It’s also interesting to see how refreshing it is to see someone who is real and authentically themselves, even for their flaws. I have general and social anxiety, and basically anyone I know either knows this about me or eventually finds out, because I’ve decided not to hide it anymore. I’m working on it instead. Wearing that “shame” right on my sleeve is kinda helpful, because a lot of people relate and haven’t had the courage to display that vulnerability. Turns out I’m not such a weirdo after all.

word.

@@mariecarie1 so true! I’m glad you’re doing life being authentically you! Many don’t have the courage at all. I’m trying to be better about it, the overthinking is a long term illness I sometimes don’t even realize I still struggle with. I’m trying to get better though.

@@GetKaseFit It’s a struggle to be sure. It’s a process. I won’t say I’m always 100% authentic-like, at all-but I’m working on it. It’s a fine line between riding social norms and being your authentic self sometimes. The norms are necessary for basic human interaction, but it’s easy for those of us with anxiety to let them rule over us in a destructive way.

@@GetKaseFit And yes, you’re right-we internalize our thinking fallacies to a point we don’t even recognize them. We were never taught how to identify them in the first place! We don’t realize we’re overthinking until someone points it out, or after a LOT of practice. It’s work to get better. But it’s good work, and worth it.

okay why did that actually help tho

@@missbear2385The things we fear very rarely ever happen. Though we can't control what thoughts come into our minds, we can control what thoughts we choose to entertain. So, focus on positive, constructive & uplifting things. "You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this and you will find great strength." -Marcus Aurelius All the best!

@@Belief_Before_Glory thanks love

@@Belief_Before_Glory except for when they do happen

@@dallymoo7816 Hi Dally Moo, Even when they do happen, albeit infrequently, we can, oftentimes, glean valuable life lessons from these challenging experiences... "What would have become of Hercules do you think if there had been no lion, hydra, stag or boar - and no savage criminals to rid the world of? What would he have done in the absence of such challenges? Obviously he would have just rolled over in bed and gone back to sleep. So by snoring his life away in luxury and comfort he never would have developed into the mighty Hercules. And even if he had, what good would it have done him? What would have been the use of those arms, that physique, and that noble soul, without crises or conditions to stir into him action?" -Epictetus. All the best!

Please don’t! Many have already forgotten and have moved on. Thanks

You can share the story here, with us. Opening up usually helps. What was the stupid thing?

Complex trauma. Complex trauma describes both children's exposure to multiple traumatic events-often of an invasive, interpersonal nature-and the wide-ranging, long-term effects of this exposure. These events are severe and pervasive, such as abuse or profound neglect.

The therapist said you should shift your attention to the things and people present around you, and stop that egocentrism.

It helped me A LOT realizing that i remember a lot of my "awkward behaviours" but i do not remember one awkward thing that any other human being have done, absoluyely none. So i'm sure that we only remember things that we think were quirky but no one else remember quirky things that others have done so just fuc* it! (English is not my first language)

That's a great litmus test. LOL We seem to hold ourselves to an impossible standard, while showing grace and kindness to others in similar situations.

I feel you. I’m also autistic and that’s all I could think about with this video and reading the comments. It’s arguably, in some ways, a lot more difficult and traumatic when it’s not just social anxiety but autism, even ADHD. I didn’t know I was on the spectrum until a couple years ago (I just turned 30) and I’ve still never been able to get over all of the bullying because it wasn’t just social anxiety that made me susceptible, it was growing up an undiagnosed autistic. The continual failed social interactions, lack of friendships and empathy from others just kept piling up. It’s very much an affect of trauma and continually being traumatized from bullying and misunderstandings.

Yeah, this. I have ADHD and I grew up constantly rejected by adults and peers for just being incapable of acting normal. I'd say things that I thought were completely innocuous only to be met with fear and disgust. It's kinda hard to tell myself that I don't need to overanalyze my interactions when overanalyzing my interactions is how I became tolerable to be around. I'm afraid that if I stop ruminating, I'll fall back into old patterns and the friends I gained by acting more normally will reject me.

I think this comment deserves thousands more likes

Having been bullied myself it can have serious consequences to be misjudged. Job loss, mistakes in court, medical mistakes etc.

I also have autism and ADHD, and I can agree, social situations are hard. For some reason, anytime a stranger even looks at me in public, especially in the eyes, my heart starts beating and I feel intimidated by them and immediately turn my head away from them, like I feel like they're judging me inside. Thinking on it, it's like, maybe I'm overthinking, but I've also been bullied a lot in school and that has really destroyed my confidence and self esteem. I tend to internalize every little comment or look I get from others since I'm sensitive, and that has made me feel like I'm too sensitive and that I need to change in order to 'survive' and to be strong. I also struggle with so much perfectionism with the way I speak and interact with others, even friends I know well. Like I feel so awkward when I speak sometimes, and I'm always worried about how I come across and how clear I am (even though most of my friends and family tell me I speak clearly). I'm trying to tell myself that everyone makes mistakes and that I'm okay. Even though things are hard, I am getting through it and I'm slowly building confidence in myself. I feel like the answer to all of it is to try to think higher of yourself and build yourself up so that it's harder for others to knock you down. Social anxiety is hard, but you are stronger than your social anxiety. I promise things will get better with patience. But I'm honestly fine with my small circle of friends, I don't care for making new friends now. When you spend time with people who _really_ love and accept you for who you are, that can fuel you.

Great show. And a great point! I see Santiago sent you

That’s a great take on that show,thanks for the tip

I know exactly what show you're talking about and I actually stopped watching it after a couple of episodes b/c it made me cringe with anxiety :D

And The Office helped me a lot. Seeing them in awkward situations made me see that everyone is having the same experiences. I felt more connected

My therapist told me, “Don’t should all over yourself.” As in, thinking, “I should’ve said this, should’ve done that, shouldn’t have said or done this,” etc. There’s self-eval, and then there’s “should”ing, or rumination. An interesting way to remind myself not to judge myself more harshly than I’d judge anyone else.

Trauma stuck inside our body make us prolong invalidation and self hatred. Instruction to label our overthinking as pathology will continue trauma, abuse, invalidation and self hatred. "Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame." Peter A. Levine

@@mariecarie1 your therapist liked Albert Ellis then!

but it's easier said than done.

@@rachaelb2381 Yes, you're right! I'm still having trouble with it.

Cheers man

Thankyou

Thank you. This Comment made me cry from relief. I really needed read that.

Did you drink alcohol ?? That could be why it is a depressant

@@dallymoo7816 No, I just turned 21, and only drink at my home for now until I get a feel for how it affects me.

Same here. Sometimes when I've had particularly good social interactions with family or friends I go home and feel bad or even cry because I think I was acting out of character or too erratic and what they might think of me now. It defenitely stems from being judged harshly during childhood and I got extremely guarded as a teen not sharing much of my personality. So now when I do share my true personality I feel almost exposed and very vulnerable and I'm scared it's bad and that I'm going to be judged for it. Just remind yourself that you're good enough the way you are and that you don't need others approval.

🥺☹️ this is how I feel currently. This is what brought me to this video.

This! What a brilliant coping technique! I've been thinking how weird it actually is when people do that. To me it sounds like some form of obsession or even fetishism. You're 100% right! You're brave for switching your perspective on that.

@@rezajankov5671 thank you for saying that! I think a lot of my fears about what others are thinking about me might be just in my head. But yeah I’m thankful I found a way to release myself from that. A couple weeks ago my bf and I were having a tense conversation in my apartment. Not yelling, just serious. Later my bf said “I think your neighbors were outside the window and heard us” and in the past I would have felt humiliated and worried about what they were thinking. But instead I responded to him with “really? If they were listening in then how creepy.” It’s a little more freedom I’m giving myself and I recommend it

​@@MiciousDawn I just say, "Let them listen then".

That is one of the reasons I love her channel. I sense her real desire to help others.

Agree🙏

She gives me the best vibes ever!

There's always something to learn from Emma's videos!

...I'm simply wired for protection

You’re not wired like this. Like B said, there’s a history there. Plus in general human brains do tend to remember negative events more than positive ones. Like most celebrities say in interviews, they don’t read comments because out of 100 nice ones, it’s the 1 negative one that they’ll remember and will stick with them. So no one is exempt from it! Very very few people and I think the rest of us have to really work at it. B’s book recommendation sounds interesting. I would look that up. My personal recommendations are: 1. Therapy. Like in the video, try to follow these guidelines and try and rewatch it as many times as you need, take notes, and apply them to your life to interrupt these thoughts. Seeing a therapist of your own will help a lot too in terms of accountability and helping you get to the root of it al. 2. Meditation. It’s something I’m exploring because I struggle with this too. It helps you be in the moment at every present moment and train your mind to be that way instead of stuck in the past or worried about the future. So if you’re washing the dishes, you will just be focused and present at washing dishes or listening to the music you’re listening to while washing dishes. Not thinking about an event from earlier that morning or years past. I find that helps a lot. Training the mind is a lot of work but definitely worth it! So we won’t have to live in misery and anxiety anymore and just have more pleasant interactions all around. More friends, more joy, more laughs, more fun! I definitely want to say at the end of my life that I laughed a lot. Hope you find your methods that help you too and take these recommendations into consideration. Wishing all the best of luck to all of us on this journey!

@@bksvdb do you recall the author of this book?

@@mp5690 It's by Eckhart Tolle

@@mp5690 Echart Tolle wrote that book.

i feel you... this thought wouldn't leave me in peace for my whole previous year of school as i went to a new school for the first time. that's when social anxiety literally punched me hard in the face. i discovered a lot of my insecurities but at the same time got some vital experience. today was my first day as a new student in another school once again, and it went SO MUCH BETTER. i was finally able to prove to myself that I CAN GO OUT THERE. now i'm even excited for tomorrow much love💘

@@mariaiakovleva8356 I have the same feelings as you as a student, despite all the insecurities related to my social anxiety. Thanks for sharing your experience

Interns aren't supposed to be perfect, anyway.

This happens to me a lot too.

"Why am I like this" is something I always say 🥹

We’ll said! My goal isn’t to never hurt someone but instead to recover gracefully and humbly when it inevitably happens.

Ohh this is so relatable :DD

Yeh totally agree! Happens all the time!

I'm the same way. Even through text. I'm always asking my husband should I say this or ask his opinion on the way I worded it 🥹 it's tough.

@@jenivettebigham7060 omg yes! I prefer txt bc you dont have someone watching and waiting for your response in person or call... but i think it kinda makes anxiety worse because you can re-write 10+ times and judge every wording the worst way when in reality the first one was fine haha.

That’s a good joke, thanks 😁

That's a Pink Panther gag: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/p9-geNidzc-scas.html

I also notice little things about people and it makes me think they notice these things about me. You and I are sensitive people and most people aren’t like us. That’s a relief 😅

I also notice (n remember) little things; and think others notice/ will remember my little mistakes too.

I understand this . sending you love!

Taught the same plane and simply

Good luck 🍀

Good luck!

Thank you for sharing. I could have written this exactly. I just had my second interview, I’m currently ruminating about it, but they’ve asked for references so I think the offer is coming. We got this! Best of luck to you.

How did it go?

I had a therapist who told me to be mindful of every time I insult myself ("I'm so dumb!" "I'm so freaking awkward!" etc) and use a kind voice to say that no, I'm not. Basically, the "would you say that to a friend" advice, except talking to yourself. ... Unfortunately that was years ago and I still do it. 😅 But I DID start a habit of doing what you do, following up immediately with "no you're not, you're just human, everyone does stuff like that!"

Good for u to be able to do this. Sounds awesome. Seems u have learned to live with this

Thank you so much for this🙏

YES You've phrased this so so well! That's exactly what it is.

"I try to use them to get out of my head " Nope, that is wrong conclusion and wrong direction. This is why CBT is wrong and detrimental to socially anxious individuals - it instructs us to self pathologize and to prolong toxic shame: deep core belief that we are weird, different and that we must fix ourselves in order to crap fit into abuse. Accept it - this overthinking is part of abuse - we were criticized relentlessly when growing up by untreated mentally ill ambient and now we overthink since we were conditioned to overthink. Overthinking is hypnosis and trauma stuck inside our body - it was survival mechanism. IT is totally normal by product of abuse. The problem is not overthinking - overthinking means our brain is functioning as it ought to function. Without this ability we would be autistic, egocentric (stuck only in our tunnel vision to ponder about) and possibly sociopaths since we would not have ability to consider what other people think and want. Accept it as Darwin evolution - we were exposed to predators and now we developed thorns like rosed developed them as reaction to predators. If we are kind, nice, if we have no evil agenda, if we have no desire to cause harm, hurt and pain to other people - there is nothing wrong with us, nothing to fix. IF we follow CBT advice to label our reaction to trauma as severe personality flaw - we will develop more anxiety and mental illness, and we will live in toxic shame: deep core ingrained belief that we are incapable to handle and manage life. Accept overthinking and manage it: cut toxic people. Think overly about who is toxic - how they act, what did they say. There are fake people out there with manipulation tools and desire to exploit other people. Abuse made us aware of toxic people and predators - and overthinking is our grown ability to detect toxic people. If we were in psychological security ambient, if we were around safe normal and kind people - we would not over think. "Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis. This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people. It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation. I really suggest trying to view it as neutral. HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared. Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron

Good for you!

Self abuse is part of trauma. We were conditioned to fix ourselves in order to crap fit into abuse. We were made blind to see that instead of pointing finger at ourselves that we start pointing finger at toxic people, retort to them and cut contact with them. As Lundy Bancroft said: "Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."

Similarly, if I make a mistake, especially at work, I try to remind myself that no one died because of my mistake. It helps me be a little bit gentler with myself.

Yeah I learned this a few years ago and it's helped me a lot. Also, going into something scary and telling myself "whatever happens, I'll be ok afterwards" or at least "I may not be ok immediately afterwards but I have the skills to take care of myself and then be ok a day or two later"

​@@evercuriousmichelle "remind myself that no one died because of my mistake. It helps me be a little bit gentler with myself." We were never the problem, it was toxic people. Covert narcissists. They present themselves as friends or help but abuse us actually. We empaths and HSPs have high moral and ethical standards. That is why we are "not gentle" to ourselves. With trauma we never learned how to self validate nor how to develop self worth, self love, self expression. This way, we developed toxic empathy, toxic shame - and this trauma is stuck inside our body, it resurrects with criticism. This is critical point. Toxic people sniff us out. They know we care - so what manipulators and pathological liars will do - is that they will trigger our urge not to make mistake. They will nitpick our urge that we do not harm other people. And they will mock our lack of knowledge - even though we are much more smarter and far intelligent then bullies and abusers. How they do this? They simply criticize our mistakes - and present them as catastrophe. They do not care if we do it for the first time and when mistakes are natural and normal part of any activity. They mask this abuse, bullying and mobbing by guilt tripping us - and we are never even aware that we are being hijacked, mobbed, bullied by them. Instead - we are made to believe into guilt - and then we self blame. Then we believe that we are not gentle to ourselves, as you explained it. We live in sick, manipulative, Trump, criminally insane world with mentally ill aggressive sick people - guilt tripping honest and authentic and true people like us - since we are not evil - we do not have any reference point to recognize evil in other people - especially if they wear a mask of nice, kind, pleasant person - similar to narcissistic character Sigourney Weaver played in Working Girl (1988). As Dennett said - we are all zombies. Psychopaths are pulling our strings of empathy and play us around like toys for their agenda. We need to wake up and realize that self blame, guilt, shame we feel - stems from predators, abusers, manipulators, toxic people - masked behind good and nice people who "help" us with their control and mocking and bullying. CBT does not help in this process of waking up. CBT is example of such predators and narcissists. CBT will explain our thinking, our intelligence as nuisance, as problem. As a personality trait which is flawed, and dumb, something to destroy and suppress. "Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron

Same!!

Maybe you should use a bit of cannabis

It’s a shame we need to feel exhausted in order to care less about shit.

Omg yes! Lol. Same. Nice that someone finally acknowledges that this happens and I’m not nuts. 😂

Thanks for sharing, that's really interesting to me as I'm the exact opposite. If I am not well rested my thoughts get more frantic, I feel even less confident and every little thing makes me ruminate. Being well rested makes me more stable and calm.

Few people out there have nothing better to do than analyze... Siblings... well... That's a sibling thing. We seem to be programmed as siblings to give each other crap. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother dearly. He must care, too, or he wouldn't get me more armor to wear every time he scares himself on a motorcycle. haha... BUT we aggravate each other almost as much as Sam and Dean Winchester... There may be families with a different dynamic, but I haven't found any. ;o)

@@gnarthdarkanen7464 I try to tell myself lifetime of sibling crap should make be stronger out there, but, not necessarily somehow. If I could only be as able to defend myself with others as I can with siblings!

@@janebraun4482 Well, maybe growing up with a semi-absent narcissistic father (who knew the SoB was actually doing us favors being gone)... Might've had something to do with my case... ...OR I might just have a natural penchant for giving at least as good or bad as I get. I don't really know. For some, the natural instinct is to hold back from how they'd normally "unload both barrels" like they do with family... For others, family crap was like training in boot-camp and they just let fly at the drop of a hat... I DO really try to hold myself up long enough to analyze whether or not "retaliatory fire" is warranted... BUT when it is (or when I simply get triggered too fast to think about it) stand by... I've sent grown men running off in tears... and I was a teen at the time. I've since spent 4 years in the "Gator Navy" shipping Marines and Sealteams overseas. I've learned and expanded upon my vocal munitions and whatever inhibitions I've ever had were long ago destroyed. I still try not to be TOO inappropriately nasty, but it just doesn't always work out so well... haha... I'll stick by the "Give as good (or bad) as you get." though. It's a fair principle. Might take some personal refining, but it seems to work. ;o)

You don't need to dwell on what's done already...you can focus on doing what's better now and in the future. ❤

@@relaxingsoundthearapy688 thank you i will work on it

❤Your comment in English is perfect! Hang in there friend! We are in this together!❤️

We want to be perfect because we were abuse, traumatized and conditioned into perfectionism. Problem is not overthinking, it is abuse and trauma that is stuck inside our body.