The capacity to emotionally digest these situations is something that cannot be taught or trained for. This memory is going to be reoccurring, finding its way into your thoughts during the most unexpected and inappropriate times. The infant was beyond help when you arrived and if there was a chance at revival it probably would have had severe brain damage at that point and would never have lived a quality life. The situation is beyond sad because it's much like when a window gets broken, that broken glass just cant be put back together. Compounded with everyone around looking at you as the last and only chance and you're hoping you can somehow be that miracle for the child to live, yet knowing the damage has been done has got to be incredibly devastating. It's my personal hope that you allow yourself to draw strength and emotional resilience from this situation. You're a good American sir, better than I, and from where I sit, I salute you and your department.

I'll never forget my police explorer post leader telling a similar story, people don't see this side of law enforcement. May you find peace.

Thank you for sharing. 😢

Great job you guys telling youre story

Macho Man said it best "It's OK for macho men to show every emotion available. I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more. I've soared with the eagles, I've slithered with the snakes and I've been everywhere in between. Understand this: Nobody likes a quitter. Nobody said life was easy. So, if you get knocked down, take the standing eight count, get back up and fight again!" You have strength beyond measure sir to keep putting on that badge that few know what we deal with. I hope you keep doing so because you are heroes we need in this world.

I'm sorry you had to endure that. It seems like a kind of grief that sets in; a hole that's been dug but that can't be filled back in. The best we can do is plant a garden around it, tend to it and let time do it's thing. Thank you for putting yourself out there, both then and now.

A supervisor who had been there 20 years already told me exactly this, from 10-8 to 10-7 that shift, that uniform is your sheild from everything. Let the uniform get dirty, let the uniform wear it all for u and when u are done for that day, u are just u again. Think superman 🦸‍♂️, vs Clark Kent. Thats the only way u work this job is to leave it with your uniform. Your cape.