1. Oh, absolutely they smirk when they see they've upset you by their words or actions. 2. That self-satisfied smug look on their face when they think they've gotten one over on you. 3. Their over-acting reaction of bewilderment when they are caught lying or doing something underhanded, and then if you call them out on it they go into a rage in an attempt to shut you down. 4. When they think they didn't get enough praise or thanks for something they've done for you or given you, they then accuse you of being ungrateful. 5. Not listening/hearing you. They literally are not interested in what you have to say unless it has to do with them. 6. They have no normal sense of humor. Their idea of humor is laughing at the misfortune or pain of others. 7. "Crocodile tears".

Or I'll be in the middle of saying something and they'll get their mobile phone out, stare fixatedly at the screen, and say I'm listening carry on and they're texting!! I just shut up. And that smirk.

They won't stand still to listen to you. They are walking away as you speak and you end up talking to their back. They are alway's "too busy' to listen to you. They let you know you are not a priority.

The main thing about narcissists is they are not genuine. They're always faking it.

1. Little eye contact, 2. Hard glare, 3. Seductive, 4. Micro closures of eye - lying/insincere, 5. Over-smile, 6. Stiff movement/Expressionless, 7. Palm down handshake - power move, 8.Limp fish handshake - disinterest, 9. Outlandish dress - craving admiration. 10. The car people drive - status. 11. How they treat service people- disdain, 12. Incongruous emotional responses - lack of empathy. 13. Hijack discussions, 14. Unsolicited advice, 15. Tense - easily annoyed. 16. Checking cellphone while you talk. Generally, need for dominance, control, entitled, defensive - it's all about me, I don't care about you. Listen to your gut.

I have seen the terrifying Narcissist stare.

Another one is when you're having a conversation with someone face to face and they just walk away while you're talking with them. They're done saying what they wanted to say and you're just not important enough to listen to.

In my experience with the narcissists in my life, non-verbal cues were almost all I had to go on. In a culture where “niceness” was imperative, they were extremely covert, but their true selves leaked out without a harsh word being spoken. It’s crazy-making and isolating because it’s hard to explain to anyone else. Words are much clearer evidence of abuse, for sure. Thank you, Dr Carter. 💜

So spot on. I have gotten to the point where I don't even bother. There is no getting through some people. The bottom line is they just don't care.

The side eye - usually when they are mad at you but still want to know what you are doing and keeping tabs on you.

When I met my ex on a blind date he was standing against his car staring into the distance when I pulled up. I remember thinking he looked bored. On the date he never looked at me, his gaze was always on something outside the window. If he did smile it wasn't at me but at something going on outside. When we left the restaurant he forcibly kissed me which I wasn't expecting as I thought he didn't like me. This happened twenty years ago and I spent ten years with that guy, the relationship was very controlling and manipulative. He estranged me from friends and family, left me almost penniless and I needed years of therapy after I left. Those first non verbal cues on our first date were a huge red flag if only I knew back then. Thank you Dr Carter for all you do and greetings from Wales UK. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

A few guesses: 1. Cold staring alternates with avoiding eye contact. 2. Contemptuous tone of voice, often phoney nasal. 3. Smirking. (I agree with She McGee!) 4. Pointing out to their target complete strangers in public and making judgemental comments and comparisons. 5. Doing things to control public space. 6. Disgusted and "superior" facial expression is one of their go-to looks. 7. Overhelping to the point of being awkward or intrusive. 8. Just finding any excuse to be where they don't need to be. 8. Handling your belongings or you in order to "help." These guesses overlap into criminal behavior.

Anyone here familiar with the tight- lipped fake smile after you express a thought or share an emotion with a narcissist?

I've been going on job interviews lately. It's amazing to see how people behave when they feel that they have you in a power situation such as an interview. I have experience interviewing people and my style is super relaxed because I really want to get to know someone's personality and see if they are a good fit. I treat them like adults and respect their time. I am actually amused by how some of these people conduct their interviews. Some do not even show up and send a representative to conduct the interview. I have had it where I have that first interview and it goes very well. I get screened for a second and then actually meet the boss. Oh boy! Red flags galore. Sometimes their behavior is dismissive. They allow constant interruptions during the interview. Very little eye contact. I observe the way that they are treating their staff. Are the employees nervous around them? A bad boss never thinks that I too am screening them to see if it's someone that I want to work for. They think that they are blessing me with their presence. 🙄 Fortunately I have the luxury of taking my time in finding a new job.

So many subtle signs of narcissistic abuse. Frustrating how others do not pick up on it. I constantly live in a world of " I saw that, but no one else does". Ugh.....

Also, they grunt or say ,”hey” rather than address you by name. They don’t use your name when they speak with you because that would be an admission that you are an individual who deserves a decent response. This was how my ex was. In 20 years of marriage he never used my name. ( also no terms like dear or darling). He would grunt or say “hey”. He even refused to call the family pets by name because they were pets that I had adopted-making them “mine”. The only person or thing in the family that “deserved” to have a name was the narc!!

“Actions speak louder than words” is a phrase lost on a narcissist. I really hate the smirk when they think someone is stupid. Or the silent mouthy behavior when someone else is talking and they don’t like what the other person has to say. Or the scowl. Ugh, i really hate the scowl as though whatever you’re saying makes absolutely no sense to them but you know good and well you’re making perfect sense. Edited to include the “humph” when they think you’re being absurd. Or OH! When they (especially women) look you literally up and down the first time you meet before the introduction has even been made! That one really makes me want to vomit just a little. And then other times it’s the LACK OF nonverbal cues that gives them away. Not looking someone in the eyes while the other person is talking is the one i hate the most. I use to teach elementary students and i always taught them we listen with our EYES. Our ears naturally hear but a person knows they have our attention with respect when we look at them while their talking. Narcissists have no common courtesy whatsoever when it comes to body language.

My spouse does the “hard mean glare” a lot. The harsh criticism comes next. The accusation of how totally wrong I am is the conclusion. The ensuing argument becomes about how wrong I am until I cave in and just shut my mouth. The next minute he’s as nice as pie. I used to think it was me, I’m insane, but now I finally know better. I’m grateful for these videos.

Eye contact, especially prolonged one, is always a gesture of aggressiveness or challenge. Always. Animals never do that in friendly interactions, it means impending attack, it means assessing someone right before striking.

One of the things the narc Im dealing with at work does is hum very loudly as he is being hostile with inanimate objects, ie snatching, slamming things around, being unnecessarily forceful. It’s a clear sign he is about to have a tantrum..

Narcs act as sweet as pie at first and to acquaintance. it is very hard to tell.

One curious thing I noticed about two narcs I was involved with is that they would walk several steps ahead of me in public. I always take reasonable care with my appearance so I don't think that was it. It got so annoying with one of them that I purposely started disappearing into stores and letting him try to catch up with me if he could. Of course he complained bitterly about that.

My parent’s and grandmother’s over smile is always super creepy because it never reaches the eyes!! The eyes are dead, predatorial, and glassy. So the over smile is nothing but a baring of teeth. It doesn’t look or feel like a smile at all.

I've learnt to trust my gut feeling with people, it's never wrong, when something is off I can sense it, members of my family are constantly testing me with passive aggressively ignoring me, they constantly give me bad and unwanted advice, even when you don't ask for it.

In my experience with Narcissistic people I have found that much more is said without a word being spoken. Actions speak louder than words for sure too. Just pay attention to what is not being said and learn to read between lines on words that are said to you.

I have also encountered this in which a friend or family member would roll their eyes or make a grunting sound as though in disapproval. Without any strong gestures there were facial expressions and head movements that demean. I have learned that only 7% of communication is words, and 93% is non-verbal. Part of the reason for these non-verbal expressions it to be able to deny it because we cannot prove it. I also think other reasons are that the person expressing themselves non-verbally doesn't even know their feelings are leaking out through their face or head movements.

My biological father is a narcissist and verbally abusive. He could reduce me to tears with a look. I used to lay in bed at night until he got home at midnight because I could tell by his footfalls what sort of mood he was in. How he felt when he got home determined how my morning was going to be the next day.

The narcissist in my life often makes expressions that look completely unnatural ...fake expressions. "Working too hard" is a good description!

My ex and his sister used to communicate by eyes, every time she visited I would be so welcoming and loud while she would just sit there gazing past me, and, my husband's mood would turn bad especially after she leaves our house. It wasn't until later that I discovered their eyes communication, like she would gaze at him, then on the new decoration on the table, or the dishes in the sink, then she would turn her head to the wall, or put her head down. Gosh I used to feel suffocated and awkward questioning myself wondering why am I feeling these bad vibes when she,'s around? and why does my husband pick a fight and humiliate me after she had visited, so painful and toxic indeed!... thank you Dr. Carter for shedding light on this form of passive agressive communication ❤ Once I was telling her something that hapoened with me and as usual she was looking at the windows and at my husband, so in the middle of my story I just stopped and neither she nor my narc husband noticed that I did not finish the story ... oh my God how i felt erased with him and his entire narcissistic family... Thank God I'm over them.

Where were you 43 years ago?! It would have saved me YEARS of grief. I appreciate having this information now as I move forward. Thank you.

Someone I know walked away while I was in the middle of talking twice. They never got the 3rd opportunity.

I've experienced the non-verbal of him taking my stuff and breaking it, losing it, not locking it. General carelessness.

Mine use to say, look me in the eyes when you lie to me. I started thinking is that what you do to me.

So incredibly depressing.. Traumatized by the micro levels of ignoring behavior I've seen in my life.. 💔😒

The top of this list would be the "silent treatment" or the "weaponizing of non-verbal communication". Ghosting is the digital age definition of course; you know - when you text someone and they deliberately do not bother to text back for days or not at all? Yep, that's a severe narcissistic trait that is non-verbal but says everything you need to know about that person. 🙏🌹

I tried to explain to a father about his son. He was doing all this and more to me, and he still is. His father got mad and said, “ oh he’s not doing anything”! no not out loud, but he sure is doing something.

Loyalty shows up LOUD & CLEAR.

If I would have listened to what my gut was telling me, I would never have married my narc husband (now deceased). The kicker is I didn’t understand that he was a narc until after he passed. It explained so much. But one thing I noticed was anytime a photograph was being taken, he looked off into the distance with absolutely zero expression in his eyes, like he was totally without a soul! If eyes truly are windows to the soul, you can see the emptiness.

I have a hard time with eye contact but it's because I'm autistic. Eye contact is uncomfortable for me for some reason. I also have a hard time with non-verbal cues and my narc husband uses that against me to convince me that my gut (and logic) are wrong - only to find out later that they were spot on!

Eye rolling, tongue clicking, almost stomping while walking, quick twist of the head, slamming objects around.

This is a slippery slope. As an autistic person, about half (if not more) of the body language/social cue points apply to me, but for very different reasons. It's important to remember "wholeistic" approach because non-verbal cues by themselves can have very many explanations.

Receiving the predatory stink eye is always chilling.

The president of the small company I work for is a narcissist by no doubt. His moody behavior, sarcastic and condescending remarks, hateful attitude. I make it a point to avoid him and not speak to him unless I have to. A very toxic person that creates a toxic work atmosphere. When he's on vacation the whole place runs more pleasantly.

Yep, Dr. C. ...... *Blank stare, Look right through beyond your face & Anger stare or just looks down if sitting, Mercy 😔

I had noticed with my father that the level of excitement in my voice while telling him a story of what his grandson did in school, was directly related to how long it took for him to turn his head and start watching tv while I was telling him! A bland story, he would pretend to listen to me for 10 seconds while he tried to gauge my level of delight; very excited, and he took a long drag off his cigarette and turned his head within 3 seconds to start watching TV. If I stopped talking, a minute later he would turn back and look at me and say "Did you say something?" If I started telling another story, or answer one of his questions, again, he would just slowly turn his head and face the TV again and pretend I wasn't there speaking to him. He was so nasty. Back then, I thought this was typical grandfather behavior. Another decade and I had his number. Just nasty.

Omg! I call the seductive eye thing “the sparkle ✨ “ It’s like you’re not looking at ME, you’re fantasizing about what you can get from me. I’ve mostly experienced it in the office. New boss sees a new shiny BIPOC to add to their roster and holy hell, let the eye effing begin

Don't forget the vividly shifty eyes when telling you a lie...lol Thank you Dr. Carter!! On point as usual!!

Behavior is Communication

Im afraid of the constant smiling people and hopelessly happy people. My Aunt was this kind of person. My Mother and her sister would make fun of her. I was confused as a child as to why they would make fun of anyone! Yep I was raised by insecure people. Anyway, I discovered the my Aunt had alot of responsibility as the only woman in the family trying to live a Christian life. My Aunt was always so loving towards me. She never changed her behavior toward me. I went through a Punk/ Gothic stage and my Aunt was they only one that was steadily loving towards me. I often told her that I wish she were my mother. Which is odd because I hated authority but she ran a strict household with limits and boundaries. I didn't put it together back then but now I see that I was craving her love in the form of discipline. So I guess my point is that my Aunt was probably smiling because she was nervous around my mother and her sister because she could feel their judgment against her. These micro cues can mean many different things. You have to know just what the environment is when these cues are happening. Anyway, I LOVE YOU ❤️ AUNT CAROL! Thanks Dr. C Dignity Respect Civility 🙏

Love this! Every time a narc’s response doesn’t fit the communication, I start smiling and counting how high their count will go! Grey Rock! Their problem not mine. 🤣🤣🤣

I am not sure about the no eye contact one. I avoided eye contact with my abusive alcoholic parents growing up because looking at them was always a mistake. They would focus on me and take their anger out on me if they catch me looking at them. It made me an instant target. So now as an adult, I avoid long eye contact as much as possible unless I completely trust you.

I had a step daughter that would just STAND and stare and blink her eyes. She NEVER initiated a conversation and was just an extremely self involved individual. It wasn't until I ACTUALLY went somewhere with her where she smiled and giggled and conversed WITH OTHERS that I noticed she was just being a ROTTEN BRAT with ME!

When my absence means nothing my presence means nothing as well. They’re just being themselves so, I shouldn’t be shocked or surprised

My narc hardly speaks to me. He comes home, takes off his shoes, walks right by me into the TV room without a look or a acknowledgment. I was sick, stayed home in my room for 3 days....really sick, and he did not even check on me! I'm almost past the complete heartache 💔 of being discarded. I've suffered his mental illness for way too long.....i see it all so clearly today. I pray for strength and I am so grateful for Dr. C.

The intrusive behaviour is a red flag. Physical boundaries are not respected. My favourite example comes from dad's funeral. I've shared it before, but I'm happy to share again. Me and my sibling were standing by the coffin, just the two of us. Lots of floor space of course. We were talking. She stood so close, her shoes were actually gnawing on my shoes. She almost stepoed on my toes. This intrusive, aggressive behaviour is nothing new. She has always been like this.

I've experienced that no eye contact and no emotional response towards me but he had a full range of emotional expression towards his friends and coworkers.

The smirk with a chuckle really gets to me. It’s so invalidating and disrespectful… and hurtful

They always try to be the centre of attention and try to obstruct any situation or subjects which gives importance to some other person ....they cannot bear avoidance

Holy macreal Dr.C, my narcissist exhibits every single cue u talked about. Wowza, I continue to learn Soo much from you. I'm Sooo grateful for all you do for us. It means the world to me to finally understand what Ive been dealing with and to know I'm not alone in my struggle to heal. Forever grateful ❤️

Ive learned to MIRROR him in all he does and he hates it. 😆😆😆😆also taught my kids about narcs and now they are not confused or able to be manipulated by him. I had to take bk my identity and teaching my kids how to not be a sheep.

Discharging a deadly weapon in a residential subdivision belongs on this list.

11 DAY tantrum about buying a car way out of our price range...because they were entitled to it. Also watching them explain to my Mom who was a CPA her whole career, how they avoided taxes. Couldn't roll my eyes harder

I have to remind myself all the time that no response is a response. It's a passive aggressive power play. When you ask a question and get no response or only a look, that is a response.

It's very true. Represented in a hilarious way but provides deep insights. E.g he may keep on looking at his phone when you are talking. But when you are working or focussing on something, he will stare ,like in a very cold frozen investigative look

I've mentioned this before on other videos, however, both of my adult children are text book narcissists! I don't need a psycho therapist to confirm. I've only seen my oldest once in more than 5 years! She hasn't answered my more than 100 phone calls or returned them or my messages- even on holidays etc. She hasn't called me on mother's day or my birthday or holidays in probably 15+ years. I have reached out by phone, messages, social media etc on her birthday to no avail, no response but she will response to her brother (my son) her father & stepmother! That hurts the most. I raised my children by myself for over 20 with no coparenting from their father or anyone else- & im saying this only as a matter of fact. My children when they were teens through young adults used to say "I'm angry with dad", "he pays no attention to us or spend time with us" etc. Once I became disabled after back injury & back surgery & was forced to stop working, they immediately started alienating me, smearing my name & reputation to everyone in family including my ex husband, stepmother and ex in laws. None of them talk to me anymore because my children are telling people that im a lazy b**ch, there's nothing wrong with me, etc. My daughter git married right before Xmas & I never knew she was engaged until I received an invitation in the mail! Everyone else knew though... how about that. You would think she would've called me, her mother to tell me she just got engaged & share the good news with me but no. I was living with my narcissistic son for 2 years until 2 months ago. He just packed his bags & walked out the door & as usual, didn't have the common courtesy to tell me where he was going (for few years now it's been lying by omission & blatantly keeping secrets from me or using the same excuse "oh I thought you knew"). OK so this was in November right before my daughter's wedding. I didn't find out until 2 weeks later when I saw a post on social media from my daughter "oh, I had a great bridal shower" omg, I was livid to say the least, that was the last straw for me & knew it was time to break all contact from her! So what I'm trying to say is my son left fir the weekend, going home to our homestate where we are from, intentionally keeping it me, for my daughter's bridal shower!! Un believable that my own daughter intentionally did not invite her mom to her bridal shower & both of my children kept me from it!! I cried for days seriously. And then I found out that my daughter had gone to her stepmother from the beginning & telling everyone that she is "mother of the bride"! Her stepmother went beyond overstepping boundaries & proceeded to act as mother of the bride. My daughter, as you would expect, didn't acknowledge me, her mother or include me on any of wedding planning. And she calls her father (my ex husband) & her stepmother her "parents". Her parents are me & her father. Anyhow, as I stated before , I lived with my son for last 2 years. Nothing but abuse. Mentally, emotionally, verbally. He kept me isolatedi. His home, ignored me daily, would yell at me just trying to talk to him, was traumatized. I've been going through excruciating physical pain. Kept asking my son to bring me to hospital & he refused to take time off work or let me use his car, or provide Uber ride, or bring me after work or time off work. So I sat there in his home for 2 years barely ever seeing the outside, but I was expected to take care of my 6 yo grandson & clean his house etc all while being in pain & needing medical care. So I looked for a DV shelter to go to ended up in one other shelter just overnight. Sadly, an ambulance was called for me the very next morning. Ended up being admitted for kidney disease caused by numerous kidney stones. One was so large it was blocking my ureter creating chronic infection & then was told that my kidney needed to be removed! I have been on hospital & now rehab for 8 weeks now. Neither of my children have contacted me or come to see me. And point being, if my son took even a couple hours out of his precious life to bring me to hospital I may have been able to prevent having my right kidney removed. Can you imagine being treated this way? Has ir are anyone going through this? I keep crying, trying to understand why. I didn't raise my children like this. I'm also an Empath which as most people know, narcissists & Empaths are oil & water, any relationship with a narcissist is toxic. And BTW, my ex-husband & all ex inlaws are narcissistic as well. So they are sucking in & believing every smear that my children are dishing out to them. So sad. And I haven't spoken to any of them I'm years, none of them have reached out to me but they believe that they know more about what is going on with me than I do!

This explains why my sister was looking "at" me in what felt strange to me on Christmas day. She really was avoiding looking at me at all. Her eyes shifted around and she sounded the same way in her words. My mother was talking to my older sister on the facetime portal and I got on to say hello. It felt really strange the way she shifted her eyes around not looking at me and the same with her words. My older sister is a narcissist. That was her nonverbal cues that she wasn't interested in talking with me.

My ex narc would grab the sides of his head with each hand, then lower his head in frustration with me when I asked a question to clarify something he said that didn’t make sense…his “word salad”. So glad I never have to see that odd sight again.

be mindful of INTENT/MOTIVE behind odd behaviors because some autistic traits may be misinterpreted as narcissistic 🖤

Before I had knowledge on narcissism but observed the weird behaviours when he raised his voice to shut me out, I raised my pitch, he raised his, I raised mine…eventually we could not hear ourselves. I was like this is just weird….he just kept getting louder. I was curious and could not fathom it at all, I just thought it reminded me of a child’s behaviour. Totally fascinating but damn, it’s been a life scratching my head and observing and trying to work the behaviours out. I thought autism, avoidant personality but had no knowledge of NPD 😬

Thank you Dr. Carter. This video really validates the in laws and extended family. I found it so odd.. they would change the subject 🙄 back about themselves, roll their eyes behind a sibling back, walk away when a conversation was initiated (even a light hearted conversation) all really 😕 confusing as I did not grow up with a family like this. Now I see it (slow albeit 15 years) and choose to stay away from them as much as possible and focus on the positive people who enjoy just being ❤️ together.

add this gesture - answering you while twiddling their hair. worrying about the split-ends on their hair is obviously more important than respectfully responding to you.

I think I got this, or I may be way off of what dr C is thinking! 1) the "duper's delight" SMIRK 2) eye rolling - sure we all do eye rolls sometimes to truly ridiculous things, but narcs do it when you express FEELINGS 3) walking away from you, mid-sentence/conversation/argument 4) high-frequency, highly posed and practised social media "selfies" 5) intimidating/threatening use of hand-waving/aggressive hand gestures 6) control control control 7) obsessiveness 8) dressing to attract attention including jewellery 9) frequent use of mirrors/reflective windows and admiring of self in them - typical narcissus stuff, adoring self 10) excessive bragging and comparing ....possibly more to come!

Team Healthy, great and positive term. Please keep talking Dr. Carter!

All of this, but OMG, the unsolicited advice! My narc once said "You're really difficult to help". When I had the temerity to tell him he needed to learn the difference between helping and interfering he lost his shit on me.

I have a hard time with eye-contact. Especially if someone is really confident. I feel really self-conscious. I need to work on it

They over smile because they want you to shut up they don't want to hear what you say they don't care.

Combos are available too: Eyeroll (="You are SUCH an idiot") + disgusted smirk (= hostile contempt) + head shake (="do you actually think I give a crap?") + exasperated sigh (="there you go again, wasting my all-important time. [But it did give me another opportunity to demonstrate how much I despise you, which is always good.]")

My narcissistic ex-boyfriend was an oversmiler he did it so many times he looked like the Grinch.

Narcs are able to fake hugs, even kisses! My current narcs do that everyday. They tell me they care, nothing far from the truth!

Helpful post as always, Dr. Carter, I'm grateful for your work. Listening to "gut instinct" is listening to God, one should ALWAYS do that, the truth is already within us.

Spot on. How about dead eyes. They never belly laugh, run, curl up on the sofa, smile broadly but the eyes don't move. Never ever say sorry or show that they are. I think they are quite thick actually.

Dr. C have you done a video on mirroring? A dark tetrad person would imitate everything about me, then lie about it, and attack me if I tried to have a boundry. It was disturbing to say the least. No part of my life was out of bounds for this person's vampiric parasitism. Thanks a bunch Your work has helped me tremendously

I've wasted most of my life with a person that is a classic narc. Very cruel over the years. I used to feel sorry for him. Now I just don't care and simply disengage to all his BS. I look forward to the day when I am ok. My biggest fear is I will become like him. Thank you for your help,

Yes, that smiling or laughing at totally inappropriate times!

I am paying my way through psychology school by being a server (waitress). It can be horrible, but I try to take consolation that it’s a great environment to view these behaviours!

I’m amazed how every video is an accurate description of my mother

The smirk…or the grumpy closed expression…ugh..

Raising their hand to dismiss you as soon as you start speaking

I would like to add this. Watch how they look at strangers. I describe it as that overly friendly behavior. Catching everyone's eye as they walk by. In the past I thought he was just friendly to strangers, which is ok.....but what he does feels creepy to me. It is hard to explain.

Facial expressions: My narc "learned" he wasn't supposed to talk about my weight. But he can't keep it in. If he sees me eating something " I shouldn't" the look of disgust screams at me.

If you listen to what is said people will tell you what they really think and their intent...narcissists can't help bragging about how wonderful they are..and they will repeatedly tell you how they deserve your respect..no matter how they treat you

Though, sometimes introverts and often autistic people don't feel comfortable looking people in the eyes much either. I have learned to force myself to do it so people don't think I'm dishonest. But just an introvert.

My ex would never lie outright (if he tried, the colour would drain from his face), but he would be selective and creative with the truth. And whenever he was about to do that, he'd clear his throat. He was buying himself time to figure out what he was going to say and not say, and how he was going to frame what he did say, so that if I ever came back and said "but you told me," he could honestly respond "I didn't say that."

I couldn’t help but laugh a lot while watching this video as I had so many flashbacks of my Narc’s personality disorder moments as you demonstrated them. It’s funny now, but genuinely it breaks my heart and was super irritating while it was happening. Someone her age should have a personality, or rather; a much better & healthier one. Here I am, on my knees praying for her doc, and much of that is thanks to you helping me purge much of the anger I had towards her for being so ‘different’ and extremely insensitive. I started mirroring her insensitivity back to her - and realized that is NOT who I truly am at all. Thank you so much doc, I’m speechless because I never knew a person could grow so much, so quickly, when the desire is there and the right mentor is a kindred spirit you wish you always had on your shoulder. You’ve done more than you could possibly imagine for me. Truly.

Visibly squirming, distractedness, dismissing and brushing it away when you share a story that is emotionally relevant to you - this to me is a very strong tell. I have an NPD friend who's trying to cure this trait because it's such a giveaway for coverts, who are already very good at pretending to care.😄 What should Team Healthy do when faced with such narcissistic behaviors?

I work for a narcissistic pastor as his secretary. If you could only imagine. Good thing is he likes to go into his office and close the door a lot.

So true. Yes , hand shakes tell a lot. Or the way they pretend like they are hugging you so on..

Eye-rolling, supercilious shoulder shrugging, sighing etc etc.

This same boss gaslighted me behind my back so viciously that when it came time for a staff meeting, she pretended to hide behind another male doctor putting on a show like she was afraid of me and needed protection of a male (playing victim). These two sat there looking at me because I sat directly across from them when I walked into the meeting. I just remained relaxed and quiet and oblivious to what I was seeing. Everyone else in the room was watching very intensely for any flicker from me. I remained oblivious. The boss and the male doctor got up and cancelled the meeting after just 5 minutes. Shortest staff meeting ever!

YesI have recently seen the over smiler. At the end, the female Narcissist had no expression. I'm so relieved I got away. I have seen the outlandish clothing person. The car people drive. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. How do individuals treat service people. No kidding. I dismissed a certain guy after he was mad at our young waitress. He was not behaving in consideration of the youthful waitress. Oh yes interrupted me constantly, unsolicited advice, very tense and totally wanting control. Chronically tardy. Yes. These persons are communicating constantly and we need to see Just How They Try To Shape Everything. I'm so tired.