When she said “my mother always chose her husbands over us” I felt that. I’m 38 and still trying to get past it. When your own parents don’t protect you, it screws you up for life.

This youtube channel has really made me realize how people on the streets, -addicts, prostitutes, etc, have suffered a mess of harm as children. I don't know how we could even expect them not to be messed up after growing up in some of these homes. It is so sad, but I have such compassion for all of these people. Mental illness is a big problem also. So prevalent.

You’re not alone! I became an alcoholic in my 30’s after dealing with trauma. I’m 48 now & sober 4 years.

I am glad Shana got this space to express her feelings. She is very insightful about her deepest emotions. The core of her suffering seems to do a lot with insecure attachment. Her childhood was of privilege in regard to material things, but poverty in regard to stability, understanding, safety, and unconditional love from her caregivers. These intense fear and insecurity she expresses have to do with not feeling safe or wanted as a child. Also, the lack of trust in people, the erratic behavior, and the sense that everybody will sooner or later abandon her. In the end, she said that she has a hard time believing that people can see her positively or even love her sincerely. The problem of insecure attachment is that: the person is desperately in need of being loved, but when love is there, the person cannot take it inside, as it becomes the most frightening experience ever. I would like to thank Shana for sharing her story. She is very genuine and takes the responsibility for her actions. That is very important. I wish she finds a great trauma therapist that works with her on her attachment issues. She is strong and she can overcome her traumas. I hope also one day she will be able to see her daughter and live in peace with herself and everybody around her. I hope one day she will not need medication or expose herself to risky situations to live fully. She deserves a lot of respect and love. Every time she talks about her emotions, it is easy to see that who is talking is the child she once was. The inner child needs to be healed. Then Shana will be finally happy and will love herself and also the love other are willing to give her.

Home invasion is so terrifying. I’ve been home alone while an addict cut the fly screen and climbed over the window sill in our old place in Marina del rey. Thank goodness it was early and I slept through the entire thing and he wasn’t THAT kind of criminal. Just stole from us. But imagine being a woman alone and seeing a strange man in your bedroom. I had a guardian angel watching over me that morning. I’m very grateful.

I had a very short term addiction (6mos) to opiates from an injury. Getting off them was hell. It changed my whole view of what drug addicts go through. I wish the best for people that struggle with drug addiction. Godspeed.

This was a weird one...when she first started talking her story of early married life, we heard an account of a very normal woman who was once as wife, mom and upstanding member of society but whose life fell apart. Then, when she started talking about home invasions and literally threatening people with murder to take their possessions, l saw a different aspect of her personality entirely. I guess it shows how anyone could fall quickly when drugs come into the picture.

"It's the life I chose." Shana, you deserve better. You can get yourself right. You can see your kid again. It is possible. I was addicted to heroin for over seven years and I've been clean for eighteen years. I fell a couple times but you can do it, girl. You are in my prayers.

She sure did gloss over her father in law finding out she had done heroin and subsequently lost visitation with her daughter for 7 years. I feel like there is more to that part of her story.

I hope she has people around who believe in her and who are good influences. I’m optimistic that she’s getting that kind of support from the mental health rehabilitation she’s currently going through. I’m proud of her. Sometimes that’s all you need, someone who believes in you, which in turn can make you believe in yourself.

I love the question " what is the purist form of love you've experienced". For me, my grandfather's love. He made me feel so precious and safe. I wish everyone could experience that. It may have played a huge role as to why I'm a survivor. I'm glad Shana is on the upside now.

Sometimes I feel sorry for these people and sometimes I don’t

She went threw a lot of pain and in the process she try to make everyone happy, remember hurt people hurt people I hope she gets the right help🗣🗣🗣💯

I am so greatful that you give people who normally don't get a voice a voice 🙏❤

I can only imagine how therapeutic it is for people like Shana to vent to you and just release all of these deeply buried thoughts and emotions. Most of the people you interview don’t seem to have anyone else to share their trauma with or anyone who will care and show compassion the way you do. Thank you for what you do, Mark.

Thank you Mark for sharing the raw stories of people that are all too common but go unsaid. It really helps me with my perspective.

She's very self aware. Shame the world is full of such suffering. God bless her, and hope she can heal herself. I believe she has it in her and can inspire other women like her. Good luck to her

I have been on all of the medications she mentioned and let me say it is amazing that she is awake and coherent being on methadone, topamax, and seroquel. When she said she needed a head change she couldnt live life normal I could relate so much. I'm on suboxone, klonopin, prozac, zyprexam, trazadone, and halcion and using dxm to elevate my mood and give me energy. I stopped drinking and doing street drugs but I can't function without anything in my system. My thoughts want to kill me and I have to shut them up. When my brother held a loaded gun to my head I begged him to pull the trigger because i was just in so much mental and emotional torment. But I'm still here, and oddly this channel and these stories help me get through the moments when i feel like i can't go on. This is my therapy. I love all of these people for sharing their lives and making me feel like im not alone.

A great woman well on the way to recovery. I can see her sober and well in the near future she is very honest about her addiction . Good luck !

Something so simple as saying, thank you, when Mark gives them a tissue tells me that they are kind. I pray to God she continues to stay on the right path, you got this!!! 🤲🌹🤲

A blessing for sure that you have this person in your life that you speak of unconditional love. I agree that because of your family genetics and with you being the 'black sheep wild child' in addition to messed up early exposure has no doubt been a recipe for disaster. People need to wake up to the reality of society. Thank you for sharing your story Shana and I wish you the best.

I've said this before and I'll say it again... Any day that starts with 2 SWU, you know it's gonna be a good day... Bless you Mark.

You are such a sweet, loving, and caring woman. You are beautiful. What youve done in the past does not define you, it does not depict the true you. I hope that help will come into your life and that all your depression, fears, worries, and anxieties will find there place outside of your mind and heart. Please continue to fight! Do not give up! You have so much life to live.

I can relate with this woman a lot. My birth mom was a porn star addicted to drugs, so I was adopted at age 5 into a well-to-do family in California. I've always felt like the outsider. Always trying to be normal and fit in, yet always having to take meds and struggling to maintain stability in my life. I've never been homeless due to family support, so that's good. However, I've never been married or have had kids because I didn't want to be irresponsible. It makes me sad sometimes that I've had to sacrifice traditional love and happiness because I'm mentally disabled.

I wish I could give her a hug. Everyone deserves to feel safe and loved.

I will keep you in my prayers Shana. Don’t give up keep trying you never know what the future holds for you and what if it’s more amazing than you ever thought it could be. Keep working on your mental health because getting help could change everything. ❤️

Shana.... I resonate with you so much when you talk about love and being in relationships. Your idea and concept of it all is something I have been struggling with for years and years. Today I've resided myself to being polyamorous with no want or need to ever have another relationship. So scared of that hurt. It's to painful. And so the walls go up and no one can ever get in. Shew... despite everything else you have been through.... I totally feel you on the relief of finally identifying yourself and dealing with the mental issues. Have a grip on it. I wish you such love and light on your road ahead. You are a beautiful women and a beautiful soul. Be strong. Stay strong.

I hope she can feel safe some day soon ❤️

My heart goes out to you Shana. I pray you reconnect with your daughter!

So happy for the way you're coming out of that hell pit. I too am an opiate addict. Been this way since 1998 from a Fibromyalgia diagnosis. Been off and on them for so long. I understand you sweetheart. Don't stop fighting!!

She is so genuine and kind hearted she doesn’t deserve this

I can totally relate to how she thinks about herself in a relationship. Not being able to trust, hella insecurities, not feeling worthy, being afraid to lose someone important. I felt a breath of fresh air hearing it’s not just me. Also having family with mental illnesses..

Prayers and well wishes to Shana; I pray for her to gain the strength she needs on her road to recovery.

On one hand I feel a real sense of sorrow and compassion for this lady. On the other hand I am very worried about her reactions to her own behaviour and the damage she has done to others. I hope she gets ongoing mental health treatment.

I hope her family gives her time with her daughter. She has been honest about herself and she is trying to manage her mental health. Her daughters love could be motivation to not give up on a better life.

I like her. Very real and honest. I like that she isn’t trying to place the blame on someone else. I feel so bad because I can relate to her so much. A lot of the feelings she has I also have. I’ve never been addicted to any drugs and I stay away from them but all the self hate and loneliness I can 100% relate to. So scary that this could easily be me if I make one bad choice

I'm 190 days clean today from Opiate pain pills. I've gone from 55mg of Diazepam a day and working on weaning down from 45mg day to 35mg by the 28th and I'm only halfway there but it's still progress. Stay the course, Shana. You can do it. People do care for you and you have value and your are loved. Think of 5 things you're greatful for every morning. Start keeping a journal. Write one for your kids so that eventhough you can't be a part of their lifes they'll still have something from you and they'll be able to get answers and understanding that their Mother did and does care for them and that you never forgot about em. My favorite comedian who actually found his mother passed away on the kitchen floor when he was 15. He had a kid at 45 I believe and he has been writing a journal for her every day of her life so that when he passes his wife will be able to give her the journals and she'll be able to read everything through her father's eyes. I think it's an incredible gift that your children will be thankful for when they're adults and will get answers to questions they may still have. It's morbid but it's beautiful as well. I won't ever have children but I think if I did I'd do the same.

I listen very well. She wants a fun life. She also never blames herself.

Praying 🙏 that you beat this addiction...Believe in yourself! This stranger is rooting for you and praying for your peace! You are a Fighter and a Survivor!

Thank you Shana for sharing your story. That took guts! It can help so many people. God bless you.

This interview is proof of how important ethics, common sense and holding your ground really is. If you don’t like yourself you won’t defend yourself. Your sense of self image is very important and worth fighting for. After all “you” is all you really have. Everything else is temporary.

Praying for you girl! You are worthy you deserve happiness and it’s never too late to fix things.. 🙏❤️

I’m so glad your still making your content cause your amazing at it. I am in film and I learn from you all the time. As for your interviewees: I’m just so beyond frustrated at any hate that has come their way. They are all being so brave to tell any part of their story. Even if it’s laced in a bit of exaggeration. I would hope not but either way the bravery it takes to sit in front of the camera is nothing short of inspiring. Plus the black and white still Photography is both beautiful on both sides of the camera, your skills and their courage/tenacity. Every flaw is truly gorgeous. Also anyone who has not see. The Nihilist video please go watch. My favorite so far for sure. Chantel Cooper

Hugs to heart sweet lady Devour yourself in your own words...positive energy will bring your daughter into your life. Best of luck from Ontario

I was on opiates as well pills was the hardest thing I've ever been through I took them hard and heavy for five years functional for probably ten I went to treatment at 47 years old and still clean and sober I hope she stays on this course this is a good reminder for me We do Recover 💜 01 14 17

Shana you are a person with a lot of love, give it to your self first, also you are surrounded with people who are emotional vampires, and effects you badly. Stay away from them, you dont need them to ne happy, in time things will get better. God bless you ❤️

Another great one Mark. She is so beautiful, raw and open. Enjoyed hearing her story.

I believe in her, and her ability to persevere. A lot of people self medicate to deal with trauma and brain chemical imbalance. Shana is healing, and the journey is difficult but she’s striving to be better. She’s sensitive, seems kind and honest, and most importantly is grateful. Wish her all the best!

Absolutely mark honesty is the first step

you know what shana? your feelings have value and I admire you for telling your life story in such a transparent way. I believe in you ! I believe you can be happier

Hey Shana Many people do things they never would sober while in addiction. You’re honest and own your stuff that’s important. You can recover ♥️

I see myself in this woman so much. I've not had such a hard life but all the feelings/struggles are the same. I came to realise its because I have adhd and didn't realise until I was 40. Substance abuse, eating disorders, family chaos, chaotic life. I have always called myself the black sheep..

Recovering addict and happily married 30 years. Thankful he’s still in love with me. God bless you sweetie. Recovery is possible. The drugs and psyc drugs cause mental illness too. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🤗

In extreme cases the Judge will issue a 7 year restraining order or no contact until the child turns 18!!!! It’s more to her story…..

Shana, look up "c-ptsd" if you haven't already. You're worth it. You CAN come up outta there. You CAN heal. You can help others see that it's possible. Thank you for your story. 💜

I admire your short & deep questions Mark, I started using those with my clients, so pure & powerful. Small talks ruin society.

Beautiful lady, sad rough choices. Woman, you are NOT alone. I too started opiates @ 38yrs of age. Thank you for sharing your story

She’s honest with herself. She has my respect.

I already love Shana. ❤️ I pray she continues to be the best Shana she can be. Wow, I want to hug her.

I see deep seeded pain and anger. Psychologically she is so tired and fed up, but she is trying but her past keep haunting her and can't escape it. Thank you mark.

She did the right thing staying away from her daughter. She still needs to do alot of work on herself. So sad. I hope she makes it.

she went through a lot. I hope she makes it.

your doing really well shana, stay strong and succeed on your path, thanks for sharing, you come over well on this interview....it will be great to see you back next year a lot happier with your achievements...peace and love to you

I wish you well, Shana. You have insight and our honest. You are on your way to a better life.

She’s a very beautiful lady inside and out I wish her all the luck 🍀 in the world and a long happy prosperous life ✨✨✨

My heart goes out to you Shana. I see so much to love. I hope someday you can see how insightful and sweet you have become over the years. You have made mistakes as humans do, only to pick yourself up and gather the copious amounts of wisdom from all of it. A true victory to see you here telling everyone what you have seen and learned. Please know that when you love yourself you gain more compassion for others, so I hope you never give up on compassion and have forgiveness for yourself and those that have wronged you. It will also help you heal. Thank you so much for this deep look into your life. I admire your bravery! Cheers.·*´¨¨*·.❤‍🔥

I like about her that she takes total responsability for her life. When a woman says "it's good that I went to jail", that says a lot about how hard her life as a free woman is. I too have all sorts of insecurities and I don't feel I fit in, but I use meditation and prayer and it helps me a lot to feel strong no matter what happens to me. Bless her soul! I hope she finds her own way to find true happiness.

I really feel drawn to this lady to help her as a mentor. She is very intelligent and seems like a very good person. I like her already.

One of the best words of advice 🌺

I like her , i hope she's healing 🙏

As a recovering alcoholic I am touched at all the tines you say the word grateful. Our disease is mental, physical, and spiritual. Our disease is not a moral failing. How could something genetic coupled with severe be a moral failing. You have enormous insight and can see that you are well on the way to progressing in your recovery. Remember to go easy on yourself. Lapse can sometimes be a part of recovery. When I was able to begin my recovery people used to say to me that life will get so much better. I smirked and said yeah, things are going great, I fucked everything up. But sure as the sky is blue they were 100% right. I still can't figure out exactly how it happened but they were right.

We have to do a lot better identifying kids in crisis and helping them find help. Shana I understand so much of what you said from my own recovery. Wishing you peace. ☮

narcisists are never willing to kill themselves. She lost me at the home invasions at gun point.

It would be great to see videos of some of the kids (adult kids) of some of these people. I think it would help your audience better understand the generational issues.

She is so intelligent. She expresses herself so clearly. At this stage in our lives, I think just like she does. It's amazing.

Shana, hope things get better for you. I admire your honesty to yourself. I have hope for you and thank you for sharing. Wish I could hug the 7 YO you.

Sadly I feel like a lot of her story was exaggerated or made up. She was brutally honest in some parts but in the same token I can tell there were bits & pieces she wasn’t being truthful about. She’s a hustler with a mouthpiece & knows how to use it to her advantage. I pray that she overcomes this lifestyle & does better for herself & her teen daughter. Also to get an abortion at 6/7 months is insane & the doctors who performed it should lose their license smh that’s just crazy.

The toolbox of coping mechanisms we used to survive is not Necessary in our current life. We can put those tools away and then take them out when and if we need them. Focus on yourself - the longest Most fulfilling relationship you will always have is with yourself don’t put that on any current relationship no matter how long or how strong. Stay in the rooms work the steps - work with a sponsor - 💕💕💕💕

Shana, u are extremely well spoken, brutally honest, extremely courageous & absolutely gorgeous inside and out; ALL of which are RARE COMMODITIES this day in age. Several parts of ur story and feeling about ur self & life in general reflect my story too. U ARE DEF NOT ALONE! Remember this: U WERE GIVEN THIS LIFE BECAUSE UR STRONG ENOUGH TO LIVE IT! 💕 Keep moving forward & learning to not only love ur self, but be true to only u! I honestly feel like ur daughter will understand now that she's older & can make her own choices about being in ur life. Honey, u are absolutely worthy of true, unconditional love, but it has to be built on self love. U ARE THE DEFINITION OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A SAVAGE!! HOLD UR HEAD UP & ALLOW UR SELF TO BE BLESSED! U DESERVE IT, MOMMA! 💕🌻

I identify with this woman a lot, she grew up in pain in her world and never felt at ease on this planet. Put herself in dangerous situation and stayed unprotected for her entire life. She is an addict in such pain. addiction is not just about substance, it's about the pain and the feelings. once again, thanks Mark

Borderline personality disorder. Sis hug. 🧡

She’s such a pretty lady and seems sweet… sad to see she’s lived like that with drugs dominating her life. So, so sad.

Your channel is not only very nice for a lot of reasons that i'm not gonna speak about, but dude. This is the BEST channel i know for learning english and being able to understand different accents and learning words that you'll never see in a book. (and also every video fell like it's 10 minutes)

I really hope the best for Shana .. she’s a beautiful soul

I DO NOT DETECT NOT ONE LIE IN HER STORY. She's truthful intelligent and a good person.... a good person who has made mistakes/ errors in life as everyone does. May she recover Beautifully

I'd like to see a picture of her when she was in her 20s, she makes alot of sense still...products of our environment

Shana, it’s never too late, Sweetheart! I used for 15 years, girl. I know the game. I’ve been sober (thank God for Methadone and now I’m transitioning to Suboxone) for nearly 6 years (on Aug. 23 it’ll be 6 years). You can do it! You’re worth sober life. Your daughter deserves a sober mom. You are beautiful. I’d love to talk to you if you want or need someone who knows what it’s like and is just a bit further on the road than you. May you be blessed, dear sister!

I want to hug her. Her story is compelling. I hope she gets a life and her girl back and starts over. she's not that old. HOPE FOR HER and all suffering addicts.

I just want to reach through this screen and hug this beautiful soul... Childhood development shapes all aspects of our health leading into adulthood. Childhood trauma- such as the trauma Shana has endured- is one of the root causes of both mental and physical illness affecting adults. It is heart shattering to observe the disconnection from self that Shana has experienced, and horrific trauma left untreated could very well be a big part of this strong, beautiful woman's struggles. When I began my training in Ayurveda and alternative healing, there was some very compelling cases of certain diseases manifesting in trauma victims, predominately cancer. Shana mentioned opening up to her father about feeling broken, and his response was basically to suck it up- this is what we are taught to do with our trauma- internalize it and don't let anyone see you "weak." Have you ever noticed that when animals are frightened they shake? Their instincts allow their body to literally shake off the trauma, and as humans we are taught to tuck it away deep within our body; within the fiber of our being, creating trauma that can have unimaginable longevity. This topic really penetrates my heart, and the lack of awareness and public education surrounding mental and behavioral illnesses is just awful. Addiction was once widely misunderstood; hopefully, there is a turning of that tide through stories like Shana's. She doesn't deserve to suffer like this.. Shana, I know we are not acquainted, but I am sending you all my love as you are in my thoughts and prayers. Om.

Love the hair and she is so pretty . My mind cant process the things she have done.

I relate with her so much. I hope she’s doing okay ❤️

I am so happy to hear she is in a program and on MAT!!

Honest, inconsistent, dishonest, delusional, happy, sad. She is living in her own world of contradiction. I hope she finds peace x

I actually really like her and hope her life starts turning around for her keep ur head up mamas ! You are beautiful 😍😍💜💜 makes me cry hearing her story and hearing her cry from the pain I understand mamas I’m so sorry 😢

Obviously a very intelligent and articulate person. Addiction is a beast.

God bless you Shana. I'm rooting for you.

She seems like she is exhibiting the same behaviors that her mother probably did (manic high and lows, multiple men, risky behavior) - a perfect example of generational trauma. I hope she can get past this....try to focus on loving yourself and your daughter. As you put it 'life is short and you believe in using your thoughts to manifest reality' - put your thoughts in to you and your relationship with your dtr versus finding love in yet another man...that kind of 'love' will always be a superficial love if you don't love yourself first. Best wishes ❤

I hope she gets well and sees her daughter.

I feel for her so much i just wanna give her a hug.

Shana, I just discovered Earthing/Grounding. When You take the time to practice "The Power Of Positive Thinking" (I read the book 📖 at 15), Practice Earthing/Grounding at the same time. I believe you will benefit from the self healing. I just bought Earthing pads to start on my way to Grounding indoors until the weather is nicer outside to unite with the Earth. The Earth is Free, sit, walk barefoot .... Good Luck on your journey!!! 💖