"non-binary people are valid" only bothers me after "trans men are men. trans women are women". it feels very performative. it's like the cis person is like: "i haven't forgotten about your existence, you're welcome". it's always last because we aren't to be the main group advocated for by those cis alliesTM. anyway, for any binary person who needs to hear this: you're valid. i accept your choice to be like that.

"Valid" is pretty much the equivalent of people saying they are "tolerant" of people who are different than them. it's below the bare minimum and I'm gonna ask for a lot more for myself than that

THANK YOU. the "non binary ppl are valid" at the end feels very infantilizing to me.. it feels like someone is kneeling down to get on my level and telling me "don't worry your gender is okay too" and like yeah i know that.. it's like they are trying to reassure me about something i don't need reassurance about.

Can we replace the word valid with valued please? Everyone should be valued

I've always felt weird about that, but I didn't really know how to explain it until now, so thank you

Honestly I like being called valid because I'm in a place in my transition where I kinda need that kind of validation.

"so are you a man or a woman?" I'm valid

as a CiS person, the vibe i get from "x is valid" is something similar to how black people feel when we talk about 'tolerance'. like, we don't want you to tolerate us. we want to be seen and treated as full, dignified, valuable people. it seems kind of infantilising that people feel the need to let you know that your existence is okay, as though it wouldn't be without their validation

THANK YOU because this drives me NUTS and makes me so uncomfortable. Just say non binary people are non binary please.. it comes from a good place but it makes me feel extremely othered.

GOD being called "valid" makes me feel weird, even tho it's coming from a supportive place, it's weird saying "nonbinary is valid" instead of "nonbinary is nonbinary" I'm a masc NB guy and I am a man but ALSO nb and it's just?? Weird. It makes me feel like an add on? Like trans men are men but nonbinary is valid too, and it just rubs me wrong

I don’t like being called valid either because of how often it’s used in a condescending context, like “oh you’re valid! just not lgbt :)” or “your feelings are valid but you’re not actually [insert lesser known label] you are [insert any of the first four letters of the acronym]”

oh my gosg yes tge amount of posts ive seen from people saying "valid" it's always been so frustrating to me even before i realised i was enby. just the word "valid" alone makes me feel *ehhh*. but like just once, just this ONE TIME i saw this person's tiktok post that was them criticizing halfassed statements like that and ended the post with "trans men are men, trans women are women, nonbinary are NONBINARY" and the sigh of relief that came out of me i cannot explain to you

non-binary is POGGERS

When ppl say things like, 'ladies, gentlemen and nonbinary pals' I get a very similar feeling, like I'm being tacked on at the end. A, 'oh yeah and you, I guess.' It would be just so much better and more inclusive to say 'hey folks' or 'hey comrades'--like you do! My personal favourite is 'friends, Romans and countrymen' since it still follows the rule of three but is *just* chaotic enough to throw ppl off a bit lol. Btw, ik you already know this but the makeup looks ✨stunning✨

"an apple is a fruit, jeff bezos is corrupt, we should guilliottine rich people, and trans men are men." is gonna be how i want ALL of those posts to be phrased from now on.

now that i'm thinking about it, "valid" is a weird word. when somebody calls me valid, i just _know_ they call trans men their uwu smol space beans and at the same time villianize / demonize trans women. like i know exactly what type of posts you reblog on tumblr lol

I didn't even realize why those types of posts bothered me but you put it into words

here’s my take on it: i feel like telling people they’re valid works better for young nonbinary people who might not feel valid, or who have been told their gender is wrong and invalid. they might live in a transphobic environment and its comforting to just here someone tell them its ok to be who they are.

Hey Ashton! I loved this video and I very much agree! As a nonbinary person every time I encounter that type of post I’m always ready to be let down because it feels they’re saying ‘oh yeah I guess y’all are here too’. It literally feels like I’m being talked down to. I know it’s not meant that way but yeah it feels very condescending. I’d much rather see ‘nonbinary people are nonbinary’ cause that makes me feel seen

Love how in-depth you go with topics that no one else talks about.

"ur allowed to think ur cis" u can't make me laugh like that while im trying to turn these eggshells into dust

I agree and i dont really like people calling me valid, but i also see that we're not the target of this posts. We know already, but younger people who may just found out their trans and might have no support or be scared, insecure, so they dont know theyre valid

Hellooo other nonbinary people 🥺🥺

For me, when I was figuring out my gender identity, being told that my gender was valid, the way I felt, the way it is, was really helpful, and when I was accepting myself as a trans boy I also really appreciated reading how trans men are men. However, I do understand what you are saying, and thank you for the video, I will reflect on how inclusive I am towards non binary people, also as I have friends who are non binary. Plus, my sister is cis and she put her pronouns on her Insta profile and I just love that sooo much, she is so supportive.

I'm not nb but it always seemed weird for me when people call each other valid. Like what are you, friend? A bus ticket? But I'm also not a native English speaker.

YEAH. i’ve specifically had my gender minimized and ignored because of this. one time a person said (after telling them my gender) “i don’t know what that means, but you’re valid!” and the conversation barreled right past it. this person wasn’t willing to invest a second of time into understanding me, they just tolerated me and thought that was enough. i’ve made similar positivity posts, but ever since that incident i’ve made an effort to be nuanced and say things...worth saying? that actually support and uplift people (hopefully)

Nobody even calls me valid, I just get “THERES ONLY TWO GENDERS” thrown at me :T and “valid” is like saying “oh yeah and you’re there too”

THANKS U DAMN, tired of caring too much about what I'm wearing to "pass" or just dress the easiest way. I want to wear makeup, platform shoes, and sometimes dress. Arghhh I feel bad 'cause my family make me feel like "ur a trans guy and that's all, not agender no, a trans man". I'm stuck but ur video make me feel better so thanks beautiful person. (to everyone reading this, u are wonderful and have a great day 🌈)

i’m a non binary demigirl and i really like being told i’m valid i find it super comforting but i’ve met a lot of people who didn’t and i was wondering why, this video was super helpful and explained it well to me thank you !

I've always felt that way when I heard I was "valid", it just feels weird and doesn't help at all, I know I exist already 🤷

Valid seems like such an empty term. Like it's the bare minimum for potential allyship. Valid just essentially means "human" to me. it isn't making much of a statement and only serves the person who's saying it (which tend to be cis or binary trans folk). even when I hear it from other enbies, it just feels low effort and passive in its meaning. that's just imo though.

oh my god i'm really happy someone agrees! i dislike the word "valid" in terms of gender cause it's so infantilizing. like??? yes i'm aware i'm valid and i exist as the gender i say i am, you don't need to remind me that I'm real/the way I feel is okay unless I'm having an anxiety attack.

i always took the "trans women are women/trans men are men/ enbies are valid" posts to be more geared to the people who have to hear the opposite told to them constantly. like transphobes saying trans men are women, trans women are men, and that enbies flat out dont exist/are delusional/whatever i never did like the phrase valid being used even towards me though it never felt genuine as the intended audience

"Valid is the default" speaks a lot as to your surroundings. Please keep in mind that a lot of trans people (myself included) live in circumstances where that is absolutely not the default. In most cases, disgust, derision or hatred is the default. "You're valid" is not about empowerment imo, but about survival. When I hear that from others, it indicates that it's at the very least safe to be around them.

I only started social transitioning recently and I feel really insecure. I like being told im valid by other enbies even though I know im valid, but sometimes I need that extra comfort. However when cis people say "trans men are men....non binary people are valid" that feels off for me personally.

I think it depends on the context. I also felt weird about those memes, I also felt like the logical progression was "Non-binary people are non-binary". But for example if I come out to someone as non-binary and they respond with like "That is valid as fuck!" I'll be like, "Heck yeah! Thanks fam!"

It's so weird because I've genuinely never heard anyone say that but I think I'd be completely thrown off if I ever heard anyone say that. I've personally called people valid but 100% only to people who are questioning/freaking out and wondering if their feelings are "normal" (I've never actually heard it in any other context). It kind of reminds me of that TikTok that kind of touches on this point (The one that goes "Yeah, you can be a man, a woman, whatever!" "You mean non-binary?" "Yeah whatever, like a bird, a plane, like whatever!" "....") Used in this context, I think I'd be very mad.

It's like when ppl say I respect your gender .... Ok just respect me for being another human walking the same planet and breathing the same air, it really reveals the confusion that the binary forces on everyone

Calling us valid is not acceptance, it's basically saying "you're so cute". Yeah, I get it people want to be allies, but if they call us valid, then no thanks, I know I am. Agreed 100% with the video.

when i hear “non-binary people are valid” vs “non-binary people are non-binary” its more of like “i think you’re ur a diet [insert agab here]”

I‘m a binary trans man and being called „valid“ always felt weird... like I know I‘m valid... everyone is valid, being valid is the bare minimum a human can be like how is being called „valid“ supposed to make me feel better

thank you... valid has always bothered me as a nonbinary person I’d rather have nonbinary people are nonbinary than nonbinary people are valid👌

YOU LOOK SO GOOD OMG SJDKDJDKD FLUFFY BOY THO

I feel the exact same. Before you said it, the word I was thinking of to describe the feeling was "empty." Like where's the substance??? WHERE'S THE FLAVOR???? FJSJDJ seriously though Also, "valid" feels so overused to me, too, that I'm so tired of hearing it. Like it's highkey a tainted word for me tbh lol

i think that it's because they don't know what else to say. phrases like "trans men are real men trans women are real women" are directed at those who think that trans people are "faking it" and there isn't really a good alternative when those people might not even think that nonbinary is a valid identity. i super understand valid being a baseline and i feel the exact same way but thinking about it from my perspective, "nonbinary people are valid" sounds a lot more compassionate than "nonbinary identities are real", at least to me

Ur style is actual transition goals

Yea, when people throw in nonbinary, it feels strange cuz it doesn't have a prefix or word before to use to reinforce the main word. Like it sounds as if they are saying that you can be that way, like tolerance tbh

Thank you! I definitely feel weird about being called valid, and I hadn't been able to fully articulate why! Slightly off-topic, but I'd love it if you'd make a video on your thoughts about guillotining the rich, and how you came to those conclusions. :)

Being called valid before was so empowering, and yes I'm still valid, but we are more than that, new lighting thank you so much! I love your channel, you have been helping me so much figure out myself! I love your makeup and hair! Such a pretty boy!!!!!!

I'm a binary trans person and I don't like being told I'm "valid". I already know I'm a man, no matter what my family, doctors, coworkers, etc, say. Being told I'm "valid" almost offends me because it insinuates I don't believe in myself or I'm doubting myself when I'm not. I don't like that being assumed. I am very confident no matter what people say. It comes off as "You're not actually a man, and you probably hate yourself, but don't worry, your gender feelings are vALiD"

yep i’ve always felt this way but it’s been bothering me more than usual lately. i knew what this video was going to discuss just from the title and thumbnail and it’s nice to know i’m not alone

Oh, I get it! It's like how disabled people don't want sympathy or any special attention, and they only want to be treated like other people, aka normal? Tell me if I'm wrong!

As a trans woman, I want to thank you for making me better on this. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I try my absolute best to make sure my friend groups are as inclusive as possible. And so I want to apologize for not considering how that sounds before and I will absolutely try to do better for all of my Non-Binary friends. Thank you.

It's like if someone is giving you their unsolicited permission to identify as yourself

I read the title as "non binary people aren't valid" And i got PISSED

agreed, i think for me too it also feels pretty infantilizing too tbh, and it otherizes nonbinary people when theyre the ones being called "valid". makes me think of those weird performative things cis people do with bathroom signs or whatever like "whatever just wash your hands"

this is not about this video at all BUT please drop where u got ur earrings bc i love them so much🥺

I feel this one so muchhhhh!!! I feel like all the cis people on my life just think I’m delusional but just go with it, like if I were a kid saying I’m a pirate and the adults are like yes honey you are a pirate

i’m not non-binary so this video helped me understand why some people don’t like that phrasing. super helpful so thank you!

I just watched one of your videos from a while ago, and your voice is so much DEEPER-

i saw the title and REALLY hoped you would talk about this and u did!!! ugh completely agree, ive been trying to put this into words for a while now

I agree too honestly?? I use the word "valid" but never like that?? If someone tells me about their gender/genderhoard I'll be like "that's so valid, I love that for you" But in that context, it makes it seem like "oh enbies are valid" but are they nonbinary?? I like the posts that are like "your gender is wonderful" and "agender people are amazing" or when people are like "I'm proud of you for figuring yourself out" if people want to make positive/supportive posts.

THANK YOUUU. whenever i see those posts it literally feels like the person is saying ".....oh and you're valid too" like of course i'm valid but i'd much rather ppl say "nonbinary ppl are nonbinary" bc the word "valid" feels so empty to me like absolute bare minimum. like state my gender as a fact, not "valid"

Ashton: Good morning! Clock: 23.26 Me: G'day

i wrote these phrases on a bathroom wall in my old school. tho, i'm non binary myself and i did that cause i was angry as we read a transphobic text in class and i needed to let my anger out somewhere haha but i agree, it does feel a bit weird that nb people only get called 'valid'

Just came from one of your videos from 2 years ago and went to this one and the change- incredible. Wow. Also yes, very well said

YESS i've been waiting for u to talk abt this thank u..

Thank you for addressing this! As a cis person, I want to do better and videos like this are really eye-opening

WOW. i've recently started coming out as nonbinary and i never thought about the "valid" thing like this before, but now it does sound really strange.

youre so real for this

i’m non-binary and i completely agree with this whole thing. our validity is not based upon the approval of cisgender people.

Okay wait but this is actually so important???? I’ve always felt really weird about those posts too, but I’ve never been able to put my finger on why until watching this (and admittedly even now I can’t really because I’m autistic and words don’t work for me but I understand, if that makes any sense lmao). If you’re gonna make those posts, it should either be “Trans men are valid, trans women are valid, nonbinary people are valid,” OR “trans men are men, trans women are women, nonbinary people are nonbinary.” Not both. It’s like singling out one group and saying “you’re not _actually_ like the other groups (in this case, you’re not actually the gender you say you are), but I respect your decision to be wrong/I will go along with it to make you happy.” It’s kinda backhanded to me. So thanks for making this! Very important

Having bad day then saw your video put a smile on my face love your videos Ashton they are great and help me get through days where I feel like I have no spoons!!!!!

Is "you're valid" the new version of "you're special"?

I just discovered your channel and while a few of my opinions differ a little bit, I'm obsessed with like everything about you as a alternative trans guy myself. (I fit into a few subcultures I just don't wanna list them pff) But ty for being my new discovery and I think you're really cool even though you wont see this. :)

I’ve always felt a bit weird about that too, especially if it comes from cis people or even binary trans people. Like, I love my nonb siblings telling me I’m fucking valid but they always do it in super different ways? It’s hard to explain but I’m sure other nonb people know what I’m talking about? It’s not this basic acknowledgment, we connect on a much deeper level and accept that none of us has the same experiences with gender and despite that we are finding similarities and understanding of the other. And that’s what I want. That truly helps me feel “valid” or whatever. Nonb people know they are real, we know we exist and we can move past that cis idea of acceptance. I just don’t know how the general cishet person will get to that point?

The only time I ever felt that the whole valid thing was comforting was at times when I was feeling imposter syndrome. At other times people telling me that I'm valid feels like they're implying I need their acceptance for being what I am, which feels infantilizing despite it coming from a good place.

Wow, this video is just so..... Valid.💜

I thought I was the only one

I know this video is old, but YESS. and the content is still so relevant in my realms - which is kinda sad, as that means, that people are still doing this. 😅

I agree with you 100% I just gotta say I love ur hair bro!!! Can I ask how exactly do you do it like that? Or at least what that hairstyle is called?

it is morning for me!! thank u!!

ive always felt off about that statement but didnt have the words to say why

I really love you so much Ashton you like hit all the points so well. Almost all of us in the comments agree with you. You're so right.💛🤍💜🖤

You're not just valid, you're sound!

I never really picked up on this, it was interesting to hear, thanks from another enby

I absolutely agree but I only like being called valid because I hear one (1) compliment and go :o

8:50 God what a mood lmao

that phrase has always bothered me but i felt bad saying anything bc ik ppl have good intentions saying it

Omg the therapy point is perfectly expressing how I feel!!

i’m always down for trans positivity that includes nonbinary people, but i always laugh when it says “nonbinary people are valid”, it’s like an afterthought and it says as much as “nonbinary people are *takes a bite out of garlic bread* slightly on the crispy side” 😂

I feel the same way. Using "valid" as a descriptor for a whole human being always seemed quite patronizing to me, like a little pat-pat on the head. On top of that it serves as yet another reminder that the validity of my existence is not only up for debate, but actually controversial. For that reason, seeing "allies" in particular so casually engage in that debate-however indirectly-makes me feel _invalid,_ ironically. It does more to validate the debate itself, y'know?

this pops up when i search up my own channel what-

Lmao!!!! I've only ever been called valid by nonbinary people. But I always thought it sounded weird too and felt patronizing as well. But I came from a place where people spoke a whole lot different. I felt like it was like snooty and passive aggressive.

I'm a trans dude but I think I might be nb too? I don't know tho

I think really the only “right” context for telling a non-binary person they’re valid is when they’re still very early in their gender adventure and they express that they feel like they’re nb but have doubts or fears. That’s a time when you can tell them that their feelings about their gender are valid because it’s saying “yes, the thoughts and feelings you’re having a okay to have, and you aren’t wrong for feeling like this.”

Oh my god you put it into words

Thank you.

Honestly, this didn't bother me until I watched this video, but now that you mention it, I totally feel this way too. It does kind of feel patronizing.

Yesss I agree I always felt that we’ve kinda been overlooked as just “valid” and nothing else. It bothered me but I just thought it was just me so I never mentioned it