It says a lot about how good of a foster parent you were that they had interest in contacting you all those years later. Very heartwarming, thanks for sharing.

I wish every child had someone like you around growing up. 💜

I think (uninformed opinion) that all foster families’ contact information should be mandatorily given to the child at 18-years old. I think it’s their right to their own history and adds accountability.

@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi There are situations where that would be very unsafe for families providing care. I have cared for children with violent parents. There is no way to ensure the confidentiality of my personal information.

I had a question about reunification is there a way to ask you questions privately! Thanks!

absolutely - i've found out info from parents before the worker has told me. and it so so meaningful!!

Could you give an example? I am curious to understand more.

Yes, please

Thinking of you during this transition!!

I try to remind myself of my job in the process. Keep the child safe, advocate where I can, and support the child through all of the ups and downs of foster care the best I can. If I'm concerned, I put my concerns in writing to the worker and advocate and to the judge. I try to make opportunities for the youth to express their concerns first hand. I try to lean IN to the family - offer help, support, babysitting, items they may need for their home, etc. I tell them they can call me if they need help. All we can usually offer is a bandaid to these situations - but I do wholeheartedly believe that a bandaid is meaningful to a child. Just my thoughts!! Others are welcome to chime in!!

Thank you for this question and this reply. This is the same thing holding me back, along with my youngest of 3 kids not yet being on board. We’ll get there. Thank you Laura!!!

OH gosh ME TOO ❤

They are heartbroken.

Same. I think I'm better suited for adoption for this reason

Getting attached is a good thing for the kids.

If you adopted every child/animal you fostered, you would quickly have to shut your door to others. If you are able to let go, you can help a lot of people (or pets)

I’m so sorry :( I hope they are doing okay and you find healing❤

Great question I second it

About 27% come back into care 💔 (source Casey Foundation)

Yes, adverse childhood experiences can definitely rob you of your potential and make life feel like nothing more than an unending uphill battle...

Find your local CASA office and work with them. In our community, they organize all kinds of things for the kids and do all of their holiday gifts. They also do coats, car seats, bikes, furniture. They are a good resource.

Typically the criminal court is involved in these situations - sometimes when the criminal courts are involved and parents are found guilty, there is a protective order placed or parents are incarcerated.

Sadly, this happens a lot. If a judge decides they're leaving, they'd be forced to...Makes me feel sad how little say kids can have in these matters.

@@hannahb7038 That's tragic. There could be something else going on there that the judge doesn't know about. Clearly if the kid doesnt want to go they don't feel as safe at home as they do at their foster's house. 😢

Fairly rare I believe, but does happen. Some bio parents want to forget that time in their lives, other are grateful for the continued support and want the kids to stay in touch

A child may be in foster care while relatives prepare and undergo home study

My great nephew by marriage has been with me for 7.5 years. His foster mom and grandma are on my Facebook, so they have been able to watch him grow up to the awesome 15 year old boy he is now.

The allowance (which I severely disagree with, it should be earned not expected. That creates future welfare citizens!) is only to be given to the child while the are under your roof. In TN it is 60/month or 15/week.

⁠@@HFP-MiddleTNI’m not a foster parent. I give my kids an allowance, not tied to chores. It doesn’t teach a “future welfare citizen” any more than providing food, clothing, housing, entertainment (tv, gang consoles, subscription services, board haves, etc.), etc., does. It gives children a way to understand money - how to handle it, the consequences of not saving for a larger thing they may want, etc. It teaches them not to rely on credit (I won’t loan them money against future allowance), and how to pool their resources (they’ve worked together to save up their allowance to pay for a joint item). I don’t tie allowance to chores, because chores are expected of EVERY person living in the home - we all live here, we all help. I don’t get paid to do dishes or laundry, neither does my husband or my kids. You live here, you help. Children can’t work outside the home to earn spending money until they are at least 14 where I live (Illinois). An allowance provides that. It also means I don’t get asked constantly for money to go see a movie, or buy a fun thing at the grocery store, or makeup - they pay for that out of their allowance. I also don’t tie grades to allowance, because there is a ton of research on how paying kids for “good” grades has 2 outcomes: 1. Cheating 2. Killing kids’ natural curiosity & desire to learn for education’s sake. My kids are teens, and doing very well by any measure. Both are working towards careers they care about & will be about to use to support themselves.

@@HFP-MiddleTN respectfully, the stigmatization of welfare does not have a place in these communities, many former foster children need to rely on welfare programs and support and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being willing to accept help. That aside, these children's whole world is being torn apart and they have very little power over their lives, anything that can give them that power back is worth it. An allowance ensures that they have a little bit of control and stability, plus there's aspects of money management that can be taught to a child when it comes to this stuff. If anything, providing an allowance sets them up for independence and makes the transition into adulthood less intimidating.