Seems appropriate that my very first KZfaq video would be the day we got married. It all makes sense. All the credit in the world belongs to Justice and Mikayla ( Judeandjaelfilms.com ) for blowing our minds away. Subscribe and hit that bell button, and we'll be learning this thing together. All my love.
* (words taken from my IG) *
It was the day before my 11th birthday and no-one came for me except Papa, and he told me this:
He had just received Polaroids, gruesome photos of both my sisters and mother bleeding and bound to chairs. He told me that they had been kidnapped and the note said they would be killed tonight.
See, I had been wondering where they were, we had internal timers and by day three of being locked in the Room, at the latest, someone would sneak in a white bread and mayonnaise sandwich.
But it was just him and I, and with a smirk, he wished me a happy birthday and sent me back to the Room.
That night as I made the switch from 10 to 11, I did so with the thought of them slowing dying. It was in this time, I made the biggest decision one could make. I decided I needed to be brave and meet them in heaven too.
I woke up in the Crib that next morning waiting to hear his footsteps leave, so I could go to the kitchen grab the big knife, do what had to be done, but instead I heard the footsteps of my mother and sisters. They hadn’t died, and looked at me strange as I clinged to them like cats over water.
Something happened inside me on that pivotal birthday: it seems I cry more on the day I was born, then any other, and I treat my candles like annual bargaining chips from God, always blowing them out for the safety of the ones I love most.
Every year, except this last one.
See, I decided that since I almost died on the same day I was born, I have to make the bigness of being alive for another year so huge that even the 11 year old me can even feel it.
And so, I saved this video for a whole month, just so I could watch it as I made the magical switch to 29, and what I am telling you now is what I wasn’t expecting to feel.
I wasn’t expecting, because I didn’t think it possible, for Justice and Mikayla to see our love story as I do.
I wasn’t expecting that 18 years later I could feel myself pick that little girl out of the Crib, rock her dirty, smelly, hungry body in my arms and say, “We made it darling, see, our real life fairy tale.”
The work you have done preserving this day, astounds me.