠@@alext802I’m just seeing this now, yes I did recognize VERY EARLY ON, I didn’t want to be alone and hoped it wasn’t a big deal how he was acting but it was, I wasn’t scared to leave, I DIDNT WANT TO, I was crazy and blinded, we did get in touch again after a year, which was a few weeks ago, he wanted to try the relationship again, but his anger got the best of him again, he has a tinder account which he refuses to delete, he plays dumb every time I ask him to delete it, so I started sending nasty texts about the girls he is probably talking to on there. He said it wasn’t going to workout because of “how I was acting” well duh!! How t f does he want me to act when he has a effing tinder account? Happy and sweet towards him? Anyways he’s a p o s narcissist and told me I’m the problem for b i t ching and blocked me and we haven’t spoken since. I just can’t believe he doesn’t see why I’m upset and he’s gaslighting me telling me IM the problem here. I tried to reach out even up until today through email but he’s ignoring me. I’m so dumb i know…

@@alext802could you tell me more about your situation? Would love to hear your story, i hope i can be of any help since I’ve been through it

You have to heal your attachment style. This will stop you from getting a high or fix every time the avoidant reaches out (with the anxiety-ridden lows in between). I've been there, but I had multiple cycles with my DA ex-fiancé. This inconsistent, unhealthy behavior will stop being attractive to you when you've healed. My DA ex tries to get back with me, but I have no interest. This person used to be the center of my world. Most of the time, you've built them up in your mind to be way more special and perfect than they actually are in order to justify the hyperfixation on them . Looking back, you won't see the appeal in this person you've been obsessing over. You'll be able to move on with someone who can love you and consistently show that to you, or you'll choose to stay single and be content in that.

@@ds37215 I know, just don't know what I need to fix when it comes to this woman. I don't really see myself as anxious. According to my psyc I'm actually somewhat avoidant. Somehow she has brought out a side to me that only one person has done before, but now it's backfired. She has brought out the loving, caring protective person in me. All the potential is there it has been awesome 90% of the time, guess I can't only go on potential. We have been together for 3 and a half years. This was very sudden as well... Within a month at the turn of this year it went from awesome, coming back from holiday to "we want different things, we aren't compatible, we aren't suited for each other, I can't love you the same" Anyhoo all I can do is try get past and let her go in my mind and permanently. Thank you for your sweet words ❤️

False hope is an avoidant's stock in trade. They want to connect but are even more afraid of connecting and being hurt. They're not bad people; just wounded ones. If they are not committed to growth and change and, usually therapy, it won't matter how many times she comes back, she'll always leave again.

@@Mudpuppyjunior I actually think today (after collecting) Something seemed to click in my head a bit. Think it's time for me to move on and I might have the strength to do so. Can't do these games anymore. Again I also don't know if she has started seeing someone, she did the previous and it failed miserably(2 months) I have a sneaky feeling she has, and it's possibly her previous ex... Anyhoo, guess we just keep going. Thanks for the message

@@ds37215 Funny thing is I'm actually not an anxious person. According to my psych I'm actually more avoidant apparently. Dunno what it is about this woman... Anyway I've now cleared all my belongings and going back to NC, hopefully this time I get further. Thanks for your message ❤️

I appreciate your feedback and understand how it can feel overwhelming when you're in the midst of your emotions. Be kind to yourself! ❤‍🩹

Why do you want a repeat ghoster back? I say this with love, stop ghosting yourself. Come home. ❤❤❤

You can try it out for free for, usually 7, sometimes more, days and cancel before incurring a cost.

@@Mudpuppyjunior thank you for clarifying that for me!

You're welcome. 😶

I'm glad you found the video helpful! ❤

How sure are you, that they aren't FA, instead of DA?

@QueenDee games much?

@@Katrica670 right!

@@constantinescuandrei6158 after watching many of her videos and reading psychology journals he has symptoms more closely aligned with DA.

@@QueenDeeTV why after 9 months? Lots play these manipulative games. Someone told me we women need to stop analyzing, and see things amd take them at logical face valuel period.

@nicolas 300 yrs, and 3 seconds to the DA, 303 seconds for the FA!

It is better to start healing journey towards being secure..

I was AP like crazy and no contact HURTS! Every day I was wondering if she was even thinking about me at all! Watching my phone and saying to myself "Cmoooon, just say hello if I ever meant ANYTHING to you!!" It's so rough but when you realize no contact is more designed to get you to focus on yourself and take the rose tinted glasses off, take them off the pedestal and see them how they really are, you'll realize a gradual change in how you saw and see them. I'd love to see a video of the effects of no contact on the AP using it lol, it was a Rollercoaster of bitterness at times "I love her, nah she's not THAT great, but she is, but she probably never loved me, but that smile and the things she did for me, but look how she disappeared when I needed her" etc. Once you sort it all out, it's likely to make you more secure and realize there's millions of people better than your ex out there who'll you'll TRULY be their favorite person in the world and love you like you deserve.

I was AP and went No Contact for 8 months. It was not fun.

​​@@blueaqua2122What does AP mean?

Yes. Foolishness. It’s not the same at all.

Let them be and try and work on yourself. The more attention you give to them the longer the come back will be ,if your relationship was not toxic or ended badly. Try and work on yourself as thats the only option you have . Is sad and had but with time things may change into your favour if you treated them well when u was together

If the person was avoidant often their rebounds are deactivation methods to gain space from an ex and are often not serious. Not always and you may be better off without them even if they're not serious but if you truly want another shot be patient and wait. If they are avoidant and aren't actively working on healing leave them to their rebound.

My fa is currently in a rebound right now, it started technically the weekend I started moving out, but paused for two weeks when we were seemingly trying to work things out, her therapist on the second week told her to distance & disentangle with me and that was it, after a emotionally charged texting session that I shut down and said we need to talk in person about this stuff. A week later her rebound officially started and she asked for space and for me to get the rest of my stuff from the garage before she got back home. At this point, I am more and more just losing all feelings for her especially after blatantly lying to me about the guy to my face several times.. she isn’t a good liar when someone is standing right in front of her that is for sure. Kinda burned the bridge at this point really.

I told my ex "hey, I appreciate you reaching out, but I think for my own mental well being, I need a bit of a break. Let's try talking again in [time]". For me that time was 3 months, but I still wasn't ready, so I sent another text saying "hey, I still don't think I'm ready to talk yet, but I really hope you're doing well". Trust me, I was SO READY to reach out and beg for him, but that's how I knew I wasn't ready to talk yet. I didn't want to approach this relationship from a position of lack. If we're going to end up together (still don't know), I want it to be on equal footing. I want to know it's something we both want. I wanted to put enough distance in to teach myself that I'm okay no matter what the outcome. Do I still want him? FUCK YES. Will I be okay if I never have him? Also fuck yes. The beauty of no contact.

The dumper usually doesn't do no contact, the dumpee is.

@@CeeP211what if there’s neither dumper nor dumpee, just an argument 3 weeks ago and neither wants to be the first to reach out? I’m secure, he’s avoidant.

It depends on the individual and how strong the connection was on their end.

No contact is manipulation? If someone says you not invited to the party, You simply don't go. That's respectful response

@@canis556 yes, but you don't expect them to change their mind and invite you

No contact to get someone back is manipulation, possibly? NC to get you back is necessary.

I hope you're healing yourself in the meantime so you don't allow this behavior in your life moving forward. ❤

I didn't block, I just deleted them. No need to be petty, just also no need to show up in their feeds.

@loiuse I am guessing just talk strictly about kids, do Not get reeled in and do Not imitate reminiscing

@@Katrica670 I only contact him when it's about the baby, she is 2 month year old, when he is here to visit with her, I try keeping the subjects on a superficial level, i'm detached but trying to speak and act friendly when he is here, trying to keep my self busy when he visits so I don't have to talk to him to much, I don't reminis and if he brings up things about our past together I sometimes comment on them only to point out the bad things or ells I just nod my head not trying to start a conversation about it, he acsually send me a pic yesterday from a vacation we took last year I didn't reply to it. I'm pretty sure he is a DA, but not at all self-aware.

Look up Grey rocking

I would just let him know you've got a lot going on and need to stay focused on things in your life and don't want any distractions. I do that every year or so, nothing to do with a guy, I just go ghost from everyone aside from family if I'm super focused on my career. Not in an unhealthy way. I will quickly respond to people, but keep the conversation short.

I would say thank you. There's nothing wrong with being polite back. ❤

Reply. From what I’ve read, rejection can push them away.

@@Bluepearl187 Okay, thank you.

I'm a recovering fearful avoidant, and I've wanted to be friends with all of my exes. In fact, I wanted whatever I could get out of them without putting a label on it. Hangouts, presents, sex, basically the whole relationship, but if they wanted to call me their girlfriend I was like "BITCH ABSOLUTELY NOT". It took being in their shoes to understand how fucking terrible I was being. I regret it deeply.

It varies for everyone, but focus on your own healing and growth during this time. ❤‍🩹

Hang in there. Take the time to focus on yourself. It will be worthwhile in the end.

Do you always wait for them to contact you or reach out when you have healed. Also what happens if you see them in public?

30 only your ex contacts you. 60 goes losing someone 90 (or more +) well it is time reach out . Who will start? I have reach her out on 125 days on that and giving her space. She reach out again 5 or 12 days or I will.

It takes as long as it takes for you to stop feeling like you desperately need them. If you feel like you're gonna fall at their feet the second they talk to you, you're not ready.

It's giving the relationship the best chance to be rekindled, but not TRYING to get them back. The focus, as she said a couple times, should be on healing yourself, growing awareness around needs/desires/patterns, and what we really seek to experience moving forward so that we can share that with the other person and make improvements for another round if both parties are into it. The funny thing is that the clickbait title of this video is suggestive of manipulation...but ultimately it's a very human compulsion, to want to patch things up with the ex. 🥂🧬🧬🧬💖

I think if no contact is solely used to get your ex back, it's absolutely a form of manipulation. There are many dating coaches who give this toxic advice. However, Thais is pushing to heal yourself in that no contact period so, like the commenter said above, you can come back to each other in a healthier way. Personally, I don't want anyone back based on them essentially craving me or wanting what they can't have so to speak. If we circle back to each other naturally in a more healed state, not out of anxiousness or fear of losing each other, but just good intentions, friendship and love, then I'm open. But if it's used for manipulative purposes, I don't see that relationship lasting.

I don't think even if you do it just to reunite with an avoidant ex that it is manipulative, if by manipulate you mean something devious or to take advantage of. Often they break up with someone they love but their fears force them to flee. Giving them the space for those fears to subside is what they need to understand their fears were unfounded. Giving someone what they need to think clearly doesn't seem like manipulation to me. Having said that, if they are not willing to heal and work hard and try to change it's just going to blow up again so there's no point in it, but manipulation it doesn't seem to be to me.

@@Mudpuppyjunior I think intent is the difference. If they are doing it to give someone space for fears to subside, of course that's not manipulation. But a lot of people are pushing this hard and fast rule to go no contact for a specific period of time in hopes the ex will miss them enough to come back. In that case, I find it manipulative.

But, and I say this from experience, a lot of times they're the same thing. Once they have that space their fears subside and they have the courage to return. If their intent is to get them to miss them and return just to go through the same cycle again they definitely have their own issues. I have given my current DA no-contact space a couple of times precisely so she could get regulated and miss me enough to come back, because she needs a stable patient man to support her. Some might call that manipulative but the trust it built allowed her to start therapy a couple of months ago. So I think we can agree if just getting them back period is the aim, it's a fool's errand whether it's manipulative or not.

I think this works best if you’ve been dating or in a relationship. If you’ve never been in a relationship with this woman, please move on and find someone else. Pretend she doesn’t exist.

​@@cherrellefrye2002I agree. Obviously no one knows the situation from the outside, but it honestly sounds like the glances may have been nothing but someone just looking. I would never think to look this much into something.

@@cherrellefrye2002Well??? Of course I would move on if I had no romantic feelings for this woman. But I do have them. And I see her every day. Kinda impossible to just move on from my feelings for her. I'm trying to attract her not move on. She must also if she can't keep her eyes off of me. All these types of relationship videos are for those who do not want to move on. BTW I do completely ignore her.

No contact won't work unless there were strong feelings between you so that she misses you after you break contact. It sounds like she didn't want more. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just walk up and say "what about it?" If you go down in flames at least you know where you stand.

@@greglavers she has a bf now. Why are you still trying to attract her? Also, aside from some glances, was there anything else that gives you the impression that she's interested?

I have a few AP friends and I've talked to quite a few on here. Believe it or not, they are not as attracted to other AP's as they are avoidants. A lot of them say they have felt smothered by the anxious partner. That's probably why you never read comments from AP's dating AP's. I'd suggest healing the anxious attachment before any type of dating.

@@LeeChrissy I agree they aren’t as attracted. I’ve spent a lot of time weeding out DAs and intentionally seeking APs - it takes conscious effort haha. In fact I JUST ended a 3-4 week relationship with a DA who convinced me to “try anyway” even though I knew from her profile she leaned avoidant. Of course she totally loved me because I was so attentive to her needs, but the first time I asked her to meet MY need for her to be clear about plans for the day she told me I was exhausting and she couldn’t be my emotional support. Normally I would have apologized for having needs, but no longer. So yes, AP-AP relationships are relatively rare because we aren’t magnetically attracted to each other like we are to DAs, but if you do a little digging you’ll find the reason we don’t hear from them in the comments is because of all the “insecure” relationships, they tend to work the best. I’ve been in one relationship with another AP (years ago, before I knew any of this), and it’s easily the one I miss most. We’re still friends today. And sure, I can work on myself to become more secure for the next few years, but why am I doing that? So I can be slightly less annoying to a DA who won’t appreciate me anyway? Nah, I’m good :)

@@LeeChrissy The main reason we never see comments from APs dating other APs is because of all the "insecure" relationships, they are the ones that work best, and don't generally need relationship advice. Don't take my word for it though - ask Thais if she agrees. The biggest problem with AP-AP relationships is they tend to ignore outside relationships because they meet each others' needs so well. That said, I do agree APs aren't as attracted to me - at least not in the way I seem to attract DAs like magnets. I confess I actually JUST ended a 3-4 week relationship with a DA who convinced me to "try anyway" even though I could tell from her dating profile she was avoidant. Of course she absolutely loved me because I was super attentive to her needs, but the moment I asked her to meet MY need for a clear plan on a random Tuesday we were supposed to see each other, her reaction was to tell me I was too needy and she couldn't emotionally support me. Yup. Younger me would have apologized for having needs, but 'today me' thanked her for her time and bowed out gracefully. Unsurprisingly, she didn't even seek to understand WHY - she only wanted to talk about how disappointed she was. And yes, I agree doing more years of therapy would help me heal even more from my anxious wounds, but to what end? So I can be slightly less annoying to the next DA? Nah, I'm good. I have had one relationship with an AP (years ago, before I knew about attachment theory), and it's by far the one I miss most. Yes, there was some smothering from her, but now that I understand what it represents and the benefits that come along with it, it's exactly what I'm looking for. Good luck! :)

​@@truthsmiles I would say heal your anxious attachment for yourself, not so much anyone else. I used to be a FA and now test secure after a ton of work and I feel so much better in ALL areas in life, not necessarily just romantic partnerships. Regulating the nervous system is a game changer. On a personal level though, I DO want to show up as my best self in relationships. I honestly feel like there are far more insecure people than secure so there's a significant chance I will once again attract myself to someone in need of healing. I look at it a little differently now though. I empathize more with DA's and even AP's. DA/SA and I meet each other's needs more than an AP would and that's solely because I need a lot of space and my calender is essentially full. It's very hard for me to make plans and date and AP's need more reassurance. I only know one AP couple and they do get along great although they are extremely codependent on each other and it sometimes bothers my friend. Every other long-term relationship or marriage I know the couples definitely seem secure. I think the most important thing is dating we're compatible with. I feel like we know who will be a good fit and who won't pretty early on, but that pesky "potential" thought keeps people in situations way longer than they should.

​@LeeChrissy I find this to be true. I'm AP and don't find an AP dating site appealing

Check "Coach Ryan" and "avoidant discard". A normal healthy person will not disappear for months after an argument - a non-traumatized healthily attached person will disappear for a two-hour walk, and then come back and discuss the matter. If your ex partner is too traumatized and avoidant, you cannot do anything, no amount of no contact or love or understanding will fix him. Heal yourself, learn, and find someone stable and supportive!

Hang in there! Two months is a long time, but sometimes a break is just what's needed. ❤

​@@thiacarihmm I don't know. Coach Ryan seems to solely focus on avoidants and does not suggest anxious leaning people to do any work on their end telling them they do absolutely nothing wrong. That's not really helpful. His comment sections are filled with anxious people thinking they are the "healthy" one out of the two attachments and assuming they are self-reflecting and willing to do the work on themselves more so than avoidants which is categorically untrue. Even in Thais's PDS, DA's complete more courses than any other attachment style. Coach Ryan appears to feed the anxious people with what they want to hear which is avoidant = bad, anxious = good. I'm not sure if he had a bad run in with an avoidant woman at one point in his life or knows that he'll make more money because anxious leaning people are all over these videos searching for answers and validation, but he is not the one I would personally recommend.

Check with love with lucia, she works with each attachment style and solving any issues with comes in dating. Yes, she has videos of no contact for your exes and short term.

I appreciate the feedback. I’m a male and my ex girlfriend left me back in November after a short term relationship. We progressed at a fast pace that wasn’t forced but still fast. A situation happened that she felt defensive over yet wouldn’t communicate with me about to try to fix it. She left me days after that but still wanted to hang out and do stuff together while she tried to heal on her own. I tried to gain better understanding and was still left wondering about some things because her ex that sent her into depression had popped up outta nowhere before the incident where she got real defensive. I tried to prove to her it was miscommunication but she said she mentally took herself out because so much in her life was going on. I tried to let her know I’m there no matter what and apologized for anything I’ve done. After that she started going hot and cold on me pretty bad to the point I just fell back. She started being flirty again with me mid December and seemed she was interested again but I made sure not to push for anything. Just wanted to enjoy the talk and let her pursue more. She even wanted to go on dates again and hang out. Christmas Eve came and I had to hit the road but left some snacks in her mailbox from my job as a kind gesture knowing she’s into Christmas but I’m not. I let her know but she got upset and said I was just trying to find a reason to come to her place. I had never gone there to see her during our time broken up to talk or get her back but instead let her be. She seemed fine after I told her I did it just as a friend but then later that night after we talked and flirted on FaceTime the last 2 min of the call she snapped on me for those snacks and hung up in my face while she had been drinking. Tried to talk but she ignored me. Received more hot and cold the next couple days before she ultimately just went cold job me and said leave her alone the beginning of January. I left her alone like she asked and then she called trying to meet saying I had her daughter’s game. I told her I’ll meet with her later and she said no rush just whenever I have time then said she would let me go so she isn’t disturbing me anymore. I reached out the next Tuesday where she said we could meet on Wednesday after she got off. I never heard back then reached out the next Friday. She was responding that day until I asked to meet to give her game back and to get my stuff back. I barely reached out yet still got ghosted knowing she has my stuff. After that I asked if she wanted to grab some food to change my approach for getting my stuff and she tried to get on me for the snacks at her place but then said she would let me know when she’s free when she got to work. Never heard back and then days later on Valentine’s Day I asked if we just are completely done for clarification to move on which led to an argument because I was annoyed with getting blamed for everything yet she claimed she did nothing wrong. Then it ended with her saying I’m blocked and lost access to her. Also said she would send someone to drop my stuff off to my house. I haven’t bothered to reach out at all but I still care.

NO CONTACT… NONE. Leave them alone!

She didn't suggest anyone would heal a core wound in 30-45 days. She said work on yourself and after that time frame they have usually processed what happened and their emotions and might be open to resuming a relationship or at least testing the waters and discussing how not to repeat the same mistakes if you do resume.

@@Mudpuppyjunior I spoke respectfully in regards to this subject and to the creator of this video. I’m not sure who you are but I beg to differ and suggest you listen to this and many other videos here. I would also suggest to you the same mistakes will resume if not healed and psssst it cannot be healed in 30-45 days. Good luck on your journey of healing