Why you SHOULDN'T follow your heart as a Fearful Avoidant| HealingFa.com

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Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

Күн бұрын

Following your heart is commonly believed to be a universal truth that everybody is supposed to follow. You see it in movies and magazines, and it sounds very good. But for a Fearful Avoidant, this can be very confusing. In this video, I will talk about why you shouldn’t follow your heart as a Fearful Avoidant and explain what you could do instead!
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--- Contents --
00:00 Intro
02:50 What a healthy relationship looks like
04:15 Don’t look for extremes
04:28 Fear State
06:10 Feeling of relaxation
08:40 Conscious decision
12:35 Growing together
14:25 Outro
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Video Title: Why you SHOULDN'T follow your heart as a Fearful Avoidant
This video is about: Why you SHOULDN'T follow your heart as a Fearful Avoidant, but It also covers the following topics:
Fearful avoidant
Healthy relationship
Fantasy Relationship
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
✅ Stay Connected With Me.
👉Facebook: / healingthefearfulavoidant
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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is possible. You are not too broken.
‌After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
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In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
For Collaboration and Business inquiries, please use the contact information below:
📩 Email: hello@healingthefearfulavoidant.com
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
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#fearfulavoidant #attachmentstyles #personaldevelopment #followyourheart
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your research.
Copyright Notice: This video and my KZfaq channel contain dialog, music, and images that are the property of Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant. You are authorized to share the video link and channel and embed this video in your website or others as long as a link back to my KZfaq Channel is provided.
© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant

Пікірлер: 38

@vatsaiyer3722 3 ай бұрын

Hi Paulien, if you're reading this just wanna say thank you. Can we also get a chance to see how your husband held himself together while you were figuring things out? What was he going through and how did he feel during difficult times? Love your videos❤

@vorbis4860 3 ай бұрын

Don't follow your reason either, because fearful avoidants don't know what reason is either. When anxious, they use distorted (or fear-conditioned) feeling. When avoidant, they use distorted (or fear-conditioned, numbness-induced) logic. Talking about the difference between logic and distorted logic might be useful too. Some of the reasons FAs give for breaking up are pretty outlandish. They magnify tiny things and apply standards to themselves they don't apply to their closest loved ones.

@sherriflemming3218 3 ай бұрын

Well said. 👍

@GhostDad1 3 ай бұрын

I’m not even FA and this is super helpful

@morningglory.213 3 ай бұрын

I feel like this is such an important video especially due to the world we live in where breaking up is so normalised.. people dont understand working hard and growing together with that person and usually when we “don’t feel” good etc. we blame our relationship even when the partner is actually genuine,kind, nice,etc. and we even like them yet think we have fallen out of love and call it a “healthy breakup” lol like what i never understood this concept since its so stupid in my opinion and like lol me as a growing FA, I believed that when i wasnt aware that it was unhealthy FA behaviour.. i just wish it wasnt so normalised so people could have genuine connections

@yfoog 3 ай бұрын

I agree. We all need relationship schooling.

@IKFKSwitch 3 ай бұрын

I find that my most passionate, lustful feelings tend to show up for chaotic people, or people whose attachment styles would result in a chaotic dynamic, (incompatible.) The mess excites my nervous system. I tend to drift towards avoidant types.

@olive4naito 3 ай бұрын

There's stuff on KZfaq on being attracted to our shadow (opposite) because we are attracted to what we miss within ourselves. It's not always a static thing because avoidants can display anxious behavior and anxious people can be avoidant. When we see too much of ourselves in our partner it can also repel us.

@DockClock-rp2ro 3 ай бұрын

I think there needs to be some leeway with the "Not having kids" phenomenom. It's relatively new. It should largely be up to the person that doesn't want kids to make that clear, as they are the outlier in this situation. There's also a lot of fear around this, and FA's should consider that when making the decision.

@Getmeouttahere 3 ай бұрын

I love the depth your videos have to offer because they really challenge me to reflect on myself, my needs, and my motivations. Two contradictions that stood out: The FA needs a perfect relationship and the FA / DA dynamics. I've always wondered why I choose avoidant partners, but when you said it allowed the FA to control intimacy, it made SO MUCH SENSE. Thank you for the time and investment in helping our healing. ❤❤❤

@chaii_latte 3 ай бұрын

Oooof. I love your channel.. thank you for being here 🩵💙

@koala01111986 Ай бұрын

Those feelings of relaxation,calmness (even the mind would stop thinking), peace,belonging are what I want and finding them in a person recently freaked me out and we triggered each other for this (not sure who triggered the other first)😢😢

@Stelle2097 3 ай бұрын

Great video Paulien!! 😊

@colorfullyme 3 ай бұрын

Perfect timing for this, thank you! I’d love to hear more of the insights from your research on happy couples :)

@sincerely_zane 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for your content!

@Happygoddessa 3 ай бұрын

Really good. Thanks for sharing this.

@dzi333 3 ай бұрын

Hi Paulien, for me it's exactly the opposite. I feel pressure when being in a relationship (burden of responsibility of not hurting the other person, in short) and the thoughts of leaving bring the feeling of relaxation. So I think this is strongly individual.

@EyeIzCat3892 3 ай бұрын

I think youve misunderstood the video. FA style is characterised by this idea of not wanting to hurt the other person (consciously) . The fact is, is that all people can/will hurt all people. No one carries this expectation that their partner will never hurt them, or should never be allowed to leave. And think about it, is this belief serving you in any way? Under this idea of pressure, there actually is this huge fear of abandonment, and them hurting you. I think you should watch more of Pauliens videos.

@Godlovesyouunconditionally Ай бұрын

Paulien I just wanna say you are awesome. Wonderful message. I love you and wish you all the best ❤

@jellyrcw12 3 ай бұрын

I love your channel. Love is a verb as much as it is a feeling ❤

@ImLehwz 3 ай бұрын

Thanks for your video's

@Nipponsuki 11 күн бұрын

As a FA I have been struggling with staying in my long term relationship. Since I can't use emotion, or even logic it's harder for me to know if we need to go on different paths or if I should stick in it. It feels wrong to leave a relationship with someone who is super kind , caring and emotional available and intelligent and who has put up with my B.S. but my fear of losing that safety is keeping me stuck in kind of a limbo gray zone that I hate.

@ijustneedmyself 6 күн бұрын

Work on fixing your attachment style before you lose a great person.

@brianh5844 3 ай бұрын

Hey Paulien, thank you for all the thoughtful information and experiences you've shared. I do have a question that is really important to me and I would love to see you address this in one of your videos. Basically, my question is how do you relate your framework and own journey to larger cultural patterns in the fabric of humanity that affect how we relate to one another may or may not be natural or healthy? In particular, the extent to which we organize in nuclear family/dyadic partner relationships, and the ways in which attachment theory may have been subtly influenced by these cultural norms so that it has a particular bias or could be missing certain factors because of the particular lens it uses. When youtube started to recommend videos on attachment a year or so ago, I found the information quite intriguing and helpful, but it also brought up a lot of questions. Where was the talk about social and cultural factors through a systemic lens? What about the ways in which collective traumas that affect us all in different ways (war, oppression, poverty, patriarchy, etc.) are influencing how we relate and attach? What about your attachment relationship to nature, to the land? What is missing in the attachment theory that grew out of industrial western capitalism? I began to feel that if I fully adopted the theory, I would start to overlook some of those factors as part of my healing process, instead focusing mostly on my own biography as opposed to our "collective biography." Most recently, I felt encouraged by this line of thinking when SAND (science and non-duality) released a webinar called "Rethinking Attachment: Towards Relational Wholeness" with Linda Thai which you can find here kzfaq.info/get/bejne/kLmUotRj07e7fok.htmlsi=z_tDtnOmcu1QMFmd I would love to see you address this topic from your own experience and journey. I think it would be very beneficial for many people that are trying to navigate attachment trauma while also navigating the healing of collective trauma and seeing the need for broader cultural shifts to address economic and ecological crises facing our planet. Thank you for reading!

@Caroline_Thedeathofa_sho-br2ut 3 ай бұрын

My ex used to tell me that he felt "relaxed" with me only... But a month ago he said he lost the feeling of love so we broke up and haven't talked since I still don't get it... It happened out of nowhere...

@minalali9447 3 ай бұрын

Can you pls make a video on how fearful avoidants act when not feeling important or prioritised . I have noted that I feel extremely jealous when my bf prioritises basketball over me even tho in reality it's a healthy balance.

@olive4naito 3 ай бұрын

Often times jealousy is telling you that the relationship between you and yourself is being neglected. Relationships can take us away from ourselves and we tend to feel jealousy the most until balance is restored. Other times it's because we have childhood trauma and abandonment issues. It's usually a sign of dis-regulation. I wonder what would happen though if you asked your bf to teach you to shoot in an empty court one day just for fun. You might feel the jealousy dissipate if you have an invested interest in his activities.

@minalali9447 3 ай бұрын

@@olive4naito thanks a lot for your insight, I really liked the idea of asking him to teach me basketball. Hope it help

@MotoMangi 3 ай бұрын

Where can I find your book? Your website links are not working for me

@jellyrcw12 3 ай бұрын

14:43, so real omfg!!

@Jawsandabs 3 ай бұрын

❤

@Melow55 3 ай бұрын

Hey I really need help. So I live in a place where men comment and stare at girls and I have to go out alone but noone ever touched me it's just they make it very uncomfortable but now I developed fear of going out and feel like they will grab me and I feel like my body or outfit is wrong ( that I'm doing something wrong). How can I overcome this as I live alone. Please help me

@Caroline_Thedeathofa_sho-br2ut 3 ай бұрын

Omg, is it possible to move places? That sounds absolutely awful