"He didn't seem like some one who had everything that he wanted. And I can relate to that." That really touched me because my life is not what I thought it would be. I'm not bitter. I'm just a bit upset at the randomness of life in general. It just seems like the people who really don't deserve it get the better of it.

I grew up watching Ed with his videos and he was probably one of the biggest inspirations to be doing what I do today. He inspired me to experiment with things I haven’t before in the technology/ machining world. If it wasn’t for Aussie50 I wouldn’t be where I am now. Rest easy Ed, I’m glad you are not suffering any longer.

Thanks for saying so many things that , I am sure, many of us feel/think, but are afraid to express.

Difficult subject to talk about, which you handled brilliantly. Many do not understand depression. I've had a couple of friends who have committed suicide. I understood why they did it, but I was left wondering if there was anything that could have been done to help them. Full respect for your honesty in this video.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and being honest about it, as most folks are too afraid of backlash to do it.

It is sad that he could not find some way out. Glad that you did! Good luck out there girl!

Glad you posted this tribute Rinoa.

I knew you had a channel, but never really cared enough to watch much of your content. After seeing your commentary today, I am intrigued to see what you are up to. Thanks for the upload and your perspective.

Very insightful video Rin, can't wait for the next one. OH SHIIIIIII...!

Thank you. I'm glad you didn't give the pat platitudes. Suicide is complex. The numbers of men killing themselves in Australia would shock many people. There's something very wrong with society and the role of men especially. Just my 2c.

Rinoa you are a beautiful human being and you are doing great things with your life outside of just being entertainment for people. I appreciate you and view you as a role model for the life decisions that you have made. May you stay healthy and when you are depressed may you find a way to overcome as I feel you have done thus far.

Ed will live on through his KZfaq Videos. RIP Ed.

I like your perspective on suicide, Rinoa. One of my professors in college taught me something that I will never forget. He said that students would often come to him to discuss things like suicide with him, he was a drama professor so you do the math. When people said that "I don't have anything to live for." he would reply, "You probably don't, but wouldn't it be a shame if someday you did and you are not here to take part in it?" I like that, because things often do pass, not always and not for everyone, but usually things will pass and you will have something worth living for again someday.

RIP ED, stay healthy Rinoa

WOW Rinoa Super-Genius! This is a powerful statement of a vlog. It was good to hear your thoughts and get a bit of insight on your experience as relates to the issue of suicide. Thanks for sharing. I will certainly miss his input and I will be sure to be clear about supporting those that I enjoy.

Feel sad for his dog, she will really miss him.

Rinoa, I hope you're doing well, and thanks. You say the things I want to say and here these days but never have the courage to say it as i would just get shunned. This makes me realize how lucky i am to have good, close friends like you talk about when im down in myself. And this kind of helps me realize a bit why all the "crazy" or just overly happy people around me everyday always seem a bit off to me and idk where im going with this, im just gonna stop here.

Thank you for being so open about all of this! One point about medication is that, in many cases, people are so depressed that they don't have the energy to commit suicide and then the medication comes along and provides that energy. Medication requires therapy to go along with it because just regulating chemical levels doesn't help you pull out of deep existential darkness. This is an excellent video that I'll be referencing when I have the unfortunate circumstance of helping someone who has lost a loved one to suicide.

The happiest I've seen you is during your livestreams. You seem completely switched on and engaged. I always try and toss you a couple questions, no softballs, and you always answer them. I appreciate you. You're a unique cat.

Thanks for this ,your view on aussie50 and the issues as a whole were very interesting thankyou

Well I think Clive means that there are solutions other than suicide for dark times, I’m sure he understands that depression won’t go away just the dark times will with help. Let’s not beat Clive up

I liked this video u opened up alot n shared deep real problems, I hope u make a pressure release videos maybe monthly or as frequent as needed lol also ur pov is very honest n refreshingly different, keep up the good work

I’m pleased I didn’t jump when I hit rock bottom, I’m in a better place now and it’s nothing to do with survivor guilt. Yes, you can hit rock bottom, and yes, you can also bounce back. Pharmaceuticals, I was on SSRI’s. They masked my depression and anxiety, gave me severe joint pains in my knees, elbows, hands and ankles, basically a whole new set of problems to deal with. I’m totally off all anti depression/ anxiety meds for the last 2 months, my joint pains have almost 100% gone and expect to have a full recovery before too long. It’d be interesting to have a survey done on what meds are taken, if the person is working self employed or unemployed, how much internet they use and the times they use it. Yes, I’m into data and statistics to try and find a solution to a problem. Now, I’m immersing myself in work, heavy lifting, driving and being an ambassador to the public for the charity I work with and for. My sincerest condolences go out to his family and friends, he was a great man who worked very hard to entertain us. I’m sure many many people around the globe will also shed a tear for his loss. *Thanks Aussie 50*

Hi Rinoa, Thanks for the time you took to have the talk on camera and share it. Being bipolar and dealing with the constant force of depression that slows one down, I relate. I don't find any thoughts to add to what you shared, it's on point. To be honest, I could see the message in Ed's videos and actually stayed clear of them. I felt sad after watching a video of his where something got destroyed, because I have done it and it is emotional self harm. From an interest point of view and how he shared the content it was good, but the signs of a troubled person were clear and I have to be very careful of what I expose myself to as it does affect me when I see myself mirrored by someone. I find it upsetting when I see myself in someone else, cause there is hardly no way one can approach that person and say: I feel your pain, want to talk some and share ideas on managing life? It's a highly private issue and when one hears how some trivialize it and blame the owner of the problem, the less one is keen to let it out to the wrong set of ears and really tear things up. To me anyway, it's how I experienced it and still do. And it's something as simple as stopping participation in a stimulating activity. Ah, lost the plan of thought here. The issue of loneliness is big, and deep. Given how many humans there are, it's hard to find like minded company. A huge issue for creative people. As it is I am looking at this reply which I have pondered for an hour, thinking: Am I saying something worth reading here? I digress, you made a good point with your chat. The guy was real, and it's a pity he checked out and is not around sharing his life on the tube. Cause that is what this is about. We subscribe to channels for the shared interest and the author's become people we know, even become personal friends through via that. It's crushing when one wakes up to the news. Good on you and those who have talked to the camera about the event, I wanted to light a candle and do a talk about losing him and two weeks ago a fellow who the community lost due to a car wreck. But it's very hard to string together the thoughts, and I feel that those who have put up videos have in there own way done the deed and i will respect them for that by just thanking them for doing so. Oh well gosh, look at how I rambled. Thanks for the this, and keep it alive. Kind regards, D

It is sad to hear about his passing.

I subscribed just now for your honesty and your take on the topic.

I am going through some Aussie50 videos, so that is how I found yours, as I wanted to cherish the memory. The sad thing most people relate to isn't that the videos are no longer being created, but as you realized he has inspired you. His style of doing things, and the smiles and laughter he brought on to others is what we will miss and never get to see again. It sounds so silly to say that about a man you have never met, but out of all the people I know, he was the one I thought was going to make it. Not just in being strong, but also have the abilities to change things in the world, if not by himself, but by inspiring others, and that is the sad loss.

Definitely an interesting, thought provoking video. Unexpected but great appreciated!

Thank you, I have lost my way, and feel a prisoner of my life at the moment. I will probably listen to this video a few times more. It was the best "talking to" I have had in decades. Again Thank you.

Yep. Complete body autonomy including the right to end one's own life is a human right. If a person chooses it they should do it in a way that is considerate of others (not making a mess and causing undue trauma for others) and they should definitely try to do everything they can to make their life better (counseling, giving it time if in a temporary situation, etc.) but ultimately the choice is theirs. Also, there are people with debilitating mental illness that can't be fixed... and they need to have a way to tap out with compassion and respect for their hard decision.

Thanks for making this video, it helped me feel better. And yeah peoples happiness is more important than making videos. Yeah it would suck to never see a video from them agaim but at least if they were happy then that would make me feel better. And I agree with the social media thing, working mainly overnight nights and depending on social media to have friends can get pretty fucking hard sometimes. But thankfully I will be off doing overnights in a few days and I look forward to hanging out with people irl again because it is different, it means so much more to have a friendship with someone that your physically around. People online have their own lives and isnt possible for them to be online all the time. Anyways its unfortunate that he didnt have someone that could pull him out of the dark times but I will be thankful for all the people he inspired and helped. I hope he will continue to inspire people to be engineers and tinkerers.

I didn't really follow his channel but seen some of his videos. Sad to lose a respected member of the KZfaq community but i really hope his pains are over, wherever he is now. Im not religious, but my thoughts are on him and his family.

Rinoa I am glad you brought up the part of people being sad that he won’t be making videos any longer. It’s like Ed was a inspirational person and he was a lot more then his videos. If you are to look at his last Facebook post in the caption of the photo is just says “ the darkness won’t show me light.

I only watched a handful. His electronics knowledge was spot on, his accent and chuckle were real. good on you.

I never once thought about how I consider killing myself would affect the work of a mortician. Like for real that's a thought that never crossed my mind. This was a surprisingly candid take on the topic. Needless to say I'm glad you're alive because you're an interesting person and the world's a bit better with people like you hanging around.

I thank you for this specific video. I think you're a tremendous human being. We can not judge only people for their actions. I agree in large part with what you say. I agree that we the human being lack the emotional delivery of which you comment. Thank you very much .. My condolence to all that knew him.

A puppy just doesnt cut it. Kitens are the way for life.

I started watching ED a while back always enjoyed his videos. RIP ED. Depression takes a lot out of you I suffer with depression I have friends that help me.

you are so right @16:00 we do need to heed the warning if things are wrong and we need to fix things. I have done this in recent times and it has made a difference. It is real sad about Aussie50 so sad he had to leave early. My advice to anyone who feels so bad is to think deeply about the things that make you happy and the things that make you sad. then, do what makes you happy and stop what makes you sad. this is so simple i know but it helped me on a fundamental level.

I've struggled with the Suicide of my childhood friend Joe Lawton for years, his parents got the law changed for young people in the UK in custody because of how he was treated. For years I've never understood why he did what he did, but as you say, I clearly didn't know half of what he was going through, as much as we didn't know with Ed. Equally it makes me realise about myself, I've had a very rough time in life to the point where I thought "I'm sure people kill themselves for less than this". But this video has really made me think that I had nowhere near of a rough time as I thought. I'm a borderline alchy, who I've always thought about being on it for a good time, not a long time. But it's made me think about humanity as a whole. Thank you so much for giving me an insight into a world I thought I knew, but clearly I know very little about.

thx for sharing real thoughts.

Well only one thing left to say : keep it up, can't wait for the next one ! =P

Thanks, I needed that.....

Before I watch the video I cried a lot me and him were close and I learned a lot from him. He will be dearly missed

I'm glad that the world has you, Rinoa. You put so much "good" into this place. Thank you for everything you contribute, and please don't leave us for a long, long time. (I know that's a selfish request, but I/we love YOU... and your content too.) Thank you.

Nice one Rinoa - he was a great guy and a really unique person - he was a kid at heart - he sort of couldn't grow up just a larrikin as we call them in australia - he was a great kid (I'm an older guy) he was really authentic, RIP ED.

I have had many a time of dark thoughts. Being a dedicated engineer, we often seem to live isolated lives - we are not the social norm, we are always head down in something technical rather than anything related to popular culture/social media which unfortunately leaves us out casted from main society. Tried to commit suicideonce 12 years ago but failed Have contemplated many times since, been having occasional visits to the 'dark place' lately, especially as I've started developing arthritis at 34 in my hands and knees (not good if your whole world is based around working with your hands). The best phrase to deter you I've heard is 'Never use a permanent solution to solve a temporary problem'. The dark thoughts come but they ALWAYS go.... RiP Ed, god bless and thank you for the good times...

I am a 72 and fee sorry that you have felt so awful but I am selfish enough to be glad you are still here to make your videos I love them you are a breath of fresh air so thank you from London England 🇬🇧🎉😘

I appreciate your honest thoughts.

I appreciate your truth Rhona- thank-you for sharing.

Comments for this one are going to make some interesting reading, me thinks :/ Whatever your take on the situation, I do feel sad about his death, and that he felt that was the only answer.

I like what you had to say here about suicide, and Aussie50, and life itself. Consider me subscribed to your channel now.

Well said. Thank you.

I find your honesty refreshing and I appreciate that. Suicide is a difficult subject for many to talk about, let alone actually deal with the consequences. I'm glad you didn't resort to the usual cliches or some sugary rhetoric. Thanks for your insight.

In the last video a co-worker asked about something to be dispatched the week after. I wonder if he knew then what he was going to do when he agreed with the coworker.

I also grew up in a small town and I totally agree about social structure. We’re all on social media now, but don’t really know each other anymore.

Good point! And I definitely agree with what you said about those "overly happy" YT channels, I just can't stand them, it all seems too synthetic/unnatural/only made for views.

Loneliness is a big issue, especially for many of us techie/nerdy types. It's getting harder and harder to find other people to share our lives with, because everyone is married to their phones and jobs.

You are so right about our individual isolation. Me too.

I agree with all your comments. I very much relate to how you feel.

Thx for the perspective. A lot of good points and can relate to some. I like the take on "happy joyful" videos, and it's not just the videos. All of the social network are like that (or rather the people, no reason to blame the platform) and make a pretty good job at making you feel like total crap because everyone seems to have it easy and better compared to you. That can be far from the truth and just a facade, but its still easy to victim to that crap. Ed was an inspiration, I've learned stuff from his work and he will surely be missed. I do however feel that the news at least raised some awareness regarding the topic among the community. Making the most out of the situation and helping others in similar trouble or helping oneself as a result, might be the most important lesson Ed left us.

I didn't expect that i would agree with your point of view on this, but i do. I'm also sad that he couldn't find a way to be happy, and i think i had a lot in common with him, he was only 3 years younger than me.

Oh boy, your blunt dry persona is only equalled by that tremendous sense of humour. I have some experience with death also but I am surely not as philosophical about it as you. As always a pleasure to watch your videos, keep plugging away, I hope life affords you all the best and I mean that sincerely. 👊😎

Dang no joke? Ive watched Aussie for many many years WOW. RIP

Nice talk, Rinoa. Good points. Thanks for sharing.

I noticed over the past 3 years or so I noticed Aussie50's video output rather slacked off. I feel like the internet, Facebook, etc. has disconnected our personal relationships. You probably know that some of the best gatherings ever can tend to happen at wakes and funerals. That is truly, truly sad to me. As someone said one time, we had no cars and visited people. Now we have cars and don't visit people.

it's refreshing to hear somone who can actually talk sence and say what is on everyone's mind but are to caught up a web of fake sociality to say anything.

I've been single my whole life I'm 21 and I'm a straight guy living in central Washington state working at a warehouse I find that people are very shy here and if you want to get to know them it's very difficult because they are so closed off and it's bad for everyone my friends are having truble finding dates you can't just have a nice conversation with someone without them having a shaking epesode in front of you, anyway my point is a lot of us are lonely even straight people.

I really like your thoughts on this. Blunt or not its refreshingly true. Keep it real 🤘🤘 Rip ed

I think the only thing you are really wrong about in your video was the prediction of spicy opinions and unsubscribers. Seems to me there is too much truth in this video for that. And from the comments so far it would appear most people would agree. While your death humor is dark, and honestly at times a little creepy (some people find it hard to see smiling about death) I have to say that you've hit a few things on the head here that nobody else is saying and some things that other people will tell you the complete opposite. I guess you just have to be in that place, or have been there to really cut through the bullshit no matter the consequences. People need to hear it.

I had a classmate who back in 2006 had a chemical that truned the air into acid it's used in pest control ( she was a pest control technician) she opened a 5 pound container in her car needles to say closed casket was the only option she battled depression I've nearly committed suicide if you look back at my videos for 2016/17 you'll notice how bad my anxiety and depression where

Wow, this hits close to home. Some people seem to think that there is one definitive thing that causes someone to have suicidal tendencies, which is rarely the case. Most of the time it really does take a lot to get to the point of actually going through with it, but at the same time over half the times I contemplated it, there was no reason, nothing had changed in my life, hell I wasn't even sad really, more like tired. Although I no longer actively want to die, I wouldn't really care if I did. Also I kind of feel in a way responsible for suicides. Not like I cause it to happen, but maybe if as someone who survived, I made a bigger deal, raised more awareness, or just did something else, maybe I could have helped someone. Perhaps part of the problem is complacency. We're complacent with the fact that we aren't suffering (as bad) anymore, and as such, we don't make as big a deal as we should about it. Or maybe i'm wrong, who knows. Everyone is different, and experiences depression differently, and needs different treatment or help. It pisses me off when I try to talk to someone about depression and they say "You should talk to someone", (I have clinical depression aka a neurological disorder, not situation depression, a psychological disorder) and since it wasn't treated as it should have been, I now have memory loss (4 years gone and i'm only 23). I have even come across psychiatrists that seem oblivious to fact that there is more than one type of depression. Sorry for rambling so much, and thank you for the videos you have made, and teaching me many new things.

i slept on it many times

Aussie50 was an awesome KZfaqr. I learned a lot from his videos, it is unfortunate that he had it of problems. He kept his composure with his demons. Unfortunately it was an awful way end a life. He was very entertaining and great at what he did.

i didnt know ed. i subbed your channel in his honor! poppy

The one suicide that hit me hard was Anthony bourdain, how can someone that had a pretty good gig going decide to end it all? Thanks to this video I understand a little bit more. Thank you.

my niece suffers from suicidal tendencies, she just finished a documentary on it and her new job is somehow related to its prevention

I used to, cut my grass in the back garden to within millimetres of the ground. And would wonder why no bees or butter flyes came. Then I stated to micro manage the garden and every thing came to visit , today I saw a very small bee in there.

I didn't even know he committed suicide I'm surely going to miss his videos as someone who had to deal with suicide a lot I know how it feels to think you have no other solution Rip Ed

I was meant to visit him next month

Having suicidal thoughts will eventually pass if worked through what is causing those suicidal thoughts. We dont see it and people call us cowards. But it takes a lot of energy to harm yourself because we are naturally meant to fight for survival. I have tried a lot of ways and it was horrible each time because i was deep down with a lot of pain. Feeling alone and defeated as if this time in my life was permanent and no solution. Its easier to judge someone when you aren't in their shoes.

Hi, new to your channel. Thank you for a personal rambly but honest video. You are most obviously a gorgeous and beautiful person inside and out, dark and funny. So I hope - not for selfish reasons of course as I haven’t even seen your other vids yet - you stay strong for decades to come. I am encouraged by strength and I hope you don’t see this as a glib thing to say. My uncle suffered from a serious mental ilness, and my brother took his life. Uncle died of older age, after my brother. Before my uncle died he was so sad about my brother. He said “I wish I could have told him - ALWAYS keep taking the pills and things get better when you are older”. He kept repeating, over a cider (in the pub with me) “it ALWAYS gets better, keep taking the pills. You must never stop taking the pills”. Sounds mad, and certainly not the advice you’d get from a doctor who no doubt wishes to VARY medication and wean people off pills. I have no opinion on this, just passing on advice of a man who suffered with bipolar since the 1950s and his experience. It strikes me as true. Re “the method” I’m afraid I disagree, there are not two types of suicide, one that deserves respect because it causes nobody else pain, and the opposite. I’m afraid all types cause trauma for others. It’s on a sliding scale. I know from personal experience that hanging is as bad as other types. You think nobody finds the body? Maybe the impact in QUANTITY of people is less than train, but that’s not the point. I agree with your survivor bias point. Anyway all in, it was a thoughtful video. Thank you.

On a positive note. So much chest progress :)

Well I guess I'll throw my two cents worth, This is probably one of your best video, You open up, discussed a controversial subject that no one like to talk about. You shown your concerns for others, your feelings, your philosophical view. Many will see this and many will open up and talk about it little more. So in your own way helped many to possible look at life maybe a little harder., better. My view and probably only mine, Life is a whole lot simpler than it appearance is, trust me not a young man, been there done that. (K.I.S.S.) keep it simple stupid. well anyway keep up the good work been watching your channel for quite some time, stay positive, look forward and never look back.... Take care from an old Floridacracker..

Rinoa I really felt like bashing the crap out of this video, however you are you and so refreshing, that is way I like you and your content, well said, I know what its like to be depressed and in the jail of your own mind. RIP Ed, I wonder how Curie is doing?

good this time a little smiley👏

A friend of mine said the best description of suicide I've ever heard, he said, suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem

An ex-gf of mine worked as a nurse in A&E and she had a really, really DARK sense of humour. It's the only way you can keep going working those sorts of jobs.

Hi Rinoa: My initial reaction to suicide is: What a waste of life! To me it is the ultimate avoidance of a future we do not want or seem to be able to handle. Having said that at 79 I'm still hungry for more life. as I get older that may change; but for now it is such a waste & could we have helped. Don't feel bad for laughing, it's only part of being alive.Thanks for listening Brian 79

If an indivedual see depression as a burden to their closest freinds, a solution is very difficult to find..

Can relate. Seems to be a very unpopular opinion, at least when expressed among the general public, but I can kinda understand why. I think most people never been to and explored 'that' place in their minds, not really.

Is there anything beyond our three dimensional world? Where did everything come from? How can we know there is or is not other dimensions. How will we know?

Maybe unsubscribe, ei? Hell no, you just gave me another several reasons to never consider unsubscribing from this channel of yours, Rinoa. The honesty and perspective on all this are... quite frankly, refreshing.

It's not so much that you make videos and we love them it's you as an individual by making videos and sharing your life with us it's like were there with you hanging out it's like having a really good friend we actually never met by making these videos everyday or every other day you make yourself apart of our daily lives and that I thank you from time to time I'm sure when some of us are down a video of your tinkering has and can lift us up please excuse my writing grammar

Damn, thats terrible. I wonder what will happen to Curie.

The one phrase that I hear commonly that really angers me is that 'suicide is the cowards way out.' To those of us who have been to that point, let me tell you, it takes a HUGE amount of courage to do it. More than most could ever imagine. I mourn for Ed. The first channel I subbed to. At one point when we both had more time, I considered him a friend. We would chat regularly. A pioneer of his style, who must have had a huge influence, both direct and indirect, on so many channels today. Whatever you believe, I hope he has found peace.

I suspect people like us, use tinkering with mechanical, electronic, things sometimes as a means to take our minds off what makes us depressed. And yes, it is geeky and non social, but I definately know I use tinkering as a coping mechanisim.

Very good understanding. I also noticed clives video was odd saying it would go away.

Have you heard of the Rat Park experiment? It made good points about how modern society is built in a way that causes disconnection/depression due to a lack of social connections. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park I think it's a little dangerous to say that sometimes the bad outweighs staying alive, as people in a temporary dark/low spot might take that as some kind of permission to give up. (not that a determined person won't find a reason or sign anyways, but still) Other than that, good video! Was fascinating watching your emotions in your expressions/voice/etc. Gonna miss that dude, damn shame it came to that.

This makes me wonder what you're life is like outside of your videos.