the blank piece of paper bit was about a favourite memory of mom and Cassie starts rambling on about her mom dying during childbirth. the baby name part was immediately after

"Ellen watched a movie and now that is Luke's problem" has to be one of my favourite types of Oxtra video

I challenge Ellen to wear even more purple and completely vanish into the couch!

Ironically, the film was so bad it cured Ellen of her arachnophobia.

I almost pirated it but then I remembered that my life is finite so I decided to pet a dog instead.

My favourite oversight of the film is how Cassie gets to Peru. The film is set in 2003, so airport security is at an all-time high. And yet, this woman - who is wanted for the kidnapping of three teenage girls - drives a smashed-up, stolen taxi to the airport and easily gets on a flight to Peru. And returns to the US with similarly no trouble at all.

I loved it when Ellen said "It's Ellenin' Time" and Ellened all over the quiz.

One of the ridiculous parts about the scene in which the paramedic dies, it is that later they show the street that the truck was going toward and it ends a bit further into water, so the truck was accelarating nowhere.

“I feel so good today” aged terribly in 30 minutes. Record time

I'd like to contribute some other out of context scenes: - In the process of altering the future to save the three teens, Cassie causes AT MINIMUM five bystanders to be killed. Two in the helicopter ambulance blown up by one of the fireworks she set off, one in a car that she explodes while ramming a stolen ambulance into Ezekiel, the emergency patient who she stole the ambulance from, and the paramedic who she causes to collide with traffic by delaying him. - Cassie alludes to the fact that Ben will one day die and smirks knowingly. Despite the fact that the entire film is about her changing the future, this scene seems to imply that she doesn't intervene in her best friend's death. At this point Cassie is basically omniscient and decides who lives and who dies, and she seems to decide that there's nothing extremely sketchy she won't do for the sake of these three specific teenage girls and one pigeon. It's like Doctor Strange in Infinity War except Cassie isn't depicted as ambiguously machiavellian. - Ezekiel is somehow able to use the NSA technology to download an image from his dreams, then unmask the girls from his dream image, and then de-age the image. Also he seduces and then kills an NSA agent to steal her NSA login credentials at gun point and then continues to use the credentials for three weeks without them flagging that as suspicious. - The reason Cassie and the girls don't go to the police about Ezekiel is because the police believe Cassie herself is the kidnapper, this is demonstrated to the audience when she sees a newspaper about the incident in a diner four hours later in a different state. Also despite being a wanted fugitive, she drives to the airport in a stolen taxi with the licence plate ripped off, boards a plane to Peru, returns and finds the stolen taxi still waiting for her in the airport a week later, all without being flagged by the authorities.

Ellen you forgot the best part about the Pepsi warehouse. Literally one week prior to the finale, the warehouse was on fire and was deemed structurally unsound. So I guess the city looked at that and said 'that's ok we'll put more flammable things inside of it anyway.'

I loved the part where Ellen said "It's Morbin' time" and morbed all over the place. It really says something about how bad the movie is that a *gaming* channel had to talk crap.

I wonder how much Coke paid to have Pepsi in this movie?

When Ellen said "3 spider powered women" at 10:00 I had visions of women filled with spiders on hamster wheels running furiously

All together now: 🎶 show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weeee-kend 🎶

"That's the best thing bout Madam Web : I still haven't seen it yet" ... and never will

The sadest thing about this film is Madame Web is actually a good character in the comics , as is Ezekiel Sims. There is a basis for a good story there but much like the Hellboy reboot .... it feels like a bunch of people sat around and said "Hey that thing is cool, lets just copy that without any context to explain it"

So fun fact, Ezekiel Sims is a good guy actually in the comics, with a few rare events where he's more Chaotic Neutral. In fact he was often shown to be a mentor to Peter Parker.

Ellen seems to have been bitten by a radioactive purple sofa

NYC trivia: The Pepsi sign is real. It was on top of the Long Island City Pepsi bottling plant on the waterfront until 2003, when that plant closed. Pepsi sold the plant for development, and the sign was relocated to a park on the waterfront nearby. It's still there. Conceivably in a fictional universe, after the plant was closed the building could have been used as simply a storage warehouse, for fireworks or anything else

Luke, *obviously* you want your factory to be right on the water. If it's good enough for Amadeus Astor, it's good enough for anyone.

Can I also shoutout a moment Ellen didn't mention, Cassie steals a New York Taxi to escape with the girls but then just drives around casually for the rest of the film as if she owns the car cause no one reported it stolen!! She also steals an ambulance for the climax with no repercussions, which makes me think she shares the same superpower as the 90s film Captain America

Someone please also tell Luke that at one point Ezekiel is going to try to kill the girls with a grenade even though he could do it with his bare hands (which was proven multiple times in the movie at that point), but at that moment Cassie ramps a stolen ambulance through a parking deck at him, he uses his spider senses to jump and get hit by it (even though, if he didn't jump it would have went over him) , then drops the grenade on himself when he hits the ground

"It's Clawolverine time!" went by so fast, i dont think people had time to appreciete it properly

I went to watch this by myself and made it about 30 minutes in and realized I could be any where else. This was the first movie I walked out on in about a decade. I went to a cafe next to the theater and had an affogato with a cookie. It was a much better use of my time.

25:30 - "You've just seen Madame Web. You could walk out of the cinema and get beaten up, and you'd be like: Nice." Luke's delivery of that line is just peak comedy. See, folks. This is exactly what he's saying, you wouldn't have gotten this hilarious line without the existence of Madame Web. The rainbow after the rain.

the same people who made morbius made this... HOW DO THEY KEEP GETTING WORK?!?

I was expecting another Ellening so by the time of the final question I exclaimed "They're ALL the final line of the movie!"

I like how despite not watching this movie, I've gotten most of these questions right, simply by assuming whatever is stupidest is the right answer(s).

For me, the best part of watching Madam Web is that it hasn’t happened yet.

This makes me think of Star trek; ""Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?" "They're all true." "Even the lies?" "Especially the lies."

The “hears prophecy, tries to avoid it thus making it happen” is actually a trope that goes back to Ancient Greece. One of the big questions of Greek literature is about whether people can change their fate.

Wait, I haven’t seen this movie and have no interest: Ezekiel kills Cassies mother at the Rainforest while she’s still pregnant with Cassie!? How the hell was Cassie born then!?

My favorite part was when the girls kept asking Cassie "But when do we get to the FIREWORKS FACTORY???"

"How far are we through the film?" "Not far enough"

Luke's pain is palpable through the screen

It's worth pointing out that this film is NOT set within the MCU and Tom Holland's Spider-Man is not the baby that is born - but Sony are desperate for people to think that's the case. Even the cast were under the impression that they were joining the MCU. Kevin Feige wants no part of this travesty

Don't forget, it's early 2000s facial recognition, used on what would have to be an artists interpretation of Ezekiel describing what the masked Spider-women look like in his dream. And then de-aged with technology that didn't exist in the early 2000s. (De-aging of the time was based off also using photos of the parents, which the girl-in-the-chair didn't have)

This is a much more fun way of learning how horrible a movie is than listening to the droning of Cinema Sins.

Cassie’s power is basically “Final Destination but worse and more ineffectual”.

"My friends call me Cassie. You can call me Madame Web" reminded me of 'Robocop 3': "My friends call me Murphy. You can call me Robocop."

The ad that played before this was a Madame Web trailer. The ad that played after was a Madame Web trailer. I laughed quite a bit during the after trailer.

Madame Web is basically a slasher movie where almost no one dies. Just a super powerful jerk following teens around and trying to kill them. And yet somehow failing the whole time.

Ceiling Man! With all the powers of a ceiling! Maybe he bounced off a radioactive ceiling?

Luke’s exhaustion with learning about Madame Webb is all the more striking when you consider that with his Mom Can’t Cook podcast he watches some baffling movies on a regular basis

When she hits him w the "they're all true!" I died lol😂

The zoom-ins on Luke's face whenever he was trying to comprehend the plot of Madame Web were brilliant

It's sad that they'll make movies like Madame Web but shelf a Batman Beyond animated movie in the style of Spider-verse

There's no explanation as to why Ezekiel has his spider-suit; does he do whatever a spider does? Not that we're aware of. He also turns up to murder the three teenagers on a train, in front of many witnesses, in his ordinary clothes before changing into his spider PJs to assault the police. I don't think Cassie actually drank any of the Pepsi products, I think she just held them awkwardly to make sure the branding was towards the camera.

Ellen made this sound like the funniest comedy of the year

Video idea: can Ellen completely camouflage herself into the couch?

I get why Luke looks defeated by the end of the video but at least he didn't have to sit through the dumpster fire of a film. Full respect to Ellen for seeing it and not walking out 🤣

1. It’s not a name guess. The paper in the hat is “your favorite memory with your mom” or something like that. 2. I watched it alone, had watched Dune 2 earlier in the day. Had a great time. BUT: The best part was when she was blind and paralyzed. The madame web I remember from my childhood.

I loved this episode of "Now it's like you watched it, only worse" 😂😂 It's a game my friends and I play all the time; just recently I summarised the plot of about half of a 100 episode kdrama series to my friend over facetime in a breathless rush of 30 minutes, and she's been ASKING FOR UPDATES. I really need to finish it. Anyway, I had no idea this film even existed, and now I don't have to worry about it! Will be randomly cracking up for about a week, though, so thank you, all three of you (very much enjoyed Producer Jon's commentary as well) ❤

🎶 Show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the week eeeennnnnd 🎶

New Yorker here-- I've seen a couple different reaction/review videos baffled by the Pepsi-Cola sign in the movie but it is a legit location here in NYC! It was first made in the 1940s and once hung over Pepsi's bottling facility along the waterfront in Queens. It was given official Landmark status in 2016 and now hangs in Gantry Plaza State Park! (Though I can only assume product placement $$ is the main reason that scene was set there at all lol)

😂😂😂😂 this and Pitch Meeting is the only gift Madame Web gave to the world . I wish you had mentioned the dancing on table scene 🙀

If an Adam Scott’s character’s name is Ben, my mind definitely will autocomplete it to Ben Wyatt

Madame Web kicks ass, she can see the future so well that she can fight someone as strong as Spider-Man by perfectly arranging events like smashing into him with a New York taxi, and then dropping an ambulance she’s driving 50 feet onto him, saving Ben and the girls, she REALLY Final Destinations him

There's just so many more hilarious parts to this movie. Like when they scared off a super powered bad guy who was standing on an ambulance by putting defibrulators at the ceiling of the ambulance, the absolutely spectacularly bad lines they added through ADR or the fact that Cassie would have missed the bad guy when driving an ambulance out of the first floor, but then the bad guy jumped up towards it 😂

I love how we didn't even precede this video with a spoiler warning for Madame Web. 😂 29:05 Luke, have you seen Nicolas Cage's Next?

What do you get if you film a movie, rewrite it extensively during filming, then rewrite it again after filming, remove all explicit references to Spiderman after filming when you own the IP ... decide to remove all the dialogue of the villain and re-record it badly, and give the project to a bad director .... I would say there is an OK plot struggling to get out ... but there is a badly written movie that was then ruined by the studio ...

I didn't know I needed thirty minutes dunking on a film I'll never see, but oddly, I did. Now everyone go and watch Nimona.

I knew 'Ellening' originally as 'Calvin Ball' from the comic strip Calvin and Hobs.

As a massive fan of Spider-Man and anything Spider-Man adjacent, these characters all deserved so much better than to be in this film.

Also at no point does Ezekiel think "Hey maybe I should plead my case. Please, teenagers who don't know me at all, I have a horrible recurring nightmare vision of you turbo murdering me with spider-powers, and it would be great if we could come to an agreement to not do that, on the basis that you've never even met me so like, don't?" Of course he probably shouldn't have killed Cassie's mother, but hey, sometimes you get caught up in a bad decision and don't send your partner away so you can snag Spider Powers.

BTW, because the film is cheap the same forest is used as the Amazon and also the forest that Cassie abandons the teenage girls in. So, because the film has a problem with characters traveling absurdly far with no delay, it kinda totally looks like she dumped them in the Amazon Rainforest.

The thing is. I am a HUGE Spiderman fan. Like. For Decades been a fan. So I am pretty familiar with the character and DESPITE the movie. Madam Web is honestly a really cool character. (So is Morbius. But they ruined him to) So honestly. I can not even watch these movies.

Fun fact. The writers of Madame Web and Morbius also wrote 2016's Gods of Egypt

I can't believe a human proposed this, got it approved by others, wrote it with a team, got actors, a crew, and a director together, yet no one thought "this sucks" anywhere in the process. Like, there are so many good film concepts that never come to light but this did? How? Why?

As someone who saw Madame Web too… I still find it bafflingly funny that the main villain was defeated by a Pepsi sign, and at the same time, Madame Web herself also got blinded by fireworks… which were BOTH at the same factory

There already is a film that tries to teach you "life is pain", the rest of the quote goes "...anyone says differently is selling something".

I'm having so many flashbacks to my experience of watching Cats the movie. It genuinely felt at times like I was having a sleep deprivation fever dream.

I’ve been having a rough couple of past days, but this genuinely helped put a smile on my face. Thank you.

8:56 He actually takes on the mantle of Spider-Man at a few points in the comics and is more of an anti-hero-esque character. 26:28 She has telepathy (which includes being able to do psychic surgery on other people's minds), clairvoyance and prescience with a touch of astral projection thrown in there for good measure. She definitely isn't all powerful, but she sort of pulls the strings in the spider verse in the comics at least. She's oddly tied to the spider people especially Spider-Man which sets off the events that Into the Spiderverse stole from where she gathers Spider-Man from multiple realities to stop Spider-Man who is fused with the Carnage symbiote from destroying the multi-verse.

I also love the part where she has kidnapped these girls but wants to go to peru so she just calls ben to come look after them. At no point does it show her talking to him about whats happened or does he see any of whats happened but just does it cause hey, hes a good guy

I think they're actually implying that this movie is connected to Andrew Garfield because they're talking about his dad being off gallivanting around the world, which is something Andrew Garfield's dad does. But honestly this movie is such a mess that who the f knows LOL

23:48 Lmao you can hear someone off camera absolutely cracking up from this joke, and that makes it so much funnier.

My favourite thing was the timeline. Everything from the Grand Central Station attack to the diner attack happens in the same day, but in the diner, a man calls the police after recognising the 'kidnapped' girls from the newspaper in his hand - HOW DID HE GET THAT NEWSPAPER ALREADY? (Also, Cassie gets to and from that exact spot in Peru on commercial flights so fast that that section of the movie also takes less than a day.)

The KEY thing about Madame Web is that she’s a campy snarky 80 year-old lady on life support who gives Spider-Man wierd prophetic advice, and she looks like a Nosferatu, so it’s incredibly funny to make her a young superhero type. You gotta look at it’s as a Final Destination teen slasher with the Smider-Man IP

It was not an Ellening. She did not put in a blank piece of paper for guess the baby name, she put in a blank peace of paper for best memory of your Mum game where the Mum to be has to guess whose memory it is. And then told everyone it was her cos she had no memory’s cos her Mum died in Child Birth to the expectant Mum. She just left rather than guessing the name which had to be done outloud not written. Honestly was no one paying attention to this masterpiece. 😂

I love how Luke died at the end and then just stayed there while Ellen finished.

11:26 I love that this is Luke's reaction at just 1/3 the way through the quiz, what a saint

There's no way Cassie could be held responsible for the ambulance crash. That truck waited for the captain to drive there, driving full speed at what would be the end of the road into the river, and the Captain didn't look both ways at the stop sign [that wasn't there].

Ellen, just turned into Collin Robinson.

I love experiencing a trainwreck piece of media through secondhand information without having to actually submit myself to the piece of media in question. Thank you Ellen, this was great!

I have not seen "Madame Web" yet, but I am now more interested in doing so.

You could tell by the trailer that they writers had No Clue about the comic character. Much like many of the Sony movies, so I'm not sure why anyone is surprised the movie tanked. What is really bizarre, is that Someone At Sony greenlit this movie. Somebody read the script and said "yeah, that will be great let's run with it".

The web is wide. Wait, that's Natural Six.

Haven't seen madame web memes, which is proof that Morbius is way better

I remember Madame Web from the 90s Spiderman cartoon. She's a great character for 5 minutes of airtime.

My favourite part of The Matrix is when Morpheus said "Its Morphin time" and assembled the Megazord

Oh I'm 100% here for this

It's so, so clear that at some point during shooting a lot more Spiderman related content was stripped out so this film could die in a vacuum outside of the canon. On a positive note, it seems Dakota Johnson is entering a new arc of her career where she has just stopped giving a ####, and I am here for that.

Luke's read on the "future hasn't happened yet" line is 100% analogous to Sony's Spider-Man film slate. There's a load of s*** to come but at least it's not here yet! 😂

Madame Web saying to herself "I can change the future, I saved that pigeon!" In every situation she gets into.

Madame Web is "The Room" levels of "So bad, I kind of have to see it".

I respect the hell out of her Blake Belladonna shirt. ❤

Just stumbled across you two. This is wonderful content. You two are a blast together

It's pretty sad that atrocities like this movie are deemed the good option by whoever decides these things, when instead they could actually make good movies with good writing and good plots and make substantially more money. They're just 'nehhh thats just more work that we need to spend money on' As someone who hopes to be a writer, i'm frankly scared when the future seems to be increasingly sandwiched between corporate greed and artificial intelligence.