They will justify their rudeness and cruelty saying they're being honest, but whenever someone is honest with them, they will cry more than a spoiled child.

Funny how the narcissistic coworker suddenly develops a filter when the boss walks into the room..

I have seen my husband have a real good filter in the outside world; but when it came to me at home, no filter. Street angel, house devil. I was his whipping post for his past hurts & anger, while he kissed the ass of the people who hurt him. Narcissists have a selective filter.

Narcissists absolutely have filters. They absolutely filter themselves if they foresee a consequence to their actions.

My ex used to say horrible things to me and when I got upset and said that really hurt he would say “I should be able to say whatever I want to my girlfriend. I never had to filter myself with you when we were friends” but he didn’t say hurtful things when we were friends. Manipulation at its best. Thank you Doctor Ramani ❤️

I know two of the biggest narcissists one can imagine, and I know for a fact that their filters work extremely well, when it serves them. If they were in a bar and Mike Tyson started peeling of layers of their skin with a dull knife they would smile and say "Good one, Mike! We love you man!". But if they're at Walmart and a woman has a baby who can't stop crying, there's nothing off limits as to the aggression, threats, name calling, and complaining to the cashier. Because, in my experience, they are the most cowardly people on the planet. There's nothing they won't do to save their own ass.

You never will know how many People you saved from those predators. I am very thankful for everything you have been doing! Thank you forever 🙏💕! 🇧🇷.

They are so purely unfiltered when it comes to hurting,abusing, manipulating,gas lighting us rather than unfiltered love,empathy and emotions. Thanks Dr.Ramani,you have made this for us.

40 Years Of Abuse Torture And Bullying By My Malignant Narcissistic "mother" I Am Sooooo Glad I Stumbled Upon This KZfaq Channel, Thanx Dr Ramani

I can’t believe I didn’t make this connection before. No filter equal no empathy, no behavior governance.

Enablers say that all the time. Yet narcissist s can choose to be charming when it suits them...no filter? They're making a calculated decision. That is a filter of sorts.

The only area I have a lack of filter in life is calling out abusive behaviour of toxic people I have to engage with, no matter how subtle or sneaky it is. Of course then I hear all the usual gaslighting like “oh that’s not what I meant/ it was a joke/ you’re so sensitive!” 😂

The main narcissist in my life is often described as not "having a filter" but I don't believe that for a minute. Most folks who are told they've hurt the feelings of a friend or loved one get sad they've hurt someone and tries to apologize. But she gets angry for being confronted and starts playing the victim. That's the difference.

Dr. Ramani, from the comments and the unimaginable more that are not posted, it is obvious that you have opened a door that many were too embarrassed to even acknowledge existed. Thank you. I'm a mental health professional and am beyond apprehensive for your role in educating the PLANET on how to identify, protect and defend against the other pandemic called, "narcissism." Blessings to you.

I have poor impulse control and low filters thanks to ADHD. The difference between me and narcissists is that what gets through the weak filters is weird and goofy stuff that gets me labeled quirky and charming. I don't cultivate cruelty in myself the way that narcissists seem to, so cruelty isn't there to push through those weak filters. Narcissists breed cruelty within themselves, so that's why it's what comes through.

I'm so glad you are changing lives ..I have been a victim of Narcissistic abuse and I can tell you for sure that I would always blame myself...another excuse they use for not being a person who filters is when they say everyone is entitled to their opinion...but as usual rules apply to us but never them..if you air out your opinion they will disregard you.

Dr Ramani I will pray for your safety because the things you say expose dangerous people. May God protect you so that you continue helping us on this journey.

If you have a disorder like adhd (like myself) one of the critiques is not having a filter, being impulsive etc. Difference is if I can tell or let alone feel I hurt someone I apologize for it. Narcissists don’t. People with certain disorders still have empathy.

Growing up with a malignant narc, the no filter thing was one of the worst narcissistic fleas I've had. I know I lost friends because of things I said, nolo contendere. I was in my 20s before I realized I was relying on something the narc had gaslighted me into believing: That I had nothing to offer in a conversation, and nobody wanted to listen to me. I honestly wondered if my friends were just really good at not rolling their eyes when I was talking. As a result, I talk a lot less now, which helps with listening.

My narcissist say very demeaning words in almost under his breath. When I call him out in it he will deny that he said it. Making it a gaslighting event. I don't even call him out on it because he will always deny, minimize or feel entitled to those comments.

As a kid and young adult, I used to not have a filter either. I misunderstood the saying "honesty is the best policy", so that involved being honest about everything! That included being honest when it would get me in a lot of trouble, which it usually did. I practically had no friends, was hated by most of family, and would never really get love and/or validation... It's only when I realized that there was a difference between honesty and integrity that I decided to pick and choose - what and how - I say to who and when... Unfortunately, that sometimes borders on manipulation and dishonesty... So no, the mere lack of a filter flies in the face of narcissism m.o. ... In fact, I realized later that I was probably more of a 'Truth Teller'...

My ex would say "I'm not an asshole, I'm just honest." ... sure

The Narcissist I know is very calculating and selective with what they say and do in very specific circumstances, and with who. I think that is why their behavior is so unstable and harmful.

Wow! Id mever considered that as a red flag. But, looking back at narcicisst I walked away home. Its spot on. In fact, many years ago this person asked me: " why do so many people at work not like me?". I knew the answer: because youre blunt and have a sharp tongue, say mean things under the guise youre helping them... I held MY tongue. Thinking they would or were heading to that answer. I was wrong.

Their lack of filter is part of the grooming process. People will tell us who they are, we have to believe them and proceed accordingly.

Sometimes “truth tellers” say things that even healthy people would rather not have mentioned. Unhealthy individuals can really resent the truth. It’s often just easier to avoid social interactions or to avoid speaking in social settings when filtering is an issue. It can be very lonely.

Thank you, Doctor Ramani for assisting us in utilizing our own inner toolkits to perceiving and understand such toxic qualities. You are an exceptional mentor! To note: thank you for calling out those who try to write off narcissism-we need to talk about as much as we can.

Brutally honest people tend to be more focussed on the brutality than the honesty.

When I was a kid I didn't have a filter, but I developed one as I got older. Looking back at myself I was pretty frickin embarrassing. Now I try my best to not hurt people

I spent almost all of my life being told what to do, how to feel, which hand to use to write with, which hearing level suited them, rather than my own level, (I am hearing impaired) that anything I did or said write a poem, draw a picture, wasn't "liked' by the narcissistic or alcoholic people and he let me know to his death bed, and then I'd realize I wasn't the narcissistic person. He's dead, and I am alive, his cancer and lifestyle weren't my faults. I will attempt better. Thanks, Dr. Ramani

I just want to give up because I only seem to meet narcissists or generally awful people. I have no family and no friends. I've not heard of someone living 100% alone with no support as I do.

My narc ex-friend says her mom told her that she was born without a filter. Sadly she uses that as an excuse for her disregulated behavior. She is very popular on social media and even has drunken live feeds that I hear are train wrecks. I’ve been no contact the entire year. She’s even tried publicly smearing me on posts to try to reel me back in. I’m not taking the bait or giving her any more supply. I’m done. I still care for her, but I can’t be friends with her. YOU have helped me so much Dr. Ramani. Thank you!

They lack self awareness so why would they have any filter? They either deny (you can’t take a joke/too sensitive) or deflect (you’re the bully) when called out on their BS.

My ex would do the same and for a change when I would communicate my needs he would say that I was atracking him, that I need a psychiatrist, that he understands how some people are just biologically weaker and more prone to mental issues.

In addition to the last part of this discussion, the harm it causes children who are raised by narc parents is so devastating. In my case it was my mother, and the fallout has in many ways, robbed me of so much. I figured it all out rather late in life too. I've gotten to acceptance and am not willing to continue to be a victim. So greatful for the illumination of this condition.

I love 💕 your beautiful job !!!! It is a blessing in our lifetime! 🙏

thank you doctor Ramani for your amazing content as always! ❤

The idea about narcissism and "not having a filter" is actually really easy to distinguish. It boils down to intention. I have two children on the autism spectrum, one (younger son) who is more Aspie (before Asperger's stopped being a DSM thing) and one (my oldest) that is "more autistic." The one who is "more autistic" has more struggles with social interactions. He understands about emotions and that saying some things could hurt people's feelings, but he just hasn't been able to naturally pick up on things from observing the world and interactions around him. This child has no filter. For example... I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage, and all my kids know about this and they know it was a very sad time for me and that it took me a long time to recover from it. My oldest has sometimes made mention of "the baby that died." It's blunt. It's direct. It can be a little jarring. But what it ISN'T is it isn't intended to cause greater harm. He doesn't say "the baby that died" to hurt me. He just says it because it communicates the thoughts he has as clearly and directly as possible. It just escapes him that being so direct could be upsetting to another person. This is very different from a narcissist, because a narc is more cold and calculating. EVERYTHING they say is full of intention, whether it's intention to build themselves up or intention to tear someone else down or intention of looking like the victim or intention to cause as much harm as possible. It doesn't escape them in the slightest that their words could cause harm because they have deliberately and carefully selected their words to cause the most harm possible. This is also different from the sort of person who just doesn't give a damn. They say what they say and who cares if it hurts you. Maybe they're not intentionally trying to cause you as much harm as they can, but they're just gonna bluster through and say what they say and just don't care if you're hurt at all because they just don't care about your feelings. This is a third sort of person, possibly a subset of narcissism, possibly just a gigantic jerk. But also distinct from having no filter, IMO, because there's a difference between not giving a damn and just not recognizing social niceties that most people conform to. My oldest, if I told him that his words hurt me... he would care that he hurt my feelings and he would feel bad and want me to feel better. He would also feel like he'd done something wrong and feel bad about that. The narcissist would delight in having done something what they'd done and from the pain it caused, and the jerk just wouldn't give a damn because it didn't affect them.

Thanks Dr Ramani for your amazing work! 😊

Always a excuse so they don't take responsibility for their bad behaviour to your boundary and when you refuse to allow them to continue to abuse and walk over your boundaries...Thank you for another informative video Dr Ramani

Yes, they have no filter, no matter the way of communication💔 However, we on the other side have to have an impeccable filter with them otherwise rage is coming. If we even say "I don't like that or the way you treat me", that is offensive to them because of their high sensitivity to any criticism. I couldn't even say "I don't like", while they feel entitled to call you names, curse, scream and humiliate you in public...💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani for this important message❤

People show their awareness of how their words are being received in their eyes. When unkind words are intended to harm the speaker shows malice or pleasure at their victim's discomfort. When it's not intentional people either suddenly realize what they did, and apologize, or they blunder on, completely oblivious. People without filters often aren't good at reading other people. With narcissists it's the opposite, sort of. They are always aware of others, though they often misread read them, but they are never oblivious.

It is what it is, no excuses. Brilliant listening!

You mentioned a lot of illnesses but not adhd or autism which means biological changes in frontal lobe. I won't agree that narcissist don't have a filter. If they wouldn't, they will also say things that make them in trouble. Somehow, they can control themselves when they need to and don't control when they don't respect someone. When you don't filter your reactions, you don't care if it's your home or an office.

The point about "viral" behaviors versus "common human decency" ... exactly. I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one dealing with this. It's really a sign of the times, in many ways.

Narcissists seem to have inverted filter settings. They filter out anything that could be perceived as emotional vulnerability while letting out only the "safe" stuff (barbs and judgement). If only we could flip the switch. "Here's your problem; ya got this thing set to 'evil'! *click*"

The KEY word here out of everything said that stood out most that means nothing to anyone these days.... "Human decency."

Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your videos are more helpful than you can even know. We feel validated and more secure in what confused us, made us empathize and try to figure out or help. There is no helping it, we need to help/save ourselves 🙏🏼

Dr Ramani, Thank you so much for emphasizing the mental health needs of the Narcissist targets. They are the ones who can truly benefit. Narcissists rarely seek treatment & in most cases treatment isn't effective. Thank you !

In my opinion......2 things I think hold true when it comes to "not having a filter" 1) it only counts as not having a filter if you also say just as many things that hurt/embarrass yourself, or are deemed weird because you are saying nice things to strangers, etc. Since honest ≠ mean Because 2) if you truly don't have a filter, then you would honestly say everything you think......therefore what you say reveals who you truly are, so if you are saying mean things then you are truly a mean person, if you say a variety of things (both good and not so great) you are a normal person, if you only say nice things --- you are strange....no one thinks only nice stuff all the time. Lmao. 🤣🤣🤣 in all seriousness, if you mostly say unfiltered nice things then that would indicate you were a nice person. TLDR: if you don't have a filter that means you are exactly what you say since "UNFILTERED" Mean stuff = mean person, NOT honest person.

"All narcissistic people lack a filter, but not all low filter people are narcissistic." Thank you for pointing this out. I wish I knew how to speak without hurting feelings. All I can do is work, read books, and learn social grace and "filters" in a cognitive way so that I correct my mistakes.

You are a God send Dr. Ramani. Your videos have been instrumental to me during my mental health journey. Thank you

Thanks for the wonderful content. You help. ♡

That is a very good point ... about there being 'filtering' problems that happen for all sorts of reasons to all sorts of people, but without any additional maliciousness or assaulting behaviour. Zillions of people live full lives with 'filtering' problems without harming others or themselves.

Pretty much hit the nail on the head. That's something I noticed with our former group's narcissist and it was one of the key things that tipped me off to what they were. They'd say hurtful things about people using really derogatory words and descriptors, and then even when a whole room of people told them it wasn't okay to say those things about people, they'd put all their focus on talking about what a shame it was the words didn't have the "positive meanings" they thought they did, but never ONCE was there an apology to the hurt person. Not even a lazy one. By comparison, we had other people in the group who had no filter having to do with other conditions that make social cues difficult (ADHD, autism, etc), but they never said hurtful things, much less unapologetically.

Filter, self control, learning, my journey, my steps, time to heal and grow. I’m excited to get back to me.

I'm 60 now, was raised by a narrasitic father ,my oldest sister is one, I married a narrasitic woman. 10 yrs ago my second wife pointed out to me what one was!!... THANK U FOR PEOPLE LIKE U DOCTOR , IM FREE OF THEZE PEOPLE. I'm a new man today n no longer have contact with ANY OF EM!!!...🤠🥳

What is interesting is that a narcissist will abuse the pretense of being unfiltered to be abusive, but a person who is actually just honest and chooses not to lie can't actually be one of the most valuable friends you can make. Because they'll look you in the eye and ask you an honest question that many other people won't. I honestly wish a lot more people could be honest like that instead of burying what they want to say or couching it in platitudes instead of just being honest. Passive aggression and lies are honestly some of the most frustrating things to deal with.

Thank you Dr Ramani for helping us not only to improve our personal relationships but to understand SXXI society as well.

Your point toward the end about the 'blast zone' around narcissists, and the unusual aspect of narcissism having a more deleterious effect on others is so important. It is so very challenging to speak to institutions who seem to have every incentive to force their members to individually absorb the costs of personality disorders rather than having an institutional response that protects. Coupled with a narcissist's (or other PD's) ability to manipulate organisations, there is actually a strong likelihood of being doubly victimized. Our educational and career plans have to be resilient to encountering these people.

I have adhd and narcissistic trauma (childhood and in my relationships as an adult). so it's been a lot of work healing and working on my own patterns, but also trying to navigate the imposter syndrome of "am I a narcissist too?" but I chase down my behavior, own it, apologize for it, work to fix it long term, and no narcissist I've ever met will do that. I hate that I sometimes have negative traits, but I know I can change those for the better with awareness and practice.

The thing about narcissistic behaviour being more celebrated is so true. Thank you for point it out

So many excuses 4 the narcissist & so little 4 the destruction they cause the victim. Still the the mindframe of blaming the victim. As a victim of narcistic origin, I thank u 4 calling out the abuser instead of making excuses 4 their detrimental behavior & the consequences of the victims of this lifelong trauma

I wait for this time everyday to watch Dr. Ramani's video! Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! May your all dreams come true😍😍😍😍🙏🙏🙏🙏

One of my abusers used to hide behind the phrase "I'm just very honest" before she said something incredibly hurtful

Hell, I don’t even have to watch this to know EXACTLY what you are talking about. My narc is PROUD of his so called HONESTY. He says he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him because he loves himself enough to not NEED others approval. He makes it sound so HEALTHY to feel this way and that I need to learn to love myself. But if I give him the same HONESTY it is a DIRECT HIT to his narc “weak spot” and causes injury. And we all know what happens when THAT happens!

You are a gem. Thank you for sharing your love and wisdom.

Thank you for your dedication to help others and know your loved for being with us during hard times. Just take care of yourself . We need your clarity in a chaotic world that seems upside down.

Growing up in a Narcissistic family, and because emotional abuse is filter-free, I ended up adopting a filter-free manner of speaking my mind without consideration of the social setting I was in. Glad to know this problem is not self generated and I can consciously fix it.

Narcissist or not, not having a filter is unacceptable. The worst part is, thanks to their entitlement, they want you to have a filter around them.

All of my life I have been silenced.As a resùlt I have overshared, possibly confided too much by the time I broke out of the level of control & power I had exoerperienced.Not being awarè that my words beĺonged between myself & a trauma focused therapist. Thia is the reson I tune into your blessed videos I have lèarned this from you Eternally grateful to your words of widom as I navigate my freedom of speech, with diplomacy . I will forever be a work in progress....

Thank you for putting things in perspective. Your videos are very helpful. They gave me clarity and strength. Thank you so much. 🌷

When their rant loses logic, they start to humiliate and hit below the belt, then leave the discussion. They Act as if nothing happened next morning, or they approach carefully asking “is everything ok?” as if the other person scared them and was the problem. . Shocking when it’s a loved one.

Graciousness & good manners grow rare.

Thank you. I have a head injury from 25 years ago, and a lot of what I experience seems like narcissistic traits, when it is brain damage. However, I don't have the intention to harm. I would really like more about what "isn't" narcissism. Also, aging and narcissism would be a good subject. Thank you for your great content! You're the best!

These last few videos really are showing the nuances of narcissism. If you aren’t careful you really might miss it

You are so right Doctor Ramani,yes focus more on people who narcissist injury.I hope that going to be some change in Mental Health Field soon. 👍👏🙏❤️

That’s so true I keep thinking I’m seeing too much narcissism and must be imagining it

Dr. Ramani hardcore calling out narcissists is one of my favorite things ever.

That’s how I describe my mother to other people when she acts entitled or creates conflicts: « she has no filter ahha » to try to diminish the tension or even make her look cool, but deep inside I perfectly know she’s a narcissist.

Your expression at 1:14 was amazing! LOL!!! Thanks Dr Ramani for all you do! Your videos have helped me tremendously in my healing process the last three months from a toxic relationship with my ex narcissistic fiance...

This is funny to think about. People often will joke about my tendency to be 'unfiltered'. But at the same time, I'm not inclined to say cruel things to people on the regular. Part of it is the fact that I've lived with undiagnosed/untreated ADHD all my life, part of it is that in high school I took an improv class that helped my mouth catch up with my brain and really encouraged me to embrace my natural impulsivity and have fun with it. Part of it was also that I was in the closet for so long, and by keeping the conversation fast and flowing I could misdirect against things I didn't want to talk about. Though now that I'm out of the closet and no longer need to have all these protective elements, I feel like my low filter is still just for fun. But again I don't say the random mean thoughts that come into my head (I'm generally not a mean person by any stretch),

Dr Ramani, please write a letter to every government in charge right now about what you just addressed in this content about narcissism becoming the new normal and the harm it is doing to the world. I would love to see a video on thier responses you get back. Keep fighting the good fight and all the very best to you. Ty

Had a TBI. Front left side got hit. Don't seem impulsive about things but I'll try to pay attention. I don't like mean. Laughing and crying was random at first and now I've had difficulty releasing emotions. Deaths and the distress from narcissists... haven't been able to let it out and when I did briefly, it brought on symptoms. Hopefully this will change so I can grieve relationships properly. When I watched one of your videos.. actually got teary, symptoms came on and I fell asleep lol. Still feel emotions, just can't really release. Next time I cry, it'll probably make me happy and I'll stop lol.

My Narc-Mom uses her “unfiltered “ comments as a way to gain power and control. Her need to be in control is like breathing to her.

Wow, almost all content on this channel make so much sense. Nice job Ramani.

My ex best friend used to pride herself on her "honesty" when actually she was just being arrogant, aggressive and judgemental.

One ex-friend (Narc) said to me, “I don’t ask for permission. I ask for forgiveness.” I stopped being friends with that person immediately.

My ex used to brag about how he always tells the truth. Truth without compassion is cruelty. & Future Faking is a lie.

Spot on as always. Thank you.

"not having a filter" made me think of Michael Scott. If he's another type of narcissist, perhaps not as dangerous as the others.

I tend to be a very verbose person, especially in text. Because I carry a number of genetic health issues, I tend to need to spill out all my 'stuff' in case there's need of someone knowing during the course of conversation (I am Deaf, visually impaired, neurodivergent, AND dealing with narc. family systems on top of it, oooooof) I try not to be "poor me" about it all, but I learned that being my own voice in my life is incredibly important.

Fallout focused! 😮 That’s powerful and deep! Thank you!

On top of that, if you say something they call you a sensitive person (gaslighting). I can't deal with narcissists!!! It's a waste of time and energy.

First thing I notice with toxic people is their lack of filters. I have a sister that tells everyone to f.....k off all the time.

Thanks & good job. I struggle with this. There seems to be a fine line between authenticity & narcissism. It is hard at times to authentically express oneself (set & enforce healthy boundaries) and coming across as narcissistic (toxic or arrogant). Some people interpret setting healthy boundaries as narcissism when they are really being narcissistic themselves (forcing censorship because they feel entitled). Ugh.

Thank You, Dr Ramani. I’m learning more about narcissism.

My N enjoys avoiding using my name she speaking to me. He flared up when I asked him to use my name. He ordered me to stop being angry. I was not angry at all. He is clearly using it as a weapon as he continues to avoid saying my name. It gives him Power.

This video describes my sister and niece (her daughter)) so well. It has been so freeing to remove them from my life. Unfortunately my mother has been sucked so far down into their abuse that there isn’t any way to enlighten or save her.

Arrogant people/narcs often have a tendency to just blurt out insults for no reason. It can be directed to you or to another person. It's like they just vomited over you and then they just carry on like nothing happened.