"Alone in a crowd ". That pretty much sums it up alright 🙂

I was diagnosed at 50 as well...I was told by a psychiatrist that a diagnosis was pointless because there are no protocols for assessment or treatment in adults. I was told that I was too high functioning to qualify based solely on the fact that I can drive a car....but my life has been massively negatively impacted by my undiagnosed autism. Its amazing how little understanding there is in professional psychiatry. These videos have been WAY more helpful.

Here is to all the late diagnosed who got 'diagnosed' by the algorithm - thanks for being better at this then most therapists :P

Thank you Orion for having me on your show! It's been great seeing these comments and they have been as helpful to me, as you all claim this video has been helpful to you. I still struggle with feeling like an "Imposter of an adult" and your comments have been somewhat "validating" for me. Thank you again, for watching and thank you to Orion for seeing me and letting me be seen!

The whole “I’m not acceptable therefore I need to work harder at…” thing that late diagnosed or never diagnosed people experience just breaks my heart. I’ve been through, and talked to others who are going through the whole “ I need to know which so called flaws are due to my condition and which are just me.” I thought I only deserved help or accommodations or acceptance of certain traits that were caused by my being autistic. I thought I still had to fix the rest of them myself. There was no question of just being accepted or even accepting myself for who I am. I am now learning that almost every so called flaw or failure or thing I’ve been shamed for is actually related to my being autistic. And anything else is just me. People need to be far more accepting and understanding and accommodating of difference. Life is way more fun that way!!

I’m 39 and figuring out I’m definitely on the spectrum. I agree with her, when I try to tell people I think I’m autistic they look at me like I’m insane and then I try to explain and they completely lose interest because they simply don’t believe me. 😢 it’s really hard to cope with. We just want to be understood and understand ourselves.

Hi Orion, I'm 77, & your KZfaq videos have finally confirmed my suspicions that I am autistic. I've navigated this completely alone all these years. I cannot seek help from the medical profession because I refuse to suffer a 3rd medical bankruptcy. My family cannot be supportive. I've got to seek helpful information online. Thank you for being there! Sincerely, LTB

I was just diagnosed in August at 41. Ive learnt more from your channel than from psychologists....thank you 💖

I sometimes feared I was a narcissist because of my obsession with how others perceive me. I take masking to another level. I have never intended or wanted to be like that, as that isn't authentic. Trauma and abuse taught me from an early age that masking is essential. I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, that diagnosis is definitely correct. I now believe that the stress of masking all my life fed into the manifestation of bipolar disorder. I have struggled with communication throughout my life. Often my internal voice vanishes to the point I can't even talk to myself, and I often struggle to process my own thoughts and feelings. I have a justified fear that if I stim in front of others or act weird I will be deemed mentally ill, which could have very serious ramifications for me!!!!! However I feel so hopeful and positive right now!! I'm starting to understand myself better and can feel a powerful transformation taking place.

For decades I was wrongly diagnosed, but the glove never quite fitted. Since discovering the personality characteristics of Asperger’s it’s a perfect fit, and finally my entire life makes sense. Though I’m self diagnosed, I spoke with my family doctor who, to my surprise, actually heard me, and has put me forward for a diagnosis. The importance to me being, correct future healthcare and support. But there’s another very important aspect. Being as autism is hereditary it means my children, grandchildren, and future generations will inherit autism too. Already, as a family, we are recognising autistic traits in each other and the children and we’re making adjustments as we explore the best way to move forward whilst arming ourselves with tools of knowledge. The hope is that the suffering will be minimised because of this applied knowledge and give the young ones, and those yet to be born, the very best platform to live a better, healthier, mental-health life. We owe people like Orion, a great debt for putting himself out there to help families like mine. Kudos Sir. 🥰

This is literally how my story is. Misdiagnosed w bipolar. Then BPD. Then my closest group of friends along with my own inner voice we all realize I’m actually autistic. I was also diagnosed w adhd when 19. I’m 36 now and I have way more compassion for myself. For years I was also told I am damaged and there’s something to be fixed. I’m actually autistic. Having my longest term friend tell me, “dude you’re autistic” was the best feeling to hear. Bc I am also adopted and did not have genetic mirrors and wondered my whole life why I didn’t fit in. Why I kept getting bullied and misunderstanding people. People telling me I’m Too naive. I have so much more compassion for myself and now I know how to better protect my space and make better boundaries. ❤

I'm happy to say that 50 isn't very old! At 64, I am pursuing an autism diagnosis.

I just got diagnosed last week at 56. My Mother said it was a waste of NHS resources having 3 people sit and talk to me for 2 hours. That is what I've faced all my life and partly why i put off seeking a diagnosis. But now i know why i am like i am and i feel much better about everything.

I was just diagnosed at 66 I had the same feelings as your guest. Always feeling different. Embrassed at melt downs around family always running away.The hardest part is finding a psychiatrist or your own psychiatrist to believe that you have.

It's nice to be validated because it's so frustrating, as a 41 year-old woman, to feel like I'm not taken seriously. The only person in my life that doesn't question my self-diagnosis is my partner. And that's probably because she's lived with me long enough to know. And she's overjoyed to see me getting new tools to help myself - not just because it's helpful for her, but because she can see me loving myself more. Honestly, I would prefer they over diagnosed autism because even if some people are misdiagnosed they're still getting access to helpful tools. I'm learning to see behaviors in myself that I can alter to help people around me. I'll probably never get it perfect, but being able to accept that I'll slip-up has filled me with more self-love than anything else ever has. But, I also sought out tools to help me. It saddens me to know that there are people who would benefit from these things but have no clue where to start. This was such a great conversation. Thank you both, so much. 👏

I was diagnosed this year aged 47 and in one way it’s helped for me to understand myself more and my Autistic children too but in other ways it’s bad like realising the reasons I was mis treated as a child was due to the fact I was autistic and people saw that as an opportunity to take advantage of me in so many wrong ways. Also even though our country may more advanced then a lot of other countries when it comes to autism there are still a lot of people in this country that don’t get it or are embarrassed by it. Especially in my community. And family. I still feel I have to mask a lot. If I don’t I’m ridiculed for not being or acting normal. I found out I might be autistic when my mental health nurse started seeing my kids and then started seeing me so she suggested to see the psychologist they were seeing and get tested. So that’s how I was diagnosed. When I was a child I had a huge meltdown at the age of 7 I was hospitalised for 6 months and the diagnosis was childhood schizophrenia. Just so everyone knows there is no such thing I found out years later. Then when I was in my late 30’s I had another meltdown so my husband sent me to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with Bpd turns out I didn’t have that either. I also have cptsd and trust me when I say cognitive therapy for that was pointless all it taught me was that I was wrong to have the feelings I have. So that’s a bit about me.

My whole life people have been judging me as difficult, uncooperative, and demanding. I was diagnosed at age 57 with autism. I would try to stand up for myself and get put down. People are cruel.

This encapsulates my experience perfectly. 55 years old....delayed emotional response to situations....diagnosed with anxiety/depression, bipolar, borderline...and told repeatedly I couldn't be on the spectrum because I could make eye contact and went to university/well-spoken...Found "Am I Autistic?" program on KZfaq and everything confirmed what I had known internally for years. Took hours of travel and time to see a fairly local psychiatrist who specializes in autism hoping for confirmation and came away with an ADHD and social anxiety diagnosis. At that point I became disgusted and have accepted that an official diagnosis of autism just won't happen any time soon...and I may lose disability benefits due to it...but I know me and my life experiences....and I can only hope things get better/easier for people who come after me.

The draining feeling being in over your head so relatable

I don't have autism, I have ADHD, but your videos are so enlightening about the struggles of being neurodivergent. I can relate. ❤

No diagnoses but pretty confident I am at 62 yrs old. No friends. Children falvored all alcoholic pediphile father. I have no idea where to go from here. Can't afford diagnoses. And I am the meltdown queen. I do best in silence. Thanks for your videos.

Self diagnosed woman at 61 years old, I really do appreciate your videos and your insights. You have in so many ways, and so many times, shined an understanding light on so many of my own idiosyncrasies or experiences. Thank you for all your hard work

So, try being diagnosed at nearly 70 years old!!! The 50’s in the US was a not place to be an autistic child. I’m a survivor. I made it, barely, but I made it! I’m still here!😊

I'm also a nurse, have only recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and suspect that I might have autism. I worked on a medical unit for almost two years and had a meltdown in the break room due to overwhelm. I loved working in the NICU until I got in a unit that wouldn't allow my compensatory mechanisms to focus while working. I wasn't diagnosed for another 4 months, so I wasn't receiving accommodations and couldn't fight them firing me. I currently work in a clinic and it's been a decent fit.

i am 67, i have recently (thanks to you), self diagnosed. i have been thinking i was not normal all of my life. had many issues with family & now i feel less 'left out'. im a new subscriber, and i can relate to so many things you talk about. Bright lights, people talking loudly, so many other things. you have helped me to recognize these things. Thank you! So very much. Since i was a young child i havent felt 'right'. easily confused, anxious, worried about how everyone perceives me. i think i may be understanding.

I have been diagnosed with every single thing that Leslie was diagnosed with. I feel fed up and frustrated with the mental health system. I am on disability. My case manager used to do autism assessments. She suggested that I am autistic. I watched 500+ autism videos and I agree I am autistic. I am getting diagnosed March 2. I am 47. I hope my PTSD doesn't mask my autism. Because I feel like this is my last chance. I am overwhelmed doing nothing.

It was really important for me to get a diagnosis (only very newly diagnosed, btw). I’m 42. My self-esteem is shot after a lifetime of always feeling different, of always ‘failing’ in ways both small and life-altering (for myself and others), which has led to what I now know as a ‘no going back’ burnout. I’m tired (!!!) and I have very little self-trust at this point, so I needed that external, professional validation. It shouldn’t have to come to this, but it is just the way I feel. I have put myself into debt just to be diagnosed, which also should not have to happen. My story is rife with dismissal and misdiagnosis, as is common. I am only just beginning to unravel it all and although I am somewhat relieved to ‘know’, I’m also really scared because I’m still taking it in. All the best to everyone struggling right now. Thanks, Orion, and Leslie.

Wow I ask the same question, im 58 and still feel like a 12 year old mentally 😬😵‍💫

Orion talking about getting called a snake in the grass is hilarious to me. Years ago when I was having my two-week progress meeting at a new job with the manager, a colleague decided it would be appropriate to come into the meeting and voice her concerns to me that I come across as "catty and snaky" and "too sassy". I was a young undiagnosed autistic girl starting a brand new job, learning the ropes and trying to make friends... I thought I was doing really well. I truly do not understand what is wrong with neurotypicals sometimes.

Nice to meet Leslie, I've been diagnosed recently, at 53 almost 54. I've been self diagnosed for two years. We need doctors and psychologist to understand better.

Autism is NOT a disorder. We are highly sensitive and work differently. This planet is extremely traumatizing to sensitive humans. What a relief to listen to others that have similar experiences. At 52, what an absolute relief to figure this out. We relate in ways that isn't understandable to many. Realize who and what we are , then go beyond, there's so much more, our abilities are available to us naturally. We may not run well in "The System" but we're exceptional. (We don't need to use words to communicate) The freakouts are self preservation/defense mechanism IMO. Could be just me. School was the worst🤪 Take care of yourselves, you're all so worth it, especially when you don't believe you are but, you absolutetly are!!💜💜💜

It's a very big nut lol. Yes under or over estimated exactly 💯 Diagnosed @ 58 I had no clue 6 month prior. Loud voice I didn't know about. "It might never happen" grrrrrrr You are so on point Orion. I think diagnosis stops you bashing yourself up for your perceived mistakes. I stayed away from equal peers...females my own age. My life makes sense now. Great interview thankyou both.

I’m truly enjoying your content. I’m a high masking AUDHD woman, late diagnosed at 50, mother of 4, two have ASD and three have ADHD, one is NT. I was misdiagnosed as “highly sensitive” and have multiple health issues, possible Ehlers Danlos, anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia, and that’s tip of the iceberg. I’ve learned to be such an effective masker it’s been a journey finding myself. I’m thankful that my kids won’t have to suffer the bullying, to fail because they hit a wall when they run out of dopamine. Anyways, it’s freeing to not feel like the alien, the weirdo outsider.

I heard from a friend, ten years ago, that he was diagnosed with Asperger's. Since he and I have similar minds/personalities etc I wondered about myself but only five years ago a comment from a close friend prompted me to o to the doctor and trigger a diagnosis. I was quickly seen by a social worker who, after three hours of conversation, decided I should see a psychologist. Due to a backlog, then Covid, this took four years but eventually, at age 68, I was diagnosed as having ASD. This has answered so many questions and caused me to go in search of more information, hence listening here. It's too late now for so many things to have been different for me but I also contribute to studies carried out by Cambridge University in order to help those diagnosed in the future and can definitely recommend that if you have thoughts about possibly having autism then do go find out for sure.

It is hard when you are older especially as a woman who looks “normal” for people to understand why you would need a diagnosis or how you would benefit. At 51 I might look like I am normal but on the inside I’m scared, lonely , confused ,anxious often depressed and really not doing very well behind the mask. I don’t want to live any more of my life like this ..I don’t enjoy life it’s hard work and I only get through by keeping everything hidden and that’s a feeling I don’t even have a word for …a diagnosis I hope will help find both a community I fit in and a some kind of happiness and peace in my remaining years

Two of the things you said really resonate with me. The feeling that I'm just keeping my head above water, and the feeling that I never really belong. The only place I ever felt I really belonged was a couple of summers when I was in college that I worked at a small tourist site with a crew of about 65 people. We were about 30 miles from the closest town, not allowed to have cars, and had every 10th day off. We all became very close and some of the people I worked with there are still among my closest friends 50 years later. We had to learn to accept each other, and everybody was part of the team. Even there, one of the department managers took a dislike to me for reasons I've never understood and had me transferred to a different job with a different manager.

I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago at 49, This video was really great. Being a woman and feeling like everyone around you is doing a dance but you don’t know the steps has been exhausting. I’m grateful for my diagnosis because somehow it makes me feel ok that I’m doing my own dance, I might step on some toes occasionally but at least I’m not ashamed and trying to do something I simply can’t do.

I was diagnosed about ten years ago at 46 years old. The discussion about masking and unmasking struck home for me. I am at a point in my life where I want to be unapologetically ME. Not the person that my spouse and family want me to be. Not the person that society wants me to be. I've been masking and masquerading as that person (or people!) for most of my life to fit in. Now is the time for me to to unmask and let my authentic self shine for the world to see. It is time for the world to make room for mu uniqueness, not for me to conform to the world! Thank you Orion and Leslie. Wonderful video! Chris Maine, USA

Learning about my son's Autism is when the light came on for me.

This has been my whole life, since I have accepted myself as "autistic or spectrum" I have started to feel tremendous relief. Thank you so much for your videos.

I don’t think I ever blamed my parents for my problems not knowing how to communicate with other kids. Although I did occasionally think I hadn’t learned these things that all the other kids seemed to know because my mom wasn’t around and maybe only moms taught that stuff. I definitely blamed my lack of social skills on not going to nursery when I was little. I saw the other kids interacting and knowing how to ask to join in or be someone’s friend and I just sat on the step by myself waiting for someone to ask me to join in at primary school and that rarely happened. I thought everyone else was taught that at nursery and I missed that because I didn’t go to nursery. With my kids I made sure to tell them what to say and that they need to be the ones to ask someone to be their friend (I know I felt uncomfortable asking that as I didn’t know what to say) and remind them to ask what the other kid’s name is and interests are etc. I have also told them to look out for kids on their own and ask them to play. Although I don’t know if I’m simply teaching my kids a way of masking. Sometimes I get the impression that my kids kinda collect surface level friendships a bit like Pokémon. I guess because they say how many friends they made at soft play etc, but they are unlikely to see those friends again. They are still young so I don’t really know how they will get on socially when they are older, but I do hope that they won’t have the same challenges as me. One of my main problems is not knowing the rules for things. Especially if I have heard part of a rule, but can’t remember it. It still happens now. At uni we need to book rehearsal rooms 2 days in advance and make sure we don’t message after work hours or at weekends with a request. This gets quite difficult to navigate. At least with email you can use things like mail butler to send an email at the appropriate time but you can’t with the uni booking system. I’m in my 2nd year now and I only found out recently that there are meeting rooms which you can book straight away on the same day if they are available just by giving the security guard your pass to swap for the keycard and you can just go into the lecture theatre to practice if it is not being used without needing a pass. Little things like that seem to add up for me. I remember having anxiety in art class in secondary school about similar things. Namely missing what the teacher said about which cupboard to collect the paints from etc and where stuff needs to put back. Those types of things cause me major anxiety, but I’m wondering whether it actually is connected to autism. Another thing that I used to struggle with was booking appointments. I didn’t know how to ask or word it. I guess I was afraid to use the word appointment because I associated that with the word to use when booking a doctor’s appointment, but I didn’t know if it was the right word to use to book a hairdresser appointment for example. Sometimes I would say can I book a time etc and that sounded weird too and I didn’t know how to connect when are you free to the question. I was worried that the person would think I was asking for them to do my hair for free etc 😂. I think I have since discovered when are you available and what is your availability like but booking appointments still causes me major an anxiety.

In late teens and throughout my twenties, I was in a group of friends that really enjoyed parties, raves, concerts, places where music is very loud. And since I had no clue I might be autistic back then, it puzzled and weighed on me how just out of place I felt there. And even worse, I love music, it's a passion of mine, I love a bunch of different genres, I collect music, read about it, etc. So there was always a double disconnect for me. On the one hand, I was really cut from the social experience because the noise and lights and constant unwanted physical contacts made it impossible for me to communicate. On the other hand, I was enjoying the music, even if I would have rather isolated myself in a corner to fully enjoy it, without the awkwardness of standing there unable to communicate with my friends. On top of it, I hate dancing and I couldn't even get away with it by "dancing like nobody's watching" as they say. I really wish I could have known why I had those difficulties back then, instead of feeling guilty about being antisocial and just leaving the place like a thief when I felt both sensory overload and boredom.

When I got diagnosed it felt like the worse day in my life. I made the mistake of letting my family know I was going for an assessment. I went for a year, and in that year my family were very dismissive of me being potentially autistic, which really impacted me. When I got the confirmation I was happy for five minutes, then went down into a deep spiral. The first year after was horrendous, and I have basically been just barely functioning for the past four years after that.

Leslie brought up a good point about ADHD and women. I spent the last 30 years getting treatment for anxiety and depression, but I am still dealing with the same thing as I was when I was 22. I'm not feeling any better, but it has only been four weeks of medication. I am still not sure that ADHD is the complete diagnosis. It's such a challenge. I don't want to Dr. Google myself into self-pathologising, but I also don't want to ignore the elephant in the room and that's the frequent meltdowns.

So helpful. I’m still deciding if it would be helpful to seek a diagnosis as a 55 yo woman. My 36yo son just got his after his own son at 3 was diagnosed. What’s strange is that all our family’s ‘weirdness’ has been mostly celebrated, and I tend to gaslight my struggles as I see a lot of my family struggle with the same stuff, assuming ‘we all do this, get over it’. Anyway, thank you for a very enlightening show, I appreciate your guest as well.

This was a great video. I’m a 22yo man, but I relate to Leslie a lot. Especially having people tell you to smile, and not knowing how to be an adult. I especially related to her saying she melted down after her high school graduation. I was sitting in my dad’s truck after the ceremony, and he was telling me how proud he was of me. I couldn’t show any emotion, and I could barely speak because of how overwhelmed I was by the ceremony.

What a great analogy? Left handed person in a right handed world is one I never thought of.

I was just diagnosed last week at 57. I've had several diagnoses throughout my life as well. I'm still trying to take it all in. I really appreciate the information on your channel. It has helped a lot.

Great video. Thanks for telling her story. I got what you were both saying when you're saying that you don't know how to be 50 or be a husband or dad. I am 55 and I just keep telling myself I don't feel like an adult and I just don't know how to grow up. Your channel is amazing. Thank you for the work that you do for us autistic people

I'm now 54 and came out of the closet as gay and an activist in the middle of the AIDS crisis. The USA has come SO FAR (and yet not) regarding LGBTIQ+ and I seldom have the same stereotype issues now that came up often back then. I have the same resistance-nay, MUCH stronger resistance-to my Aspergers/Autism because I don't fit the stereotypes AND I'm not a kid. _I_ know how well this diagnosis fits. No other diagnosis I've received explains so many social issues I've had, especially anxiety paralysis in group situations. And like Orion, I had religious and narcissist parenting, which is too much a quagmire for this particular video page. Thanks for this video. Validation is important in the face of incredulity, bigotry, and denial.

I looked for a group that specialized in adult diagnosis and diagnosis of adult women, and I DID do testing and got a diagnosos of autism at the age of 49. I highly recommend advocating for yourself and getting to the right doctor because validation by a professional is so reassuring! I feel solid now, not like I'm standing on a pile of shaky maybes

we are strong in truth and love.

I have been struggling with the ASD diagnosis because I have felt like I am just using it as an excuse for my meltdowns. But I am starting to realize that they are real and in many cases uncontrollable (thank you Olivia Hops!). It's difficult to shift your whole idea of yourself at the age of 61.

Thank you for filming this video, and thank you Leslie!! I am choked up….I felt so emotional listening to you because your experiences mirror my 21 yo daughter’s path, and the challenges she (and us as her family) has endured. She just received a diagnosis of ASD from a professional out of Somerset, NJ after a lifetime of misdiagnosis and failed talk therapists giving no practical advice on how to move forward in life - and they would actually deny anything neurological. The last psychologist flat out told me my daughter did not need an ASD eval but that her issue was anxiety (and it was caused by us as her parents). She saw my daughter’s executive functioning deficits as me just helicopter parenting my daughter and not letting her grow up. Living in NJ ourselves (currently living in Hunterdon county, growing up in Somerset county)…what you describe as stigmas and your opinion/experience of saying Asperger’s vs Autism - so agree with you! I’m just so moved by this conversation between you and Orion!❤

5:00 i've been called fake by my parent. it hurt because i was never sure what they meant about that. i was sure i was being myself.

I am listening to this, recently self diagnosed, firstly, I have always been extremely self aware, so given the pieces that I already knew, (but living like an over sensitive alien on a foreign planet, letting people close to me walk all over me, ) and having the word Autism (past concept small boy unable to speak rocking ) the word Autism meant nothing to me (so why would it now to others?) So having a piece of paper to “say I am” is equally meaningless to me (56 yrs) but the outstanding thing is the word Autism (me) and ADHD (hubby) now opens my mind, thanks to Prof Tony Attwood “could it be Asperger’s “ leading me to Orion, Yo Samdy Sam Autism Hang out.. Olivia, to the whole road map of the “what” (neurodiversity not “life” challenges) the why “just because!” And the “how” self defence boundaries (ear pods!) quiet days ..saying NO to walking through a field of Cows in the FOG! (ADHD Hubby.. risk taker 😂) it all makes perfect sense! My cure is the validation to be my OWN self advocate! The weirdest thing is, calmness, (and ear loops) has given me more memory, more capacity, more tolerance, more brain power to plot my next move.. thanks for your utter positivity Orion 👋👋👋 edited to add, there are people in my life who I KNOW are neurodiverse, but at the moment, they are happy to “just shout louder!” You know? That will get them understood, right? They are not (to my knowledge ) self aware, so.. they are just not yet open to the teaching that is becoming available.. that’s why these channels are just SO very helpful 💐

I relate to so much of your experiences as I am an older(71)woman who has been told the same things about my feelings and motivations. I am undiagnosed but surely on the spectrum. I realized this a year ago when I had my aha moment watching videos about Autism. My Grand daughter was diagnosed with various mental problems and I kept telling her mother that she was just like I was as a child. She was finally diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome and the mental labels dropped. I still didn't get it until I started to watch videos about it to gain some insight about her ."condition.

I can relate to EVERYTHING Leslie said! Especially feeling like you're an impostor at being an adult. I am 50 just diagnosed 3 months ago.

A recollection of how my undiagnosed autism adversely affected my work life. First day in a new job, I was placed in the middle of a noisy room. Half the room was celebrating an achievement with çake and champagne. Plus, the guy sitting behind me let his phone ring for maybe six times or more before picking it up. There were empty offices surrounding the big office we were squeezed into so I asked if I could use one that aftérnoon. That request was used to justify the non renewal of my contract.

Wow. I'm about six videos in and at nearly 70, I have found my tribe. A relief, indeed! Thank you both, great interview.

So sad to get hung up over labels within your own community when you’ve been mislabeled for life. It NEVER ends. Aspergers Autism. Elevating the minutia vs a life of misdiagnosis and treatment. Arguing over calling it Asperger’s or Autism just divides a community seeking connection. Please let’s respect each individuals preference within our own community and focus on the much bigger problem of calling it and treating it as something that it is not such as this woman has experienced. Please be kind to one another ❤️❤️❤️. Her Story My Story

Never (42yo) been properly diagnosed, here in Bulgaria autistic is equal to be in a dysfunctional state since very young age. I got into self testing through a friend neurobiologist who is studying such kids. Lack of awareness and acceptance for people like us who are functional but unusual is beyond any belive. Thank you so much for sharing.

"You know you'd be a lot prettier if you smiled." ... ... OMG, Yesssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that so freaking much. I have always felt that it is awfully bold of someone to come up to me (strangers mind you ...) and tell me how I'm supposed to feel or express those feelings. Granted now that I know that I'm autistic, that lack of smiling is a symptom. But even before, how do you know my dog didn't die that day? How do you that I didn't just get fired from work? Why is it their place to impose their beliefs of how they want me to act on a complete stranger?? I mean really ... really, are you kidding me?? Leslie, you nailed it! When you said that, I almost jumped out of my chair! 😂

I feel every bit of this but I'm scared to take the next step. Thanks for you videos.

That's exactly how i feel! Thanks for this video! I'm having a hard time asking for a diagnosis (i must be nuts, right?!) and this sort of video gives me courage. Also... This is the first time I've heard about the voice issue and the time and money management difficulties. I'm relatively new to this, but so far everyone was focusing on speech and organization and stuff like that. I'm mentally exhausted atm, so i can't say exactly what i mean... But i didn't identify so much with that. It fit but i was like "well yeah, but i mean, I'm managing... would i call it impairment?" and so on. My psy calls it arborescent thinking, where i take one affirmation/though and try to look at it from every possible angle... That's just how my brain works... So i find it very difficult to say "yes, that's definitely true for me". I usually am "well, yes, but not exactly every time, depends on circumstances, what exactly do you mean by social interaction" etc etc. But time, money and modulating my voice, that's spot on. I can't count the number of times people are saying i either talk too loud or too softly! And of course anyone talking loudly will drive me nuts. Time is a nebulous thing, i have zero capability of assessing how long something will take me, i practically never can tell how long ago something was, I'm sometimes on the wrong day in my head and can't get back to normal no matter how much I'm told "no, today is not Thursday, it's Wednesday"... And money goes through cycles... Like now I'll spend like crazy, then go "omg, i'm gonna end up on the street, from tomorrow i'm not spending anything anymore" and try and do that for a bit, then i'll explode... And the constant fomo inducing advertising and email bombardment is hell on my breaks. I see some art supplies and it's my special interest and i will try to reason with myself that i already have enough, that i don't have time to use them all, that it will be there in 6 months if i actually need to use it and so on. But it eventually all goes down the drain of "oooh but i am sooo interested in this and i just got a new course (i probably never jave time to actually practice) and look it's on sale, they say the price will go up and never be this low again" yada yada yada and i'll crack! Ok, it's also because I'm feeling like an alien and need to compensate somehow. But yeah... It's crazy...

Trying to get a diagnosis has been very traumatic for me. Every time I would try to start treatment I would get some half assed diagnosis (like unspecified mood disorder, unknown mental health disorder, cluster B personality traits, unknown depressive disorder) and bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, dependant personality disorder, intermittent explosive disorder.. I would get so much worse every time I started treatment, even if it was just therapy. I thought things would get better since I learned I have a bunch of ASD and ADHD symptoms/ traits but most professionals assume I am lying to stay on disability (and to get Adderall to get high) because I tell them that I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder and recently have been told that I do not have that. I didn't mention that I have been on a mission to get "undiagnosed" ( I don't know what else to call it haha) so, from what I understand, they think I am making stuff up to be able to continue to get disability benefits. I wish I could lie. I just don't understand why it's so wrong of me to seek an ASD diagnosis, especially since treatment for everything else made me feel worse. Plus my parents were neglectful and mad me feel bad instead of mentioning my problems to my doctor, and step dad even yelled at my doctor when they talked to my parents about me possiblity having ADHD. I've tried every pill that my insurance would cover and different types of therapy. I did recently get diagnosed with ADHD and medication for that is extremely helpful. Its difficult for me to explain/ feel/ understand my emotions so I think that's another reason a couple psychologists think I am lying. There are like no mental health professionals or diagnostic tests for adults for ASD or ADHD in Americ and we get tested like we are children. It really sucks. I'm 32, I'm not stupid and I have learned a lot, but that doesn't mean that I don't struggle. And it hurts that I get diagnosed with personality disorders because I am not capable of manipulation and all that and get accused of projecting my paranoid type feelings on other people since I have wronged so many people, which isn't what happened. For awhile I was convinced I was narcissistic. For me, getting just an accurate diagnosis, ASD or not, at the least it would give me so much more confidence and to be able to be more comfortable and accept myself. Just getting the casual diagnosis, I had more confidence to I get back in touch with someone I had a crush on since I was 15 (I stopped talking to him when I was about 21 because I thought I would feel more normal the older I got and I didn't ) and we are getting married soon 😊. I think getting an accurate diagnosis is extremely important but dont torture yourself trying to get one. AND I cannot stress this enough, do NOT keep seeing a counselor you do not like or that gives you bad vibes. I am very grateful for you an other KZfaqr's that make content on ASD. You guys are freaking lifesavers. I dont know where I would be right now if it wasn't for you guys.

I'm not formally diagnosed but I am working on it..... but I have been watching videos and learning whatever I can and I was misdiagnosed as bipolar and anxiety etc so I can definitely relate to what you say. It took me literally losing everything I valued including my home for me to discover that I am autistic not defective! I just wanted to say thank you so much for your videos! I'm slowly seeing that I am not always the problem..... and that I am not a complete crappy person!

Just came across this. Thank you for having Leslie Reyes on the show. Alot of her experiences were mine as well. 45 and self diagnosed myself, my 25 yo daughter, my mother, uncle, aunt, grandmother and her twin, and probably my great grandfather. A family mystery solved as soon as I realized! Its been a crazy ride! Thank you for continuing to share your experiences. ❤

I am going to say something and please take it as a compliment! You remind me of the Wiggles back in the day. But like in an adult way. There's just this air of friendliness and genuine enthusiasm to connect, in this case the neurotypical to the neurodivergant, and your ideas are always presented clearly and directly, almost knowing the hurdles that might come in a two-way conversation about this and addressing them as you go. It's great. Couple that with the Aussie accent and... well I hope you take it positively. I liked the way the Wiggles (yeah, I liked 'em, watched 'em with the kids) never seemed to talk down to the kids. You're really helping me know my autistic kids and likely my autistic self and I thank you!

I found out I was Autistic when my youngest daughter was diagnosed when she was 16, I was 44.

I can top most of these stories for time "Lost in Spaciness". While checking out my grandson's behavioral issues online I decided to take an autism test as he would answer the questions as a five year old. Oops, that sounds like me, a dozen tests later, 1 paid for, and concluding with the Aspie Quiz, we determined that I had a definite place on the spectrum five days before my 71st birthday. What followed were the typical feelings of relief that something explained my journey followed by sadness at all the damage caused by poor communication and shutdowns. I am glad for all of the communities where people can gain some affirmation. I have known of my place here for ten months now. Thank you from a kid from Syracuse in the U of SA.

im still waiting for my diagnosis, been holding on by my fingernails my whole life not knowing why i feel so stupid yet smarter than the people around me. You have been so helpful in helping me find out who i am. Thank you

I don't want to socialize more successfully.

I was diagnosed in my mid-50's and I'm now 65. And I'm still trying to figure out what was a mask and what was really me, and am I still masking? It became such a part of me. For example, I know that I was emulating a guy in 7th grade who was popular and good-looking, but I didn't even realize it. I divorced 20 years ago when I figured out she was just taking advantage of me and abusing me because of my place on the spectrum that neither of us knew about. Some hard talks with a counselor made me realize I was molding myself around what I thought she wanted or expected, because I thought that was normal. But I got to a place where I didn't recognize myself and felt I had no way out of the hole I had dug. So when I became more assertive after realizing what I had been doing, she didn't like it at all, since she had been controlling me without my realizing it. That was the beginning of my unmasking before I even knew i was masking or what it even was or why I was doing it. When I found out I had Asperger's (what it was called when I was diagnosed) EVERYTHING started to make sense, and even now, when I remember something in the past, I recognize how being on the spectrum affected the outcome.

self diagnosed at 26, being aware of the bias I'm having but still being convinced that there are __so many__ people on the spectrum out there, mucch more than 1-2%. Were only at the beginning of raising awareness to that. And its NOT a disorder in most cases - we need to be proud of ourselves. Einstein, Curie, Newton, Mozard and many, many more were probably one of us. And no, you dont have to be a "genius" to be proud. Our Difference makes humanity as a whole stronger! Best proof: if we were not lovable we would have died out a long time ago!! its NOT caused by any substance X, statements like this are _plain_ stupidity, only!

I’m 43 and a year diagnosed with asd autism I struggle as live with my mum who had a stroke back in 2019 I don’t mean to get frustrated with her but sometimes I do I am enjoying your videos

I was diagnosed at 50 as well. That was10 years ago. I had a grief therapist whose son was on the spectrum, so she recognized it in my 13 year old son and me. Then I saw it in my younger daughter. Huge difference in their lives to have high school prepared to have certain services for them. I'm more in the close to suicide for much of my life.

Good video, thanks to both of you. I was diagnosed in October 2022 at the age of 44. It would have been good to have understood why I was struggling, BUT, if I'd been diagnosed at, say, 5 years old, I would have been pigeonholed and wouldn't have experienced some of the things I've experienced. My life would have been easier but I'd probably have had fewer great memories to recall. I expect my son to be diagnosed in the next year or so and hopefully, we will be supported to make sure he is able to do whatever he wants with this life.

Thanks for making this video. It’s always so helpful to hear other people’s experiences of late diagnosis because it makes me feel that I’m not totally alone. I can identify with so much that you say here. I think you’re very brave to be so open and honest. Society would be so much the poorer without those of us with ASD. So many doctors are autistic. Many University professors are autistic. (No surprises there). All of the technology that we rely on are designed by engineers who are so frequently autistic. So ‘curing’ autism would cost our whole society an awful lot. I think you’re amazing and your channel is really valuable and a real asset.

Thank you so much , I learn't from this channel the "why's" in my mind of what I have experienced with myself and with others. Understanding oneself and others is acceptance.

For a long time my nickname was actually Rain Man. I didn't understand the reference so I watched the movie and I was even more confused because I'm actually not good at math. It actually wasn't until recently that I finally understood what everyone was trying to say.

How about at 70 yrs old what a life I’ve had not knowing why I was bat crazy “Bold and Brash” ready for my next adventure 🤪

i was also diagnosed bipolar type2 for years, i was on so much medication i couldn't really do anything. The hardest part was it didnt slow my brain down at all, it just trapped me inside a body that didnt move anymore. these days i dont use medication at all and just live my life around my own structure and things have been fine. I have a service dog also who keeps me alert to my surroundings because i sometimes fall into hyper-focus and cant get out on my own. I have been self aware of my autism for about 6 months.

Dx’d at 48, and it was worth it to finally have real tangible confirmation that I wasn’t going to ever just be normal, and the incredibly draining constant struggle to mask was just that. Even a late diagnosis can be very helpful to recontextualize the past, and to better move towards a more livable now and future. It can also be a good tool to force a workplace to make accommodations, as it is a recognized disability under the US disability laws, regardless of how high functioning or well masked you may be.

Love these chats with other adults! 💞 Thank you both!

I dont react either. I never panic in an emergency. It freaks people out. This totally has a positive side. I can deal with bad situations better.

I could hear her in a Loving Way! I had been masking, adjusting for the sake of fitting in & being mindful of others that I forgot about myself. It was exhausting! My son, who is now a Husband & Father, as a teen used to tell me to "act your age!" I still need reminders from time-to-time to accept myself as well as others! I too only have 1 volume, LOUD! Thank-You!

Guys this is so so beautiful on all levels. Wow

I once described crowds as being a 'many headed monster'. Now I know I'm autistic I understand better where that's coming from. Could be the c-ptsd in action too. We're a spaghetti of crisscrossing brain sauce. Sigh. Thanks for this, the community of us strange folk is soooooo comforting. We're not mad! Bigs love to us all. x

Thank you Both for this great episode.. Diagnosed at 52 recently and agree with and recognised everything you’ve discussed. Important people find the right person to diagnose.. After a life as you were describing finally understanding what’s been the cause has been a great thing, yes, there’s some grief over the past and some work to do but overall I feel much more positive about the future… Particularly like references to not knowing how to ‘be your age’ totally get that… It’s not like when people say they still feel like they’re 18 but much more as you describe ’imposter syndrome’.. Watched lots of your episodes Orion and shared with those close to me, they have been a great help and saved me energy when I’m not up too or don’t have the energy or don’t know enough yet to describe as eloquently as you. So massive thank you 🙏🏼

Thank you so much Orion and yes I have been talking with family about this .

Whew! What a relief. I'm 60. Not showing emotions in the moment and the left hand analogy left me with no doubt about my autism. What I can't figure out is how an official diagnosis would help me

I am female and growing up in the 90sin a time when females on the spectrum were often overlooked so i naturally just learned to mask just to survive having no idea that’s what I was doing and I used to force myself to go to parties growing up to try to feel “ normal” and I would use alcohol to numb because I am just naturally happier on my own or small social situations. This combination would result in both meltdowns and panic attacks because I used to be so paranoid that people at these parties were talking negatively of me and or did not want me to be here when in reality people most likely did not care and my friends were really just concerned if anything at all because they could be I was in distress. I spent so much time and effort as these parties trying to read everyone in the room to try and assimilate and blend in. It took me 20 plus years to stop trying to be the person I thought everyone else wanted me to be the person I thought I wanted to be to just be me. It took me almost three decades to learn I was autistic. For years i thought I was crazy but I really just needed to stop drinking and putting myself in these uncomfortable situations. I am 4 years sober now and much happier now and more comfortable in my skin. I know what I need now to be in a good mind set. Thank you for these videos they are extremely insightful and provide much needed validation.

Orion, you're the best! Thank you so much for turning on subtitles. I get the "delayed reaction" to big things too. I initially act as if nothing has happened, which annoys people, until the thing registers with me several days later - and then it hits me big and I get a huge wave of emotions. Also, it's sad that we have been taught to see ourselves as toxic unwanted angry people. I fight this in myself everyday - it's my own ingrained internal ableism. Finally, some of the outdated language in the video made me cringe, but I get that each country has its own practices and language around Autism.

I find I am often overlooked or ignored because when i am opposed about anything I shut down and break eye contact - stare at the floor. And so then the issue or subject is no longer up for discussion. Women who are like this are seen by society as the ideal type who know their place, rather than people who are struggling to communicate under pressure. I want to get a diagnosis but i already know the dr will be dismissive because he was with my daughter when she went to him after healthcare officials told her she has Autism. So it puts me off.

Someday I'll figure out if I have autism or adhd or maybe something else. For me, everyday things feel extremely difficult, but for ordinary people those things don't seem like they are that hard. I really need to see a psychiatrist or something. I'm a woman and I'm terrified of going to get a diagnosis because I've already experienced my doctor not believing me regarding my mental health when I had postpartum depression and I was having suicidal thoughts and he said I wasn't (I had to go to someone else to get help). I've had melt downs, mostly I hold them in until I get home and then I would fall apart. I also have been told I was being too loud, but I can't stop it.

I have not been diagnosed. This conversation really hit home. I am 45 and thinking I need to start my journey. I just found your channel today and I have identified with the videos I have watched. Thank you for sharing your journey and making this content.

It will be two years in October since I was was diagnosed wtth ASD at the age of 40 years old. It was amazing when I got my diagnosis of ASD becuase it explained what was missing for years.

SO glad I have found this channel and watched this video. I did not realize my browsing algorithm would present me with something I truly needed to learn, thank you, Ms. Reyes, for mentioning your similar experience. I am 57 with a 16 year old son, coming to terms with my own autistic traits so late (but finally!!) and trying to navigate my son through his. It is a tremendous amount of energy we expend, he and I, just to get through our days, but there are wonderful bright sides to who we are. We don't appreciate that enough about ourselves, but watching others who experience what we do is a tremendous help. Thankyou to both of you!

I've watched several of your videos because I'm certain my adult daughter is on the spectrum. She is exceptionally intelligent in many areas, but very "eccentric" and has issues dealing with people. She shaves her head because she doesn't like the way her hair feels on her head. She walks in circles, flails her hands and repeats sounds over and over when she is overstimulated. I took her to a psychiatrist several years ago ago and he diagnosed her with 7 different mental disorders including PTSD, chronic anxiety and clinical depression, but he said he didn't know enough to make an autism diagnosis. After watching your videos, I think that I may also be on the spectrum. As a child, I ran away from other kids if they spoke to me because I didn't know how to react. I've always felt out of place. I learned to socialize with others by watching and copying other people and I do it very well now, but I often feel as if I'm playing a part more than being myself. My husband complains that I'm always in my own world and I need lots of alone time. My daughter has dramatic meltdowns, but I just become "paralyzed" and rock back and forth when I feel overwhelmed. I am not hyperactive at all, though. I listen to the same music for weeks at a time and it is vergy hard to retain information from someone talking. I remember it if I read it so I read your transcripts. I feel like I may be suffering from burnout because I have let everything around me fall to pieces, but I can't make myself do what I'm supposed to do. I just want to sit alone in my bed and play games on my phone all day. It really bothers me if anyone invades my spaces (the area around my side of the bed, my sewing room and my purse). I work 4 afternoons a week teaching private piano lessons at a music school and I'm very good at my job. They give me all the autistic students because I'm very good with them and they seem more "normal" to me than the regular ed kids. After interacting with others for 5 straight hours, I am mentally exhausted and just want to be alone, but my husband wants to be with me so we usually sit and watch TV because I don't have the mental energy to do anything else. My daughter is in much worse shape than I am and she really needs help. I am the only one she can turn to and I don't want to let her down. We both need help but I get too distracted when I try to deal with insurance and finding the right doctors for her. It is really overwhelming! What do I do? Are there people or organizations who can help us?